Secret Knowledge by Su Freund

Secret Knowledge

As Jack watched the door with more than a hint of trepidation, he wondered what the hell he was doing there. His knotted stomach churned disconcertingly and he fought to suppress the nausea.

'Must have been something I ate,' he thought, knowing full well food had nothing whatever to do with these symptoms. Butterflies, a huge honkin' bunch of them, had taken up residence in his stomach. Each and every one had ascended into flight simultaneously, and Jack's heart rate soared right along with them. Crap! Wasn't he getting too old to feel like a pimply young teen plucking up courage to ask someone on a date? Apparently not.

Jack was aware he should have done this long ago, but now he was actually here thought he'd probably left it way too late. On the other hand Teal'c had said… but what if he was wrong? That whole Odyssey experience must have been weird to say the least. Maybe Teal'c read more into those years of conversations than had been intended. It was a stressful situation, after all. Ack! The notion made him shudder.

Teal'c with hair had seemed bizarre, but Teal'c with greying hair; that was kind of out there, particularly when he considered how the big guy had earned that grey. Jack couldn't really conceive of what it must have been like to be stuck in a time dilation bubble for fifty odd years, let alone how it must feel to remember every moment, as Teal'c did.

Flying a desk in DC could be inexorably boring sometimes, but that? Mind-numbingly monotonous came to mind, along with a zillion other words that would describe almost total tedium. Jack figured it was enough to leave a guy three fries short of a happy meal and knew he would have been driven nuts. On the other hand, Teal'c wasn't just any guy. Jeez, he wasn't really even a guy!

It was easier for the others, who had no memory of those long years of isolation. They could only imagine, as Jack could, but imagining was bad enough. Sheesh! It didn't bear thinking about.

Nevertheless, think about it is what Jack did. Reading the reports had been enough to make him shudder, despite the lack of any detail about those missing years. Then he'd spoken to Hank. After that, he sat in his DC office thinking about it, and then thinking some more when he'd eventually got home. All that thinking prompted a powerful urge to see his ex-team mates and find an excuse to fly to the Springs. The excuse part was easy, while seeing ex-team mates seemed to be proving more difficult.

He'd checked in with Landry, of course, but the others were more elusive. SG-1 had some down time, and probably deserved it after spending a whole fifty years cooped up together in the relatively small space of The Odyssey, albeit that only Teal'c remembered. Actually, the Odyssey wasn't really that small, but Jack figured it must have seemed increasingly cramped and suffocating over that lifetime they'd lived while there. The limits of the ship, and the company, had probably seemed like a living hell. It gave him the jitters to think about it.

So, as it turned out, neither Carter nor Daniel were around on base. Hank said he'd almost had to push them out of the door himself, which was typical of his old friends. Jack realised he should have checked this out before recklessly flying those hundreds of miles, but he hadn't and had to live with that. Teal'c was there, and the old Jaffa was exactly the person he wanted to speak to, or that's what he told himself. Sometimes you can kid a kidder - especially if that kidder is you!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Knocking on his door, Jack entered when he heard a sound from within that he took to be consent. Teal'c expressed surprise at the arrival of O'Neill, stirring from his television to stand and greet him.

"Hey Teal'c, good to see ya," Jack said with a small smile.

"Likewise, O'Neill," Teal'c replied with a short bow, moving forward and grasping his friend's arm with a large hand. Jack's smile broadened into a big grin at the welcome, patting the Jaffa's arm in a reciprocal gesture. "To what do I owe this visit, old friend?"

"You can't guess?" Jack replied, certain Teal'c would know. Teal'c always seemed to know.

"Indeed I can," the Jaffa responded with a neutral expression, inviting O'Neill to sit.

Jack looked around and pulled up a chair, eyeing the television. "Whatchya watching, T?" he asked. "I don't want to interrupt your 'televisual feast'." His fingers indicated quotation marks for those latter two words, stolen from one of his favorite old British TV shows, Fawlty Towers, and his tone was one of light-hearted bantering.

