~*~ If I ever needed you, I need you now
I can't remember when I've ever been so blue
If I ever needed love, I need it now
I feel so all alone I don't know what to do ~*~
***
Putting one foot in front of the other and concentrating on doing only that helped keep Sam's mind from revisiting the horrors they'd witnessed. Almost. The gently rolling hills and meadows they traversed making their way back to the Stargate offered little need for watching her footing. They walked along a dirt road that was dry from the heat of the season. Little puffs of dust rose from where she trod and from the footfalls of the colonel further ahead. Sand, stone, dirt, dust. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Oh no.
Despite her best efforts to block out the recent memories, it was as though the stark images were ingrained in her mind's eye.
Like a grotesque slideshow the sights passed before her again, one by one. The devastation. The butchery. The mutilations. The faces frozen in terror. The children.
Sam squeezed her eyes shut trying to block out what she was seeing and bit her lip to catch a whimper that was attempting an escape. When she opened her eyes again Jack had come to a stop so she halted as well. He turned and looked at her, assessing her with his sharp gaze. She returned his scrutiny with a level look, willing her eyes to not betray her fragile emotional state. They'd all been subdued since their startling discovery on the planet. But no one had asked for a pause in the day's travel to collect his thoughts, or to share them for that matter. She wasn't going to be the one to delay their return to the Stargate, even if all she really wanted to do was crumple to the ground, curl up into a ball and let loose a keening wail to help her forget.
Jack's eyes flickered from hers to Jonas and Teal'c who had come up behind them.
"This looks like as good a place as any to spend the night," Jack declared. "Let's make camp."
"Sir!" she protested. "There's still a couple hours of daylight left, at least. Shouldn't we keep going?" Couldn't they walk through the night so they could reach the Stargate and escape this place?
Jack shook his head and started to remove his gear. "We've still got a full day's walk ahead of us. We need to rest."
"No! We need to get home. We can make it."
Eyes widening in surprise stared at her as she gazed defiantly back. Jack opened his mouth, closed it again, shook his head slightly then ground out, "We're making camp, Major."
"Yes, sir!" Sam spat back, heaving her pack off and throwing it to the ground with unnecessary force. As suddenly as it had come about, her anger then dissipated.
She began tending to her own pack while Teal'c and Jonas each dealt with his own. As it had been for most of the afternoon, none of them spoke. Of course, her crazy outburst could also have had something to do with the silence. She gave a short bark of laughter, not caring that the others could hear. Dr. McKenzie was going to have a field day with her when they got back home.
Jack started a fire and Jonas took his turn attending to the dinner preparations. Teal'c looked like he was meditating. She sat on her bedroll and stared up at the clear, blue sky, taking some deep, calming breaths. The beauty of the evening belied the horrors that had occurred on the planet. It amazed her that the sky *could* still be such a brilliant blue, tinged with rose and lavender where the sun was slowly lowering itself on the horizon. How could the planet display such magnificence when its people had been slaughtered?
She shivered despite the warmth of the sun upon her and pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Something even more frightening than the carnage they'd seen was that they had no idea who, or what, had been the cause of all those poor people's deaths. The only clue left with which they might again recognize such perpetrators of evil was that the victims all bore identical wounds to their foreheads. The bloodied, oozing marks looked like points of entry from some awful weapon or, she shuddered, perhaps points of exit by...something.
A detached, rational part of her not governed by emotion thought a forensic team should be sent back to autopsy the remains of a subject. The fearful, traumatized, distraught rest of her screamed inwardly that no one else should have to witness the devastation of this planet's people. They should be left alone to rest, hopefully living on in another plane, in peace.
"Sam!" yelled a voice definitely within her own realm of existence. She was shaken from her thoughts and looked up at Jonas.
"Dinner's ready," he said in a calmer voice, his tone indicating his last call to her had not been his first.
It was on the tip of her tongue to say she wasn't hungry and as she opened her mouth to do so she noticed Jack watching her again with that astute gaze of his. Since she didn't feel like being on the receiving end of a lecture she snapped her mouth shut, rose and joined her teammates by the campfire.
In silence she began eating, forcing the rations past her lips. She wasn't interested in their traditional "guess what dinner really is" banter; it seemed no one else was either.
"Carter," Jack piped up suddenly. "What's going on with that thingy you brought back from P8R 348?"
Sam looked at him in surprise. He wanted a progress report *now*? Giving a halfhearted shrug she told him, "I'm running tests on it."
"Oh come on," Jack grumbled. "That's all you've got to say? You couldn't shut up about the darned thing a couple days ago."
Her eyes narrowed slightly. Jack was usually the first to run screaming from the room when she waxed scientific about something. Now he was encouraging her to babble on about it?
Maybe though, he just wanted to listen to talk that would glaze his eyes over, so that he could get his mind off of what they had witnessed today. If that were the case it wouldn't hurt to oblige him.
She rambled on about her latest project and found herself caught up in the details of it. Somewhere along the line she realized the talking had taken her mind off of other, undesirable thoughts.
By the time she wound down it was late enough to go to bed. She curled up in her bedroll and fell into an exhausted sleep.
The next thing Sam knew Jack had her by the shoulders and the sound of her screams was echoing in her head.
"Carter, it's all right. It's just a dream," Jack said, hauling her to a sitting position as she gasped for breath.
