samandjack.net

Story Notes: takes place a month after A Time of Need. This is the sequel to Time of Need. I don't know if the characters will seem right but we had a long day and it is hard to write while walking along a road. Thanks for the comments on the other story. We apologise now for any confusion this may cause. //**// means flashback.


The Mission Briefing.



Colonel Jack O'Neill was sat in the briefing room waiting for General Hammond. To his right was Captain Samantha Carter, opposite him was Doctor Daniel Jackson and next to Daniel was the Jaffa Teal'c. They were waiting for details of their next mission and Jack was in a bad mood. He had been in a bad mood for the past month. And it was all that idiot's fault. Just then 'that idiot' walked in.

Jack swiveled round in his chair to face Major Ryan Eliot, "What do you want?"

"I have a message, sir."

"Well deliver it and get out, this is a mission briefing." Jack said annoyed.

Ryan walked over to Daniel and set a folder in front of him, "The results on those samples are back, Daniel."

"Thanks, Ryan," Daniel said and Ryan walked out silently. Jack watched him leave, obvious disgust in his eyes. "Something wrong, Jack?" Daniel asked, looking at his friend.

"Nothing's wrong," Jack said turning back to face the others. Concern was in their eyes, but his only displayed anger.

Daniel raised his eyebrows questioningly at Sam.

"Sir, if you have a problem with Ryan then I think you should say so," Sam said turning to face Jack.

"I have no problem with Ryan," Jack emphasized the use of the Major's name, "I have a problem with Major Eliot interrupting this meeting." He said, purposefully not looking at Sam.

"The meeting hasn't started yet, Jack." Daniel pointed out.

"Did I ask for your input?" Jack snapped.

"No..."

Jack cut him off, "It was a rhetorical question!" He shouted, getting angrier by the second.

"Okay, I'm sorry, there's no need to start shouting."

"Shut-up then!" Jack said lowering his voice.

Daniel looked up at him, his mouth slightly open but he said nothing. Sam turned back to the papers in front of her and shook her head. She was worried about Jack.

"Let's get back to business, shall we?" Jack said with a grim smile on his face. The General soon turned up and at the end of the briefing Jack walked out. Sam caught up with him.

"Sir?"

"What is it, Captain?" He said, picking up his pace.

She quickened her pace and was soon in front of him, blocking his path. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he lied and it was obvious.

"Why don't I believe that?"

"I don't know and frankly, Captain, I don't care." He said moving round her. He couldn't tell her the truth. He could never tell anyone the truth.

She ran to catch up with him and once she had she said, "Don't block me out. If what happened in the cave meant anything to you, tell me what's wrong."

"It's none of your business and as far as I'm concerned the incident in the cave never happened." He hid his true emotions well but he could see the hurt and shock on her's.

"How can you say that? I told you things I've never told anyone before," she said, keeping the emotion from her voice.

"Not even Ryan?" He had to ask it, so he did.

"Especially not Ryan."

"This is all really nice but I don't really care about your insignificant little problems. I am your Colonel, nothing else. If you need to talk to someone, first of all do it on your own time and secondly, tell someone else because I don't care." He said as angrily and hurtfully as he could.

She raised her hand and with a swift movement slapped him. She walked off, fighting back tears as her hand still tingled from the impact.

He raised a hand to his left cheek. He could still feel the sharp sensation in his cheek. A pang of guilt stabbed through his heart. What had he done?



xxxxx



Sam sat crouched under a tree collecting soil samples. She had gone a little way off from the group trying to get out of the way of Jack's bad mood. They had only been here ten minutes before Jack had started shouting at Daniel. The argument had turned into name calling and Sam had walked off when she had realised that there was nothing she could do. Jack had been in a bad mood for the past month. She had originally dismissed it as his sadness over Charlie. When it didn't subside she had gone to speak to him. He had pushed her away by saying that nothing was wrong and had continued in telling her that her life was insignificant and he was only her Colonel.

Only her Colonel!

They had spoken to each other about things that they had never told anyone else and he now said that it meant nothing. Anger had built up inside of her. How could he say such hurtful things? She had slapped him. She knew she shouldn't have but she couldn't keep her feelings under control. The same questions rolled around her head. Why did the words from her Colonel hurt so much? Why did she feel like he wasn't just her Colonel, but more? Much more. She desperately wanted to get through to him but he didn't want her help. No-one was getting through to him and if Sam admitted the truth, she was becoming slightly scared of him and distancing herself from him was not a problem as he seemed to prefer being alone.

