Jack spent a further three nights in the infirmary after his ordeal with Ba'al. The Doc had said he was suffering from exhaustion but he knew she wanted to keep an eye on him, to make sure there were no residual effects form the sarcophagus. No effects from the sarcophagus! Just nightmares, which are always preferable.
So now on the fourth night after lying his way through a session with the SGC's resident shrink, which he had done very well, he had been allowed to go home. He planned on drinking himself into a stupor so he could forget the nightmares for at least at night. He could hear the sound of Janet's heals clicking across the floor. She pulled back the curtain, clip board in hand and smiled at him.
"Well Colonel how are you feeling today?" she asked.
"Fine. Great. Very eager to leave your infirmary," he lied. Well not about the infirmary part.
"Colonel O'Neill I'm hurt!" Janet grinned at him.
"Honesty is the best policy I've always said." Again he lied.
Janet raised an eyebrow at him, he wasn't sure if she had picked that up from Teal'c or the other way around. "Mm hmm."
Just at that General Hammond walked into the infirmary with Carter in tow. Janet had insisted on no driving until after his next check up so she had asked Carter to drive him home.
"General, Carter," he said.
"How are you feeling, Jack?" obviously still concerned.
"Back to normal sir. I'm grateful to go home and out of the way of any long, pointy objects." Jack avoided looking at the Doc knowing she was glaring at him from the look on Carter's face.
"You're giving Janet a bad reputation sir," said Carter.
Jack hopped off the bed and out of Janet's reach. "Nothing she doesn't deserve, Major."
"Alright out! I don't want you in my infirmary right now you'll be scaring all my other patients."
General Hammond chuckled and Jack and Sam smiled as Janet tried to keep from laughing.
"Yes mom. Come on Carter, I better leave while I still can."
"Yes sir."
Jack, Sam and General Hammond exited the infirmary leaving Janet to her work. The three walked down the hall to the elevator. They got in and the General hit the button for level twenty seven and then the surface.
"SG-1 are on seventy two hour stand down. Teal'c has left to go see Ry'ac and invited Jonas along. He wanted to experience Jaffa culture."
"Definitely sounds like Jonas," Jack commented.
"I don't want to see either of you on base until Monday, understood?"
"Yes sir," Jack replied.
"Major Carter?" Hammond said fixing her with a stare.
"But sir -" Sam started.
"Major I don't want to hear it. When was the last time you took some leave? Your father would kill me if he knew I let you work as much as you do and he has attempted to on several occasions. I would like to live to see my granddaughters' eighteenth birthdays if you don't mind," General Hammond couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Yes sir. I'll tell him that," Sam laughed.
The elevator doors slid apart and General Hammond stepped out.
"I'll see you both on Monday then."
Jack and Sam nodded in agreement and the elevator made its way to the surface. The took Sam's car and they drove to Jack's house in relative silence.
Jack was deep in thought still replaying what Ba'al and Kanan had done to him. When he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched slightly and Sam retracted her hand.
"Did you hear me sir?"
"Uh… no. Sorry Carter."
"It's okay, I said Teal'c and Jonas went shopping for you before they left."
"You let two aliens go shopping for me?"
"They both have good taste although… varied. I did tell them to get beer and water the plants."
"Okay thanks."
Jack undid his seat belt and opened the car door.
"You coming in for coffee or are you busy?"
"No I'm not busy but shouldn't you rest sir?"
"I slept twelve hours straight in the infirmary last night cause of the Doc's magic pills, I'm not tired." Not that they were an easy twelve hours.
"Okay then."
They got out of the car and Sam followed Jack up the path.
"The light's gone," Sam said.
"I guess that's what happens when I leave them running for two and a half weeks," he didn't see the flash of guilt which crossed Sam's face in the dark.
Jack stopped at the door searching for his keys and finally finding the lock on the door opened it and went inside flicking on the lights as he went. He tossed the keys on the table and dumped is jacket on the back of the couch.
"Make yourself at home. I'll put the coffee on," he said as he walked through to the kitchen. Sam took off her coat and put it over the back of the couch then sat down. She looked around herself, she hadn't been here in a while. Usually the four of them had got together at least once every couple of weeks for drinks and end up back at either his house, her house or Daniel's. Of course now that Daniel was gone… they hadn't done that for some time. Jack came back in and handed her a cup of coffee.
"Thanks," she said.
"Welcome." He didn't sit but stood in the middle of the room staring into space.
And now the awkwardness begins, she thought. Okay, be very brave Samantha. She looked up at him.
"So… you're better?"
"Yep."
"And you talked to MacKenzie?"
He gave her a "what do you think?" look.
"Okay, you lied to MacKenzie. But he was stupid enough to believe you or he couldn't be bothered forcing you to talk and gave you the all clear?"
"What did you expect Carter?"
"Exactly that."
"Its disturbing to know you can read me like a book."
"Only sometimes, if it makes you feel any better."
"No, it really doesn't."
