samandjack.net

Story Notes: Exclamation Series 02: Spoilers: Small references to Children of The Gods, Secrets, Seth. Spoilers for Broca Divide, I guess.

Season: For the companion piece, Oh Crap!, I indicated probably 4 or later; however, have swiftly come to the conclusion, with this, that it is probably 7 or later.

Sequel/Series Info: Companion piece to "Oh Crap!", a Jack POV. It definitely helps to have read that! This is the Sam perspective.

Author’s Note: Thanks once to Bonnie for her great beta job. She also persuaded me to change this fic from something sickly sweet to something a lot less so (while still being total fluff). So I am grateful to her for that in a big way and appreciate the suggestions and comments she made. But, as ever, all errors are mine. Also thanks for those of you who fed back nice thoughts about Oh Crap! I could not resist writing this piece to go with it.


Sam thought she'd recognise the colonel from a distance even if she was wearing a blind fold. That figure jogging towards them was him, wasn't it? Holy Hannah! Is that the colonel? Oh…my…God, it is. She wondered if he'd seen them, not sure that she wanted him to stop over for a chat. Then she noticed him stop dead in his tracks. He had seen them but he was hesitating, why? Apparently the colonel was trying to pretend that he wasn’t looking over at her and Mark, that he hadn't even seen them. That was weird, even for him. She decided to try and ignore it for now. Two can play at that game.


Sam hadn’t told the guys about the visit from her brother and the kids. Mark's views about the military were surely renowned throughout the whole US of A; he was pretty obvious sometimes. It generally took a lot of effort from Mark, her and her father, to keep the peace in the Carter family on that issue. Mark and Colonel O'Neill would probably be at loggerheads within 10 minutes and it wasn't worth risking. Sam didn't want her weekend ruined by both a petulant colonel and brother. The colonel could be difficult enough at the best of times; he wasn't exactly well known for his diplomatic prowess. The idea of colonel plus Mark definitely made for a migraine.

Besides, she was excited about the visit and wanted to keep her family to herself. Her brother and his family hadn't been to see her in Colorado Springs before. It wasn’t that long ago that the whole thing would have seemed impossible, in those days before the family had supposedly settled their differences. She planned to take full advantage. She knew Daniel and the colonel would probably try to butt in somehow, nosy about meeting the rest of the Carter clan. The colonel was likely to suggest a barbecue or something. No way! The guys would just get in the way of that quality time; they'd be a distraction. She'd told them she was doing something special. The colonel had tried to tease it out of her, of course, but she wasn't telling.

It was a beautiful day, perfect to bring the kids to the park. They were messing around on the swings and slides while Sam and Mark chattered amiably. She felt uncomfortable with him sometimes because of the military thing, and she hated the deception, that she could say nothing about her real work to him. Deep space radar telemetry just didn't have that zip factor. Today they were relaxed, laughing and joking together.

Glancing surreptitiously at the colonel, Sam gasped slightly. He was still there, as if rooted to the spot. What the hell was he doing? Why hadn't he come over? Holy Hannah! He looked hot….both figuratively and literally. Wow! He was breathing heavily, trying to recoup from the run, sweating so hard that his clothes were stuck to him, his hair damp and tousled. He looked positively post-coital, extremely sexy. God! She shouldn't even go there. What was she thinking?

Mark was trying to tell her something and at that moment Beth came over, tugging at her arm and trying to persuade Sam to play with her and Jimmy. Sam was trying to keep herself under control. Holy Hannah! Only Jack could make her feel this way. He just looked so… damned… gorgeous. The baggy black sweat bottoms and black T-shirt he wore reinforced Sam's thought. She loved him in black; he had no right to go around looking that good. If truth be told, Sam always figured there was nothing quite like a hot and sweaty colonel O'Neill? Whoa girl, breathe.

She loved watching him work out in the gym. Couldn't bear to be there with him too often though, it did things to her that weren't right to feel about your CO. Besides, she was scared she got caught ogling him. It wouldn't do for a Major in the USAF to get caught ogling her CO, particularly if it were him who caught her. She could imagine the twinkle in his eye, the little smile, as if he knew what she was thinking. She'd be so embarrassed.

Recalling the fateful day they’d met, Sam reflected on how she’d always been attracted to him. Who wouldn't be? He was a very handsome man. The problem was he just kept getting more damned good-looking with age. How was it some guys could do that? It wasn't fair. The greying hair definitely suited him. She was particularly partial to it when it was all mussed up, occasionally allowing herself to imagine running her fingers through it. Like… right… now, for instance. Mussed, and damp. Holy Hannah! She had to get a grip on herself.

Jack wiped his hands through his hair and over his face. Sometimes, he was a total menace with those hands. Always fiddling around, continually fidgeting; breaking stuff and ruining her experiments. He could be such a child. It was like looking after a two year old going through that terrible twos phase they all go through. A pain in the ass.

Conversely, his childishness could be endearing and make her laugh. She often thought that he did it deliberately; either to wind them all up, or to provoke her laughter. She liked to think it was the latter sometimes. And the hands could be pretty fascinating, those long slender fingers, and his constant gesturing with them to emphasise his words. What was it about them? She had dreams about what he might do to her with those hands. Holy Hannah!

