Sleepless Nights and Slimly Annoyances
The day was a brilliant shade of blue, green and earth. Not that I would have known, being who knows how many floors underneath the ground didn’t really do anything for one’s visual stimulation.
"Hey well, it could be worse", I thought to myself. "At least I’m doing what I love, Not that processing psych reports is what I love..." Life had been extremely boring, to say the least. Sg-1 was on stand-down, considering the fact that Teal’c was on Chulak and Daniel was on PX something-or-other with SG-4 translating whatcalmacalits (and not hieroglyphics, I know what those are!).... There wasn’t much of anything to do. I was still on my beeline to the infirmary when I slid to a stop, halted by the all too familiar smell of Kailua. ‘That’s Daniel’s flavor(which he stole off of me!) ’ I thought unconsciously ‘who in the world.......... Jack wasn’t much of a coffee guy, and he usually drank it black when he did consent to drink the beverage. Teal’c wouldn’t touch the stuff and besides he was off world. That left Sam and Janet. Janet was on a no-caffeine diet and Sam’s personal favorite was hazelnut.... ‘
"There’s no way he can be home yet!" I muttered and ventured into my archeologist’s office. To my utter amazement, Col. Maybourne lounged comfortably in Daniel’s favorite leather chair, Daniel’s infamous hieroglyphic mug in his slimly, grubby hands.
"Great!" my traitorous mind retorted at me. "Just what I needed at 2:00 in the morning.
"Col. Maybourne ......" I drew the name out in distaste, "what, might I ask are you doing in Dr. Jackson’s office?"
"Looking.." Maybourne answered, apparently unconcerned
"For what?"
"Evidence"
"You need a warrant for that sort of thing, Maybourne" I raised her eyebrows. "Not to mention you have to make it through the police academy first...Which I highly doubt you have,(or could for that matter)" I muttered to herself. Maybourne snorted and glared, but said nothing.
"Not counting the fact that you’re going through his personal and classified belongings without expressed permission!" I picked up where I’d left off.
"I don’t answer to you, or anyone else on your little galactic heroes’ team, Dr. Benjamen!" Maybourne retorted irritated, could this woman possibly be any more annoying
"Aggrah!" I growled in disgust. Could the man be any more annoying????
"I’m taking this up with Col. O’Neill!" I muttered, realizing that I really didn’t have any clout to throw Maybourne out of Daniel’s office, even if I wanted to. Oh, yeah, I definitely wanted to!
~~~~~~~~~
I would have been down in my best friend’s office faster than you can say National Hockey League if I’d known what was going on. As it was, I sat buried under three months of paper work I’d been putting off by planet hopping. I had just finished typing out the last mission report when Sarah Benjamen stormed into my office. All thoughts of the mission to px2245 and it’s interesting, yet inebriated experiences flew out of my head when I was pounced upon by a typhoon. One that came in the tall, lithe form of one extremely upset Asian doctor.
"Jack!" Sarah fumed foregoing all protocol (which she always figured she really shouldn’t have to follow anyway; since she was a civilian and all.......)
"Huh?!?!" Startled, I didn’t have a chance.
"Guess who I caught rooting through our favorite archeologist's office a few minutes ago"
"What? Daniel’s not back yet?"
"No"
"Who?"
"Our very own favorite Col. and I’m not talking about you, Jack"
"Geez! You’re talking about......"
"Oh yeah, I am"
"Stupid Maybourne!"
"My thoughts exactly. So how are you getting him outta there?"
"Me? Who said I’m doing anything?" I protested
"Well, he didn’t listen to me."
"’Course not Doc, he hates you!" I quipped
"I noticed!" Sarah replied with a wry grin
"Okay, Okay! I’ll go. I need to take a break anyway... All this paperwork!"
"What paperwork?" Sam Carter asked as she sauntered into my office. She always has this irritating habit of showing up at all the wrong times. Don’t get me wrong, I’d have Pinocchio's nose if I said I couldn’t stand her. It was quite the opposite, really. It seemed every time I had something mundane to do she always showed up and distracted me. Not that a distraction in the very feminine form of Dr. Maj. Samantha Carter was a bad thing....... I just couldn’t concentrate too well. There I go again. The Doc. (Sarah) was off on another one of her spiels. This time Maybourne was the unfortunate target. While she was going on and on (sounding a lot like Daniel if you ask me...) Sam was standing there nodding and looking more p.o.ed by the moment.