Teal'c picked up the remote and switched the TV to standby mode without a second thought. "You interrupt nothing of import, O'Neill."

A momentary silence hung in the air while Jack considered making small talk before getting to the point. "How are you big guy?"

"I am well, O'Neill."

"Getting almost as grey as me, I see." Jack gesticulated towards his hair.

"I still have a few years of catching up to do," Teal'c replied, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks buddy," he intoned sarcastically. Teal'c was right, of course. He still looked younger than Jack despite the additional years. It so wasn't fair. Maybe there was something in this Jaffa thing after all.

"And you, O'Neill, you are well?" Teal'c asked after another silence. His friend appeared ill at ease and Teal'c thought he knew why. He was uncertain how to broach the subject he wished to discuss.

"Oh, sure. Flying a desk in DC is just so damned fascinating," Jack responded in an ironical manner.

"It no doubt has its moments."

"Ya think?" Teal'c inclined his head enquiringly and Jack sighed. "I kind of miss you guys at the SGC," he admitted, "and saving the planet never grows old." But he was getting too old for all that and Jack knew it.

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c with a serious expression. "Stargate Command is not the same without your presence, O'Neill."

Jack grinned, preening at those words, the closest his Jaffa friend would probably come to admitting he was missed. It made him feel good to be missed, although clearly he hadn't been indispensable. He would have liked that, but you can't have everything. No one was truly indispensable. Life moved on; you just had to live it.

"You've still got Daniel and Carter. Then there's Mitchell and Vala." Teal'c said nothing, his facial expression souring for a moment before becoming inscrutable again. "I guess being cooped up with them for fifty years or so must have been pretty trying. Got to know them rather too well, I imagine."

Teal'c smiled thinly, thinking they were getting to the crux of O'Neill's appearance at last. His friend was not always able to come straight to the point, a Tauri trait that often amused Teal'c, and O'Neill could be a master of it.

"So, how was that for ya, big guy?" he pressed.

"It too had its moments," Teal'c replied enigmatically, and Jack frowned, images of squeezing blood out of a stone springing to mind.

"You aren't going to tell me about it, are ya?" he asked forthrightly for a change. He should have known. In fact he had known, but considered it worth a try. Nothing ventured, yadda…

"It would not be wise."

"I won't say anything to anyone, honest!"

"That is what they all say."

"They're all on at you, are they?" Jack could imagine how infuriating that might get. Vala in particular would likely be a thorn in Teal'c's side on the subject.

"With the exception of Colonel Carter."

Jack chuckled, knowing what her thoughts on all this were likely to be. She'd probably lectured them all about time lines, grandfather paradoxes, or whatever…

"You still not calling her Sam, even after fifty plus years?" When Teal'c didn't reply, Jack grimaced. "I could order you to tell."

Teal'c arched an eyebrow, peering at him with one of those Teal'cish expressions that could strip paintwork from a galaxy away. "You could try," he said in those deep bass tones Jack missed so much.

"Awww come on T, throw me a bone."

"I fail to see the relevance of sections of skeleton, O'Neill." Jack noted the slight smirk on his old friend's face. He figured Teal'c deliberately misconstrued English usage these days just to irritate or amuse.

"For cryin' out loud…!" he exclaimed in frustration, but Teal'c merely said nothing and looked impassive. What an infuriating man he could be! But he was probably also right to be reticent, not that Teal'c was normally anything else.

Jack sighed, the realisation of what he really wanted to know suddenly hitting him right between the eyes. He'd been denying it, but it was pretty damned clear. Sam. He wanted to know about her: how she'd occupied her fifty years; how she'd felt about their isolation; how frustrated and pissed with herself she'd got; whether she'd spent those years alone or hooked up with one of the guys.

Actually, he really wasn't sure he did want to know about that part, although couldn't have blamed her if she had paired up with someone. After all, fifty years is a long time to be alone, and he'd never done anything to make her want to come home to him, had he? Never made a freakin' move! How pathetic was that?

