I step through the mirror. Knowing it's what I have to do. The only thing I can do. I wasn't her Jack, any more than she was my Sam. I still feel the touch of her lips on mine. It felt so right and yet so wrong. She was the wrong Sam, not my Sam. I look back at her, the other Sam before the mirror goes dark. Anything to avoid looking at my Sam. I wasn't ready to look at my Sam.
Emotion churns within me. Everything used to be so simple. She isunder my command, for crying out loud. I never allowed myself to look at her in that way. No, that wasn't true. I knew I thought about her, but the moment I realized it, I would shove those thoughts to the farthest corners of my mind. Wouldn't acknowledge them. Couldn't acknowledge them, tried to ignore them, pretend they didn't exist. If I didn't acknowledge them, I wouldn't have to admit it. If I didn't admit it then I wouldn't have to face my feelings. But now, what was I going to do? After having my feelings shoved in my face.
I could hear Sam's question "Don't you want me?"
I could hear my damning reply "No, not like this."
I could hear Daniel's "You and Sam were engaged."
And I could hear Kawalsky's "So you and Sam never had a thing in your world? Yeah, I know it's against regulations, right? You two look pretty good together, let me tell you."
Had Kawalsky meant the alternate Sam and alternate Jack? Had he meant my Sam and me? God, I'd drive myself crazy with these thoughts. Sam could explain it, but I couldn't ask her. How had she felt when I had kissed her alternate self. Had she known that I wished it were her instead? Had she wished it were her instead?
I looked over at her. Our eyes met, then skittered away. Neither of us ready to deal with the repercussions of the knowledge gained from the alternate reality. My eyes met Daniel's. I could see a wealth of questions in the younger man's eyes. Questions I didn't have the answers to. I had to get out of here. I had to think, regroup. I had to figure out what was going on.
We all left, more absorbed in our own thoughts than any thing else. At least Sam and I were. At one point it looked like Daniel was going to ask Sam something, but she avoid him, just as she avoided me. What was she thinking? Did I really want to know?
I drove home. My mind was on Sam and not the drive. God what was I going to do? Pretend I never kissed the alternate Sam? Pretend I didn't feel the way I did? How did I feel? God, I've never been that in touch with my feelings, and now I'm even more unsure about them. The only thing I know for certain is that I can't imagine my life without Sam in it. Do I love her? Honestly, I can't say. I don't know. I've never dwelt on my feelings for Sam. She is always here, a constant in my life, someone I can count on. Her smile brightens my day. Her laugh warms me. When she is injured or in pain I feel it too. She's a comrade in arms and a friend. I trust her with my life. But do I love her?
I could still feel the other Sam's lips on mine. I remember the thoughts that went through my head as we kissed. The happiness that I was kissing Sam, the desire, the confusion and disappointment, knowing it wasn't my Sam. Wanting her to be my Sam. I remember the look in her eyes. She knew. God she seemed to know me better than I know myself. Does my Sam know me that well?
My thoughts chase each other around my brain. Always coming back to the same question? But never with an answer. I had to get out. I had to do some thing. Anything, to stop thinking about this.
I grab my keys and get in my car and drive. I don't know how long I drove. I don't know if I planned to end up here, but I did. I sat there looking at her house for the longest time. A light was on. Was she up? Was she alone? I'd never thought to wonder. Was there someone in her life? Someone she'd never told us about? I should turn around now. I should go back home. Quit this reckless course of action. But I couldn't, against my will I get out of the car and walk to her door. I hesitate, then knock.
Slowly the door opens. She stands there, dressed in a robe. "Sir?" She starts her confusion evident.
I don't let her finish. I advance and she retreats. She stops as her back meets the wall. I come closer. My fingers tangled in her hair. Her eyes beseech me, to stop or continue I can't tell. My lips meet hers. Our tongues meet, hesitantly at first, then with passion.
It feels right, so very right.
The End.
--
The ability to speak does not make you intelligent - Qui-Gon Jinn
Sometimes the Universe requires a change of perspective - Delenn
Question of the day - Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
Story Notes: E-MAIL ADRESS: pandora@softcom.net
RATING: PG
PARTS: 1/1
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, alive or dead, is coincidental.
REQUIRED READING: None
AUTHORS NOTES: Epilogue to Point of View, mild angst and S/J romance.
SUMMARY: Jack's thoughts after Point of View
ARCHIVE: Sam & Jack Archive, all others please ask.
SPOILERS: Point of View
DATE: 7/31/99
FEEDBACK: Yes.
Hey Campers, After watching 'Point of Veiw' I just had to write something. So here it is. Let me know what you think.
RATING: PG
PARTS: 1/1
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, alive or dead, is coincidental.
REQUIRED READING: None
AUTHORS NOTES: Epilogue to Point of View, mild angst and S/J romance.
SUMMARY: Jack's thoughts after Point of View
ARCHIVE: Sam & Jack Archive, all others please ask.
SPOILERS: Point of View
DATE: 7/31/99
FEEDBACK: Yes.
Hey Campers, After watching 'Point of Veiw' I just had to write something. So here it is. Let me know what you think.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]