"I really hate that guy!" Sam hissed through her teeth... uh oh, not a good sign. Obviously something that night had set her off, or should I say morning? I glanced at the clock, looking in disbelief at the numbers 0300 also known as 3:00 am. Anybody with half a brain did not want Sam Carter on their butt at that time in the morning. And the poor Colonel whose butt she was after didn’t have a chance. Come to think of it...He never did have half a brain anyway. Oh, yeah, Maybourne was in for it. Not only did he happen to be too far down the crap line for me to acknowledge, he wasn’t too high on the "love list" of either of SG-1’s female members. "This is definitely insane" I told myself. I’m storming around the SGC at 0300 in the morning....No wait, I’m following two p.o.ed Doctors around the SGC because a guy I really do not like is sitting in my best friend’s office, drinking his precious coffee and diving through personal stuff. Oh, yeah! My brain finally woke up, the freakin’ idiot was going through Daniel’s stuff. Our Daniel. The guy who had more lives than a cat on Prozac, the guy who made my head spin with his never-ending theories. And the spiels... Holy Hannah! Now we even have a name for all the tangents that our favorite archeologist goes on(courtesy of Dr. Sarah Benjamen, of course). And she’s about the only one who can match him, spiel for spiel. Even Carter can’t keep up after a while. Sometimes it makes me wonder why I put up with these crazy people. Oh yeah Jack, they’re your friends....And Jack, your friends just left you in the dust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you ever notice that really irritating things happen at the oddest times possible? It seems like fate. And it seems that fate doesn’t seem to like the members of SG-1 very much. Aside from the fact that we’ve been stabbed, shot, killed, taken hostage, seduced, aged, kidnapped, sold, raped, ridiculed, poked, prodded, possessed, tortured, traded, revived, questioned, doubted, had our minds screwed with and otherwise freaked out; you’d think that a little thing like this wouldn’t get to us. Only it’s Maybourne, one of the main non-alien sources of trouble for the last few years. It probably doesn’t come as a surprise that he pretty much hates us all. The feeling’s mutual. He hates Jack for being his equal, wait no, his better, in so many untold ways. They may have the same rank but there’s no way that my Colonel, er um, our Colonel would sink to Maybourne’s level. Even if he were desperate, Jack doesn’t have that unique streak of sliminess that Maybourne posses. Harry(oh yes, I know that’s insubordinate, but that’s the point!) seems to hate Teal’c simply for being different, for being an alien(ooh scary!!) Talk about predijuce! I think that the fact that Teal’c threatened dismemberment on any planet but earth didn’t exactly put him on Maybourne’s party list. However I highly doubt Teal’c’s too concerned about that....... Weeell, let’s see, oh yeah he hates me. I think it actually started out as mild distaste when he found out I was in league with "those bumbling fools in SG-1." First of all because it meant I was "one of the good guys" this also translates as she who is "way smarter than us" is not available for corruption and general manipulation. Second he knew the good Colonel would rip his head off if Maybourne so much as looked at me suggestively, not to mention actually suggested something. Jack’s mother hen, (er well, I wouldn’t exactly call it that) instinct can be rather comforting when putting up with a sleaze like Maybourne. Not that I can’t handle myself. I can, I’d just rather not waste my time on a sniveling brat like him. I’m missing someone, oh yeah, Sarah. Ooh, now that’s a touchy subject. Maybourne’s been trying to get his grubby little hands on her for years. And I do mean years, as in, way, way, before we even met her. You’d think he’d give up, but no! She was officially declared MIA and he still didn’t give up on her! Not that it’s a good thing....ugh! The fact that we even met Sarah was quite a miracle in and of itself(which is a whole ’nother story!) A miracle Maybourne couldn’t wait to pick to pieces. I have to admit, she’s a fair enough target. From what little we know about her professional past she was one heck of a fighter. At 17, she was, for all intents and purposes, kidnapped for a freak experiment. The organization STAL, took her and five of her friends and tried to turn them into "supermen" hoping they would be an indestructible weapon. What they didn’t count on was a bunch of teenagers having minds of their own. According all the records we snooped, er went through, Sarah basically was a
"rising out of the ashes" story. She has talents and mental capabilities I’ve seen on very, very few humans and not too many aliens. It was no wonder Maybourne wanted her. And it was no wonder that she fought, not just to stay out of his probing clutches, but to get him out of the team’s hair, which was what she was doing right now. Sarah doesn’t deal with derision and oppression very well, but when your personal life’s so hellish you won’t even tell your best friends then.....I don’t blame her.