She admonished herself. Don’t even go there Sam. What had got into her today? He did look pretty damned hot though; panting, sweating, and flushed. Jeez! The colonel was such a virile man. She'd always thought that if she could find, bottle and sell the mystery thing that was the magic of O'Neill she would be a very wealthy woman.

Holy Hannah! She exclaimed to herself and tried to keep her mind on what Mark was saying while still watching the colonel. A difficult task in the circumstances. She was still puzzled that he appeared to be frozen there, reluctant to move towards them, or to retreat.

The colonel could be a bit of an enigma. At times, his supposed stupidity drove her nuts. How the hell had he got a bird by being that stupid? Fact was, he didn't. She often wondered why he'd do that; pretend to be dumb and let the team think that they were the smart ones. Yeah Jack, good tactic.

He had some slightly off the wall ideas about leading a team, but they served him well. He was damned good at it and had saved their asses many a time. She had to respect that, even though he could be a bastard sometimes; totally ruthless, heartless, thoughtless, and single minded. Special Forces could do that to a guy. It angered her all too frequently. Many a time she had imagined the gym punch bag as the colonel, punching the living daylights out of it in a way not recommended with your real commanding officer.

He sure looked hot today. Holy Hannah! Sam cursed, thinking she'd distracted herself out of that thought. Sometimes it took a great effort of will to stop herself from touching him, kissing him and even, god forbid, seducing him. She wondered how he'd react. Probably with acute embarrassment, like that time she tried to have sex with him in the locker room all those years ago. Her toes curled at the memory. Things were different between them now, but he was still her CO. That’s why they could never go there, never do that. The thought saddened her.

It wasn't just a sex thing with Jack. Sure she would love that, was pretty sure he’d be fantastic in bed. If it was just sex then they could probably just get on with it and get it out of their systems. It wasn't though. He was a pretty special guy. Albeit a pain in the butt sometimes, he was extremely able, clever, and brave; she'd never had a CO that she'd admired and respected as much as him. She doubted even the colonel realised that she felt like that, or how much she saw through some of his hard outer shell. That glimpse of his inner core he exposed from time to time fascinated her. He excited her; was dangerous. The things that went to make up the man that was Jack O'Neill were often indefinable. It was always one hell of a ride with the colonel that was for sure.

His sarcastic and off-beat humour could be infuriating. He would persist in making things worse for himself by riling Jaffa, Goa'uld and various other bad guys with his acid tongue Sam figured he had some sort of masochistic alter ego insisting that he be punished for his imagined sins. She was pretty sure he thought he had committed quite a few of those. He could be pretty cruel using it on his friends too, as if they should suffer right along with him. God damn him, it was a habit she could live without. On the other hand, the exact same trait could make him very funny and witty. It certainly could keep her amused. The paradox frustrated her.

There was something charismatic about him, a kind of lop-sided charm. He had a unique O’Neill facial vocabulary, which was incredibly expressive and engaging; the innocent boyish, puppy dog looks, the raised eyebrows. She sometimes wondered whether he had got that from Teal'c or it had been there the whole time. It was so hard to remember now.

He could be terrific with kids and she knew instinctively that Beth and Jimmy would love him. She laughed to herself at this thought. It presented a vision of a day with O'Neill and her family; Mark with steam coming out of his ears while the kids worshipped the colonel adoringly. Despite his own obvious self-recrimination and regrets, he had probably been a wonderful father. How cruel that was, the ache he must feel deeply inside; a missing part of him that was lost forever. It moved her profoundly.

He could be so irksome. The only time he was ever still was when something needed his undivided attention and it was more prudent, like on a mission. Otherwise he was like the Ever Ready bunny; wind him up and let him go bounce off the walls. The colonel was the only guy she knew who could bounce of the walls while still sitting down. It could make her squirm; O'Neill bouncing around was not conducive to concentration.

Of course, when he was asleep he could be still. In peace his face was handsome, smooth and free of all the pain. She watched him sometimes then, when the opportunity presented itself. The nightmares that so obviously haunted his sleep on occasion disturbed her. They made her wonder about his past and the demons that preoccupied him. It frightened her what he might really be like under that O'Neill mask. Was he really the honourable man she liked to imagine? Sometimes she thought emphatically not; she'd known him a long time and seen some pretty scary stuff from him on occasion. Just as she thought she could hate the bastard he'd do something so… endearing. It was exasperating.

She had to admit he had a pretty high moral standard; he expected people to live up to it and was severely disappointed and hurt when they didn't. She didn’t always agree with where that standard led him, and that could be maddening. After all, he was her CO and had ordered her to do some things that made her slightly uncomfortable. It wouldn't be the last time that happened though. She was always going to have to take orders from someone and O'Neill was better than most. She hated the look in his eyes when he was upset that she hadn’t lived up to his expectations. It wasn't often, but it was enough. It galled her to think that he could be so judgmental - who the hell did he think he was?

