Memories by Angel Star

Martouf settled himself on the crate next to Sam.

“As I apply the memory device, you will feel a sharp pain.”

“We've actually all experienced this technology before.” She replied, preparing herself for the sting.

“Good. Then you will know what to expect.” Biting his lip, he pushed the circular device into place. Sam winced.

“So we're actually going to see Jollinar’s memories appear as holographic images?” asked Daniel, grimacing at the memory of being put through this himself.

“There are no specific ways of targeting certain memories. Some of Samantha's own personal memories may come out.” Martouf looked apologetically at Sam.

“What?” She stared at him in surprise.

“Well isn’t there a way of… *not* showing them?” Queried Jack, standing up. Martouf turned to him.

“There is. But we do not have enough time and-”

“Ack!” Jack cut him off and looked down at him, frowning. “We have loads of time. Now do it!”

“Colonel O’Neill. Even if we *had* enough time, *I* wouldn’t be able to do it. I was only recently taught how to activate the device myself.”

“It’s okay, sir. I can handle it.” Sam smiled apologetically at the Colonel as Martouf moved back to her side. Jack ran a hand through his hair, before sitting the other side of her.

“Your call, Carter.”

Sam took a deep breath and closed her eyes as Martouf entered the codes to regain her memories. Everyone looked on as a widescreen sized screen opened up out of no-where.

//… Buzzer… Cookies done… Tray…

“Dad?”

Jacob walked in the door. She put down the tray of fresh cookies… //

“Right, we’ve *definitely* got the wrong memories here. Turn it off *now*!” Jack ordered.

“I cannot! I must let it run, or the mission will be a failure!” Martouf pleaded with him, but Jack wasn’t giving way.

“These are Sam’s *personal* memories! It’s invasion of privacy to watch them.”

“We are not on your planet right now Jack. Your rules don’t apply here. *No* rules apply here.”

Daniel looked up in surprise at this unexpected statement from the normally placid young Tok’ra.

“Well it’s-”

“What is it?”

They all turned to Sam. She had her eyes wide open and was staring at the opposite wall.

“Right, I think we should-”

“NO!!!”

The screen flickered, half-broken images appearing and disappearing as quick as lightening. A spatula, a tray, a counter, a cascade of chocolate-chip cookies falling in slow motion onto a tiled floor, blond hair flying… “Marty! That’s *enough*! Turn it off now, or I will personally *ram* you through that wall!” Martouf could see that Jack meant what he said as he towered menacingly over him.

“We-”

“No…”

Everyone turned to Sam again. She was clutching at the air, her head bent low and her back shaking. Jack was over to her in a split second.

“Carter…”

“No…”

// “I’m sorry Sam…”

“You were late…”

*“Carter…”*

“No.”

“Sam…”

“NO!!! It’s your fault!!! It’s *all* your fault!!!”

She lashed out at him, wanting to hurt him more than she was hurting now, wanting him to feel as if his heart was being torn down the middle… //

“Sam!!! For God’s sake! It’s *me* Sam! It’s me!”

Jack tried to grab her flailing arms, to pin them to her side and stop her onslaught. He couldn’t see the screen, but whatever was happening was enough to have both Daniel and Martouf transfixed by its images.

“SAM!!!”

She wouldn’t stop, and he couldn’t make her. Unwilling to hurt her, he grabbed at the object embedded in her temple and pulled. It came free with surprising ease. Sam stopped punching, stopped kicking, stopped crying, and all but fell into his arms.

Martouf and Daniel blinked in surprise and looked up at him as the screen disintegrated in mid air.

“Hey!”

Daniel blinked again and turned to Martouf, surprised at the unusual sound of the Earth colloquialism from the Tok’ra’s mouth. Martouf only scrambled from his seat, not sparing a glance for Daniel.

“We *must* find out how Jollinar escaped! Do you not understand the importance of this mission O’Neill?!”

“I do.” Jack glowered at him unwaveringly. “But right now she’s not much use to you, is she? Look what you’ve done to her.”

They all looked at Sam, sobbing inconsolably onto Jacks shoulder, clutching onto his jacket for dear life, looking totally childlike and afraid and not caring where she was.

Daniel frowned and stood up, adjusting his glasses on his nose as he rose. He walked over to Jack and took the memory device from his hand, then went to Martouf and took the controller out of his hand.

“We’ll examine this. Out here.” He informed Jack, guiding Martouf out of the room.

Jack watched as the door slid shut behind them, then returned his attention to Sam. She still had her face buried in his shoulder, and was muttering incoherently, shaking her head from side to side. He guessed pulling the thing out when it was in the middle of a job meant it still left the mind fine-tuned for a minute.

“Sam?” He asked, unconsciously swaying from left to right. “It’s over now. You can come out.”

She still didn’t make a move to leave him, but stopped talking to herself.

“No it’s not. It’s never over. She’s always there.”

He latched on to what she was talking about in a second.

“Of course she is. Would you like it if she wasn’t? If she was just… *gone*?”

There was a moment of silence.

