samandjack.net

Story Notes: e-mail: elisemarie@cwcom.net

Category: Sam and Jack relationship.

Spoilers: None, but it is a sequel to Changes which is a sequel to Getting Over You which is the sequel of something else.

Season info: series four, possibly later. It takes place roughly two months after Changes.

Rating: PG

Warnings: An SG-1 member does get hurt.

Archive: Sam and Jack and Heliopolis, please.

Summary: Jack must face the consequences of Changes.

Disclaimer: The original characters, story and situations are property of the authors everything else belongs to MGM, Double Secret and Gekko. We intend no trademark infringement and any similarity to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


Colonel Jack O'Neill was sat outside General Hammond's office waiting to go in. He had no idea why the general wanted to see him, he could only hope he was not in trouble. Why would be in trouble though? He asked himself.

'Hello!' a voice in his head said, 'You slept with a junior officer, someone who reports directly to you and with whom a relationship is forbidden.'

'That was two months ago,' he thought trying to reassure himself.

'So? Jealous ex-lover, Ryan, may have told the general.' Jack sighed as yet another consequence of his drunken one night stand presented itself. Not only had the night caused a great deal of awkwardness between Jack and Sam, it had also placed a great of strain on SG-1 itself. As a result of this strain, Captain Carter had not joined the team on many away missions. Major Ryan Eliot, her fiancé at the time, had transferred to another base after Sam told him the truth. Jack had been pleased the General had granted the transfer as with Ryan gone he posed no threat of revealing Jack and Sam's little secret. Or did he? He could have told the General. That could be what this meeting was about. The General would not be pleased if he found out it was Jack's unproffesionalism that had led to the upheaval in the team.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

Jack turned his head slightly to see Daniel and Teal'c approaching. "I've got to see the General."

"Us too," Daniel said.

It wasn't about his relationship with Captain Carter then. What relationship? It was a one night stand and after a few weeks of trying to talk to her, to no avail, Jack had given up trying to resolve their issues. The door opened and the General asked the three men to enter. He gestured for them to sit and Daniel and Jack did, whilst Teal'c remained standing.

They continued to sit in silence for what seemed like an eternity until Jack finally spoke, "Sir, why are we here?"

The General sighed, "I don't know how to say what I have to say. Where do I start?"

"Beginning's always a good place, sir."

Ignoring the sarcasm the General took a deep breath before saying, "I know that Captain Carter hasn't been an active member of SG-1 lately and I realize that you deserve an explanation for this."

Jack began to panic. The General couldn't know. Could he?

"Captain Carter requested a transfer just over a month ago and I found a replacement for her today."

Jack's guilt grew. He had pushed Sam away from the career she loved. It should be him transferring not her.

"Transferred?" Daniel said, "Why? Where? Why?"

"One question at a time, Doctor Jackson," the General said but before he could offer any answers Jack cut him off.

"General, has the transfer been finalized?"

"No, I was going to do that now."

"Could you postpone until I see Captain Carter. I may be able to change her mind." There was no way he was letting Sam walk out on her career or give up on her dream.

"I doubt, but..." the General gestured for Jack to leave.

"Thank you, sir." Jack said running from the room with Daniel and Teal'c following closely behind. He had to make Sam stay, even if it meant him leaving the project.



*****



Jack's car pulled up into Captain Carter's drive and he, accompanied by Daniel and Teal'c, walked up to the front door. Jack rang the ball and waited for someone to answer. When no one did he knocked on the door getting louder as time passed.

Daniel grabbed Jack's wrist. "Maybe she's not in."

Jack did not answer as he opened the latter box and began to shout, "Captain Carter? Open up."

Sam was sitting in her study trying to work as she ate a triple decker sandwich when she heard the doorbell ring. She guessed it would be Jack. The General had told her that he was going to tell SG-1 about her transfer today and she knew Jack would come round. She was proven right as she heard him shouting to her to open the door. She had enough of him banging on the door so she put the sandwich down and went to open the door. She opened the door and saw Daniel and Teal'c had come with Jack. That made her feel better as she would not have to talk to Jack with the others here.

"Hi," she said leaving the door open as she walked into the living room. "I suppose the General spoke with you." She sat down on a chair and offered the others a seat by a wave of her hand.

"Yeah, he did." Jack replied.

"What's going on, Sam?" Daniel asked.

"I don't mean to be rude, but could I get a drink?" Jack asked.

"Sure, the rest of you?"

"Coffee, please." Daniel said and Teal'c shook his head.

