It was the wine.
It *had* to be the wine. Though she hadn't drank that much. Just a glass while waiting for everyone to get there and another glass, one she was halfway through, that she'd ordered to go with her main course.
Hmm. Not enough wine then.
Maybe it was off?
Or maybe there was something wrong with the starter she'd had.
No. That didn't work. She'd shared a starter with Daniel and he wasn't acting any stranger than usual. Wasn't behaving as though there was something out of the ordinary.
Damn.
What else could it be?
Something in the air?
No because, again, Daniel was okay. So were Teal'c and the General so there went that idea.
'Think, Sam, think.'
There had to be a reason for it. A plausible, sane reason that hopefully didn't result in her being locked up in a nice white padded cell with Mackenzie as a regular visitor.
No. She shuddered. There had to be a reason for it.
She closed her eyes briefly while her friends continued their animated discussion on the pros and cons of science fiction movies and prayed that when she opened them everything would be normal.
She opened one eye and peered to the left of her.
Shut it again.
"Carter?" The General was staring at her in concern when she opened her eyes and she realised the conversation had either come to an end or had paused because they'd noticed her silence. "You okay?"
"Fine. Absolutely fine, Sir." She smiled – a little too brightly, she knew – and pushed her chair back from the table, all the while careful not to look to her left. "If you guys will excuse me, I'll be right back."
"Okay."
They didn't look convinced.
Heck, she wasn't convinced either.
She made it all the way to the ladies room without incident, without looking back, and ran the cold tap at one of the sinks. Leaning down, she splashed her face with the icy water, remembering belatedly that she was wearing slightly more make-up than usual so would have to take the time to fix it before rejoining the others, but the cold water against her skin helped so she didn't mind.
Until she straightened, that was, and saw more than her reflection in the mirror staring back at her.
"Boo," was the first thing her dead best friend said to her, a big smile curving her lips.
=*=
"Sam? Come on, sweetie, open the door."
"No."
Janet sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're being very childish, you know."
"Childish?"
"Yes. I just said 'boo'."
The door to the cubicle opened and Janet was treated to a full-force Sam Carter glare. "You didn't just say boo. You're here."
"And that's a problem?"
"It is when you're dead."
Janet shrugged and rolled her eyes. "You always did nitpick everything."
"I do not."
"Do too," Janet challenged. "Remember when we watched Contact with Cassie? You spent the whole movie pointing out what wasn't scientifically possible."
Sam scowled, unable to deny it. Unable to believe what she was seeing. "You're still dead."
"Pretty much but what can you do?"
"Go away and be dead somewhere else?" Sam suggested hopefully.
Janet smirked. "Sorry, hon, I'm here for a reason."
"Oh? And what would that be? To have me locked up for talking to myself? For thinking I can see you when no one else can?"
"No, that's just a nice side benefit. Kidding," Janet added with another eye roll. "Geez, Sam, you really have to lighten up."
Sam glared.
Janet met the glare with an even gaze.
Sam's eyes began to water but she was determined not to give in, determined not to break first.
"Just a tip but I can do this for a lot longer than you can. I'm not really here, remember?" Janet's smirk returned when the blond woman caved. "Now that's out of the way, you better redo your make-up and get back out there before they send someone looking for you."
"I'm not going back out there until you go away."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Then how are you going to explain locking yourself in the ladies restroom without sounding crazy to them when they come in here? And you know they will." Janet grinned and winked. "Especially the Colonel. No, sorry. General. I have a hard time remembering that. Oh, and congratulations, Colonel. Can't say I know anyone who deserves it more."
Sam groaned and turned away, retreating to the sinks. She stood staring at her reflection in the mirror – staring herself in the eye so she wouldn't be tempted to look anywhere else. "This isn't real. This isn't real. It's just the wine or something that didn't agree with me. This. Isn't. Real."
Janet chuckled from beside her. "Believe what you want to believe but I can tell you that at this moment Jack's trying to persuade Daniel to come and look for you. You're running out of time, Sam."
"Then go away and leave me alone."
