Sam Carter stalked through the corridors of the SGC, bitter memories of the past few months invading her thoughts, causing her to clench her fists tightly by her side. "I’m back" he’d said. Oh, well then, everything was alright, wasn’t it. Sometimes that man could be so infuriating, sometimes she wished she could slap him and make him wake up to reality. I mean, first of all, he got stuck on the lovely planet Edorra with the even *lovelier * Laira and from what Sam could gather, they...she hadn’t even featured in his thoughts.
But she had thought about him every waking minute. She prayed every night he would be home soon and she had worked every second just to see his face again, those deep brown eyes that gave her that wonderful feeling in the pit of her stomach, his infectious grin that made her feel alive. His being away awakened something she’d kept buried deep inside for so long, made her realise something she’d been trying to hide for years now...she was head over heels in love with her CO. But when SG1 had arrived on Edorra, there was no heartbroken Jack, eager to return to the life he’d thought he’d lost forever...no...lo and behold, there he was fawning all over Laira and it was painfully obvious that they’d...well, that they were *closer than friends *. He never even said thank you, just walked past Sam like she didn’t even exist. And boy did that hurt.
And then of course he joined Maybourne’s very illegal, very covert group of thieves and *forgot * to tell anyone he was undercover. No, instead he decided to treat her like dirt, as usual, and completely ignore any attempts of help and concern for him. Oh, but he’s *back * now, so Sam could just forget all the hurt of the past months...not likely.
"Carter". It was him.
"Sir" Sam reply brightly, damned if she was gonna let him see how mad he made her.
"Listen Carter, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the past...eh...couple of months".
"Really sir, it’s not necessary". Yeah, like hell it’s not necessary you unappreciative, insensitive...
"No Carter I mean it, can we go somewhere to talk?" His eyes held a deep sincerity that she found difficult to refuse and so they made their way topside, somewhere they could get a little peace away from everyone. Sitting down on some rocks, he began.
"Carter, look, I realise that over the past few months I’ve been a bit of a...well an asshole really, especially to you. But Carter..." and he turned to face her, his heart thumping in his chest lest she refuse to accept his apology, his brown eyes looking so sad, so sorrowful "... I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Without you, I’d probably be dead by now and sometimes I forget to tell you that and I’m sorry".
"Thank you sir...and I accept your apology". O.K. so she was weak, she forgave him... but it really was hard not to when he looked at her with those deep brown eyes, eyes she could lose herself in fore...
"Good, now listen Carter" Jack interrupted her silent thoughts, his voice holding a new eagerness now that she’d forgiven him "Daniel, Teal’c and myself are going for a few drinks with a couple of the guys from SG-7 if you wanna come...it’s tequila slammer night". He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Sam couldn’t resist it.
"You’ve twisted my arm sir". ‘Hell, why not’, she thought with a slight smile, ‘I could do with a few drinks right now’.
*********************************************************************
After tequila slammer number 8, the room began to do the amazing spinning trick as Sam leaned giggling on Daniel’s shoulder, telling him about giant worms digging big holes across the galaxy. The familiar voice behind her made her stop what she was saying and turning haphazardly, she faced the bar.
"Carter, come over here and *hic * have another shlammer withsh me" Jack slurred, waving yet another tequila at Sam.
"On my way shir". Sam replied, staggering and swaying her way to the empty bar stool next to her very drunk CO.
"Ready Carter", he began as she grabbed the slammer from him "one, two, three" - and knocking them back, they laughed aloud, the alcohol taking immediate effect.
"Uh, guys?"
"Hey schpace monkey", Jack garbled almost incoherently, his eyes glazed over "you want some ‘quila?"
"No thanks Jack, I think you and Sam have that one licked so to speak". Teal’c and I are going to head home now, do you guys want a lift?"
"No way, plenty more drinking left in us yet, right Carter?" he replied, giving her a friendly punch in the arm causing her to sway unsteadily on the stool.
"Damn straight shir", she replied giggling. For the first time in ages, she was starting to enjoy herself and there was no way she wanted this night to end just yet, especially considering who she was with.
"O.K. then, but you guys take care".
"Night Danny boy, night Teal’c, hey Carter, where did the resht of the guysh go?"
"Uh, I think they left about a half hour ago", and with that they both convulsed into drunken laughter as Jack ordered two more tequila’s.
*********************************************************************
Giggling like two school kids in the back seat, the cab pulled silently up in front of his house, and waving a $10 bill at the driver, Jack drunkenly opened the door and held it for Sam.
"Hey Carter" he began, the cool evening air beginning to make him feel just a little more sober, "you wanna come in for a while, I think we might both be able to use a cup of coffee".
"Sure shir" Sam answered quickly, staggering slightly as she followed him up the steps to his house.
Managing to get the key into the lock, Jack swung the door open, Sam stumbling in behind him. As he fumbled for the light switch, Sam began to tentatively make her way down the few steps into his lounge, only to trip slightly on the last step. He came from nowhere, catching her before she fell, his arms wrapped around her waist to steady her, his eyes meeting hers for a moment.
"Careful Carter" he said, still holding her.
"Thanks sir". The moment seemed to last an eternity. Blue eyes locked with brown, a fiery passion suddenly replacing the drunken haze, Jack’s arms still tight about her waist. The atmosphere was electric, they were so close. Sam could feel Jacks breath on her lips, could feel his body pressing close to hers and the feeling sent a shiver through her entire body...she wanted him...and he wanted her.
Suddenly they were kissing passionately, tearing at each others clothes, desperate to be together, all the tension of the past few years coming to a head in one fiery, passionate moment. Breaking away from her lips, Jack blazed a trail of fervent kisses down Sam’s collarbone, making her moan with desire and need. Continuing his passion filled kisses, they moved towards his bedroom, clawing at each other like wild animals, clothes falling to the floor as they moved, each desperately wanting to be with the other.