Sam looked at Jack, "What would you like, sir?" She said getting up.

"That's okay, I'll help you." Jack said following Sam into the kitchen. Jack shut the door behind him and said, "We need to talk."

She turned the kettle on, "Is coffee okay with you?"

"Whatever. Sam, please," he stepped closer but she moved away to get some cups.

"Milk and sugar?" She asked.

"Yeah," she was avoiding his question and it was annoying him, "Sam!"

"I better ask Daniel," she said walking past him to the door. He grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. He let go of her arm but the look on his face demanded attention. "Look, I don't want to explain myself twice. I'll tell you once I've got the coffee. You're the one who wanted a drink."

"Just listen to me, please." She crossed her arms and looked at him, "Don't leave, please," he pleaded. "I understand that you feel uncomfortable around me but you shouldn't have to leave the SGC. If anyone should leave because of what happened it should be me. I'm closer to retirement and you love your work. I'm sorry for what happened. I never considered your feelings but you can't leave. I will. I'll resign my commission if you promise me you'll stay at the SGC." He breathed and studied her face for a reaction.

She laughed and walked back to the counter to pour coffee into the cups. "You think so much of yourself, don't you?"

"What?"

"Ask Daniel if he wants milk and sugar." she did not turn back to look at him.

"He has two sugars and milk," Jack said without needing to ask Daniel, "Now, what is going on? What did you mean by 'you think so much of yourself'?"

"You," she said simply before elaborating, "You think I'm getting a transfer because of you. Well I'm not. In fact I'm not even leaving the SGC." She went and got some milk out of the fridge.

"You're not?" Jack said, even more confused now.

"No." She said putting the milk back in the fridge.

"Where are you going then?"

"I'm transferring to a research team. I'll be based at the SGC."

"So you're staying on the stargate project?"

"Yes."

"Well, why are you leaving SG-1 then? I mean if it's not me, then what?"

"Look, as I said before I don't want to repeat myself twice," she said placing the drinks on a tray and walking to the door. Jack opened the door for her and they walked into the other room where Daniel and Teal'c were patiently waiting. Sam placed the tray on the table and Daniel took his drink.

"Yuck!" Daniel said.

"What?" Sam asked as she sat opposite Daniel and Jack.

"I hate sugar."

"Ooops!" Jack said feigning innocence.

"I'll get you another one."

"It doesn't matter," Daniel said, "I just want to know why you're leaving the stargate project. I thought you loved it."

"I do," she sighed, "I'm not leaving SGC."

"Where are you going then?"

"I'm transferring to a research team that stays on Earth."

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"That's what I want to know," Jack said looking at Sam.

"Going on away missions is too dangerous in my condition. I spoke with the General and he said it's best if I transfer for a while."

"What condition?" Both Daniel and Jack asked at the same time. Teal'c merely raised a questioning eyebrow.

She took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."



****



Jack sat forward in the chair trying not to spill his scalding hot drink over him. She was pregnant. He slept with her two months ago. She was pregnant and he might be the father. How could she not tell him she was pregnant?

Pregnant!

He must be dreaming.

She could not be having his child.

"Pregnant?" Daniel asked.

"Yes," she said looking round at her three friends but her eyes fell to rest on Jack.

Daniel nodded trying to get over his shock. Jack continued to stare at Sam as if her face would answer his question: Who was the father? Of course it did not matter because he could never voice the question without insulting her.

"Have you told Ryan yet?" Daniel asked.

Jack shot his friend an evil glare for bringing Ryan into it. Sam gripped her cup tighter and looked at Jack, "Uh, yeah. I told him yesterday."

Jack returned her look and she turned her gaze back to Daniel. "What did he say?" Daniel asked.

"He. He said that he, uh, he wants nothing to do with me or the child." Seeing the concerned look on Daniel's face she then added, "But that's okay with me. I don't want anything to do with him, either." Without any explanation she walked off into the kitchen.

Daniel started to go after her but Jack stopped him, "I'll go." He followed Sam into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. "You okay?"

"Fine," she said as she tried to reach up to one of the higher shelves, with little success. He walked over to her and got a packet of cookies down off the top shelf for her. He did not move away, he stayed stood close behind her.

"Sam?" She turned to face him. She opened the packet and offered him one. He took one and put it in his mouth. Once he had swallowed he said, "How many months pregnant are you?"

"Three," she whispered taking a bite of a cookie.

