Col. Jack O'Neill lay on his bunk, replaying the events of the last while. A virus had been brought back with one of the SG teams and it had quickly spread to the others. For most of the people they had simply regressed to an agressive state, then to something resembling Neanderthals, Jack, Daniel Jackson, and Capt. Sam Carter among them. But with Sam, it had been a *bit* different. Yes, she had become agressive, but sexually so. With him. And Jack was ashamed to admit it, but he had enjoyed it, even though he had denied wanting her. At least until he had uttered three fateful words: "Not like this". Jack had been sure she would bring that up, certain that she would have remembered, but she hadn't. Maybe her mind *had* been clouded enough that she really didn't remember anything that was said. He could hope.
And then there was the most recent events with hid double, Sara, and Charlie. Those old wounds he had hoped were healed had reopened, reminding him all too painfully of his past.
He sat up, knowing that he wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon, so he decided he should go for a walk. Maybe it would clear his head.
***
Samantha Carter sat in front of the Stargate, gazing at it. This device had brought her to many amazing places already, more amazing than she had dreamed. And more terrifying.
But nothing had frightened her more than her change in behaviour because of that virus. She still couldn't believe how she had lost control and tried to seduce her commanding officer. It had been so embarrassing when she started to remember afterwards, especially because it had been O'Neill. Fortunately for her, he had seemed to brush it off with a bit of teasing, but it still made her flush with embarrassment. And she still felt slightly nervous around him, as if she would do or say something wrong. Maybe she should leave the team, to be on the safe side.
Sam looked away from the 'gate as she heard booted feet entering the room.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was here," O'Neill stated, turning to leave.
"No, that's alright, I was just going," Sam replied, attempting to stop him from departing. O'Neill did stop, and he watched as she walked toward him, making to leave.
"You don't have to go because of me, Carter," he said, and this caught her attention. His words seemed to ring true to her thoughts just before he arrived. Sam stopped in front of him.
"I'm not. I was going to leave anyway. I do what I want in my free time." O'Neill barely hid a smile, but he held back the initial comment that came to mind.
"Of course, captain. Then by all means, do what you want," he responded, sweeping his right arm in the direction of the door. He then walked away toward the Stargate, Sam following him with her eyes.
Jack sat down in almost the same place Sam had been moments before. He waited before he turned his head to look toward the door, but he knew she was still there without looking. Neither said a word, but Sam recognized the expression on his face as an invitation to join him. Carter walked over, then retook her seat, this time beside him.
They sat in a semi-awkward silence for a minute, then Sam spoke up.
"Can I ask you something?"
"As a commanding officer or a friend?" he queried, looking away momentarily, then back up at her. His question brought a tiny smile to her face.
"As a friend," she answered, pausing briefly before continuing. "Do you remember much of what happened when... when we were infected?"
"A bit. But I thought we already discussed this?" Jack was suddenly beginning to get worried. Maybe she *did* remember what was said, but had wanted to wait for a more private moment to bring it up.
"We did, kind of. I guess... to be honest, I didn't want to say too much with the others around." O'Neill felt his adrenaline levels shoot up, the old 'fight-or-flight' instinct kicking in. The way her words echoed his thoughts made him feel like she was reading his mind.
"What else was there to say?" he wondered, his voice changing octaves briefly. Sam couldn't help but be curios at this change in behaviour. O'Neill actually was reacting like a nervous schoolboy.
[Wishful thinking,] she chided herself. This thought caused her to smile briefly to herself, allowing her to relax slightly.
"Well, I just thought that, maybe there was more you remembered that I may not. And maybe you'd want to, I don't know, clear things up for me?"
O'Neill was certain now that she remembered more than she had let on originally. The urge to leave was almost overwhelming, but at the same time, his soldierly attitude compelled him to stay. He wasn't going to be a coward and retreat, not this tiime. He cleared his throat.
"Perhaps there is a thing or two we should discuss," Jack responded, trying to keep a level tone. Sam tried to remain relaxed as she listened to his words.