As they reached his bed Sam pushed him down and clambered on top of him, wanting him, needing him as she ran her hands over his near naked body. He shifted slightly, moving so he was on top, his hands working magic on every part of Sam’s body and as their bodies started to move together, the ecstasy of their lovemaking made them forget it all, the rules, the regulations...the forbidden love.
*********************************************************************
The thumping headache was the first thing Sam felt as she woke up, squinting her eyes against the sunlight already streaming in the window...damn tequila slammers. The sudden realisation hit her like a sharp slap in the face and she closed her eyes momentarily...this was *not * her bed.
"Oh God" she proclaimed aloud, covering her eyes with her hand, the memories of the past night hitting her with the force of a freight train and as she turned, the memories became reality...he was there, fast asleep next to her. She’d done it...she’d actually done it...she’d slept with him, with her CO. A feeling of sheer confusion came over her. She was torn between a feeling of elation that the one thing she’d desired for the past four years had finally happened, and one of sadness that it had been nothing more than the result of a drunken binge.
Clambering out of the bed, Sam quickly gathered her scattered clothes and pulling them on hurriedly, she made her way silently to the door of the bedroom...she just couldn’t face him...was afraid to face him, afraid of what he’d say. His sleep filled voice stopped her dead in her tracks.
"Sam, where are you going?"
"Jack, I...I...thought I’d better leave" she babbled, losing all control of sense or reason.
"Sam, I think we need to talk about what happened...please?" His tone was tentative and worried, his eyes refusing to meet hers. Slowly, Sam returned to the bed and sat silently on the edge facing her CO, the man she’d spent the night making love to. Her stomach was in knots as she both feared and desired what he would say.
Sitting up in the bed, Jack glanced up at her. God she was beautiful, stunning, and God he would love nothing more than to grab her and kiss her passionately, make love to her all over again...but no...it wasn’t fair, not to her, not to this fantastic woman. He should never have let things go so far...and there was no way in hell he was gonna let her ruin her career and her life for him. Closing his eyes briefly, he ran one hand nervously through his hair, knowing in his heart that what he was about to say would hurt her so much...and would tear him in two.
"Sam, listen, last night was...was, well it was fantastic".
Her crystal blue eyes lit up momentarily, her heart pounding faster, a small smile playing on her lips, "I know, I feel the same Jack, I’m so..."
But he interrupted, knowing he had to, knowing this was the right thing to do...knowing it was gonna hurt like hell.
"But Sam, you know as well as I do that this can’t happen again. It was wrong, it’s against the regs, it was a...
"Mistake" she answered for him, spitting out the word, tears welling in her eyes as anger consumed her.
"Sam, I’m so sorry, I should never have let this happen, I..."
"Oh forget it *sir *. I should have known you’d use me once again...this really is turning into a pattern for you!" she roared, feeling like a complete idiot...how could she have trusted him?
"I didn’t use you Sam, I care about..." Jack tried, desperate to make her see why he had to do this, frantic in case he lost her for good this time. But it was no good. The tears fell freely down her face, the full impact of what had happened and how he felt overwhelming Sam, the sheer hurt devastating her.
"Well, how about we forget it ever happened sir," she sobbed bitterly "put it all down to experience and just get on with things, will that make you happy?"
"Sam wait", he pleaded, jumping out of the bed, a sheet wrapped loosely around him.
"Go to hell" she yelled before storming out of the bedroom, out the front door and out of Jack O’ Neill’s life.
*********************************************************************
The past couple of months had been pure hell for SG-1. The atmosphere was horribly strained and though they tried, Daniel and Teal’c could not restore the wonderful team dynamic that had made them so special. All they knew was that something happened between Sam and Jack that had changed their team for the worse and nothing they could do or say made any difference. The bickering was constant as Jack and his 2IC quarrelled, argued and literally bit each others heads off for the silliest little things. The wonderful flirting, the jokes, the closeness they had once shared was gone, replaced by two angry, hurt people each determined to upset the other as much as possible.
He tried to talk to her about that night so many times, but Sam just didn’t want to hear it, she still didn’t. He had gone to her lab, her quarters on the base, her house, desperate to make her listen to his reasons, make her see why he had to do it...but she refused every time. She just didn’t want to hear any more lame excuses or apologies from Jack O’ Neill...he’d hurt her for the last time and he’d never get close enough to do it again. And so she threw him out every time he came to her lab or her quarters and every time she did, Jack felt he died a little more, the pain and hurt engulfing him...and gradually he stopped trying. His pain over what had happened between them manifested itself as anger and so he started picking on her for every little thing...he couldn’t help it as hurt and confusion superseded all logic.
Jack slammed the door to his office shut and made his way sullenly to the briefing room. It was inevitable that General Hammond would notice the bad atmosphere that hung over what was once the best team on the base, would notice how they no longer worked well together. Oh yeah, Jack knew what *this* ‘urgent’ meeting was about and on entering the room he glanced around at the grim faces of his team-mates...this was not gonna be pleasant. Sighing heavily Jack took his place opposite Sam and risked a fleeting glance at her. Her eyes were downcast, focusing on the piece of paper in front of her on the desk...she wouldn’t even look at him and so Jack mirrored her actions, focusing all his attention downward. At least that way, no-one could see the raw pain flashing in his deep brown eyes.
"Do not think for one minute people that I am blind to what’s being going on here for the past few months" Hammond began, his tone irate and angry "and do not think for one *second* that I will not get to the bottom of this". All eyes were downcast now as SG1 sat like four children being scolded by an incensed parent, none willing to offer any explanation for what had gone wrong recently.
"However" General Hammond continued, his tone softening slightly "a more serious matter has come to my attention which must be dealt with as a matter of some urgency. Colonel O’ Neill, the Asgard have been in contact with me regarding a very serious breach of the treaty negotiated between earth and the system lords a year ago. It seems Kronos has secretly been plotting to launch an attack on the Earth, a direct violation of the treaty".