It was in this moment of clarity Jack realised why he'd come all the way to Colorado - to see her. He had to see her, talk to her, find out if he still had any chance of making her want to come home to him.

'Jeez, O'Neill, you are so freakin' dumb!' he chided himself.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

So, here he was, sitting in a car outside her house and still trying to pluck up the nerve. He'd lost track of how long he'd been sitting there staring at her door, but it must have been quite a while.

'Go, O'Neill!' he thought, trying to galvanise himself into action. His hand trembled as it reached to open the car door, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm those overly active butterflies.

Crap! He was such an old fool.

His hand withdrew almost of its own volition. "It's time, you moron!" he muttered aloud. Glancing in the car mirror, he ran his fingers through his sometimes-unruly grey hair, noting the lines of aging on his face, and the additional weight he'd put on since he'd been sitting behind that desk.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, "When did you get to grow so old? How could you imagine she'd be interested in this?"

He was tempted to turn tail and run, reaching for the car keys and then sighing heavily to himself. If he left now, he'd always live to regret it, Jack realised – he'd never know for sure. At least he deserved to know for sure, didn't he? He owed himself that much. And, if Teal' was right, he owed it to Sam as well.

Meanwhile, inside the house, Sam surreptitiously peered out the window for the nth time. The general had been sitting unmoving in the car for what seemed an age, and didn't appear to be going to move any time soon. She wondered why he was there, and so hesitant, not quite daring to imagine it could be what she might wish for. Surely not: not now after all this time?

His presence outside her house was making her distinctly uncomfortable. How could she relax and get on with anything knowing Jack O'Neill was sitting there staring at her front door and would no doubt be knocking at any moment? She'd tried to ignore it, but of course she couldn't. The general wasn't a man whose presence you could ignore that easily. Besides, she was more than a tad curious as to why he was in Colorado, and sitting outside her house.

Now, it was beginning to drive her nuts and she wondered if she should indicate she'd seen him, unsure whether that might be embarrassing, particularly if he'd changed his mind about dropping by.

'Come on, Mr Infuriating, move it!' she thought irately, noting him stir to open the car door, and then pause again. "Okay, that's it!" she exclaimed through gritted teeth, turning from her hiding place by the window and stomping to the door. When she got there, Sam stopped before opening, drawing a few deep breaths and turning back to take a quick peek in the hallway mirror to check her appearance. Heart racing wildly, she berated herself for being such a wuss.

"Suck it up, Samantha, get it over with!"

When she opened the door, Jack O'Neill was right there, apparently about to knock. They both started from the shock, each trying to recover quickly.

"General O'Neill!", "Carter!" they exclaimed in unison, expressions akin to a couple of deer caught in headlights.

"Um, sir…", "Er, hi…"

"I saw you from the window", "I hope I haven't called at a bad time"

They were so disconcerted by the situation that neither quite knew what to do or say, so they stared at each other awkwardly for a while, saying nothing.

"Gonna invite me in?", "Um, come in sir," they both said simultaneously again, then the corners of Jack's mouth crinkled into a smile, his dimples dimpling. When Sam smiled back, they both cracked up into laughter.

"Sir," she said, standing aside and indicating with a flourish of her hand that he should enter.

"Thanks."

He stepped into the hall and she closed the door behind them, ushering him into her living room. Jack stood just inside the doorway, eyeing his surroundings and fidgeting with the brim of his baseball cap before removing it altogether and twisting it around in his fingers.

"I was in the neighbourhood, ya know, business at the SGC. You weren't there so I just thought I'd drop by… see how you're doin'… and… stuff."

Sam could tell he was perturbed by his tone and posture. Jack had always been prone to fidgeting, but this seemed even more pronounced than ever. He was bouncing up and down on his feet, eyes scanning over her room, looking anywhere but in her direction.

"Would you like to sit down, sir?"