And then there’s Daniel. True, Daniel has a way of making people either love or hate him. I wouldn’t be alone to say that there’s no way anyone could ever hate Dr. Daniel Jackson, PH.D archeologist-linguist-egyptomologist-anthropologist and the greatest friend one could ever ask for. No one, especially not Sarah(but once again that‘s another story), and not even the Janet Fraiser, M.D. ruler of all that is medical at the SGC and queen of no-nonsense bedside manners. In fact Jan has taken quite a liking to Dr. Jackson, it isn’t surprising though, since she sees him after practically every mission for something that he got himself into. Sometimes I think Maybourne hates him the most, in fact right now I’m quite convinced, knowing that he’s gloating in Daniel’s favorite chair right now. See, Daniel has this indescribable strength. It’s so powerful, really, his heart is. You get blown away, thinking that this "mild mannered" historian has all this fire inside of him. Then you realize that the man standing before you has been through more.... crap in his life than anyone ever should. And then after that you realize that he’s hasn’t gone nutty or bitter or paranoid about it either. In fact, he’s one of the most open, sensitive people, I ever had the pleasure of knowing. He never seems to lose his undying spark of energy, his endless compassion, and his zest for life. The very fact that he reeks of morals, commitment , integrity and spirit seems to grate against Maybourne. And it’s no wonder, because the man could not be farther from Daniel, personality-wise. Which brings us to Daniel’s office, and the annoying little situation at hand..
~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I could kiss the gate ramp, I really could. Logic and Dr. Fraiser would tell me it would just land me back in the infirmary from some strange disease that my antihistamines didn’t cover. But seriously, sometimes I wonder if being the SGC’s leading translation expert is really all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, I get pulled off to one ultimately boring world after another ‘cause Simmons, or Peters, or Chambers or whoever doesn’t read Egyptian or Gaelic, or Tagalog or whatever the local language happens to be at the time. If it weren’t for SG-1 , I’d consider quitting, no wait, I take that back. If it weren’t for the chance of a lifetime to explore and learn, not to mention SG-1 to keep me sane, I would quit. Speaking of which, where is my trusty team. I’m almost done with the physical(thank you Janet for your quickie-because it’s too early in the morning and you’re not really hurt-exam!) The briefing's long gone by now and Jack should be in any minute now to ask if I’ve found any new "rocks." He never gives up that man! Sometimes I think that he thinks being the CO of SG-1 gives him license to eternal ribbing and really bad puns...not to mention the one-liners. According to Sarah, he’s corrupted us all. She was convinced after observing that not one, not two but all four members of the team were actually laughing, and hysterically at that, at one of Jack’s puns.
"We’re too far gone, hopeless!" I think were her words. Not that it’s nessicarialy a bad thing. I think we’d all go insane if we didn’t have Jack’s warped sense of humor to ward off all the nightmares........So now here I am at.....Holy Cow 3:30 in the morning! I didn’t realize it was getting that late. It seemed like 10:00 or something. Sam says that’s because I spend too many late nights with only long dead history and cold coffee as companions. Speaking of coffee that sounds great right now. I was heading in the general direction of my office when I smelled, no sensed it. Sarah swears it’s radar, coffee radar (like she can talk!). Kailua! I knew it! Was she into my hidden stash again? I doubted it, she had just gone on a major shopping spree before I left with SG-4, which meant she was stocked with coffee like a raiding party with guns. "Who on earth?" I wondered aloud, the silence deafening in the empty morning air. Even buried under a mountain, the morning air was cold. I reached my office to find I wasn’t the only one who planned on visiting. I was at the far end of the hall when I heard the ruckus. The extremely, shall we say, peeved voice of one Col. Jack O’Neill flew down the hallway and almost knocked me over. I crept cautiously closer, slowly discerning other voices in the room.
