What Should Have Been - Time to Cross that Fear
I always knew that some day she might not come back, something would happen on one of these routine missions, and I'd be seeing her down into the ground. The glass had finally fallen and broken, shards of glass scattering over the surface, disrupting everything for the time being. The call came early that morning on my cell phone, Jacob sounded like he was ready to die himself, pulling the short stick and the responsibility to tell me. She was gone again. They all were gone this time, disappearing in a wink of an eye, shot in the back like the cowards way. Not the best way to tell me over the phone, but what was they supposed to do, when I'd done a disappearing act. I didn't know what was worse, that they took my best friend or that they took my lover away from me. His phone call was short, especially as I threw the phone, through the window into the garden, where all the new furniture was waiting, wrapped up in plastic sheets to protect it from nature's cruel ways.
The month's worth of repairing and replacing, was trash within ten minutes, ending when I'd broken down into tears, dropping the hammer onto the wooden floor. We'd started working on the house a week after I brought it, the place was already empty when I brought it, together we were going to do it up with some help, from my brother, James, doing the jobs I couldn't do. (Always handy to have a carpenter for a brother). She wants to move in as soon possible, join our two lifestyles together and finally be the couple she wants us to be. Be the family, we should've been at the very start. Linole already has the bedroom she wants picked out, thrilled with the vastly bigger garden she'll be playing in, with the climbing frame thing Teal'c and Daniel, are going to help me build.
Driving to pick Linole up from Sarah's, I was out of it, she didn't know about her mom and I didn't want to believe it. How could seven happy months of my life, be taken away with a blast of a staff weapon? Only that morning we'd made love, had breakfast together and I'd driven her to the base after dropping Linole off at school, kissing her goodbye without realising, it was going to be our last kiss. She told me that morning; she might have some good news by the time she got home, from her latest mission, her last mission. Three days I was expecting to wait for the news, except the news I got came by the next day, today. I knew there was something wrong, I felt it in my gut, working through it at the new house. Luckily, Linole had stayed round Charlotte's, a friend of hers from school. So I hadn't had to worry about her till about four.
Fastening Linole into her seat, I drove all the way to the base without saying a word, grunting and nodding my head at whatever Linole was saying, babbling on about her sleep over and what happened at school that day. The guards on the gates, had the gates open and waiting for us, saluting my passing truck, letting me straight in on orders from Hammond. I couldn't give a damn about anyone else, the only thing I wanted was my Sam and Linole to be okay, and one of them wasn't. She was dead. Another one of life's angels, ripped away from this cruel world, returning back to heaven where they belonged.
Parking up in an empty space, I pulled my keys out of the ignition, resting my head against the steering wheel, chanting to myself to keep it together, for Linole's sake and for mine. No one needed to see me cry, it was enough that I'd been crying in the spot, where the couch was going to go, with myself to witnessed it. Linole wrapped her arms round my neck, unaware what was wrong with me, but knowing something was wrong. Babies could do the same thing, if someone was unhappy the baby picked up on it, when someone was happy the baby was happy. Pulling her across into my lap, grasping at her for any comfort she could give me, stroking a hand down her blonde hair, wiping my cheeks onto her dress.
Climbing out of my truck, shutting the door behind me, I started over to the elevator holding Linole close, Janet and Jacob waiting for us. Handing Linole over to Janet, I couldn't look Jacob in the eye; something told me I'd only see, what I felt and the same for him. Someone guided me into the elevator, their hand gently pressing on my shoulder blade, telling me it's going to be okay. I was going to be okay. But I wasn't, I could already feel the dark depths of my mind, pulling me to the pit I'd been when Charlie died. Clawing at the edges of the pit, saving me from vanishing completely into myself. I know I have to stay above the edge for Linole, now I'm the only one she has left.
The elevator jolted into action, someone was crying, at first I thought it was Linole or it was Janet. But it was me. The tears stained down my cheeks, plummeting down onto my t-shirt, the small dots changed the clean white t-shirt to a dark grey colour. Wiping them off onto my t-shirt's sleeve, Linole reached out to me from Janet's arms, Jacob patted his hand on my back, fighting his own battle with his tears. The doors opened onto a quiet corridor, people stood still, their heads bowed down. Nodding my head to Janet, passing Linole back to me, we exited out of the elevator, getting into the next elevator without a word being said.
I chuckled when Linole started wiping my cheeks, humming a tune Sam hummed when Linole cried, her arms loosely hanging round my neck. Janet seemed to be bearing up; her doctor mode was in full swing, stopping her from feeling anything for her friends and secret lover, sleeping their peaceful sleep in the freezers. We're both in the same predicament, losing a lover and our best friends. I know for fact, when she goes home tonight, she's going to need someone to be there, because she'll completely lose it, go off her rocker. When I get to Sam's, I know I won't be sleeping under her roof. The place won't be the same without her there.
The smell of the infirmary floor hit me, when the elevator doors opened; Jacob was the first out into the empty corridor. Closely following behind him, it started to feel weird, being in the S.G.C without her being there or knowing she was somewhere on base. She loved Valentines Day, so she told me. Leaving for work early that morning, she talked to me on the phone, thinking I was back at my cabin after dropping me off at the airport, the night before. The weekend we'd classed as our own Valentine's Day, because she'd be working on Valentine's Day itself and I had to finished packing my things into boxes, and getting the Pontiac ready to driven down to the new house.
The whole day had been planned after everyone, ruined our first Christmas together, so they'd given me permission to be on base that day, hiding out till everything had been set. I sat under her desk for five whole hours, waiting for her to finally get to her lab that morning. A single rose was lying on her desk, with a note telling her, to close her eyes and her wish would come true. (It was so girly flick; it'd made me sick to my stomach) Low and behold, when she opened her eyes, I was stood there with a bunch of roses, grinning like a complete idiot. Another sappy tale in our dead relationship.
Passing the infirmary doors, I glanced inside as we passed, seeing all of beds occupied with healing people, sleeping or lying there with nothing to do. Tightening my hold round Linole, she complained at the tightness, tugging at my ear to get my attention. I came to a halt in the corridor, standing a good five feet away from the mortuary doors, staring at their cold metal doors. I've never liked mortuaries, scared one of the dead bodies, would jump out and grab me. To tell the truth, the word mortuary brought with it a surge of anger. Angry over Charlie dieing, my granddad dieing, all my friends who'd died over the years, and now my lover was laying on one of those slabs, joining my list to be angry for.
Surrendering Linole over to Jacob, I took a brave and unsteady step towards the doors, posing my hand on the door to push. The small window gave me a view I didn't want to see. Even with the white sheet over her, I knew it was her lying there, in between Teal'c and Daniel. The Captain who'd only just joined the team, was on the opposing wall to them, I'd only met him briefly but he seemed an okay kinda guy. Sam thinks I'll get along with him, he's into… he was into the Simpsons, drove her nuts with his quotes.
Biting my lower lip I stepped inside, the cold air rushing out of the door, sending chills down my spine and up again, unnerving the situation further. Folding my arms up to keep me warm, I made my way round the room, circling her body, moving a foot in each pass I made. Standing at her side by her head, I gulped down my emotions, reaching for the edge of the sheet, to pull it aside but it wouldn't budge. Closing my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breathe of cold air, I tugged the sheet away from her face, my hand brushing against her cold skin.
Looking down at her, I watched tear after tear fall onto her bluest skin, streaking down to the cold metal table, she was lying on. Daring myself to touch her skin, it felt as if my skin was burning against hers, scalded by the coldness of her skin, once so warm and nurturing. Running a finger along her hairline, hooking some of her hair behind her ear, she'd said she was going to get it trimmed when she got back, already fed up with it tickling her neck. The bone shattering sound of my arms banging, onto the edge of the table, echoed in the room, dropping to my knees beside the one true love of my life.
Tracing my fingers down her cheek, she lay there still, unaffected by my touch, undisturbed from her deep sleep. Pulling myself up onto my feet using her cold slab, I bend over her body, placing one last kiss on her cold un-returning lips, soothing her cold hair back. Covering her back up with the sheet, straightening it to make it perfect like her. Shoving my cold hands deep into my pockets, I turned to leave only getting half way across the room, to discovered something wasn't right. Of course, Sam being dead was wrong, but there was something wrong with her body.
Frowning at the body I crossed back over to it, whipping the sheet away, searching over her body for whatever it was. And there it was, the tiny little detail that was so easy to miss, but being her intimate lover for the past seven months, it would be wrong of me to miss it and I hadn't. The small scar that receded back into her hairline, given to her in her five months, sitting in a cell in some Goa'uld stronghold. It was on the wrong side of her forehead. It's always been on the left, I'm sure of that as I am that Homer and Marge are married.
Running over to the door, it swung open wildly, held open by my foot. Janet and Jacob both looked at me startled, still stuck in their inner turmoil. "It's not her!"
Janet put Linole down on the concrete floor, placing her small hand on my chest, she said. "Jack, I know what you're going through. But that is Sam in there. And that's Daniel beside her"
Groaning down at the petite doctor, I took hold of her wrist, dragging her into the cold room, presenting her with exhibit one: 'Not Sam's body' body. The door flapped closed, with Jacob coming to stand beside me, blushing at the sight of Sam's uncovered body. Combing 'Not Sam' hairs away from the scar, I pointed at it, looking to the pair of them as they looked dumbfounded.
"This isn't Sam, because this scar" I said, motioning towards the scar again. "…is on the wrong side of her forehead. Janet, if you look in her file, I bet you ten to one, this scar is marked on the left side of her head"
Bowing her head down at the body, she quickly left to retrieve the file, her lab coat floating up behind her. Scratching the top of my head, Jacob pulled the sheet over Sam, leaving her head uncovered. A small tear ran down the grief stricken father, his 'fake' baby girl lying on a slab in this cold place. Going through something like this is hard, losing a child at any age is hard, it saddened me that I knew how Jacob felt and he knew how I felt, losing a lover/companion/best friend like I have now. But I can have the hope she's still out there, he can't have any hope, his lover/companion/best friend is six feet under.
We both were disturbed from our individual musings, Janet returning with the file in her hands, already flicking through the papers for Sam's latest medical report. She laid the file on 'fake' Sam's chest after a wave of hesitation, turning some of the pages over, reading through the medical jargon, all of it going straight over my head.