"After saving his sorry ass, the ungrateful little worm" Jack tried, desperate to even elicit the smallest smile from his team but failing miserably he turned his attention back to Hammond "so what part do I play in all this General?"
"I’m getting to that Colonel. The Asgard have asked that you specifically be the one to go with them to Kronos to try to find out what’s going on, to re-negotiate on earth’s behalf to try to prevent this attack".
"Or, we could just kick his goa’uld butt for breaking the treaty".
"That’s something the Asgard are trying to avoid Colonel. Kronos is very powerful and it is better for us all that he commit to the treaty than to launch an all out attack on him. The question is Colonel, are you willing to go with the Asgard. It’s a delicate operation and I can’t say for sure how long you’ll be gone...but it could be for some time".
At this, Sam’s head jerked up, her eyes flitting from Hammond to her CO. Surely not...he couldn’t leave again...not when things were like this.
Glancing around the table, Jack let his gaze rest on Sam, his brown eyes filled with pain and a deep sorrow meeting her crystal blue ones, filled with anguish and hurt. Taking a deep breath, Jack realised that he would be better off leaving...after all...out of sight, out of mind.
"Well General, doesn’t look like I have much of a choice does it? After all, the fate of earth lies with me...and those guys *do * like me". Glancing once more at Sam he turned back to General Hammond, his voice barely a whisper "Yeah, I’ll do it".
"Good Colonel. Major Carter, you will head SG-1 until the Colonel returns and you will have a temporary replacement by the end of next week. Maybe some time apart will help you realise what a damn good team you were. Dismissed".
*********************************************************************
The sweltering heat on P22X34 was really starting to get to Sam and as she fanned herself with her baseball cap she glanced around the desert planet at her team. Daniel was busy examining some dusty artefacts the MALP had discovered and Teal’c and the newest member of SG1, a brilliant scientist and outstanding soldier by the name of Captain Zack Peters, were deeply engaged in conversation as they scouted the area.
Sam sighed as she watched them, her thoughts a million miles away...thinking back, thinking about...him. She was trying to get on with her life as best she could, but things just weren’t the same. He’d been gone no more than two weeks and she was loathe to say it, but she missed him, she really missed him, even after all he’d done. They still hadn’t been speaking civilly the day he left and she remembered the dull ache in her chest as he shook her hand coldly, glancing from her face to the floor before turning and walking through the gate. And he was gone.
"Sam, come take a look at this" Daniel yelled, waving a hand in the air, startling Sam out of her silent reverie.
Shaking her head slightly, she breathed deeply, putting all thoughts of Jack O’ Neill to the back of her mind, "I’ll be right there," she shouted back making her way solemnly towards him. The feeling hit her suddenly, a weakness, a light-headed feeling and wham, next thing Sam knew, she was flat on her back, Daniel, Teal’c and Peters staring down worriedly at her.
"What the hell happened?" she muttered, desperately trying to struggle to her feet.
"I think you fainted Sam, how do you feel now?" Daniel asked worriedly, one hand protectively on her back, the other holding her arm to steady her.
"O.K. I think", Sam muttered, clutching her head.
"I think we should get you back to the SGC Major, let the doc take a look at you", Peters said worriedly.
"O.K.", was all she could muster, still feeling slightly weak "let’s go back". As they walked slowly back towards the gate, Sam felt stupid and embarrassed. She was supposed to be the head of this team, the leader...and fainting was *not* in her job description. Well, O.K., maybe exhaustion from the past few months *efforts* with Jack was a fairly good reason but still, she was supposed to be a soldier, the strong military leader of this team...fainting really was not an option.
The four emerged through the gate in the SGC, Teal’c holding one of Sam’s arms, Daniel the other and Peters followed behind carrying the supplies they’d brought with them. Hammond took one look at Sam’s pale face and immediately called for a medical team, which only succeeded in further compounding Sam’s embarrassment.
"I’m really alright General, I just blacked out for a couple of seconds that’s all" Sam desperately reasoned, genuinely feeling a little better.
"You’re coming straight to the infirmary with me" Janet proclaimed worriedly as she entered the gateroom and Sam knew she was well and truly beaten. Well, she might as well get this over and done with.
*********************************************************
Sam only barely listened as she followed Janet to the infirmary letting her friend’s lectures about lack of rest and lack of eating wash over her...could her life get any worse. She knew everything Janet said about taking care of herself was true but sometimes this little thing called Colonel Jack O’ Neill prevented her from doing that...and being truthful, she’d neither slept nor ate well since he’d gone away. All she seemed to do was think about him, worry about him, miss him...not that he deserved it.
"Well Sam, I’d like to run a few tests, check your blood pressure, heart rate, iron levels, that sort of thing and then I’m *ordering * you to take at least a weeks downtime, understood?" Janet said vehemently, worried for Sam as both her friend and her doctor.
"Sure Janet, whatever you say" Sam agreed half-heartedly. She really didn’t have the strength to argue right now and so simply sat quietly as Janet performed her tests. She was lost in her thoughts, when she suddenly realised that Janet had been gone for over 20 minutes. She frowned slightly...it didn’t take that long to get back a few test results...did it?
"Sam" Janet’s voice sounded strained and tense as she walked into the room, immediately sitting next to Sam on the bed, "I just got back your test results".
"Is something wrong Janet?" Sam questioned, the panic starting to rise in her throat...something was *definitely* wrong.
"Well, I’m not sure, you’ll have to tell me that" Janet said, biting her lower lip slightly.
"What on earth are you talking about Janet?"
"Sam...you’re pregnant".
Sam’s jaw dropped, her heart pounding, her mouth drying up as sheer panic overtook her. This could not be happening...it just could * not* be happening. Her thoughts immediately went back to the wonderful, passionate night she’d spent with Jack and the cold realisation hit her...in the heat of the moment...they’d never thought to use...oh hell!
"Sam". Janet’s voice is soft and comforting, "you wanna talk about it?"