He shoved another cookie into his mouth and nodded. He stepped away and said, "I better get back to the base so the General can complete your transfer." He walked to the kitchen door, "I'll see you around, Captain." He left the house and drove off, forgetting to tell Daniel and Teal'c.



****



Jack stopped his car and got out. He did not actually know where he was but he did not want to go back to the base, not yet. When she had said she was pregnant he had, naturally, been shocked but he had also been happy. After all, who would not be happy when face with the news that the woman you loved was possibly pregnant with your child. But then he had discovered that the unborn child had been conceived a month before the night he had shared with Sam on the alternate Earth.

Now all he felt was regret and sadness. He realized how much he wanted the family that his alternate reality counterpart had. Not just that he wanted a child, but that he wanted Sam. Could he put that on her though? Could he admit that he loved her? She was no longer under his command so there was nothing stopping them. No rules, no regulations, nothing in their way. But could he tell her this while she was pregnant?

What if she agreed with him? What if she did feel the same? Could he bring up a child that was not his? He was getting too far ahead of himself, she might not even feel the same way he did. Sure, she had accidentally announced she loved him two months ago but feelings change. It did not scare him anymore. He did not care if he was about to open his heart to her and reveal his one vulnerability. He was pretty sure that she felt the same and if she did not at least he would not have to see her everyday.

Should he be complicating their relationship when she needed her friends the most? And their relationship wasn't already complicated, Jack thought to himself.

Jack got back into the car and started the engine. Without indicating he pulled out onto the busy road. Without looking he cut into the line of traffic. Without seeing it he collided with a red sports car. Without another thought his head made contact with the steering wheel starting a deafening wail of the car horn.



****



After Jack had walked out Sam went back into the other room.

"Did I just hear Jack leave?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, said he needed to get back to the base." Sam confirmed.

"We need to get back to the base too and he's taken the car. Now what are we going to do?"

"I'll take you back," Sam said picking up her keys. They all left the house and got into Sam's car. Daniel sat in the passenger seat while Teal'c sat in the back.

"Sam?"

"Yes, Daniel?"

"You, uh, you said that Ryan wanted nothing to do with the child and I, uh, I just wanted to let you know that we're here for you. All of us, even Jack, are here for you. We'll help you through it."

Sam turned to Daniel and said, "Thanks. That means a lot to me." She turned her attention back to the road.

"Is the child male or female?" Teal'c asked.

She glanced at him quickly in the rear view mirror, "I don't know yet."

"If it's a boy you should call him Daniel," Daniel said, "It's a great name."

"Very modest of you, Daniel." As Sam continued to drive Daniel and Teal'c proceeded in discussing baby names. Once they got to the base the guys got out and Sam opened her window, "I'll see you two later."

"Bye," Daniel said.

"Goodbye Captain Carter." Teal'c said and they walked off.

"I still think Daniel's best." Sam heard Daniel say as she drove off. She was glad that Daniel and Teal'c were happy about the child but she could not believe Jack. He had walked out on her when she had said that she was three months pregnant. She never thought that it would upset him this much.

Sam slowed the car down as she approached a hive of activity. She looked around and saw police, fire, ambulance. Must have been a car crash, she thought as the car in front of her moved off slightly. She could clearly see that a red car had smashed into a brown car. Shattered glass had scattered the floor, blood stained the road where one of the drivers had been thrown from his car. Sam's face fell as she read the number plate of the brown car and her worst fears were realised.

"Jack," she whispered seeing him being wheeled into an ambulance. She pulled her car into the lay-by and got out. She ran past the slow moving traffic as she tried to get near to him.

"Can I help you?" A police officer said as her blocked her path.

"I know that man. The one who drove the brown car. His name is Colonel Jack O'Neill. I work with him. Please, I have to see him."

"Okay," he turned to another officer and said, "David, this is..."

"Captain Carter."

"Captain Carter. She works with the Colonel here."

"You want to come with him?" She nodded.

Once the ambulance had started moving Sam asked, "How is he?" She looked down at him. He was covered in blood, a breathing mask covered his mouth and a drip hung beside him.

"Better than the other passenger," the paramedic muttered but Sam heard him, "We'll know more when we get to the hospital."

She took one of his hands and squeezed it tightly. "I'm sorry, Jack. I am so sorry."



****



Sam paced up and down the corridor. The doctors and nurses had taken Jack to the resuscitation room and told her to go to the reception to give Jack's details. She had then phoned the base and told Daniel what had happened. She glanced at her watch. That had been half an hour ago. What was taking them so long? Jack had failed to regain consciousness in the ambulance and she had just watched him lying there silently. Every thought about what could be wrong with him, went through her mind. He had to be all right. She needed him. He couldn't leave her, not now.