Pinching at the bridge of her nose, she took one last look at a piece of paper, before examining the scar I'd indicated, checking it with what the piece of paper said. "I don't believe it"
"He's right!" Jacob stated more than asked, distastefully looking down at a copy of his daughter's body. "This isn't her at all"
"I can't see how I missed it, it seems so obvious now, looking at it." She said, going over to Daniel's body, lifting up the sheet to look at something. "It's the same here too. Daniel's scar on the inside of his leg, isn't there too"
The look Jacob and I shared, was more in amusement than of surprised, in how Janet was very intimate with Daniel's markings/scars. Given she is his doctor and has to see him naked most of the time, but she didn't even have to check with his file. Yet, with my Sam, she has to check it. Bizarre is all I can say.
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Sitting at the briefing room table like in the good old days, the atmosphere was busier than before, now the news SG-1 weren't dead had been circulated. Linole was sat on the table, her feet either side of my legs, playing with my hands, tracing the veins until they disappeared deep into my arm. I felt useless just sitting there, watching them make their decision in the other room, talking over the future plans to rescue my Sam and friends. They'd been on that red phone a lot, chatting to Prez in between discussing things themselves. Jacob would point at me through the window, his voice getting louder till the General shushed him, returning him back to normal levels.
Linole flipped my hand over, plastering her own hand against my vastly bigger hands, the tips of her fingers just touching passed, the beginnings of my fingers. The door opened to Hammond's office, I was on my feet before either General came out, waving a dismissive hand at me, acknowledging my standing to attention. They whispered away to each other, glancing at me from time to time. Jacob folded his arms, moving to look out the window, like I've seen him do a millions of times, observing his chats with Sam when I was still stomping around these grounds.
The General played with his wedding band, as he said. "Jack, we're going to send some teams back to the planet, SG-1 were surveying and see if there's anything we've missed. Jacob's going to go back to the Tok'ra and see if they've heard anything through their channels. Believe me, son. We'll do everything we can do, to get them all back safe and sound"
Lifting Linole off the table, I put her down, watching her skipped over to Jacob, trying to see what he could see down in the room below. "Good, because that's what I'm going to do too"
"Jack, you can only hope for the best like we all are doing" The General said, placing a hand on my shoulder, taking it away when I looked at it.
"The only way you're going to get them back, safe and sound, is by letting me lead one of the teams, they're my friends. Sam's out there! There's no way you can expect me to sit back and do nothing, not when I know I'll be put to better used here. I sat back last time, out of fear, this time I'm not playing couch potato." I said, boldly stepping forward, closing the space between us. "Please, George. For my sake, and Linole's, let me go through"
"But your shoulder, you told me under no circumstances, would you go through the gate with it" He said, stating something I'd said nine years ago in this very room, my arm strapped up to my chest, fresh out of the academy hospital.
Unconsciously rotating my shoulder, I brushed some of my hair back, saying. "Circumstances change, I didn't have two other people to think about then and to care for. There's no way in blue hell, even with this shoulder, am I going to sit back and let you guys go off looking for them, without me. I am not going to sit at home by the phone, let her mother sit out there in some cell or whatever, when I am perfectly capable of helping in the search. Last time, I let fear get in the way but now I have a greater fear than my shoulder. I fear if I lose Sam now, there'll be no coming back for me. Linole will lose her and me"
Linole was bewildered with our talk, hearing her name mentioned, but not understanding what was going on. Snatching her up, cupping my arm firmly underneath her, I went to the door, stopping just in the doorway. Licking my lips I turned back to them, both probably surprised by my little out burst of a little confession.
"You both know, even if you tell me I'm not allowed to go. I can sneak back onto this base without being detected, and be through that gate before you even know it. So whatever you decide, I'm going"
Storming off down the corridor at a quick pace, I nodded my head to passing people who said hello, or made some gesture that they recognised me. Rounding the corner, the elevator came into the view at the other end, people waiting outside it for it to come pick them up. I must have been having the worst day in history, being told she's dead and then she's not. Someone could get seriously confused, if strange things like this, hadn't happen to them in the past. Hopefully with my past, Jacob and the General will see I'm right. Having more capable people, searching for them would be better than hand full of rookies.
There were some loud comments coming from behind me, complaining about being knocked into, the sounds of paper flying to floor with a flutter. Linole tapped me on the shoulder, pointing to someone coming up behind me. Stopping midway down the corridor to the elevator, Jacob came skidding to halt, almost passing me in his hast to get to me. Having a moment for a breather, I patiently waited for him to catch his breath, greeting everyone who was glaring at Sam's dad with a look of annoyance, all to well known round the SGC.
People carried on with their business, collecting papers up from the floor, when Jacob finally stood up straight, sighing before he started. "Jack, George says if you can pass a physical, and Janet okay's it, he'll let you have a team. But he wants you to bear in mind, not to get too comfortable with having a team again. He can't have you coming back when he's finally finished, sorting through the paperwork, you forgot to do and written in your terrible hand writing"
"Have you been practicing that, coming down the hallway?" I said, chuckling at him, beginning down the corridor to the elevator.
"Yeah, it wasn't too rushed was it?" Jacob said, patting me on the back, joining in with my laughter.
Linole pulled at my t-shirt's collar, sobering us both to the point where we'd listen to her. "Where's mommy?"
Coaxing her head down to my shoulder, noticing the tiredness around her eyes, I said. "Shhh… she'll be home soon, I promise"
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I hadn't slept a wink that night, worrying about where she was and if she's okay, delving into her draws, getting her things out so I could smell them, pretending she was there with me. I even took a bath in her girlie soap stuff, but that only lasted ten minutes. I didn't want Janet thinking I'd been sleeping around with some woman, I'd smelt like a brothel. So I spent the night, sat at Linole's bedside, watching over her while she slept for me and for her. Sarah came by and took Linole to school for me, promising me she'd look after Linole until I got back from some urgent business, my lame cover story. Sarah's no fool and that's why I think Sam chose her to be her babysitter, she doesn't take any crap from anyone, especially me. I'd found that out one morning, when she greeted me, half with it half not, telling me to shut up when I'd been moaning at her one morning, complaining at her about her earliness.
The morning so far had gone without a hitch; my shoulder had stood up to all of Janet's tests, better than my shoulder has ever done. People passing by the gym and infirmary, egged me on and said it was nice to see me back in home colours. But even without their encouragement, I could've got through Janet's torture, pushing myself to get to Sam, nothing can get in my way now. I'm not going to let some stupid fear of letting everyone down, get in my way of being there for her. I'm more scared for her than I am for myself.
Waiting in Janet's office with Jacob, here for morale support and to be a persuading General if need be, but Janet has already assured me that I'll be going. Her exact words were 'If you can't bring them home, I'll have to go get them and I'm certainly not fit, to go running round with those guns of yours. Better you were going than me. You damn well will, if I have anything to do with it'. If Sam wanted some evidence to throw in there faces, next time she wanted to confront them about being together, she should have been there when Janet was going on about Daniel, confessing all to me while having a blubbery moment. But I won't tell Sam; I've promised Janet I won't.
The petite doctor came in from the main infirmary, reading a piece of paper with a smile, a slight skip in her step. Jacob was already on his feet, out the door before Janet gave the nod, picking up the phone to tell General Hammond. As she dialled the number, I leant over the desk, placing a grateful kiss on her cheek, whispering I'd bring them home. With a pat on the back, I was out of her office faster than a bullet.
"Jack, your team's waiting in the briefing room. Here's their files" Jacob said, hefting the files some airman was carrying, jogging to keep up with our larger paces, slamming them into my chest. "I'll be gone a few days, George is going to be sending your team through last. Give the four of you sometime to get used to each other. Oh and here" Digging out a pass and security card from his pocket, he shoved them into my hand. "You'll need these if you're going to get anywhere round here"
"Okay" I said insecure with how thick each of the files was, I hate to have to read through Sam's now I'd be there till next year, especially with her promotion coming up soon. (Some top-secret info the General had let Jacob in on, and he'd let me in on. The reason it's been so delay, was to let her prove herself without my merited reports or something). "How long will your few days be?"
Coming to standstill in front of the elevator, the airman deviated from the two of us, returning back to his daily tasks. Swishing his card through the reader, the counter started counting down to our level, Jacob looked thoughtful for a minute or two, playing with his card between his hands.
"A day or two. I'll throw my weight around a bit, roll some heads and see what I come up with." He said, the doors opening as he finished.
Stepping into the elevator, I shifted the files to my hip, wedging them securely underneath my arm, resting up against the elevator walls. The doors shut a few second after Jacob pushed a button; he also pressed the button for the gate room level, standing next to me in the elevator. Glancing at him I found him watching me, arching an eye at him, I looked down at myself. Sure I was back in SGC colours, fitting back into the clothes easily, it'd was like putting on an old pair of boots, smug as a bug.
"Jacob, why you looking at me like that?" I asked, eyeing the man up and down.
"She's made the right choice with you, Jack. You're a good man." Jacob said, nodding his head in agreement with what he said.
Grinning to myself down at the floor, I couldn't help but gloat, feeling appreciated and wanted, accepted by this man who I've dreamt, will be my father in law one day. Sam doesn't care what her dad or Mark think of me, but I do. Getting a compliment or accepted, into the close circle of the Carter family, would be more than I deserve. She's more than I deserve, and I know it. I'm thankful that Jacob hasn't said anything, throwing 'I were her CO' in our faces, cutting all relations with Sam. Family means a lot to Sam since her mother died, keeping her brother and dad talking, even if it was only through her or with arguments, but they could still be called a family.
That's probably why she made a big fuss about meeting my family; wanting to be integrated into the O'Neill clan, feel she has a purpose in my life. The only reason I have a life now, is because she gave me one. Hiding at my cabin for nine years, was certainly not something I call a life. Coming out of the hiding for a couple of days, keeping myself to myself, destroying all connections I had with these people, who'd been there for me in the past. But worse of all, I broke the connection between me and Sam, and that I can never forgive myself for.
The elevator shook when it stopped, the doors retracted back into the wall, letting me out onto the briefing room level. Pausing in the doorway of the elevator, I looked back at Jacob, nodding our heads at each other; we both had a mutual understanding. Together we're going to bring her home, cause god help those who are holding her captive, my patients and sarcastic remarks aren't what they used to be.