"Oh Janet" was all Sam could muster before bursting into tears. Thank God it was just her and Janet in the usually busy infirmary.
"It’s alright" Janet soothed, wrapping her arm tight around Sam’s shoulders "it’s gonna be OK, I promise".
Sam shook her head, sobs wracking her body...how could it be OK...how could it *possibly* be OK? She was pregnant by her CO, who, incidentally, was halfway across the galaxy. God only knew when she’d see him again and even when he did come back, how could she possibly tell him? He’d thought the whole damn thing was a mistake.
"Sam, who’s the father?" The inevitable question.
Wiping the streaming tears from her cheek with the back of her hand, she looked into Janet’s eyes, eyes filled with genuine worry and concern and she knew she had to tell someone. She was sick of keeping this guilty little secret to herself.
"Jack" she whispered lowly, "Jack’s the father". And as Janet pulled her into a hug, Sam began to tell the sorry events of the past months.
As she finished, she let the tears flow freely again, "what am I gonna do Janet?" she sobbed.
Giving her shoulder a squeeze, Janet took a deep breath "it’s not too late for an...well, for a termination. My guess is, you’re only about two and a half months gone."
"I...I really need time to think about this Janet, it’s a big decision for me". And it was...the biggest of her life.
*********************************************************************
Sam hadn’t realised just how much she really needed to talk to someone about what happened and Janet had been wonderful, in fact she almost had Sam convinced that everything *would* be alright. Almost.
And so Sam sat at home, a mug of steaming hot coffee on the table, two weeks downtime ahead of her...time to think, to get herself together...and boy did she have some thinking to do. And top of her list was what the *hell * she was gonna do about this baby. It wasn’t like she could have this baby...right? It just was *not * the right time, it was a mistake, she just could not have this child. But even though reason and logic told her one thing, Sam just couldn’t help it, couldn’t help the warm, funny feeling inside when she thought about it. Her baby, Jack’s baby...their baby. And taking a sip of her coffee, Sam smiled, her first real smile in months as she realised that there was no way on earth she was getting rid of this child. She knew Jack thought this whole thing was a mistake, but she didn’t need him to do this, she could do this on her own, she could...and she would.
Thankfully, Janet promised she’d keep everything quiet till Sam had decided what to do but one thing she knew for sure, no-one, no-one apart from her could know it was Jack’s baby, for his sake as well as hers. She knew that as the commanding officer he’d be court-martialled and thrown off SG1 for good, hell, maybe even out of the SGC. But it was more than that and she knew it. She could just about stand him rejecting her, rejecting her feelings for him but one thing she knew she couldn’t stand was his rejection of this baby and so he would never know the child was his. It was the only way.
*********************************************************************
The months seemed to fly by and with each passing day, Sam felt stronger and even a little happier about the radical turn her life had taken. She still smiled as she remembered the looks on her friends faces when she’d told them her news, Daniel’s mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, Hammond’s worried expression and Teal’cs very raised eyebrow. They’d all been curious about who the father was and how she was gonna cope but Sam simply told them the father was an old flame and she would be raising this baby by herself...end of story. She felt bad lying to them but she knew it was something she had to do.
And then there was Jack. She still missed him...God but she wished every day things could be different. They hadn’t heard from him in four months and Sam was so scared, scared she would never see him again but terrified of what would happen if he returned. Sometimes she would lie awake at night feeling their baby kick away inside her and wonder how she would face him, how she would lie to him and tell him this child wasn’t his...and how she would lie to herself, telling herself she didn’t love and want this man. But he had hurt her so badly and she resigned herself to the fact that they would never be together.
And so she’d decided she needed to get away from it all for a while, leave this place and it’s memories behind, just for a little while, till the baby was born.
"Come in" Hammonds southern drawl beckoned as she rapped lightly on his office door.
"Hi sir, just wondered if I could have a word," Sam said with a smile, trying to manoeuvre the bulk that came with being seven months pregnant into a chair.
"Of course Major" Hammond said smiling back.
Finally settling herself Sam began, "Sir, I’ve been thinking of going to see my Dad for a while, just till the baby is born. I’ve been stuck in my lab for the past month and a half and well sir, it’s kinda starting to get to me and I’d love for Dad to spend some time with the baby before the Tok’ra move off again".
"Of course Major, I think that’s a good idea and if I know Jacob, he’ll be delighted to have his daughter and his grandbaby to himself for a while" Hammond said with a small grin, knowing full well that Sam was getting well and truly sick of being stuck in her lab, missing the thrill of travelling with SG1.
"I’d like to leave tomorrow morning sir, if that’s OK. I’ve been to see Janet and she sees no problem with me travelling through the gate so I should be fine and I really am looking forward to seeing Dad again".
Hammond nodded his agreement and went to help Sam up from the chair "just make sure you take care of yourself Sam".
"I will sir, and thank you for everything" Sam replied, stopping before she left the room. "I was just wondering sir, well...I...have you heard anything from Colonel O’ Neill yet?" Her eyes filled with an uncontrollable sadness as she asked the question, a sadness that Hammond couldn’t miss.
"I’m sorry Sam," he said shaking his head "we’ve heard nothing yet...but I’m sure the negotiations won’t last much longer". He hoped his tone sounded more convincing than he felt because he knew in his own heart that Jack had been gone a lot longer than expected.
"I’m sure sir" Sam said with a small smile that didn’t quite make it to her once laughing eyes "thanks again".
****************************************************
Sam stood at the foot of the gate ramp, tears already welling as she said goodbye to her friends, her memories...at least for a few months. Daniel engulfed her in a bear hug and told her emphatically to take care of both herself and the baby and to come back soon while Teal’c, stoic as ever extended his hand and told her how much she would be missed at the SGC. Hammond warned her to look after herself and Janet had looked at her knowingly and with a concerned look in her eyes, and told her she would be right here anytime Sam needed her.