There was a definite upside, though. His friends were of primary importance; he was loyal and would do anything for them, to the point of sacrificing himself to help, save or protect them. Not only that, but he commanded loyalty from them. She admired the way he would fly in the face of authority to get what he wanted, buck the system; that he was tenacious and strong-willed to the point of being stubborn at times. It was both a strength and flaw in his character; like so much about him, a mass of contradictions and complexities that were both alluring and repellent.

That he never gave up was one of his greatest strengths and had kept them all going through some extremely difficult times; he could be relentless. At times he could be insufferable and overbearing; often tactless and thoughtless. On the other hand, he could be surprisingly shy, disarming, gentle and kind. And he cared, more than he could or would ever show, but she knew that he did; he cared about people and his work very deeply.

It made life kind of interesting and was all part of that O'Neill magnetism. Jack was a constant in her life and, despite his obvious faults, she would feel diminished if he were no longer there. Sometimes she longed for the opportunity to get to know him better, that Jack part of him; spend more private time with him. Could she take it? Would it be worth it? Would they drive each other crazy? At times she could almost hate him, he would do something so dumb or inconsiderate. He could be downright scary. It certainly scared her that she knew so little of him, yet knew so much of him.

Holy Hannah, she wanted to go so much further than they were allowed. Seeing him like this just emphasised that fact. Couldn't. Shouldn't. Wouldn't. Sometimes it took a lot of self-control, like now for instance. He just looked so…wow!

Sam was nodding and smiling at Mark, but not listening; she could have agreed to climb Mount Everest with him for all she knew. Deciding she couldn't just ignore the colonel forever, she interrupted whatever Mark was saying, then waved at Jack, calling to him.

He appeared hesitant, nervous even. What was it with him? He wasn't with someone was he? Waiting? No, she couldn't even contemplate that, didn't even want to think how she'd feel about it. He appeared to be alone. She made a mental vow that one day she would try the getting to know him thing. She often pondered if they’d end up leaving it too late. No, Sam, don't even go there, and she crossed her fingers to be on the safe side. What sort of stupid thing to do was crossing your fingers, anyway? Crossing your fingers? Holy Hannah, it was pathetic.

As he approached she appraised him more closely. She just couldn't keep her mind away from how goddamned sexy he looked. She was beginning to regret calling him over, concerned she'd make an idiot of herself; act like a love-sick teenager, gauche and obvious. She could normally keep herself under much better control. Jack must be giving off extra pheromones today or something, she mused

"Hey, Carter! " he called, smiling. There was something off about the smile. She couldn't put her finger on it.

"Hey" She paused, "Colonel O'Neill."

The colonel cocked an eyebrow and nodded his head towards Mark, by way of an enquiry.

"Sorry Sir. This is Mark"

"Yeees…?"

He seemed to view Mark with caution, suspicion perhaps.

"Mark… My brother…?"

The relief on Jack’s face was evident and she was positive that he hadn’t intended to show it. Surely he didn't think? No he couldn't…. could he? The colonel thought Mark was her boyfriend? Is that what had made him hesitate? Holy Hannah, it was! She had to suppress a laugh at the thought. So he cared about that. He was always telling her to get a life, but he cared about that. The notion pleased her immeasurably.

Poor Jack. She wished she could hug him or something. No way! One touch now could be fatal; she might lose control. With all the thoughts that had been going through her head, who knew what she was capable of? She'd always believed she'd be pretty damned capable with Jack one day; he held the promise of something very special in the bedroom department. Reprimanding herself again she forced her brain out of the gutter it seemed determined to keep falling back into.

Jack and Mark were exchanging pleasantries, something about what an interesting field of study deep space radar telemetry must be. Meanwhile, she was distracted and tongue-tied. Holy Hannah, she had to get a hold on herself; and ensure Mark and the colonel didn't come to blows or something! How could she ever forgive them if one beat the crap out of the other. Her money was on O'Neill with that one. Mark as a bloody pulp at the colonel's hands was something she couldn’t allow, even though Mark could be a bit sanctimonious sometimes. She'd wanted to bloody his nose on more than one occasion. Had done when they were kids. It used to drive dad nuts.

O'Neill's voice brought her abruptly out if her reverie.

"So this is your secret, huh?" He asked, turning to look at her, a broad grin on his face. His eyes strayed down towards her navel. Sam was embarrassed that she'd worn the cropped top today and felt herself blushing.

"Um…p.. pardon sir?

"Your little secret? Your brother visiting?" The colonel still had his eyes firmly fixed on her midriff, and then they travelled up her body, resting on her face. As he looked into her eyes, his smile was mocking. She knew full well that he wasn't referring to her brother's visit. Holy Hannah! She'd never live this down. It had to be Jack O'Neill they bumped into in the park, didn't it? Couldn't it have been Daniel? He and Mark would probably get on great, both being self-righteous and all. Daniel would at least have pretended not to notice her bare midriff.

"Wanted to keep it all to yourself, huh, Carter? Jack continued, then, as if reading her earlier thoughts. "How about you all come over to mine for a barbecue on Saturday?"

He still looked directly into Sam's eyes, his dark brown ones boring into her blue ones. He managed to hold her complete attention. Suddenly, forgetting all her misgivings, Sam thought that she couldn't think of a more perfect thing to do.




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