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Standing outside the briefing room door, I suddenly felt nervous about the whole thing, my grief stricken mind finally calming down and realising what I've put myself into. Going through the gate, with a team under my care and command, their lives hanging in the balance with my orders. 'Medical emergency in the briefing room, Colonel O'Neill's having a panic attack' is what should've been blaring out of the intercom. But there's no going back anymore, if someone's going to bring them home, it might as well be me but I can't do that, hiding in a closet. Breathing very deeply I stepped into the room, my new teammates stood immediately, one of them very familiar from a brief encounter.
Marching to the head of the table, I placed the files down on the table, memorising each face and name on their uniform. Snapping a quick salute, I gestured for the three of them to sit down, pulling Hammond's chair out to sit down in. Making myself comfortable, I flicked through the top file, switching from written reports to the three of them. Hoskins seemed slightly nervous; twiddling with anything he could get his hands on, picking at the arms of the chair.
"Hoskins," I said, he jumped at the sound of his own name. "You'll be my second"
"Is that really wise, sir?" Hoskins said, pleading with me over the table.
"Hoskins, you're the higher ranking officer out of the three of you, or had you forgotten?"
His head shook as he sat back into his seat, leaning onto the table with my elbows, I scratched at the back of my neck, observing Hurley and Jones on the other side of the table. The two of them seemed familiar to me, I'd seen them somewhere before, not round the SGC but somewhere else. Sliding another file off the pile, opening it out onto Hoskins, I scanned through it to find Hurley, was a passed recruit of mine, working a steady five years at the SGC. At least I can say my boys trained them right, a lot of people only last a year, either die off world or quit with the stress and strain of this job.
"Hurley, fill me in on what you know?" I said, turning a page in his file, following my finger across the black and white papers.
Clearing his throat, Hurley sat to attention in his chair, clasping his hands on top of the table. "SG-1 left the SGC for PX3 2S3 at 0830hrs, they reported in on scheduled till 1100hrs the next morning, when Major Carter said she would report in. General Hammond sent a team through at 1140hrs, to find out what was delaying their report. When SG-13 arrived at their encampment, SG-1 were discovered dead, all shot in the back by a staff weapon. Colonel O'Neill, you sir, arrived to see the body of Major Carter, discovering it wasn't her. Doctor Fraiser verified the rest of SG-1 weren't SG-1, and now General Hammond is sending teams back to find SG-1"
Nodding my head at him, I started reading through Jones file, another one of my recruits, surviving longer than the old school. Jiggling the lose change in my pocket, I angled Jones file so I could read it, remembering this file all too well, the star recruit who'd nearly beat Sam's scores.
"Jones" I said, his file falling down to cover Hurley's. "When are we due to ship out?"
Tugging his sleeve away from his watch, Jones said. "We're due in the gate room at 1435hrs, sir. SG-4 has already gone through to set a base camp, for all arriving teams. SG-6 will be going through soon to join them, sir"
Lifting the flap up on my shirt pocket, I wasn't really looking at any of them, my gaze sweeping across the table, pulling my pen out of my pocket. Clicking the button down on the pen, I scribbled on the back of my hand, calculating how much ground we could cover, with twelve men in the shortest amount of time. Closing their files up, piling them on top of one another, I slid my pen back into my breast pocket, bracing myself on top of their files.
"I want you three to know, those people out there mean a hell of a lot to me, so we're going to put everything we have on getting them back" I said, swapping my gaze between them. "They've all saved my life more than once, so I owed it to the three of them and Captain Stewart, to get them all home. Do you all understand me, if I tell you to go jump a hundred feet off a cliff, without any kind of safety precautions, you'll do it without question?"
"Yes, sir" They chorused together, sitting straighter in their seats.
"Good, because I ask the impossible of people, and I expect to get what I ask for. Believe me, I'm the number one spoilt brat of the world" I said, getting up from my seat, they stood at the same time I picked their files up, a little light reading over some lunch. "I expect to see the three of you in the gate room at 1430hrs. Dismissed"
Hurley and Jones shared a look on the way to the door, whispering about something to one another. Hefting the files under my arm, Hoskins slowly left the room, a slight confused look to his face, his hands seeking depths of his pockets, deeper than the deepest parts of the sea. Scratching the back of my neck, I walked out of the room through the door, next to the General's office, lost as to where I could hide myself for four hours. Sam's lab and office were out of the question, they wouldn't be able to get me out of the there, when it was time to go through the gate, intoxicated with her smell. I still think they should make her smell, or whatever she wears, illegal. No one's supposed to smell as good as she does. Where are you Sam?
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Exiting the elevator out onto the car park, I wasn't the only one who'd come up for a breathier, unaccustomed to being underground for so long, but the people who'd come to the surface, were here for their fag break. The communal smoking point of the SGC. Nodding my head to some passing airmen, my hands dug into my pockets, I sauntered over to the kerb, stepping down onto the yellow mark area, on the tarmac. Retrieving my hands from my pockets, I hiked up my pant legs, sitting down onto the kerb behind me, laying my legs out in front of me, my hands resting in my lap. It was escaping me why I chose to come here, I'd been swinging for the commissary but I guess my subconscious had other ideas. Bringing me back to a spot, I'd spent a lot of time at the beginning of my history, with the gate. Smoking my life away, a slow and meaningless death.
Plucking a loose thread off my shirt, discarding it to the gutter, someone sat down beside me, keeping her skirt somewhere near her knee. Smiling at Janet, I crammed my hands between my thighs, breathing in the fresh air or fresh air mixed with tobacco smoke. Stunned to see a smoking stick between her slender fingers, my brow ceased up together, my brain was unable, to understand the information being processed. It was a few seconds before she released what I was frowning at.
"I needed something that was legal." Janet said, wafting the grey smoke from in front of her face. "A habit I kicked after high school, and it takes this to make me, break my promise to myself"
"I know how you feel" I said, watching another wave of smokers come out of the elevator, one of my team members was one of them. "Jones"
His headshot up in surprise, a crooked smile tugged the corner of his lips, a cigarette in one hand and his lighter, similar to my old one, in his other hand. "Yes, sir. Can I help you with something?"
"Yeah, got another one of those?" I asked indicating towards his cigarette; Janet chuckled to herself next to me, drawing a long drag from her cigarette.
Looking round to his friends behind him, hands delved into pockets, offering him one to give to me. Acting the middleman in the transaction, Jones handed me the cigarette, offering me the use of his lighter. Thanking the others with a nod of my head, I drew the white stick and fuelled lighter out of his hands, clamping an end of the cigarette with my lips. Lighting the other end of the stick, protruding out of my mouth, I handed Jones his lighter back, scooting closure to Janet's, are smoke blending in together.
Inhaling the much-needed dulling affects of the cigarette, the warm burning sensation ran down my throat, filling my lungs with settling ease. Examining the smoking stick, seeing it from all perspectives, this one tiny little stick kills thousands every year, yet it looks so harmless. Sighing at the small short relief the tobacco gave me; I brought my knees up to my chest, supporting my chin with my hand, my elbow resting on top of my knee.
"You're shipping out soon, aren't you?" Janet asked, tapping some of the unneeded ash, off the end of her cigarette.
"Hmmm…" I grunted, inhaling another dose of the cigarette. "In about forty minutes or something. When I've finished this I'll go down and get geared up"
"Jack" Janet said, forcing me to look into the seriousness in her eyes. "You bring him home even in a body bag, you bring Daniel home. Bring them all home"
Draping my arm over her shoulder, pulling her closure to me, I said. "I'll bring them home. I promise you. If I come home without any of them, I know I'll be attack by your big needles"
She laughed in my shoulder, shadowing her face from the fake lighting of the car park, her cigarette staying a safe distance away from my clothing. Smiling at her amusement, taking a drag from my cigarette I cast my view round the parking lot, stopping on her name plate in the distance, her parking space free of a car or of her bike. It's weird, but I can never remember not seeing her car/bike parked in that spot, it's never been empty when I've been here before. God, I sound like my mother did after my dad left home, clinging to his clothes, saying 'he always wore this shirt when he was working on his car'. Blah, blah, blah.
I've become pathetic, over the seven months we've been together. She's certainly got me on a lease, bloody on my mind all the time but when wasn't she. Traipsing through other worlds, I think my first thought every time, I stepped through the gate, was whether she made it through okay, would she like to put her feet up.
Rocking my head side to side, I took one last drag from the cigarette, disposing it off into the gutter further up from me, rolling under the front wheel of someone's car. Wiping the back of my pants as I got up, I held a hand out to Janet, offering her a hand up. She gracefully slid her hand in mine, keeping a hold on the edge of her skirt, she pulled herself to her feet, finishing off the rest of her cigarette, flicking it off in some direction.
"I better go get geared up, you coming down in the elevator?" I asked, starting over to the elevator, noticing Jones doing the same thing.
"No" Janet said, brushing some dust off her skirt. "I'm going to hang round here for a bit. Hurry back with them"
Agreeing with her with a nod of my head, I pressed the call button for the elevator, shoving my hand back into my pocket. Jones smiled at me, rocking on his feet, counting each level the elevator passed before the elevator dinged opened. Entering in before him, he pressed a button while I waved at Janet, slowly blocked away with the elevator doors, closing in front of me.
**************************************************************
Checking the safety was on, on my P90 hanging from my chest, the gate spun round with its usual stream coming from the conductors, people swarming round in a hurry, checking this and checking that. Jones and Hurley were stood chatting, at the base of the gate, debating which M.R.E was better, chicken and sweet corn or macaroni. Tugging the strap on my hat tighter, the new cap was slightly looser than I liked it, amused with Hoskins tiptoeing round the F.R.E.D, inspecting the supplies we're taking through with us. The whole scene reminded me, of SG-1'a first mission through the gate, going out into the unknown, unknowing each member of my team except for Daniel.
She'd didn't know what to say round me, blurting out the first thing that came into her head, working on making a friendship with me, though I was still grieving for Kawalsky. Having her around, I found it easier each day, realising I had another friend in her, someone else who had the same sense of humour as me, deep down inside of her, waiting to be release by me. Night chats beside the fire, encouraging her to be herself instead of Major Carter, letting me see the true side of a future best friend. But even then, spending nights by the campfire, going for a drink after work, celebrating birthdays and such. I never got to know like I do now.