By now Jack and Daniel had finished their tormenting shouts and were sat on rocks with Teal'c keeping them apart. It seemed as though SG-1 was falling apart. Jack never wanted to be around any of them, Daniel was, as usual, engrossed in his work and Sam was spending more and more time with Ryan.

Since Ryan had turned up in the infirmary thay had been spending a lot of time together.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK



"Ryan," she said recovering from shock.

"You two know each other?" General Hammond asked looking from Sam to Ryan and back again.

"Yes, sir. Ryan and I served in the Gulf together."

"You have a friend already," Sam smiled weakly at Ryan as the General continued, "You'll find everyone here friendly, won't he Colonel?"

"Oh, yeah," Jack said, realising he should shake the Major's hand so he did, "I'm Colonel O'Neill."

"Pleased to meet you, sir," Ryan said shaking the Colonel's hand.

"Captain Carter," the general said, "Why don't you show the Major round after the debriefing."

Sam nodded.

After the debriefing Ryan was waiting for Sam. They began to walk along the corridoor in silence until Sam said, "What are you doing here? You couldn't have told me you were working here this morning?"

"Actually, it's now tomorrow or today so I came to see you yesterday."

"Don't change the subject. Why?"

"I didn't know that you were here. This is a top secret base." They continued their tour with Sam explaining about the facilities when they entered a lift. Ryan was first to break the long silence, "So what's the answer?"

Sam looked at him, remembering a similar question from a different guy, "What's the question?" She asked playfully.

"Dinner, tonight."

"Why not." Ryan leant down, grasping Sam's cheeks and pulling her to him and kissing her sweetly on the lips. She placed her hands on his arms and they only drew back once the lift doors had fully opened. They opened to reveal Daniel, Teal'c and Jack. She stepped away from Ryan and walked out of the lift, "Hi guys," she said, somewhat embarrassed.

"Hello Sam." Daniel said with a hint of laughter in his voice, "This must be the new technician."

"Yes. Major Ryan Eliot, this is Doctor Daniel Jackson and Teal'c. You've already met the Colonel."

"Hi," Ryan said shaking hands with both Teal'c and Daniel.

"When the General asked you to show him round, I don't think he meant that," Jack said sarcasticlly as he avoided her eyes.

"We're just off to get some breakfast, do you want to come?" Daniel asked jumping in so that an argument didn't start.

"No thanks, I have to finish showing the Major around."

"You might want to show him the sleeping quarters." Jack said, a grim smile on his face.

"Already have, sir." Sam said deciding that two could play that game.

"Well, we'll see you tomorrow, Sam." Daniel said breaking the tense atmosphere, "It was nice to meet you Ryan."

Teal'c nodded his agreement and Ryan smiled nervously. Jack gave another sarcastic grin and walked into the lift with the others.

Sam looked at the lift doors as they closed. Jack had been more sarcastic than usual. She put it down to it being Charlie's birthday. She had wanted to speak with him about what happened in the infirmary but she had yet to get the opportunity.



xxxxx



Once Sam had finished giving Ryan the tour she had returned home for some sleep. She had awoken at two in the afternoon and, after having a shower, had gone to see Jack. She walked up to the door and knocked on it. She waited patiently for an answer and she got one.

Jack opened the door, wearing only boxers and as he wiped the sleep from his eyes he said, "Yeah, what?" He opened his eyes, "Captain? What are you doing here?"

"Hi," She said looking him up and down, "Sorry to disturb you I didn't realise you were asleep, sir."

"No it's fine. Is there something wrong?" He said opening the door wider and moving aside.

"No," she said walking into his house, "I was just wondering what you were going to say."

"Excuse me?" He said following her into the living room. He gestured for her to sit as he did.

"In the infirmary, you were going to say something just as Ryan and the General walked in." She said as she sat down and looked around her. His house was spacious with few personal possessions. She turned to him again and looked him over. His tanned muscular figure alluring, and his gray hair ruffled.

"Was I?"

"You said, 'I just want to say.' I'm sorry, I was just curious. You've probably forgotten now."

"Actually, I do remember."

"Oh!"

"So, did you finish giving Ryan the tour?" He said changing the subject.

"Yes, but what was it that you were going to say?"

"I heard you agreed to the date."

"It's just a catch up with an old friend that's all," her voice frustrated that he wouldn't answer her question.

"Oh."

"Sir?"

"What? Do you want a drink?" He asked standing up.

"Sure, thanks."

"What do you want?" He shouted from the kitchen.

"Water will be fine," she said leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed and blocking his exit.