That spurred him into action. "Um, yeah, sure," he said, moving quickly to a chair and plonking his long, lanky frame in it clumsily. Something she'd always noticed about her ex-CO was his totally sub-conscious grace of movement. Now he was feeling self-conscious that natural elegance seemed to have deserted him.

"Something to drink?" she asked and he shook his head.

Sam sat back and watched as he looked around mutely, wondering how long before he told her why he'd come. Or would she have to ask? Why the hell should she ask when he'd come to her, interrupting her day and making her apprehensive. Screw him - let him do all the work!

She was beginning to think he was never going to speak, when he piped up. "You re-decorated," he commented, much to her amazement. He'd never spent that much time at her house, and it had been a while, so she was surprised he'd noticed.

"Yes…"

"It looks nice. Cosy."

"Thanks."

Jack smiled at her weakly, stuffing his baseball cap between him and the arm of the chair, scrubbing his fingers through his hair and then resting his hands on his thighs and tapping his thumbs together nervously.

"Got any beer?" he asked to break the awkward silence that followed, and Sam nodded, leaving to fetch him some.

Once she had left the room he got up and walked over to the window, restless and unable to sit still. Looking out, he was taken aback to realise she could easily have seen him sitting in the car from that angle. Jack wondered if she knew he'd been there for such a long time trying to summon some courage. Crap! This was so not going the way he'd planned.

"Get a grip on yourself, Jack!" he murmured, recalling more of his conversation with Teal'c, the part that had given him hope.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Apparently Teal'c got the throwing O'Neill a bone thing because, despite his vow of silence about what had happened during those decades only he remembered, he threw Jack one before he left. It was more than a bone – a lifeline, really.

Claiming he could do with the exercise, and fresh air, he and O'Neill had left the mountain and gone for a short walk through the scrub just above the entrance.

"Is Daniel in town?" Jack asked and Teal'c shook his head.

"He is attending a conference. Archaeology, I believe."

"Carter?"

"As far as I am aware she is at home."

"Maybe I should drop by." Jack's expression was impassive, although his thoughts were a whirlwind raging through his head.

"Perhaps you should."

"Give me a reason to, Teal'c." These words conveyed much uncertainty and gave the Jaffa some pause for thought. He looked askance at O'Neill.

"You need a reason to see a friend?" he asked.

"Actually, I need courage," Jack confessed, briefly allowing his turmoil to show in his features before becoming pokerfaced again. Teal'c noticed, just as he noticed so many things, and was surprised by that unusual glimpse of honesty. The few words said a lot about his friend's thoughts and feelings.

"I never found you to be lacking that quality, O'Neill."

Jack stopped in his tracks and eyed his companion. "This is Sam we're talking about." Teal'c thought the man's eyes hinted at slight hopelessness and his heart went out to him. O'Neill should have acted on his feelings long ago, he thought. "Was she okay? On the Odyssey, was she all right?"

"She found a way to save us all," the Jaffa replied guardedly.

"Yeah, well that's Carter," Jack observed with a grin. "But you know that's not what I'm asking."

"No, but you are asking much."

Jack briefly gazed at Teal'c as if trying to discern something and then, feeling guilty about probing, lowered his head and stared down at his feet.

"I know," he mumbled. 'Forget it, T. I should never…"

"I understand, O'Neill, but to tell you anything would risk all of our futures."

"I guess Carter explained in detail why you shouldn't say anything, right?" Jack glanced briefly at Teal'c, but was unable to sustain eye contact and looked away, running his eyes over the surrounding landscape. The normally stoic and composed Teal'c was moved by the emotions he read in his friend's demeanour and did not respond directly to the question, realising O'Neill already knew the answer.

"What if you took a different path based upon my words, O'Neill?" he asked, and Jack discerned sympathy in his tone so peeked at him again. The Jaffa smiled faintly and laid a hand on his friend's shoulder, a small gesture of comfort.