Screwing the heel of my gloved hand into my eye, the gate opened out into the room, retracting back to form the forgery of a pool, dyeing the room in its blue wash. "You have a go Colonel, Major Greatrix is waiting for you the other side"
Licking my lips anxiously, I gave him one of my old 'half wave half salute' waves, my hand coming to rest on the butt of my P90. Signalling for the other three to go on through after the F.R.E.D, driven by Hoskins through the water surface, slipping through to the other. Steadily stepping up onto the steps of the ramp, I rubbed my shoulder through my jacket, each step up the ramp becoming harder and harder, a fear develop from lying in that damp grass, praying for them to come and rescue me. Scared I'm going to go through the gate, and be left for good this time.
"Colonel O'Neill, are you okay?" The General asked over the PA system, jolting me from my inner thinking.
Taking a slow steady breath, I wave his concern away, disappearing into the watery surface, hurled billion of light years across the galaxy. Arriving on the other side, I stumbled out onto the other side, finding all of them there, SG-6 and SG-4 stood at the base of the steps. Shrugging off the chill created by the gate, the gate closed down behind me, casting a suspicious eye behind me, I swept my gaze round till I found Major Greatrix, holding his hand out to me.
"Its an honour to have you here, sir. We didn't believe General Hammond, when he told us you'd be joining us" Greatrix said, shaking my arm out of my shoulder joint.
Snatching my hand out of his grip, I slyly rubbed at my hand, saying. "Yeah. Where have you set up base camp?"
Guiding me through the other ten men, Greatrix led the way to the tree line as he said. "We set the base camp up, near where SG-1 set their camp up. The thing is sir, when we arrived this morning, there was another set of SG-1 bodies. We haven't touched them, so I don't know if they are or not. General Hammond said to wait till you come, before we went anywhere near the bodies"
Keeping my eyes down at the ground, counting each of my steps, I was confused as to why they'd be another set of bodies. What would be the purpose of putting copies of them, at their encampment, every time one of our teams step through? One set would be enough for us to think they were dead, if they'd got Sam and Daniel's scars right and there wasn't some weird funny named thing, in all of their blood, we would of believe it. But now they've contradicted themselves, which is stupider than me to do.
Sidestepping passed a tree root, sticking out of the ground; something caught my attention, shining in the underbrush near the tree. Breaking away from them to investigate, I crouched down in front of the brush, hiding whatever was reflecting the narrow sunlight, coming in through the leafs above. Carefully sweeping the grass aside, a twig snapped somewhere behind me, the grunting of the men and the winding sounds of the F.R.E.D stopped.
"What is it, sir?" Greatrix said, kneeling down beside me.
Pinching the corner of the rectangle photo, I shuddered ran down my spine, watching the same photo that was in my wallet, come out from the tentacles of the grass. Cleaning the dirt off the photo, I fell back onto my butt, stroking a finger over her face in the photo. I hadn't wanted my photo taken at the time, hiding out in the garden with Linole, while everyone else inside ate the birthday cake, celebrating my birthday with me. They'd all come outside, Daniel's camera flashing at anyone and everyone while Teal'c walked round, with the video camera, someone had given him for Christmas.
Linole and Sam had chased me round the garden, not watching where I was going, I ran straight into the garage wall, head butting my head against the bricked wall. Helping me sit up, nursing my head and laughing at me, Daniel had taken the opportunity to take the first picture of me that day. The only picture of me from that day, happily sat on the grass, Linole hanging round my neck with Sam knelt behind me, stroking my hair back over my head. We'd been so happy that day, teasing me about my age, calling me an old timer.
"Sir, are you okay?" Greatrix said, unclipping my backpack from my back, handing it over to one of his men.
Ripping my cap off my head, I roughened up my hair, quickly jumping to my feet, my gun swinging uncontrollably in front of me. "I'm fine. What you all standing around for? Move it, come on we haven't got all day" I said, tugging my hat back on, storming passed all of them in the direction we'd been heading in. "We've got people out here to find"
**************************************************************
Stood on top of the hill, looking over the meadow that the camps were situated in, down below in the meadow, I could see SG-4 and SG-6 do a sweep of the meadow, searching for anything that would lead to the whereabouts of SG-1. Even from where I stood, I could smell the gruesome smell of the burning bodies, distinguishing the fake bodies to ashes. My team and I were going to search down, a well-travelled road but something didn't fit right. The drag marks in the mud, disappeared into the long grass, lining either side of the path. The grass looked like it'd been flattened, venturing off into nowhere, except to a vast space of more flattened grass. Jones had found Daniel's glasses, smashed and bend, poking out from the grass in the clearing. I hadn't found anymore of Sam's belongings, just the ones in her tent.
They're not here. They're long gone from here. Someone dropped off the copies, thinking it would deter us from finding them. They really didn't account for me, or that the Tauri would be intelligent enough to see through their deception. Though they would've fell for it, if I hadn't had noticed that scar I'd be making preparations for her funeral, and working out a way to explain to Linole, her mother was dead. I couldn't do that, be able to tell a child, a lie to explain her mother's death. I wouldn't even know where to begin. 'Hey Linole. Ya mom's dead and is never coming back. Want some blue berry pancakes for breakfast again?' I don't think so. I love her too much to do that to her.
The sun was setting down in the distance, a thing I'd love to do but can't, lie down somewhere and get a bit of shut eye. When I get back and Sam's there with me then I'll rest, but there is no way I'm going to sleeping anytime soon. I can't sleep anyway if she's not there, or I don't know she's near. At least they'll be loads of coffee, in the cupboard, when she comes home, won't have to buy any of that till the next big shopping spree.
Twisting my cap round my head, I handed the binoculars over to Jones, clasping a finger down on my radio. "Greatrix, come in please"
"Greatrix here, sir. Did you find anything?"
"That's an affirmative." I said, carefully making my way down the hill, using Hurley, in front of me, to keep my balance. "There was some evidence of a cargo ship, and Jones found Daniel's glasses. I think they've been moved to another planet"
"Okay, sir. Shall we pack up SG-1's camp, sir?" Greatrix said, spiking a moment of anger in me, at his question.
Halting up Jones and Hoskins behind me, I stood there frozen, my finger ready to press the button, staring off down at the figures, searching the grass below. Pack up their camp; destroy the only thing that said they'd been here, wiping all trace of them from this planet. Is that what he was asking? Do any of these people know what I'm going through? I've had a day and half to get my head round this, leave all my emotional baggage at home and do a job I haven't wanted to do, in a long, long time. I guess this is why they don't allow, superior officers to have relationships, with subordinates.
Pulling at my earlobe, I pressed the button in on my radio. "You carry on searching the meadow, they may have been able to leave us, a message or something. We'll pack SG-1's camp up. Give your search another hour, and then we'll hit the hay for the night. Send one of your men, to report to Hammond. Tell him, we'll do one more sweep in the morning and then come back, and wait for word from Jacob"
"Yes, sir. I'll send one of my men now" Greatrix said, my radio pounded against my chest heavily. "Sir, I'd just like to say how sorry we all are. We know what SG-1 mean to you, sir. Greatrix, over and out"
Covering my eyes up with my sunglasses, his sentimental words cut deep into my barrier, holding back the emotional baggage; I'd supposedly left behind in the gate room. Distantly I saw one of Greatrix men, break away from their line up, jogging in the direction of the gate. I see now that I'm really out of practise, my feelings never used to get in the way, of me conducting others, and myself on a very potential, life-risking missions. Even if Sam was in trouble or didn't like one of my orders, my feelings were buried deep down, smothered into distant cries of pain.
But in those days, we hadn't let our feelings out, hadn't declared our love to each other, high in the ecstasy we were causing to other with our bodies, and we didn't have future plans together. Maybe dreamed futures, but nothing concrete. Would anyone foresee the two of us, sitting at home on a Friday night, arguing over a stupid film, while Linole secretly served herself more and more ice cream? I'd never foreseen it, I'd always thought we'd settled down together, have a kid or two of our own, that's hoping I hadn't keeled over and died while we'd been having sex.
Don't get me wrong, I think the world of Linole, sometimes I forget she's isn't even my own daughter. Sometimes though, I wish we'd a child of our own, something we can present to people and I can say, 'That's our kid. Sam and my baby. Nobody else's, hers and mine'. It's just a matter of getting the timing right, talking it through with Sam first, I wouldn't want her dropping her work, however long she wanted and hate me afterwards, because she missed out on something.
Her career's very important to her, like Linole is to her, but I think if she had the choice, she'd of waited a few more years, before considering to have a child. Linole was an accident but a very good accident, proving that good things can come from something bad. She gives Sam a reason to home every night, and do the job she does even when it's been a very bad day. Too bad no one's here for me at the moment, I'm having an outstandingly bad day.
*************************************************************
Sprawled out over my sleeping bag, the firelight flickered through the material of the tent, the rest sat round eating their suppers, gossiping like old biddies about the whole disappearance of SG-1. When they'd begun to talk about Linole, I left them to it, retreating into my tent for an uneventful night, no sleep again for me. Her backpack sat taunting me at the bottom of my tent, night threatening to steal her bag away from me as well, the doorway wafting open now and then with the passing breeze. It was eerie packing their tents away, clearing up the ashes in the campfire, none of their things were discarded, everything neatly set aside, ready for use in the morning. The safeties were all on their weapons; Teal'c staff weapon was nowhere to be found, so they must have taken it with them.
Folding my legs up, I sat up with my hair brushing against the roof of the tent, hauling her back over the small space to sit at my feet. Unclipping the clips holding the flap in place, I opened up her bag, flattening the flap against the back of her pack. Gently picking things out of it, scattering them neatly around me, I could feel my face become heavy, drooping down with my sadness. Piling her notepad and diary on top of one another, it doesn't surprised me she carries a diary, logging down things she thoughts she wants to remember for forever, so she told me one night round the fire. 'A dream come true' those were the words she'd used, when she'd been explaining to me, what it felt like to be on SG-1. My response to that was 'It's a job', catching me on the worse day to have that conversation.