"Now is that anyway to talk to a friend?" Janet pouted when Sam's eyes shifted to rest on her. "I'm not here to hurt you or upset you, Sam. I just wanted to stop by and say hello."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why now? Why wait this long if you – and I'm not saying I believe you're you and not a figment of my imagination – could come back and say something?" Sam turned away from the mirrors and stared at the former doctor, studied her.
Certainly looked like Janet. Freaky.
Her friend shrugged and glanced away momentarily. "To be honest, I figured you might need someone. You've been through a lot, Sam. Losing your father, breaking up with Pete, thinking Daniel was dead. Again. I tell you, that guy needs a keeper."
"You could've done that but you died."
"I know and I'm sorry." Seeing tears well up in Sam's eyes, Janet took a step closer and held out a hand, hovering but not touching her friend’s arm. She couldn't touch, couldn't feel. She *was* dead, after all. "I didn't mean to die, you know."
"Then why did you?" It was irrational and stupid and she knew it was a really dumb question but Sam couldn't stop herself from asking it. Couldn't hold back the emotions and resentment she'd kept locked up for so long. "You shouldn't have gone on that mission, Janet. You should've stayed at the SGC and flirted with Bregman and then you wouldn't have died."
"But Airman Wells would have died in my place," Janet reminded her softly. "And his little girl would never have known her father."
Sam glared at her and took a step back. "What about Cassie? She'd already lost one mother, you went and made her lose another!"
Janet closed her eyes and willed the tears away. She was dead, damn it. Weren't there rules against crying? "I know, Sam, and I wish I could still be here with her. I wish I could make all the hurt she felt go away and I wish I could take away your pain, too, but I can't. It happened. It *had* to happen. I don't like it or understand it anymore than you do but we can't change it."
"Why not?" It was a childish question, asked in a childish voice and Sam angrily brushed aside tears she couldn't hold back anymore.
"I don't know," Janet admitted. "I just don't know."
They were silent for a while, the silence punctuated by occasional sniffs, breaking when there was a timid knock at the door seconds before it opened and Daniel's head appeared around it.
"Sam? You in here?"
Sam glanced up. Janet was gone. She tried to hide the moisture on her cheeks but failed.
"Oh, Sam." He pushed the door open full and stepped into the room, wrapping his arms around her.
"I'm okay." The slight squawk to her voice suggested otherwise but she did what she could to smile bravely and pushed away from him. "Just give me a few minutes. I'll be right out."
Daniel stared at her uncertainly. "Are you sure?"
"Positive. I'll be fine. Just let me touch up my make-up and I'll be right out."
He nodded and left her again. Sam closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip. Hard.
"I wish I could comfort you." The voice was quiet, soft. Apologetic. She opened her eyes and found Janet was there again, staring at her through moist eyes. "I wished, after the memorial service, after the funeral. I wished so badly that I could be there with you and Cassie but it doesn't work that way, Sam. I tried. I really, really tried but I couldn't.. I can't.."
Janet broke off and turned away. Her shoulders shook.
Sam reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder but withdrew at the last minute. What use would it be? "Why are you here now?"
"Because I thought you needed me. Because I wanted to cheer you up."
Sam sniffed. "Yeah. That's working."
"I'm sorry. I should go, I'm making it worse.."
"No!"
Janet turned around, eyebrows raised.
Sam shrugged uncomfortably and looked away. "At least stay till I have to go back out there? I do need you. Really."
"I'd say you need to fix your make-up even more. The stripy zebra look is so last season."
They smiled at each other, a little strained, but both turned back to the sinks. Sam opened her purse and rummaged around, pulling out the few items she'd managed to fit into it. She repaired her make-up the best she could under Janet's watchful gaze, obediently following instruction when it was given.
After five minutes she was smiling. *Genuinely* smiling. "Thanks, Jan. You were always better at the girly stuff than me."
Janet shrugged and smiled. "I have a teenager daughter, it comes with the territory."
Again they stood in silence.
Sam chewed her bottom lip and spent longer than necessary rearranging the items in her purse. "Do you have to go?"
"I'm afraid so, yeah."
"Straight away?"