Jack took a breath, attempting to calm the disquiet this whole situation made him feel. Such uncertainty and indecision did not sit well with him. Normally he was a man in control, a person who knew his own mind and was able to act according to his instincts.

"I need to speak to Sam, don't I?" he asked rhetorically. "That's really what I came all this way for, I just didn't want to admit it, even to myself." He started to pace restlessly and Teal'c watched in patient silence, knowing O'Neill had more to say and not wishing to distract him from his thoughts or words.

"I keep wondering what I would have done if she hadn't made it home, how I would have felt. Or what if our situations had been reversed and I'd been stranded on the Odyssey for all those years instead of her? I would have regretted…"

He sighed, and drew close to Teal'c, this time meeting his eyes unflinchingly. "There's so much to regret, T. I would have missed her, grieved for her." A small smile appeared on his lips. "Would have missed you all, old buddy, but Sam…" The smile turned into a remorseful frown.

"You still have feelings for her," Teal'c commented. That fact had been obvious to him for many years, but it had never been his place to remark on it, or intervene. However, this uncharacteristic confession from his friend made him wonder if perhaps it was his place now. O'Neill needed his help. How could he fail him at such a moment?

"Always, Teal'c." Jack tore his eyes away and brushed his hands through his hair, looking pensive.

"You intend to tell her."

Again, it was a statement rather than a question. Teal'c wondered what he could say that would not change their timeline as Colonel Carter had warned. He couldn't help but think that, as virtually no time had passed in the real world outside of their small bubble in space and time, what he said now was irrelevant and changed nothing in their futures. Surely their futures were not pre-determined? Only if they were could his actions or words affect them. He was uncertain of the answer, but was convinced he faced a friend in need.

"It's about time, isn't it?" Jack said. "I have to do something, Teal'c, but finding the courage... I just hope I haven't left it too late."

The large hand on O'Neill's shoulder squeezed gently as Teal'c made up his mind to break his vow of silence. He need not say much, only enough. "She missed you, O'Neill. Her heart was broken, I believe."

Jack met the Jaffa's eyes with a dismayed expression. "Broken?" He let out a long ragged breath, upset by the notion of that pain, but it also gave him hope.

"She came to believe she would never see you again, and regretted many things."

"Things I never did or said?" Jack queried, pushing just a little bit more.

"That both of you never did or said."

Peering closely at the Jaffa, Jack bit his lip nervously, uncertain whether to ask his next question, but it seemed Teal'c could read his mind, because he didn't have to ask.

"There was no one else, O'Neill, just the comfort of friends."

"She must have been lonely." The idea disturbed Jack, and was one of the many things that had tormented him since reading the reports, and between the lines of them.

"As were we all."

Teal'c resolved not to mention the mating of Daniel Jackson and Vala Mal Doran. This was something they needed to determine for themselves, and he idly wondered if they ever would. Or perhaps they would dance around their feelings, much like O'Neill and Samantha Carter had for too many years. Neither of them appeared to realise they even had those feelings, whereas Teal'c knew both O'Neill and Samantha Carter were aware of theirs, even if they never admitted them to each other, or acted upon them. O'Neill was correct. It was time they did so.

He had probably already said too much, although he hoped it wasn't too little for O'Neill and was sufficient to bolster his resolve. Teal'c could not reveal more, it would be imprudent, and he would never divulge all he had learned about what lay in Samantha Carter's heart.

The old warrior had discovered much over those years, possibly more than she would ever expose to O'Neill. But it mattered not because Teal'c knew very well why O'Neill had come to Colorado, and had known as soon as he appeared in his room at the SGC. As his friend had now confessed, it had little to do with his old teammates, or the SGC, and everything to do with his heart. The situation would be resolved without any further meddling from him and that notion pleased Teal'c immeasurably.

Jack hitched a ragged breath. "I'm sorry Teal'c. You remember it all - you lived it. That must be…" he searched for the right word.

"Difficult," said Teal'c placidly.

