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Story Notes: Diaries part I: Its's a part from a fourth part story,and it says things that some of sgc's personnel write in their diaries,


It hurts, it hurts to see thhim neer me knowing that I can't have him, knowing that he knows my feelings, that I know his feelings, his thoughts. God, I was warned before I've walked in the meeting that he's a hard person to deal with, that he wants the best out of an officer and even more from all the officers he leads, but what I didn't know was that he is a responsable officer, that he can be so funny, that I could thrust him with my life amd yet that I could be so madly, so stupidly, so foolishly in love with him. So what on earth am I suppose to do ? Neither one of us would leave sg-1, or wouldn't do something like saying: "C'me on over for dinner, and who kows maybe for something more afterwards,"but only the thought of loosing , seeing him killed, or seeing him with another woman makes me go mad, and I get so tempted to kill someone I admit I can't blame him for having a relationship with another woman when I had relationships with other guys as well.I'll just have to get over it and to start looking after my relationship with Pete and to try to be happy with him, cause that's what people like gen. Hammond, dad, Teal'c and even Mark expect me to do. I just wish that Janet and Daniel would approve my decision and that they would stpo saying things like : " Go for it", "fight for him", "You've got only one life to live" and even"Don't miss your chance". But if they don't I think that one of these days I'll have it their way, who knows?On the other hand I wonder how things between Janet- Daniel-Sarah-Jonas will turn out in the end?They're so confused and it will be a shame to see them suffer because of their feelings. In the end maybe it's not just pain I'm feeling,I'm rather confused...I think that I'll go to Jack's cabin after all, I really need to clear my feelings towards him once and for all...




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