*I don't know what you're after
Wanna know all the details of my disaster
Like an accident on the side of the road
And you're driving past slow
But there's nothing to see here*
My dad's dead. That single sentence, only three short words, have changed my life forever within a couple seconds. My father's ship was in front of 'the Carter,' providing the kind of close quartered defenses the Asgard ships are normally somewhat short on, and then, as I was watching on the view screen, his ship just exploded as the Goa'uld got off a lucky shot, or unlucky depending on your allegiances.
Everyone in the fleet keeps sending their condolences, even Jack, but I can't take it. Especially pity from the man I love, I lost almost my entire segment of the fleet, some commander I am, huh?
As usual when you suffer heavy causalities in war, personnel from 'the Jackson,' 'the Teal'c,' and 'the Thor' were reallocated to fill in for my deceased units, more doomed people coming in under my command.
*You wanna take a look
Take a look
You wanna take look
Take a look*
The first day I was able to escape my subordinates after the barrage of attacks that killed almost everyone we had come to depend so closely on was the day I ran to my quarters to try and get some rest and grieve for my father, it was also the day the sympathy started pouring in.
"Sam?" Jack startled me, lost as I was in thought and remorse.
"Jack? I thought you were helping with the clean up?"
"I came to find you. I'm sorry I wasn't here." To my already befuddled mind these words are of little comfort, and neither is what is supposed to be a comforting hand on my back.
"Jack, you were doing what you're supposed to do. I couldn't take care of my people and that's my fault, I'm the one that's not a good commander; my people died out there because I couldn't see the Goa'uld coming." I lash out.
"Don't think like that Sam, that wasn't your fault."
"My father's dead Jack! How am I supposed to tell my brother that? How am I supposed to tell General Hammond that I couldn't even keep watch over a few ships without getting everyone killed?" He didn't respond, probably as shocked by my tone as I was, all I heard was a softly murmured 'I love you' on the way out of my quarters.//
*I am some kind of freak now
and you'll never see me the same
What's all the fuss about
Are you sure you wanna find out
Cause once you know the truth
You might wish you'd walked away*
I manage to go two months without having to converse with any of the former members of SG-1, Jack especially; my former lover is not someone I want to receive anything other than orders from any longer.
Jack does finally manage to corner me on the bridge of 'the Carter' – we were docked together for a 'meeting' with all of the leaders of the fleet and the various alien races involved in the epic struggle. Man, it was starting to sound too much like Star Wars.
"Sam." Is all he says at first, when I turn to look he looks horrible, pale and lanky, even for him. "We need to talk, I know there's something wrong."
*Wanna take a look
Take a look
Wanna take a look
Take a look*
"Something wrong? What makes you think that? The fact that my father is dead? The fact that we're probably never going to make it back to Earth because there are more of the enemy then there are of us? Or the fact that if we do get to Earth again it's going to be back to business as usual?" I feel hopeless, the entire situation seems hopeless to me, even my Asgard engineers seem depressed with how I've been handling their lives.
"Sam, you know how bad I feel about Dad, and *when* we get back to Earth I was kinda planning on us getting married and picking up right where we left off." Marriage? Woah, I hadn't been expecting that one, it's probably just my reward for surviving this war.
"I'm sorry Jack, maybe by the time we get back to Earth things'll be better, but right now I just can't see us continuing our relationship." I leave him, going instead to cry my eyes out like the girl I am unfortunately finding myself to be.
*What if I'm not able
To put my cards on the table
And would it liberate you
If you knew, what I knew*
Daniel comes to me next, asking if there is anything he and the crew of 'the Daniel' can do to assist 'the Carter' in any way. I tell him no, I don't need the help of the rest of the fleet... though we do use their protection when we dock for a short time for some serious repairs.
"Sam, this isn't healthy." Daniel's holographic image tells me in my quarters. "We've been through this stuff together before, why not let us comfort you now, why not let Jack comfort you right now Sam? You need it and he definitely needs it, did you know he was injured last week?" At this my head shoots up to look his hologram in the face. "Yeah, he didn't want the lower ranks within the fleet to know that the Supreme Commander had been injured."
"What happened Daniel?" I ask, sighing slightly, knowing that he's broken through my last barriers, the three words I dread most now are: Jack is dead.
"You know 'the Thor' takes more of a serious beating than we do, it's what, three times the size of the three of us 'minor ships'? Well, someone got a hold of an older mother ship and began firing and part of 'the Thor' buckled and unfortunately Jack was under it, broke his collar bone and his right arm, luckily it wasn't his neck."
"I can't do this any more Daniel. I can't keep coming close to nearly wiping out the Replicators and the Goa'uld only to have them pop up and kill good people for no reason whatsoever. How is Jack doing?" My abrupt change of topic was due to my realizing that I have the tendency to ramble when I'm stressed.
"Jack claims he's sore, from what the Asgard tell me he will be fully healed, it's just going to hurt like a mother for a while." Daniel said with a smile in his voice, finally reading my thoughts for the first time in months.
*It's been over a year now
And I never saw him again
The facts and the fiction collide as the bodies untangle
And the traffic moves on like it did*
Three days later I am finally on board 'the Thor,' I find Jack asleep in his quarters, one arm resting on his chest, the other at his side, apparently that collar bone is still hurting him.
"Jack." I say gently, my lips softly at his ear. "I'm sorry Jack, I lied to you, I love you."
"Sam, you're actually here..." He tried to move over and I winced with him as he remembered his mending bones.
"I was wrong. We don't know where we're going to be tomorrow or next year even. I love you Jack, and I think we should go ahead and get married. It may not be the marital bliss we were fighting so hard for, but it would be something to hold on to, and I know the rest of the fleet wouldn't oppose it." We smiled dumbly at each other knowing that 'the rest of the fleet' was lead by Daniel and Teal'c, they already knew that Jack would send me into danger just as much as he would them. Jack captured my mouth in a searing kiss and I knew we would be the married couple we wanted to be, even if we had to coordinate two Asgard vessels to accommodate us.
*Wanna take a look
Take A look
Wanna take a look
Take A look*
End... Feedback please :-)