They sat in silence for a few minutes and Sam looked down at her coffee cup.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"If I hadn't… if I hadn't asked you to blend with Kanan none of this would have happened."
"You couldn't have known what would have happened."
"No but I knew you didn't really want to blend. I asked you any way."
"You did it in my best interest."
"No, no I don't think I did."
"What do you mean?"
"I know the last thing you ever wanted was to be a host to a symbiote because you think they're Goa'uld either way. I knew I was wrong to ask you but I did it any way and because of me you ended up being tortured, killed and revived more times than I want to think about. Kanan took your body for a joyride because I asked you to accept him and I'm sorry I did it. All I wanted was for you to get better, I didn't want to lose another person I care about."
The whole time she didn't look up from her coffee, the black puddle seemed to draw her in and shut out the rest of the world out. She didn't look at him when he sat down next to her on the couch, close but not touching. And that was the way they sat for a while until Jack had finally sorted things out in his head and spoke to her.
"When I woke up with the snake in my head in the tunnels. I was terrified, I didn't know what was going on or where I was, I couldn't really remember what had happened and then I heard his voice telling me to calm down and at first… I thought I was having a nightmare because I know I would never allow myself to be taken over by a Gou'ald or a Tok'ra no matter what. But then he showed me the memory of you asking me to blend and it all came back. I remembered lying their and Janet fussing around in the bio-suit and then she moved off slightly and I saw you. I knew that I had agreed so he wasn't breaking the rules but… I was angry."
"At me?" she still wans't looking.
"Partly. I wouldn't have done it if the General or the Doc, Jonas or Teal'c asked… but because it was you…"
Sam smiled sadly. "I know that, I took advantage of it and exploited your trust."
Again he didn't say anything for a few minutes. "When I got to Ba'al's fortress after Kanan had left me I didn't know where I was again. He had forced me beneath the surface it was like I had blacked out."
"I know the feeling."
"Right, Jolinar. I kept getting these flashes, memories, but they weren't mine. I saw some woman her name was Shallan, I think. I thought it was just the number of times he'd… killed me and put me back in the damn sarcophagus that was starting to make me delusional, they way Daniel was a few years back, remember?"
Sam nodded her head.
"I – I didn't want that to happen to me and I swore the next time they came for me I would make a run for it and either escape or get myself killed hopefully for good, I didn't think you guys would ever find me…"
Sam looked at him then and saw the tears which had caused his eyes to water.
"And then it hit me, it was my own fault."
Sam was shocked. "No matter what you think this was not your fault. It was mine and the Tok'ra's fault not yours."
"But that's just it! It wasn't! The snake entered my thoughts, my mind and he knew I didn't leave anyone behind! He went back because he loved her but had left her behind and he felt guilty. So it was my own rules and sense of god damn duty that made him go their!"
He was quietly seething now and his head was pounding. He was angry and upset, he felt not only as if he had been used by the Tok'ra Kanan but violated by him. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes to stop the headache but it wasn't working.
Sam watched knowing exactly how he felt, used. The same way she felt when Jolinar had screwed with her head although she had sort of redeemed herself by sacrificing her life for Sam's.
She put the coffee cup down on the floor then turned to her CO and gently put her hands around his wrists praying he wasn't going through another memory and accidentally back handed her. He didn't and allowed her to take his hands from his face. Sam placed her hand on his cheek and she could feel the anger coursing through him, his eyes still threatened water but she knew he wouldn't cry. She turned to face him then pulled him towards her into a hug. He stiffened for a moment but then relaxed and buried his face in her neck as she stroked the back of his head.
"It's okay Jack, you're home now. He won't get you again." Sam knew it was possible Ba'al could get him again but she would do what she could to stop it from happening and it wouldn't happen any time soon.
After staying like that for a long time Jack pulled away from her feeling slightly embarrassed but eternally grateful for what she had done.
"Thank you. I know it can't be easy putting up with all the shit you get from me but… I'm glad you do."
Sam smiled at him and things seemed a little brighter. "It's not easy sometimes but I'd rather put up with it than not have it at all. So just don't go dying any time soon."
"I'll try not to," he grinned. It wasn't the fake smile he had plastered on his face for Fraiser, General Hammond or the nurses, it was very much real.
Sam picked up her coffee cup and his to put them in the kitchen. When she came back she picked up her jacket from the couch and turned to face him as he stood up.
"I'd better get going."
"Sure."
"If you have any… nightmares or flashes call me okay?"
"I promise."
He walked her to the door and opened it for her.
"See you on Monday sir."
"Will do. Can you give me a lift in?"
"Of course."
Jack nodded his thanks and she stepped outside into the dark. She made it half way down the path before he called her name.
"Carter?"
She turned back to him, he was silhouetted against the light from inside the house.
"Thanks. Again."
"Any time sir."
She went to her car, climbed in and once she was out of sight Jack closed his door.
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Story Notes: Notes: I'm supposed to be on study leave from school but there are re-runs playing on TV, couldn't help myself. Thanks to Nicole for beta reading this for me.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]