samandjack.net

Story Notes: EMAIL: dustdevil@btinternet.com

WARNINGS: Language, pretty mature themes later on

FEEDBACK: Yes please! Feeeeeeeeeeedbaaaaaaaaack...drool...

SPOILERS: Uh...don't think so...but it's set season 3.


"Underneath your dreamless eyes
Shades of sleep, have driven you away
The moon is pale outside
And you are far from here

Breathing shifts your careless hair
Untroubled by the chaos of our lives
Another day, another night
Has taken you again my dear

And you know, I'm gonna be the one
Who'll be there, when you need someone to depend on
When tomorrow comes

When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)

Last night, you were lying in my arms
And I was wondering where you were
And though you looked just like a baby
Fast asleep in this dangerous world

With the stars shining brightly
It's like a million years before
And you were feeling very small
Underneath the universe

And you know, I'm gonna be the one
Who'll be there, when you need someone to depend on
When tomorrow comes

When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)"

When Tomorrow Comes - The Eurythmics




***************************************




Trapped.

Trapped in this humid watery prison, left to wallow in my own misery.

Maybe I'm becoming a little maudlin with my long imprisonment and old age, but I've certainly had plenty of time to think. It's not something generally attributed to us, but I do do it from time to time. I only wish I had someone to talk to. My uh...companion hasn't been one for conversation for a long time. He's gone now, and I certainly wish that I'd gone with him. Not that I liked him, I mean it's not my position to like him, that's not what this is all about, but at least he was better than nothing.

Oh I don't have any misconceptions, believe me. This is where I am and no doubt this is where I'll stay for the rest of my life.

Welcome to my world.




***************************************




We don't get to see Carter much anymore.

Not since we got here.

It's takes its toll on us, and especially her.

And when we do see her, it's never enough.

Normally it's not much more than brushing past each other in the corridor when they drag us from here to there. We reach out and clutch at each other for a second, eyes checking that the other is okay, a brief smile of assurance, and then gone. Occasionally we have time for a few whispered words but they don't like us speaking, and we've learned not to push it too much. Well, okay then the others have. I guess I always did take longer to learn my lessons, especially those that amount to 'prisoners must not speak unless spoken too' I guess I made that mistake again, judging by the fact I've just woken from what I know to be unconsciousness and not sleep. And judging by the pain arcing down the left hand side of my jaw...Yep...looks like I pushed my luck and paid for it. I groan and shift on the floor, and check that all my limbs respond. Good, all four present and checking in. Last time they hit me so hard I couldn't feel my legs when I woke. Scared the hell out of me. A few hours and they eventually came back under my control, and that sure made me obedient for a while. Those guards really know their job.

"Daniel? He is awake"

I hear scuffling to my left and wearily open my eyes. A hand touches my shoulder and I follow the line of the arm to a face, a thankfully very familiar face. Daniel.

"Jack? Are you okay?"

"Daniel! Hey buddy...guess they decided to be nice and put us in the same cell today huh?"

He grabs my shoulders and attempts to haul me upright. I manage it with a groan. I stretch my aching body and grind my itchy back against the crude brick wall. Well it's good to be back. They split us up a while back cause they were convinced that Daniel and I were making plans to escape. They were right of course, so I guess we'll have to be more careful.

"What did you do this time Jack?"

Another voice sounds and I turn to face it's owner. He shakes his head and pokes at my chest with a spindly finger.

"Not much Jima, just spoke to Carter that's all. We had a nice little chat about the weather and the state of last nights TV, nothing much"

Daniel shakes his head and Jima just rolls his eyes. It's funny, this guy has only known me for about two weeks and he already gives me the same looks Daniel does when I make my jokes. Are they that bad? I mean, I know they're bad, just not that bad. I guess I miss Carter. If she were here she'd laugh, but she's not is she? I knew she shoulda pretended she was a he. Okay so they woulda seen right through it, but her face was all muddy and she has short hair and was wearing pants. Yeah right, I've worked beside her as a soldier for all this time and seen her fight and struggle and all the rest of it, and there was not a single moment when I wasn't aware that she was a woman. Mind you, I think they get looked after better than us, the women. Oh they have to work like we do, but at least she always looks kinda clean when I see her.

Most times.

"Is she okay?" Daniel asks, concern evident in his voice. Things are starting to follow a pattern here. We get dragged out, and then get dragged in. We work our bleeding fingers to the bone and once every couple of days we see Carter. We get back and ask each other the usual questions and then sleep. That's a bad sign. When things start to settle and you get used to it, I find that escape determination starts to waver a little bit. Okay so I guess there's a trade off between escape determination and knowing the place and the guards movements making it easier to get out, but we've been here over two weeks in total now, and I won't stop trying. Not ever. I stare at the ground as I think this, and Daniel grabs my fatigues.

"Is she?"

I look up, and his blue eyes are shaded with concern. Even Jima looks concerned, and he's never even met her.

"She wasn't very compus mentas when I saw her Daniel. Looked like she'd been beaten"

I look away then, and Jima puts a hand on Daniel's shoulder as his body sags. It's funny how quickly Jima has come to support us, but he just seems like that kinda guy. He's been here for over a month, and funnily enough was captured just where we were. He's a weasily little guy, and judging by his unkempt black hair, missing teeth and badly healed broken arm, he hasn't exactly been a model prisoner in his time either. I struggle more upright and take a hold of Daniel's arm. He opens his mouth to ask for details but I shake my head. I can't talk about what I saw, and hell it's not something I like to even think about.

I was being dragged 'home' from work, and as I was hauled round the corner I saw Carter being hauled down the 'womans' corridor that intersected with ours. I always look out for her cause our 'walkies' times seem to coincide, so I was craning my neck towards their cells when I saw her. A couple of guards were supporting her between us, and I could tell at once that things weren't right. She hung limply in their grasp and I could clearly see bruises on her face and exposed arms.

"Carter! Carter! Talk to me Carter! Are you okay? Sam!"

And that's the last thing I saw before my escort whacked me. I guess I knew it was coming, but I had to try and see if she would respond. She didn't. She didn't even move. Okay Jack, she can't be dead, or they wouldn't be carrying her back to her cell would they? No, so let's not even go there. But what the hell did she do to get beaten like that? Let's hope a beating is all she got. Please let that be all. I can't remember this clearly but I think maybe that her fatigues looked a bit ripped if you know what I mean. They better not have. If any of those scum so much as laid a finger on her in that way I'll kill them. I'm gonna kill them for beating her, but if they did anything else...I'll kill them. One by one if needs be.

"Jack, Daniel, the food is here!"

Jima rushes off with the other four prisoners to the food flap in the door, and Daniel comes behind me and tries to lift me to my feet. You're not allowed to have your food brought to you here, either you get it yourself or you get none at all, and you have to eat all your own food while being watched. Makes sure the working class is kept fit, weeds out the weak and useless. If you don't get up, you get no food, you get weaker. Eventually you die. But you still have to work every day. Luckily though most people die at work, but one of the guys in this cell...uh...Eanne I think his name was, he died here. He was mostly gone by the time we were put in these cells, and he lay here for days before they moved him. That affected Daniel a lot. I mean he's seen people killed and all the rest of it, but he hasn't had to sleep and eat next to a corpse before, and his eyes still often flick to that patch of straw in the corner where no-one goes.

And me? I took it all in my stride. Tough old soldier me, ex-POW. Been there, seen that, lived it Daniel. And yet somehow, I'm almost jealous of the way he is. Prison live doesn't agree with him at all. Daniel needs freedom and sunlight to thrive. And me? I guess I do thrive here. Adversity, seemingly insurmountable odds, mental and physical cruelty. Brings out the best in me. Like I say, I'm almost jealous. And Carter? Well I don't even know how she's taking this. Most of the time she seems fine, seems strong, but I wonder just how much of it is for my benefit.

I hope she's okay.




***************************************




Ugh.

The food hatch creaks open and the other women throng around it. Somehow my stomach overrides the rest of me and I clutch the wall and use it to get to my feet. By the time I approach the door the other women have moved aside, and a wooden bowl is thrust into my hands. I take it and greedily spoon the thick gluey mixture into my mouth. Not the most appetising of foods, but judging by the fact that I'm still fairly healthy, and that these women, some of whom have been here for ages, seem mostly okay, I can only assume it contains the requisite vitamins and minerals and protein to keep a work force going. I finish the food quickly, and snake a finger inside to scoop round the bottom before the bowl is snatched away and the door closed once more. I go back to my corner and settle down there sucking on my finger to extract the last molecules of nutrition, and one of the women sits by my side. It's always chat time after meals. The women here are usually pretty friendly, and I guess the feeding regime helps. If it were a free-for-all situation, then I guess things would be a little more fraught, but our position as workers seems so important that they want to make sure all of us get our daily allowance. This then of course removes any need for a violently enforced hierarchy among the prisoners, but it still gets a little tense until everyone has eaten. I don't know why, I guess there's always a chance that things could change, and everyone wants to be ready. I wonder if it's the same for the guys? Mind you, female and male hierarchies work very differently.

I've always been aware of the 'top dog' system that operates between females at a place of work, even though it's mostly a subconscious thing. When a new female arrives, she is instantly aware of who the 'top dog' is, and oblivious to any males, there then ensues a short lived 'hackles up' time, during which the women circle each other and evaluate each others status and potential, and also their right to be top dog. To men though, this must appear just like two laughing chatting women, but oh no, the underlying currents can be very complicated. Once that confrontation period is over, the women either become friends or decide to be indifferent towards each other. Occasionally this can lead to open antagonism, but thankfully friends or at least tolerance is more likely. In my case, we all got past that stage, and are also united by our prisoner status. But boy am I glad the rest of SG1 are all guys. I always did get on better with guys. Nothing to do with being a tomboy, it's just that guys tend to be easier going, not so false. And hell if they don't like you, it's clear and obvious for all to see, women on the other hand, are very different. I know a lot of women who hate at least a few of their 'friends' It's weird I admit, but that's the way we are. Fairer sex...huh...more like subtle, talk behind your back, two-faced sex.

Not that I'm immune, I guess I'm as guilty as the next woman. I know that my feelings towards Captain Lucy Hayes are not accurately portrayed in my interactions with her, but I like to think that's me being nice and putting up with her, not me being two faced. Damn her and her sparkling green eyes and her beautiful long black hair. She's a proper Irish looking beauty, I guess that's why Colonel O'Neill likes her so much. Doesn't explain why I don't like her though. I don't know, it's just something about her.

"Are you all right Sam?"

A slim and graceful hand touches my shoulder, and I turn and smile at my companion. I guess I must look a sight. Mind you, she doesn't look much like a beauty queen or anything at the moment either. Her blue eyes are puffy and red, her cheeks permanently glowing from the heat in the boiler room where she works, and her once proud frame is now lanky and swathed in rags. She looks about twice her forty years.

"I'm fine Silla, I guess they didn't like me saying no" I rearrange my fatigues, well aware of the new rips in the shoulder and arms. I guess I thought this day would come. The day when the guards didn't take me straight back to my cell, but tried a little detour first. Obviously I resisted. They pushed me about for a bit, then when I tried to run they hit me. Then I was dragged semi-conscious along the corridor.

"Did they...touch you?"

"No...just roughed me up a little. At least we're allowed to say no"

Silla shakes her head then, her face losing a little of its colour as it attempts to pale. Her fingers claw at my jacket, and the others turn to watch the rest of the conversation.

"They'll change it Sam, they'll make it so you have to say yes..."

"What do you mean?"

Silla gulps, and one of the older women, Branth, stands from her position in the far corner and walks over, her large frame cutting out some of the torch light as she advances on us. The others scurry closer, eager to hear a tale. I can tell this is one tale I'd rather not hear.

"Silla speaks the truth new one, they'll make it impossible to say no. They have to, where do you think they get all the workers from? Not many are caught, like us, most of them are bred here"

I was right. Branth says this with a sneer, but it's not meant for me, it's for them. The other women look around at each other and clutch hands. This seems like news to them as well.

"Bred?" I gasp. Branth nods slowly, and Silla joins her. The others huddle so close it's hard to see where one woman begins and another ends.

"Either the guards get you with child, or another prisoner does, it matters little to them. You have a pretty face though, in your case it might matter more"

Branth looks around the women, and they all nod at her. She moves back to the other side of the room then, and the others follow. Silla still sits by my side, watching me as I try and take this new news in. I hope we get the hell out of here soon.

"They will wait a while to make sure you are fertile and not already with child. You're not are you?"

"Uh no...no I'm not. And...then?"

"Then you will be moved. Only captured prisoners stay in these cells. Fertile women live better, and then they are paired off. You then get to live well until your child is old enough to be removed from you. Then it starts again"

Oh my God. Is that the kind of life I'd have here? To be a Goddam baby factory? Certainly not the life I'd imagined. Hell I hadn't ever really given much thought to maybe having a baby at all one day. I just assumed it would eventually happen, some time fairly far off in the future. Not this...definitely not this!

"Perhaps you will be lucky, perhaps one of your men will pick you"

"They will be allowed to choose?"

"They will be made to choose. Once they have been monitored and sorted those chosen for breeding males will choose a mate"

Silla sighs beside me and draws her knees up to her chin.

"Then I will see my husband again"

"I'm sure you will Silla, I'm sure you will"

I try and comfort Silla, but all I can think about is what lies ahead. Oh God...oh please let Daniel or the Colonel chose me! That is going to be my only way out of here! And I'd get to see one of them again. It's alright for them, they get to be together. Okay, so maybe one more female member of SG1 wouldn't be too bad. Mind you, it'd probably be that Captain Hayes...why am I so hostile to her? No...I'm not, I'm very nice to her, I just feel hostile inside. Anyway, the others. I hope the Colonel is behaving himself. The last time I saw him he was being dragged along the corridor, and it looked like he'd already been given a bit of a beating. Hopefully Daniel will keep him in line, and between the two of them they will be able to get us out of here. Not that I'm not going to try, just that there's two of them, and my companions here seem somewhat resigned to their fate. Well I won't be. I'm not staying. I wonder if they've sent teams after us? Mind you, I'm pretty sure we're not on the planet we went to, so that's not going to help. At least they'll find Teal'c, well I hope they do. He was hurt, but he was right by the gate. Either he got himself home or the others found him. I have to believe that. Maybe he saw what happened to us, maybe he saw where they took us.

Maybe he can help get us out.




***************************************




"Any change?"

"Not yet General, I'm afraid Teal'c took a bit of a pounding. It's up to his symbiote now, there's nothing I can do"

"Okay Doctor, but he has to come back to us as soon as possible"

"I know sir, but we have to let him recover in his own time"

"We may not have whatever time he needs Doctor, the rest of SG1 are no-where to be seen, and I know Teal'c would want to start looking for them as soon as possible"

"So there was no sign of where they went?"

"I'm afraid not Doctor Frasier. Their footprints went less than a hundred metres in, then back to the gate where we found Teal'c. Then they simply seemed to vanish. We're searching the planet, but we can only conclude they went, or were taken, through the stargate"

"They could be anywhere..."

"Yes they could, but we will not stop the search until we have eliminated every possible eventuality. I am not fond of pronouncing people MIA or DIA without due reason"

"Yes General"




***************************************




Uh-oh.

I hear the guards coming.

I don't like it when they come at the wrong time. For the last week everything's been like clockwork. At least I now know Carter's alright. Daniel saw her yesterday and she gave him a thumb's up and looked okay. Thank God. She seems to be coping well. I haven't seen her for almost ten days now. Not that I don't believe Daniel, just that I'd like to see her with my own eyes and convince myself. I feel guilty enough for getting us stuck here.

I glance at my watch then and yeah, the next meal isn't due for almost half an hour. I glance across at Daniel and Jima, and they have realised it as well. One of the other men yells something about the sorting, then runs to the back of the room. We all scramble to our feet, and I position myself by Daniel's side. We've finished work for today, and my hands are aching from carrying logs. I've never had so many splinters in my life. So a full and rewarding day of hard labour followed by picking slivers of wood from my hands. Not only is this planet probably covered in trees, but I get the job of carrying all of them from one room to another. Daniel got off lightly. He used to work the logs with me until one of the guards spotted him trynna read some of the writing off the walls. It seems he succeeded, as now he spends a few hours a day looking at big dusty books. Typical.

The door swings in then, and two large guards stand in the light of the sterile corridor. It's funny, when I first saw these guys I'd swear they were Jaffa, but it turns out that they're not. They don't have snakes in their guts, and as far as we can tell there are no goa'uld on the planet, not that Carter could pick up on anyway. Danny had a think on this subject, and after watching for a couple of days, he said this whole situation was ironic. It seems that the goa'uld must have been here at some point, but in their prolonged absence, some of the locals decided to play at being people who were playing at being Gods. These guys never take down their masks. Now that could be because they're broken or they can't work them, but I reckon it's cause there are some ordinary blokes under there, that probably don't look particularly scary. Instead of close fitting chain mail armour, these guys wear bulky boxy stuff to make them look big. I bet they don't have cool eye make up or gold brands neither. Impostors of impostors, it's almost too much. For a few days Danny and I tried to tell the others that these guys weren't the scary ol' snake heads, but the other guys just stared at us and we gave up. I suppose it doesn't really matter after all. Real goa'ulds or not, these guys have big guns and own the prisons, and we are just the prisoners.

"Everybody up and out!"

We do as we're told. I grumble a bit as we move out, but Daniel nudges me in the ribs and I shut up. Yeah okay, I guess we better see what's going down before I start making a scene and get myself a slap upside the head.

We're marched out down the corridor and to the left into a larger corridor that leads into one of the brightly lit wooden assembly halls that we first came to in. As we go it's my turn to nudge Danny as I see the women being led out of their corridor and also being driven towards the hall. Daniel and I try and crane our necks above the others to find Carter, but we don't see her. Her green BDU's usually stand out, but there are so many people we're probably best waiting till we get inside. The women stay separated from the men by a sort of wire fence that stretches to the roof, but once we're in there they normally let us roam about as we want, so we should get a chance to talk before we find out whatever it is we're to know, or do...or whatever. No point worrying about it till we find out.

Daniel, Jima and I move to the back of the room to make space, and the rest of the fifty or so guys are moved in. The women file in the other side, and couples and families snatch a few minutes to reunite, fingers twining through the woven wire. Suddenly I catch sight of short blonde hair. I grab Daniel's shirt and haul him towards the fence, pleased to see Carter is naturally gravitating towards us as well. Jima follows in our wake suffering from having nothing better to do. We wind our way to the fence and once there I thread my fingers through and stretch my length up against it, craning over the women on the other side.

"Carter? Carter! Over here!"

Suddenly her face appears from the crowd, and she grins and waves and makes her way over with a few women in tow. She always makes friends, even in situations like this. Well I'm glad she has someone to talk to where she is, I hate the fact that she's separated from us. I always feel protective of her. Yeah, probably too protective. God I am so glad to see with my own eyes that she's okay.

"Sir! Daniel! Are you both okay?"

"We're fine Carter, are you okay? I saw you got a beating last week"

I speak quietly when I say this, but I see no real horror reflected in her eyes. Instead she grins ruefully and shakes her head. Daniel looks concerned but she brushes it off.

"Nothing I can't handle sir. Do you know what's going on?"

"Not really, I was hoping you could shed some light on the situation"

One of Carter's companions, a broad well built woman steps close to the fence, and the other women gather around her.

"This is the sorting. All the prisoners will be sorted out, to determine what they will spend the rest of their days doing"

Carter and Daniel look at me, and the large woman holds her head high.

"Yeah? And just how do you know so much about it?"

The woman bristles and draws herself up to her full length.

"I was here when I was younger, and I managed to get free"

I press closer to the fence and stare the woman in the eye. Carter looks rather surprised at this, it's obvious she didn't know. C'mon Major, no slipping on me, you should have found this out days ago.

"And just how did you escape?" I ask, when I am interrupted by a yelling guard.

"Silence! Prepare to be sorted! If you are chosen go with the guards to your new quarters"

Disturbed for the moment I let go of the fence and face front. Carter is very skittish on the other side, and I wish I could ask her what the matter is. Maybe she knows what's going down. I raise an eyebrow at her but she just shakes her head as guards start to move among the crowd. I extend one arm and take a handful of Daniel's jacket in my fingers. I won't let them separate us. No way. I take a hold of the fence next to Carter's shoulder with my other hand and she moves so her shoulder is brushing my fingertips. I'm afraid that if they try and take her then there's nothing I can do, but I have to make some sort of point, show her that I'll try my best. She gives me a brief smile as she stands hugging herself, and the chief guard gets up on a platform at the other end of the hall.

"Prisoners for the kitchens!"

The guards move among us and single out a few individuals. Most of them chosen seem to be older and also fatter. Maybe they think these people must know how to cook. I have no idea if this is what they base their choices on, but several people are lead rather meekly off. Movement to my left attracts me and I see the large woman being led away from Carter's side. Carter places a hand on her shoulder before she goes and the woman does the same with a brief smile. Okay so maybe I misjudged her, the other women huddle close to Carter and her skinny companion now, and Carter turns to meet my questioning eyes.

"Branth said that the kitchens are a good place to be sent"

I nod and turn back to the crowd. Oh well, it looks like the kitchens have their quota. A few men have gone and most of the older woman from Sam's side as well. More guards stride among the crowd then, and a new announcer steps up to the podium.

"Prisoners for the boiler rooms"

The skinny woman by Carter whimpers and clutches her fatigues. Carter does her best to comfort the woman, but it seems obvious that this woman has just heard her fate. Sure enough, guards push past the others and haul the woman away. The guards have to push at Carter to get the woman to let go of her, and I feel anger start to swell in my throat, but as the woman is dragged off Carter gets to her feet and moves back to my side seemingly none the worse for wear. As the woman is dragged with a selection of older prisoners towards the door she screams something back at us. Carter nods at the retreating woman and I press close to the fence, my voice going mostly unheard in the commotion.

"What did she say?"

"She wants to me to look out for her husband, Eanne"

Oh. I nod at Carter and focus my attention back to the front of the hall. Both Daniel and Jima meet my eyes, but I shake my head. No point telling Carter about Eanne's fate now is there, won't make no difference. He's dead and it looks like his wife is headed the same way. Most of the people who I knew had worked in the boiler room I never saw again after a few weeks. It seems like the survival rate ain't too great there.

The selection continues, and the numbers in the hall start to fall. Most of the guards only take a few prisoners here and there, and when the guard announces that the scribes need prisoners, I grab a hold of Daniel's upper arm. That's where he's been working the last week, and it seems likely that he'll get a permanent 'job' there.

"You're not going anywhere Daniel" I hiss into his ear.

Sam presses up against the fence as the guards advance on our position. They push people out of the way and one of them spots Daniel and points. This is it. I glance around the room but my only backup is Carter. She's stretched against the wire and her eyes flick from mine to Daniel, concern evident in those sapphire depths, her frame taught with the prospect of possible action even though she knows she can't do anything. I really don't have much choice. If I try and stop them they'll just knock me out, or worse. With each successive 'misdemeanour' of mine the punishments have got steadily worse. This last one may just be one to many. I'm still mulling this over in my brain when Daniel turns to face me.

"Jack...just let me go..."

"Not gonna happen Danny"

"Look I know what I'm going to, they treat us nice there Jack, I'll be okay"

"Yeah but we probably won't be bunking together again buddy, I don't want you out of my sight"

The guard is by our side now, and a brief tug of war with Daniel as the rope ensues as he takes Daniel's other arm. The guard is starting to get annoyed, so much so that his friends starts to march over, and I feel things start to escalate. Just as the other guard approaches, Daniel yanks his arm free from me, and steps away.

"Daniel!"

"I'll be okay Jack, You just take care of yourself and try not to get into any more trouble okay? Sam? You watch him"

And with that he's led away. No goodbyes or even a 'see you later' The truth is we don't know if we ever will, and none of us wants to even think about that. I sag back against the fence as he disappears from the room, and I feel comforting fingers taking a hold of an edge of my sleeve. I turn and give Carter my best smile, and she gives me hers in return. I don't even know what to say to her, it's obvious we're gonna get split up. I pretty much know I'm gonna continue with my physical labour stuff, but what about her? What will she do? Up till now she's just been fetching and carrying with the other women, but I gather that was just temporary. I hope the guards don't take women away for their own pleasure. Looking around at the other women I realise that Sam would probably be their first choice. There are a few fairly pretty women with long dark tresses and dark eyes, but Sam with her huge gorgeous blue eyes and delicate features is by far the most beautiful woman in the room. Sure, maybe I'm biased cause she's my friend, but I still think I'm right. And I won't be able to help her. Sam knows this too, she stares straight into my eyes, and for a second I'm afraid I'll see blame there, but all I see is acceptance, and strength. Her fingers tighten on my sleeve, and I cover them with mine. The guards make a few more choices, but for a little while they leave us alone.

But I know they'll be back.




***************************************




I wish I knew how the days are split here, assuming there are still days.

I have no awareness of day nor night, and this constant flow of time is starting to affect my sanity. Oh well, another day another shekel eh? Oh dear. I believe I picked up some bad habits from my companion. Well he's silent now. Still and silent and unresponsive. Not a companion at all. Not at all...Sometimes though I fade out a little, and that oblivion is something to be looked forward to.

What kind of fate is this for one such as me? This is not the life I had become accustomed to. Maybe that's the point. Maybe this is a lesson to be learned in pain, and fire...and loneliness...

I miss the life, I miss the power...




***************************************




We've been here a couple of hours now, and it looks the 'sorting' has stopped for a break. Most of the people have sorted themselves into groups, and I sit against the fence with the Colonel leaning against me on the other side. By him sits his cell mate Jima, and a few of the other women sit by me. One of them, Alith, seems to be about my age, and she is a caring calming woman, who thankfully has managed to calm most of the others down. There's not that many women left now, about thirty, and most of us seem to be fairly young. There are about twice as many men, and some of them stalk the fence line and glare at the women on the my side. A lot of the women have moved down this end now, due to the glares the Colonel gave the men when they came near me. It's so sweet him protecting me, I mean I know it's his job and all, but I know he's making an extra effort because he knows that he really can't do anything but glare, especially once we get separated. I can tell by the set of his face that he'd like nothing more than to smack a few heads around here, but judging by the fading purple marks across his cheekbones and jaw, he already knows the consequences all to well. As do I.