Excuse me," Someone said and Sam turned to see a doctor, "Are you Captain Carter, the woman who accompanied Colonel O'Neill in?"

"Yeah. How is he?" She whispered.

He gestured for her to sit down and he sat next to her. "Colonel O'Neill suffered a trauma to the head due to the impact. The car wasn't travelling at a great speed so he, luckily, has no internal injuries or broken bones. He does have some cuts and bruises, but other than that he should be fine if he wakes up soon."

"What do you mean 'if he wakes up'?"

"The sooner he wakes up the less damage that may occur."

Sam sank into the seat. "What sort of damage?"

"It's hard to know exactly what happens to the brain in traumas such as these. He may have short term or long term amnesia. He may lose control of some motor functions or of some higher functions or he may be perfectly fine. The longer he remains unconscious the greater the possibility of damage and the more chance of him falling into a coma." He paused to let the news sink in.

"Can I see him?"

"Sure." He showed her into the room and she stood in the doorway looking at Jack. He looked so peaceful.

She walked towards him and picked up his hand. "Jack? Jack, can you hear me?" She asked. Doctors always said that a person in a coma might be able to hear people talking to them. She hoped they were right. She may not have the courage to say what she was about to later.

"I'm sorry." She wiped a tear from her eye. Why had this happened? Why Jack? Why like this? He had been upset when he had left her house. It was her fault, all her fault. She kept her right hand firmly on his as she pushed a strand of hair from his face with the other.

She shook her head, "Jack, please wake up. I need you. Please Jack. I'm sorry, so sorry. I should never have lied but I didn't know what to do," she was crying freely now. "When I found out I was pregnant it was a shock and then the doctor told me how far gone I was. Jack, I hope you can hear me and hear me when I say I'm two months pregnant. I don't know who the father is, though. I was still sleeping with Ryan two months ago when I slept with you. I was scared. I didn't know who the father was and for different reasons I didn't want it to be either yours or Ryan's. I'm so sorry. I should never have lied, you wouldn't be here if I hadn't and it's all my fault that you are. It's all my fault." She sat down in the chair and buried her face in the bed.

"What did you say?" Jack whispered.

Sam looked up to check he was awake and she was not just imagining things. "Jack?" She sat up and smiled when she saw that his eyes were open.

His hand still in hers, he asked, "What did you say?"

She looked at him, "I said Jack. Maybe I should get a doctor." She tried to turn away but he grasped her hand tighter.

"How many months pregnant are you?" He asked trying to sound as forceful as possible in his weakened state.

"Jack, this isn't the time."

"When is it the time?"

"You should be seen by a doctor to make sure you're okay."

"Sam, if you're pregnant with my child I want to know. I have a right to know. Please." He looked her in the eye and saw fear in them.

"Jack, I don't know. I'm two months pregnant. It could be yours, it could be Ryan's. I just don't know." More tears began to fall from her eyes.

He squeezed her hand in comfort. "It's okay, we'll find out who the father is and if it's mine then I'll stand by you."

"If it's yours! Daniel said he and Teal'c would stand by me no matter what. Speaking of them I better go tell them you're okay." She tried to pull her hand free but Jack held on. "Please, Jack."

He let go and watched her leave. She had lied to him. She had looked him in the eye and lied. This was no little white lie either, it was a major lie. She was willing to bring up her child as Ryan's and never tell Jack the truth. If he had died today he would have gone to his grave never knowing it was his child.

She said she had her reasons for not wanting him to be the father but it was the fact that she had lied. He could remember no other time where she had lied to him, so why now and why over this?



****

Two Weeks Later.



Jack was finally getting out of the hospital. He hated hospitals. They made him feel uncomfortable and nervous as if just by stepping into one would give him an incurable disease. He was lucky to be getting out and going home. He very nearly ended up going to prison. If it had not been for the fact that the other driver in the accident had been drunk Jack would be in prison now.

As he walked out of the door he saw a familiar person getting out of a car. It was Sam and she was with Daniel and Teal'c. He headed over toward them. All three of them had visited him over the past two weeks but Sam had never come on her own and Jack was pleased. He had no idea of what to say to her. She believed he was only interested in the child, whereas he could not get over the fact that she had lied. He knew it was petty but she had not, of yet, offered him any explanation and he could not believe that she had considered, and decided, to keep his child from him.

"What you guys doing here?" Jack asked approaching his team-mates.