"Here you go," he said handing har a glass. There was a long silence before he tried to move past her. She placed a hand on his naked chest, which felt warm to touch. She looked at him forcefully, "What were you going to say? It started with, 'I just want to say'." She left the rest open, her hand still on his chest.

"I wanted to tell you that," he paused, "I wanted to say that you," he paused again, "You should follow your heart. If that means dating Ryan, go for it, and if it doesn't then don't." He said, his voice had gone quiet.

"Thanks," she said, her voice equally as quiet as she looked into his deep brown eyes.

"Your welcome," he said and cleared his throat. She took a sip of her water and removed her hand.

"I should let you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." She gave a small smile and walked to the door. Jack nodded. She opened the door and turned, giving him the glass. "Did you manage to see the stars?"

"What? Oh, yeah. They were amazing."

"Good," she gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the door. She headed to her car without looking back at him.



xxxxx



Ryan rang her doorbell at the arranged time of seven. She walked down the stairs and opened the door giving him a warm smile. He was wearing a casual suit and she was wearing a light blue blue dress that came down to her knees. It had single straps that showed off her tan and her cream sandles complimented the dress.

"You look good," he said moving closer and dropping a featherlight kiss on her cheek.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself. So were are we going?"

"I saw a quiet place on the edge of town. It looked like a good place to try."

"Okay, I haven't tried many places round here. You don't get much time with my job."

"I'm not surprised. We'll take my car," he replied. The ride was peaceful and they talked about his first day at the SGC. They ate dinner on the restaurant's balcony and watched the sun set. They talked about what had happened in the seven years since they had last seen each other. They even broached the subject of what happened seven years ago.

"I can't believe it's been seven years," Sam said sipping her glass of red wine.

"I can't believe I let you go like that."

Sam looked up at him, "Don't blame yorself, I don't."

"Can you honestly say that I didn't hurt you and that you never blamed me?"

"Well, no. When you said all of those things it didn't hurt me. It wasn't until I saw the look in your eyes that I knew you meant it." She looked down at her plate, "That's what hurt."

"I never meant it, Sammy. Never. I just didn't want you to see me like that. To feel you had to be with me just because I was hurt," he stopped that sentance and started another one, "I was giving you a way out."

"I didn't want a way out. I loved you. I wanted to help you through it."

"I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me?"

"I forgave you a long time ago."

Ryan smiled, "Well it seems that everything turned out okay. We both have good jobs and we've finally found each other again. Can we forget the past and start again?" He asked holding out his hand.

She placed her hand in his, "How can you learn from mistakes if you forget them?"

After dinner Ryan drove Sam home. Once they got there Sam said, "Want some coffee?" He nodded, switched off the engine and followed her into the house. While the kettle was boiling she showed him round her house.

"Nice place you have here."

"Thanks, I decorated it myself," she said, pouring the boiling water into two cups, "Milk and one sugar?" She asked handing him the cup.

"You remember?" He smiled.

"I made you enough." Thay sat on the couch, next to each other and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She closed her eyes as she took in his smell. He kissed her on the cheek and moved down to her neck.

"Ryan," she murmured.

"Don't say a word," he kissed her on the lips.

She pushed him away, "What are you doing?"

"What do you think?"

She stood up, "Not like this."

"Not like what?"

"It's been seven years."

"I thought we just had a great night?" He asked.

"We did. I just want to take it slow."

"Sure, if that's what you want."

"It is."

"I should go," he said getting to his feet, "Have a good night's sleep, Sammy."

"Night," she said and he kissed her on the cheek. She closed the door and leaned against it, 'what have I gotten myself into?' she wondered.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK END



Over the past month, Sam and Ryan had furthered their relationship. Sam thought back to memories of the time they had spent together, it took her away from the rest of the group and into sweet memories. She looked over at the other three. They almost looked comical with the scowls on their faces. Sam gave herself a little smile and looked down at her hand. She thought back to the other morning.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK



Ryan stormed round the corner and bumped into Sam.

"Slow down," Sam said smiling.

"Sorry," Ryan said letting out a deep breath.

"You've only been here twenty minutes and already you look as though you want to go home."

"That's not a bad idea, it would get me out of his hair."

"Whose?"

"The Colonel's"

"What happened now?" She asked. Ryan and Jack had clashed from the first moment that they had met.

"That arrogant man slamed right into me spilling coffee all over my clothes and proceded in blaming me." Ryan said as he began to wipe coffee off of his uniform. They walked to the locker rooms together, "It's like he hates me or something."