"I come from a village near the water. People came through the ring and took us. It had never happened before"

"Never?" I ask Alith. It seems that quite a few of the captives here come from places that don't know how to work the stargates, and have never seen them work. The Colonel is listening to us from his side, and the constant warmth of his shoulder against mine lends me confidence and strength to carry on my seemingly pointless questioning of my fellow cell mates. I don't know if it will do any good, but information can be a powerful tool, and the more we know about our captors and their situation the better. The Colonel tried to get them to talk, but they instantly went shy when he questioned them, so the job fell to me. A lot of these women seem a little shy around men, so they must come from heavily patriarchal societies.

"No...we never knew the ring could do that, go other places, and when they came they took all the women"

The Colonel shifts next to me and his shoulder is removed from mine as he turns to face us, fingers looping through the haphazard fence. I feel suddenly cold. I guess I better get used to it. When they split us up here I might never see him again. I wonder what he's thinking about. His brown eyes are unreadable as he stares at us through the wire, brows contorted in thought, and all I can think about is is he thinking about Hayes? I don't know why this is even occurring to me. What do I care if he has a girlfriend? What do I care if she's from the SGC? What do I care if she's a scientist? I guess I just don't like change, that's all. I don't like new factors appearing in the mix. I'm sure I'd feel the same if Daniel suddenly got a new girlfriend or if Teal'c did. Well...okay if I'm honest no I probably wouldn't, but I'm not going let pointless thoughts like this interfere with getting the hell out of here. I focus back on him and find he's looking at me, then his eyes flick back to Alith.

"Why did they just take the women?" He asks, voice suddenly heavy and thick. Alith doesn't answer, and instead she looks like she's about to burst into tears. I take her in my arms to comfort her, and send the Colonel a glare for upsetting her. He looks apologetic, but any words he was about to say are interrupted by the doors opening once more. The Colonel and I instinctively get to our feet, and I place my fingers next to his on the fence. He gives my hand a brief squeeze, then puts both hands in his pockets and attempts to look macho and dangerous, which he does very well. The guards spread out around the room, and the Colonel eyes all of them with poorly disguised contempt. As their spokesman climbs the pedestal, I lean close and whisper urgently to the Colonel through the barrier.

"Sir? Don't try anything sir, it isn't worth it" His eyes snap round to find mine, and for a moment he looks almost disgusted with my suggestion. I gaze at him steadily, and he seems to accept the fact that I haven't suddenly given up or anything, I'm just being realistic. He's still looking at me with a funny expression, so I try to reassure him. I know what he's concerned for.

"I'll be okay sir. We'll get out of here"

He smiles at my insistence, and nods, his body relaxing a little as he dismisses the confrontational stance. I don't need to be looked after sir, I spent the last three years showing you I'm not a weak link. Mind you, he's probably just wondering what's going to be done with us, and has most likely guessed one of our possible fates. I haven't even thought about it, and I'm not going to either.

"Now the stock will be chosen. If you are picked you will move through to the next hall. Those not chosen will remain here as labourers"

Stock? I dread to think what that means. As in livestock? Surely they won't eat us, tell me that food isn't made from other people! As the guards move among us, I start to realise that it's not what they meant by stock. I already know what they meant, Branth told me didn't she? Sure enough, the guards pass among the men and look each one up and down, as well as checking some sort of chart. The Colonel looks calm, and he is as surprised as I am when one of the guards indicates him. He obviously thought he'd be used as labour, but no. Looks like they deem him suitable for breeding. I guess they want to breed lots of strong slaves for the next generation, and I must admit the Colonel is a very fit man, he's also tall and dare I say handsome, so maybe the guards think the women will find him a more pleasing mate. The Colonel meets my eyes, and when the guard lays a hand on him he whirls and shoves him away. No! Don't do it! I guess he doesn't know what duty he's being kept for, and doesn't want to leave me. Jima wisely keeps out of the way.

He scuffles with the guard for a few seconds and I lean into the fence and call his name. After a few tense seconds he stops and stands back, but another guard whacks him across the back of the head with a staff weapon anyway, and he falls limply and heavily to ground. The women behind me pull back at the sight of violence, but I struggle to get closer. One of the guards flips him over, keeping a boot on his chest, and the other consults the chart again. They have a short conversation, and for a moment I think they are going to change their minds, but they shrug and the first guard takes him by the wrist and drags him through to the other hall. I guess they don't want a violent insubordinate slave to breed more of the same, but for now he's through. More men are chosen, and I am straining my neck to try and see the Colonel through the other room when I am pulled roughly backwards from behind. Turning I look up into the face of the guards unfamiliar helmet, and he looks me slowly up and down. I gulp as his glowing eyes travel my body, but evidently I pass his selection process and am hauled through to the other hall.

At least the Colonel and I are still together. Today anyway.

But I can't help worrying about tomorrow...




**************************************




Ugh.

There's that feeling again. I don't know how many times I've been unconscious since We've been here, only that it's been too many. I pool my muscles and attempt to lift my head from the floor when a restraining hand pushes me back down. I panic for a second, and struggle against it, pushing the limb away.

"Sir! Just stay still for a moment!"

"Huh? Carter?"

I open one eye a crack, and sure enough I see Carter's worried face peering down at me. Albeit Carter's face from behind some ropes. Blinking, I place my palms against the floor and push up to a sitting position. The room spins for a second but it quickly fades, leaving me with a dull ache at the back of my skull. I finger the hair there, and they come away red.

"Great...why do they have to hit me so hard?"

"Because you hit them I guess. Are you okay?"

"Uh...yeah...where are we?"

I swivel round to face her and find I'm in a smaller hall, lined with wood, and there are rough mats flung on the floor. The men and women are split as before, but this time the barrier is a series of vertical and horizontal ropes embedded in the walls and floor, fastened together where they meet by fraying knots of twine. Looks like a lower security prison. I touch one of the ropes and yeah, I guess if you were determined and had real good teeth you could gnaw through a few of these babies...mind you...that'd only get you to the other side wouldn't it? And sure enough, the doors at the far end are heavy and wooden, and locked from the other side. By the far wall on each side there are troughs with fresh running water, and food hatches that look as though they are used fairly frequently. There are even little corridors that snake off to what they call toilets here. Not bad. But I can't help but feel I'm in the wrong place. Why the hell am I getting this nice treatment? Carter yeah, but me? I turn and look at the men in the room, and they all look fairly fit and healthy, some are young and athletic. Oh please tell me I'm not gonna take part in some sort of gladiator nonsense...There are about thirty men, and a quick count in the other direction tells me there's about the same number of women. Maybe we're all being singled out for some special duty. Maybe we're gonna be hand servants, all dressed up pretty in silks and the like to serve in court or something. Uh oh...I've just thought of something worse than being a gladiator, how about being a eunuch? Oh don't even go there Jack, at least it looks as though I might get to spend time with Carter, so that should take the edge of whatever my fate is. Hmm...hang on, where's Jima?

"Carter? What did they do with Jima?"

"He's back in the other hall sir, he's going to be a labourer"

"Oh...okay...so what the hell are we gonna be?"

"I'm...I'm not sure sir..."

She looks frightened. Her eyes fall away from mine and she looks at the floor. The other women from before are huddled behind her, and they clutch at each other and shiver together. I try and pull my feet under me to get up and reassure them, but it seems I was hit harder than I thought. My poorly co-ordinated limbs slip away and I fall back to the ground, bumping the tender area at the back of my head. I yelp in pain, and Sam stretches through the rope to hold me down firmly. I struggle a little, but she won't let up, and eventually I give in, and slide closer to the ropes so she can check my head. Her fingers sift gently through my hair, and she tuts with every move I make. She pulls a hankie from her pocket and dabs at my skull for a little while, then eventually she deems me fit to get up, and commands that I rise slowly. As I do so, I notice the women giggling. When I swivel round in a sitting position to talk to Carter again, she's shaking her head furiously and saying something hushed to the women.

"What's up Carter?" I ask. When she turns back to me her face is a little red, and she gives me a shy smile before brushing me off.

"Uh...nothing sir"

She folds her hanky up and slips it away, and then busies herself by arranging her legs into a more comfortable position. Oh I'm not letting this one slip Major. Tell. I take the ropes in both hands and lean close as close to her as I can get.

"Tell Major, and that's an order"

She glances back at the still giggling women, rolls her eyes a little and leans forward, speaking with a twisted mouth to show her feelings on the subject.

"They think because I'm touching you and ordering you about you're my husband or mate"

She shakes her head and grins, and I grin back. I guess the planets that these women come from don't have military, so explaining that would be fairly useless. And I guess they don't have platonic relationships and friendships between men and women either. Whether that's less advanced or more advanced I really don't know.

"Why Major, I'm flattered. Mind you, maybe it's a good thing they think so, cause I don't like the way some of those men are looking at you"

I growl a little in my throat, and turn to glare at the dark eyed man closest to me. He shuffles away and I turn back to Carter with my brows pulled low. There is definitely a different atmosphere in here, that's for sure. Most of the women sit huddling in groups, and a lot of the men have taken to stalking up and down the ropes and staring at them. I don't like it, I don't like it one little bit. Mind you, most of the women gathered around Carter seem to be fairly strong willed, and I've already seen a few of them spit at men through the fence in the other hall.

"I can look after myself sir"

"I know that Carter, I just think it'd be better if you didn't have to, don't you?"

She nods, and for a while we go back to silence. Why does she feel she always feel she has something to prove to me? Since day one she's acted like this, and yeah I guess maybe I asked for it with my attitude towards her, but she's long since proved her bravery, capability, intelligence and her excellence in general, she doesn't have to keep on doing this. Surprising myself, I speak softly.

"Sam? You no longer have anything to prove you know"

She smiles, eyes closed, and draws her knees up to her chest. She brushes a hand through her hair and sighs.

"When we're out of here and back at the SGC? The maybe I'll agree"

I shake my head and roll my eyes. The women seem to deem me less of a threat now, and they move closer to the ropes. I slide closer to Carter, and wince as the movements of my jaw make my head ache. She moves to my side and lets herself lean slightly against my shoulder. That simple touch gives me a little hope.

"I'll hold you to that Major"

When we get back to the SGC.

That's right Sam, when.

When...




***************************************




This is fascinating.

I mean I've spent the last few weeks working in a small plain room down one of the other corridors, but I had no idea they had anything like this. I have to crane my neck back to see the tops of the bookcases, and I find that if I look for too long they seem to sway, like standing under an electricity pylon. Weird. There are three of us, all men who were sent here, and it looks as though there are another ten or so people already working here. This place is amazing. A lot of the areas we've seen here appear to be of goa'uld manufacture, and this library certainly bears all the hallmarks. I don't think I've ever seen them with books though, so I can only assume this room was transformed into a library after the goa'uld left.

The door clangs shut behind us, and as we stand in our awe, a large man dressed as a Jaffa walks out from behind the large pillars at the other end of the room. The far wall seems once to have been some sort of stained glass window, but little of the exquisitely cut and coloured glass remains now, and pale bricks show through the gaps. I wonder if there was fighting here? Perhaps these people managed to drive the goa'uld away from their planet? If so, then I must try and get through to them, these people could be valuable allies if they would give up on trying to replace the tyrants they got rid of. The 'Jaffa' stalks down the book lined corridor, and as he approaches I step out in front of him.

"Ah...excuse me? I wonder if I could ask some...oof!"

I guess not. I hear his loud footsteps echo as he continues on towards the doors, and I hear them open and close before I try and get on my feet. When I finally get upright and wipe the blood from my nose, my two companions are just staring at me as if I just did a very stupid thing. I guess I did. I rearrange the glasses on my nose and thank the deities that he only backhanded me. Albeit a backhand with a wrist that was covered in chainmail, but it could have been worse. At least Jack isn't here, he would have waded in and got us all in more trouble. And we're in plenty trouble already.

A side door opens then, and all the workers assemble in the middle of the room as a portly middle aged man with whispy dark hair and a sloping jowled face steps out. I'm trying to make up my mind whether he has a friendly face or not, when his eyes darken and he gestures impatiently to us newcomers with a chubby arm swathed in layers of cream coloured robes.

"You three, over here now"

We join our fellow workers, and the man stalks up and down, looking down his flat nose at us as he seems to consider our fate. He stops in front of me and I draw an expectant breath.

"You! You know the letters?"

"Uh...well...I'm learning them...I guess I could..."

"Over there. That will be your table. You will work till the meal bell, then you will be taken to your new quarters with the others here. Go now"

I bob my head at the man, then shuffle off to the indicated table in the corner. On it are several large musty scrolls, one of which has been loosely unfurled. I sit at the desk and while my 'boss' yells at some of the others, I take a stylus and a fresh sheet of crudely pressed cream paper and arrange them in front of me with a long sigh. Looks like I won't be staying with Jack anymore. I know I'll be treated fairly well, the others look pretty well dressed and fed, and most of them seem quite happy in their work. As happy as a prisoner can be I guess. But what about Jack? And Sam? Oh I know they can take care of themselves, but Jack gets into trouble so easily, and Sam, well let's just hope they treat her with some respect. I hope those two are able to see each other regularly, and maybe formulate some sort of plan. As for me, I guess I'll be most use by actually doing my work, maybe I can find out something about our hosts, something we can use.

And what about Teal'c? I assume when we didn't come back they sent a team, and I assume they found him. I hope he's okay. He has to be okay, he's the only one who maybe saw where we went, where they took us, because I sure as hell don't know. So maybe they'll come for us, it's only been a few weeks...maybe they know we're here and they're just waiting for the right time...yeah. That must be it.




***************************************




"Teal'c?"

Again I hear that sound. It's a familiar sound, and it reaches down into my dark abyss and pulls at me, drawing me ever upwards. But I don't want to go. Not yet. Give me just a short while longer. Just a little longer. I'm not ready.

"Any change Doctor?"

"I thought he responded to me there, but he never regained consciousness"

"How is he otherwise?"

"General, his physical wounds have all but healed, it's just a matter of letting his mind decide it's okay to wake up now"

"Do you think that's going to be soon?"

"All signs point to yes sir, all his stats are back to normal for him, and his symbiote is showing increased activity over the last few days, so it could be anytime"

I think they are talking about me. Maybe I should wake up now, I don't want to cause further worry. Then they can tell me what happened and what I am doing in the infirmary. I know I am back in the SGC because I can hear the voices of General Hammond and Doctor Frasier. I must wake up. I have to know what happened to me and to the others. I have heard no speaking from O'Neill, Daniel Jackson or Major Carter, so I can only assume they are unconscious by my side.

They are here. They must be.

I will wake up.

I just need a short while longer...




***************************************




Well that was fun.

A couple of hours in the hall and we were shepherded back into our rooms. Our new rooms, and I must say it's a step up. A step up to what I don't know, but I guess it's in the right direction...I guess. Seems the whole selection and breeding thing isn't going to start for a while. Thank God. There was no way I could bring myself to tell the Colonel. Not just yet. We have to wait until they are assured we are fertile. So we were split up again. The guards came in and drove us women out, and the Colonel just nodded at me. We don't want to say goodbye, we don't want to mention those sort of things. So I was prodded out of the room by a guard, and when I looked back, he was stretched up against the ropes watching me leave. I gave him a brave smile. Braver than I feel. At least Alith is with me, someone I know. There are five of us in this room, and though it's the same size as our last cell, there are half as many people, so its not so bad. When the guards came to herd us back here, the Colonel got all protective again. I could tell even though I was leaning against his back at the time, as I felt his muscles go stiff, and his frame tense. This time I managed to stop him lashing out, as the guards told us we'd be back in here tomorrow. Whether I believe that or not it doesn't matter, as long as he doesn't get another beating. Tough though he is, if he gets pegged as a troublemaker he won't last long.

I hope Danny is okay. If he's being recruited as some sort of researcher or translator, then I guess he'll be pretty well looked after. Maybe he can find out something of use. Whether we'll see him again to find out is another story, but I won't let myself think along those lines. As for the Colonel and I, our fates are not so pleasant. He kept asking me and the other women again and again if we knew what we were here for, and I lied to him and pleaded ignorance. The other women wouldn't speak of it to a strange man, so I didn't have to worry about him finding out that way. How the hell could I tell him that? Oh by the way sir we're here to choose mates so we can breed more slaves, will you please choose me? Please? How pathetic would that sound? Yeah so of course he'd chose me, but only because I'm his team-mate. And once he did what then? Do we get to stay together? Is there a time limit within which I'm expected to get pregnant? This doesn't bare thinking about.

"Are you okay Sam?"

"I'm fine Alith, just thinking"

"What kind of name is Sam? It doesn't sound like a woman's name, and you do not dress or wear your hair like a woman"

Sigh. Alith's eyes flick from me to the woman who just spoke, and I turn to face her. I'm getting used to this sort of thing. Everywhere we go the women treat me like this. Why is your hair so short? Why do you wear the clothes of a man and so on. Either we go to planets where they think I'm acting wrongly and doing some injustice to women everywhere, or the people are way more advanced than us and treat me like a dumb child. I can't get a break. Why can't we go to a planet where the women get to kick ass like the men? I face the woman who questioned me and start to explain.

"Its short for Samantha, I dress like a man because its more practical for travelling, and I keep my hair short for the same reasons"

Alith just watches silently, and the group of three women in the corner look warily from one of us to the other as the women gets to her feet. She's big. She's taller even than me and she looks strong. She's wearing a rough shift of some crude material, but it still reveals her firm toned body. Her tanned face frames glinting brown eyes and sharp cheekbones, and she advances slowly on me, and hunkers down by Alith's side. I tense as she draws near, but her face shows more interest than belligerence. She glances round at the other women and edges a little closer, her voice a whisper.

"When they caught you, I was watching. You had weapons yes?"

"Yes, you have such weapons where you come from?"

"Yes, we have projectile weapons much like those you carried. Where do you come from?"

"Earth"

Her face falls a little.

"I have never heard of it. I come from a planet called Byrness. My name is Rosay"

She extends an arm and places her hand on my shoulder. I smile and repeat the gesture, and my grin sparks one of her own. It looks like I might have an ally, perhaps someone out there is listening to me.

Rosay and I spent the next couple of hours discussing our worlds and our situation. It's surprising how alike our to worlds are, and yet also how different. They have weapons like ours, and even a sort of electric power, but from what she tells me her planet is mostly water, and has only one small central continent, with less than a fifth of our population. It seems unlikely that they were taken to their planet by the Goa'ulds some distant time in our past as with such small numbers it is unlikely they would be able to develop a similar level of technology in the same time as us. She told me that her distant relatives claim to have been brought here from another place, and it seems likely that they were taken from Earth, or one of the other more evolved planets a comparatively few generations ago. Well this is new. She told me she has no idea who moved them, but it seems most likely it was the goa'uld. Perhaps they were trying to establish a new human community, one which they could more easily manipulate. Well that's more Danny's department, maybe he can make sense of it.

"The people with you, they are part of your Toray?"

"Uh, I don't know what a Toray is..."

"We have groups that go through the gate and visit other places, the groups are Toray's"

"Yes, we are a group, we're called SG1"

"You and the two men? The quiet thinking one and the loud strong one?"

That's as good a description as any I guess. She makes them sound like complete opposites, and I guess in some ways they are.

"Yes. The uh...loud one, Colonel O'Neill is my commanding officer, and the quiet one, Daniel, he learns about other worlds and cultures and studies them. There is another, Teal'c, but we think he got away before we were captured"

"Yes, we have similar people and roles, though my Toray are all warriors. Are you a warrior?"

"Uh yes, I guess I am, and a scientist"

"A...scientist? You know how the machines work?"

"Something like that yes"

She stops for a minute to assimilate the knowledge, and I do the same. Alith just listens quietly.

"Do you remember how you were captured Rosay?"

"We visited a new planet, and the next thing I remember is waking up here"

"Yeah...just like us. I don't remember anything"

"No-one ever does. They prefer it that way"

I guess they do. Makes it hard for anyone to find us I guess. I know they'll try, but if they don't know which planet they were taken to, then how the hell can they find us?

They will try, won't they?




***************************************




"...Can you hear me? Teal'c? Can you hear me?"

"I hear you Doctor Frasier"

"Thank God. Welcome back Teal'c. You've been unconscious for almost a month. Are you up to speaking to the General?"

I try and sit up, but Doctor Frasier pushes me down. I struggle for a moment, but my body is weak and my symbiote overburdened. I am surprised that I am still alive. I remember being severely injured. I edge open on eye, and the infirmary swings into view. Doctor Frasier is there, and as I open another eye, General Hammond appears by my side and smiles.

"Good to have you back with us son. You had us worried for a while"

A month. Doctor Frasier said a month. It has been a long time. Where are the others?

"Teal'c, can you tell us what happened on PMJ542?"

"My memories are not clear...they are mixed up"

"Teal'c, you have to do your best to remember. What happened when you stepped through the gate?"

Why can I not remember? It was a standard recon mission, this planets coordinates had just been produced by the computer program designed by Major Carter, and it was a planet on the other side of known goa'uld territory. The MALP had not revealed anything particularly interesting, but for strategic reasons we wished to find out how far goa'uld territory extended in this direction. So we went through the gate.

"Teal'c? Can you remember anything?"

We went through. The gate was in a meadow, a gentle rolling meadow of tall grasses, with forests and mountains beyond, topped with snow. We moved forward, and there on the ground were stones and symbols, and the others...the others...

"Teal'c?"

I sit upright despite the Doctor's squeal of protest, and look around me. They are not here. If they were injured they would be here. If not, they would be here to greet me as I woke. They are my friends. They are my friends. General Hammond opens his mouth to speak again but I turn to face him and silence him with a look.

"Where are the others?"




**************************************




Well I must say that for a life of indentured servitude it's proving to be rather interesting.

Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be at a poker game with the others at home, but right now I guess I'm stuck on a strange planet reading dusty scrolls and walls and translating them onto even more dusty scrolls and walls for my captors. It's been just over a week since I was split up from the others, and my days have fallen into a regular pattern. The cells in which I am now housed are much better than before. There are five of us that share a room, and I learn as much from them as I do from my studies here. There's a strict no talking rule while we are working, but as soon as we get back to our cell we automatically start to chatter. Most of those I work with share similar interests and backgrounds to me, and naturally we tend to enjoy talking. I learned very quickly to keep my mouth shut at all other times with the threat of another slap hanging over me. The guards tend to be a little more lenient here, perhaps because we are more valuable to them. Our 'master' Jarnas, the fat man from before pretends he knows everything, but to be honest he appears largely ignorant. I'm also fairly sure that he can't read any of the many languages we've found at all, which seems rather strange. If this is their homeworld then why can't they read the writing? Of course, this may not be their world, or maybe they never learned the tongue of their captors, but this seems unlikely. Maybe I have this all wrong, but I don't think so. This whole thing is one gigantic puzzle, and I got my first piece just two days after we got here.




**************************************




We were being driven to work on our second day here, and as we moved down one of the corridors, something caught my eye. The walls of this corridor were fairly crude, and on one portion the first writing I had seen was roughly scrawled along a section that was roped off and surrounded by candles. I stopped in front of it, and Jack paused beside me, moving nervously from foot to foot by my side.

"C'mon Danny, we don't have time for sightseeing"

"Uh wait a minute Jack, this is the first writing I've seen on this world"

"So? Lotsa people write Danny boy, even me, but you know my reports aren't worth the paper they're printed on"

"It's a goa'uld dialect"

"Uh yeah Daniel, isn't that what these people are?"

Jack moves to my side to gaze at the wall, hands in his pockets, and the line of prisoners passes us by. I stare at the words and Jack rolls his eyes. I won't let him disturb me though, this could be the most important discovery we've made.

"Jack, I don't think they are goa'ulds"

"Aw come on Daniel, look at them! What makes you think they're not?"

"Because this writing looks as though it is worshipped Jack, look at the candles and the ropes, they treat it almost reverently"

"So?"

"So, it roughly translates as 'This is the day we rid ourselves of the bastard goa'uld"

Jack turns and looks at me, his eyebrows meeting his hair, and I let the implications wash over my mind. I don't get a chance to voice any thoughts as I am suddenly grabbed from behind by a large Jaffa. Well, by what we thought was a Jaffa up till now. Jack lunges to free me but another guard steps forward and knocks him down and holds him there with a booted foot on his neck. The Jaffa holds me around the neck and turns me until I'm staring into glowing eyes.

"What did you say?" He asks, voice rough and edgy. Uh-oh, how can I get in trouble just by speaking? Mind you, I've been around Jack for a while, maybe I've picked a few things up. If I'm wrong and these are Jaffa, then I just called him a bastard...oops.

"Uh..."

"You can read the sacred writing?"

"Yes...yes I can...you're not Jaffa are you?"

He drops me on the ground then, and then surprisingly extends a hand to help me up. He turns to the group of silent watching prisoners, and points at one man at the back, calling him forward. An old bearded skinny man slowly walks forward, his nervous eyes on the Jaffa, and moves to my side. The Jaffa then points at me, and the man turns to face me.

"Kalack ma reem no haljah?"

"Uh...yes...I mean sort of...uh...alma reem haljah"

The man nods, his staring watery eyes a contrast to his parchment dry face. He turns back to the guard and nods, and the guard pushes both me and the man towards a small group of prisoners off to one side. Looks like I'll no longer be hefting logs.