She couldn’t help but smile at her friends concern for her and her well-being and she knew she would miss them terribly, but everything at the SGC held some memory of Jack and it was that she needed to get away from for a while.
"You about ready to go sweetheart?" her father asked, extending a hand to her.
Smiling once more at her friends, she took her fathers hand and with one last wave, disappeared through the iridescent event horizon.
******************************************************
"Incoming wormhole" the young technician yelled as the stargate whirred to life. Daniel and Teal’c were by his side in seconds followed closely by General Hammond, when smiling suddenly the young man looked from the computer to Hammond, "it’s SG1’s iris code sir".
Daniel and Teal’c bolted immediately to the gateroom and were impatiently waiting at the base of the ramp as the seventh symbol locked and the great blue light shot out towards them. Settling back into the huge ring, it took only seconds for a familiar figure to appear at the top of the ramp, a huge grin on his face as he glanced at his surroundings.
"I’m back," he said with a conspiratorial wink before moving down the ramp and giving Daniel a quick hug and Teal’c an affectionate pat on the arm.
"Welcome home Jack" a beaming Hammond called from the gateroom, "it’s good to have you back. I take it the negotiations have been successful?"
"Good to be home sir and yes, we kicked that goa’uld’s butt back into line" Jack replied looking behind Daniel to Teal’c, scanning the familiar faces of the fast filling gateroom. "Jack, where have you been. You haven’t been in contact for months...we thought you’d been..." Daniel began.
"Where’s Carter?" he interrupted, his eyes narrowing as he failed to find her crystal blue eyes among the welcoming party that had gathered.
Daniel and Teal’c glanced nervously at each other before Teal’c took the plunge and broke the news to the now impatient and highly agitated Jack.
"Major Carter has temporarily left the SGC".
"What the hell do you mean *left*?" Jack asked abruptly.
"Uh, Jack, Sam left about two weeks ago to stay with her Dad, just for a while, a few months tops. She...uh...she said something about needing to go...I..."
"What is going on here Daniel?"
Before Daniel could think of an answer, General Hammond entered the gateroom, still smiling and shook Jack vigorously by the hand.
"Congratulations Colonel and now I’d like to have a full debriefing as soon as you’re refreshed and ready" he said, leading Jack through the throng of well-wishers towards the door of the gateroom.
"So would I" Jack muttered, his heart racing, still unnerved at Sam’s absence "so would I".
**************************************************
Jack quickly dressed after his shower and sat on the locker room benches, running a towel over his wet hair, his mind a whirr as he tried to take in the fact that Sam was no longer here. He desperately needed to talk to her, make her see just how sorry he was. In all the months he’d been away she was all he’d thought about and as time ticked by he realised that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life pushing her away and he couldn’t even get in touch to tell her he was OK, never mind apologise for his behaviour before he left. Thor had tried to explain that communication with earth would be impossible where they were going but all his scientific mumbo-jumbo had amounted to one thing in Jack’s mind...he couldn’t contact Sam. And now, now he was back and he wanted so badly to be back in Sam’s life...and for good this time and yet he still couldn’t talk to her, see her. Damnit, why the hell had she gone to those smarmy Tok’ra anyway?
Throwing the towel down on the bench he ran a hand through his damp hair and made his way through the corridors of well-wishers and congratulations to General Hammonds office, determined to convince him that he needed to go to Sam and he needed to go now.
"Jack, come on in" Hammond beckoned smiling as Jack knocked and pushed the door ajar "you’re early for the debriefing, it’s not for another 3 hours".
"I know sir" Jack replied, his face in a tight grimace, "but I have a request sir...a favour to ask I guess." His tone was solemn, his eyes holding that same sadness Sam’s had before she left.
"Certainly Jack, what can I do?"
"Sir...I want to see Carter...I need to speak to her sir...I..."
"You do realise she’s only gone temporarily Jack, she’ll be back here in a few months or so...what’s the urgency?"
"Sir, I...I’ve been thinking...it’s all I’ve done since I left, and I realise that I said and did some things before I left that hurt and upset Carter and I...if I could just talk to her sir, I really think I could get things back on track." His voice held a pleading tone and Hammond knew Jack felt strongly about this, a determined look glinting in his eyes. "Sir, I don’t mean to push, but I think I deserve this...I’ve been gone the past 4 months saving this planet again and I’m asking you for this favour...please tell me where she’s gone and let me go talk to her, please".
Hammond looked down at his desk for a moment, trying to work out why Jack was so desperate to talk to Sam...but hell, no matter what the reason, his 2IC was right...he did deserve that much after all he’d done for earth yet again. Glancing back up at Jack he suddenly realised that the man had no idea Sam had been expecting when she left.
"Alright Jack, alright, you have my permission to go to the Tok’ra planet until tomorrow morning and then I want you back here for a full debriefing..."
Jack’s face broke into a smile, his eyes sparking to life "Thank you so much sir, I really..."
"Just a second Jack, I think there’s something you need to know about Major Carter before you go. About a month after you..." he began before being interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone on his desk.
"I’m sorry Jack, one moment" Hammond said, picking up the phone "yes Major Davis, what can I do for you?"
Assuming he had clearance to go, Jack decided that he just couldn’t wait any longer and so with a small wave he left the General’s office, ignoring his commanding officers shouts for him to wait a moment and making his way to his quarters he grabbed a still packed bag and within minutes was standing in the gateroom in front of the active stargate. This was it, he was gonna make up for it all, make her see how much he cared for her...how much he loved her.
********************************************************
Sam sat on one of the long, high rocks that jutted out of the sandy landscape, gazing up at the two beautiful setting suns that bathed the planet in a warm glow. Closing her eyes she let the last of the sunlight warm her entire body and placing a hand protectively on her stomach, she let her thoughts filter to the one person she thought about constantly...Jack. Where was he? Was he OK? Did he think about her like she thought about him, every waking minute?
"Samantha, how are you feeling?" the familiar voice behind her startled her, dispelling momentarily her unwavering thoughts of Jack.