"What are you doing here?"
"You have no jurisdiction here!" I stopped just outside of the door, wondering who Sam and Jack were so p.o.ed at.
"Ahhh, but that’s where you’re wrong, major!" Ewww, I knew that slimy voice anywhere!
"Ohhh, just shut-up will you!" Uh, oh, Sarah’s annoyed
"No, I will not. You better watch yourself Dr. Benjamen, I happen to have quite a bit of leverage where your occupation is concerned." Whatever!! We all knew Maybourne was blowing a whole lotta smoke where Sarah’s place with SG-1 was concerned.
"Bull...Crap!"
"Just....just, I don’t know... go away, will you?" Jack, without a good comeback? This might be getting out of hand.
"It would be better to the public’s health if you vacate the premises, Col. Maybourne..." Public health, that’s a good one Teal’c. I bet poor Harry didn’t even know he was being made fun of!
" *growl* " Didn’t like that too much, did you Col.?
"Hey! Hey...wait don’t touch that,!"
"Did you hear her ? Don’t...put that down!"
"It would be advisable to follow the Doctor’s instructions Col...."
"Don’t ...don’t......Ahhh!" ***CRASH!!!!!!!!!**
"Oh, for cryin’ out loud!" Oh, crap, what was that?
"Oh, crap"
"Holy Hannah, now we’re in for it!"
"Uh, this isn’t good, O’Neill?"
"Ya think?"
"Weeel, maybe Daniel will just not kill him or something.......I hope."
"Dr. Jackson, *snort* He couldn’t hurt a fly!" Okay, that’s it! I’m not letting this buffoon drag me around anymore. From the sounds of it, he’s going to totally demolish my place in a few seconds if I don’t get in there. Here goes nothing!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes I wonder what brought me to this place. These people are like none I’ve ever known. They will die for each other, risk life and limb, yet they do something even more extraordinary. When the day is over, the fighting ended and the danger past; they consent to spend even more time together. I did not believe that a group of warriors such as them could form such a bond. And such an unusual one at that. They are not all warriors. They are scholars, thinkers, dreamers. They posses all the qualities that were sought by the System Lords when choosing a team of Jaffa. Although, the Jaffa have always been little more than expendible..tin soldiers, (as O’Neill would say) each one was assembled with certain qualities. They needed a leader to secure the group, insure, none would fail. Ones wise in the terrain, the minds, customs of their...victims. As much I hate the word, it is painfully true. This team, SG-1 is like none other I have other seen. it is true that many, if not all teams at the SGC are well equipped and fitted. Yet I have yet to find the sort of kinship I sense when with these people. They are not merely a team, they are a family...I noticed that others have sensed it as well. They are not bound by blood....in the traditional sense of word, but they are a family nerveless. Now that I ponder this, I believe I am mistaken. I believe we are bound by blood, I have realized I am as much a part of them as I ever could be. They have all accepted me, never questioning, never demanding. Just accepting me, and all that I have been, or ever will be. We are truly a family, bound by blood and tears. Joy and sorrow, laughter and unfading memories. Bonds that not even death can break. I feel honored to be a part of such a sacred pact. That is why I understand O’Neill’s actions toward DanielJackson. In his own way he feels the pain of his friend. And has taken the role of an older brother, always protecting, always proud. I see a tender spot, hidden deep in his heart for Samantha, as much as he tries to conceal it from us, it only becomes more clear. I see it in both their eyes. They spend soo much time trying to hide the electric connection they both share from others; that they are blind to the very fact that they possess it. I understand the fierce spirit of Samantha. She has fought long and hard to reach her impossible dreams. These people are just as much a part of her dreams and she fights just as hard not to lose them. I see the hope in DanielJackson’s eyes. He has lost one family, only to find another. He will not give in to anyone, if it will keep them safe. And then there is Dr. Benjamen. She insists that I call her Sarah. She feels inadequate, I can sense it. She wishes only to be known by her given name, for it is then that she does not have to put on a charade. She has soo much enthusiasm, such zest for life, matched only, perhaps, by Daniel. However, I see the fear in her eyes, when she thinks that no one is watching. She has lost all she held dear before. Her life was snatched away before she had time to live it. I feel she has been searching for a safe haven ever since. I think she has finally come to understand that she has found here. And I, I have found solace in these Tau’ri, one that I could never imagine. I