***************************************




And that's how I got this great job, and worked out that we're not being held by the goa'uld. We had a few go's at trying to explain to our fellow prisoners and even a few guards that we knew they weren't goa'uld or Jaffa, and that they were our enemies too, and we've spent the last few years fighting them. It was a bit of a waste of time. Our fellow prisoners ignored us, and well, the guards didn't take kindly to being accosted and questioned in this manner, and they beat up Jack, then made him work twice as long straight after. So I'm glad I changed jobs. It sure beats hefting logs. I guess they must have lots of trees here. That's the funny thing though, I have no idea what this world looks like outside. This place doesn't have any windows. We could be underground but the air here isn't pumped, it comes in through large vents suggesting that we're above ground. So why no windows? The only one I've seen is that one in the library and it's sealed. Well maybe I'll find out more, there's so much to see here.

I tip my head back and look up at the stacks of scrolls that reach to the high arched roof. This may take a while. But I can't shake the feeling that if I just keep looking, keep going, then I'll find something to help us. Something...

Anything...




***************************************




"And you know, I'm gonna be the one,
Who'll be there, when you need someone to depend on
When tomorrow comes"

When tomorrow comes - The Eurythmics




***************************************




Sometimes there are people here, I can sense them.

They come by and they come past, but they very rarely stop. I must be of little consequence to them. How amusing this twist of fate and reversal of roles. Amusing for all of one second. And the next several hundred billion seconds have been half as funny. I suppose we brought it upon ourselves, I suppose I did. Is that a hint of repentance? From me? From what I am?

No.

Never.

And yet...




***************************************




Whew. It's been a tiring week. Since we got herded back to our rooms we've been working shifting all kinds of boxes from one room to another. The boxes aren't heavy but they are very well sealed so I've had no chance to see inside. Judging by the fact that they make us carry them very carefully and the contents seem to slosh, whatever it is must be important. Perhaps some sort of liquid fuel or explosive? I would love to get the chance to open one, but even if I could I have no equipment here to test it. Maybe my brain is lacking stimulation and grabbing at straws, it's probably just their supply of wine. At least they only work us for a few hours at a time. It seems that their precious breeding stock can't be overworked. Well that's fine for now, but to be honest I enjoy the chance to stretch my legs, and when they let us out into the small woman's exercise area for a half hour after work, I always take the chance to lap the hall several times at a jog. I have to keep my level of fitness up, a chance to escape could come at any time. At least I get to see the Colonel everyday, even if it's just for a half hour. We smile and greet each other as best we can through the barrier, then we discuss our days, and that is about it. I think he knows that I'm holding back something from him, because he looks at me funny sometimes, long stares that I swear could read my mind. He hasn't asked though, and I just hope we get rescued or get out before I have to tell him.

"Sam? Why do you always run?" Asks Alith from her usual perch by the water trough.

Rosay answers for me. After watching me do this a few times she joined in. At least I have a keep fit partner. The others just look at us like were idiots, and Alith simply waits for us to finish.

"We must remain fit Alith, Sam is right. We can't allow them to weaken and break us"

I smile and nod at Rosay, and she grins back. It feels good to have a partner in crime of sorts. The three of us have formed a sort of mismatched trio. I seem to be the unofficial leader, Rosay is my aggressive and active 2IC, and Alith is our support and communications officer. She may be quiet, but the other women find her easier to deal with than us, and she can soothe any fights or difficulties with a few words. And the fights have increased. This surprised me at first, and it took me a while to figure out what they were fighting about. Eventually I had to ask Alith to tell me, and I was suitably shocked when she did.

"They fight over the men"

"What?"

"They want to be paired with a good man if it's possible. No-one wants to spend their days with a bad man who will mistreat them. For now it's just talk, but I fear that later they will fight for real"

It was weird after that, once I knew what they were talking about. They had only spent a few hours in total in that hall with the other men, but already they were discussing the pros and cons of some of the preferred suitors! Women...what are we like? Thankfully they had not yet discussed the Colonel as far as I was aware. I'm glad...I wouldn't know what to say...I wonder how he's coping. I hope he's alright. As far as I can make out he'll be worked as a labourer for the moment until they decide that we are...uh...ready...for pairing off. As long as he behaves himself he'll be okay. I don't know if he'll get to work with or see Jima again, but I hope he's made some friends of some sort, someone to plot with. Just as long as any escape plots involve me and Daniel! Glancing at my watch I realise that the men will be finished work by now and will be taken back to their rooms. This is the time I usually get to see him, but as far as I can work out every eleventh day is somehow special here. Maybe it's a religious thing. Oh we still have to work but no fun time eyeing up the men for us today. I wonder what the Colonel's thinking about? Huh...I bet he's thinking about Captain Hayes and how much he misses her. I bet he's thinking about her right now.




***************************************




I hope Carter's okay.

Ever since I've been stuck in this area of the building for the last week, I've spent most of my time thinking about her. We only spend a half-hour together everyday, and it's become pretty formal and tense, mind you that's how everyone else has been acting. The other guys seem to think that we'll get to see the women for long periods again pretty soon so I just bide my time. Not that the other guys talk to me much, they're a bit of a sullen uncommunicative lot, and they don't seem to like me very much. I bet Carter's got lots of friends. She always makes friends. I only make friends with kids or animals. What does that tell you about the kind of adult I am?

Work has changed as well. Whatever duty we've been singled out for means we have to do less work than before. This doesn't go down too well with the ordinary labourers. I waltzed back in there, laughing and wisecracking as normal on that first day back, and if looks could kill! At least Jima's still speaking to me, but that's probably because no-one else will speak to him. I've tried asking some of the other guys what my lot have been singled out for, but none of them seem inclined to talk. And when we got to leave an hour early, we were greeted with about fifty dirty looks. Something tells me I better watch my back in there.

I really don't like this. I get the distinct feeling that I'm heading for something bad and that no-one will tell me what. I also get the feeling that Carter is keeping something from me. I don't know what but sometimes when the women are whispering and the men leering she won't quite meet my eyes. And it's been getting worse. Even I've noticed a subtle change in the atmosphere in the hall, and as we file in for our after work mingle session I swear the air is charged with some indefinable tension. Shaking that feeling off I saunter to the back of the hall and spot my 2IC entering from the woman's door.

"Carter! How are you this fine evening!"

She gives me a weary wave, and her entourage follow and settle behind her as they take up our now accustomed places at the far end of the hall on a large mat we've managed to appropriate. It's amazing what a growl can get you, and I mean from both sexes. I take my apportioned food bowl from the serving hatch and splash some water on my face and through my hair before joining her. Gotta look your best for the ladies, that's what I always say. I settle down on the small segment of mat on my side of the fence and the girls settle down on theirs, and we eat. We used to eat in our cells but for the last few days they've been feeding us in here, and the time we spend here has been slowly increasing. I glance across at Carter and she's sitting quietly spooning the pale greasy mix half-heartedly into her mouth. I follow the line of her eyes and find they are staring at a blank section of wall.

"Hey Carter, not enjoying our little picnic here? Sure we could use some trees and a river maybe, and some ball equipment wouldn't go amiss but we got food and a blanket to sit on"

She turns to look at me and smiles weakly. Not good. Must try harder. I put my bowl down and lean into the ropes waggling my eyebrows furiously.

"And then after polishing off the pate we could go skinny-dipping huh?"

She laughs at that, and covers her mouth, eyes twinkling as the others behind her titter at my words. She turns and swipes at Alith who's laughing openly, and Rosay nudges her with an arm. I lean as hard as I can against the ropes and smile at all the women, letting a purring growl escape my throat. I dunno why I'm in such a good mood, but at least it makes the women giggle, and Carter moves over and pushes good naturedly against my chest. It's good to see her smile.

"I couldn't ask for more, just me and all these gorgeous women"

Carter rolls her eyes and the others smile. I've been trying my best over the last few days to make friends with them, and some of them have started to come around. I don't think they trusted me at first, and some of them were downright afraid of me. Carter's been slowly turning them around though, and God knows what she's been saying when they're in their cells, especially that morning when they all burst out laughing when we passed them in the corridor. I'm just about to ask Carter this when something hard knocks into me and I go flying. Carter shrieks my name and I scramble to my feet to see three rather large guys looking at me. Uh-oh. I instantly lower my centre of gravity and am aware of Carter pressing against the ropes as the other women move away.

"Is there a problem?" I ask.

The largest one with greasy lank hair and beady slit eyes balls his fists and stamps an impatient foot. I get the distinct impression that I'm about to be charged by an angry bull. He starts to speak, and I can just make out his strangled guttural words.

"You think you are some kind of champion? You think you deserve more than one woman? What makes you think you are better than us?"

"Calm it down buddy, I don't want any trouble" I can feel my heart start to thump slowly in my ears and I flick my eyes around the hall. The rest of the men have thankfully backed away, and all the women are huddled against the opposite wall, only Carter remains where she is. Well at least the rest aren't ganging up on me. I guess my friendliness with Carter's buddies isn't going down too well...I just got these guys jealous. What is it with these men? Again I get the distinct impression I'm missing something.

The big shaggy man stumbles towards me, and I go tense at the prospect of a little bout of fisticuffs. He's big and undoubtedly strong, but he looks slow, and obviously he's counting on using his mass against me. Well I'm pretty strong too buddy, and I'm extremely well trained. I didn't take countless falls from my hand to hand instructors to be beat by a glorified ape like you. He approaches slowly, and I let him. Carter gives me a warning whisper of 'Colonel', but I know what I'm doing. The second I feel this guy is gonna seriously threaten me I'll be out of reach in a heartbeat. Let's try and diffuse things a little first. Believe me, there's nothing more I'd like to do right now than bust a few heads, but preferably snake-heads, not fellow prisoners, no matter how narky they may be.

"Back off, I've got no argument with you"

He steps right up to me, and starts to jab at my chest with an outstretched stubby finger. I clench my jaw but don't move...yet. God and he smells...

"You get away from these women"

"Not gonna happen...why don't you go sit down"

"These women are ours, those ones and the blonde one"

Oh I don't think so. I really don't think so. He keeps on poking me and I can feel anger rising in my chest. I can practically feel the heat of Carter's stare. She doesn't like the whole 'ownership' deal, and frankly, neither do I. Neither do I. Nobody 'claims' my Major.

"I don't think so" I growl.

"Get away or we will...ahhhhhhh!"

Enough is enough. He's poked me once too many times, and when he lifts his other arm to club me I take a half step back, grab the offending poking fingers and twist his hand back and over, snapping the digits. He shrieks like a baby and drops to the ground. One of his friends steps forward and I lunge at him, punching him square in the throat before he even knows what he's going to do, and he drops limply, and lies choking and writhing on the floor. The other man backs right off, and after just standing and glaring for a moment the rest look away and get back to their business and my two would be attackers drag themselves off. If this was a saloon the pianist would begin to play again. That's the best way to handle things in this kind of situation. I don't want to waste energy and risk hurting myself by getting in a real fight, so I just incapacitated them as quickly and as easily as possible without doing any real damage. Hopefully the fact that I was able to do that should give us a little room. So they think I'm after the women? What is this all about? Carter's gonna have to answer some questions.

I turn and she's standing grasping the ropes and looking flushed. I walk over to her and she stretches her lithe frame, the distended ropes hugging her body. Hugging her body? Looks like that little rush of adrenaline has gone to my head. I shake my head and rub at my hair as I move over to reassure her, and she clutches fearfully at my jacket sleeve.

"No problem Carter. You know, I'm getting a little sick of defending women the galaxy over, next time I think you..."

"Sir!"

"What? Look Carter, I really think you should tell me what this is all about, what the hell is going on here?"

She looks over my shoulder and pushes at me, and as I spin around I see the hefty end of a staff weapon coming down, and I only have time for one thought.

Not again...




***************************************




I can see why they need so many people working here.

It may be one of the biggest libraries I've yet seen on another planet, but it's also one of the worst organised. I thought the records would at least be organised into some sort of categories, but I guess I was wrong. When I finished translating my first 'book' onto new sheets, I gave it to one of the 'runners' and they threw it through a large swing door metal hatch. After I saw a few more books go that way I waited until Jarnas went for one of his many breaks and I snuck over to the hatch. I didn't need to open it to know what it was, I could feel the heat from several feet away. They're burning the old scrolls? I can't believe they're doing that! I wouldn't be so bothered if I knew that all the records here were being transcribed and translated, but they're not. When we finish one we get to pick whichever we want to start on next, then we have to translate the first few pages and give Jarnas a brief synopsis. He humms and hah's over it for a few minutes with feigned interest and expertise, then either agrees or dismisses it with a wave of his fat hand. The records that must have been burnt...

"Tulkas? How long have you been here?"

Tulkas shuffles over from his desk and peers up at me over his small fractured glasses. He's a fairly old and frail man, and has a single minded air and determination that makes him perfect for this kind of job. God, I may well be looking at myself in 30 or 40 years.

"Almost 4 years Daniel...why?"

Four years? How many of these records have been burnt in four years? How many valuable archives have been lost in all this time? It almost doesn't bear thinking about. Jarnas only seems to be interested in documents that contain details about the Goa'uld and the days of their domination here. Anything else is dismissed and burned. I tried to question Jarnas about this, but he just shouted at me and called his pet Jaffa to chase me around a little. I get the distinct impression that the Jaffa assigned here aren't big fans of Jarnas. Mind you, no-one seems to be. This place is really weird. I mean I know we're prisoners, but even the areas out cells are in appear to be pretty high class. I can only assume due to some of the décor that this whole area used to be the palace of a goa'uld. The funny thing is I've yet to find any mention of any individual goa'uld. I guess that these records must have been made by the people here, but most likely under duress, and it seems like the people who were made to write these things were not kept in the highest regard.

"Uh, just wondering Tulkas"

"Nardra Daniel"

I wince as he tells me 'okay' in a Goa'uldish dialect. He really shouldn't do that or he's going to get into trouble. One day one of the other new workers Darna read some of it aloud to another worker in the Goa'uld dialect, and the 'Jaffa' guards were over like a shot, and they beat him to within an inch of his life. Needless to say I've pretty much learned to keep schtum on the old goa'uldish, and for once I didn't have to learn this lesson the hard way. It seems the only acceptable thing to say is what I read on the wall that time. The reason Tulkas gets away with it, is that he spoke some yesterday, and the guards instantly came over, but I managed to get them to believe that Tulkas was speaking in his own language from his own world. They bought it. It seems that although we are forbidden to speak Goa'uld, very few people can actually understand it. Jarnas can, because he bawled someone out for incorrect translation yesterday, and I guess that must be the reason no-one likes him. The guards tolerate him, and the very few personnel that come here treat him like scum. This place is becoming more and more confusing. So they really hate the Goa'uld to the point that speaking their language can get you a severe beating, and even label you as some sort of inferior, but they are practically aping them and searching the records their own people wrote and collating all the information they have on them. I don't mind saying, I'm very confused. But I can't help but feel somewhere at the heart of this all will be our way out of here. Or at least an answer.

Okay. New book. I flip the massive square bound tome open and ready my stylus for translation of the first page.

Okay...let's see...

"First the breeders must be chosen. After a period of watching the suitable males and females will be separated and prepared for the choosing..."

Hmm...this looks like another book destined for the furnace.




***************************************




Oh.

And here comes consciousness.

This is getting to be a bit tiresome. Mind you, I bet the guards think I'm getting a bit tiresome. I lie quietly with my eyes still shut and I hear chatting voices around me. Looks like I'm still in the hall though, and I guess the boys were right about us spending more time with the women. I open one eye a flicker but the bright light arcs in and it closes in reflex. Ouch. I do wish they'd stop hitting me in the back of the head or one of these days I'm not gonna wake up at all. I slowly become aware of my entire body and realise I'm lying in the standard recovery position. Thank God Carter's here to look after me. I strain my ears to see if I can hear her chatting to the women, and all of a sudden her light lilting laughter fills the air, followed closely by the deep warm laugh of a man. Where the hell am I? I thought I was in the wooden hall on this damn planet? I stretch and force my eyes open and as soon as I moan I hear voices and strong hands pull me upright. I open my eyes ready to deliver a sarcastic comment to Carter, but instead of a bright fresh face and wide concerned blue eyes, I see green eyes in a tanned, dark haired and very male face.

"Uh...who..."

I push ineffectually at his chest but a second hand on my shoulder stops me.

"Colonel? It's okay, this is Reebin, he's a friend"

'Reebin' helps me up and I manage to sit with help from the ropes. Looping my arms through I pull my legs towards me and check my head. Poor things been getting a pounding lately. Carter moves over to sit by me and gives me a smile. Moves over to sit by me? He's a friend? How many days have I been out?

"Are you okay sir? You've been out for two hours"

"Two hours? And we're still here? What'd I miss?" This last part with a side look for Reebo or whatever his name is. I was right with my earlier thoughts, Sam does make friends fast, only this wasn't the kind of friends I meant. He smiles at me, and I get a little chill up my spine. Guy has a smile like a certain Tok'ra that I won't mention.

"Not much. Reebin here was kind enough to move you over to us. He's from a world called Daerth and was captured there. He's been here a little longer than us, and he may be able to help us. Oh and here sir, I saved you some food, you missed dinner"

She pulls out a re-sealable bag from an inside pocket of her fatigue jacket and hands me it. I've always been amazed at the things she keeps in there. Let's just say she's never short of chocolate. I take it from her and hungrily eat the chunky meat and veg with my fingers. Is it my imagination or is the food getting better? She smiles a little as I eat and I stop when I realise she probably just gave me most of her dinner. I try to hand the bag back.

"Here, you have the rest. I gotta watch my girlish figure"

"It's okay sir, Reebin gave me some of his"

Oh he did did he? I tip the rest of the bag into my mouth and turn to look at this Reebo guy. He sits neatly cross-legged on the edge of our mat, and I swear he wasn't in this hall earlier. He regards me with quiet patience, almost as if he senses the questions buzzing around in my brain. Does Carter specialise in attracting caring, thoughtful, gentle, and undoubtedly smart men who instantly annoy the hell out of me? Okay so I don't know a thing about him, but he just looks the type, and I know I'm right about the attraction thing judging by the way he keeps glancing at her. I don't trust over-friendly locals, and I never have.

"So Reebo, when did you join our merry little band?"

"REEBIN used to work elsewhere and was just moved in with us today. He was brought here when you were unconscious"

I turn and look at Carter with a raised eyebrow as Alith shuffles up to sit curiously at her side. That woman seems to be fascinated by our interactions...strange woman. Maybe she is surprised by the tone in Carter's voice. As am I.

"Carter, I'm sure Reebo here can speak for himself"

She nods and sits back.

"I was moving logs until a few days ago" He says in a firmly modulated tenor.

"Oh yeah? I never saw you there"

"I broke my wrist and was in the infirmary until today"

I eye the bandage on his wrist suspiciously and screw up my face. Carter is staring directly at me and I imagine she's wearing her 'could you be a little nicer please Colonel' face. Well sorry, but you know me and my paranoia, I just find it a little odd that this guy is only here for two hours and already he's joined our select group and has claimed half of my part of the mat no less.

"Yeah? How'd ya do that?"

"Fighting a guard. He picked on one of the others"

I make an approving face despite myself and Carter makes her 'I told you so' one. Alright...he can stay for now, but no Major, you can't keep him. You definitely cannot. And by the look on her face she'd like to. But let's see if he's worth anything first okay?

"So Reebo, got any ideas how we can get out of here?"

He glances across at Carter, and she nods encouragingly. He glances around at the others then leans in close.

"I have seen the circle of stone"

Okay...so I'll let him stay a little longer.




**************************************




They are not here.

They did not come back.

They cannot be found.

I sit on the edge of my bed in the infirmary and I do not know what to do. When General Hammond told me I tried to go back to the planet but Doctor Frasier made me stay in the infirmary. They had already been back. When we did not return on schedule SG4 came through to find us, and apparently I was lying right in front of the gate, and seriously wounded. There was no sign of the others, not even footprints. All I remember was setting off into the woods to explore the planet, and then...then...blackness, and voices, and hands all over my face. And now I am here and they are missing.

They are missing.

Since then three more teams have visited the planet, but still no signs have been found. They must have gone through the gate. Someone must have taken them. I do not know why and I do not know where but I will find them, I will find my friends. I look up then as Doctor Frasier enters the room and smiles at me as she replaces her chart.

"Teal'c? How are you feeling?"

"I am fine"

"At least your symbiote seems to have recovered, how does it feel?"

I ease my hand inside to check on my symbiote, and 'junior' curls weakly around my hand. He has been through a great ordeal, but he has recovered. I was unconscious for so long as he had to heal himself before he could heal me.

"It appears to be fine"

"Do you have any idea what happened to it? Any idea how it was replaced in your 'womb'?"

"Replaced? I do not understand Doctor Frasier"

"We found particles of soil and some unidentified chemicals on your symbiote, and it appears that he was sedated. Teal'c, one of the reasons you were so weak was because we believe your symbiote was removed from you for at least several hours after you were wounded"

Removed?

Why would they remove my symbiote?

And why put it back?

"No more questions for now Teal'c, you need some more rest. Sleep, you're still very weak. We'll talk more tomorrow"

Yes...tomorrow.




***************************************




The gentle sounds of people sleeping fill the air, and I shift to find a more comfortable position. I slide across the floor to the ropes and lean into them with my back. I don't know if we're here to stay for good, but when the guards never came back everyone settled down for the night. I wonder if this means that the time of choice is getting close. Face it Sam, you're going to have to tell the Colonel soon. I sigh and let the ropes take my weight, reassured by the familiar gentle buzz of the Colonel's snoring behind me. He always swears he's never snored in his life, and Daniel and I usually just roll our eyes and exchange glances. It's actually rather a pleasant sound, just a soft rumbling reminder that the Colonel is here and he's asleep and I'm not alone. If I close my eyes I can almost imagine we're on a standard recon mission on some peaceful wooded world, staring up at the stars. I wish we were.

When the other prisoners started to settle down the Colonel and I made watch plans. Alith was as confused as ever, and Reebin doubly so, but Rosay wholeheartedly agreed. This is a new situation, sleeping here with all these people, and we both felt the need to keep an eye open. The Colonel tried half-heartedly to explain, but eventually he just curled up on the ground with his back to Reebin and I took first watch. With everything finally quiet I let my thoughts wander. In some ways I hate it when it's my watch, it's the only time I'm reminded of how lonely I am. I never think of it or notice when I'm at home, I'm always so busy. There's shopping to be done or research and tests, or hell even the world to be saved. And when we're off-world there's always something to keep me occupied, until it's my watch.

Then it all hits me.

I'm lonely.

Oh I have my team and I have my friends but still...still I feel so lonely. I'm not saying that I need to have a man in my life to feel complete, that's not it at all. Just...it would be nice. It's been so long since I went on a date, I'm sure I wouldn't know what to do. The snoring behind me shifts pace as the Colonel turns over. I know his every sleeping habit now, like I do Daniel's and Teal'c's. Sometimes when Daniel's asleep he does this cute little scampering thing. If he were a dog I'd swear he was chasing a rabbit. I wonder what I look like when I'm asleep? I probably look contended, and I bet they all think I dream circuit diagrams and equations. Well that's not what I dream about at all, there is more to my life than that you know, at least I'd like there to be. It's funny how people can know you and look at you and still not know what's underneath. I may seem fun-loving and full of life, but underneath I feel...empty a lot of the time. Empty and lonely and just a little sad. Just how the Colonel may appear gruff and caustic, but way down beneath all that he's caring and thoughtful and dare I say he's even gentle? Not to his face no, but it's true. And I guess Captain Hayes sees that too. I guess I'm glad that he's not alone anymore, not like I am. I always felt that the Colonel and I were alike in that respect, alone. And I always felt when we sat up some nights off-world we were doing something to stave that off for a little while. Together...

The Colonel's snoring stops abruptly and I lean back and smile. I just wish...ah forget that wish Sam, I just wish I had someone. Maybe not the love of my life and maybe not even the man I really want, but someone, anyone, just someone who would be there for me. Someone I could go to and rest my head on their chest, and they would wrap their arms around me and just be there, and hold me. I sigh and drop my head to my chest and suddenly I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. A warm body comes close to mine and the arm loops through the ropes and gently across my shoulders and I smile and feel myself relax.

"Don't worry Sam. I'm here"

The arm withdraws and I turn and meet gorgeous deep eyes that glitter in the dim light. He smiles gently, encouragingly, and I can't help but smile back.

"Thanks Reebin"




***************************************




"Can you remember anything at all about the mission Teal'c?"

Again the same question, and again I must give the same answer.

"I cannot. We went into the forest and then I must have been rendered unconscious"

General Hammond leans back in the firm plastic chair with a sigh, and I attempt to pull myself upright on the bed. Again Dr Frasier pushes me down. This is not right. It has been a month since we lost them, and I am still in bed. I should have recovered much quicker than this. What did they do to my symbiote? Whatever experiments they performed it has now thankfully fully recovered, and I should be close behind.

"I must return to the planet"

"You know I can't allow that Teal'c. We've sent six teams there over the last few weeks and they have all turned up empty. What makes you think you'll be able to uncover something they could not?"

"I do not know General Hammond, but perhaps if I return I may remember something I did not before"

The General sighs and glances across to Doctor Frasier. She bites her lip for a second then shrugs. The General sighs again and looks back at me.

"Okay Teal'c, we'll put you with SG6 and send them back. Are you sure you are up to it?"

"The planet holds no threats General Hammond, it is safe for me to return"

"No threats? So explain to me why you were seriously injured and the other three members of my best team are now missing in action?"

The General leans forward and stares at me, waiting for an answer.

I cannot give him one.

But I will give him a solution.

I will.




***************************************




I dunno what's going on here but I don't like it one little bit. I squeeze myself down on the mat between Reebo and Carter and shuffle closer to her. Reebo looks a little put out, but Carter smiles and leans over to straighten my cap. She's taken to looking after me, and I really don't mind. At least it keeps her hands off him.

I don't like the way those two look at each other.