Her spare clothes lay unused at the bottom of her bag, cushioning her belonging from the rough treatment; the bottom of her bag gets on the occasions. Thrown here, thrown there, never a moment where she takes her time, putting the bag down with the respect it deserves. Packing some of her things back into the bag, I slid her notebook down the back of her things, strengthening the back of her bag. Tossing her bag aside, joining my own bag at the entrance of the tent, I lay back down with her diary, opening it out onto the first page.
March 15th 2009
We'll it's been another uneventful mission; Daniel found some pottery in an abandon house, taking Conyers on a while goose chase round the village. I'm starting to think the Colonel was right; there should be a gift store by the gate, where Daniel can buy all his finds. But as long as the F.R.E.D can carry it, and I don't have to, he can spend as much time as he wants, dusting and digging his artefacts. Teal'c told me today he's never coming over again; playing with my makeup, keeping Linole entertained is starting to take its toll on Teal'c. I can understand though, I've spent more money on makeup, since Linole took a fascination in it, this year than I have in my entire life. Not that I need makeup anymore, haven't had a date in ages. Found a really interesting gizmo today, reminded me of the Colonel for some reason, always coming out of the wood work to tell me to be careful. Did he think I went out of my way, to electrocute myself or to put everyone in life jeopardising situations? Well maybe that one time, when I didn't want him to leave, stabbing a live wire with a pair of tweezers. Not one of my best moments.
Chuckling at her confession to her diary, I flicked through the pages of her diary, looking for a more recent entry. Some may see this as a breach in her privacy, but I need something of hers for my thirst, missing and worrying about her. I'll probably feel guilty later; grovel at her feet when she's back, offering a bouquet of flowers to make up for it, praying for her forgiveness. Moving the lantern nearer to the diary, towering over the cowering pages of her diary.
February 15th 2011
I'm considering, to peel, Daniel and Teal'c's smiles off with a knife, grinning like a pair of fools, thinking I should thank them for yesterday. The only man I should be thanking, should be god, for sending me a man like Jack O'Neill. He can come off as an idiot, (and sometimes he really is) and can be a real force, to be reckoned with, but he's sweet and very romantic when he wants to be. I'd never thought of him before, as being the romantic type, especially as he goes round, cursing men who try to be romantic. Driving out to a very secluded part of Colorado, (it had to be with what he had in mind), we'd had a very nice picnic, champagne and strawberries though he said he forgot the can of squirty cream. Even though it was a very predicable, the day was worth it. Spending it with him was more than I could of ask for. I'd been quite happy with our weekend together, but actually spending the day together, made it that so much special. I'm never going to look at that blanket, in the same light again, lying over the back seat of my car. Every time I see it now, I'll be grinning, knowing that we'd made love on it. I'll have to swap it with the one, in the hallway closet, can't have me distracted by it while I'm driving. Love, I don't think it even comes close to expressing, what I feel for him. It so much more than that, growing over the years we were at the SGC together, the time we were apart and now we're back together. I can't believe I lived without him. Probably why it didn't work out with Darren and me. Though it was hard for him to understand, my long hours and disappearing acts, the relationship was doomed from the start. But with Jack, I don't have to explain myself, he knows where I'm going, why I have to go and doesn't put me on the spot, when I finally get out of the mountain. Sometimes, I know he'd love to come with me, go out here and do a job he loved, but he wouldn't dare. It's come down to two possible reasons. One: He doesn't want to ruin what we've got and I'd kill him if he does. Two: He's scared of something. Those few weeks, the General gave him to reconsider his retirement; he wouldn't even step in the control room. The gate room caused him to have a panic attack, he didn't admit to it, marching off down the corridor, away from the gate. I used to think, he wasn't scared of anything, but seeing him that day, I saw for the first time the vulnerable side of him, like I saw that night at the cabin, letting his guard down for once. I guess I was wrong he is scared of something. Losing me.
Closing her diary on that sad thought, I couldn't believe she'd picked up on it, my fear of the gate and what it could do to me. I know my first few steps into the gate room, had been timid, sticking close to the wall but the thought of her, being out here a minute longer, made me push forward. Hell, she has to come back anyway; we've got to decide on what colour she wants our bedroom painted in. I'm not one for picking out colours, slap a bit of bright green paint on the walls and I'd be happy. So there's no question about it, she's coming home whether her captives like or not, because I'm not picking the colour out on my own. I know she'd kill me, if I did.
**************************************************************
Warming my hands on a hot cup of coffee, people began to crawl out of their tents, stretching and groaning themselves into the land of the living. I'd let them all off of night watch, giving them all the opportunity of full nights rest, and me the privacy I longed for all day, drowning in my thoughts. Scattering the rest of my coffee, into the grass behind the log I was sitting on, I climbed over the back of the log, picking up my vest and P90, slinging them over my shoulder. Greeting Jones and a member of SG4 with smile, or as much as one I could muster, I headed over to my tent, burrowing my cup into my back, feeding my arm through my vest after putting my P90 down.
Attaching the clips across my vest, I tugged at my t-shirts sleeves, tightening my vest till it was hard to breath, fitting me snugly. Collecting my P90 from the ground, hugging it to my chest I started off towards brook, running along the far end of the meadow. "Jones, I'm going to go for a walk around. If you need me, call me by my radio"
"Yes, sir" Jones said, watching me sauntered off out of the camp, pouring some coffee into his cup.
With my sidearm banging against the side of my leg, in time with each of my footfalls, I scanned the extent of the meadow, birds chipping up in the trees either side of me. A cloud of birds hurriedly escape out of the tree tops, squawking their way skyward, probably disturb by my approaching form. Fidgeting with the brim of my cap, my head snapped to the left, a faint noise of a twig cracking, coming from the left. Stopping on my next step in the knee high grass, I glanced over my shoulder, the camp was still waking up, men crowding round the fire, collecting their dose of coffee. Eyeing the tree line to my left, I swept round to my right, turning the full three hundred and sixty degree turn. Titling my hat back slightly, giving me a bit more ground to look over, I carried on towards the brook, carrying my gun down at my side, turning the safety off.
Nearing the brook with each step, the noise from the camp became increasingly quieter, remote laughing coming from behind me, heard as a whisper in my ear. Wiping my nose with the top of my gloved hand, I splashed into the water with my foot, the brook turned out to be a shallow river. Stumbling when the wet ground beneath me moved, I kicked at some of the water, cursing the river and myself. Booting one of the many stones under the water, I snatched my cap off my head, wiping my brow with my forearm. Putting my hat back on, I strolled out of the other side onto the shore, shaking my feet during each step, feeling the swishing of a small amount of water, which had entered over the top of my boots.
Drawing to a halt when the ghostly sound, of something so familiar to me, powered itself up, I knew I wasn't the only one, who was taking a walk in the woods today. Pretending nothing was wrong, I move off from where I stood, naturally reaching up for my radio, switching my P90 to the other hand. "Jones, come in please"
There was static for a moment, so I took the chance to have a quick glance round. "Jones here, sir"
"You remember what I was saying, back on earth in the briefing room, that thing you'd agreed to do when I told you to do it" I said, speeding up my steps when a small clearing was coming up, wanting to pass it before whoever it was, could take a pot shot at me.
"Yes, sir. Is there something wrong?" Jones asked, picking up on the weird sound in my voice.
"You could say that. Tell Greatrix to mosey on home, I'll be there as soon as I can"
Sounds of twigs snapping, and the swishing of plant life, came from either side of me, rushing to be a head of me on my chosen path. "You want us to leave you, sir? Pack up and head home?"
Diving in behind a tree for cover, I peeped round the edge of it, seeing some rustling of some plants ahead, I switch my gun back to the other hand, rolling my eyes at Jones. "Do I have to spell it out for you? Just do what I've asked"
Turning the knob on my radio, the radio clicked when it turned off, the silence of the forest swarming over me, silencing me from making any movements. Crouching down behind the tree trunk, I spied out of into the path, jumping back when someone moved, cracking another twig. Looking out on the other side, I could plainly see the shiny metal, chinking with the small movements the Jaffa made. Cocking my gun it startled the Jaffa I was watching, alerting him to my position.
Not wasting anymore time, I opened fire on him, quickly scrambling over to his position, keeping my finger down on the trigger till I was sure he was dead. Over the top of my head, swooped blasts from a staff weapon, hitting trees close by, burning into bark and severing branches from the trunk. Ducking in behind where I killed the other Jaffa, the symbol on his head was meaningless to me, never seeing this kind of marking before on a Jaffa. Forgetting the Jaffa for the moment, I checked the mag in my P90, moaning to myself while I threw it aside, reloading it with a mag from my pocket.
Biting my lip I leaned out from behind the tree, cocking and aiming my weapon across to the other tree, clocking it to be the pinpoint where the other Jaffa, had taken up position. Lining up the sight of my gun with my eye, everything stopped when I heard and felt, the staff weapon charge next to my ear, electricity crackling in my ear. Lowering my weapon slightly, daring to slowly look over my shoulder, I gulped when I came face to face with it, following the stick up to the Jaffa, still alluding me as who he worshipped.
The Jaffa started convulsing with the zac charge, forcing him down onto his knees and to drop the staff weapon. Watching with puzzlement, the Jaffa slipped into unconsciousness, green clothed men appearing from nowhere. Hurley and Hoskins helped me to my feet, cleaning off the dirt I collected from crawling over the ground. Greatrix disarmed his zac, fastening it back into its holster, ordering his men to tie and carry the Jaffa back to camp.
Switching the safety back on, on my P90, I looked round at the faces as I said. "I thought I told you to go through the gate?"
"I don't know about you sir, but your transmission was a little fussy. Jones couldn't understand it, so I decided we'd come look for you, and I'm glad we did or we'd be less one fine Colonel" Greatrix said, grinning from ear to ear, patting Jones on the shoulder when he appeared from behind the tree.
Shoving the P90 into Hoskins arms, I grabbed two hands full of Greatrix's jacket, yanking him towards me. "When I give an order, I expect you to follow it. Not put the lives of men in danger." I said shaking him with each word. "But… thanks"
Shrugging his shoulders at me, I let go of him, tailing after the others, carrying the huge Jaffa through the river. Drained with growing tiredness, I took my cap off, stuffing it into one of my pockets, running my fingers through my hair. Trailing a hand down my face, I rubbed over the grown stubble, unwilling to spare a moment to shave it off. Stretching my back with my hands on my lower back, I stumbled down into the river, saved by someone grabbing hold of my vest from behind.