"It's not you. He's been like that with everyone, I'm sure he'll be back to himself soon."

"I thought this was himself."

"The Colonel just has some problems."

"Problems?" Ryan asked entering the locker room. Sam stood in the doorway as he walked over to his locker.

"Yeah. I should be getting to the briefing." she turned to leave but he grabbed her arm.

"You can't leave me hanging like that. If this guy's got a problem, I think I should know. Especially as I have to work with him." He said pulling on a clean T-shirt. Sam closed the locker room door and looked around her.

"His kid died about five years ago."

"Whoa, but you said his usual self."

"It was Charlie's birthday a month ago. We were on P9X28 and he told me about it. He blames himself."

"All parents blame themselves."

"He has a reason to." Ryan looked at her, "Charlie shot himself with Jack's gun."

Ryan raised his eyebrows and shook his head from side to side, "Poor guy. So does this mean he's married?"

"Was. They split up afterwards."

"Why tell you?"

"He needed someone to talk to."

"He seems to like talking to you," he said annoyed.

"What are you talking about?"

"You and the Colonel."

"We're friends, friends talk."

"Oh come on Sam, I've seen the way he looks at you. He can't keep his eyes off you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Oh come off it. You can't say you don't like him."

"Of course I like him. If I didn't like him it would make it pretty difficult to work with him." She shouted.

"You know what I mean." He fought to keep his anger under control.

"I love you Ryan. You, not the Colonel." she said calmer.

"Why don't I believe that?"

"I don't know, but I love you. How can I prove it?" She sighed.

"Marry me?" He asked.

"What?" She laughed slightly.

"Marry me. Then I'll know that it's me you love and not him."

She stared at him. She couldn't believe it. She loved Ryan but there was something between her and Jack. That relationship was hopeless. She had given Jack his chance and he hadn't taken it. He wasn't interested. "You asked me that before."

"And you said no, so I'm asking again. If you want to prove that you love me, marry me. Just make the commitment. You've always been afraid of commitment."

"I have not," she raised her voice.

"Then marry me."

"Fine I will. I'll marry you." she was shocked at her answer.

Ryan beamed like a chesire cat and hugged her tightly. "Here," he said grabbing something from his locker, "I kept it just in case."

He removed the ring and slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand. Sam looked down at it, then back at him and smiled. He brought his lips to hers as they savoured their first kiss as an engaged couple. They left the locker room hand in hand and she began to think it was a good idea. Marrying Ryan would help her forget Jack, she'd have her life with Ryan to think about. She could forget the pain she felt at not being with Jack and start a new life with Ryan. Her dreams could be filled with Ryan, not Jack and the next time that Ryan said 'You smile in your dreams,' she wouldn't feel guilty that her dreams weren't of him but of Jack instead.

They walked into the briefing room and SG-1 and the General were waiting for them.

"Captain, you're late," the General said.

"Sorry sir, but we were discussing something rather important, which is what we have to tell you." Sam said.

"We're engaged," Ryan said before Sam got the chance to. Daniel jumped up and hugged them both. The General also hugged her and she saw a slight smile on Teal'c's face. Jack was the last to congratulate her. She didn't think he would, but he hugged her and said, "Congratulations." He then kissed her on the cheek.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK END



She could still feel the light pressure of his lips on her cheek when she closed her eyes. She knew that it meant nothing to him and that it should mean nothing to her. It didn't though.



xxxxx



Teal'c stood in the middle of a large open area. Behind him was the Stargate and all of SG-1's gear. In front of him, about 150 metres, was Captain Samantha Carter who was collecting some samples. To Teal'c's right was Doctor Daniel Jackson, he was deciphering some symbols and to Teal'c's left was Colonel Jack O'Neill.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow as O'Neill stood and sat back down again a moment later. It was a pointless action. Then again a lot of what these human's did was pointless. As a Jaffa, Teal'c had begun his training at an early age. On that day he had become a man as he spent the rest of his life training to defend Apophis. Okay, so he no longer defended Apophis but he still used his training. Humans, however, spent their life having fun. This was a concept truly alien to the impassive Teal'c.

O'Neill was another puzzling matter. Over the past month he had become more irritable and moody. O'Neill had distanced himself from everyone but no-one had mentioned it. Teal'c had believed that this was because they had failed to realise it. He was now unsure of this idea. Both Captain Carter and Daniel Jackson had been present during O'Neill's verbal attack on Daniel Jackson. Teal'c had separated the warring pair and sent them to opposite sides of the gate. Carter had walked off to her surveying without uttering a word.

