Sam woke with a start, she had been dreaming, but the memory of what had startled her had faded already. Lying awake in the darkness, she could hear the hum of electricity feeding her digital clock, the sort of noise that was only ever audible in the dead of night. She turned over to face the readout and saw she had only been asleep about three hours. For another hour or so, Carter tossed and turned, trying desperately to return to sleep, knowing her great need for it was probably what prevented it.
Eventually, Samantha Carter got off the bunk and pulled on some warm clothes, leaving her small quarters to satisfy a gnawing doubt. She needed to check the gateroom again, just to reassure herself that the Stargate was still there, that she was back in her own time and all was well.
Quietly padding down the corridors in her sneakers, Sam noticed a glow of light coming from one of the computers in a nearby lab, a computer screen that was normally switched off at night to conserve energy. In the shadows, Sam could just make out a figure sat before the terminal.
Entering the familiar laboratory, Carter moved silently towards the glowing monitor, only able to identify its user when she got within ten paces. It was the Colonel. Somewhat taken aback at the sight of Colonel Jack O'Neill actually using a computer, Sam spoke quietly, not wishing to disturb his work, "Colonel?"
Jack swivelled in the chair, startled from his reverie. Sam glanced at the readout on the computer screen, wondering what could have been so fascinating, that the Colonel hadn't heard her approach. "Captain. Shouldn't you be asleep?" O'Neill said in his best commanding officer tone.
"Er, I was having trouble sleeping, I thought maybe a walk would help." Sam stammered, still trying to get a look at the information on the monitor. "May I ask what you're doing down here so late yourself, sir?"
Jack was quiet for a long moment, then finally he sighed and turned towards her, "We should have warned them," he said quietly.
Sam looked at him blankly, "Warned who about what?" She asked confused by the Colonel's statement. "What are you looking at?"
Jack turned the screen towards Samantha, revealing what he had been searching for. It was a page from the government archives. A database of records for all divisions of the military. The Colonel had been searching on one name in particular, Michael, their hippie friend from 1969. There had been one record for him, a KIA report which Sam now read in despair, finally understanding the look on O'Neill's face.
"We should have told them," was all he could murmur when Carter had finished reading.
"Colonel, you know we couldn't," Sam argued feebly, knowing she had been the one to sway the Colonel's decision not to say anything about the War to the two young people who had ultimately helped them escape from the past and return home. "Who knows what the consequences might have been if we had revealed the future to them."
The Colonel was thoughtful for a long time, staring at the screen again, almost as if he was willing the data to change before his eyes to prove him wrong. Finally, he turned back to Captain Carter, who had taken up a seat on a nearby desk watching him closely. "Did you ever visit the Wall?"
"Yes, of course, sir, but not since I was in high school," Carter answered, surprised by his question.
"The first time I went was the year after its dedication," O'Neill paused still remembering that day vividly, staring into the distance as the memories returned to him. "I didn't stay long, there were too many emotional people around for my liking," he grimaced at his admission of cowardice. "I decided to go back when it was quiet, to pay my respects. I finally got there about four in the morning. It was deserted, except for this one woman standing where the panels join in the middle, staring at a name and sobbing so hard, even I felt sorry for her, me, a hardened military officer! I went to offer her a kleenex and scared the living daylights out of her, I was wearing my uniform and I think she must have thought I was a ghost or something."
Sam grinned at the picture building in her mind, but didn't say anything, instead waiting patiently for the Colonel to continue his story, wondering where it was leading.
"She talked for a long time, telling me about her fiance whose name was on the granite panel she had been standing beside. I remember the way the streetlights reflected off the polished walls, casting weird shadows across the names. She showed me the mementoes she was going to leave behind with all the thousands of other items that were being left at the Wall in those days. It was just a beaded headband and a photo stuck onto card and framed with pressed flowers. Leftovers from their flower power days, I guess." O'Neill shrugged more casually than he felt, a growing feeling of dread knotting his stomach.
"Anyway, I think she felt better for talking to someone and she'd stopped crying. She said goodbye and went back to the Wall. I stayed awhile longer and checked out a few names, then I left. I didn't think anymore of it until a couple of days later. I was waiting in the hotel lobby for a shuttle to the airport, someone had left the morning paper on the seat. As I glanced at the front page, I saw a picture of the young woman I had spoken to at the Wall, she was dead." O'Neill stared into the distance, his dark brown eyes unfocussed. "She had killed herself, the article said, 'unable to cope with her grief at the loss of her fiance. Yet another casualty of the Vietnam conflict'."
"Oh god," Carter gasped involuntarily, surprising herself at the depth of feeling for this unknown stranger, but not sure why the Colonel was telling her all this, until he spoke again.
"It never occurred to me until we were giving General Hammond the mission report earlier. I had this horrible sensation of deja vu, as if a long buried truth was coming to light." The poetry in Jack's statement surprised Samantha, she had never heard him talk that way before, but then she had never heard him talk about death before either. Suddenly, he turned to her and spoke earnestly, "Captain Carter, I NEED to know."