have found a family away from my own. I have filled the aching hole in my soul with the warmth of their love for me. As strange as it sounds, I do believe that this is what it is. To some degree, we cannot help but love one another, how then, could we have come through the fire alive, not always unscathed, but alive. It is because of what I have learned that I realize how important dealing with little worms like Maybourne is. They see him as a threat. Albeit, not a immediately dangerous one, but a threat to one of us. And I agree. Therefore, I am here, supporting my team, as always. It just tires me that I must put up with the tiresome slug so often, it is times like these that I wish we all lived on Chulak. There, this snake would be dealt with in the proper manner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not usually awake at this time in the morning. I have loads of briefings. Many of which I wish I didn't have to make. But for some reason I can’t sleep. I’m getting a sense that something’s going on. Not necessarily that something dangerous is happening. Just that I’m going to miss something big if I stay on this blasted military issue cot any longer. Even the General doesn’t get special treatment when it comes to "bed and bath." Originally I was going to go home, see my wife, E-mail my grandkids(yes, and old badger like me knows what E-mail is) who are on a science/explorer camping trip. Sounds like something SG-1 would volunteer for on downtime. Ah ha! that’s it. SG-1! I have a sense about these people. I’m beginning to think I have radar or something, because I always find myself heading toward the infirmary when they return. And unfortunately, I’m usually right.
"Give it up George!" I mutter, "might as well take a quick tour around. Maybe I’ll get sleepy again, and hopefully realize that SG-1 isn’t in to anything.....yet. No such luck. I’m barely down the hallway where most of SG-1 "hangouts" are located before I hear it. Yelling, and lots of it. A few muffled curses thrown in for good measure and then the sound of something undoubtedly old, and priceless shattering to pieces. "I’m getting too old for this!" I groan to myself in disgust and take off down the hallway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do Not like being rudely interrupted from a much-needed 20-minute catnap at 5:30 in the morning when I’ve been pulling an all-nighter over a dang sliver of plexi-glass! I especially do not like being awakened by SG-1 at that time. As much as I love those people, and would never want to lose them....Well, they always bring trouble through my door in one form or another. Not to mention the times they come back shot, stabbed, roasted, electrocuted, poisoned, brainwashed, dehydrated, half-baked(in more ways than one) drugged, tourted and generally looking crappy: well, I’ve had my share of annoyances. As much as the team loves Cassie and I off-base, you’d think I’m Dr. Evil or something they way they avoid post-mission physicals. Now, the Col. just gets squirmy, Sam doesn’t mind so much as long as I get the poking and needle stabbing done quickly. Daniel avoids me at all costs, he’s slippery as raw eggs. Never can track him down. Sarah just plain hates doctors and nurses, hospitals, blood, nursing homes. You name, she’s been there, done that and walked away burned. I don’t know how, she isn’t talking. She doesn’t seem to mind me though. Don’t get that, I’m not exactly famous for my "charming bedside manner." In fact I spend more time strapping Sg-1 to their beds than anything. So needless to say I wasn’t pleased when all of SG-1 came in with my least favorite Colonel in tow. From the looks of it, that slimy Maybourne had gotten the short end of the stick. Quite frankly, he looked like he’d been to an very bad version of American Gladiator and lost. He was sporting a spilt lip and I knew he’d have a beauty of a black eye in an hour or so. His face was truly a work of art, courtesy of another equally harried looking Col. I had the whole thing figured out when they came in the door. So you can understand why I was so surprised when I spotted the rest of SG-1, not to mention General Hammond himself! Not to mention the fact that the Gen. was sporting a lovely beginning of a black eye himself. This was too much for a doctor who’d had the equivalent of a typical Daniel Jackson night of sleep. I was still staring when the rest of the team came in showing off their latest "war wounds" and protesting(quite vocally) the fact that their