Teal'c was also curious as to the news of the previous day. He did not believe that Carter was in love with Major Eliot. Relationships were complicated on Earth, not like on Chulak. On Chulak, you found a mate and mated but on Earth there were rules as to with whom one could mate. Teal'c believed that it was one of these such rules that prevented both Carter and O'Neill from admitting the truth.

Maybe everyone was oblivious to the truth, maybe even Carter herself was unaware but O'Neill wasn't. Todays actions confirmed this thought to Teal'c. O'Neill was in love with Carter, but in believing that he had already lost, he would not tell her. Teal'c also believed that Carter was in love just not with her fiance. Teal'c knew from experience how it felt to lose loved ones. He had sacrificed his wife, son and his entire life to help these Tau'ri. He did not want either of his friends to experience this feeling so he decided he would do something about it once they got back to Earth.

After making this decision he turned and continued watching for any danger.



xxxxx



The shock hit Ryan full force. He hit the floor and heard nothing until her voice cut through. As he emerged through the black haze, pain shot through his body. He felt her hand on his face but couldn't make out the words, only ringing sounded through his head. He could see her. The look on her face was enough to tell him that it was hopeless, although nothing would stop her from saving him. She told him it would be alright, as sound returned. There was a buzz of distant noise but her voice was clear. He tried to speak.

"Leave me, Sam, let me go." He already knew what his fate would be, "Let me die," he repeated it over and over.

She hadn't listened. She had taken him back, pain shooting through his body. He was unable to move any further than a few millimeters. She had gotten him back to the familiar faces and places.

'She should have left me,' he had thought as relief had come through his body and he dropped into darkness.

When he had come to, she had been there. She had done everything for him over the next week. He couldn't take the way she had looked at him. When he had started his physiotherapy she had told him it would be alright, that everything would be fine. What did she know, he had often thought, she was the one who made him live like this, it was all her fault. And so he had told her. He had continuously told her that he blamed her, until she had finally left. She had walked out of his life just as he had wanted. Then after he had learnt to walk and use his prosthetic arm, he had regretted losing her. When his friends had died without telling each other how they felt, Ryan had realised that he had to find Sam.

He had written the fax and was about to send it when he decided that that wasn't the way to do it. So, he had gotten into his car and driven all through the night to get to her. She had been shocked to see him and telling her had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do. He had held her a long time as they cried into each others arms. They had spent the rest of the day together and he'd asked her to marry him. He had known that it was stupid, but he had had to ask it. He wasn't surprised when she had said no.

He saw her the next day in the infirmary at Cheyenne Mountain. He had been surprised to see her, but even more surprised at the other man in the room. There was something between the Colonel and Sam, Ryan had known it from the first time that he had seen them together. It was something unspoken. When she had agreed to go on a date with Ryan he had been overjoyed. Things were as he wanted them but he couldn't deny that there was something between Sam and her Colonel.

Ryan caught the Colonel looking at Sam too many times for his liking. He saw the way they talked, the way they smiled at each other, the way Jack was insanely jealous. Ryan had something the Colonel wanted and he taunted him with it. He constantly spoke of his dates with Sam when he knew the Colonel was there to hear. Including intimate details that Sam would kill him over. And then the Colonel had begun to distance himself from everyone, Ryan had nearly won.

When Sam had told him of the Colonel's 'problems', as she had put it, Ryan had had to smother a smile. His 'poor guy' remark was so fake. Jack had had a son. That meant a wife, but if there was a wife why did he look at Sam in the way he did? Simple, there was no wife. They had gotten into an argument and he decided he would get the one thing Jack could never obtain, Sam's hand in marriage. He had proposed and this time she had replied yes. She was Ryan's and the Colonel would never get her now.

He had watched SG-1 go through the gate and he envied Jack for one thing and one thing alone. That was that Jack got to go on missions with her while he had to remain here. But Ryan trusted her and he knew that the ring she wore on her finger meant something to her.

As her body had faded through the gate, Ryan had smirked. He had won.



xxxxx



They had shouted at each other, throwing insults back and forth. When Jack had shouted that he would kill Daniel, Teal'c had moved forward suggesting that they should sit down. Daniel knew he wouldn't win against Jack and had moved away to sit on a rock.

Jack continued to shout but they soon died down without Daniel. Daniel was also sure Teal'c's look had a lot to do with it too.