“No… But it hurts *so* much when I think about it!”

“I know.” He pursed his lips, trying not to remember his own pain. Sam didn’t need that now. “It *has* to. It’s how you prove yourself, what you’re worth.”

“But why her? Why *Mom*?! What did she do to deserve…” she hesitated for a moment. “To deserve *death*?”

“Nothing. The world’s a strange place to live in. Even if it took the worst guy in the *galaxy*, *someone* would feel the way you do now about it. That’s the way it is.”

Sam sniffed and looked up at him, red-eyed.

“Since when did you become a preacher?”

“Just recently. Self appointed.”

Sam sighed and shook her head, smiling. She covered her face with her hands and sat cross-legged on the ground. Jack followed suit.

“Look at me. I’m a mess!”

“Well, apparently, I’m also the human hanky so…”

She looked up at him, his wet shoulder, and coloured red – adding to her already red face.

“Sir! I’m sorry, I-”

“Carter?! Don’t be so damn good all the time! There’s nothing to apologise for! You just re-lived your mother’s death…” He stalled as she bit her lip and hung her head. He sighed and reached out to her.

“Sam…” She willingly accepted his embrace, sliding her arms around his neck and allowing him to pull her close. They just sat like that for a few moments, neither wanting to say anything, neither needing to say anything.

Jack stroked her hair, once again swaying from side to side, as Sam curled up to him.

“I miss her.”

“I know.”

There was another pause and Sam sniffed, unconsciously drying her eyes on Jacks collar. He tightened his arms around her.

“I don’t want to lose my dad too. But I *can’t* watch that again!”

“No. We’re not gonna lose him. Don’t worry-” He stopped short, partly because he didn’t think she’d take kindly to ‘pretty little head’, partly because she had stopped moving again.

“Sam?”

“Transporter rings.”

“What?”

She struggled to sit up, but he kept a hold of her arms.

“Transporter rings. Jollinar used transporter rings in the commanders room to escape!”

“In the… Rings… What?!”

Sam swallowed and straightened up.

“I’m not sure *how* yet…” She squeezed her eyes shut and hung her head.

“Carter?”

“Bynar. Bynar. She… Oh my God…” Sam’s face turned sour. Jack frowned.

“What? What’s Bynar?”

Sam looked up at him and swallowed.

“She… Bynar loved Jollinar. She… used herself, to get him to trust her. Then she…” Sam sighed and shook her head. “I can’t remember…” She looked back up at Jack, hoping his mind wasn’t going along the same lines as hers.

“Don’t worry. At least now we know there’s a way.” He tilted his head to one side. “You okay?” He gestured awkwardly with his hand, and the corner of his eye twitched.

“I will be.” She thought about forcing a smile, but realised he’d see through it in an instant. “I just have to get Dad out. I can’t loose him too.” She sniffed involuntarily.

Jack reached out and squeezed her shoulder gently.

“We’ll get him back. Don’t worry your… Don’t worry.” He kicked himself mentally for his near miss. Unfortunately for him, Sam had noticed.

“Don’t worry my what?” She asked warily, looking him in the eye. Jack sighed. No point in denying it. He pulled on one of his reserve ‘little-boy-faces’, which consisted of him pouting, cringing and smiling all at once.

“I was gonna say ‘pretty little head’…”

Sam opened her mouth slightly, neither hitting him, nor laughing at him, but he prepared for attack, just in case. However, just as it looked as though she was going to do something, the door to the room opened, and Daniel poked his head in.

“Jack? Sam?” He walked in slowly. “You okay?”

The moment broken, they helped each other up and turned to him. Jack couldn’t help but feel a twinge of resentment towards Daniel, but Sam had started to talk, so he put the thought out of his head and tuned into her instead.

“… rings in the room. I’m almost positive there’s a switch somewhere, but Jollinar never found it.”

“Well that’s *some* good news… Although we wouldn’t need it if the bad news hadn’t come first…” Daniel frowned at the other’s puzzled faces. “Never mind.”

“Samantha?” A timid looking Martouf peeped around the door. When he saw her standing, he smiled and walked in, only to stop again when Jack cleared his throat, glared and stepped closer to Sam. She gave the Tok’ra a half smile, but leaned slightly towards Jack.

Sensing the tension, Daniel licked his lips and explained.

“Jollinar discovered transporter rings in one of the commanders rooms. She figured…” His voice faded as he left the room, Martouf alongside him. Jack turned to Sam.

“You okay?”

She bit her lip and smiled up at him.

“Yeah. Thanks. Sorry.”

“No problem…” Jack could see that she wasn’t finished, and it made him uneasy. “But?…”

“But…” She walked right up to him and smirked cheekily into his face. On the verge of saying something she’d regret, she changed her mind and backed down slightly. “Just don’t start calling me ‘babe’.”

Bemused, Jack replied “Okay…”

Sam watched him for a moment, then gave him a bright smile and headed for the door. When she reached it, she turned and waited for him. After a second, he grinned and followed her. Tapping her back lightly, they left the room.

“…Babe.”

~fin~