"What is the object of this... game?" Teal’c wanted to know, staring at the cardboard box with a frown.
"You have to get as much property as you can, and raise the rent, and make everyone else go broke," Jack explained, grinning as he dealt out the money.
"Rent?" Teal’c echoed, looking lost.
"Uh... yeah. When you own property, you charge people rent for landing on it. Ok, say you own Park Place, okay?"
"I do not."
"Pretend you do. Ok, you own Park Place, and here I come... I land on it. The usual rent’s... say $375. But you own it and Boardwalk-"
"I do not."
"PRETEND you do, Teal’c, okay? OK, so you own these two, so you can raise the rent, and put houses on them-"
"A house would not fit on that small space."
"No, no, there’s little houses, see? And they fit. So you can put a house on there and start charging more money. Each house you have on there means more rent."
"Then I will take all of the houses."
"No, you have to buy them."
"Then I will buy all of the houses."
"You don’t have enough money. Besides, you don’t REALLY own them, we were just pretending."
"This is a most confusing game, O’Neill."
"Tell me about it. Now, which piece do you want to be?"
"Which piece of what?"
Sam grabbed one and set it on the board, "I’m the shoe!"
Teal’c frowned even harder, "Major Carter, you are not-"
"That’s the piece I’m playing, Teal’c."
"I must choose one?"
"Yes."
Teal’c stared at the pieces for a long while, until finally General Hammond reached in and grabbed the car, "I’ll be-"
"I wish to be the automobile, General Hammond."
"Well sorry, Teal’c, but I got it first. Besides, I’m always the car."
Sam, Daniel, and Jack all nodded in agreement.
Teal’c stood, "I wish to be the automobile."
Jack stepped between them and handed the Jaffa another piece, "Here Teal’c, you can be the cannon."
"Cannon?"
"It’s a weapon. Kinda like... a big staff weapon."
Teal’c raised an eyebrow in an almost-smirk, "Very well. I will be the cannon."
They started quickly, Daniel as the dog and Jack as the hat, and quickly found that Teal’c was pretty good for a Monopoly virgin. Of course, it didn’t help that Jack was coaching him on how to be a ruthless businessman. Daniel was broke within an hour, and Teal’c took great pleasure in ‘capturing DanielJackson’s dog.’ Sam and General Hammond, getting slightly desperate to combat Jack and Teal’c Monopoly ruthlessness, started competing for the biggest properties. Jack owned Park Place and Boardwalk, but Sam had managed to get the entire lower row, setting hotels up on every property. Hammond did the same with the top row, and Teal’c was slowly but surely increasing his holdings across the boards as he forced his friends to mortgage properties to pay beauty pageant fees and such.
"Okay, Teal’c, now what you wanna do is set up four houses on each property you own. Once you have four, you can set up hotels, and get more money for them."
"As Major Carter has done."
"Exactly. Only your properties already have a higher rent than hers, so you’ll make more money."
"I will capture Major Carter’s shoe and General Hammond’s automobile."
"Yes."
"Colonel," broke in Hammond irritably, "I was not aware that this was a team sport."
Jack looked up innocently, "Just helping him out, sir. After all, he’s never played this before."
"Well stop it, Colonel. That’s an order."
"But we’re off duty-"
"Colonel!"
"Yessir," he sulked, moving his eyes to stare back at the hotel-laden Boardwalk and Park Place, then to Sam’s shoe, which was making its way slowly down the towards them. She cursed as she landed on Boardwalk and Jack leapt out of his seat, doing an obnoxious little dance, "Yes! Carter, you owe me $2,500!"
"Shut up, sir," she grumbled, rifling sullenly through her tiny stack of fake money.
"Twenty-five hundred bucks! Pay up!"
She growled, gritting her teeth and wondering if she’d still get court martialed for decking him if they were off duty. Maybe if she took a video of this in to court she’d get off...
"Oh that is it!" she shouted, slamming her hands down on the table and wandering out in to the hall, "I’ll be back in a second! Keep playing!"
"Are you out, Major?" Jack called back, continuing his little victory dance. There was no answer, so Jack grinned, "I’ll take that as a yes." He quickly scooped up the remainder of her money, stacking her deeds in a neat little pile, all the while muttering about how great he was at this game, even if she had taken the shoe...
It was then that the hands appeared, sticking a large piece of black duct tape across his mouth and thankfully stopping his obnoxious victory rant. Daniel, still watching from the corner, burst out laughing so hard he fell off his chair.
Sam, behind Jack and still holding the roll of duct tape, smiled sweetly, "You were saying, sir?"
He reached a hand towards one corner, mumbling incoherently behind it and pretty anxious to get it off.
Hammond, chuckling, gave him a mock-stern look, "Don’t even think about it, Colonel. I think that tape’s just fine where it is."
"Thank you, sir," Sam smiled, going to join Daniel in the corner and help him back in to his chair. Teal’c watched the proceedings with growing confusion, "Major Carter, why-"
"I’ll explain later, Teal’c," she said, trying to fight back laughter.
Hammond rolled the dice again, still laughing, "I’ll tell ya, that’s sillier than apple dumplings!"
Teal’c raised an eyebrow as Hammond’s car landed on Kentucky Avenue, "You owe five hundred dollars in rent, General Hammond." A pause, "And what is an apple dumpling?"
THE END... like? :)
Story Notes: Email: SlayrSpce@aol.com
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in this story, except maybe the duct tape.
Author's Notes: Hey gang! I was at heliopolis today and found this challenge, and just had to answer it... I think I'm high, but hey, whatever works!
Challenge:
1. Someone saying, "That's sillier than apple dumplings!"
2. Teal'c and General Hammond fighting over Monopoly game pieces
3. Lots and lots of humor! Funnier the better!
4. Jack getting his mouth duct-taped closed.
Must not include:
1. Sam or Daniel whumping
2. Aliens (unless the people at the SGC are aliens. Hmm...)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in this story, except maybe the duct tape.
Author's Notes: Hey gang! I was at heliopolis today and found this challenge, and just had to answer it... I think I'm high, but hey, whatever works!
Challenge:
1. Someone saying, "That's sillier than apple dumplings!"
2. Teal'c and General Hammond fighting over Monopoly game pieces
3. Lots and lots of humor! Funnier the better!
4. Jack getting his mouth duct-taped closed.
Must not include:
1. Sam or Daniel whumping
2. Aliens (unless the people at the SGC are aliens. Hmm...)
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]