Daniel couldn't understand what had gotton into Jack since P9X28 Jack had been out of it. Not socialising with any of them and snapped at everyone frequently Daniel thought it had to do with Sam. Jack seemed to be keeping a distance from her. Daniel knew they had talked in the caves on P9X28 and had tried to speak with both of them though neither seemed helpful. He gussed it was the reason for Jack's mood, though Sam seemed happy, he couldn't blame her, she was in love.

He cared about Sam and didn't want to see her hurt by any guy, he had seen how Jack taunted her mind. Ryan seemed to be helping alot though. Considering they had gotton engaged the other morning, when they had told them Daniel had been overjoyed he was happy Sam was happy, she looked happy if the smile on her face was anything to go by.

He looked at her now off a short way, she seemed to be smiling even now. At least someone was happy, the look on Jack's face told him he'd rather be anywhere but here, though Daniel soon looked away when Jack caught him looking. Teal'c never looked happy, though that was just Teal'c and Daniel, Daniel got by. There had been atime where he was nothing then he'd found her, his life for that year had been wonderful he couldn't remember a better time. Though he'd soon lost her again. He would spend his life looking for her, he couldn't give up, he loved her to much. She was his life.

SG1 had helped him through and without them he wouldn't even be able to look for her. He had a lot to thank them for.

They were his family now. Though when he slept. he dream't of his other family and their wonderful time together. He though he should tell Sam to hold on to those she loved and saviour them. When they were gone, it was hard to get them back, he knew Jack and Teal'c would agree.

If only he could see her again, to hold her, to feel her against him.

He closed his eyes and thought one thought. Sha're.



xxxxx



What had he done? Jack asked himself again, simple you called her life insignificant and said you cared nothing about her.

You hurt her so badly she resorted to slapping you. If she wasn't so darned beautiful he'd have her on report, he thought.

Colonel Jack O'Neill was watching the others while he sat on a rock in his usual bad mood. He was normally slightly grumpy, but over the past month he had changed dramatically. His usual harmless sarcasm had been replaced by harmful comments. He had an even shorter fuse than usual and he took out his anger, over the smallest little thing, on everyone. He had gone into full command mode - twenty four hours and day. He spent his time on base as 'the Colonel' refusing to answer to anyone who called him Jack. He spent his time out of work on his own. He did not fraternise with anyone, spending his nights alone and moving further from his teams friendship.

The SG1 team were on a mission to a planet and they had only been there for ten minutes and he had already had an arguement. It had been with Daniel. Daniel had wanted to go and look at something but Jack had refused. The arguement had spiralled into name calling with both men acting the age of ten. Jack didn't even know why he was in this eternal bad mood. Yes, he did. It was her.

Her, the woman he had come to love with all of his heart, more than what he thought was possible after Sara but he had.

From the moment she had walked into his life four years ago there had been something there. Sure she had originally annoyed him due to her constant scientific ramblings but then he had got to know her. He had come to know her as the military officer on which he could depend and with trust his life. During the proceeding two years his feelings towards her had changed once more. She had become the woman of his dreams, his bestfriend, his future lover but she remained a Captain in the US air force. She was out of bounds, untouchable and he had respected that.

He hadn't wanted to but knew he had to. So when he had heard of her ex-lover coming back to town he had buried his jealousy.

Something had given him the encouragement to admit his feelings for her. He had gone to see her a month ago in the infirmary. He had wanted to tell her the truth about how deeply his feelings ran. He had approached and had began to speak when he had paused.

He had realised that the confession had to be sincere and that was hard for him as when he was sincere it still sounded like sarcasm. It was a good cover when trying to hide ones feelings but he hadn't wanted Sam to make light of the moment. Just as he been about to announce his gut-wrenching confession, the General had walked in.

For a moment Jack had been pleased that General Hammond had arrived. It had stopped him from making a possibly bad mistake and he decided that it must be fate. But then he realised who had followed the General in. It had been a new gate technician, by the name of Major Ryan Eliot. The name had been familiar and after looking at Sam the reason had become apparent - Ryan was the ex-lover.

Jack's heart had felt like it had been ripped from him through his chest. This pain had grown exponentially when he had seen them kissing in the lift and in defence he had been sarcastic. That sarcastic commemt was the first in many that were designed to hurt her. As Sam had gone on her date with Ryan but it had led to two, then three, then four and now... Well, now they weren't just dating - they were engaged. His Sam was engaged to the man he called the plague of his life. He remembered when Sam had told him the day before. He had been sat in the briefing room, with General Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel, awaiting Captain Carters arrival.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK



Sam had come waltzing in with Ryan close behind her, a big smile had been on her face.

