God, it's cold tonight.
I pull at the sheets. Gather them tightly around me and tuck them under my chin, hoping I'll get warm soon. It doesn't work though. Never does anymore. The iciness always manages to crawl its way up my spine and claw at the back of my neck.
But it's not a normal chill. Not the type you feel when you've left a window open or kicked the covers off while you were asleep. It's the one that accompanies loneliness. When you're lying in bed, staring at the glowing, green digits on your alarm clock, counting down the hours and minutes until you can see *that* person again. I spend all day with Jack, following his orders and laughing at his jokes. I should get fed up of him. Instead, I return to my quarters or go home and wait for tomorrow. Wait for him.
Another shiver assaults my body and, this time, I wrap my arms more firmly around myself. I was once able to imagine they were his arms, securing me in his embrace and protecting me, if only for the remainder of the night. Now that doesn't even seem to work anymore. The fantasies are useless now that I've acknowledged the truth. The truth being that, at present, we can't be together. That there's just too much standing between us.
Ironically, I think the only thing that stops me freezing is knowing that, in fact, we are together. We are a couple. Certainly not a conventional one. Not one that can go home, hand in hand, every day or go out for romantic dinners. But we love one another. People with normal lives can just say the words, "I love you." We have to say it through our lingering looks and briefest of touches. Others promise to stand by each other until, "death do them part." We silently prove it by fighting side by side, both ready to cover the other's back and die if necessary. We're dedicated to this pseudo-relationship, this purely emotional bond. And that will have to be enough for now.
Still, it's hard not being allowed to reach out and touch him. I so badly want to wake up with Jack lying next to me. I wish I could trace the contours of his face with my fingers or run them through his hair. I long to be able to act like a normal couple. I guess I'll just have to hold out until the circumstances change. Eventually, it'll be warm at night.
But for now, it'll always be cold. Not quite freezing. Just cold.
The end.
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-- Becci ~~~~~ Brigadier General FL'er#5 ~~~~~ Proud keeper of Jack O'Neill's first grey hair. ~~~~~ Little Miss and Becci: creators of the Mr B snack bar. "For when conventional length just ain't good enough...."
Story Notes: Email: becci.crofts@talk21.com
Category: S/J, Sam's PoV, angst
Archive: SJA and Heliopolis. If it's wanted anywhere else, drop me a message first please.
Spoilers: None
Notes: I decided to have a go at an angst fic and have a break from the humour. It's fluff again because I just can't think of a decent plot. Thanks to Sally for her encouragement, beta reading skills and coming up with a title for me.
"Cold Comfort Copyright (c) Becci Crofts 2000
Category: S/J, Sam's PoV, angst
Archive: SJA and Heliopolis. If it's wanted anywhere else, drop me a message first please.
Spoilers: None
Notes: I decided to have a go at an angst fic and have a break from the humour. It's fluff again because I just can't think of a decent plot. Thanks to Sally for her encouragement, beta reading skills and coming up with a title for me.
"Cold Comfort Copyright (c) Becci Crofts 2000
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]