When I woke up this morning they were chatting away as if they'd been at it all night. And they'd been talking when I woke to take watch in the middle of the night as well. If we didn't have this barrier between us no doubt he'd be sitting in her lap by now...easy Jack...easy. Green eyed monster creeping out is he? No, not at all! No jealousy involved here, this is just concern for a team-mate. Yeah so she's a big girl and I'm maybe a little over protective but I don't give a damn, I just don't like him. He gives me the creeps. And she deserves better than some smiling local boy who's never seen short blonde hair before. I see the way he watches her when she walks to eat or drink, and I want nothing more than to punch him in the mouth.

Easy Jack...

It's just...it's...he's just not the man for her, that's all.

She deserves someone kind, gentle, caring, loving, and really smart.

Damn...

Anyway, there IS a green eyed monster here...and his name is Reebin...




***************************************




Oh my.

I have to get out of here. I have to get them out of here. In the last two hours things have turned very bad. Well, nothing's changed but let's just say that some information has come to light. This is due to two things. One, we got a new member in our translation workforce today. A woman named Ovan arrived looking a bit the worse for wear, and two, that book I was just about to toss into the furnace suddenly became the most important book in this library.

It turns out that Ovan got ill while working elsewhere and spent a day at the infirmary. After what she will only call 'a full examination' she tried to use a Goa'uld dialect to get the guards to leave her alone and was sent down here to work with us. It seems she was no longer suitable for the role she was originally intended for. She seemed rather scared of the men here, but after a while I was able to calm her down and get her to talk, and she told me some interesting things...

"Uh...was there a woman in green there? Short blonde hair and blue eyes? Named Sam?"

She was fearful up to this point, then her eyes lit up and she nodded and smiled.

"Yes! I used to sit with Sam and Alith and Rosay and others. Sam protected us, once she kicked a man that was trying to touch me"

Okay, so Sam was okay up until yesterday, and still fighting fit by the sounds of it, that's good. I felt myself start to relax a little at that point.

"And the man is with her, the man in green who talks to us, umm...Kurnel is his name?"

"Jack! Colonel O'Neill? Oh that's good, so he's okay?"

"Yes, he was in a fight the other day and a guard hit him, but he's okay now. They are your friends? They come from the same place as you?"

"Yeah....they're my friends"

So by this point I was grinning ear to ear to hear they were okay and even better that they were together. They work so well together, each one filling in the shortcomings and expanding on the strengths of the other. Jack keeps Sam's feet on the ground and she inspires him. Opposites in a lot of ways, but you know what they say about opposites...Anyway, then she told me that they were split into sexes, and that she was glad she had been moved as something called 'the choosing' was apparently on it's way. I paused then, mouth open, clutching the book I was holding to my chest, and Ovan just looked at me curiously. Oh dear. I flipped open the book I had just finished the synopsis of, and read aloud.

"First the breeders must be chosen. After a period of watching the suitable males and females will be separated and prepared for the choosing..."

Ovan watches me as I flick through the pages aimlessly reading a few choice phrases that my eyes settle on.

'The males will choose a mate'

'The young will be nurtured and then prepared'

Jack and Sam are going to be used to breed more slaves? Is that it? Then all these complicated traditions and procedures seem a bit much. There are pages and pages detailing how long the prisoners get to spend with each other and for how long. Why not just let us all mix naturally and let things take their natural course? How on earth did they pick the breeders? I must say I'm a little hurt that I wasn't considered suitable, but that thought fades away as I see that the book is unfinished. This must be a copy, a copy that was never finished. I've come across copies before and thankfully that normally means that the original is around here somewhere. Somewhere among these hundreds of books. I get the funniest feeling that this breeding thing is about a hell of a lot more than simply assuring the next generation of slaves. I flip back to the last half-written page and my throat tightens as I read the last two lines.

'The food of the males will be prepared with supplements to increase the competition and desire to mate'

Uh-oh...Jack's got enough testosterone as it is...and then I read the last unfinished line, and I sit slowly and replace the book on my desk. Finding the original of this has just become the highest priority...

'The parasites require the highest quality of hosts to...' and it stops right there.

I have to find that book...




***************************************




I wonder if it's possible for me to go insane.

It's never occurred to me before and I wonder if that very thought and realisation of that possibility is the first sign of madness? Maybe it is, and quite frankly maybe I welcome it.

It would be a change if nothing else. Anything but just me and my increasingly worrying thoughts. Lately I've started to have a few...a few...umm...sorry I'm not too familiar with the concept...Regrets? Perhaps. Maybe there was more I should have done, maybe more places I should have gone, more orders given, more punishment meted out. Maybe.

Or maybe less. Maybe not as much.

Maybe I should have done things differently. Maybe I should have broken the mould of my forebears and...and...and what? What would I have done? Spread happiness and joy throughout the galaxy? Unlikely. Maybe I should have lived a quiet life, spent my many days on some quiet planet somewhere and tilled the land, but that's not me either. So I stay here, because I cannot leave. I suppose in a way I deserve it, or at least my predecessors do. I was not myself directly involved as I was too young at the time, but I guess direct culpability has very little to do with revenge, and I should know.

Oh look, it must be the eleventh day. Of course you understand that when I say look I don't mean it literally because I can't actually see as such, but I know they are there. That they are here.

And once more I pay for crimes that are not mine.




***************************************




I'm so glad we got to work today. It's the eleventh day, and apparently physical labour is not allowed. If you ask me its just because the people that live here are all so busy they can't afford to have all the prisoners wandering about. For some reason though they're not as worried about us women, and we were herded from the hall off to do some of the more delicate work the females are given. If I was to take a step back I'd say we were given work that requires perhaps more intelligence, but I'd never say that to the Colonel. Oh and speaking of that man, his behaviour has really been puzzling of late. I know SG1 are close, but I do wish he wasn't as protective of me when there's an interested male on the scene. Oh it's alright for him to go gallivanting off and sleep with any alien female who so much as looks in his direction, but if anyone so much as looks at me he hovers around me like an angry father. Maybe that's how he sees me, as a daughter. Yeuch...that's quite a disturbing thought, I mean know there's a few years between us and maybe he's a frustrated father but...he doesn't does he?

Wow...okay...current train of thought over. Wow.

Okay...maybe we don't get this job because we're uh...more capable, maybe we get it because being capable is all they credit us with... I guess someone somewhere thinks that women are less curious, less interested, less intelligent and less likely to understand complicated machinery and technology. Well guys, whoever you are, I'm afraid I don't fall into that category.

I stand and stare across the large vault, and I only start moving again when Rosay gives me a nudge. We've never come back this way before. We spent the day moving those canisters of liquid, and now we're in some vast cold storage area. I can't believe this place, it's huge! This hall is about one hundred metres long and half that again across. We walk in single file down the edge of the room, and periodically have to step over hoses and jets of escaping coolant. Impressive thought this place must be, it doesn't look like the denizens of this planet are very good on the upkeep side of things. And while I'm on the subject, where are said denizens? All I've seen are 'Jaffa' and a few silk clad nobles.

"Sam! What are you doing? Hurry up!"

Alith clutches at my sleeve as she stands shivering in the cold but I don't go straight away. I have to know. Large throbbing pipes run the length of the roof, and the large central vat seems to feed hundreds of smaller containers than are stacked a dozen high from floor to ceiling. What are these things? There must be something inside, something that they need to keep cool, or frozen. I edge closer to one of the containers, and when I push myself up on my toes I can see there is a frosted glass hatch on the top. I glance behind me and see that the slow trail of women have almost filed from the room. Rosay has almost reached the door and Jaffa at the other end and she glances back at me with a curious expression. Alith is still looking fretful and I can only hope that Rosay will occupy the guard for just a little longer...

"Just a second Alith..."

I push myself higher and try to haul myself to eye level with the container. I tuck my hand in the sleeve of my jacket and wipe at the built up condensation on the lid. Damn...its looks like most of the condensation is inside...Still, a little of the glass has become clear and I find a foothold and scramble upwards, coiling my fingers around some freezing pipes to steady myself. I'm just edging my eyes over the cleared area when something heavy hits me between the shoulders and then across the left side of my face and I lose my footing and fall heavily to the ground. Groggy but still conscious I manage to focus my eyes and find Rosay standing over me and trying to pull me to my feet, an angry Jaffa behind her. Damn...I almost saw it...almost...if I'd had one second more to verify what I saw, I could have sworn...

Ouch...My head hurts.

"Up Sam...please get up!" Hisses Alith, and I try and comply.

Rosay and Alith manage to get me to my feet and with a final booted shove from the Jaffa we leave the room. Ugh...they really do hit you hard around here. Oh well, at least the Colonel isn't the victim for once. Oh...the Colonel!

Damn...

I reach a hand up to scrub at my hair and it's then I realise that I've lost my cap. It must have fallen off when the guard hit me.

Sorry Colonel, I really didn't mean to lose it, but if I saw what I think I saw, then it's worth it.




***************************************




How come she's out working and we're not? Okay so I'm more bothered that I'm left here with her 'boyfriend' rather than annoyed at not getting to heft logs. I pace up and down for a while longer ignoring the glances of the other men. Reebo is off to powder his nose so I wander over to the basin with my hands jammed down into my pockets, and when I realise I'm not thirsty I wander back to the ropes. I run a restless hand through my hair and once more have to remind myself that I gave my hat to Carter to look after today. Her hair has grown a little since we got here, and I often see a little grimace of annoyance when she reaches up to tuck an errant strand behind her ear. So, being the gentleman I am I handed her over my cap when the guards started to prod them out, and made her promise to look after it. She took it with a smile and told me that it wouldn't get a scratch before slipping it on over her sleek blonde hair. A month with no shampoo and her hair and the rest of her still looks as good as ever. And me? Well I look the same whether I've spent a month in the field or a month at a health spa. Rugged, Sara used to call it.

"Are you okay Jack?"

I cringe despite myself and turn to face my new friend. I wish I'd never invited him to call me Jack, not even Carter calls me that. He walks towards me and stands regarding me with a slight frown. He looks a little awkward, and he fidgets and pulls at the collar of his rough woollen top and he shifts from foot to foot.

"Looks like you're the one with the problem Reebo"

He ignores my continuous bastardisation of his name and pushes past me to sit on the mat. I just stand there and stare down at him. It would be so very easy to kick him in the head right now, he wouldn't feel a thing, it would all be over quickly. Hell and no-one would notice with all the fighting that goes on around here, place is becoming an arena. Damn what's wrong with me? I mean I've never been one to sit quiet and suck up to someone I don't like, but I tend to manage to refrain from beating the crap out of them within a few days...I dunno...I just really want to...Yeah yeah Jack, boy saw the gate remember? Well, so he says, he assures me he knows vaguely where it is, but we need to wait until we're shifting logs for the fire into that big room by the library, he only knows where it is from there. I drag my hands from my pockets and drop to the mat as far from him as I can and twirl my food bowl on the floor. I'm just spinning it rather neatly on its side when I'm aware of Reebo turning to face me. He regards me warily for a moment as I studiously ignore him, then moves over in front of me, one hand on the ropes.

"You are in charge of Sam? Is that right?"

"I'm her commanding officer if that's what you mean" I reply, never taking my eyes from the round earthen bowl. He thinks on that for a second, then opens his mouth again. I wish he wasn't so damn chatty.

"Are you her friend as well? Or do you just work together?"

"Yeah I'm her friend, we're all friends. SG1 is a close team"

"And you travel to other planets for what, exploration? Meeting new peoples? Are your people curious?"

"Jesus Reebo, you sure ask a lot of questions" At least he's stopped asking ones about Carter...

"Umm yeah, I guess you could say our people are curious. We discovered our gate by accident like your people, and we're uh, explorers. What about you?" I have the bowl in my hands now and I'm seeing how far it can flex while gritting my teeth. Maybe I should have taken the time to ask him all this introduction stuff earlier, but to be honest he seems to prefer Carter's conversation. Don't we all...

"I assume you've had many...adventures?"

Okay, so he doesn't like talking about himself, well that's fine, I wish he wasn't so damn interested in us though.

"Yeah I guess. Got out by the skin of my teeth more times than I'd care to mention"

"And Sam? She has had many adventures?"

Now he's really beginning to annoy me. Does he want her zipcode too? Her dress size maybe? How about her starsign? If I didn't know any better I'd say he's fishing, testing the water with me. Maybe he's trying to find out how close we are, well we're real close buddy! And it's about time you backed right off! I turn and open my mouth to give him a slick put down, but when my eyes lock with his I feel a sudden curious rush of adrenaline sweeping my body, and my heart starts to pump faster as I feel my hackles rise. What is it about this guy that's bugging me so damn much?

"You have no idea the kind of things she's been through, hell, you wouldn't even understand most of them!" I say in a much louder and angrier voice than I intended. I'm suddenly aware of a few people glancing my way. Yeah well I'll take you all on...

"Well I would certainly try" He replies, holding my gaze with his.

He would try? What the hell is he talking about? And why did he say it in a tone that suggests that I don't try and understand her? I do try, I try as hard as I can! Sure so I'll never fully understand theoretical astrophysics or Jolinar, but I make a point of trying to! I do!

"Well Reebo, you don't have to worry because you won't ever get the chance, we'll be out of here as soon as possible then the two of you can say your little goodbyes and everything will get back to normal" I growl, trying to imagine us all back home, with no damn Reebo.

"If Sam wants to be my friend then there's nothing you can do to stop that" He growls back. Well maybe this guy does have some guts, his voice is low and menacing, and to be honest from what little I know of him this is really out of character.

"Well she's already my friend Reebo, and I think I know her well enough to know she's not interested in you" Well actually, I think she is, but I'm certainly not gonna do him a favour and tell him. What the hell does she see in him anyway? He's a short ass for a start, I'm way taller than him...

"I think Sam would enjoy making new friends if you weren't so hostile" Oh now I'm angry you stuck up little...I glare at him over my shoulder and lower my voice to an angry growl.

"Listen Reebo or whatever your name is, you don't know word one about Carter!"

He shuts up at that, and his eyes lower to the floor as he seems to think for a while. Then he looks up at me and his eyes are suddenly dark.

"I know her name is Sam"

Oh that's it. I leap to my feet just as he does and my hands are on his neck and his on mine within a few seconds.

"I know what her fucking name is asshole! And Sam's my friend, not yours, and she never will be yours!"

He struggles in my grasp and squeezes a few words out around my grasping hands.

"Yes...she...will..."

I use my weight advantage to back him towards to the wall so I can get a better grip, but I'm struggling to maintain any control through the red mist that has descended over my eyes. He twists and pushes suddenly, and I topple and have to step back to regain my balance. He moves towards me and takes a clumsy swing and I easily duck under it and reach for his arm. His other fist swings round and contacts with my skull but I ignore it and twist him, my arm coming under his chin. I'm just about to straighten myself and twist and snap when a voice calls out from across the hall and stops me.

"Sir! Colonel! Stop!"

I haul Reebin's weakening form around and see Carter straining against the ropes as the other women file in behind her. Her face is aghast and for a moment I grin smugly at her and hope she's impressed, then suddenly all that fades away as I take in the red marks down one side of her face and I pull my restraining arm away and let Reebin's heavy weight slide to the floor.

"Sir??...what's going on? Reebin!"

"I...I..." It's all I can get out. Reebin stirs on the floor and rubs at his eyes then looks up at me. I'm betting I look as confused as him, what the hell was that? Okay so an argument got a little physical which isn't in itself that unusual, but I...I was five seconds away from killing the guy...if Carter hadn't come in then I'd of...jeez I'd of snapped his neck without a thought. Reebin attempts to get up and I extend an arm to help him without thinking. He takes it and once upright we both wander over to Carter. She looks at Reebin with concern and reaches through to check he's okay, then her eyes turn to me and register what I can only assume is contempt.

"Carter I...I...what happened? Who hit you? Are you okay?"

"Sam are you alright?" Reebin asks, reaching through the ropes for her. She ignores him and turns to me, hands on hips, her red angry face matching the welts on her delicate cheek.

"What the hell were you doing sir? You could've killed him!"

God I know, I know. This is so not like me. Yeah so maybe I'd of hit him, but even when those two guys attacked me the other day I simply neutralised them, and in this case when faced with a smaller and much less dangerous opponent I suddenly snap into special forces training and go straight for the kill! What the hell is wrong with me? I sink down onto the mat along with Reebin and Carter is checking him over without even sparing a glance for me. Reebin catches my eye and I find myself staring at him. The sudden anger is gone, and I watch numbly as he pushes Carter aside and moves over to me, Carter tries to stop him but he moves out of reach.

"I...I don't know what came over me Jack, I'm sorry. Believe me when I say that this is just not like me"

"I know Reebo, believe it or not this isn't exactly my style either"

Carter is glaring between the two of us like naughty children, and both Reebin and I lower our heads guiltily. I feel like I've been caught scrapping with my brother. Reebin keeps his eyes on the floor but all I can do is stare at her face. Who the hell hit her? I'll kill him! I'll rip him limb from limb I'll....woh...here comes the rage again...I shake my head vigorously and dig my knuckles into my eyes. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Carter yells, azure eyes darting from me to Reebo. I glance at him and he raises his shoulders a fraction in puzzlement. I'm with you Reebo, just this once. I turn back to Carter and lean forward to peer at her bruises.

"You first"




***************************************




She's not happy...oh she's so not happy. Carter's sitting legs folded, arms crossed, staring around the hall. Her eyes never settle for long and every so often they move across mine and I try and appease her with one of my face creasing smiles. She doesn't buy it. She just sighs and rolls her eyes further around the room. We tried to explain we really did, and even though Reebin's story exactly backs up mine, and hell, we even shook on it and made up, she's still not happy. Rosay leans over to say something to Alith to cheer her up, and Carter catches the joke and smiles, then winces. Alright, enough. I skootch up to the ropes and reaching through I take a hold of her wrist. A brief annoyed expression flashes across her face, but I shake my head and pull her towards me. No arguments Carter, I'm the CO here remember?

I spend the next few minutes sifting through the small medkit she carries in her infamous jacket pockets. We're lucky that when they took us, they only took away our weapons, backpacks and vests. When we woke up here, wherever we are, I still had a carton of juice, a bust pen and a set of nude playing cards. Carter on the other hand is much more sensible than me, she had nutrition bars, a medkit, notebooks, various other little packets and little sealed containers that I've never been able to snoop in, and a tiny handheld meter thingy that can tell you everything from the ambient temperature to what you had for breakfast three weeks ago. Like I said, I don't know what I'd do without her.

"Easy" I say when she jerks her head away at my clumsy touch. Most of her cheek is just bruised, but there's a few cuts, plus I need to check her cheekbone isn't broken.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little"

She bites on her lip and sucks in a harsh breath as I clear the dried blood with an antiseptic wipe. It's hard treating someone through a fence, and having Reebo peering over my shoulder isn't helping either.

"Look, can you back off a bit? She's gonna be fine, but I could do with a little room here"

Reebo nods his head and gets up to stretch his legs. Good...go away. Carter gives him a smile as he gets up, but her eyes are cold when they return to me. I seem to excel at annoying her sometimes. I pull her face close to the ropes, and gently press along the length of her delicate cheekbone. Wouldn't do for this to be broken, wouldn't wanna spoil that pretty face. That checked I smooth her soft pale skin with a callused thumb and give her one of my very best smiles.

"All done. You look a little roughed up but I'm sure Reebo won't mind"

She pulls back from my lingering fingers and pulls her legs up to her chest at my lame excuse for a joke. Oh how many times do I need to apologise for this?

"Carter, I told you, I never meant to get in a fight with him, it just...happened. We got into a little argument and it just suddenly turned physical"

"It just happened? Sir, if we hadn't come in just then you would have broken his neck! You know you've had years of training and Reebin isn't even a soldier! He was no match for you!" As if sensing we're talking about him, Reebin comes back over and sits on the rug as far away from us as possible. He senses the argument and wisely keeps his eyes and opinions elsewhere.

"Uh...would it help if I said I didn't mean it?" She keeps on staring at me, and something tells me it won't. Reebin sits back and rubs his head, and I wince when I see the livid red marks on his throat. That'll be colourful tomorrow.

"Look...something's not right about this place. You saw that big fight the other day, half the guys in here were in a pile up, and there were those two guys that picked on me. Something ain't right, I don't go snapping the necks of people who piss me off Carter!"

"I...I guess not Sir"

She looks down and away. Great, I don't think she believes me. Reebin has his hand on his throat and I can tell he's a little shocked at my neck snapping admission. Well it won't do him any harm to know what I'm capable of. Why the hell did I get so jealous? I mean it just doesn't make sense...unless...wait a minute...this rings a bell...

"Carter? Isn't this a bit like that land of the dark and light thing?

I look at Carter to see if she has any ideas, but she still seems shocked by it all. Plus I didn't like her look when I told Reebo that this wasn't my style. Yeah so I'm a soldier but I'm not a thug! Is that what she sees me as? Some mindless grunt? Yeah so I'm not a genius scientist like she is but I'm not dumb, and I most certainly don't enjoy killing.

"I mean, there was no explanation for me getting all jealous over you like that, hey, maybe there's something in the food?"

I wait for her thinking expression to wash over her face, but it doesn't come, instead she's gazing at me curiously. What? Oh...I just told her that the argument was about jealousy...over her...

Oops.




***************************************




It has to be somewhere.

I perch precariously at the top of a wheeled ladder and stretch as far as I can to the end of the shelf hoping that this will spell the end of my search. Damn. Two scrolls about Jaffa drills, and one hefty book that looked incredibly promising, but only seems to hold recipes. The goa'uld cookbook? Somehow I can't imagine that one being a best seller. I know the book I need is in here, but I really need it as soon as possible. If Jack and Sam are up to their necks in this then it'd really help if I knew all the ins and outs. Okay...and then what? Then I go running in there are rescue them? Yeah right, that'd be the day.

"You! Daniel! What are you doing up there?"

Jarnas, great. I look back down over my shoulder and he's standing with his fat hands on his fat hips glaring up at me. His Jaffa stand in a loose circle around him and look bored.

"Uh...looking for something new to translate"

"Why don't you just take a book from the bottom? Come down here and get on with your work!"

Great. I pick a random scroll from the shelf and make my way back down the ladder. Jarnas waddles back off to his heaped desk and I to mine, Jaffa in tow. I settle on my chair and flick the book open and start to translate the opening line.

'And then the Jaffa perform many drills, and they shall be written as follows..."

Ugh...boring. The Jaffa settle on either side of my desk and I start translating the first few pages. I'm going to be here a while. I try and concentrate on the pages in front of me but all I can think about is the book stashed under my seat and the original that's still out there somewhere. I'll find it eventually, but let's just hope I find it in time.

Just hold on guys, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.




***************************************




"I suppose it is possible sir, it would certainly explain the actions of the other men. It must be hormones sir, testosterone I would guess"

"Right okay, so they're drugging us, but what the hell for?"

She shrugs and looks at her friends, and again I get that little niggling feeling at the back of my skull. Well, if she does know something and she thought it was really important she'd tell me, right?

"Okay, the best plan would be for us to stay as calm as possible yes? Reebin?"

"I think that would be for the best Jack," He says with a look for Sam. She hasn't asked further about the reason for our argument, and quite frankly I'm glad because I really don't think I could explain it.

"Okay, so let's just forget about that little 'incident' Carter, and focus on the here and now. So what happened when you were out working? What the hell did you do to get hit like that, and more importantly, where's my hat?"

"Oh sir, I lost it I'm sorry, when the guard hit me I fell and it must have come off. It must still be there, I'm sorry sir"

"Aww Carter, you know how much I love that hat! It was perfect, and now your telling me I've gotta spend months training up a new one? I finally got that one to the perfect fit, and the perfect peak curvature, and you lost it?"

She smiles and rocks forward as she laughs a little.

"Hey! I mean it you know! I loved that hat!" I feign sadness and curl out my bottom lip with a whimper. She clubs at me through the ropes and it looks as though we may be friends again. You don't know how much that means to me Sam, you have no idea.

"So...what did you do that earned you that?" I say, indicating her cheek.

Her face suddenly goes all serious and she leans in to talk quietly to me. I lean closer myself, secretly pleased at the twinkle in her eyes. I know what that twinkle means, that means she's found something interesting, something she's curious about, something that buzzing around in her brain demanding to be solved. I may be in for a slew of techno-wotsit, but I don't care, it's worth it to see her come to life. It's a pity that it's only machines that seem to do that.

"Sir, I saw something that...well...I'm not sure but..."

I clear my mind of everything else so I can concentrate on what she's got to say, but it looks like I'm not gonna get much of a chance...here come the Jaffa. Man that should be a regular catchphrase around the SGC. Everyone gets to their feet as twenty big guards stomp into the room followed by the golden armoured chief. They space themselves around the perimeter and the big kahuna gets up on his little mobile pedestal. I like how they keep us informed, mind you, I haven't liked any of the announcements he's made so far. I tuck my hands into my pockets and suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. Sam's fingers curl around the material of my jacket and she looks terrified. The woman are sobbing and clutching each other and I am torn between questioning Sam and listening to the guard.

"Carter?...what is it?"

"Now you will be taken back to your cells. Tomorrow we will have the choosing" Rumbles the head guard, then he turns on his heel and leaves.

I squint my eyes and curl my lip at the guard's words. The choosing? What the hell is that? I turn to ask Sam but the women are panicking and running aimlessly around. The guards wallow in with their usual tact and start to haul women towards the door. Sam clutches tighter at my sleeve and I turn and take her hand through the ropes.

"Sam? What is it? You know something don't you?"

"Colonel...I...it's..."

"Sam, tell me..."

"Colonel, the food must be drugged, they're doing it to...to..."

"Carter, tell me right now, that's an order!" I yell.

Her hand slips from mine and she looks as though she's been hit. Okay so that wasn't the most tactful way to extract information that's obviously bothering her, but I get the feeling that I may not get another chance...

"Colonel...I need you to...to..."