"Captain, you're late" The General had said.

"Sorry Sir, but we were discussing something rather important, which is what we have to tell you"

"We're engaged" Ryan had said joyfully, grinning widly.

Daniel had jumped up in joy and hugged the happy couple. Jack had felt his heart being pulled out once more causing another scar. The General had hugged her, Teal'c had given a nod of his head and smiled slightly. Reluctantly Jack had stood up and walked over to her. Placing his arms around her, he hugged her close as if she was going to slip away now that she was engaged.

'She's already slipped away.' Jack had chided himself.

"Congratulations" He had whispered lightly into her ear.

"Thanks" she had replied.

Pulling back he had kissed her lightly on her cheek. Gingerly his lips haad touched her smooth cheek. The feel of her so close and of her skin beneath his lips had sent shivers down his spine.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK END



The memory of her silky skin and warm hands on his shoulders, still sent shivers down his spine.

He stood up as he shook his head. He had to get these thoughts out ofhis head. It had been bad enough for him to fantasize about his Captain before but now she was engaged.

"Engaged" Jack whispered in disbelief as he headed back to the team's equipment. He recieved a curious glance from Teal'c.

"I'm getting some water" He said. Teal'c was protecting Daniel from Jack's death threat. He hadn't mean't it. He would never harm Daniel physically he had just needed to let off some steam.

He looked around. Daniel was about 100 metres away examing some writing, Teal'c was stood in the middle keeping his eyes on Jack while also looking out for danger. Jack went back to sit down on his rock. He had nothing to do. He wasn't a scientist so he was mean't to be protecting his team. His thoughts were too preoccupied to focus on the task at hand though.

Jack's head jerked upwards as he awoke from his dream. In his dream he had told her but she had proclaimed her undying love for Ryan.

Why Ryan?

Why did it have to be someone that Jack knew? Why did it have to be someone that Jack had to see everyday? Why couldn't he be someone Jack had never seen before? Someone that Sam hadn't confided to Jack about. Sam had explained how Ryan had begged her to kill him and how he had hurt her. What did she do though? She had dated and then got engaged to him and Jack hated it. The rage that filled within him whenever he saw or even pictured Ryan in his mind was too much to bear. That was why Jack had distanced himself from those for whom he cared - he did not want to be hurt.

That didn't always work though.

Jack was now seriously considering leaving the stargate program. He needed a reason but none seemed right. He knew he had to do something to try and regain his life but he no linger saw the point. He had given up on life five years ago due to the death of his son and consequently he had lost his wife. Now as his life seemed over for a second time he had once again lost the woman that he loved.

He had to stop this. He had decided not to tell Sam so that she could be happy. Now that she was, he was not. That was why when she had come over that morning he had lied.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK



It was the morning after Ryan's appearance and he had been trying to sleep when someone had knocked on the door. Reluctantly, he had left his warm bed and, dressed only in his boxers, he had opened the door.

"Yeah, what?" He had said, wiping sleep from his eyes. He had looked up and seen her standing there, "Captain? What are you doing here?"

"Hi," she had looked up at him with those clear blue eyes, "Sorry to disturb you I didn't realise you were asleep, Colonel."

Too tired to use defensive sarcasm he had opened the door wider and said, "No it's fine. Is there something wrong?"

"No, I was just wondering what you were going to say." She had said walking in.

"Excuse me?" He had asked as he had followed her into the living room and sat down.

She had sat down as she had answered him, "In the infirmary you were going to say something when Ryan and the General walked in."

"Was I?" He had asked. He had spent the past few hours trying to think up an answer that did not reveal his true feelings. Then he had hoped she would simply suffer from short term memory loss.

"You said, 'I just want to say...' Sorry I was curious. You've probably forgotten now."

YES! His mind had screamed but when he had looked into her eyes he had realised that he could not lie to her, "Actually," he had said, "I do remember."

"Oh," had been her reply.

"So," he had said, trying to change the subject, "Did you finish giving Ryan the tour?"

"Yes," she had said not falling for it, "But, what was it that you were going to say?"

"I heard you agreed to the date," he had looked up at her and saw the frustration and anger on her face. He knew it was an old cliche but she really did look beautiful when angry. 'Get that thought out of your head, airman' he had thought to himself.

"It's just a catch up with an old friend, that's all."

"Oh," he had said trying to sound detached.

"Sir?" She had asked.

"What? Do you want a drink?" He had asked as he stood and walked out.

"Sure, thanks," had been her reply.

"What do you want?" He had shouted from the kitchen.