"enemy" was going to be treated by the same coveted doctor they claimed. As if anyone had a claim on me anyhow.......well, okay, I’m partial to SG-1, but you’d think that they believed my sole purpose on this base was too stitch them up and kiss their boo-boo’s. What a bunch of nonsense, of course! However, I couldn’t help but be shocked at some of the injuries inflicted by various members of the group, apparently over a stupid "rock" as the Col. would say. I think Coffee and Daniel’s lab had something to do with it as well, I also heard the word slime mentioned, I won’t ask. Daniel came in nursing what could possibly be a broken right hand. Smart Daniel, real smart. If you’re going to at least punch somebody, why can’t you use the one hand you don’t write with? Sarah didn’t look much better, she had several cuts and bruises in random places, and she said her ribs and head were killing her. Sam was possibly the least injured of them all, she didn’t appear to have anything more than a few scrapes and bruises along besides the disgruntled ego..... Teal’c was fine, of course. However I didn’t doubt he would have plucked Maybourne bodily off the gurney and thrown him thrown a disinegrating---- wormhole if everyone else wasn’t in the way. "OUuuch! That stings Doc!" "Well, if you wouldn’t have tried to make friends with that Ming vase in Daniel’s quarters, then you wouldn’t be sitting here, hmmm?" "Don’t remind me!" The Col. grumpily whined. Oh, yeah, this was going to be one of those nights!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, I can’t quite claim total immunity in this one, after all I did specifically go and track down the Col. so he could help me beat the crap outta Maybourne. Not that he didn’t deserve it. I know, I should be more charitable, it’s probably not the man’s fault his brain’s dysfunctional......maybe again, it is. In any case the whole thing was kinda confusing, the only way to make sense of the entire episode was to give our similarly injured, not to mention peeved, General a play by play............
~~~~~~~
"Well, see, General, I went and talked Col. O’Neill into it." Sarah explained, figuring she had got them all into this mess in the first place.
"No you didn’t! I went willingly, sir. I felt that Col. Maybourne had no right to be....er, snooping, in Daniel’s stuff." Jack was quick to object, he wasn’t about to let the Gen. think he hadn’t a mind of his own.
"So how did you get involved in this, situation, Major?" The General, despite his swelling goose-egg was becoming curious.
"Weeell, sir, I happened to be stopping by Col. O’Neill’s office for some.... er. to um, discuss something with him when I heard what was going on." Sam looked on the verge of major(sorry about the pun- wait no I‘m not!) embarrassment when she pulled herself out of the potential Freudian slip. No one was going to argue with her, and let one of the biggest secrets of SG-1 (besides Jaffa cakes) slip. Not counting the wrath of Dr. Maj Samantha Carter, which to say the least, was a dangerous thing.
"Okay?" The Gen. gave her a slightly suspicious look. No doubt he was wondering what exactly she was doing at that time at night around Col. O’Neill’s office.
"Dr. Jackson?" Daniel froze, he hoped that the Gen. had completely forgotten about him.
"When exactly did you arrive?" Oh, good, saved, for now.
"Umm, I got back from Andora at about, I don’t know, 4:30 or so, maybe before. After Janet gave me the okay, I figured I go root around our quarters, since Jack usually comes in and teases, er talks to me; and I didn’t see him. So I headed toward my office, and then I started hearing voices......"
"Well, okay, that’s great, troops, but would someone like to give me a clear explanation?" General Hammond figured he still hadn’t arrived to the base (opps, another pun) of this problem.
"Well, see.."
"It was all his fault!"
"Carter! For Cryin‘ out loud!"
"Well, the whole feather thing was..."
"What?"
"The feather thing, you know, you take the feather, and....oh never mind, you weren’t there yet."
"Quite effective interrogation, Gen. they should implement it here."
"I doubt it Teal’c"
"What?"
"Nevermind"
"This is getting nowhere people!"
"Okay, okay, I’ll tell you, sir, since after all it was my idea.." *Snort!*
"Ehh! Jack I heard that! Okay, look. I was on my way to Daniel’s office to see if he wanted to, uh, I mean to check out, I...um.." Sarah blushed, uncharactistically "To see if he was back yet." she emphasized. "Anyway, he wasn’t there, instead that Toad, Maybourne was sitting in Daniel’s office chair, drinking his coffee out of Daniel’s mug! So, after, uh, exchanging a few words, in which I tried to escort him from he office, I went and sought Col. O’Neill’s help. He was in his office, doing paperwork, or reports or something, and I told him what the problem was. By this time Sam walked in and wanted to know what was going on, so I told her. Next thing I knew, we were charging down the hallway, back into Daniel’s office. Maybourne wouldn’t leave when I showed back up with Jack and Sam. If fact, I think he was rather amused. That was until he started hitting on Sam. That’s when Jack...I mean, that’s about the time that Teal’c came in..."