"Sir, are you okay?" Hurley asked, helping me to establish my balance again.
Swishing my legs through the water, held up by Hurley's strong hands, clinging to the sides of my vest. "I'm fine. No need to…"
The last thing I remember was it getting severely wet, falling down with exhaustion into the river, hands grabbing at anything that was attached to me, trying to call me out of sleep. It couldn't be stopped, two days and a bit of no sleep and worrying about her, had its way with me, subduing me to sleep. Someone hauled me up and across their shoulders, carrying me in a fireman's carry back to camp and then onto the gate.
**************************************************************
Coming round from my sleep, my senses slowly came back to me, the first being smell, telling me I was in the infirmary. Rolling onto my back, chapping my dry lips together, I crack opened an eye, blinded by the light above me. Rubbing at my eye I tried again, waiting to get used to the light before I looked round. Something clanked against the railing of the bed, looking down the bed, Janet stood near my feet, her arms folded onto the railing. Rolling the blanket down, I brought my arm out from underneath it, adjusting the pillow behind my head.
The rail rattled when she leaned off it, wheeling the table from the bed next to mine, positioning it over my lap. "You gave them all a scare, you know? Falling asleep like that on them"
Sitting up to the table, she raised the head of the bed up for me, wedging the pillow length ways behind my back. "Sorry, couldn't be helped. My body had other ideas on how I was going to get back to the gate"
"You've got a visitor as well, two actually." Janet said, putting the railing down on the right side of the bed. "They're waiting outside in the corridor, you dig into that dinner I snuck out of commissary and I'll go get them"
Selecting a fork off the tray, I stabbed at some of the fries, greedily biting off the ends of them, reaching for the glass of what I presumed was coke. A small figure gusted passed Janet, her lab coat wafting out of the way as she ran into the infirmary, throwing herself up onto the bed and her arms round my neck. The fork clinked onto the plate, wrapping my arms round Linole, I hauled her up into my lap, squeezing her in a clamp like hug, kissing her hard on the cheek. She clung to my neck, her head resting against the side of mine, closing my eyes I cherished the moment, gently swaying her side to side.
Opening my eyes again I caught Jacob in the act, stealing a French fry from my plate, innocently popping it into his mouth, his hands excavating into his pockets. "Nice to see you're awake. Major Greatrix said you'd collapsed on the way back to camp"
"Yeah" I said shifting Linole to sit between my legs, offering my plate to her as I retook my fork. "Ran into some Jaffa as well. You seen the one they brought back?"
"I was in the gate room when they brought you back. He's one of Jaffa loyal to this upcoming system lord, Relar. He's been victorious, in most of his campaigns against the other system lords. Beaten Ba'al a few times and some of the other system lords. Actually that's who I suspect, who's got SG-1" Jacob said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, helping himself to my fries like Linole.
Saving the Hamburger before they had that away, I said. "We know where this, Relay guy is?"
Drinking some of my coke, he wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, saying. "Relar, and yes we know where he is. Just waiting for you now"
Dumping the burger back on the plate, I helped Linole off the bed while Jacob moved the table back to the other bed, letting me get out of bed. Stood bare footed in only my boxers and t-shirt. Frowning down at my attire, I said looking round for my clothes. "I don't care what his name is, all I care about, is his location and killing the bastard"
"What's a basester?" Linole asked, sitting in one of the plastic chairs.
Janet came in with my clothes in her arms, while I spoke to Linole, thinking how cute it was she couldn't really pronounced it right, but it sounded good enough to understand what she was saying. "A bastard is a kid without a dad. But you shouldn't use that word, it's a bad word"
Her tiny face scrunched up, falling into a moment of thought, crossing her arms over her chest, her legs swinging back and forth. Taking my pants off the pile, I shook them out, delving my leg into them before putting my other leg in, pulling them up to fasten them. Plucking my shirt out of Janet's arms, she disappeared off into her office as I put my arm into the sleeve.
"You sure you don't want to sleep a little longer, you have been up for nearly three days straight?" Jacob asked, sitting down onto the bed behind him, fingering the food left on my plate.
Fastening the buttons on my shirt, Janet returned with my boots and a pair of socks. "You should really sleep for bit longer, Jack. You'll only become exhausted again, and collapsed on everyone"
"Look, until their back here on earth. The only rest I'm going to have, is when my body gives out on me" I said snatching my boots and socks from Janet, bouncing down onto the bed behind me. "Besides, now we know where they are, they'll be home by tonight"
Unrolling my socks, I perched my foot on the edge of the bed, pulling on my sock while Linole interrupted our conversation. "If a basester, doesn't have a daddy. Then I must be one"
Biting my tongue I hurried to pull my sock on the rest of the way, shooting across to kneel in front of her, holding her delicate hands. "Linole, you are not one of them." I said stroking some of her hair behind her ear. "You've got a daddy, he's just… not here right now. But you are not a bastard, and I don't want to hear you, ever say that word again either. It's a naughty word"
"Jack, where's my daddy?" Linole asked, a small tear balancing on the edge, threatening to fall down her soft cheeks.
Sighing to myself in frustration, I shifted my legs till they didn't object, opening my mouth to say something but jumped to the gun by Jacob. "Linole, you've got a daddy right here" His hand rested onto my shoulder as he said it. "Jack's all the daddy you'll ever need"
Turning to argue the point with him, I said. "Jacob, I don't know if Sam wants her…"
Knock backwards onto my backside, Linole hugged me for dear life, kneeling in between my legs; my arms had no choice but to hold her. This was not how I wanted this to be, well I do but I'd rather have Sam's approval first before Linole runs round, calling me 'daddy'. She chants it in a whisper into my ear; relaxing me each time she said it, already used to thinking as myself as her dad. Giving in to her quest, I shushed her taking her legs out from underneath her, sitting her down into my lap. We've certainly got something to talk about, when she gets back.
**************************************************************
Fastening the clips for my vest across my chest, I checked down the list in my head, things I needed and wanted to take with me, extra ammo for those tricky situations I'm well known for getting myself into. Tightening the straps for my sidearm round my thigh, the door creaked open, Jacob's bodiless head appearing round the corner. Giving him the thumbs up, I picked up my knife off the bench, clipping it into its place on my utility belt, stepping over the bench to the door. Catching the door when Jacob pushed it open, he handed me my cap, playing with his own hat, for once wearing the home teams uniform. I've never liked his Tok'ra uniform it didn't look comfortable. I had better correct that, what Anise wears doesn't look comfortable.
Smoothing my cap backwards onto my head, missing one of the scientists, hurrying down the corridor with a pile of files, hiding his face from sight. Feeding the latch for my P90 out from under my vest, I followed Jacob into the awaiting elevator, squeezing in with the personnel in there. Shrugging my shoulders, pulling and twisting my vest till it was comfortable, the elevator doors closed, the elevator beginning to slowly plummet down to the gate room level.
"Do you have the plans for where they're being held?" I asked Jacob, reaching underneath my vest to scratch my chest through my t-shirt, the only info given to me was the planet could get very hot. (You've just got to love Tok'ra sources, great for finding vacation spots if you ever wanted one).
I visibly watched him swallow, his hands clasping in front of him, playing with his wedding band, honourably kept on his finger. "Err… sort of, we've just got to find an entrance. But I'm sure, you'll be able to make us one"
Messing with the edge of my cap, I watched his distant face, stay in what could be described as a good nature smile. "Are you trying to tell me, in the most subtlest way possible that we don't have any intelligence for inside this fortress thing, and I've got to waste good explosives on creating one?"
"Sounds about right. I didn't want to ruin your fun, by informing you where the entrance is. We've got to have some surprises along the way, Jack" Jacob said restlessly moving to his right, his shoulder touching the metal wall of the elevator. "Anyway, you can go all psycho on them like you did on Mark. I'll just call Sam a few names, then you can go all Rambo on them and we'll be home in time for Oprah"
Some of the technicians behind us, laughed and giggled quietly to themselves, concealing their amusement behind files and other people's shoulders, when I turned round to glare at them. Rolling my eyes at them and at Jacob, I checked my hat was on securely, flattening it against my head while the doors opened in front of me. Vacating the elevator with Jacob in tow, swerving out of the way of busy people, hooking my thumbs into the belt loops of my pants. The door to the gate room opened automatically, after an airman swiped his card in the reader, foreseeing our arrival from down the corridor.
My team stood at the base of the ramp, chatting to one another as the gate spun round, the grinding of the inner ring, running on the inside the outer ring, rung through the room with the hissing of the stream, from the conductors. Obtaining my weapons from one of the technicians, taking shorted steps till I was sure the P90 was locked into the clip, swinging with a mind of its own I holstered the 9mm, grumbling to myself at not getting a Zac. With good timing, the gate opened out into the room, my fear becoming easier with every encounter with this metal ring, bearing up with the phobia nurtured from one incident.
Rocking my head side to side, the unpleasant sound of neck cracking, caused Jacob to hiss as he attached his P90 to his chest, it had to be the first time I saw this man, with an earth-originated weapon. Smirking at him and his response, I turned to look at the General above, with cocky salute to him I set off up the ramp. The clanking of feet behind me was all I could hear as I stepped through to the other side, quickly ducking in behind the DHD, signalling to each of them, where I wanted them, to take position. Jacob dropped in next to me, sparing a moment to put his hat on, retaking his weapon to scan up ahead like everyone.
"So, Jake. What intelligence do we have?" I asked, pointing to Jones to scout ahead of us, plugging my earpiece into my ear.
"It should be a walk in the park, he's off somewhere trying to conquer another system lord, so there shouldn't be many Jaffa around. His stronghold has seven levels above ground and two underneath, but that's it I'm afraid. We haven't had chance to put one of our operatives inside yet" Jacob said, fiddling with his earpiece, tucking the wire in behind his ear.
Clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I tapped Jacob on the shoulder to follow me, creeping briskly into cover of the grass, trailing up behind Jones's position. Coming to a stop on Jones's position at the peak of the hill, Hurley and Hoskins flanking us on the other of the track, sheltering behind a fallen tree. Laying down into the grass, unfastening the zip on one of my pockets on my vest, I took my tiny telescope out, focusing in on where five Jaffa were standing guard, in front of the main gates to the stronghold. Thinking about it for a minute, I studied along the stonewall, nearly missing the Jaffa stood in the shadows of the trees.
Checking the other side, a mirror image of the other end of the wall, reflected back at me. "There's a Jaffa hidden either side"
Handing the scope over to Jacob, he checked it out for himself before handing it back to me, Jones looked through the scope on his weapon. Stuffing the scope back into its pocket, I zipped it back up into its pocket, flicking the safety off my gun and powered up the laser sight. Resting the P90 down onto my forearm, I cocked it looking across at Hurley and Hoskins, running the tip of my tongue across my top lip.
"Jacob, creep down round behind that Jaffa" I said pointing to one on our side of the wall. "While you're taking him out, Hoskins will take the other one out and then we'll pick the five off together"
Nodding his head, Jacob crawled off into the tree line, clasping a finger down on my radio. "Hoskins, creep down to the Jaffa on your side, he's on the outskirts of the brushes. Take him out and then pick off which ever of the five our still standing. Hurley, shoot the Jaffa on your side of the gate. Understood?"
The radio crackled for a while. "Yes sir" Hoskins said, slithering into the camouflage of the forest vegetation.
Hurley gave me the thumbs up, selecting his Jaffa from the selection, Jones lined up his own shot at the same time. Watching through the scope on my weapon, Hoskins Jaffa disappeared first, dragged back into the cloak of the greenery. Patiently I waited for Jacob to take his Jaffa, cursing him the Jaffa vanished from sight; his staff weapon balanced for a slow moment then fell down onto the ground. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shook my head resting my eye against my sight, my red dot sat on one of the Jaffa's head.
Squeezing the trigger the Jaffa fell down to his knees, knocking into the one in front of him. Another Jaffa fell down, grabbing onto one of the others, both falling down dead together. Spraying another one in bullets, sparks coming off his chest plate, Jacob sprinted after the Jaffa who was trying to sound the alarm. Gunning him down, Jacob stood amongst the bodies, his gun clearing each of them while everyone ran down to join him. Reloading my P90 I jogged over to him, hopping over and between the bodies, cocking my weapon at the same time.
"Nice work everyone" I said, edging the gate door open slightly, poking my head and gun round, finding no one on the other side. Shutting the gate again, I approached Hurley and Jones. "You two go secure the gate. Keep as hidden as possible, please. I don't need to come back here, fighting my way through the gate. A nice calm end to a mission for once, please"
Chuckling the two jogged easily back up the hill, fading over the top of the hill to the gate. Gazing down at the Jaffa's bodies, I knelt down picking up one of the Jaffa's arms, casting my gaze over the other four bodies. Hoskins peeked round the gate, checking our position was still secure and we didn't have any company. Looking up to Jacob, he stood with his hands on his hips, a knowing glint in his eye.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jacob asked me, stooping down to my height, his P90 hanging between his legs.
"Are you thinking we could dress up like these guys?" I said, answering his question with a question.
Smiling at me he unclipped his weapon, setting it down on the ground, sitting back on to his behind, untying his boots. Copying him, I stood up unbuckling my vest, catching Hoskins sceptic look at me. Returning his look with a stern commanding look, I gestured for him to do the same, hearing him moaning under his breath. Slinging my vest down onto the ground, falling on top of my weapon, Jacob pulled the boots off one of the Jaffa, setting them next to my gun and vest.
**************************************************************
Marching in formation with Jacob and Hoskins, the armour clinked and wore me down, the heavy metal vastly on the side of gravity. Pushing the folded vest and sidearm around behind the chest plate, my sidearm sticking into my stomach was making things uncomfortable, we approached the fortress, gun turrets were pointed down at us from either tower. Jiggling the plate around, the front door opened, seven or nine Jaffa ran out, forming a barricade in front of the entrance. (The entrance that was about two storey's big, the Tok'ra didn't know where it was). My back ached with the weight of the helmet, pressing down on my neck and shoulders, by the end of this I'm certainly going to be a couple of inches shorter.
Jacob came to sudden halt, with the bad vision through the helmet, I bumped into his back, sending me falling backwards. Hoskins helped me up to my feet, staggering round slightly, Jacob and Hoskins held me, the three of us moving in time with the swing of the pendulum, tipping over with the weight of the helmet. The icy sound of Jaffa armour chinking came up behind us, falling backwards when unknown hands grabbed hold of me, Jacob and one of the Jaffa started talking while they took me and Hoskins inside. Clinging to whoever they were, Jacob's voice spoke out in the harsh tone of Goa'uld, having some sort of chinwag with the Jaffa outside, all of them laughing loudly. Jack O'Neill the joke of the universe.
A door swished opened in front of me, they led me inside, helping me to sit down on something. One of them took my helmet off for me, blinking the brightness away, they both looked puzzled for a moment, stepping back away from me. Jacob and Hoskins were stood behind them; the blue electrical charge tickled the two Jaffa, convulsing their way down onto the floor. Hopping off the table I yanked off the chest plate, casting it off to the side, unfolding my vest. Draping it over the table, Jacob unbuckled the chain jacket, freeing up some more movement in my arms.
"If you two go wander round like Jaffa, take the levels going up, I'll go search below for them" I said putting my vest on, the two of them painting Relar's mark, on each other's foreheads with some make up, Jacob had said wasn't his. "We'll keep radio silence, but if you find them before I do, then just… break it I guess"
Buckling the last clip together, I crossed over to the open door, unholstering the Zac I'd shoved in the back of my pants, back at the where the seven bodies lie. Peering out into the corridor, the coast was clear for my infiltration into the corridor. "Jack" Jacob said, his hand touching my back. "Be careful, I don't wanna lose you too"
"Awe, Jacob. I'm touch honestly." I said jokily to him, understanding him on so many levels.
"I just don't want Sam beating me up, if you don't make it back" Jacob said, passing me into the corridor, walking with ease in this environment, chuckling to Hoskins beside him.
Mouthing under my breath at him, I shut the door and shot the door mechanised with my Zac, locking the Jaffa inside and Jaffa out. Walking cautiously down the corridor, my back sliding against the smooth surface of the walls, keeping a watch on my six and ahead of me. Looping my ear piece round my ear, I inspected down the next corridor, seeing it was all clear I tiptoed across the corridor, carrying down the one I was already in. Jogging down the corridor, I skidded to a halt when I nearly passed some stairs, checking either end of the corridor, I started down the stairs looking over the side of the wall, to the stair well below.
Dashing down the stairs, I crouched down beside the first doorway I came to, surveying inside the room a Jaffa sleeping with his feet on a table, a mug held in his hand on the table. So we've got a drunk Jaffa guarding a room, defiantly a resourceful man this Relar, must be a very influencing leader if his Jaffa are incapable of anything. Shooting the comatose Jaffa a few times with the Zac, I didn't need him popping up later, giving me even more grief while I'm trying to break the out. Slipping passed the doorway; I looked inside the next room to find it was empty; food lay displayed on the table. Something was thudding in the distance, choosing to investigate it, a cry came from somewhere below me, most of it absorbed into the floor below me.
Drawing nearer to the door at the end of the corridor, the thudding was even louder, twisting the door mechanised the door swung up into the wall. Alarmed by the Jaffa standing at the end of the row of cells, I leaped into the nearest cell, flattening my back against the wall, seeking a look round the corner of the wall. The Jaffa was still stood in front of the cell, the thudding echoing from the cell he was stood in front.
"Let me out of here!" Daniel cried at the man, kicking against the bottom of the solid door, hanging onto the bars in the small window.
The Jaffa laughed at him, throwing something through the bars at him, making Daniel flinch away from the door, protecting his face from whatever it was. Stepping out into the corridor, I whistled to the Jaffa like he was a dog, shooting him as soon as he looked at me. Jogging over to his slumped body, I shot it those two extra times, examining the lock on the door. Daniel clutched at the bars, gasping when he recognised me.
"Jack! What are you doing here?" He asked me as I was stepping away from the door, aiming at the lock with the Zac.
"Oh you know, fancy going for a walk, happen to walk through the gate and ended up here. What ya think I'm doing here?" I said before shooting the door, it swung free from the doorway, a puff of smoke and a few sparks came from the lock.
Coming out from his cell, I handed him my sidearm, making him chase me down the corridor for it. Bracing myself up the doorway with my shoulder, I peered out into the corridor, hearing Daniel click the safety off and cock his newfound weapon. Crushing the button of my radio in, I crept along the corridor with Daniel following behind me.
"Jacob. Hoskins. Come in please" I said into it, signalling for Daniel to run across into the room adjacent to the corridor.
In a hushed whisper, Jacob answered me. "Jacob here Jack"
Ducking into the room after Daniel, I paced up and down the room. "Yeah, I've found Daniel"
"Good, we're about to break Teal'c out. They've beaten him badly, Jack. He really needs his Tretonorm" Jacob said becoming worried.
"As soon as you've got him, rushed him back to the gate. Me and Daniel will search for Sam and Captain Stewart"
"Okay. Jacob over and out"
Rubbing the back of my neck, Daniel blocked my path to the door, looking younger without his glasses. "We don't have to look for Stewart, he's dead. He broke out his cell the other night, while he was trying to precise my door open, they came in and shot him. They left him to lie there on the floor all night, his face burned away from the blast. I couldn't do anything Jack, I was helpless to help him"
Patting Daniel on the shoulder, there wasn't much for me to say, he's heard all my bullshit stories and usual crap of 'it wasn't your fault'. I know how he felt, guilt ridden with so many deaths over my head, blocking them away with other things. The nice memories and thoughts, I had swimming round in my head, out weighed the bad ones. Guiding him to the door I checked out into the corridor, clear of snake-in-the-gut foot soldiers.
"Daniel, do you know where they took Sam?" I asked, pulling him with me into the corridor, roughly dragging him down the corridor, to the next flight of stairs, compelling him to get himself together.
"They split us up when they took Stewart, me and Teal'c to our cells. I think they took her down the stairs, Jack. Some nights I heard her screaming through the floor" Daniel said, tactfully coming down the stairs behind me, his hand on my shoulder while he watched our sixes.