"Water will be fine," he had looked up to see her leaning against the door frame. Her arms had been crossed and she blocked his exit.

"Here you go," he had said handing her the drink. They had remained there for a while in a long silence. He had wanted to run but could not do it. His mind had been working double time trying to think of a way of getting out of this predicament. She had looked so beautiful. Her short blond hair, clear blue eyes and body that looked good in anything.

He had got bored and tried to move passed her. Her hand had risen placing itself firmly on his chest. His naked chest. The cold touch of her hand had sent shivers down his spine but he had blocked all emotion from his face. She had looked up at him forcefully and he had known that she meant business. Looking into her clear blue eyes he had felt himself slipping once more. Slipping into forbidden thoughts and dreams. He had been so close to her, to her lips. He had wanted, needed to touch her lips, to pull her close and let her know how he felt. Something had stopped him.

"What was the question again? I've had a long night."

"What were you going to say? The sentance started with, 'I just wanted to say...'" Her hand had remained on his chest.

That touch had made what he wanted to say hard, "I wanted to tell you that," he had paused still fighting an inner conflict, "I wanted to say that you, you should follow your heart. If that means dating Ryan - go for it - and if it doesn't then don't." His voice had gone quiet.

"Thanks," she had said in an equally quiet voice.

"Your welcome," his mind had gone blank. He had cleared his throat in an attempt to make it louder.

She had sipped her water and then said, "I should let you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." With a smile she had walked to the door.

"Yeah," his mind had only one thought in it, he wasn't just letting her walk out of his house, she was walking out of his life. He had followed her to the door where she had opened the door and handed him the glass.

"Did you manage to see the stars?"

"What? Oh, yeah, they were amazing." Images of Charlie, Sara and Sam had flashed through his head. Three things that he had lost and could not do anything to find.

"Good," she had replied as she moved in closer. Her lips had lightly touched his cheek as thousands more shivers had gone through him. She had turned and left.



//**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// //**// FLASHBACK END



Jack closed his eyes at the bitter sweet memory. Sam was happy, that was all that mattered now. He made a resolution on this alien planet, that he would get his life back. To do that he would have to apologise to Daniel. If Teal'c let him near. And apologise to Sam for the hurtful comments. Maybe getting over Sam would be easier than he thought, afterall where there's a will, there's a way.



xxxxx



The debriefing broke up and Sam collected her papers and walked out silently. Jack watched her leave and decided to start his new resolution now. Walking out of the room he shouted, "Captain, wait up."

She turned and he caught up with her, "Yes, sir?"

"I just wanted to say..." he started, realising that she was avoiding his eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm, um," this was harder than he thought, "I'm sorry," he mumbled under his breath.

"Pardon."

"You heard," he said. Even though she was looking at the floor he could see a flicker of disappointment on her face.

"No, I didn't."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Sorry for what?" She asked.

"You know what."

"No, I don't."

"You're going to make me beg aren't you?"

"Well, I'd like to see that, so yeah."

"Fine. I am sorry for what I said earlier, I am sorry for making you slap me, I'm sorry for my behaviour over the past month and I'm sorry for everything that is horrible in the world. Am I forgiven?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

She looked up at him and gave him a faint smile, "I know it's been hard on you so I'll let it pass just this once but don't shut your friends out, we're here to listen." After a seconds pause she said, "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slapped you, sir. It was way out of line."

"If I hadn't deserved it you'd be on report so be warned," he smiled and turned to leave.

She smiled at his remark and said, "Sir?"

He was a few paces away but he turned to look at her, "Yes, Captain?"

The words that she wanted to say stuck in her throat. She couldn't say them, "Nothing, sir," she mumbled.

"If you want to say something, say it. Or I could make it an order."

She smiled, the old Jack was back, "It's just nice to see the old Colonel back, that's all. I like him better."

Jack smiled in return, "He's here to stay," after a moments pause he said, "I better get going. She nodded. He turned and left. He walked off, shaking his head. He wanted to dismiss these feelings for her. He thought he could but it wasn't that easy and there was no point in running away from them.

Sam sighed as she watched him leave. She wanted to shout after him and tell him that she loved him. Her heart was torn between Jack and Ryan. She loved them both but one she loved more. He didn't love her though. Her best bet was Ryan and she would have to stay as Jack's silent admirer.

Teal'c watched this scene from afar. He saw Jack smile, the first non-sarcastic one for the past month. Teal'c realised that it was because of Sam. Maybe they did know about their feelings for each other and Teal'c would keep that secret for as long as it took.



The End.




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