Sam was confused for a moment. What did the Colonel need to know? Then it slowly dawned on her, "You're afraid that this woman was the same one that we met in 1969, that this woman was Jenny?" Carter exclaimed in surprise, "God no! It couldn't possibly be, I'm sure," but even as she said it, the same awful feeling of symmetry came over her, overpowering her own normally strong rationality, forcing her to volunteer, "Look, we can find out, it just needs a bit of digging." Carter thought about it for a moment, then grabbed a pen and some paper off a nearby desk. "Okay, what I need to know is do you remember the name of the newspaper? And the date you were in Washington DC?"
"Well," the Colonel thought for a minute, "It was probably something like the Washington Post, I remember that was the biggest seller around the time. And I don't remember the exact date, but it was springtime, I remember cherry blossom on the trees around the Jefferson Memorial." Jack looked at her imploringly, "Sam, do you really think you can find out?"
"Yes," she said, more positively than she really felt, "Let me make a few calls." Carter looked at her watch, it was still the middle of the night, no matter whether you were in Mountain Standard Time or Eastern Standard Time, but she could only do her best, Sam thought, as she headed towards a bank of telephones at the far side of the room. Switching on a small desklamp, she glanced back at the Colonel, mostly hidden by the darkness, his face softly lit by the pale blue light from the glowing computer screen that he was staring at again, deep in thought.
An hour later, Sam had found an overly friendly clerk on the newsdesk of the Washington Post, who was obviously having a very quiet night and seemed only too happy to help with research for her doctorate in psychology, her thesis being about "how war impacted civilian life long after peace returned". He didn't even think to question why she was ringing in the middle of the night, college students did keep odd hours after all and she certainly couldn't reveal why she really wanted the information. And all it took was the promise of a date, IF she ever got to Washington DC!
Satisfied at a job well done, Captain Carter returned to where Colonel O'Neill was still sitting. He looked up expectantly as she approached, "Got it," she said simply. "The clerk at the Washington Post found a couple of news articles that fit the description for that period of time. He's going to email them to my home account, so we only have to wait for the mail server to forward them to my userid here at the base. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes this time of night." Carter sat down at another terminal opposite O'Neill and switched on the monitor ready to logon to her mail id.
Jack was quiet as he watched her fingers expertly working the keyboard. Finally he just said, "Thanks, Sam."
"That's okay Colonel," Carter responded lightly, not wishing to make a big thing of it, "I'm only too happy to help, if this sets your mind at rest." She paused, typing in her email password. "Here we are, its arrived already," she moved the mouse and clicked open the file, pleased at her success. But her expression changed rapidly as a photograph slowly materialised on the screen, an all too familiar face appearing before her. "Oh god, Jack!" She whispered hoarsely.
O'Neill stared at her for a moment, the surprise at her calling him by his first name still registering as he wheeled his chair across to look over her shoulder, a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. But there it was, unavoidable, a picture he remembered from years before, the headline and corresponding article attached were still familiar, only this time the photo wasn't just someone he had spoken with at the Vietnam Memorial when he was still just a Captain, this time it reflected the face of a girl he knew in her teens, a girl with a bright future ahead, her dreams still intact. The same girl who had helped them escape the past and get back to their own time, who had expected nothing but the truth in return, a truth they had been unable to provide, more fearing the risk to themselves in the present, than any risk to her own future.
Jack looked away, a lump in his throat, his fists clenched involuntarily at the frustration and blame he now felt. Carter just stared at the screen, her eyes fixed on the picture, as a single tear escaped down her cheek. At the sight of her distress, O'Neill immediately regretted involving her in his personal quest. Finally he spoke, purely to console her, not really believing the words himself. "There was nothing we could do, you said it yourself. We have no idea what the consequences would be if we had done anything to effect their decision."
Carter nodded unhappily, her scientific rationale telling her his words were correct, even though she didn't like them, "There's nothing we could have done," she murmured in agreement.
Jack squeezed her shoulder and pushed his chair away, "Come on Captain, I think its time to get some sleep," he ordered in a friendly tone, "You go on, I'll switch everything off down here," he urged gently.
The Colonel watched as she left, waiting for her to disappear down the hallway before his gaze returned to the computer screen. He stared at it for a while longer, then wiped the tiredness from his face with his hands and sighed. Reaching for the keyboard he sent the mail item to his own userid before logging off Sam's email and switching off the monitor. Then he moved to the terminal he had first been using and forwarded the KIA report also to his email address, before shutting down that workstation as well.
As the darkness descended around him, Jack O'Neill finally felt safe to say what he really thought, a most unmilitary-like statement, "I should have told them to head for Canada," he muttered gloomily to himself, heading for bed, knowing that sleep would be a long time coming and guilt always weighed heavier at night.
_______________________________________________
The End
Story Notes: Email: Elaine.Stouse@Virgin.Net
Summary: A Postscript to "1969"
Spoilers: 1969 - Season 2 (shown 27 January 1999 in UK)
Rating: G - General
Category: Drama
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Summary: A Postscript to "1969"
Spoilers: 1969 - Season 2 (shown 27 January 1999 in UK)
Rating: G - General
Category: Drama
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]