[A thing or two,] she thought.
[Remember, you asked,] her inner voice scolded.
"Good."
"Good?" he repeated questioningly.
"Yes. Well, what I mean is, it's good that you want to discuss things, to clear up any possible misconceptions or..." O'Neill interrupted by holding his hand up to signal stop. Carter looked at him in mild confusion. "What...?"
"You're beginning to babble, Carter."
"I do *not* babble," she responded almost vehemently. This protest brought a smile to Jack's face.
"I can't count the number of times you've babbled in my presence."
"That's just ridiculous!"
"I don't think it is. It's actually kind of endearing, at times," he replied. His statement surprised her. Pleasantly. "Of course, I think babbling is a scientist thing since Daniel has a tendency to babble also," he added with a sly grin.
[Why can't he just say something nice and leave it at that?] she wondered, shaking her head.
"I know, I'm trying," he replied, making Sam wonder if she had spoken aloud. "I guess that's why I'm not so popular with the ladies. And one of the many reasons why my marriage didn't last," he continued. Sam was taken aback by his sudden candor and found it hard to know what to say.
"Sir, I..." she attempted. He waved a hand and looked away.
"You don't have to say anything to that. Just a little self-pity happening." Jack looked back at her and saw she had a sad little smile. This didn't improve his mood much since he felt she was pitying him. It was all and good for him to pity himself, but to have anyone else do so was almost unbearable. He was tempted to leave again, but he felt her hand on his arm, comforting him.
"Sir, I know it's not been easy for you this past while..."
"You do?" Carter flushed at his question, then looked down, letting her hand slide off his arm and onto her lap.
"Uh, yeah." She paused, glancing at him. O'Neill's expression urged her to continue. "After I had tried to talk to you... um, your double, about the pictures he was looking at, I had a talk with Daniel." She stopped there, waiting to see if he caught what she was trying to get at. He seemed to, at least as far as his expression 'stated'.
"So you asked him about me."
"Yes. I didn't expect him to tell me so much, but as he told me more, I couldn't help asking more. I guess I was... intrigued." Jack looked at her curiously once she had the said the last word. Slowly, a mischievous smile creeped across his features.
"You were 'intrigued'?" he repeated.
"Oh, I knew I shouldn't use that word," Sam said, half to herself. She looked away.
"So you were 'intrigued'," he repeated again, but this time he was urging her to continue. Sam turned to look at him again. O'Neill still had remnants of a grin on his face, but his expression was softer.
"Yeah, I was. You've always kept to yourself so much."
"I'm not a big talker," he joked, making her smile.
"By nature I'm a curious person, and I suppose that being a scientist has added to my need to... discover things, not only about objects that I study, but people as well. I wanted to know about you... no, that's not right." Sam paused, collecting her thoughts. "I wanted to understand you. What makes you tick, what you like, what you don't like..."
"And this all falls under scientific curiosity?" Jack asked. Carter flushed.
"No, I guess not. More like... friendly curiosity." Sam was attempting to regain her composure as she talked, but O'Neill wasn't helping in the least. He kept constant eye contact with her now, and it was beginning to make her fidget. He surprised her by reaching out and taking her left hand in his right.
"Carter, I'm glad you wanted to know about me. Friends should... talk, get to know each other. I suppose I haven't been much of a friend if you had to go to someone else to ask about me..."
"No, don't say that. When you think about it, we're only really at the start of our re... friendship," she amended, hoping to hell he didn't catch her slip up. She continued. "I would say it's normal for us to be a little wary and not say much at first. We're still learning to trust each other."
"I trust you," he replied, looking mildly confused. She smiled.
"We have confidence in each other, yes, but as soldiers, officers, not necessarily as 'normal' human beings. We still have to build that level of trust. And I think we're doing a good job, so far," she finished. Sam noticed that Jack still held her hand, but now she felt totally at ease with him. Talking it out was helping. Maybe she had been jumping the gun in thinking about leaving.
