Hindsight by MWJ

Hindsight
by MWJ

The more she thought about it, the less she could believe she did it. Major Carter was in a retrospective mood, mostly because of the events of the past 10 days. Professionally, the week had been a disaster. The briefing for the new F-302 squadron had not gone well. First she had to prove herself in front of a room full of arrogant pilots, something she had not had to do since her stay at the Pentagon. Then O'Neill had interrupted and taken over in the middle, quite disrespectfully. Sam comforted herself by remembering that while the double had the knowledge of her colonel O'Neill, he had the patience and attitude of a 15 year old. Which was sometimes an improvement over how the original acted.

The upside to the time had revolved around O'Neill. Seeing him as a child had somehow relaxed the barriers in her head regarding him. Even to the point of calling him cute to his face. At that point as far as anyone knew, he was the real Jack O'Neill. And she still called him cute. What drove her to do that, she had no idea. At least the duplicate had been thinking clearly, and reminded her that no matter how he appeared, he was still her commander. A few other occasions came to mind where Jack had been the one to remind her of their situation. The incident with the Gould "opium den" came to mind. He cared for her… a lot more than he should, in his own words, which was sort of their private euphemism. If he seemed harsh about reminding her of her place, it was because no matter how he felt, O'Neill was determined not to let her lose her career because of him.

Before the last week, Sam still had some doubts about whether he still cared. Recently they had relaxed a great degree in each other's company, to the point where rumors were picking up again in strength. But besides that, he was still rather impenetrable were his feelings were concerned. Walking into his bedroom had been a novel experience. She had never been in there before. It had been a pleasant experience to see his private possessions, his photos, and his awards. The duplicate Jack had been adamant about certain things remaining private, however. It was hard not to blush at the thought of Daniel going through Jack's boxers. Teal'c had even succeeded in irritating the clone. But for some reason he had never bothered Sam about looking through his stuff. Even when she found something she was pretty sure he would rather her not see. On his tables and walls Jack had pictures of himself, and Charlie and Sarah. The last photo, of the three of them together, was painful to see, the family that he lost. It may have seemed that he was trying to cling to it, but Sam knew better. In the chest she had been looking through was a surprise. She never knew that some of those pictures of her had been taken; much less that Jack had them. One was from years ago, at her promotion to Major. Another was of SG-1 before Daniel had ascended. Another was from when Jonas was part of the team. Several were from various parties and poker nights, of her alone, and sometimes her and Jack together. And last was a picture of her, Mark, Jacob, and her mother. The only way he could have a copy of that would have been to ask her one of her family for it, and she was pretty sure that he hadn't talked to her brother. Next time she saw Dad there were a few questions to be answered.

Still, she had called Jack 'cute' to his face, in front of a number of witnesses. Not that he hadn't deserved the title, especially when she saw him asleep after being beamed back by Loki. He had looked adorable curled up with his head halfway under a pillow. Unfortunately she really shouldn't be having those thoughts. Even if he was cute when he did that. Angrily she shook her head, trying to get her mind off that line of reasoning. She would only work herself up and then become depressed. It had happened enough to know that she had better stop now. And by enough she meant every day. This time may be worse however, because of one fact. While she had not actually told her Jack he was cute, the duplicate was identical mentally. And while he knew that Sam would not go for him, he had no compunctions about telling the original what she had said that morning. Oops. She should have expected that. Now Jack was walking around with a self-satisfied grin, causing the various people on base to wonder if this one was the real Jack either. Sam watched as he walked in to the commissary and headed directly for her.

"So Carter, do you really stand by what you said?"

This was going to make it almost impossible to 'keep it in the room.' Not that she really wanted to, but it was necessary. What she would give to have the chance to become closer to him, without worries. Now was almost her chance, but the Air Force meant she couldn't take it. Why did she do this to herself? She still couldn't think of why exactly she decided to call Jack cute.

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