An eyebrow rose. "I could hang around for a bit but wouldn't that be a distraction?"
"From what? I'm the only person here."
"You can't hide in here forever, Sam. By now Daniel will have told them you were crying and if I'm not wrong, the General's on his way here." Janet smiled a little knowingly. "He still cares about you."
"I know."
"A lot more than he's supposed to," Janet quoted from memory, her smile slightly wicked.
Sam sighed. "I know."
"Is that a problem?"
"You've asked that before."
"I know. You lied to me then." Janet's eyebrow quirked again when Sam shot her a look. "You going to lie to me now?"
"No."
"No you're not going to lie or no it's not a problem?"
"Both." Sam shrugged and returned her gaze to the mirrors, her eyes finding Janet's disbelieving ones. "It isn't a problem. I know he'll always be there for me. I'll always be there for him, too. We just have to wait a little bit longer, that's all."
"Maybe," Janet murmured, lowering her gaze and biting her lip to keep back a mischievous smile. "Maybe you won't have to wait as long as you think."
"I'll wait as long as I have to," Sam murmured, busying herself with the zipper of her purse. "Now I know there's definitely something there to wait for."
"Carter?" The voice didn't belong to the woman who was – had been – beside her and Sam looked to the door to find the General's head peering around it much in the same way Daniel's had just a few minutes before, with almost exactly the same concerned look on his face. "You okay?"
"I'm fine, Sir." The smile she gave him was genuine.
He stared at her, obviously unconvinced, as she walked towards him, held open the door for her and looked past her into the empty room. "I could've sworn I heard voices.. You weren't talking to yourself, were you?"
"No," she answered honestly, her smile growing just a little. "And I don't have any plants in my purse before you ask."
"Good to know." Still, he cast a final glance over the room before turning to follow her out. "Hey, Carter, while you were gone, the guys and me were talking about going up to the cabin for a few days, do a little fishing, soak a little sun. You interested?"
She thought about saying no.
It was against regulations; he was still her superior officer. It would be inappropriate.
"It'll only be inappropriate if you let something happen," a little voice reminded her. A voice that wasn't inside her head but one only she seemed to hear. "Which you won't. He won't. Your career means as much to him as it does to you."
"Carter?"
"Go for it, Sam. As friends. Take a little R and R. You deserve it."
Sam let him hold out her chair for her, smiled winningly at the concerned expressions on Daniel and Teal'c's faces. "Okay, I'm game."
The look on his face was comical and she almost wished she had a camera. "Okay?"
"Yeah. I'll come fishing with you guys. Not that we'll catch any fish," she added with a wink at Teal'c. The Jaffa smiled back.
"Okay. Cool." Jack grinned, the surprise easing from his features.
Sam sat back in her chair and listened half-heartedly to the conversation that resumed – the topic of which had shifted from science fiction and was rapidly turning into a heated debate on whether The Simpsons had any bearing on real life – and joined in occasionally, agreeing with either Daniel or the General, depending on which of them turned to her first.
'I miss you, Janet,' she thought, hoping her friend could hear.
"I miss you, too, Sam. All of you. But I'm still around. Remember that."
The conversation stopped suddenly. The three men looked at each other and at her in confusion.
"What?"
"Nothing, I just thought.."
"I was sure.."
"I believe I heard Doctor Fraiser's voice."
Sam smiled, her eyes stinging but she blinked the moisture away. "You must be hearing things."
"Must be." Daniel shrugged and launched into a new topic – the results of a new dig in Cairo – with Teal'c occasionally asking questions to fuel his speech.
Sam caught Jack's gaze, caught the question in his eyes and smiled, lifting her glass in a silent toast in the memory of her gone but not forgotten friend.
=*=
End.
Story Notes: Author's Notes: Written for the SJFicathon for Matt1969, who requested Janet, friendship and dinner. Thanks must go to Ruth M. King for helping me out of a hole and Fairygnomes for being a good beta and pointing out the zipper of purpose. (Don't ask.)
Link: http://randomramblings.faithweb.com/fanfiction/advice.htm
Link: http://randomramblings.faithweb.com/fanfiction/advice.htm
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]