Jack laughed. "That's sure got to be an understatement, my friend."

"Indeed," Teal'c acknowledged with a small bow of his head.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Did you say something, sir?" Sam asked as she re-entered the room with his beer. Jack nearly leapt out of his skin. 'Jumpy as a cat! So not like me,' he thought. 'Jeez, this is hard.'

"Just thinking aloud," he replied, truthfully as it happened. She walked towards him, holding out his beer and he took it, quickly gulping some down in the hope it would settle his tattered nerves. Forlorn hope! "Thanks," he said as evenly as he could manage.

Sam didn't move away and he turned to face her. "C-could you see me, sittin' in the car…?" She nodded. "Oh! Watching a while, were ya?" She nodded again. "Crap!" He wanted to floor to open and swallow him up and she tried to suppress a giggle at his mortification, but couldn't contain it. Her laughter only served to embarrass him further.

"I should never have come," he said emotionlessly, hurt by her laughter and starting to move away. Sam could almost see those shutters of his go up and was vexed about laughing at his discomfort. As if things hadn't already been awkward enough.

"I'm glad you did. It's really good to see you, sir. Please don't go!" she responded hastily, grasping his arm. He didn't move but looked her in the eye and she thought she saw the shutters fall again, not completely, but enough. "Tell me why you came? It's driving me nuts not knowing."

He appeared to consider before replying and Sam wished she knew what he was thinking.

"I, um, I think you know." His deep brown eyes bored into her, making her shiver. "The Odyssey. Are you okay, Sam?"

She was thrilled by the look of concern in those dark eyes. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen his concern before, Sam knew he cared about her, but this seemed different.

"I can't remember any of it, sir."

"I realise that, but I know… I know how I would have been feeling if you hadn't made it back." Sam perceived considerable warmth and affection in his gaze and shivered delightedly. "This time manipulation crap makes my brain hurt. Oy!" he added, gesticulating wildly and obviously perplexed.

Pausing, Jack realised he needed to clarify his thoughts for her benefit. Why should they both be as confused as hell? He was befuddled enough for both of them, so had it covered.

"Fifty years, Sam. I would never have seen you again and-and that sucks. It-it's been playing on my mind ever since I read the reports."

'Oh my God!' Sam thought. Suddenly feeling a little weak-kneed, she gripped his arm harder, slightly dizzy with excitement and trembling with anticipation. She hoped she wasn't misreading his intentions. When he didn't continue, or move, Sam felt self-conscious, grasping for something to say or do to relieve the unbearable tension of the moment.

"You read the reports?" she quipped light-heartedly, but cursing herself for being so inept and pulling them away from the personal. 'Damn it, Sam, you were so close!' she thought, noting the wryly amused expression on his face at her comment, and continuing hurriedly in an effort to hide her discomposure. "Thor asked me to say goodbye to you. He would like to have said it in person, but there was no time."

Jack sighed, uncertain how to respond to her abrupt change of subject. "I'm gonna miss the little grey guy. I'll miss all of 'em," he said, trying to give himself time to think. He couldn't decide if she was deliberately trying to avoid his confession or not. If only she knew how hard it had been even to say that much… crap!

"Me too. I guess the universe won't be the same without them. He said something about us being the fifth race."

Jack smiled at that. "Cool!" he exclaimed.

Unprepared to let it go, Jack took a deep breath to help summon courage, hoping her change of topic hadn't been avoidance but Carter gawkiness. Neither of them were any good at this expressing feelings stuff, he knew that. Maybe he'd just wrong-footed her. He sincerely hoped that was all it was, and Jack steeled himself with a determination to see this thing though, no matter what.

"Look, Sam, I didn't come here to talk about Thor and the Asgard, I came here to talk about you – about us!" He said vehemently, stabbing the air for emphasis and waiting for her reaction. It seemed like an age before she responded, and his heart thudded so loudly in his chest that he thought Sam must be able to hear it.