She stared mutely at him as she fought to separate reality from the images haunting her mind. Jack gazed back at her, the light from the planet's full twin moons making it easy to see the concern in his eyes. He waited patiently in silence for her to pull herself together. His hands kept their gentle yet secure hold on her.
Her dream had been about one of the children they'd found, a young girl. Sam had dreamed the child had been lying as they'd found her, her shattered little body giving evidence of the brutality she'd endured. In her dream Sam had turned to go when the girl suddenly opened her eyes and made contact with hers and began to cry out that she had to save her, that she had to stop the hurting. She--
Jerking herself away from Jack's light touch she scrambled clumsily to her feet. Her stomach heaved and her eyes pricked with tears. She didn't know if she was going to throw up or break down weeping but she was certain she wanted to do neither in front of her CO.
As she shuffled unsteadily out of the fire's ring of light she saw Jonas had awoken and was sitting up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Sam?" he called out in confusion, no doubt wondering what had transpired.
She definitely didn't want to fall apart having her whole team sitting around patting her hands in consolation. Regaining her equilibrium she strode faster away from the campsite.
"Hey Carter, wait a minute would you?" Jack was following her and she broke into a jog, swallowing to keep the tears at bay.
"Oh, for...Carter! Stop!" Jack called. If it was meant as an order it was one she disobeyed.
She dashed down a hillside, legs and arms pumping as she ran toward solitude. It was an elusive destination. Her pant legs became soaked as she splashed through a small creek. An innocent little girl's cries rang in her head. She went full tilt across an open field where the scent of some night blooming wildflower hung heavily in the air. The fragrance was not enough to dispel the stench of death. Sam skirted a copse of trees all the while pursued by Jack and her non-corporeal demons.
The living, breathing devil on her heels ultimately caught up with her. He reached out and grabbed hold of her arm to yank her to a stop. She twisted away from him and managed to trip herself up over her own feet and his. She went down with Jack crashing to the ground beside her.
His arms wrapped around her, doubtlessly trying to keep her from running again but she struggled nonetheless, trying to escape. They rolled over until he finally used his body to stop her, his full weight resting on her from above and pressing her into the damp earth below. Panting, they both stared at one another until with an urge she didn't quite understand Sam lifted her head to kiss him.
She felt his entire body freeze for just a moment until, with a soft shudder, he began to return her kiss. Their lips pressed together almost brutally while their tongues duelled for dominance, the contact between them complete and utterly arousing.
This was what she needed, Sam thought as she shifted in order to allow Jack's hand room to work its way beneath the hem of her T-shirt. The mindless feeling of losing herself in another person would allow her to forget the horrors she had seen that day, the slaughtered children, the little girl from her dream who had called out for Sam to save her...
She forcefully turned her mind from the memories and deliberately turned her attention back to the man who was currently pushing her jacket from her shoulders; his had already disappeared somewhere without her quite knowing how. She stripped Jack's T-shirt over his head before pulling his head down for a demanding kiss, her hands raking over the naked skin of his back with unrestrained emotion.
Craving more Sam arched into him, a motion he returned in kind. But he wasn't moving fast enough for her needs and so she deftly flipped them both over so that she was on top, straddling his waist. Uncaring of where or who they were, conveniently forgetting regulations, she reached for Jack's belt buckle. His hand covering hers and his soft voice calling her name made her pause and she stared at him in desire-soaked confusion as his words registered.
"Sam, stop."
Stop? Why on Earth would she want to do that? "Why?" she asked, rocking against him slightly. Sam watched his eyes flutter shut on a moan and it was only with obvious effort that he reopened them to focus on her.
"This isn't you, Sam. You analyze everything -- hell, you overanalyze. So I think that we should stop until I know you understand what we're about to do."
Sam sat perfectly still as she stared down at him, his hands gently running up and down her bare arms in an unconscious caress. Then her entire body sagged as his words sank in and she realized how close they'd come to--
She swore softly as Jack sat up, once more enfolding her in his welcome embrace and she dropped her forehead to rest against his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly.
"I'm not." He continued to stroke her back; his other arm was wrapped firmly around her waist. "You needed to get that out."
She did feel she'd gained a measure of relief, though images still haunted the recesses of her mind. Sam leaned back in his arms, studying the lines and details of his face. She was familiar with all of Jack's features, having often observed him during his unguarded moments.
She'd needed Jack tonight, she realized. Needed him so much and he'd been there for her. This mission had been one of the most despairing of her career but the horrors she'd seen on the planet would forever be overshadowed by memories of Jack and her together and feelings of...
Feelings of love she finally admitted to herself, quietly and happily. Her heart did a lazy little flip-flop at the thought.
"Thank you, Jack," she whispered.
He stiffened at the familiar use of his name, then relaxed again. Reaching out his hand to caress her face Jack smiled in return. "I don't think I can leave this in the room, Sam."
She covered his hand with her own. "Neither do I."
Or so she thought.
But things are always different in the cold light of day.
***
The End
Story Notes: Consumed By You - Email: vicki_james98@hotmail.com & the_fourth_dimension@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Lyrics used as preface are from I Need You Now by Eddie Fisher.
Spoilers: None
Status: Completed first story in the Consumed By You series.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Lyrics used as preface are from I Need You Now by Eddie Fisher.
Spoilers: None
Status: Completed first story in the Consumed By You series.
End Notes: Feedback is loved and cherished forever!
Coming soon: Consumed By You - Embers
Coming soon: Consumed By You - Embers
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]