"Sam's having an ultrasound." Daniel said and Sam smiled, avoiding Jack's eyes.

"Mind if I tag along?" He looked at Sam.

"Sure," she nodded but still refused to meet his eyes.

They went into the hospital and a nurse showed them to an examination room. "Doctor Irvine will be along in a moment. If you'd like to take a seat." She gestured to all four of them before leaving the room. Sam sat on the bed while Jack and Daniel each took a seat and Teal'c remained standing. The doctor soon arrived and instructed Sam to lie back and reveal her abdomen. Jack looked at Sam's bare abdomen. He had not realised it before, due to her clothing, but there was a small bump. A small bump that might be his child. It was unbelievable.

He noticed Sam flinch slightly as the doctor put the cold saline gel on her stomach. The doctor then placed the ultrasonic scanner on her stomach and the three men crowded round the screen to watch the video image that the reflected waves created.

"Wow!" Daniel stared at the screen in amazement, "What exactly is it all?"

"If you let me see I may be able to tell you."

Daniel moved back slightly, a sheepish look on his face. Teal'c, too, moved back and Jack moved to the other side of the bed. Being in this situation was bringing back memories for Jack, at the time they were pleasant. Seeing his son within his wife, the woman he had loved. Now all it brought back was hurt. Hurt at knowing his son had died and that if this child were his he could hurt it in the same way. He shook his head in an attempt to shake the images from it.

"That's the baby's heartbeat."

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Daniel asked and Jack felt a wave of jealousy wash over him. Why should Daniel, and Teal'c for that matter, be here? It wasn't their child. The jealousy left when Jack remembered that he may not be the father.

"It's too early to tell that. What's that?" The doctor asked himself.

"What's what?" Sam asked the smile she had worn gone.

"Hang on," the doctor said as he examined the screen closer and he focused the scan on Sam's right side.

"Doctor?" Jack asked moving closer to Sam as he took her hand and absently began to stroke her hair as comfort for them both.

"Doctor?" Sam said as she gripped his hand tighter.

"I'd like to get a second opinion." Doctor Irvine proceeded in walking out the room offering no word of an explanation.

Daniel and Teal'c turned to look at Sam who was looking directly at Jack and he was returning her gaze. He brushed some hair behind her ear, "Don't worry. Everything'll be fine." He gently reassured.

"But why does he want a second opinion? What's wrong?" Her voice quivered and Jack wanted to help her but did not know how.

He bent down closer to her and whispered very quietly. "Do you trust me when I say everything'll be okay?"

"I trust you but you're not a..."

He cut her off, "Then you trust me when I say that our child, I mean your child will be fine." Jack could kick himself for the slip up. He did not even know if it was his and he just announced it to his friends. He glanced at Daniel and Teal'c quickly but they said nothing. Maybe they had not heard his confession, after all he had been whispering.

He looked back down at Sam and she was looking directly into his eyes. She nodded but the look in her eyes showed that she was not reassured.

The doctor soon came back in with a female doctor right behind him. She was introduced as Doctor Herbert and Irvine then set about scanning Sam's stomach again. The second scan was an agonizingly slow one and an awkward silence fell over the people in the room. Every possible thought came to Jack's mind. From whether it was his child or not, to what was wrong. From some higher power punishing him or Sam to an effect of the Stargate causing whatever was wrong. He was thankful when the silence was broken.

"There! Do you see it?" Irvine said pointing at the screen. He sounded amazed, but at what? Jack thought.

Herbert neared the screen and nodded, "Umm-mm. I think you're right."

"What?" Sam nearly shouted getting impatient.

Irvine pointed at the screen. "This is your baby's heartbeat and here is a slight murmur. Now I suspected that it was no simple heart murmur and Doctor Herbert confirms my suspicions."

Impatient, too, Jack asked, "Which are?"

"There are two heartbeats."

"Two!" Jack and Sam said at the same time, neither of them taking their eyes off of the TV screen.

"Yeah, congratulations! You're having twins."

"Twins!" Sam whispered.

"Whoa! Cool!" Daniel said as he ran to the door, "I've got to tell Janet!" He left the room before Sam or Jack could protest.

"I will accompany Doctor Jackson." Teal'c said as he followed the younger man.

"We'll leave you two to it. You must have a lot to talk about." Herbert said as she and Irvine left the room too.