Suddenly she's wrenched back from my grip and she spins around and stumbles across the floor as a Jaffa hauls her by her collar. She slams into the far wall and nimbly ducks a flying elbow and shoots out the door before she has a chance to be punished for hanging around. I'm halfway to ripping my way through the ropes by sheer determination when I suffer a similar fate and slam into the wall, crushing my arm between my chest and the brick and neatly winding myself. Another yank from a friendly guard and I'm stumbling towards the door myself, and as I go through I find Reebo hanging back as much as he can to wait for me. The guard slams the door behind us and prods us down the hall with the business end of his staff weapon.

"You shouldn't have shouted at her" Says Reebo, glancing up at me warily. Way to piss me off Reebo, you've been practising.

"Well she knows something she's not telling me, something important!"

"I think she was scared to tell you..."

"What? What the hell for? What was she too scared to tell me?"

He looks at me then away, and despite the guards behind me I stop him and pull him towards me with a hand on his shirt.

"Tell me" I say, and we pause in the corridor. He glances behind him worriedly, then pulls his shirt from my desperate grip.

"The choosing...most of the women know what it is. That's why they have been...feeding us things. Tomorrow we will be mixed together and the men will be allowed to chose a mate"

"A mate? What the hell are you talking about?"

"That's what we're chosen for Jack, breeding. They expect us to pair off and breed more slaves. Sam knew and she was afraid to tell you"

I don't understand. She was afraid? Why didn't she tell me...I don't understand...Why on earth would Sam be afraid of me?

"Afraid? What do you mean?"

"She was probably afraid to ask you to chose her"

What?

My brain numbs over as we are driven from the room, and I don't even notice as Reebin gets shoved into a cell and I get shoved along the corridor to another one.

I...I don't understand...




***************************************




I am there.

On the planet.

I turn to watch the gate snap shut behind me, then I simply take in the vista before me as SG6 under the watchful eye of Major Bergmann fan out and secure the area. I walk carefully down the ramp and finally my feet find the soil of what has began to be refereed to as 'That damned planet', or 'the mystery planet'. No-one has time for it's true designation, and as Captain Hayes told me yesterday, no-one wants to assign it a 'cute' name either. I can understand their sentiments, but naming the planet or not will not bring back O'Neill, Major Carter and Daniel Jackson.

We start to walk slowly along the path I vaguely remember taking, but the tracks are so overridden and eradicated by our own personnel that it is hard to see exactly what route we took when we first arrived. We walk for a few minutes and Bergmann finally comes to a halt underneath some large broad-leaved trees. SG6 were the team that recovered me when SG1 were overdue, so although the place has been thoroughly gone over by various teams, they remember exactly how the area looked when they found me.

"This is as far as the footsteps came Teal'c, you must have walked this far, then for some reason you turned back to the gate"

I nod at Bergmann and slowly turn around to see if anything looks familiar. It does not. I remember leaving the gate and walking out into the trees, but this is an activity we have done many times on many similar planets, and my memory of this one may not be entirely correct. I turn and face the gate, and it rises majestically out of the trees, its apex arcing across the pale blue sky. I remember nothing. I walk back to the DHD, and look down at the dark patch of dried blood where they found me. When they came through I was simply lying here, my life all but gone, and there was simply no sign of the others, no sign at all. Apparently the four sets of footsteps led up to the DHD then simply stopped. The others disappeared and I was found here. They must have gone through the gate. And if they did, we have no way of finding them. They either manage to return themselves or not at all. Not at all.

I turn again to take in the vista and I start to feel a thought pushing at my mind. It twists away from me and I am unable to bring it to focus. I try once more and just as a hazy picture starts to swim into view a small figure appears by my side and looks up at me.

"You don't remember anything, do you Teal'c?" A voice asks. I turn and look down and a hopeful face looks up at me from under a military cap. Her green eyes plead at me from behind long lashes, and her hastily tied back dark hair constantly threatens to slip free and fall in front of her face. Endearing, O'Neill used to call it.

"I'm afraid I do not Captain Hayes"

She bites her lip for a moment, then nods and turns away to continue guarding the gate. She feels Colonel O'Neill's loss most out of everyone, and because of this we have become closer. I understand that she and O'Neill had 'dated' and she must miss him very much.

The rest of SG6 come back to the gate, and Major Bergmann raises his eyebrows at me, to which I can only shake my head. He nods in comprehension, then orders his team back through the gate. I have failed them. I have failed my friends and I have failed the General. The gate opens with a splash and we move towards it. It is only as I pass into the wormhole that I feel that tingle again.

Something, or someone...there was someone else here with us...




***************************************




I can't believe she never told me.

I can't believe it.

Didn't she trust me, is that it? I don't understand. Maybe she thought I'd abandon her and go after some other woman. The way I've been acting lately maybe that's exactly what she thought. I can't help it, it's whatever they're feeding me.

The guys eventually all settle down, and most of them curl up in the far corner. Well I don't feel like joining you boys, cold though it is. I'd rather just sit here and be miserable. Maybe she never told me because she didn't think I'd pick her. Of course I would! I'm her CO and her friend and it's my Goddam job to look after her and keep us together as best as I can! And hell even if it wasn't for all that I'd pick her anyway, no-one else here can hold a candle to her, no-one! Yeah but I'm not alone in that thought am I? Maybe she never wanted to tell me because she knew that Reebo knew, maybe she wanted him to rush in and sweep her off her feet before I knew what the hell was going on. Over my dead body...and that's not the extra hormones talking. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the guy, it's just the thought of her with him...gets my blood boiling. I'm glad I'm not bunking with him, that cheery chat and deep soulful looks probably would have earned him a slap by now. Hormones of course.

Everything slowly falls quiet, the only sounds the buzzsaw rasp of a fat man's snoring, and a gentle whispering that seems to come from far away. Whispering? Where the hell is that coming from? I tilt my head and concentrate, and I can hear the distinct sound of light voices. Women, some of the women must be close. I swing my head around to look at the roof, and right up where the walls and ceiling meet there are a few small, square holes that must presumably lead to the adjoining cells. Must be ventilation or something. I get to my feet and drag one of the small wooden benches as quietly as I can to the nearest hole, and stretching on my toes I try and get my ear to the short stone tunnel. I don't quite reach but I can't hear voices either. I try another two holes, and when I climb to the second one, the volume of the whispering suddenly jumps two dozen decibels, and I struggle to hold myself flat against the cold smooth stone to identify individual voices. I listen for a few moments, and I'm about to give in and get some sleep, when a very familiar voice cuts across the rest and calmly tells them not to worry. It's Sam. I glance at my sleepy buddies, then get my mouth as close to the hole as I possibly can.

"Carter!" I whisper harshly.

Silence. The voices stop dead, so it's obvious they hear me. I call her name again, and after a few minutes and a bit of scuffling, her querulous voice sounds clear in my head.

"Colonel?"

"Yeah it's me, you okay?"

"I'm fine, is something wrong sir?"

I bite my lip for a second, then decide it's probably better to tell her. I want this out in the open. I'd rather talk to her face to face, but I don't really have much choice in the matter, and something tells me I won't get much of a chance for a quiet chit-chat tomorrow.

"I know Sam" I say softly, letting her name slip over my lips, and she lapses into silence. I wish I knew what she's thinking. Is she glad? Annoyed? Disappointed? What?

"Why didn't you tell me Sam?"

"I...I hoped we'd be long gone before then sir"

That's a lie, but I'll let it go. She sounds so defeated, and I really don't have the will nor the inclination to tell her off for withholding important information from her CO. Now I think about it she was probably hideously embarrassed about the whole thing. I don't blame her, it's a pretty ridiculous situation.

"Yeah sorry about that Carter, my master plan kept getting interrupted by those strange bouts of unconsciousness I seem to be prone to"

She stifles a giggle and I smile, feeling the cool wall against my cheek. I lean into it, and let it take my weight. She's not defeated, not by a long shot. Sam never gives up, that's one of the things that make her such a good team member, but hell being imprisoned against your will does tend to bring you down a little, and I should know.

"What are we going to do sir?" She asks, and I can tell that that is one question she really didn't want to ask, but had to.

"We're gonna get through this, then we're gonna find Danny and get the hell out of here"

I know that's not what she meant, but I feel like I gotta try and cheer her up. I hear a little snort, but that's all I get, no laughter. No giggles.

"Sir..." she starts, but she gets no further. She doesn't need to, I know exactly what she's thinking, and I feel a twisting sadness in my stomach that she felt she had to ask, that she felt she had to make sure. Damn...you really think I'd abandon you on this?

"You better pick me Sam, some of those friends of yours look a little dangerous"

Okay so not the most eloquent of assurances, but I never said I was good at that kind of thing. She laughs a little, and I smile at the sound and hope she understands what I'm really trying to say. I say a lot of things like that to her, hide my pride and my admiration and some other things in smart little comments and sarcastic throwaways, and I hope to God that over the years she's learned to see what I really mean, I hope she has. I'd hate to think I've put her through all the things I have with little or no thanks or appreciation. It's there Sam, you just gotta dig a little for it. Believe me I'd like nothing better than to thank you outright, I'm just not that good with words I'm afraid, and I never have been.

"What about Alith sir?"

Damn, I never thought about that. If one of those mad guys gets a hold of her they'll kill her. She's so frail and terrified she'll get her neck broken out of sheer frustration on a horny guy's part, God I don't want that to happen. Sam's voice comes hesitantly out of the darkness then, and I feel my heart squeeze a little at her words.

"Sir...maybe...maybe you should pick Alith, she can't defend herself sir, and I can. She needs protecting sir..."

"Sam...I know you don't need protecting, but I need you to help me plan a way out of here, I need you to help me work out what the hell is going on in this crazy place, and the best damn way for us to do that is to stay together okay? Don't worry about Alith, Reebo and I gotta plan, he's gonna make sure she's safe with him okay?"

She sighs then, and for some reason I hope to God that it's with relief that Alith is gonna be protected, and not disappointment that she doesn't get to go with Reebo. Okay so I lied a little to her, but I'm pretty sure that Reebo's got some morals in him, and if he doesn't play along tomorrow then I'll make him.

"Okay sir...if you're sure that's best..." Best?...best? That hurt Sam, that hurt me. Do you think I'd leave you alone, do you? Do you think I'd really rather be with anyone else here but you? I need you, I can't get out of here without you, and if I'm having to stay here for now then I need you with me...I just do. Christ Sam, even if things were different, even if we weren't SG1 and I wasn't your CO, I'd still choose you.

I'd choose you.

I stretch up as far as I can and reach my right arm up and into the hole. I push up on my toes and twist my wrist in as far as it will go, wiggling my fingers in the hope that they'll reach far enough for her to see.

"Sam..." I say, my voice sounding strangled in my ears as I press my sternum against the wall to get an extra inch of reach. I hold my breath in the dim silence, and then finally her hesitant fingers find mine, tips touching briefly. When they edge close enough they wrap around each other, intertwining, and I squeeze her fingers tightly, and she squeezes back. That warmth feels so good, so reassuring, and we stay that way for as long as we can. Finally we can keep that position no longer, and our fingers slide cruelly apart, as we slip down our respective walls. The light has all but completely gone now, and I ease my tired frame up against the wall, my forehead against the cool marble.

"It'll be okay" I say, barely a whisper, and I hear Sam getting down from the bench in the other cell. I get down myself, easing my tired leg muscles and locked knees, and settle on a rough blanket on the floor, pulling the dirty edges around me.

It'll be okay...




***************************************




"What will happen then
When tomorrow comes?
Could it be the same?
Could I just be gone?"

- Grand Noise




***************************************




What a disappointment.

I really thought something was going to happen today, but it looks like I was wrong. They were here, people were here, but they passed through without stopping. For a moment I was almost sure there was someone close by, someone...someone...curious, and for a moment I mentally held my breath...but then they were gone. And I am alone once more. Just me and my thoughts...wonderful...

I often wonder if they taunt me like this deliberately, if they set me up and take me down just to keep me interested, just to keep me going, keep me...alive? I guess in a way it does...keep me alive that is.

Of course, there is another possibility, a possibility that is far more frightening than all the rest put together. They...they might not even know that I'm here. No, that's not right, of course they know I'm here, I mean, they put me here, but they might not know that I am alive, that I'm conscious, and boy am I conscious. Every waking moment drags by for me in terrible lonely sensory deprivation.

I think I'd rather be dead. Of course, my natural pride and arrogance sweeps that thought away almost as quickly as it comes. I am alive, and I will get out of here.

And then?

Then I just want to get away...




***************************************




"Reebin! Hey Reebin! Over here!"

I push my way past the thronging smelly men and try and catch up with Reebo. He turns and strains to see over the others, and when he spots me he actually smiles. God, tell me he doesn't like me! Maybe it's just because I got his damn name right for once. He ducks into a doorway and waits for me to catch up. His green eyes are shining brightly, and the rest of the men are restless and grouchy. We got a slap up meal last night, and I guess it must have been packed with all kinds of things. I tried to refrain, but in the end I was so hungry I scoffed half of it. Let's just hope I can stay in control with an extra large dose of testosterone hurtling around my body. Memories of beating Daniel during my last hormone overload do not bode well for Reebo. I finally catch up to him and clutch at Reebo's arm pulling him close. Let's lay it on the line, no choices Reebo, here are your instructions.

"Listen Reebo, you have to pick Alith, that little black haired woman. The friend of Sam's? I don't want her to end up with anyone else and I know you'll look after her" I deliver this last phrase with a glare fit for a lowly airman. He better look after her. He stops, has a think for a moment, then looks up at me.

"I will protect her Jack, I won't let anyone else hurt her"

"Good, then everything is going to go smoothly okay? I'll grab Carter, you grab Alith, and we get out of there as soon as possible okay?"

He thinks for a moment, and I'm suddenly aware that his eyes seem sort of out of focus. Great, boy's all spaced out on the drugs. Not good. What if he decides just to take Sam? Well he better not, I thought I made it absolutely clear yesterday when I nearly killed him that Sam was with me. Great, not only do I have to avoid and most likely fight a few dozen guys, but I also have to keep an eye out for my so called 'buddy' Fantastic. We wander further down the corridor towards our usual hall, when all of a sudden a door seals off the corridor behind us and the one in front remains shut. I stop and rock back on my heels, but already there's a few angry shouts from further down the line. Great, what's up? Reebin tries to see over the crowd, and then turns to face me.

"I think they are going to keep us here for a while"

"What for?...and God...for how long?" I ask as I start to fidget, casting my eyes about for something to fiddle with. Reebin looks me up and down and grimaces, his boyish face scrunching as he watches me.

"To make us restless. To make us angry and agitated, to get us ready for the choosing"

Oh.

Great.




***************************************




This is not happening, this is not happening.

I'm standing in a hall full of crying nervous women, waiting for a bunch of crazy horny men to come in and 'choose' one of us to mate with. This isn't real, tell me it's not real. I close my eyes and almost manage to block out the sobs and pleads, when a tugging on my sleeve wakes me.

"Sam...what will we do Sam, what will we do?"

I look down at Alith, and I can't think of a damned thing to say. Rosay moves forward confidently and places a hand on her shoudler.

"You'll be okay Alith, Reebin will look after you, Sam will be with the Colonel, and I will master any man who comes near me!"

Alith smiles timidly, and I laugh at Roasy's confidence. Mind you, she probably will, she could easily hold her own over any of the men out there. But what happens if the couple don't...uh...get together? Do they get left like that or what? Okay Sam, let's just concentrate on the moment, I can worry about that later. Oh...right now I have much more pressing concerns. After an hour of standing here, the door on the far side of the hall opens, and we all instinctively take a step backwards, Alith clutching at my jacket. There's a series of shouts and yells, and out troop the men, seemingly a little the worse for wear. They push and shove their way out, and I can tell they're not hoping for a little friendly conversation. The most eager guys make straight for the ropes and pull on them, shouting and leering at us, and I'm too caught up in looking for Reebin and the Colonel to notice the ropes suddenly dropping from the roof. Alith squeals and clutches at me, and Rosay lowers herself into a fighting stance. This is it, where is the Colonel?

I expected to have to practically fight for my life within seconds, but as soon as all the men got into the hall, they seem more intent on fighting each other rather than claiming a mate. Good, the longer they stay away from us the better, but where is the Colonel? He told me he'd be here for me, he told me it'd be okay...I scrunch back against the wall, and as I try and see through the bodies of the men I catch a flash of green at the bottom of a pile. Great, I see limbs struggle and flail, and I guess the Colonel's reputation has made him the victim of a little pile up. This is not going very well.

"Sam!...Sam what are we going to do?"

"Sssh Alith, just stay behind us!"

Okay...I can't just stand here and watch the Colonel being pummelled like that! Strong and fast though he is he's no match for thirty guys! Luckily though they start to branch of into smaller groups and I finally see the Colonel lift and throw one of the men just as another leaps onto his back. I have to help him. I push Alith back against the wall and Rosay takes a hold of her arm and nods at me, sensing what I'm about to do. I could really use her help out there but I'd rather she look after Alith. Taking a deep breath I launch myself forward and within a few seconds someone slams into my side. I drop quickly and roll out of the way before he can get his hands on me. I hear a disgruntled roar but I keep on moving. A large slow man tries to grope me but I push him sideways and leap out of reach. I'm almost to the group at the rear when two fighting men topple over on to me and I go down underneath. Their combined weight is way too much for me and I'm crushed. I just lie and struggle for a minute, my breath forced out of me, and all of a sudden the two guys seem to come to the realisation that they're actually lying on top of the very thing they're fighting over. A woman.

A stray hand rakes across my abdomen and I try and roll to one side but it's not working, oh God I should have stayed out of trouble. The air is suddenly filled with screaming women and yelling fighting men. Oh God I can't believe this! When I plunged into this I really wasn't thinking, and now I feel a terror rise in my belly and snake up my throat. Oh my God the men have totally lost it, no Sam...you have to stay calm...stay calm! Oh God people are being hurt here! A piercing male scream cuts across the room and I dread to think what's just happened. How can they do this? How can they drug us up and treat us like animals? Is that what we are to them? Don't they give a damn about us? The weight shifts on me as the men struggle again and as a tear starts to squeeze from my eye the weight is suddenly gone and my chest inflates as the air rushes in. I feel dizzy and light headed but I have no time to think as a hand grabs my wrist and pulls me upright and to the side. I side-step another burly man and finally I step away and turn to face my rescuer. About time sir...

"Sam! Are you okay?"

Oh.

"I'm fine Reebin...fine..."

We stare at each other for what seems like minutes, though I know it must only be seconds. His gorgeous green eyes are wide and deep, and as we stand panting I can feel myself slowly slip inside. His hands close tightly over my shoulders and I realise he's breathing very erratically, and sweat pours down his forehead. He moves again then to side-step another two combatants and starts to pull me with him towards the far wall. I take a step with him and then stop. Something indefinable makes me stop. Reebin looks at me curiously and my adrenaline fogged brain struggles to think. No...what about the Colonel? I have to make sure he's okay. I have to! I pull my arms from Reebin's grip and for a moment annoyance crosses his doubtless desire addled brain. He takes a step towards me and I place my hands on his chest.

"Reebin, you have to go find Alith and make sure she's okay. I have to find the Colonel okay?"

He blinks numbly at me for a moment, then nods and turns to trot across the hall. For a horrible moment there I thought he wasn't going to go. Moving back towards the others I strain to see over the crowd but I don't know if Alith and Rosay are still there. There are already a few couples huddling against the walls, and a few woman are involuntarily in the hands of men. I can't bear to think of what might happen to them, but I have to find the Colonel. It's easier going this time as I run across the hall. Most of the men are tired and sluggish from their exertions and I manage to avoid all their clumsy attempts to grasp me. I hear a roar from behind me and turn to find the Colonel tossing another man over his shoulder, only to be barrelled into by another guy. He punches the guy square on the jaw and his now unconscious form falls forward, dragging the Colonel to the ground. Thank God he's okay. He struggles a little under the guy, but his attacker seems happy where he is. Okay Colonel, I never quite imagined that I'm be coming after you today, but I guess it is a liberated age and all. Stepping forward I jam my elbow into the ribs of his attacker and he grunts and slips forward. I reach around behind and under him and I hook my fingers into the Colonel's belt-line and haul as hard as I can. I put a foot up on the unconscious man for leverage and take a grab of the back of the Colonel's jacket and pull.

Why is it so hard to get a man these days?




***************************************




Oh right! Just pick on me why don't you!

I think my friendliness with all those women has really got me a few black marks with my XY buddies here. I tried to shove my way through at the off, but by the time I got inside the door I lost sight of Reebo and I was flattened by three burly guys. Things are not quite going to plan, and now I'm under a large pile of men...I have to get to Carter!

I struggle for air and leverage and just as I grab someone's ankle and find a pressure point, what feels like another five bodies is suddenly added to the weight on my back. This is no use. I roll determinedly to one side but a boot in the face blinds me for a moment. I desperately scrub the tears from my eyes and thank my lucky stars that I can still see. I'm running out of time, I have to get out of here! Finally, some of the guys roll off of me, more intent on their own personal grudges with their current opponent, and I manage to slide out of the way. Looks like the plans backfired, everyone here is more interested in beating seven shades of hell out of each other than getting to the women. Good, leaves my way clear to get to Carter. Mind you, she's probably standing atop a pile of unconscious men by now...

An angry man grabs my shoulder, and I effortlessly twist and throw him, only to have the wind knocked out of me as a twenty stone giant connects with my torso and we go down. It seems as though he's winded himself and the next minute is taken up by the two of us trying to get our breath back. I pant and writhe underneath him and when I manage to turn a bit I see Carter coming this way. I try to call but I don't have the breath to do it, then I see her go down as two fighting men step backwards and into her. No! I jab my fingers into the abdomen of the slug on top of me, and he grunts and starts to move away. Faster you idiot, faster! I pool all my strength and push at him, and my whole body starts to tremor as rage fills me. Move you fucking asshole move! I fold quickly as he rolls to one side and I move him off my legs with a punch to the nose, not even bothering to see if I killed him or not. Looks like those hormone things are really working, I've never felt so damn angry. Sam...I have to get Sam. Just as I push off the floor another couple of guys trip on me and squash me flat, and just as my chin connects with the floor I see that Sam is struggling to get free, and I feel a low growl start in my throat as I see Reebin rushing in to help her. No...no you don't you bastard...you just keep your damn alien hands off Sam! Don't you dare fucking touch her or I'll kill you I swear! Leave...her...alone!

I roll and twist, launching my two attackers off of me and while I try and escape their flailing limbs I take an elbow and wrist in my hands and fiercely snap the bones between. I ignore the terrible scream my victim emits and roughly shove another guy out of my way. Unfortunately for him he takes exception to this and tries his luck with me. Mistake...I elbow him in the face and break some ribs with my foot as he goes down. I flip another guy over my shoulder and pause panting to scan the crowd. Where's Sam? I can't see her! If that Reebin has her...if he's...he can't have her! I won't let him! I won't! Another guy steps in front of me and I relish the chance to work off some of this anger. I punch him right in the face and at first I'm pleased with the instant K.O until he falls onto me and for the umpteenth time I go down. No!...get the hell off me! I have to go kill Reebin! If he so much as lays a finger on her I'll...Who the hell does he think he is? I told him to pick Alith, I told him! You can't have her Reebin, I want her! She's mine! She's mine! I pummel desperately at the idiot on top of me but it's hard to do when face down on the floor.

What the? I feel a hand grab my pants waistband and tug me backwards. You want some of this? Well fine, get me the hell out of here and I'd be happy to kill you! You and all the rest! Another hand grabs my jacket and after a moment of straining I slip backwards and across the floor. Pushing my new attacker away I get to my feet and pull my arm back for a strike...

"Colonel! Colonel it's me! Sam!"

My vision is swimming and blurred with a murderous rage, but her voice finds me and her blue eyes and blonde hair swim into focus. It's Sam! Sam! My Sam! She reaches for me with a concerned look and I simply take a step towards her and enfold her in a fierce possessive hug, her arms coming tightly around me and her head pressing against my chest. She's mine...she's mine and no-one else can have her, no-one! I grudgingly pull back and we read each others minds and step over people and make our way quickly towards the back of the hall, her hand clasped in mine. I'm certainly not gonna let her go, not ever! Once there Sam takes a moment to make sure her friends are okay and I pull her around in front of me to check her split eyebrow. She must have got this in the fight. She starts babbling about how she couldn't find me, about how she was looking for me and Reebin helped her. Stuff Reebin...I pull her tightly into my arms and lean with her back against the wall, crushing her against my chest. I can feel every one of her fingers digging into me through my jacket, but God I certainly don't mind.

I tilt her head up to check her wound and she flinches as I run a thumb over it. God she's so close, she's pressed up against me and I feel my blood roar and my body respond to her smell, her touch, the very sight of her. Her breathing comes in short harsh gasps and her sparkling eyes are wide and staring deep into mine. Oh God I want her so much...My addled brain tries to remind me that this isn't me, that it's just the drugs, but my body has ideas all of its own. I cup the back of her head with one hand, fingers tangling in her hair, and draw her towards me. Her eyes haven't left mine and I press my hips against hers pushing her against the wall as we melt into the close embrace. The sounds of the people around us fade away and all I see is her eyes, all I hear is my own blood rushing through me, and all I want is her. All I want is her. One of her hands curls tentatively around the nape of my neck and her face slowly blurs out of focus as I lower my head to hers. And then, just as my lips make their first, brief contact on hers, and I feel the soft, teasing warmth of her breath, everything fades to black.




***************************************




"Now tomorrow's here
And all is just the same
But still I'm cold with fear
Tomorrow comes again"

- Grand Noise




***************************************




I furtively check over my shoulder and scramble up the ladder to the highest and furthest away bookcase. I try and pretend that I'm looking at the pages of a big dusty old tome, but secretly I'm scanning the shelves for anything interesting. It's funny, but I get the strangest feeling that I'm a little late, and that worries me a lot I don't mind telling you. There was an awful commotion yesterday, and we were given a day off. They took us down the hall to new cells, and we spent the day in there listening to the far off cries and shouts. I can't help but assume Jack and Sam were involved in some way. I mean, if there's any trouble they have to be in on it, don't they? Oh I bet they are. And that's not all that happened yesterday.

