Colonel Jack O'Neill is a threat to me.
Not because he can dismantle and reassemble a M16 in his sleep - which he can. Not because he's been a part of more covert operations than I'm even away of - although he has been. And not because he's strong and intelligent and strategically-minded... though I imagine that's a part of it.
So why do I find Jack so dangerous? So risky? So unsafe? Cynical, wry, scientifically oblivious, witty, cranky, ultimately vulnerable Jack O'Neill?
Because without a word he can entreat me to change my life forever.
He's a silent negotiator, stirring conflict within me, conjuring a thousand thoughts and dreams and fantasies that I'm powerless - or perhaps unwilling - to control.
He cajoles me, soundlessly, with a quirk of a smile or an uplifted eyebrow, to kiss him. He asks me, with a tease or a well-placed jab, to admit how distractingly attractive I find him. He begs me, with an indifferent shrug or caustic comment, to do something that can't be undone.
It's a rare occasion when tender words pass between us, and that's not just because we're military. I know he cares for me from the things he does - what he says verbally is inconsequential. I show him that he's important to me through my actions, not my words.
THIS is unspoken communication - not just knowing what the other person will do or say, but knowing what they are feeling.
And other times, I feel like I hardly know the man...
And THAT is why Jack is a threat. We both feel the mutual attraction, the tension that runs deep and fast between us, soothed only by disagreement and confrontation. We both know, and we want, in our heart of hearts, to resolve it all.
But there are regulations.
And there are consequences.
And there is the team, and my career, and the whole future to think of.
So I remain silent.
I turn and see Jack, standing near the ramp. "You awake?" he asks, waving impatiently.
"Yes, sir," I answer, hoping the aqua glow of the active Stargate will hide my blush at being caught daydreaming. Daniel stands further up the ramp, staring at the glistening gate as though he hasn't seen it a million times before. Teal'c is not far away, watching us all with his half-bored, half-amused "come on, let's go" face... which looks pretty much the same as all his other faces.
"Ready to go?" Jack asks as I adjust my gear. I nod. His quip is light, flippant, but when I look up at him I notice just how closely he is watching me. I don't know exactly what he's thinking, but judging by his fixation, it's about me, and it's not bad.
But of course, he doesn't lend his voice to his ruminations. Instead, he cracks: "Ya know, in this light--" he gestures at the Stargate "--We kinda all look like Smurfs."
As we walk up the ramp, I clap him briefly on the arm. "Then let's go, Colonel Smurf."
Daniel and Teal'c step through the Gate. An instant before Jack and I follow, he looks over at me, a half-grin on his face. I can tell my the little gleam in his eye that 'Smurfs' will be a running gag for the entire mission.
As a reply, I give him a full-fledged smile, just as we step into oblivion...
... letting my actions tell him what my words cannot.
~~~ Alli Snow ~~~
Feedback is sooo not an option.
Devoted Mulder/Scully - Jack/Sam - Janeway/Chakotay shipper and all-around UST radar; Giants fan, kleptomaniac, schizophrenic willpowerless stalker chick.
"I just do what the little voices tell me to do."
"Some people say things they don't mean. Other people mean things they don't say."
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Keep/6963/ AIM: RRalli00