"Teal’c?"
" Sarah is right, I arrived in DanielJackson’s room after being disturbed from my meditation. I heard loud voices arguing and decided to investigate. I found Col. Maybourne pinned against the wall by O’Neill. I believe this action was justified, into that, when I arrived into the room, Maybourne was calling Maj. Carter the most unbecoming of names.
"That’s putting it nicely!" Sam muttered.
"Ya think?" Jack agreed.
"Please continue Teal’c." Hammond shot a warning look at his 2nd in Command. Even though this, situation had an amusing side, he still wasn’t to thrilled about being up this late, or was it early? He didn’t even know anymore. But he did know this was no time for O’Neill’s sarcasm.
"When I arrived, Maybourne looked suitably...distressed. It appears that my presence discomforts him greatly." Teal’c said this last bit with a great deal of relish. Which was a little odd, but hey, even stoic Jaffa can be smug!
"That’s when Maybourne called Jack an, well, uh, butthead, to put it nicely." Sam jumped in, forgetting all decorum now that they were getting to the good parts.
"Yeah, so then Teal’c shouldered Jack aside and plucked Maybourne off the wall like a bug or something!" Sarah said with equal relish.
"Then Danny boy happened to barge in."
"That’s only cause the idiot insulted me, Jack!"
"So, I didn’t say it was bad did I? Hey you got a few punches out of it."
"What?" Janet jumped in for the first time that night. After all they were in her domain. "I thought all those bruises were courtesty of Jack, and maybe Teal’c......" her voice trailed off as she digested this new bit of info.
"Well, I wasn’t the only one!" Daniel protested.
" No, Sam’s got a killer left on her, sir." Jack informed his chagrined commander.
"Yeah, and Sarah has quite a nasty Asian kung-fu trick thingy that she does"
"I slapped him Daniel. And only because he called you a a ...well, Ya know and then he had the audacity to refer to me as a-"
"No, no!" Daniel interrupted, "After that!"
"Oh, yeah, that." Sarah promptly shut up.
"So, let me get this straight. " Janet was still trying to make sense of everything. Maybourne was being more slimier than usual, So Sarah took it upon herself to save Daniel’s office from immediate and total destruction. So she employed the rest of you all." She made a waving motion at the battered and grinning group with her stethoscope. "Then you all barged in, insulted each other and ganged up on Maybourne..
"Well, we didn’t totally gang up on him. He’s a pretty tough old buzzard, Ya know. And besides that, we didn’t count on getting help from Teal’c and Daniel, not to mention the General.
"That wasn’t the original idea!" Hammond muttered to himself, rubbing the now purple lump on his shiny head.
"So that’s it?" Janet ventured.
"Oh, no, way," Sam shook her head.
"Yeah, no kidding!" Jack agreed.
"That’s when he ran..." Daniel pronounced gleefully.
"Screaming, " Sarah added even more gleefully, if that was possible.
"Like a young girl-child." Teal’c concluded solemnly.
"Oh, my." was the only thing left in Janet’s vocabulary at the moment.
"Oh, my."