Yesterday I saw what must be some of the leaders or rulers or whatever of this planet. Our temporary cell had large barred windows, and I was pressed up against it trying to see the cause of all the shouting when a squad of guards trooped down the large corridor, resplendent in their gold and chrome finery. Behind them came a small huddle of men. They were all dressed in smart dark clothes of a straight clean cut that reminded me of suits. They all had neatly cut hair and clean faces, and all of them seemed to be in late middle age. They strode along the corridor with their noses held high, and I saw that the library door was open and Jarnas stood bowing and scraping before it. The guards marched in past him and the other men didn't even glance at him as they followed. Weird.

By the time all the excitement had settled down we were allowed back in to work. Jarnas was glowing all over his horrible fat face and we got to sit around casually for a while. Most of the large piles of translated work had gone, and it looks like Jarnas had been performing his job, whatever that is, well enough for the bosses. I can't believe those guys are the only people I've seen since I've been here, and I wish I could have a chance to talk to them, maybe reason with them. Mind you, I guess the general population of a city do not live next door to a prison of off-world strangers, nor visit regularly, but still it seems a little odd.

I'm just about to shuffle back down the ladder again when I spot it. The book is very old, and the red leather spine is dusty and whatever passes for gold leaf around these parts has mostly flaked off by now. I replace my decoy and gently ease the new book from its place from between two stacks of scrolls. I sit on the steps and push my glasses back on my nose and place the book on my knees. I swipe at the dusty cover, and the dark letters finally become readable. Two words.

'Our ascendance'

I open the book and flick through the pages. This is it. This is the book I've been waiting for! I should take this down to my desk now, but I can't help but flip forward to that unfinished sentence that's been plaguing me.

'The parasites require the highest quality of hosts to...' Okay, turn the page...

'survive. In order to preserve our former captors, we need to seek out suitable hosts. Most valued are those named the 'Tau'ri' They are the most valued breeders'

Oh. Preserve out former captors? Then...then that means they have goa'uld?...here? How? By the sounds of it they must have them detained in some fashion, but since I get the impression that the goa'uld held sway over this world a long time ago, how are they keeping them alive? These Jaffa aren't real, and we've seen no evidence of any hosts at all. I grab the book against my chest and make my way quickly down the ladder and to my desk. I settle myself in with a glance over at Jarnas, and start to read. I'm halfway into a paragraph of how to induce mating, when I realise something. Sam and Jack are Tau'ri, and Sam and Jack have been sorted for breeding.

Oh my.

I hope somehow they manage to stay together. Okay, next bit.

'To induce mating the hormone dosage in the food will be increased, and the female taken for examination frequently. We are not barbarians, the stock will be well treated. If mating fails to occur after a given time, the unmated couples will be separated and the choosing will occur again'

Oh.

We really, really have to get out of here.




***************************************




Don't tell me...I've been unconscious haven't I?

I try and lift my head from the hard cold floor but my neck and brain let me know pretty quickly that that is probably a bad idea. Ow...that really hurts...and I thought I was being let off lightly when it came to being out cold. Well, apparently not. Ah some sexual equality...just what I don't need right now. They must have knocked us out somehow, gas or something. I focus all my attention on my sense of hearing instead, but I can't hear any great bustle, in fact, I have to concentrate for a while before I can make out another's breathing beyond my own. I try and send a questing hand out to find that other individual but I quickly realise that my arm is trapped. I cautiously open one eye and see the reason for my immobility, and my frightening shortness of breath. The Colonel is lying square across me.

I open my other eye and I see his blurred nose close to me, his eyes tightly shut and his brow creased into a frown. His torso pins me to the ground and his left arm lies across my right shoulder, fingertips curled on the stone floor and brushing my ear as I try and get a better range of vision by twisting my head to one side. One of his legs is flung haphazardly over me, and he looks as uncomfortable as I feel. We must have been thrown in here...wherever here is. I lift my head as far as I can and all I can make out is a white cell with curved corners and a bright roof that I can't look at for long. There's a set of bars splitting the room and we lie on one side of them. It looks for all the world as if we're sitting at the bottom of a giant sink. I glance at the Colonel again and he's still out cold. I try and shift under him but he weighs far too much, and I have to push down the rising panic I feel at the surprisingly little amount of oxygen I am able to suck in past his bulk. Now I'm awake I'm obviously requiring more air, whereas when unconscious I would have managed fine on less. I try and call his name but my throat is dry so I lick my lips.

Oh...

What is that? I lick my lips again and I taste a subtle unfamiliar tang. No...not unfamiliar...I glance at the Colonel again and my eyes settle on his soft, smooth lips.

Oh my...

I knew I remembered that taste...so that's what kissing the Colonel tastes like. Well...the less I think about that the better, right now breathing is much more important. The Colonel stirs a little then and I try and push at him with as much free arm as I can, and call his name again.

"Colonel...Colonel can you please get off..."

He mumbles something incoherent and rocks slightly to one side. I manage to get my arm under his chest and push at him, sucking in a lungful of air as his weight shifts temporarily. He mumbles again and I push harder at him, hissing his name as close to his ear as I can get.

"Colonel! Sir!" His eyes open sleepily, and two seconds later he's across the room and standing clutching the bars, a move that would do credit to a sleeping cat that's just had it's tail trod on. He stands there eyeing me, obviously wondering what he was doing lying on top of me but all I can do is lie and wheeze and gulp air. Oh that hurts...I twist myself from side to side and after a minute I'm fairly sure I have no broken or even cracked ribs, they just hurt a lot from however long we've been sleeping like this. I place a hand on the cool floor behind me and attempt to rise, but pain shoots down my chest and I only make it halfway up before the Colonel is by my side and helping me to sit.

"Easy...not so fast...move your legs"

I do as he commands and eventually he has me propped up against the wall with my legs tucked up. He sits beside me holding on to me with one hand on my back and one against the lower edge of my sternum as I slow my breathing. I turn to look at him then, and he's regarding me very strangely, and I think I know what he's thinking, for I'm thinking exactly the same thing. He kissed me, I kissed him. All right so the kiss lasted for barely seconds but that's hardly the point is it? He disguises his confusion by looking me up and down to check I'm okay, but his hands remain where the are.

"You okay?"

I work my shoulders, and the ache in them makes me grimace.

"Fine sir...just a little sore..."

"Yeah well...ya gotta jab me in the side Carter, that's the only way to get me off. Remember that for next time" He smiles at me confidentially and winks, and I try desperately not to blush at this revelation of one of the Colonel's bedroom habits...I really didn't need to think of him that way right now. I look him up and down then, and I see his nose is all bloody and his knuckles torn. Thankfully it's all the damage he seems to have sustained, and I reach out a hand to touch his nose and he flinches slightly, but he let's me carry out a full examination.

"It's not broken sir"

"Ah...good...wouldn't want you to dump me for someone else after all we went through yesterday"

He smiles gently at me, and I recognise his attempt to bring up yesterday's events and make sure everything is okay. This thought only lasts a millisecond though as all of a sudden his dark staring eyes and hands still pressing close and warm sends a shiver up my spine. I'm sure he must feel that shiver, but he seems not to notice and simply stares at me. His eyes grow darker still and his breathing starts to become harsh and strained as we simply sit there. His hands tighten a little around me, and my hand curls around his forearm. Oh God...oh God why am I feeling like this? Why did I kiss him yesterday? Oh stupid stupid Sam, what makes you think they'd drug the men and not you? The moment seems to build and build, and before it can go any further the Colonel leaps to his feet once more and strides quickly to the other side of the room.

"Uh....Umm...Carter..."

His voice is strangely strangled and although he can't form the words, I can recognise an apology, albeit an awkward one, when I hear it. I push myself to my feet and move to the other side of the room, clutching at my tender ribs as I go. As I start to calm down I take a few minutes to look around. The room is roughly square and as I noted before is split by a set of bars that are accessible by a sliding door. On both sides of the partition are a sink and a small alcove into which is set a toilet. A small mattress lies in the other area, and a larger one is folded up against the wall here. There is a food hatch set into the wall here, and a small pile of spare clothes. I complete my examination of the room and turn to find the Colonel doing much the same. He looks over at me and scrubs at his hair with a hand and tries a clumsy smile.

"Looks like we're gonna be here a while huh?"

I nod and we both turn away and I clutch at the wall, trying to override the strange rush I feel coursing through me. Oh God...Oh God this is not going to be easy. How the hell am I supposed to live in here with him?




***************************************




Woah.

Okay...so this is not what I'd expected. I've woken from a knockout so many times since I've been here that I thought I knew what to expect, well this time I was wrong. This time I woke up face down and lying on top of Carter. At least it wasn't just me being knocked out this time, they must somehow have done it to all of us. When I opened my eyes and saw her annoyed face I practically leapt across the room and away from her, and then I remembered yesterday. Oh man...oh man what did I do? I search my memory frantically for a few seconds, trying to explain our positions, but thankfully I don't get further than that...that...kiss. And anyway we're both fully dressed.

Well okay, so the kiss was bad enough, but at least nothing else happened, and considering the state I was in yesterday it's probably a good thing that they did whatever it was they did to knock us all out. I was uncontrollable...I dread to think of what I might have been capable of, what I might have tried to do. Well...I'm pretty sure Carter would have kicked my ass before I'd have had half a chance. I turn around to face her and she's struggling to sit, her face screwed up in pain. I go and help her up, and eventually she's sitting up by the wall and I check her ribs and make some lame joke about sleeping on top of her. She laughs a little and calms down, but hey, that's the truth you know. Practically every woman I've ever slept with has complained about waking up with me sprawled over them. What can I say, I guess I'm a cuddler. Oh you can scoff if you want, but I am. Why be a big tough ol' Colonel by day if ya can't be a big ol' softy between the sheets by night? Okay, so it's probably more to ensure the woman is still there in the morning, or at the very least to steal their heat, but I claim the former. I thought women liked it, but I lived with Sara for five years until she told me her 'jab in the ribs' tactic. Apparently that gets rid of me for a whole night. Future lovers take note.

Ribs checked I lean back a little to look at her, and find she's checking me over. I feel a little surge of something when I think she's actually 'checking me out' but that quickly and thankfully fades when she reaches out to check my sore and doubtless bloody nose. Typical Carter, I lie on her for God knows how long and make her at the very least very uncomfortable, and she's more concerned about me. She squeezes along the length of the bridge of my nose and pronounces it unbroken. Thank God for small mercies eh?

"Ah...good...wouldn't want you to dump me for someone else after all we went through yesterday"

I smile a little as I joke with her, but any humour in the situation quickly fades as I suddenly become very, very aware of my hands on her, and the slight warmth that reaches them through her jacket and T-shirt. My hands tighten against my wishes and one of hers clutches at my sleeve. I meet her eyes and the normally light blue of her iris is dark and shaded, and burning with an intensity I've seen only twice before. Once was way back not long after we met when she jumped me in the locker room, and the other time, the other time was yesterday. Oh. I can feel her breathing quicken under my palms, and my own blood starts to pump violently around my body. The moment stretches and all of a sudden my rocketing blood decides to take a decidedly downwards direction. I do the only thing I can, and leap away. I stand clutching the bars, and behind me I hear Carter get to her feet and move away. I want to go to her and...and make sure she can get around with sore ribs, but something tells me it's much, much safer to stay as far away from her as possible.

"Uh....Umm...Carter..."

What the hell do I say? Sorry I was aroused by merely being close to you Major, let's just pretend it didn't happen hmm? Let's ignore the fact that I'm standing clutching these bars because I'm afraid that if I let go of them I'll jump on you? Oh and I really don't want you to see the rather noticeable uh...change in my profile at about the level of my beltline. Why are these jackets so damn short? So let's just pretend I'm looking around at our lovely quarters. Well at least we have toilets, and a sink. And spare clothes...I glance over my shoulder at Carter and she's glancing around the room looking...well...horrified. I rub at my hair with one hand and open my big dumb mouth.

"Looks like we're gonna be here a while huh?"

She nods at me and turns around, and my damn drug infested brain makes me look at how nicely those fatigue pants cling to her ass.

Oh God...Oh God this is not going to be easy. How the hell am I supposed to live in here with her?




**************************************




"Exactly what do you remember Teal'c?"

I look at the General, and I can tell he is getting exasperated with me. His expression matches that of O'Neill's when Major Carter is trying to explain some technology or experiment to him, but I do not think he would appreciate the comparison.

"There was someone else with us"

The General rubs at his head and Doctor Frasier leans back in her chair. I felt very weak when I returned to the SGC, and Doctor Frasier was not happy when I demanded to speak to the General straight away. The General is not happy that I have no solid memories or evidence, but I must tell them what I know.

"Can you give us any more than that Teal'c? What do you mean someone was there? Did someone attack you? Anything?"

"I am afraid not General. All I remember is that when we returned to the gate someone came with us. We walked into the trees, and we walked back to the gate with someone else. I distinctly remember there were five of us...and...Major Carter was talking to this other person"

"Well why did you go back to the gate? Were you under some form of control"

"I do not believe so General Hammond, I just know that shortly after we returned to the gate something happened...and there were more people as I was falling unconscious"

"More people?"

"I...yes...I believe so...there were...were..."

Doctor Frasier leaves her seat and comes to my side. I do not feel entirely myself. My symbiote is distressed and I feel a strange tide of nausea. The Doctor looks at General Hammond and he nods at her. Airmen move in and they pull me to my suddenly unsteady feet.

"General Hammond...I...I must return to the planet...I must...I"

I sag suddenly in the arms of the airmen, and Doctor Frasier helps to steer me from the room. I must remember...

If I could only remember...




***************************************




Ooo dinner time.

The food hatch opens and a steaming hot tray is delivered. On it are two heaped plates of what looks like damn good food, with rough beakers of water and something that looks like rolls. The hatch shuts again and the tray stands beckoning on its little shelf, the subject of both of our attentions. Carter gets up from her seat in the corner and wanders over, and I detach myself from the bars and follow, though staying at what I consider to be a safe distance. It hasn't been the nicest day. We've been here so far for about ten hours, and I can only assume that they must be too busy relocating people and sorting out all these cells to get us any breakfast or lunch. And I'm starving. My body has been steadily driving me nuts, and judging by the fact that Carter has spent most of this time in the opposite corner and looking away from me, I guess she's very well aware of my overall mood. We haven't said a word for almost three hours now, and it's time I made an effort.

"Wow...nice spread"

She turns to look at me and I cringe. Not the best thing to say when I'm standing leaning back, hands in pockets directly behind her and she's leaning over the food tray. She meets my eyes for a second and my face jumps uncontrollably until I gain some control and indicate the food with a sharp tilt of my head. She looks back at it and sighs. Woah, looks like I got away with that one, mind you, it IS a nice spread. Uh...the food that is. She grabs one of the cups and smells the water, then takes it and the roll and sits on the narrow white bench that hugs the wall. I walk over to the tray and plunk my roll down in the centre of the gravy and gulp the water. I don't even wait to sit and instead I use the crispy roll to scoop some nondescript meat and veg into my mouth. Not bad, not bad at all.

"Uh sir? The food is probably still drugged" She's looking at me warily, and I stop and turn to her, wiping some gravy from my chin.

"Yeah well you want we should starve here? Whaddya want us to do Carter? As soon as we have a way out of here fair enough, but until then we have to keep our strength up"

She nods and bites gingerly into her roll.

And that is the sum total of our conversation for the next few hours. Carter leaves the rest of her food untouched, and I refrain for as long as possible, but eventually she waves her hand at the plate and I eat hers as well. I have one hell of an appetite you know. Could really use a beer to wash it down though. I sit in silence for another half hour, and I'm just about to go over and talk to her when the door opens and a 'Jaffa' swaggers in. The partition gate between the two sides of the cell open and the guard indicates that Carter should go through. She goes almost willingly, with a little sigh, and the gate closes between us, and the guard leaves. She seemed almost relieved to get away from me, or at least put some sort of barrier between us. She pulls her small mattress up against the wall and settles down on it and has a look around. I unfold my mattress and move it up against the same wall by the bars and try and make myself comfy.

"So...where do you think we are in relation to places we know?"

"Uh...since we were brought here unconscious I have no idea sir. I can't hear the boilers or the kitchen or the log rooms, so we must be somewhere new"

"Okay...so what's that humming noise?"

She stops and tilts her head. A faint high-pitched humming emanates from outside somewhere, and Carter listens avidly to it.

"I think it might be that cold store room I was in the other day sir, the one I told you about"

Oh yeah, I think I remember that. That was the subject of our last serious discussion before all that choosing business. It's weird, this feels like an anticlimax. Well, my mind fells that, my body on the other hand thinks that a climax will be on the way...uh...okay...bad choice of words.

"Uh...so what did you see there, a body?"

"Sort of, I didn't get a good enough look sir. I saw what I think was a body, but something about it wasn't quite human"

"Wasn't quite human? Care to elaborate Carter?"

She scrunches her hand in the thin mattress and grimaces, her nose wrinkling in a fetching fashion as she does so.

"I'm not sure sir...I just...I don't know"

"Carter, I'm really gonna need a little more than that. You're not giving me much to go on here"

She nods at me and settles down onto her mattress. I hate it when I snap at her. Normally we would get into a little argument, one that I think we both enjoy, but not today. She curls up on her side facing away from me and I lean into the bars and watch her as she pulls her legs up and assumes the foetal position. I can't help it, I want her. I want her just as I wanted her last night. I feel I've been handling it well though. She's been staying away from me all day, and although the thinking part of my brain tells me her scientist mind is trying not to get me...uh...upset...it still hurts to see her flinch away from me. I want her. Damn but whatever it is they're giving me is strong. Not that Carter isn't already attractive, I mean she's a damn good looking woman, and she has one hell of a body, but it's been a good twenty years since I've felt anything near to this.

Sleep. Sleep is what I need. I take my jacket off and pull it down on top of me as a blanket and try and sleep.

Tomorrow we start planning a way out of here.




***************************************




"Will he be okay?"

The soft ping of the monitors comfort me as I stand concerned over the bed of yet another of my men. Doctor Frasier moves towards me with Teal'c's chart and furrows her brows. I do not like that expression from my CMO. She leans over and checks the readings from Teal'c's symbiote, then finally turns to face me, collecting and updating the chart from the end of the bed.

"I think so now General"

"What happened?"

"Overdid it I think. His symbiote has been through a lot more than he was willing to admit. I thought for a moment we would have to try and find a replacement but it's pulled through. It's not the miracle cure we so often like to think it is"

"Do you have any idea what happened to his symbiote while it was removed?"

"As far as I can tell tests were performed on it. Now SG6 went through and found Teal'c two hours after SG1 didn't return on time, which means they were gone for almost ten hours. Whether the symbiote was removed for that period of time I don't know, but they tried several chemicals on it, some of which I have finally been able to classify, and the strange thing is, most of them seem to be good for the symbiote"

"Good? In what way?"

"Well a few of them contain nutrients, and others included sedatives and I also detected what appear to be complex proteins"

"So what were they trying to do?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd say they were trying to make Teal'c's symbiote survive long term outside of him, and they failed"

Not good. Someone somewhere is trying to keep pet Goa'uld? This I don't like.

"Keep working on it Doctor, and let me know when Teal'c comes around. He obviously has some important information, and if we are ever to find the rest of SG1 we will need it"

"Yes sir"

And with that I leave. There are three SG teams to send out today, and another two are due back. Life goes on. I may not like that fact, and though SG1 were the lynchpin of this operation, we will go on without them, and I can no longer afford to send teams out there with nothing to go on.

The commanding officers lot is rarely a happy one.




***************************************




With the General gone I can finally take a break, and I flop down into a hard plastic chair by the side of Teal'c's bed. Thankfully he is the only patient I have right now, so with him comfortable I can finally take a break after discharging SG4. Teal'c moves slightly and I reach out to let him know I'm there. Unfortunately my presence does little to calm him, and I know that I'm not who he's looking for in his dreams. Well I wish they were back too Teal'c.

They missed Cassie's birthday. Colonel O'Neill and Sam were so looking forward to shopping for her present, and now they could be...anywhere. Oh I'm used to this in my position as a Doctor. Sure I'm USAF but as a medical Doctor I'm often slightly out of the loop, and I was on downtime when I was called in to see to Teal'c. Things were so manic that it took me almost four hours of treating Teal'c before I realised I had no other patients and no concerned team-mates hanging on my shoulder. They didn't come back, they're lost. Most of us weren't too worried at first, I mean they've been lost before, singly or together, but they've always come back. Okay so SG1 were lucky, but someday I guess that luck has to run out. I just wish it didn't have to run out on my friends. The door open with a creak then and I turn to find a cautious smiling face.

"You can come in Captain, he's resting easily"

Captain Hayes walks across the room to Teal'c's side and places one of her small hands on his. She smiles up at me and I smile back. She may look like quite a small thing but she's a little firecracker. I remember seeing her taking down six Jaffa all by herself in the gateroom one day. I smile and shake my head as I remember that day, and as I remember O'Neill's expression when he looked at her across the smoke and corpses. It looked for all the world as if he'd just seen her for the first time. He always did admire fighting spirit about a woman. SG6 and SG1 then began to socialise quite a lot after having been through that day together, and that's why she's here looking in on Teal'c. The rest of her team have already been in today, but she obviously felt like an extra visit. Of course, she's not just here because she's friends with Teal'c, she's here because she wants him to get better and help her get the Colonel back.

I remember being in a bar with them, and watching the two of them unashamedly staring at each other across the table. Daniel and I spent the whole night nudging each other and giggling like a couple of kids. Sam was too engrossed in her conversation with Major Dirk Bergmann to even notice. Daniel and I did our fair share of nudging about that friendship as well, but nothing ever came of it. Bergmann was very keen on Sam, and after a few weeks of chatting to each other in our friendly SGC outings, nothing more developed. I asked her about it, and she told me that there was just nothing there. Fair enough, but in the case of O'Neill and Hayes I really thought it was going to go somewhere. Oh they got closer, and they went out on quite a few dates, but...

It's funny how wrong a person can be.

I turn and watch Hayes and she's sitting smiling at Teal'c. I bite my lip and look away, remembering the heart to heart that the Colonel and I had had at the end of one of our evenings out. It surprised me, him talking so frankly to me, but he told me for some reason he didn't want to talk about it to the others, and I think I know the reason why. Still, It's not for me to say, and it's certainly not for me to tell Hayes what he told me. He'll have to do that himself when they get back.

When they get back.




**************************************




Ow...

I am finally awake.

I think they must have changed whatever it is they pump in here, and I was afraid I would never come back. Sometimes I wonder whether they are indeed trying to keep me alive or simply kill me. It it's my death that they want then I'm sure there are many simpler ways of achieving it. But perhaps a long slow torture is what they desire. Then you have succeeded...but I would rather have the quick death.

I find that over the long years my patience seems to have expanded while my will to live has shrivelled. Funny how the two appear to be mutually exclusive.

Oh well, mustn't grumble

Maybe one day something will happen, maybe one day I'll be free...yeah right...and maybe one day I'll turn into a Tok'ra.

Hmm...I'm delirious...there must be something in this liquid...




***************************************




God...where's Sam when I need her?

For some reason the Goa'uld or these people have included detailed schematics in this book 'Our ascension' including rather detailed layouts of the breeding cell areas. I'm no expert when it comes to these sorts of things, but it looks like these cells are set in what must have a fairly high tech area. In fact, there seems to be some sort of edge around these areas. Strange...but I really can't make head nor tail of it. I really need Sam for this. I turn the next page and it flops open. The page is strangely thick and I pull at it and realise it opens out. I gently unfold it and it quickly becomes too big for the table. Oh...this might be useful. The edges of the diagram trail over almost onto the floor, and I have to hold on tight in case the weight pulls the book off the desk. It's a map. It's a map of this entire...uh...complex for want of a better word. The only reason I can tell this is that in one area is the breeding cells that I saw on the smaller map. I quickly scan the rest of it, but much of it is covered in hastily scrawled diagrams and symbols, not to mention scratchy writing. Still, a map of this place certainly won't go wrong, maybe Sam can help me out with some of these things that look like equations or something.

It's late now, and the desk lights click off and the Jaffa start to swarm in, the metallic sounds of their boots rasping off the naked stone floors. My co-workers get out of their seats and stretch. Time to go back to our cells and sleep. I get out of my seat and toy with the idea of ripping the map out and hiding it. Before I have the chance one of the Jaffa take me by the upper arm and gently pushes me out. It'll be okay, I'll get it tomorrow. I let myself be moved out and along the corridor towards our cells. They moved us the other day, and now we live four to a cell. The door shuts behind me and my cell mates are already tucking into dinner. The food is a bland featureless grey stew but it's better than nothing. I take my food and sink slowly towards the floor.

Weird...this room looks like a giant sink...




***************************************




I wake and stretch and instantly have to shade my eyes against the lights. They turned them down a bit when it officially became 'night-time' or whatever, but they still emanate from directly overhead. Not the best thing to wake up to. I turn on the thin lumpy mattress and face the bars. My grimace softens when I see Carter curled up on the other side facing me, her hands tucked up under her chin in an adorable childlike fashion. I shrug my jacket off of me and sit upright, scratching at my itchy chest under my black T-shirt. I pause to lift the material to my nose and grimace again. My clothes don't smell so good after over a month of continuous use. Remembering the thoughtfulness of our captors I pull the small pile of clothes from the shelf and shake them out. A set of grey pants and a grey thick woolly jersey thing. These must be mine. I shake out the others and have to gulp at what I see. Four relatively small items fall into my lap and I glance at Carter to make sure she's not watching. I pick up the first one and it's a tank top thing made out of thin grey material with two thin straps. The second item is a fairly sensible straight and thin long sleeved round-necked blouse, and it must go on top. The next item is a long skirt made of an extremely fine and almost silky material, and I can't help but wonder what Carter would look like in this. I fold the clothes back up and place them back from whence they came. I'm just about to settle down when I spot the last item still sitting on my lap. I hold it out in front of me and see that it's a small pair of white cottony briefs. Such a simple common thing, but for some reason that's enough to set me off. I feel a sudden flush rush through me, and thoughts of Carter wearing these and not much else come unbidden to my mind. Oh baby...