"Hi Martouf...I’m fine, just thinking, that’s all".
"About Colonel O’ Neill?" he said smiling softly at her. He had guessed from the start who the father of Sam’s baby was but it had remained an unspoken knowledge and for that she had been grateful. "I brought you this" he said, quickly changing the subject lest she feel uncomfortable, "the evenings can get quite cold here".
"Thank you" Sam said simply taking the sweater Martouf offered her and putting it on. She smiled at him gratefully. He’d been a rock of friendship since she’d arrived, looking out for her, making sure she was alright or simply listening to her if she needed to talk, "thanks for everything".
"It is my pleasure Samantha" he replied, taking her hand lightly in his own.
Squeezing his hand, Sam shifted herself uncomfortably on her perch, trying to find one position she could sit in that wasn’t awkward for her.
"Samantha, are you unwell?" Martouf asked worriedly, his hand still holding hers, the other rubbing her back as she settled herself in the least uncomfortable position,
"I’m fine, honestly Martouf...oooooohhh, I think this baby could be kickboxing champ of the world" she said with a laugh as the baby began to kick determinedly "here, feel this". Grabbing Martouf’s free hand she placed it on her growing bump, letting him feel the life she carried. Neither saw the solitary figure standing behind them, nor the look of sheer agony that crossed his face as he witnessed the sight before him.
Jack had arrived only moments earlier and had been immediately greeted by Jacob and two of the Tok’ra. Desperate to talk to Sam, Jacob had lead him to where she often went to think, to escape, and on seeing Sam was there had left Jack alone. The nervous excitement Jack had felt at seeing her again was dispelled immediately as he struggled to take in the sight before him. Sam...his Sam...his wonderful, beautiful Sam, the woman he loved more than life itself, was pregnant...and judging by the way Martouf held her, stroked her stomach, caressed her hand, it was crystal clear to Jack who the father was and in that moment a raw pain overwhelmed him, making him gasp aloud.
Startled by the noise, Sam and Martouf broke apart slightly, glancing around the desert planet for the source of the sound. The sight of the familiar figure standing nearby, watching them, made Sam pale, her eyes widening with shock.
"Oh my God" she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth as reality hit her, "Jack". He was here, he was actually here and she could barely control the flood of emotions that hit her in those few seconds; relief, love, fear, longing, guilt...and as he began to move towards them she stood to greet him, her shaking knees barely supporting her. "Jack" she murmured again as he came into earshot, "oh Jack". But there was no heartfelt embrace as he stood before her, just an expression of sheer disbelief and an indescribable look of pain in his deep brown eyes. He couldn’t even speak, just stared at her, stared at the reality before him...stared at the life he could now never have. Her eyes gazed sorrowfully into his, willing him, pleading with him to say something to her, anything...but what could he say, what could he possibly say? She looked even more beautiful than he remembered and he realised that all he wanted to do was take this wonderful woman in his arms and love her forever...and it tore him apart that he could never do it.
"Jack, say something, please" she begged in a soft tone, desperate for him to speak to her, to let her know what he was thinking.
Glancing at Martouf standing protectively at Sam’s right shoulder he felt a surge of anger for them both...Sam, his beautiful Sam was Martouf’s now, she was having his baby, they would be a family and Jack knew if he didn’t leave now he’d end up doing something he’d regret.
"There’s nothing to say" he whispered, unshed tears beginning to break through his tough military exterior and turning he quickly walked back towards the stargate, as far away from this heartache as he could get.
"Jack, wait...please Jack" she shouted after him, imploring with him to stay but he just kept his head down, swiping angrily at the stray tears the fell uncontrollably down his cheek. Her hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks, making him spin to face her the anger and pain in his eyes clearly evident.
"Sam, just let me go...now" he said angrily, the hurt in his voice making her wince. He was so angry with her, with that smarmy tok’ra but most of all with himself...he’d pushed her away, hurt her so much and it was payback time...and payback was definitely a bitch.
"No Jack. What the hell is going on? Where have you been? When did you get back?"
"What do you care?" he growled bitterly, glaring at Martouf who stood a safe distance away, watching suspiciously and lowering his voice he hissed, "you obviously didn’t wait very long".
"And just what the *hell* is that supposed to mean" Sam yelled back, anger begin to rise inside her at his harsh words "You were the one who walked out of *my* life...you pushed me away...how *dare* you blame me for this!"
"Look Sam, this time I’m walking and I’m walking out of your life for good. I’m not gonna hang around and watch you play happy families with lover-boy there" and trying to lower his voice again he whispered bitterly "For God’s sake Sam, you’re having his baby".
At his words, her eyes widened in shock and her mouth fell open, her hands automatically covering her swollen stomach protectively, her baby kicking against them "That is *none * of your business" she yelled, enraged that he had automatically jumped to such a conclusion.
"You’re right...it’s none of my business who you screw anymore".
The sharp slap across his face startled him and he raised his hand to his stinging cheek, knowing full well that he deserved that and a lot more...but he couldn’t help the bitter words, his heart breaking as he saw Sam, the woman he truly loved slip away from him forever.
"How *dare* you, how dare *you* say that to me, you arrogant, self-absorbed, selfish..." she roared before Martouf intervened, placing a comforting hand on her back.
"It is alright Samantha, do not upset yourself" he soothed, stroking her arm with his other hand and glaring at Jack he growled, "Colonel O’ Neill was just leaving".
"Don’t you tell me what to do you slimy little worm" Jack yelled, inches away from hitting Martouf square across the jaw "I will go when I’m good and ready, you hear me?"
Stepping away from Sam, Martouf squared up to Jack defiantly, his eyes flashing with anger "You are upsetting Samantha and it would be best if you leave right now, we no longer want you here".
"Why you slimy, ignorant little..."