"I couldn't let myself believe that was why you came." Sam was wishing he'd move, act. 'Do something Jack, don't just stand there', she willed.

He searched her eyes momentarily, finding what he needed to see, and then did do something. The something was so unexpected she could hardly contain her emotions. Moving closer, his fingers gently clasped her chin and he tilted her face up, drawing her lips to his.

The kiss was brief, a whisper on her lips, but it was a kiss. Then his fingers smoothed over her cheek, and he softly swiped a thumb across her cheekbone. His hot breath swept her face with its gentle caress, and she sensed his longing, which matched hers so completely.

Then nothing. It was as if they were frozen in that heartbeat, into silence and inaction.

"Whatchya thinkin'?" he asked when the silence had become almost deafening.

"That you should kiss me again," she answered, her heart palpitating erratically as she moved so close their noses touched.

Jack gulped, inclining his head to meet her lips. His hand combed through her hair, inching to the back of her head where it pressed her closer while stroking her scalp. This time the kiss was long and powerful, assailing her senses as his tongue delved into the dark, wet recesses of her mouth. She assaulted him back, tasting him, clashing tongue with tongue, devouring and savoring him. Her arm clutched his back, nails digging into his shirt, and she whimpered into his mouth.

When they drew back, they were breathless and giddy, both smiling in an inane kind of way, wanting more, desperately in need. Jack fought the urge to seduce her on the spot, instead enclosing her in his arms and pulling her to him. He was mentally congratulating himself for being proactive and making something happen, at last, when she surprised him.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" she asked in a whisper.

"I can stay with you forever," he replied without pausing for thought.

"Forever? I think I'd like that. But tonight… I want you to make love to me."

Jack was astonished by her forwardness, but also thrilled. "I guess after fifty years of doing without sex, you must be feeling a little horny by now," he quipped and she laughed.

"For all we know I might not have done without for fifty years."

"Ya think? I bet all of 'em were after you!" Jack's tone was jocular but he squeezed her gently, considering what Teal'c had briefly revealed of her solitude. This was something he would never repeat, to her or anyone. His secret knowledge. He kind of liked that.

"That's… ick, let's not even go there!" she replied with playful disgust. "I guess we'll never know, but I do know I would have missed you, and regretted not having done this."

"Yeah, me too. I wish I'd been with you Sam."

"I wish you had too, sir." Sam figured if she was going to share fifty years with anyone, Jack was the person she'd choose.

Jack frowned. "Okay, let's make one thing clear right now. It's Jack. No sirs."

"Yes… Jack." She enjoyed the feel of his name on her tongue and he loved hearing it.

"You think we can handle just being Jack and Sam?" he queried uncertainly.

She buried her face in his neck, pecking it with a kiss, and her answer was muffled, although he heard it clearly enough. "I hope so. We should try. We'd always regret not trying."

Although the butterflies still flew around his stomach, Jack understood they took flight for different reasons now – the prospect of trying to make a go of it with Sam, and all the complications that would entail; his genuine depth of feeling for her; the unknown. He figured the benefits surely had to outweigh any downside to this dramatic change in their personal circumstances.

"I so hate regrets, don't you?" he remarked, revelling in the feel of her nod against his neck. This was why he had come to Colorado in the first place. His regrets had prompted him. If she had never made it back… he might not even have known yet. He might have spent the rest of his life wondering, and hoping she'd still get home somehow. The idea made him shudder.

A life without her in it would be barren and empty. Jack had known that for a long time, but continued to do nothing to rectify it. He realised that had been foolish, probably one of the biggest mistakes of his whole sorry life, but now… things were definitely looking up! The past was the past. Now he could move on with the future. An unknown, always, but he had one heck of a good feeling about it.

The words "I love you, Sam" hovered on the tip of his tongue, and he exercised considerable self-restraint to keep them there rather than utter them. That was too much, too soon. They had to get to know Jack and Sam first, and that sure was going to make life interesting.

The End