Jack looked down at Sam. He hadn't meant to say 'our child' it had just come out and she hadn't seemed bothered by it. She was having twins. He might be having twins. He didn't care if they were his or not, he would love them as if they were. He had realised that when he had seen them on the screen. Two lives. So innocent. He forgot she had planned on lying to him as he saw what they may have created. He remembered what he had thought just before the accident. He had planned on admitting his true feelings for her. His true reasons behind their one night together. He didn't know if the children were his, or what she felt for him but he did know one thing: he was in love with Samantha Carter. It wasn't because of the children it was because it was the truth and he no longer cared who knew it.

"Sam."

"Yeah?" She still sounded shocked. He helped her sit up and she began to sort out her clothes.

"I know we haven't spoken about any of this," he put up a hand to stop her when she tried to stop him. "Let me finish, please. Before the accident I realised there were no regulations to keep us apart but then I ended up in hospital. When I woke I found out it might be mine but you walked off before we got a chance to talk." He took a deep breath. He hated opening himself like this even though he had yet to admit to any feelings. What he was about to do scared him. It scared him more than he could remember. Rejection was a big fear that lasted throughout life and was rarely ever easy to get over. "What I'm trying to say is I want to be their father and be with you. Can I?"

"What do you mean?" Sam eventually said after finding her tongue.

He took a deep breath. "I mean that I want to be with you and the twins, as a family."

"We don't know if they're yours."

"I don't care." He took hold of her hand.

"Jack, please." She shook his hand off. "I can't do this now, not after..." she bit her lower lip. She wanted to be with Jack. She had realised that when Ryan had first come to see her. But she did not want him to want her because she was pregnant. She wanted them to be together because he loved her and although she could pretend that was the reason under other circumstances she couldn't do it now. "After us and Ryan." She finished as tears came to her eyes, "I just can't get into this now, I..." She couldn't continue. She tried to move past Jack but he stopped her and pulling her close he whispered lightly in her ear.

"Don't cry. It's all right. I understand."

She pulled back slightly and wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "Do you?"

"Actually, no, but I don't need to. If you don't want to be with me I'll back off and never mention it again." He turned and moved towards the door. She had to stop him. He looked so hurt.

"Jack, wait! That's not what I meant."

He let go of the door handle and turned to listen to her explanation.

"Ryan and I, we. No." She was tongue tied. She knew what she wanted to say but it wouldn't come out right. She tried again. "I asked you if there was any reason why Ryan and I shouldn't be together and you said no. Ryan and I got on well and you gave me no reason not to be with him. You gave me no indication of any deeper feelings you had for me. I loved Ryan, just not the way he loved me. He was so much deeper in love and when he proposed, I... I don't know." She shook her head as if it could sort out what she wanted to say. "When he proposed I figured it was for the best and that I'd forget about you. I mean, for three years you were just my commanding officer and gradually you became a friend, but somewhere during all that you became more. I was powerless to do anything about it and I couldn't act on it, but Ryan gave me a way out of it. And I am sorry for using him, but I truly believed that I could grow to love him as I once had."

She paused to gauge his reaction but his face was still emotionless. Sometimes he was as bad as Teal'c for hiding his emotions.

"And then you gave me a reason not to be with him. The night I slept with you I realised that I didn't love him and that I couldn't go back to that life with him. So I told him. I had to." Tears were threatening to spill again. "When I told him, well you saw what happened." She said referring to Ryan getting physical. "I never thought he'd do that to me, I thought I knew him. I didn't because he hurt me in a way that I never thought possible. It keeps playing over and over in my mind."

She squeezed back the tears.

"I can't get into another relationship now, not after what he did. I trusted him and he let me down. I thought I knew him, but I didn't. If someone I've known for over ten years can hit me what can someone who's known me four do?" She didn't mean it to sound how it did. She did trust him, with her life but her heart was sore and vulnerable. "If this is to happen between us it has to be for the right reasons." She looked up at him to signal she was finished. She waited for his response.



*****



He did understand now. He understood what was making her cautious and wary. She had trusted Ryan and, even though she had betrayed that trust first, he had broken it in a way that was hard to recover from. He understood that even though they trusted each other with their lives it would take her longer to trust him with her heart. It took a long time for a hurt heart to heal, he knew from experience. He would wait as long as it took.

"I understand." She looked at him sceptically. "I really do this time. And when you're ready, I'll be here for you." He smiled as he whispered her this promise and opened the door for her.

"Thanks." She reached up to stroke his cheek gently and he had the greatest urge to move into the touch but restrained himself. She smiled as she walked out the door leaving him standing there.



*****

The end.




You must login (register) to review.