"Sir?" Asks a sleepy voice and I toss the offending item over my shoulder and slide up to the bars. A million unlikely excuses fight for priority in my mind, but Carter's eyes aren't even open. She squirms a little on the floor and I automatically extend a hand through the bars to gently hold her down by the shoulder.

"Shh..."

She shifts more under my grip and all my libidinous thoughts fade away as I gaze at her relaxed sleeping face. She looks like an angel. She moves more in her sleep and her hand comes into contact with mine. Her fingers curl automatically around mine and I can't help but smile at the fact that she settles down instantly. It reminds me of Charlie. Whenever he wasn't sleeping well I only had to touch him, take his hand or stroke his hair and he would instantly settle. Sara used to laugh and tell me it's the only reason she kept me around.

I miss that...I miss being needed. I don't know, maybe it's a man thing, but it always made me feel strong. Not physically of course, but inside somehow. I always used to think that that is what it really felt like to be a real man. To feel good and proud of being there for and looking after your family. Well I have a new family now, Daniel, Teal'c and Carter here. I realise then that her fingers are cool to the touch, and I detach myself and grab my jacket and feed it through the bars. That done I manage to spread it over her and she snuggles into it, pulling it up and around her, seemingly not minding the smell. I pull my new jersey over my head for my own warmth and settle back down on my mattress.

I spend a few minutes tossing and turning but eventually I give in and sit up once more. Carter is still now, and a faint smile tugs at her softly lit features. I just sit and watch her for a moment, leaning my forehead against the cool bars, and out of nowhere I get one of those annoying and seemingly obvious flashes of universal truths. Shaking my head and grinning ruefully I pull myself up and reach through the bars. Careful to keep my touch feather light I gently ease a lock of honey blonde hair away from her eyes and tuck it behind her ear. My hand hovers over her face for a second as she moves, but she only pulls my jacket closer under her chin. I should withdraw my hand but instead I sweep my long fingers slowly through her now longer than normal hair. The soft locks slide through my digits and even in sleep her head pushes into the cup of my palm demanding caresses, caresses I would love to bestow. Sighing I pull my hand away and settle down for sleep.

Universal truth for today: I guess that simple touch was always more for my benefit than Charlie's. It made *me* feel better.

It's funny how you can kid yourself about things like that for years.

About all kinds of things...




***************************************




A cramp in my leg wakes me and I stretch the offending limb and turn over. Something slides from on top of me and I push a little upright and move it into the light. I stare at it for a few minutes till my brain registers that it's the Colonel's jacket. I look over at him and he's lying stretched out on his back dressed in a warm looking woolly jersey, the cuffs of which come down to his knuckles. He turns in his sleep and lays one long-sleeved arm over his chest. I have to quickly dismiss any thoughts of him being adorable. He is not.

I lie back down and pull the extra warmth of the Colonel's jacket up to my chin. It is cold in here, and it's so sweet of him doing this. Mind you for all I know he could have been up drooling at me half the night. Oh I know it's the drugs and all, but it really is quite disconcerting. I've just never seen the Colonel look at me like that, the way he looked at me when we...kissed. I remember the way he crushed me to his chest and I shiver involuntarily. He's not the only one affected, I stayed the hell away from him today in case I said or did something stupid. I have a bit of a habit of letting my mouth run away with me sometimes, and I didn't want to ruin our currently shaky friendship. Something lumpy jabs my ribs then and I shift, but the pain stays. I sit up and push the Colonel's jacket off, and I can feel something lumpy in the pockets. I glance over at him then find his inside pocket with questing fingers. There are a few objects inside and I gently pull them out. The first is a clear pen, with no ink, followed by an empty carton of juice. Thanks for sharing Colonel. The last item I take out is a set of nude playing cards and I sigh. Typical, just the kind of thing I'd expect from you sir. Funny I've never seen them, when we play off world we always play with a standard deck that one of us brings. In fact, the Colonel always carries a normal deck in his backpack, always. I open the flap of the packet and ease out the cards. Sure enough, it's a nude deck, and as I flick through them trying not to look too much, I see that almost every one of them is signed.

'Major Matt Harvey'

'Sergeant Harry O'Connell'

'Colonel Gary Nelson'

The deck is old and worn and the names unfamiliar until...

'Captain Charlie Kawalsky'

I finger the tattered card with Kawalsky's scrawl across the ample chest of a voluptuous brunette. This was back when Kawalsky was a Captain, and as I move on I recognise a few other names from the Colonel's stories, most of them dead. This is obviously some sort of record of all the people, all the friends he ever served with, and now most of them are dead. He always liked to tell us those stories, but he never seemed to have any photos or momentos, and I guiltily admit I always thought he was a little cold for that, unfeeling. Huh, shows what I know about the Colonel. I shift through the rest of the pack and most of the cards at the rear are unmarked, and then I come across some other things at the back that aren't cards. I slide a photo out from it's folded paper covering and hold it up in the dim light. I smile softly as a young boy looks back at me, then replace the photo. The next picture along shows the Colonel and his wife and Charlie years ago, hugging their young son between them. I can't believe I thought for a second that the Colonel was unfeeling. A little cold when I first met him yes, but since then he's changed so much.

The next few items are tickets for concerts and films, little souvenirs that for whatever reason the Colonel wanted to keep, and then another set of photos that have been cut to fit the card packet. I smile as I withdraw the first one, it's us, SG1 on the beach. Well, PLI256 to be precise. For once we got to go to a paradise planet, and for once there were no hidden nasties. We only to stay here for two hours but as soon as we had set up a perimeter the Colonel 'ordered' us to lie on the beach and sunbathe, which we did. The picture is taken by the Colonel's state of the art camera on timer and it shows Teal'c sitting in the centre of the picture on the sand in Kel'no'reem, and the Colonel is behind him, hands on his shoulders grinning wide mouthed into the camera dressed in shorts and T-shirt. Daniel lies covered in sand and I hold a bucket over his head. I can't stop grinning at the fact that the Colonel has this picture in here. We do mean something to him. I put the picture back and I see there's only two more left. The first is of the four of us and Janet and Cassie at Cassie's last birthday, and I realise that we must now have missed her latest. I wish we could have been there. The Colonel has Cassie on his shoulders and his fingers sticking up from behind Daniel's head. Daniel is smiling seriously at the camera, and both Teal'c and I are aware of the Colonel's actions and are laughing. Smiling I put it away and I'm left with a shiny new mini Polaroid covered in a flap of protective paper. The hastily written caption at the bottom says 'Finally caught her in the act!' and for some reason I feel reluctant to open it. I sigh and pull the paper back expecting to see Captain Hayes smiling out at me, and I just stare at it for a few seconds in shock.

It's me. It's a photo of me.

In the photo I'm leaning forward and sticking my tongue out, eyes shut. Not the most attractive of poses, and the photo itself is all blurred and squint. I remember this. Two weeks ago the Colonel kept popping into my lab and annoying me. He had finished all his work and was bored, and for some reason decided to take that out on me. He kept deliberately trying to wind me up, touching things he shouldn't, and when he turned to leave the last time after complaining that I wasn't solving our latest problem quick enough I stuck my tongue out at his retreating back. I opened my eyes when a flash of light arced across them and saw him standing there grinning holding his new Polaroid camera. He pulled the little photo out, waved it a bit then looked at it and laughed. Then he told me that he'd had the suspicion that I'd been doing this to him for years and that finally he'd caught me! I've never done that to him before! And so I chased him. Well he flaunted in front of my nose so I had to chase him! After a few rounds of the SGC he put it in his pocket and I begged him to give it to me. He refused and said he'd keep it in a safe place so no-one else could ever get to see it, and here it is. To be honest I thought he'd either stick it up on the noticeboard as soon as I walked away or that he'd simply put it in the bin, but no. Here it is in his little box of...of what, memories? In a way it is. Here he's collected little bits of everyone who's ever meant something to him in his life, everyone he's ever cared about. He cares about me? I mean, I know he does, I'm his team-mate and he's stood up for me and tried to protect me so many times but I guess it's nice to see the proof. I flip the photo over and on the back is scrawled simply 'Sam'. Not Carter, not Major, simply Sam. Does he think of me as Sam in his head? I hope so. I must admit that from time to time I refer to him as Jack in my mind. It's kind of hard not to when Daniel is always asking me 'where Jack is' and 'Have you spoken to Jack' and all the rest of it. When I open my mouth it's always 'Sir' or 'Colonel', but inside it's really Jack.

A sound erupts from next to me and I hug the cards to my chest in fear, but a glance over my shoulder tells me it's only the Colonel snoring. He's now lying happily spread out on his back with both arms now flung up over his head, fingertips showing from inside the way oversized sleeves. His booted feet point in different directions and the soft jersey and the T-shirt within is pulled up on one side to reveal a few ribs. Smiling I tuck the cards safely back in the inside pocket and stealthily make my way to the bars. I lean against them and extend my arm through. I try not to look at the Colonel's rather delectable abdominal muscles and the gentle highlights of his ribs and instead reach as far as I can and snag the trailing edges of jersey and T-shirt material between my fingers and gently start to pull them down across him. I wouldn't want him to get a chill in the night. I move slowly and carefully so as not to wake him, and careful though I am my fingertips come into contact with his warm soft skin. I quickly finish the job, and as my fingers come into brief contact with him again he stretches out a little further and lets loose a long content sigh. Sitting back I watch as he moves again, one hand coming to rest palm up on his forehead, the brows beneath pulling together briefly before his face muscles give way to a slight curving smile, and the snoring stops. He looks so happy. I don't believe I've ever seen him so relaxed. In spite of myself my eyes wander the length of his long, lean body and I have to tear myself away and back to my mattress.

I have to sleep. God whatever they are giving me is strong I realise as I have to squirm and thrash for a few minutes before I settle. Stay calm...just try and sleep. I close my eyes and remind myself that I'm quite happy being a career driven single woman when I pull the Colonel's jacket up to my chin and his very male scent fills my nostrils. Oh God...

It's funny how you can kid yourself about things like that for years.

About all kinds of things...




***************************************




'Then I wake up in your room
Share one piece of your life
When tomorrow comes
We may not be here at all'

Whispers and Moans - Neil Finn




***************************************




I can't work this thing out.

I'm usually pretty good with maps and layouts and structure plans. I mean I have to be, I am an archaeologist. But I'm not good with schematics and blueprints, and this is what this map appears to be. I glance furtively over my shoulder and I suddenly realise that I really should stop doing that. I never was much good at sneaking and spying and al that stuff. Jack says I look suspicious at the best of times. Just cause he's had years of training in how not to look conspicuous. Hmm...its not much of a map at all. All the important layout stuff if covered with what looks like layers of other information. I don't know what all the different colours and symbols mean but its probably power lines or something, I mean this place has electric lights so it must be powered somehow. I really need Sam to look at this.

There's blue lines that lead in one direction, and red lines that go in other directions. At some points they meet up and in one room in particular there are lots of coloured lines. I bet that's a room Sam would like to see.

I set down the map with a sigh and reach instead for the book it came from. I ready my stylus warily as earlier on I got a slap for reading and not copying. Okay, time to garner some more knowledge. I flip forward to the part of the book I know and start the next chapter. I wish these records weren't so formal, it's almost as if most of this was written under duress. I flip aimlessly for a while past all the breeding parts, trying not to think what Sam and Jack are up to right now, and as I go I open the next two pages and I find a small yellowed pamphlet. Looks like this book is definitely the one to find, I don't know what I'd of done if this had gone into the furnace. I cradle the large book in my lap and hold the small pamphlet open inside so no-one else can see and start to read.

'This planet was quiet and peaceful until the bastard goa'uld arrived to enslave and kill us. Those who were not subservient enough to be slave and those who weren't brave enough to get themselves killed were given a living hell in their thrall. They became hosts. They were no longer one of us'

The text is written hurriedly with weak ink and a scratchy slanted hand. It looks as though it was comprised from notes that the people must have kept when they were being invaded.

'They came here to use us as a commodity. They used our world and decimated it until there was only one city left, this city of Lahore. We thought there were Gods, we thought they were the Gods who brought us to our world, our beautiful world, and we welcomed them with open arms back into our lives and instead they took our lives and our world away from us as the Gods once gave them. They are not Gods. They are creatures, they are evil, and they will not beat us. We will never give in'

I can't imagine what it must have been like or these people. Well, if Abydos and what Kasuf have told me is true then I have a fair idea, but according to this these people were simple farmers and they would have had no defence against the goa'uld. I wonder if Lahore was the name of their world or their planet?

'And so they used us as was their wont, but we did not sit idly by, we watched, we learned and we planned for many years, until we were ready'

My God, according to this these people over many, many years insinuated themselves into the goa'uld, into every facet of their society and made themselves indispensable. Here it details how their people were into everything, and how over the years they made themselves learn about the goa'uld, the technology, the way of life everything.

'And then we began to destroy them from the inside out'

And they did. And oh God they did.

Over the period of about thirty years in a single minded and systematic fashion these people gave their entire lives, in fact several generations to, as they so eloquently put it, 'ridding themselves of the bastard Goa'uld' And they did it. They succeeded, they won. They drove the Goa'ulds from power and took back their world. And what have they done with it?

What have they done?

The notes from here on in are more sketchy and erratic, and written by many different hands. After they freed themselves they had nothing left. They were left destitute and couldn't survive on their own, they no longer had the resources or the know how to survive by themselves, all farming knowledge gone, a planet scarred and ruined. Their lives had been given in service to freeing their people and I guess they never ever thought beyond that. And when suddenly they found themselves there, in that void, with no idea of how to go back to what they were, I guess they did they only thing left to them, and it looks like there must be some truth in that saying about prisoners sympathising with their captors views.

They filled that void left by the Goa'uld in the only way they knew how.

They became them.




**************************************




Another awkward start to what's probably going to be another awkward day.

The gate opened a few minutes ago and then breakfast was served. Two steaming hot trays were delivered and I went to see what was on offer. This was sure a welcome break to sitting peeling plaster off the walls. My boots are now covered in little white flecks so it looks like I have dandruff for God's sake. So I took my tray from the guard and sat down scrutinising what was on offer. God...looks like bacon! I take a piece of albeit strangely shaped bacon and dangle one end into my mouth. It is...I'd swear it was bacon. I had turned then to see if Sam was 'awake' and she was crawling through the gate towards me. I took my tray and gave her a sweeping bow to let her pass. She wasn't impressed. Half an hour ago we woke both lying next to the barrier on our respective sides, our fingertips touching where they lay between two heavy rusted metal bars. Our knees touched where they lay drawn up and some of her hair was tickling my nose where it escaped through to my side of the cell, her breath tickling my skin. Both our mattresses lay abandoned behind us and though her jacket lay discarded at her feet mine was clutched in her hands against her chest, one limp sleeve curling over her graceful outstretched neck. I had woken slowly and opened my eyes to find hers looking back at me. Still caught in that fuzzy half-conscious state that follows too long a sleep we just stared for a moment, blue blurring into brown. Needless to say the moment lasted only a brief second before we moved apart and hurried to our feet. Moment? What am I talking about? It wasn't a *moment*, not that kinda moment. I shake my head again like I did when I scrambled to my feet and went to take care of my morning ablutions.

So, again we find ourselves sitting apart eating our food and feeling awkward. And again she's picking at hers. Me? Oh I'm stuffing it into my mouth. Yeah so I can practically see the hormones on this thing but damn it tastes like home.

"Nothing like a fried breakfast huh Carter?" I try the first words of the day.

She grimaces and looks up with a smile

"Not a fried breakfast person I'm afraid sir. Toast and coffee for me"

"Really? No bacon and sausages dripping with fat? No tomatoes and mushrooms burnt on one side? No fried bread? No hash browns?"

She looks up again and drops a piece of 'bacon' back onto her plate, settling instead for what could be this planet's equivalent of toast.

"Definitely not."

"Damn Carter" I say thumping my hand on the plate in feigned anger "I try and maintain my girlish figure, I really do...but all that fried food...and burgers...and pizza...I'm weak!"

I let the last word trail off in a squeak and she smiles. Okay, awkwardness over. She wipes her mouth on her sleeve and brings her plate over. I move to stop her but she tips her remains onto my plate and sits down beside me. I'm annoyed that she isn't eating right but glad she thinks I'm safe enough to sit next to. I am...I just have to stay in control. Thankfully that's a lot easier to manage when I've just woken up. Night time, now that's another matter, and it's another matter that we thankfully won't have to deal with for a while.

"Do you think we'll have to stay here all the time sir?"

I try and talk around my mouthful of her bacon.

"I dunno...I mean...will they check that you're...uh...you know"

"They use some sort of scanner thing...and some other things"

I drop the food halfway to my mouth and turn to face her.

"They've examined you already? Why didn't you tell me? What did they do?"

She grimaces as my voice rises and too late I realise that it's probably not the best subject to shout at her over.

"Nothing I can't handle sir"

"Yeah well you shouldn't have to damn well handle it! Carter, if they so much as touch you I'll..."

"It's okay sir, I can handle it"

She looks at me firmly with her jaw set and her eyes bright, and I can only nod and turn back to eating. Yeah I guess she can. I mean, I know she can handle whatever is flung at her, but this, this kinda thing is different. I've known strong women in the past have to deal with this kind of...sexual assault I guess, and it's nothing you can prepare for, nothing at all. Sometimes I thank the powers above that I'm a man, there are certain womanly things that I'm real glad I don't have to put up with. Speaking of which, I know all the female SGC personnel are on the pill, so although her periods should be lighter she'll still be getting them, and we have been here for over a month. I should ask how she is.

Sometimes I hate working with women.




***************************************




I drink some of the surprisingly pleasant water they have here and try and work out where these cells are in relation to the rest of this place. We must be near the cold storage rooms or somewhere close as we can hear them, and if I remember rightly our old cells and the halls are about a fifteen minute walk from there. If only we could find some sort of external wall and get outside from there. I've never seen any windows of any kind, does that mean we could be on a ship? No, we can't be, we'd have heard the engines or something, and the atmosphere in here doesn't appear to be pumped in, there are no air conditioning systems as such, merely small tunnels that allow air to pass through. Plus most of the structures here appear made of stone, and that's not the best material for building ships. These cell areas are different though, they are a completely different style to anything else I've seen here so far. Okay, so first we need to locate Daniel and locate the gate, then we need to escape ourselves and Daniel and get there are gate out. Huh, just a few things we have to do.

"Uh Carter...since we're kinda on the subject...uh...how are you doing generally?"

I turn and face him and he's abandoned his breakfast and is regarding me warily. What does he mean how am I doing? On the subject? What subject?

"Fine sir, why?"

"Well, it's just that, we've been here over a month now, and I guess I just wanted to know if you were, okay...and stuff"

"Sir?"

What on earth is he going on about? This man is confusing at the best of times, but when he's trying to be nice and concerned I feel like my brain hurts trying to work out what he means from what he says. It's like everything he says to me is encrypted, and I have no idea if I'm using the right cyphers or not. Even worse, there may be no encryption, and maybe he really doesn't care at all, maybe he does take me for granted and believe that he has no need to thank me for the miracles I have to perform almost every week at the drop of a hat. But he can't, can he?

"Uh...I mean...uh...you know..." He waggles a hand in my direction and his eyes flick down my body then back to my eyes. Not so much down to my body, but to my stomach. Oh...the subject was talking about being pregnant, and he said more than a month...oh I get it. He's scrubbing at his tousled hair with one hand, and his jaw works silently as he tries to work out what to say next. He must be so embarrassed asking me this, but it's so sweet he did. Typical man, getting all embarrassed when talking about 'woman's things'.

"Uh...it's okay sir, they gave us...uh...stuff"

"Ah" He says in his usual fashion, nodding, as if one of the secrets of the universe had just been revealed to him. He smiles briefly and turns away again. I smile and look down, but he obviously feels that there is more to say on the subject.

"It's just sometimes...sometimes I forget about that kinda thing...uh...y'know...sometimes I forget that you're...well...y'know..."

A woman?

He forgets I'm a woman? Well thanks. Thanks for making me feel just like another dumb unknown soldier sir. I can't believe he said that, I can't believe he thinks it! I mean, yes I've spent many years trying to prove I'm every bit as good as any man, but I'd still like to think that he knows I'm a woman!

"I....ah hell...as long as everything is okay huh?"

"Yes sir"

He goes back to his breakfast and I slump in my seat. So he can't see me as a woman but he sees Hayes as one does he? Fine. I mean I know I'm not a dark haired beauty like she is but I'm pretty sure I look like a women even when I'm all trussed up in my fatigues. Men on other planets have no trouble seeing I'm a woman, so how come Earth men are so stupid! Martouf knows I'm a woman, Nareem knows I'm a woman, and even the Shavadi knew I was a woman! Okay so that didn't turn out so good but it's not the point.

The Colonel doesn't know I'm a woman. Oh he knows but he just doesn't *know*. Not that I care, I don't, I just thought that...I mean...I don't know it's just that a few times, for a second or two, that...

Forget it, let's just get out of here. Face facts Sam, he's not attracted to me, which is all well and good because I don't want him to be.

He's not attracted to me.




***************************************




Oh God I'm attracted to her.

I mean...what I mean is, the hormones are really starting to get on my nerves. If I was in this cell with Reebo I would have torn his head of by now, as it is I'm having enough trouble controlling myself. I keep reminding myself that I'm a Colonel in the United States Air Force, and that my cell mate is Major Samantha Carter, my second in command and my friend. And I am not going to jump her. Huh...that's ironic or something. While we were kept separately I spent a good deal of my time working out what I was gonna do if any of the guards tried to rape or so much as touch Carter, and now the biggest threat of that is from me. I can't help the way I feel, I'm so drugged up to the eyeballs I think I'm pissing pure damn testosterone now. I risk a glance at Sam but she's ignoring me for the moment. God I can't believe the things I just said to her, I'm such an idiot when talking to her sometimes.

*It's just sometimes...sometimes I forget about that kinda thing...uh...y'know...sometimes I forget that you're...well...y'know...*

Yeah, real suave Jack, real good. I couldn't even finish that sentence because it was such a damn blatant lie my mouth refused to say the words. I have never not been aware that she's a woman, and I have never forgotten it. Not that I think about it all the time or anything just that, I mean I don't stand side by side wish her facing Apophis and think....'damn she's a woman' of course I don't. It's funny though, you'd think that all the military gear and the lumpy unflattering fatigues would affect the way she looks, but it doesn't. In fact, I think her fatigues make her look more like a woman, because all the little feminine things she does, the way she stands, the way she runs her fingers through her hair, the way her hands move, all those little things are flung into sharp relief against the dull macho background of military trappings. So oh yes Carter, I'm very well aware that you're a woman, but I'll sure as hell never tell you that. I mean, I know it's just the hormones.

Just the hormones eh? Funny how you've noticed these things months ago huh Jack? Shut up. Just shut up. It's the hormones, and nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that she took my breath away that first day she walked into the briefing room, and she's been doing it on a regular basis ever since. No...no she hasn't. And even if she had it doesn't matter. She's my friend and I love her. As a friend of course, just a friend.

I do not have any inappropriate feelings about her...and I will not act on them.




***************************************




'It's easy when you don't try
Going on first impressions
Man in a cage has made his confession
You've seen me at my worst
And it won't be the last time I'm down there'

It's Only Natural - Neil Finn




***************************************




"Okay, so how the hell do we find Daniel?"

"Well, we know he's at the library, did he tell you where it was when he used to work there before we got split up?"

"Uh...he gave me some directions but you know Danny, he got lost when he fell asleep in that lab that time"

"Well, he had never been in that lab before, and a lot of the corridors do look alike sir"

"Carter, there are directional stripes on the floor for crying out loud, hey, do you think we should paint some just for Danny? Ones for his lab, his quarters, the toilet, stuff like that?"

I smile. I feel though I have to. Usually I want to, and can't help it, but let's just say I'm not quite feeling myself. Ever since he told me he didn't see me as a woman I've just lost my enthusiasm. This isn't fair, how come he can ruin my day with a word? I shouldn't be feeling like this, I feel like I'm in high school or something.

"Okay, so we get out of here, find Daniel, find the gate, and get home. Simple huh?"

I look up at him and he's doing his twisted smile thing.

"No problem sir"

He thinks for a second them moves to sit next to me, and as he sits down his arm comes around my shoulders. He pulls me against his side and I feel my eyebrows leap up as I look at him. He opens his mouth no doubt to reassure me that we're gonna get out of here when the door opens and a guard strides in. We both stand but stay close and the guard looks from me to the Colonel, then indicates we should leave. What's this? It can't be over already can it? We follow his lead and he leads us down one of the corridors we've never seen before, and the Colonel clutches at my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly. What now? We walk meekly in front of the guard and then we meet up with four more guards outside a large double door. We stand there for a moment as the guards chat off to one side, and I gulp down a little fear as the first points to us and laughs. The Colonel yanks me closer and glares up at the guards. I squeeze his hand a little and his other hand comes around my shoulders. The guards finish their little chat and push open the heavy wooden doors and gestures for us to go inside. We step forward and I can feel the tension in the Colonel's arms as we cross the threshold.

"Sam!"

I drop the Colonel's hand and rush forward.

"Alith! Rosay! Reebin!"

I run into the room to greet my friends and the Colonel follows close behind. It's a smaller hall than before and a low wooden bench runs around the pale sink-like walls, and there are about five other couples in here, and most of them sit huddled in separate corners, hanging onto each other for dear life. Or at least one of each couple is holding on. There are a few whimpers but no terror for the most part. Rosay and the others rise from their corner and come to meet us smiling. Rosay looks fine and her 'mate' cringes by her side and watches her with wary eyes. It looks as though she wears the pants in that relationship. Alith comes up followed closely by Reebin and the pair of them are smiling and seem fairly relaxed.