Jacks insults were interrupted by an agonised yell from behind Martouf and as both men turned Jack paled at the sight in front of him, his stomach heaving with sheer terror. Sam was doubled over, almost on her knees, desperately clutching at her abdomen, her face contorted in obvious pain, one hand outstretched frantically grasping at air.
"Sam!" Jack yelled, pushing a stunned Martouf out of the way and running to her side, his arm immediately around her back, the other helping her to straighten up as much as she could. The tears fell fast down her face and onto Jack’s hand as she clutched it desperately.
"Oh God Jack, something’s wrong...it’s too soon...something’s wrong" she cried frantically, an intensely overwhelming pain gripping her again.
Jack stroked her hair lovingly "I’m so sorry Sam, I’m so sorry" was all he could manage before Martouf interrupted.
"We must get you to the Tok’ra tunnels immediately" he said worriedly as he raised his hand and as the five transporter rings engulfed them he knew in his heart they had to work fast or they could lose Sam and the baby.
******************************
Sam clutched desperately at Jack’s hand as the incredible pain overwhelmed her again and she felt a deep-rooted fear for her baby’s life, knowing it was too soon, knowing something wasn’t right. She lay on the hard bed in the middle of one of the crystalline alcoves the Tok’ra had created, tears flowing freely down her face...why did this have to happen to her, she wanted this little one so much...she couldn’t lose this baby, not now.
"Sam, it’s gonna be OK, I promise" Jack said sorrowfully. Damnit, if he hadn’t got so worked up, so damn jealous maybe this wouldn’t have happened...why did he have to keep doing this to her, hurting her?
"Where’s Martouf?" she said through clenched teeth, beads of sweat forming on her forehead.
Sam’s mention of the Tok’ra’s name caused another surge of jealousy that Jack immediately struggled to repress. He had to control this, for Sam’s sake...she needed him now, she may not want him, but she needed him to be here...and he was not gonna leave her.
"He’s gone to find someone to help" Jack soothed, stroking her cheek gently, tears forming uncontrollably again.
She looked up into his deep brown eyes and saw a mixture of love and pain and covering his hand with her own she whispered fearfully, "Jack, don’t leave me...please, I’m so scared".
"Never" he said softly, his voice breaking with emotion.
"Sammie" the familiar voice interrupted suddenly "Oh God baby".
"Dad" she sobbed letting his strong arms surround her, letting him take away some of the fear.
Martouf stood worriedly in the entrance of the alcove, beckoning to Jack to come and join him and judging by the expression on his face, Jack knew it was not good news. Reluctantly he left Sam’s side, the feeling of sheer panic begin to rise in his stomach.
"What’s going on?" he asked frowning, knowing in his heart it was not good.
"Shalia and Malkesh are the most knowledgeable Tok’ra in such matters as these" Martouf explained "but Selmak just informed me they have been sent undercover on a mission of some urgency involving the goa’uld. We have sent some of our people back to earth through your stargate to retrieve Dr. Fraiser...but I fear Colonel...she may be too late".
The agonised scream pierced the air as a wave of pain engulfed Sam again and Jack was by her side again within seconds.
"Martouf, we *have* to do something Goddamnit" Jacob roared desperate to ease Sam’s intense suffering, "because this baby is coming whether we like it or not".
"Nooooooooo! Please...No!" Sam cried out loud, gripping her fathers hand in terror "it’s not time, it’s too soon".
"Everything’s gonna be fine baby...we’ll make sure it is...OK...now breathe with me Sammie, come on" Jacob said steadily trying to calm Sam down as much as possible because it was becoming painfully obvious that this baby was gonna be here in a matter of minutes.
"He’s right Sam" Jack soothed, immediately returning to her side, holding her other hand, willing her to stay calm. His stomach churned as he looked at her beautiful face, contorted in pain and fear and it tore him apart that he couldn’t help her, couldn’t take away her suffering.
"The baby’s head is crowning" Martouf shouted as he held it’s little head steady.
"OK Sammie, you gotta push for me baby, you hear me, push with all your might" Jacob encouraged, still gripping his daughters hand and Sam pushed with all she had, praying her baby would survive this.
"And again Sam, you can do this" Jack whispered into her ear. Sam pushed again as hard as she could, sweat running down her forehead.
"The baby is here" Martouf said smiling before stopping..."No, oh no" Martouf whispered suddenly, his face paling as he spoke "the cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck". Jack rushed to his side and saw that the cord was wrapped tightly around the baby, cutting off it’s breathing and as he stared he simply acted without thinking. Placing two fingers between the cord and the baby’s neck he loosened it as best he could, before quickly and carefully unravelling it, massaging the little chest as he worked. Suddenly a loud wailing erupted as the baby began to take its first gasps of breath.
"Oh thank God" Jacob breathed, momentarily burying his face in his daughters shoulder.
"It’s a baby girl Sam" Jack said quietly, sweat running down his own face, his heart still racing in his chest at what had just happened. Martouf wrapped the baby and laid her on Sam’s chest, replacing Jack at her side, stroking her damp hair back from her face.
"She’s so beautiful," Sam cried as she gazed at her new infant.
"Just like her mother" Martouf responded, kissing Sam on the forehead...and that was all Jack needed to see. The relief and elation he’d felt at seeing the baby born safely was replaced with the same agonising realisation that this was Sam’s new life, this beautiful baby girl...and Martouf; and it was a life he’d lost because of his own stupidity. Sam gazed up at him, her crystal blue eyes dancing with happiness, locking with his own dark brown ones, eyes that held such a sadness it was almost incomprehensible.
"You wanna hold her?" Sam asked softly, her baby moving slightly in her arms.
Jack held the gaze of the woman he loved and sighed involuntarily, knowing that holding the beautiful baby that lay asleep in her arms...hers and Martouf’s...would kill him inside...and he knew he had to get away as soon as possible.
"Eh...I don’t think so Sam...thanks. I think I should probably go now...give you guys time alone" he said sharply and turning he walked out into one of the long, glistening crystalline tunnels and pressing his back up against one of the walls he covered his face with his hands as the tears began to flow freely. She was gone for good now...would never be his.