Grinding my teeth together, I carelessly stepped down one of the steps, down onto the next flight, barely missing the blast coming towards me. Daniel pulled me back out of the way; his arms tightly holding me round my stomach, screaming my name out and down my ear. Bating him away with my arm, I glanced over the banister, falling backwards when another blast came at me. Were they getting better at aiming, or was my head that big a target?
Grabbing hold of Daniel's shredded t-shirt, I hauled him against the wall dividing the stairs, clutching his hands round the 9mm. "Keep them distracted!"
Running up the stairs away from Daniel, I unzipped a pocket on my vest, guessing where the Jaffa, were stood beneath the floor. Slamming a block of C4 onto the floor, pushing the detonator into the pliable explosive, I unfastened another pocket getting to my feet. Strolling purposely into a room I took the remote out of my vest. Tightening my grip on the Zac, I activated the remote standing boldly, in the middle of the room. A split second and then the C4 went off, blowing a nice hole into the floor, lobbing the remote over my shoulder I jogged over to the hole.
There was yelling below in the dusty corridor, I dropped down through the hole, firing blindly around me hearing two cries of pain. Falling onto the floor off the pile of rumble, I groaned into my arm, losing the zac in the fall and lost any hope of defending myself. Slowly getting to my feet, someone lifted me up by the handle on my back, ramming me face first into the closest wall, my feet dangling beneath me. Daniel shouted my name when I was thrown into another wall, shooting at whoever else was in the rumbled corridor; I slumped against the bottom of the wall. The chink of armour came over to me, picking me up from the floor, handling me like a rag doll.
Punching the face that came to be in mine, the Jaffa released me, clutching his hands round his nose. Unclipping my knife, I kept a keen eye on the Jaffa, shaking his head angrily at me. "Daniel, go find Sam"
"But…" Daniel said, pointing in all directions with the barrel of his gun.
"Daniel, this is not the time to be questioning me" I said, evading the bear hugging arms of the Jaffa, ducking under his arm to swipe the knife along his side, digging it in where Teal'c had showed me.
Rumble shifted behind me, Daniel ran off down one of the corridors, calling out to Sam while I watched the Jaffa in front of me, stick his finger in the cut, wincing loudly at the pain. Shifting my weight between my feet, I moved quickly to counter him but not quick enough, he grabbed me by my wrist, flipping me over onto my back, breaking my grip on the knife. Scrambling up to my feet, when he took the opportunity to pick the knife up, slashing it through the air at me, egging me to come at him. Rubbing my right wrist, I jabbed it through the air, my shoulder giving me a bit of trouble.
Getting fed up of me standing there, the Jaffa ran at me catching me off guard, lifting me up off my feet, plunging the knife through the back of my vest, encouraging a cry of pain from me, sagging over his shoulder. Withdrawing the knife from my back, he let go of me; I fell onto some of the rubble, biting into my hand to tolerate the pain, created from hitting the floor. The Jaffa laughed at me, wiping the blade of my knife on his leg, his left hand covered in my blood. Sluggishly climbing to my feet, undoing the clips on my vest and the ones holding my sidearm holster in placed; I shrugged it off, slinging at him when he looked up at me. Running up to him while he pulled the vest off his head, I reached out to his throat, stepping up on his knee, swinging round onto his back on the hand, holding onto his throat.
Crying silently at my own pain, my arms circled round his throat, snapping it while he slashed at my arm, his knees gave way, dropping us both onto the floor. Untangling my arms from his throat, kicking him away with my feet, I rolled onto my side, feeling a warm trickled go down my back, soaking into my t-shirt. Applying pressured to the wound awkwardly, feet stumbled into the room, calling out my name, her voice sounding so frighten.
"JACK!" She screamed, slipping and sliding over the rumbled floor, cursing god under her breath.
My eyes were close, I didn't even realised they had, her warm hands touched mine, pulling it away from the wound, my arm fell limp over my body. Tiredness and the overwhelming pain, in my back and arms, were having their toll on me. Something weighed down onto my back, preventing my hot red blood from seeping away, but it wasn't stopping me.
"Jacob, we need some help here! Jack's been stabbed from the looks of it" Daniel said, probably retrieving my radio from my vest. "If you have someone meet us half way, me and Sam will get him out of here!"
Together they hauled me up to my feet, my bloody arms draped over their shoulders, a hand keeping the pressure on my wound, she tried to call me back to them. The radio crackled with Jacob's voice. "Hoskins will meet you at the entrance. Hurry up" Hurrying wouldn't help; I'd slipped out of consciousness by the time they reached the stairs, becoming an even deader weight to them.
**************************************************************
Bleeping was all I could hear, coming from all sides of me, the pain in my back brought me out of my sleep, the warm hand holding and stroking my hand. Deeply breathing in the toxic air of the infirmary, I would've easily welcomed some more sleep, but the warmth of the hand allured me. Peering out from under hooded eyes, she sat there at my bedside, the sun shining through the window beside her, her heavenly appearance made me smiled. She hadn't noticed I was awake, talking sweet nothings to Linole, napping against her shoulder, rocking the sleeping child. Her cheek was scratched slightly, small purple bruises in the shape of fingers, decorated her throat.
Squeezing her fingers gently, her head whipped from Linole to me, I smiled groggily at her as she shook Linole awake, sliding her off her knee as she stood up. Linole fell onto the floor while Sam sat on the edge of the bed, forgetting the eight year old flopped out over the floor, her hands cupping my face. Her eyes darted side to side, stroking my unshaven face, a rugged beard grown over the time she was missing and over however long, I'd been lying in this hospital.
"I thought I lost you" She said, pressing her forehead against mine, caressing down the side of my neck, threading her fingers through my hair she could reach.
"That makes two of us." I croaked at her, finding it difficult to wrapped my left arm round her, restrained slightly by something in my hand, not really feeling my arms were around her, cushioned by whatever was wrapped round my arms.
Pulling her further up the bed, crushing her into my chest, snuggling into the crook of her neck, breathing in a smell I could only describe as her. Sitting up from the pillow, her arms slid easily over my back, warm hands grazing over my back, I held back the hiss it cause, I didn't want her pulling away so soon. Rubbing a hand over her back, fondling with her hair, I just couldn't stop touching her. Kissing her neck, working my way along her jaw line, bringing my hands to the front to cup her face, tempting her with a whispered kiss. Locking our lips together, dipping her slightly more in my favour, my hand travelled down her back, groping the back of her leg.
"Daddy!" Linole said, clambering up onto the bed, destroying our reunited moment with two things, getting up onto the bed and calling me 'Daddy'.
Sam looked at me like a deer caught in headlamps, sitting her up she pointed at me and then at Linole, a small smile formed on her lips, causing me to become slightly confused. Supporting the bouncing eight year old, hanging onto the back of her legs, her babbling meaning nothing to me. Motioning to Linole with eyes, she stroked her hand down the side of my hairy face, nodding her head with approval. Pressing a kiss into the palm of her hand, she joined hands with me; with the arm I had round the back of Linole, creating a strong unity between the three of us.
Resting back against the pillow behind me, Sam whispered something into Linole's ear, depositing a handful of change into her little hands. Waiting for Linole to leave the room and the door to shut behind her, excited yells and screams came from outside, alerting me to the rest of the gang. Sam shuffled up the edge of the bed to me, saving me the pain of sitting up to her, tucking the blanket round me, avoiding my loving eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked her, lifting her head up with a finger under her chin.
She carried on avoiding my gaze, passing me a glass of water from the side table, sipping at the fresh water; I contemplated her for a moment, never seeing her like this before. Her hand rested down over my heart, putting the plastic glass back on the side table, looking me dead in the eye.
"We need to talk about the house." She said, preparing myself for the worse, the time apart probably giving her time to rethink her decision, the bleeping machines quicken their beats. "I've decided we're going to have to move, your little entertainment room somewhere else, maybe into the basement. Or I'll just have to put up with you playing, on your playstation in bed. Though by now I think I should be used to hearing Lara Croft, scream her way to her death, while I'm sleeping and you're supposed to be sleeping. I caught Linole the other night, staying up into the wee hours of the morning, playing that Barbie game. It was the weekend so I let her get away with it, but you…"
"Sam" I said, shaking her by her shoulders. "You're babbling on about nothing. Why's my toy room gotta be moved?"
Clasping her fingers round my bandage wrist, she placed my hand flat against her stomach. "Because we need the room for the little one"
Lost in the colour of her eyes, my confusion over took my thought, looking from my hand up to her eyes and back again. Scratching at my shoulder underneath my gown, my eyebrows fused together in my confusion, my head angling to the side. More riddle me this and riddle me that stuff. I thought the riddler was a man in the Batman series? "Eh?"
Rolling her eyes at me, she shifted further up the bed, placing both her hands on top of the mine, still hovering over the top of her stomach. "Jack, I'm pregnant"
The heart monitor, and all the other machines, went crazy, an alarm went off when I slung my arms round her, laughing nervously into her shoulder, bring her up into my lap even with the complaints from my back. She laughed into the side of my face, her arms surrounding my neck, towering above me a good inch or two. The door burst opened, people rushing inside but I kept laughing, kissing her neck and anything else, which belonged to her. She waved the concern of the people, in the doorway, away, her hand stroking my hair back over my head, sticking up at her electric touch.
A father again, I didn't know what to say to her, my lips were more engaged in kissing her neck, cheeks and her lips when I came across them. What exactly was I supposed to say? I wouldn't make the same mistake; I did with Sara, asking how it was possible. The most stupid question I asked up to date. Sara hadn't let me off asking that, bringing it up when we visited my parents and then her parents, but I received another lecture from her father, pinned a good twelve inches up the side of my truck that time. But that had been then, and this is now.
'Wishes are dreams, and dreams are wishes' so the song went I think, I certainly agree with that, my wishing and dreaming have come true. Finally we're a family (of sorts).
**************************************************************
The End
Story Notes: What Should Have Been - What Should Have Been 3
Website: http://www.geocities.com/katmellie17/index.html
Email: Katmellie@AOL.com
Website: http://www.geocities.com/katmellie17/index.html
Email: Katmellie@AOL.com
End Notes: Feedback Welcome and encourages another part in the series.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]