"Yeah, we're not doing too bad," he responded. They both smiled as they gazed at each other. As they sat there, Jack decided he should attempt to find out more, see what she did remember. But he'd have to do it casually.
"Can I ask you something?" he asked, slipping his hand from hers, resting it on his leg.
"Sure."
"You told me you don't remember much from when we were infected." He noticed that she became tense at his mention of that event.
"Yes. I assume that the infection didn't just affect one part of my brain since I only have vague and uncertain memories of all that happened." Jack nodded.
"So..Daniel never told you anything?" Sam looked at him curiously.
"We discussed the scientific aspects of what happened..."
"But nothing..personal?" O'Neill cut in. Carter shook her head.
"No, not really." She paused, watching him. She could see he was now noticeably on edge, like he had been earlier in their conversation. She was wondering yet again what could possibly be making him act like this.
"Colonel, is there something wrong?" she finally queried, giving into her curiosity. O'Neill gave her one of his patented 'don't-worry-everything's-under-control' smiles.
"Nothing really important," he lied. Sam looked at him oddly, not sure what he meant by his response. Before she could ask him, Jack got up to leave.
"Well, we have a mission to be ready for in a few hours time. We should really get to bed," he paused, realizing what he just said, then amended, "Sleep. We should get some sleep." Sam barely hid a smile at his change of words. Jack pretended to ignore her smile and simply nodded at her as he turned to leave.
"See you in a bit," Carter teased, and O'Neill paused briefly, as if he was going to say something, but he continued walking without saying a word. Sam got up from her seat, the smile still on her face.
As she walked back to her quarters, Sam mused over what had happened during the past half-hour. She had gone into the embarkation room so unsure that she belonged with SG1 any more. She had ben ready to leave because she felt she had been indiscreet, more than once. But sitting there, talking with O'Neill had made a great difference. It had made her realize that no matter what happened, she could handle it, and so, it seemed, could the colonel. His dodginess still had her wondering, but she knew that if he wanted to tell her, if it was important enough, he would.
Carter entered her quarters, quickly changing and lying down on her bunk, feeling finally relaxed enough to get some sleep.
***
Jack lay on his bunk, still unable to sleep. He had been able to clear some things up with Sam, but he had still kept some thoughts from her. He wondered why.
They both had made it clear that they were building a friendship, and that they trusted each other. They were grown-ups, couldn't handle what he had said?
Jack pondered this. The words alone didn't seem like much, but taken in the context of the situation they had been said, they meant a lot more than he had ever intended to reveal about himself. Especially to her. And if she knew about what he had said, he had a feeling that their fragile friendship and trust could very well be shattered.
So, for now, he wouldn't say anything. Maybe someday he'd feel comfortable enough with her and with their friendship to tell her. Or maybe he'd never tell her. Who knew.
Jack looked at his clock. 0500. Three hours until they left on their next mission. He closed his eyes, figuring at the very least, he could rest himself a bit before having to face the day.
The End
Not Like This by Sio
Story Notes: Well, this is my first attempt at SG1 fic, let alone S&J fic, so be kind. Even though Ness was kind enough to beta it and praise it, I think she may be a tad biased. I first came up with the idea for this fic after watching "Broca's Divide" for the first time. Some of you may notice the title of the story from something said by O'Neill in that episode. In case you don't, here's the scenario:
Sam has thrown Jack down onto the bench in the changeroom and is kissing him, asking him if he doesn't want her. He says "No... not like this..."
This, of course , caught my attention, and from then on I couldn't get the idea of this story out of my head. So here it is. No smut, but that'll come with my next S&J fic. Enjoy!
Sam has thrown Jack down onto the bench in the changeroom and is kissing him, asking him if he doesn't want her. He says "No... not like this..."
This, of course , caught my attention, and from then on I couldn't get the idea of this story out of my head. So here it is. No smut, but that'll come with my next S&J fic. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]