"Colonel O’Neill!" The tone was harsh and laced with anger and Jack quickly turned his back, brushing the tears from his damp cheeks.
"What the hell do you want Martouf?" he asked roughly, his anger for the man welling again.
"I have come to ask you to return to Sam".
"Yeah, well, I don’t think so at the moment Marty, sorry" Jack shouted sarcastically...why couldn’t this guy just leave him alone?
"You have upset her Colonel O’Neill and I feel she will be more upset if you do not return" Marty said, anger flashing in his clear blue eyes.
"Well, I don’t really care" Jack lied "and I’d appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my life thank you very much".
"If it were up to me, I would not let you near Samantha" Martouf spat back viciously "you do not deserve to see her"
"Why you slimy, smarmy, piece of crap!" Jack roared, his fists clenched in sheer anger, ready to well and truly punch the smart-assed Tok’ra in the jaw.
"The only reason I am here Colonel is to inform you that Samantha wishes to see you...now...will you return?"
At the realisation that Sam had actually asked for him to return, Jack’s anger melted a little and taking a deep breath to calm himself he simply brushed roughly past Martouf and back to where Sam still lay on the bed cradling her newborn daughter.
"Sam?" he said softly, the sight of Sam and the baby breaking his heart all over again.
"Jack, you came back" she smiled a little as he stood in front of her before turning to look at her father "Dad, Martouf, would you give us a couple of minutes...please?"
Martouf simply nodded and left while Jacob stroked his daughters cheek, a large smile on his face..."sure baby" he said "Janet should be here any minute anyway to take this little one to the infirmary" and kissing the baby’s head he turned and followed Martouf to the corridor.
Alone in the room, their eyes were drawn to each other instantly, both losing themselves in the other.
"Jack" Sam said softly "would you like to hold her now?"
"Oh Sam" Jack said sorrowfully as he moved to her side "I can’t, don’t you see that...I just can’t"
"But why?" she asked, her large blue eyes opening in surprise.
"Because Sam, if I hold her, I’ll never want to let her go...or let you go. Seeing you with Martouf and the baby made me realise that I’d lost you, lost you for good...you guys are a family now and....and...it’s...it’s killing me Sam".
"Oh Jack," she said, tears springing to her eyes as he spoke.
"I’m so sorry for upsetting you Sam and I blame myself totally for everything...I’ve been a bastard for the past year and no-one could put up with that. I just kept pushing you away, every time we got close, I pushed and I should have known that one day you wouldn’t come back to me. But Sam, all the time I was away, I thought of no-one but you, nothing but us and how I was gonna make everything up to you when I got back, how much I wanted to be with you and only you forever...but it’s too late...and it’s breaking my heart". Tears were forming in his own eyes now as he stroked her forehead, never breaking his gaze, "I love you Sam, I’ll love you forever and you deserve the wonderful life you have ahead of you...you and your beautiful daughter".
The tears feel freely down Sam’s cheeks at his words and she realised that she could never deceive him...her future was with him and it always would be.
"Jack, I want you to take this little one" Sam said, smiling softly through her tears.
"I just told you I can’t Sam...why do you want me to...why?"
"Because Jack, I think it’s about time you got to know your daughter".
Jack’s eyes opened wide, his mouth opening and closing involuntarily, his mind a whirr of confusion, his heart thumping in his chest at her words...his daughter...*his* daughter".
"Sam...what are you saying...do you mean...?" he managed to splutter.
"Yes Jack...she’s your baby...our baby..." she whispered softly.
Speechless, Jack reached out and took the tiny baby from Sam, and cradling her in his arms, he was overwhelmed by the love he felt for this little one, his baby daughter...she was really his. Tears began to spill down his own cheeks as he stroked her little cheek, mesmerised by her...she was his second chance. And looking from his daughter to Sam he felt his heart could burst with love and pride...this time he would make no mistakes...forget rules and regs, forget the past...he couldn’t live without this fantastic woman any longer. Carefully holding his baby in one arm he gently bent his head and kissed Sam softly on the lips before deepening the kiss, savouring the sweet fantastic feel of her beautiful lips on his, filling him with a warm glow, a feeling he thought he would never have again.
Breaking the kiss Sam looked into his eyes, her heart racing, every part of her body tingling with that same warm glow "I love you too Jack...so much".
"Marry me Sam" he said simply "let me make you and our daughter happy for the rest of our lives...and make me the happiest man alive...say yes...please".
"Yes Jack...yes, yes, yes" and as their daughter gurgled in her fathers arms, Jack bent his head and kissed her softly, knowing in his heart that their lives were only beginning.
**************************
The End
Story Notes: EMAIL: amariedixon@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: S/J, UST/R
SPOILERS: 100 days, Shades of Grey
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship, some sexual references.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack and anyone else who wants it, just ask.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, this has been sitting on my puter now for a while so hell, thought I better up and post itJ Thanks to all my fantastic friends on AIM for all their help and support: Linz, Stu, Flo, Mel, Sonya, AJ, Alex, Ann, Efrat, Gary, Little Miss, Angel and Peps. You guys are the best. And of course, to my fantastic beta reader Dustdevil for all her help with this fic. As always, this story wouldn’t exist without her so mucho thanks.
CATEGORY: S/J, UST/R
SPOILERS: 100 days, Shades of Grey
CONTENT WARNINGS: male/female relationship, some sexual references.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack and anyone else who wants it, just ask.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, this has been sitting on my puter now for a while so hell, thought I better up and post itJ Thanks to all my fantastic friends on AIM for all their help and support: Linz, Stu, Flo, Mel, Sonya, AJ, Alex, Ann, Efrat, Gary, Little Miss, Angel and Peps. You guys are the best. And of course, to my fantastic beta reader Dustdevil for all her help with this fic. As always, this story wouldn’t exist without her so mucho thanks.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]