~~~~~~~~~~
Well, it was finally over, Gen. Hammond had a extremely disagreeable Maybourne confined to a cell. He would be there until the Norad peoples came to peel him off the floor and take him back to his cave. Gen. Hammond had, in an unprecedented move cancelled all briefings for the day for "unknown" reasons. Jack says he was muttering something to the effect of "why couldn’t have I just e-mailed?" as he left. Who knows? Teal’c promptly returned to his quarters. He claimed that he lost too many hours in meditation, even though it was "for a worthy cause." I think he just didn’t want to get dragged into some crazy scheme again. I went to track down my best friend, hopping he could give me the complete dirt on the whole event. I finally tracked him to the astrophysics lab. Now I wonder what in the world could he be doing in there? *smirk* I had also noticed that Dr.- Maj. Samantha Carter, PH.D USAF was not in her quarters. Hmmmm, I wonder? I shouldn’t have. The minute I rounded the corner I heard two very distinct voices floating down the hallway at me. I peeked in the doorway, not wanting to eavesdrop(yeah, right!). Upon finding my two friends/teammates engaging in certainly court-martialable activities; I figured it would be a good idea to get some coffee. I was beginning to wonder where the "Doc." was. No, not Janet. We all ordered her to go home to Cassie and a good weekend off after we spied her bloodshot eyes and less than lightning reflexes. No, it wasn’t unusual for the other "Doc." to be up at this time. But I figured she’d be slumbering peacefully by now, or at the most curled up reading somewhere. Well, I was right on the reading part. I opened the door to my office, still pondering when lo and behold, the mystery was solved. Seat in my leather chair, with my hieroglyphic mug, was none other than my other
"best friend"- Sarah Elizabeth Benjamen. PH.D. Figures. She looked up from the book on Celtic legends she was perusing and gave me one of her brain-mushing smiles.
"Daniel!" She sounded pleased and surprised all at the same time. I don’t know why, it was my office.
"Hello," I answered, not really minding that she was taking possession of my personal space. Now if it had been Maybourne again........
"About that coffee date....." I asked letting my voice trail off. I grinned slyly at her. Her chocolate eyes sparkled happily.
"I thought you’d forgotten." She grinned at me again and got up so I could sit in my chair.
"Nope, just pretended to, ‘cause you stole my Kailua creamer." I teased.
"Nu,uh, Nope," Sarah argued settling comfortably on my lap. (is that what every guy’s "best friend" does? *grin*) "You, my dear archeologist, stole that from me!"
"Uh, huh," I ignored her and took a sip out of my mug that she’d commandeered.
"So, I did I tell you who I ran across in the Astrophysics’ lab a few minutes ago?"
"No, um, who?"..................... Yes this was turning out to be a good night after all. The base was peace, Maybourne was where he should be. My best friend and favorite astrophysist were on their way to court-martial. And so were a certain archeologist and psychologist , although, being civilians and all..... Above birds sang their morning Aria, and the sun rose in all its magnificent glory. And deep within Cheyenne Mt. a feminine and shocked voice cried......
"You’re kidding?!?!?! They were what?"..................Another day at the SGC had begun.
*******
The End
Whadda think?
Story Notes: Email: sarahbussard@hotmail.com / gaelic_muse@yahoo.com
Website: http://www.geocities.com/gaelic_muse/index.htm
Category: humor, silliness, bad puns, Sam/Jack, Daniel/other
Archive: Sam and Jack please
Warning: bashing of REALLY irritating minor character
Author’s Notes: This is due to pent up ickiness felt toward that evil Col. I figured no one would care if I took him off the shelf for a little bashing *evil grin* This is a prelude of sorts to The Tale of the Wedding and is designed to give you guys a hint into personality. I hope it worked. I had a lot of fun writing this, I hope you all do reading it. And if you don’t, well, I just warn you, flaming bricks don’t tend to clear my castle moat very well *grin.* Also, I have NO idea what Jaffa cakes are so I’m sure someone will have a good laugh at my expense.....Oh, and some of the info in this story is stuff that hasn’t really happened in the episodes yet (that I know of) and is stuff I plan on writing about later...That’s enough blabber for me ...on to the story
Website: http://www.geocities.com/gaelic_muse/index.htm
Category: humor, silliness, bad puns, Sam/Jack, Daniel/other
Archive: Sam and Jack please
Warning: bashing of REALLY irritating minor character
Author’s Notes: This is due to pent up ickiness felt toward that evil Col. I figured no one would care if I took him off the shelf for a little bashing *evil grin* This is a prelude of sorts to The Tale of the Wedding and is designed to give you guys a hint into personality. I hope it worked. I had a lot of fun writing this, I hope you all do reading it. And if you don’t, well, I just warn you, flaming bricks don’t tend to clear my castle moat very well *grin.* Also, I have NO idea what Jaffa cakes are so I’m sure someone will have a good laugh at my expense.....Oh, and some of the info in this story is stuff that hasn’t really happened in the episodes yet (that I know of) and is stuff I plan on writing about later...That’s enough blabber for me ...on to the story
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]