There was no choice. He couldn't take the risk of the infection spreading to one of the others. He knew they'd be careful, but if one of them got a bite of that cake... So he made them leave. He made them promise to come back with a cure, although in his heart of hearts he knew that wouldn't happen. He had to give them hope though, or they'd insist on staying with him, putting themselves in danger, and he couldn't bear that.
It had been hard saying goodbye though, especially to Sam. Sam. He could see by her face that she was desperate to stay. He had thought for a moment that she would refuse to go, but she always obeyed orders (well, almost always) and she went. He missed her, but he was thankful she had gone. If she had been infected and started to age and die before his eyes, it would have been more than he could bear...
Besides, she was his best hope. He had come to respect her greatly as a scientist. He ussually didn't know what she was talking about most of the time, but Daniel did, and he thought she was brilliant, and that was enough for Jack. He also knew Sam would fight like a tiger to save him. She wouldn't sleep, eat or rest till she had solved the problem.
He remembered their first meeting. She had seemed so small, so delicate. A woman, and even worse, a scientist, for crying out loud! He would have to spend every mission looking after her, helping her, generally being her nursemaid, and he wasn't happy about that.
She had soon shown her steel though. Almost as soon as they were introduced, she insisted on her military title. In battle, she neither expected nor received any help from Jack. She was as good a soldier as he was.
He remebered the planet of the Shevadai. She had asked him if he still doubted her. He did a little, she still looked like a schoolgirl, even in uniform. But he also remembered, with a flush of pride, how she had more than proved herself, to him and the ugly bastard who had tried to tame her. He quietly put away in the back of his mind how utterly gorgeous she had looked in that blue dress - of how dazzling her smile was or...
Stop it. He loved Sara. He had always loved Sara. She was his wife, the only one. She was also at a distance from him. He would never have to show his love, his weakness to her. He would never have to say 'I love you' to her and wait and hope desperatly for the answer, because he knew what it would be. She was his safety net. She prevented him from ever admitting any feeling for anyone else, from ever admitting to himself how much he watched Sam, touched Sam...
That damn virus. Everyone said they didn't remember a thing they'd done under the virus, but that was hardly surprising. More than a few people had done embaressing things when they were their 'primitive' selves. But Sam! When she had jumped him, his first thought had been 'why?'. Why had such a gorgeous young woman wanted *him*! When he realised what had happened - wow. He'd kept saying 'no', then 'not like this' had slipped out. I want you mind and body, not just body. Even so, once he had her restrained, he couldn't resist sneaking a quick kiss on that delicious creamy neck...
And now that he though about it, Sam wasn't the only one who embarrassed herself. He winced as he suddenly recalled how he had got jealous of Daniel's affection for Sam - Daniel who had a wife and treated Sam like a sister! Now that he really thought about it, he could remember saying "I'm talking about Samantha... just stay away from her... she's not your's to care about." She wasn't his to care about either! She was fiercly independent. He doubted after tha whole mess with Hanson whether she would ever allow her sel to fall in love again.
That was when the video came through. Daniel looked despondant. Teal'c looked stoic. Sam looked... well, she talked bravely, but she looked heartbroken. She had always had such an expressive face. He wished she had smiled in the video. He missed her smile. He missed her innocent enthusiasm. He missed her patience with his patently unscientific mind. He missed her constant support. And most of all, he missed her laugh. She was the only one who ever laughed at her jokes. Daniel didn't hear them, and Teal'c didn't understand them. Carter's quite unmilitary giggle was his only reward - but it was a good one. Everytime she laughed, glanced up at him slightly shyly with her big blue eyes, and shared his amusement, it lifted his spirits a little more...
He shok his head. She was a fellow officer and a friend. A close friend, but a friend nonetheless.
He tried to write a letter to Sara, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Every time he tried to imagine her face, he saw a different one. "Senility" he thought, and settled down to die.
They had come running when he called, as he knew they would. He could tell Sam was impressed that *he* had found the scientific solution. When it had all worked, she had glowed with happiness. She had offered him her arm to lean on, and he had taken it, gratefully accepting her support as always.
He promised Kynthia he would treasure each day. He still loved Sara, but perhaps, bit by bit, he could lose that safety net. And, as he looked up at Sam's lovely face, and remembered how he had felt when he thought he would never see her again, he knew he would one day find the courage to admit he loved Sam Carter.
The End.
Story Notes: spoiler; brief candle
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