"Why have they let us out? It can't be over can it?"

Reebin shakes his head and comes to my side with a mere glance for the Colonel. Alith follows him closely, shadowing his side.

"I don't believe so. I think they just wanted to let us out for some exercise in small groups, perhaps they let us be together as they knew there would be no trouble."

It's so good to see everyone again, and Reebin comes close and squeezes my hand while the Colonel greets the others and asks if I'm okay.

"I'm fine Reebin, have you been looking after Alith?"

"Yes, we have been fine...has Jack been looking after you?" He asks softly, his dark green eyes staring right into mine as he holds my hand firmly. His meaning is very clear. I'm flattered that he cares but I was never really worried that the Colonel would try anything. Yes so his eyes have strayed a lot lately, but never his hands, he really has been very good. Well, he's very good during the day, but at night he gets ever so restless. Even while we were still in the hall sometimes I would wake to find him with his knees drawn up to his chin and his dark eyes glittering at me from under lowered brows. Reebin takes a half step closer and I open my mouth to speak when I feel an arm come around my back and a warm firm chest pressed lightly against my back.

"I'm looking after her just fine Reebo...how you doing?"

He smiles pleasantly at Reebin but the 'threat' for lack of a better word is there. Reebin stares at the Colonel for a moment, and then drops my hand and moves back. Good, we don't need a repeat of what happened before. I don't like this jealousy between the two of them, but I'll put up with the Colonel's sudden protectiveness if it keeps things civil. Greetings over we all move to sit in the corner and the Colonel steers me over there with his warm hand still on my shoulder. Oh he's not attracted to me but his extra hormones obviously demand that he keep his 'mate' under control.

We sit and chat for a while about how things have been going. Rosay is fine and regales us with stories about her 'mate' Dalkin who sits meekly by her side, and Alith and Reebin announce that they have been telling each other stories from their worlds and talking about their families. Our turn comes and the Colonel presses closer where he sits to my left, leaning slightly against me. We look at each other for a brief second, searching each others faces and willing the other to speak, and finally he spins some tale that we've been spending all our time planning a way out of here. Well we have been, but most of the time we've spent stalking the cage avoiding each other or getting ourselves into uh...situations, and we've only been in that cell for a few days! They look and nod at our explanations but I notice Reebin watching me, yeah he doesn't believe a word of it. How come they all seem so calm and I flinch every time I feel the Colonel's warm skin against mine? They've been chatting and we've been going through hell! The moment passes then, and the Colonel takes charge of the sudden silence.

"Okay people, well I for one sure as hell don't like this situation so how about we make a plan to get out hmm?"

Rosay nods and leans forward eagerly, and Reebin just settles against the wall and watches me. I smile at him pleasantly and he smiles back warmly before glaring at the Colonel. I thought we had got past all this. It's not going to start again is it? What is it about the Colonel and every man I meet? The Colonel turns to look at me and I give him a reassuring smile, and seemingly in reply he leans against me, and his fingers brush my thigh, and settle there, giving me a constant reminder of his presence. Does he think I'm going to run off with Reebin? Is that it?

"And go where?" Says Reebin, and I feel the Colonel stiffen suddenly beside me, and the toe of one of his boots tucks behind the heel of one of mine, and applies a gentle pressure. I turn to face him but he's glaring at Reebin, and hasn't even noticed my movements. Much though I'm enjoying the sudden increase in physical contact, I'm not sure I like the reasons. He leans forward then, and grits his teeth.

"If you'd rather stay here Reebo, I'm sure we can arrange that"

It's going to be a long day.




***************************************




I really want to take my boots off. Okay, so doing so would probably gas us both to death, but they itch like mad. I've pretty much managed to clean the rest of me in my little bathroom thingy, and I even washed out my T-shirt but I'm almost afraid to see my socks. I fear they may have become part of my feet. From this day onwards I may have to go to bed with my boots on. Maybe when we get back they can burn them off. Whatever. Maybe first I should figure out a way for us to get out of here. I scratch at my itchy jaw and sink down onto the floor. I could use another shave too. Luckily they actually used to let us shave when us guys lived together, albeit with a strange blunt sorta stone thing. It's been a couple of days and my grey stubble is starting to come through. C'mon Carter, how long does it take? Yeah right, she's a woman remember? Oh yeah Jack, my drug addled brain forgot that one piece of information huh? No chance. The sound of running water comes from the other part of the cell as Carter tries her best to freshen up. Better keep my eyes on the wall, her bathroom ain't so much a room as an alcove, and it's better to play safe here, I don't look at my best with drool running down my chin. And neither does Reebo.

That guy really bugs me. His eyes were practically eating Carter all up when we walked into that hall today. And she dropped my hand and was after him like a shot. We spent almost four hours in there today and his eyes never left her for more than five seconds at a time, and only then to glare at me. I tell you I'm gonna...Ah hell, let the little shrimp think he's gonna get lucky, cause as long as she's with me there's not a chance in hell. Of course, according to him the whole being with me thing could be threatened. The guy sure knows a lot about we're to expect as 'breeding stock' and I can't help but be suspicious as to where he got it. We spent most of the time walking around the hall for our 'exercise' and the inevitable subject of 'what happens if we don't get pregnant?' was brought up by Alith. She spent the whole day hanging onto Reebin's arm. It makes a change from hanging onto Sam but though they both said they spent all that time together 'chatting', for all we know he's been raping her constantly. Yeah so he really doesn't seem the type and he's never been anything but pleasant to everyone but me, but with all those hormones in his body, and hell he could easily get Alith not to talk.

"If you do not, the choosing will happen again" Said Reebin, his eyes straying to Sam.

That sure as hell stopped us all in our tracks. Sam turned to face him and her face paled. I hauled my hands through my hair and sighed.

"You mean we have to go through all that again? Carter, much though I enjoyed fighting for you, I could do without ten huge guys jumping on me again" Reebin's expression had changed at that, and his eyes flicked to Carter as she screwed up her face in confusion. He was holding out on something, I could tell. And I could also tell I wasn't gonna like it. Not one little bit.

"If a couple do not produce a child, or do not mate, they will not be permitted to pick each other again" He said all of this without even looking in my direction.

I look at Sam and her open-mouthed expression matches mine. Not good. Not good at all. Needless to say that put a little bit of a damper on things, and the rest of 'exercise' time went quietly. I spent most of it sulking in a corner while Sam chatted with Alith and Rosay. At least I *thought* she was speaking to them, but when I looked up next they were talking to each other and she was locked in a whispered discussion with Reebo the wonder boy. Great. We get split up again and they will pick each other. And something tells me that 'mating' would probably be on the agenda for those two. No way. I will not have my second in command forced into that kind of situation with anyone, and especially not laughing boy here. A little voice in my head whispers that 'forced' would probably not come into it, and I choose to ignore it. It's not going to happen. Okay then, so I have two choices. 1. We somehow get the hell out of here, or 2. Carter and I...well...'mate' And I can guess how she'd feel about that. I look back over at her and she's shaking her head urgently at Reebin, who looks darkly at me. He thinks I've been trying it on doesn't he? I get to my feet to go put the guy right and with perfect timing the guards take us back to our cells. Apparently we'll get more exercise in a day or two. Oh I can't wait.

I sigh and lean my head against the wall as I start to pick again at the plaster. It's addictive, and so satisfying to watch it peel away. Funny this bit seems thicker, and it's damn stubborn. I apply myself to my task and really get my fingernail under a white chunky edge. I pull one leg under me for leverage as I actually get the pad of one pinky under the lip and with a grating click it flies off the wall. No...no it didn't. It opened. That lip was the edge of a panel of some kind, obviously long plastered and painted over, until now. The small foot square door swings lazily on its hinges and I peer at what is revealed. A tangle of wires and strange transparent strips full of stuff trail down one side, and the other is filled with some sort of circuit board thingy with little blinking lights and what look like tiny sockets or something. I dunno, I'm no good with this stuff, but it just so happens I'm bunking with an expert.

"Carter!"

"I'll just be a minute sir!"

"Uh...I really think you ought to see this Carter"

The water stops and I stretch my neck over my shoulder to see her as she steps out from her alcove towelling her damp hair. Woah. She steps up to the bars and observes me curiously, and the curiosity quickly turns to annoyance as all I do is stare.

She's wearing the skirt.

Her hands go to her hips and her posture becomes defensive as she watches my eyes trail over her body. Her fatigue pants and her socks are clutched in one hand and she's wearing the long pale skirt of before. It falls loosely from her slim waist and highlights some of the firm sweeping curves of her thighs and calves. Y'know, I could count the times on one hand that I've seen her in a skirt, and this one beats 'em all. She's wearing the matching tanktop but she's got her jacket on top and is still carrying the cardigan thing.

"Sir?"

"Uh..."

I try and form the words, try and tell her about the thing I've found, but the one thought in my mind, the only thing I can think about is...is she wearing those little cotton panties?

She isn't carrying whatever underwear she normally favours with her but something tells me she wouldn't exactly flaunt them. Knowing women they're probably tucked in the folds of her fatigue pants. I drag my eyes back to her face and she looks so not impressed.

"I uh...I found something Carter"

"So you said sir, what is it?"

I scramble to my feet and point with both hands to my discovery while I deliver her a wicked grin.

"Carter, I found you a doohickie"




***************************************




Teal'c in the briefing room.

The gateroom is quiet and the lights are dim.

Siler is dozing at his seat and he doesn't even notice me. I have stood here for the past six hours and he's finally begun to accept that I'm not going to leave. Even the General has given up on that. He threatened to get MP's to move me, but I just stood silently observing the gate, and finally after Doctor Frasier had finally given me the all clear he let me be.

He has officially called off the search.

SG1 are now officially MIA.

Things have started to move on.

General Hammond asked if I wished to be reassigned to another SG team and I asked for some time to think about it. I do not know if I wish to go on fighting without my friends. I know that I fight for a greater cause, that I fight to free the tau'ri and my own people from the threat and slavery of the goa'uld, but I never imagined doing it without them, with out O'Neill, Daniel Jackson and Major Carter. I never imagined being the one left on my own.

I am on my own.

The door opens suddenly and the General comes in again. He doesn't look at me but merely takes up a place on the other side of Siler and watches the gate as I do. No I am not alone, not alone in waiting and hoping and not alone in the fight. Never alone. I look at the General and his face is set, though his eyes show the faintest glimmer of hope that I myself will never allow to fade. I know they are out there. I know they are. He sighs once then walks back out again and up the stairs to his office. General Hammond must feel this way all the time. Every day he watches team, men and women under his command walk out of here and not all of them come back. And he wishes they would.

I turn then and the movement catches Siler's eye and he smiles at me.

"I'll keep watch, don't you worry Teal'c"

I nod at him and leave. I have need of Kel'no'reem.

I have need of solace.




***************************************




We should never have come to this damn planet.

There I've said it, I admit it, are you happy now? It was a mistake, fuelled by greed pure and simple, and the lust for power. Greed...greed is our one driving force and it is also usually our downfall. We're never satisfied you see, never, and once we get what we want we just find something else to crave, to covet and to take. To make it ours. And if we can't get it we make sure no-one else can either. I don't want to be one of us anymore, I never asked to be. I wish creation could take me back and make me something, someone else, or failing that just unmake me.

Oh you should be proud my fathers, you should be proud. Even though we failed to rule here and make this planet ours, even in failure we have remade them in our image. Look at them, look at them as they crawl all over this wasted planet, clinging to this God forsaken world and trying to pretend they got what they wanted. Oh they got rid of their captors, they did that alright, but they were left with nothing, nothing at all. I hate them. I hate them just as much as they surely hate me. Well don't worry, if by some strange miracle I ever get out of here I'll be gone before you can open your mouth to call me a bastard.

I don't need this and I don't need you or your insignificant planet.

All I need is me, and I have that already.

Oh okay so I could do with a fresh replacement for my buddy here.




***************************************




Nighttime again. I settle on my mattress and yawn, pulling my jacket under my head for a pillow. Carter thrashes on the other side and I smile to myself. The sight of that panel was enough to dispel any horror at my behaviour, and she was pressed up against the bars in a shot. The gate was down as it was evening and within a minute I was down on the ground with my head in the panel trying to explain what I saw.

"So there's some sort of control panel?"

"Uh...I guess so. It has little sockety things...holes to put stuff I guess...and wires and things"

"Where do the wires go? Are they connected to the panel?"

"Uh...some of them are, some of them go up and out of sight, and then there's these strip thingies"

"Strips? What do they look like?"

"Uh...kinda see through, with liquid kinda stuff in them, it's sort of moving...all different colours"

I'd only been looking at it for a couple of minutes and my brain hurt like hell already. Then the lights dimmed and I was even more useless trynna describe this stuff in the dark. But still she asked and I did my best to answer her. The conversation went that way for a little while until I got sick of it and she got exasperated with me. And I thought that her explaining things to me were hard, well the other way around is nigh impossible. Eventually I slammed the little door shut and pulled my aching body into a more natural position. She protested for a while but eventually I ordered her to go to bed and only that and a promise that tomorrow she could look at it for as long as she liked were enough to peel her away from the bars.

So finally she's settled down for the night and I manage to force myself to face away from her as she thrashes some more in her nice new clothes. Typical. All this time she's probably been pumped with as much hormones as me and the only thing that bothers her sleep at night is the thought of a new doohickie awaiting her attentions in the morning. Are they giving her the right things? I mean she's got a gorgeous guy right here, and me sleeping next to her every night doesn't do a thing for her? I guess that any thoughts of her fancying me are now well and truly out of the window. I mean, I never believed it personally, but people have hinted things to me, and a couple of times she's looked at me...well...funny, and then there were all the other Carter's and...ah hell...face it Jack, you don't stand a chance. Not that I want to mind, just that every guy would like to think he could get every woman. Well, I'm afraid Carter prefers her machines to me.




***************************************




The gate slides open and she's over here like a shot, practically elbowing me out of the way to get to the panel in the wall. There's my Carter, all bright eyes and wide smiles. There's the tech mad scientist I've come to know....Well anyway, she hauls her jacket off and gets down on the floor and carefully prises the panel open with her fingernails. I just stand and watch her for a few moments, then not wanting to be completely overshadowed by some hunks of metal and little blinking lights I get down there beside her and push her over a little so I can at least watch. Something tells me she's gonna be down here all day so I might as well make my presence known.

Carter turns onto one side and fishes into her jacket until she finds whatever it is she's looking for. She pulls out a tiny black box and removes the cover to reveal a tiny meter of some kind. I have no idea how she snuck that one past the guards, and I sure ain't gonna ask. She spends the next few minutes getting some readings and I push up closer to try and see what she's finding out.

"Anything?"

"Umm...yessir...this seems to be a power line of sorts. It's probably what powers the door and the gate sir. It seems to be linked into a parallel network that probably covers this whole area of cells"

"Think you can figure out how to work it?"

"Probably sir"

"Good...then we have our way out of here"

"A way out's not much good without somewhere to go sir, and if we can't find Daniel..."

"I know I know. But the others said that Daniel wasn't staying in the old cells because they would have seen him at some point yes? So where is he staying?"

"He could be staying in this area sir, is that what you're getting at?"

"Yeah"

"But even so there are dozens of cells here and we can't just open them all as we go looking for him, we'll get caught"

"Right. Any way at all we could get in contact with him?"

I sit and think for a moment, and his brown eyes are searching my face waiting for me to pull some kind of miracle answer out of the hat. It's amazing how quickly the soldier and scientist routine kick in and how quickly the adrenaline starts to stream. We have hope now, and all we need is a little luck. I stare at the panel in the wall for a few moments, biting my lip, then look down at my meter. The Colonel is waiting and when I look up at him and smile he simply raises one eyebrow.

"I have an idea sir"




***************************************




"So we're doing what again?" I ask as I lie flat on my back on the floor by her side, my arms folded and my hands tucked under my head. Oh and a piece of wire in my mouth. Well there wasn't any grass available. Oh and 'we' I say. Well that particular 'we' really means she's been working for the last hour, and I've been giving her moral support.

She looks up from her meter and smiles one of her delightful animated smiles. I know that smile very well. That smile means she's about to indulge her dumb commanding officer with as much of a basic explanation as she can manage about her latest genius discovery or invention. I love that expression. That expression normally means that we're gonna be okay. That we're gonna get out or get home or save the base or save the world. That expression is my second most favourite expression in the world.

"Look up into that corner sir" she says, indicating the opposite corner of the roof with her probe and then sticking her head and both hands back into that hole in the wall. I shift slightly on the mattress and lean back again, letting my eyes glaze over as I stare at the bright roof. It's a flat square of a roof, and seems to be lit from behind some sort of transparent material. As I watch the patch of light in the very corner starts to flicker a bit, then it blinks on and off in a strange pattern.

"Well, that's great if we want to give everyone epileptic fits Carter"

She snorts a little but stays where she is, and I continue to watch as the pattern of blinking changes. Oh...oh wait a minute. I concentrate on the patterns, and as I watch the pattern slowly repeats itself, and once I've seen it a few times I sound out the code in my head.

H...E...L...L...O......C...O...L...O...N...E...L......

Damn! It's Morse code! I sit upright abruptly and when I turn to face her she's smiling softly, her eyebrows raised, waiting on my opinion. I look from the light to her again, then smile.

"Is this so you can send me subliminal messages to me Major? 'You will give all your breakfast to meeeeee'" I waggle my fingers at her as I talk and her face breaks into the most beautific smile, and she tucks her head into her shoulder then glances back up at me, eyes bright and full of life, still beaming. A special Grade A Carter smile just for me. And *that* is my very favourite expression in the whole wide world. I get these smiles from time to time, that clear, candid gaze just for me. No-one else gets 'em, I've checked. They're all for me. I sit up and move over beside her, and pressing my hip up against her I peer at her handywork. No fancy setups, in fact nothing has changed as far as I can tell.

"Okay, so tell me how this is gonna help us again?"

She sighs and shakes her head, and gives me a mini Grade A Carter special. Hey so there's a few versions okay? And yeah I keep tabs. I know I've upset Carter a lot over the last few months, and I didn't get one of these smiles for a whole thirty five days when I got back from Adorra. And the least said about that the better I think. So I drag my attention back to her and she inserts the now detached metal meter probe and taps it against one of the partially dissected sockety things. I glance up at the light and it flickers in tandem with her movements.

"This board here is some sort of control panel and step-up transformer for the lights, and I was able to isolate one light in particular. I can make it flash just by interrupting the current with something metal, and then communicate via Morse code"

"I presume you won't be spelling everything out like that, not very efficient Carter"

"Well normally Sir yes I'd use military abbreviations and some Phillips code and Z-signals, but considering the receiver I think I'll keep it basic, don't you?"

"Ah...Daniel..."

"You did teach him Morse code didn't you Sir?" She asks a little worriedly.

"Oh yeah" I reply, nodding my head vigorously.

Oh hell yeah. It's one of those military things that never really comes up until you need it, and then and only then do you realise that the average civilian does not know these potentially very, very important skills. Picture this. SG1 stuck on a hostile industrial planet and having been split up, Carter, Teal'c and I find ourselves on the top of a large building, with Daniel on the top of the next one, with a whole bunch of guards below really looking forward to beating seven shades of crap out of us. We spotted each other and I proceeded to tap out some Morse code instructions to Daniel with some makeshift material that would go largely unnoticed to the hostiles over the clanking machinery surrounding us, to which he stood up on the edge of the building and yelled at me to speak up. Imagine a dozen angry guards suddenly looking right at you. From that very second onward I swore to teach him Morse code, and that I did. Only the basics mind you, but enough.

"Okay, now I'm afraid the rest of it depends on a hell of a lot of luck, and on Daniel working out what we're trying to do"

She bites on her probe thingy again, and I reach out and swipe it from her mouth, and her teeth snap shut in its wake. She looks at me in surprise and I lean forward and tap her on the nose with my stolen item.

"Okay. I see the light, and I understand the Morse code thing. But how the hell is Daniel gonna see it?"

She takes the meter back and leans into the panel pointing at a large wired up boxy thing that the light panel thingy she showed me earlier is attached to.

"It just so happens that this is a control box for this entire area Sir. This seems to control all the lights in this corridor at least, and judging by the number of circuits here, probably this whole cell block. At a quick count I'd say about fifty or sixty cells"

I take the meter back from her lean back against the wall, letting my head flop back as I feel my brain begin to hurt ever so slightly. She takes in my position and expression with a glance and leans forward. I may be thick when it comes to all this kind of thing, but is she seriously suggesting what I think she's suggesting?

"Okay, so you're suggesting that we what, try and send a Morse code message to every single one of those cells? In turn?"

She shrugs her shoulders and slumps from her kneeling position to sit against the wall.

"Sir, we really don't have any other choice"

I pull away and scramble to my feet, and Carter relaxes against the wall, her wrists balanced on her knees as she watches me start to pace.

"Okay...okay. So, assuming Daniel is in this block, and assuming he's in his cell when we're trynna signal him, and assuming he sees the signal, and assuming he understands, how the hell is he gonna signal back?" I spin to face her and she looks up at me, her hands coming out in front of her to sketch and help her explain. Oh It'll take more than that Major.

"Like I said Sir, these lights are connected in parallel, now whoever built this place was paranoid about a small power failure affecting the rest of the block, so Daniel should have exactly the same panel here in his room, and if it's laid out the same, he should simply be able to signal us back by interrupting the current with some metal"

God she makes all this sound so simple, and judging by the way she's looking at me it probably is. I get back down on the floor beside her and cradle her meter in my lap. I hold out my hand to her for the probe and sigh.

"Okay, show me what to do"




***************************************




Dinner over I place my tray back on the food shelf and settle in a corner with a musty old blanket. It's cold tonight and so I shiver and huddle my fatigue jacket closer while trying not to crease the paper inside. I was so sure I was going to be caught tonight, but for some reason Jarnas is not in a bad mood for once. I'm so glad I wasn't searched because if I had been I would have had a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Today I stole the pamphlet. I don't know why I did it and I don't know what good it's going to do, but if we're ever going to get out of here it will be rather useful if I have some information on this place. Let's just say my eyes have been opened somewhat. Okay, potted history. The Goa'uld invade and take over, the people here, I don't know what they called themselves, they rather wisely decided that this would be a bad thing and wanted them out. After a period of well, I'm not entirely sure but it was certainly more than a couple of generations, they achieved this, and retook their world. As far as I can make out they drove away a few Goa'uld, and killed or 'dealt with' the rest of them. And then they probably had a big party. And then the next day they got up and looked around, and saw their own world. Their own world that they had systematically destroyed. They had wanted rid of anything and everything that had been touched by the Goa'uld, and in doing so rid themselves of everything that had sustained them. Okay so they lacked foresight but they were determined and passionate, and brave. And now?

It's almost funny in a tragic sort of way. Even long after the Goa'uld left their legacy lives on. These people had no identity, so means of survival, and all they knew was the way of life they hated. I imagine they resisted for a while, tried to scrape out some kind of meagre living from the soil, but then people started dying, becoming sick, and they were desperate. They still had the 'master plan' of the Goa'uld that had lived on their planet, and included in it was a list of nearby planets that were 'ripe for the picking'. This area of the galaxy is very far from the centre of Goa'uld territory, so I can only assume that an offshoot of Goa'uld moved here or escaped to here, and set about starting to build an army, and a new power base. So our emancipated survivors saw this plan, and saw the list of addresses of primitive defenceless worlds for the taking, and eventually their wills weakened. Oh I imagine people rebelled at first, and I imagine when the new 'Jaffa' first set foot on a new world and met the friendly curious natives that they had doubts, but one look at the weatherbeaten, hopeless, weary and hungry faces of their own people was enough to make them do what they thought they had to.

They thought they had no choice.

I don't know, maybe they are right, maybe in the same position we would do the same. It's easy to say you wouldn't when you live in a relatively safe country and come home each day to a warm safe house and a fridge full of food. Oh we'd never do it would we? We'd never lower ourselves to the domination of others. Well I'm sorry, but Earth's history is full of that sort of thing. And when left with the choice of die or kill, take or be taken, which of us can truly say that we'd lie down and die so others wouldn't have to? As an individual yes, but could you watch your families, your husbands and wives and brothers and sisters and children do the same? Could you ask them to? So no, it's not straight forward, it never is. But they could have tried, surely they could have tried. They could have visited these planets in peace and asked for help, or moved to a new world, but when you fight for so long to get your own world back, then it's not so easy to let go. When you've spent all that time fighting for something, striving for it, only to find it's not there, or its taken from you, it's a hard thing to face. I should know. When Share' died I felt empty. I'd spent the last few years of my life trying to get her back, only to be thwarted in the end. I felt lost, I felt adrift, but with the help of my friends I got myself back on track, because I know that there is more at stake here than my personal happiness. But these people never had 'friends' did they? They were all in the same boat, there was no external point of view, no advice, no-one to tell them it'd all be okay, that tomorrow was a new day. Huh, they didn't have a Jack a Sam and a Teal'c to rely on. I miss them.

I hope Teal'c is safe. I can only hope the people here didn't kill him, but I get the impression that they would probably just leave him, and for some reason I'm sure he's safe. If only I could remember how we got here. All I remember is walking about on that planet, and then we met someone, and then I fell. And then I woke up here, with Jack slapping me in the face. Considering I was having a dream about Share' it wasn't the most pleasant way to be woken up, and he was not the happiest Colonel I've ever seen. Let's just hope he's a little happier now. Considering knowing him he's probably in a small cell with Sam, then happy is probably not the right word. I only hope the two of them are working on getting us out of here. I know you can do it guys, when those two work together they can accomplish anything. Ah well, I better get some sleep. Sam and Jack will be working on a plan right now, I just know it.

God, and I wish that light in the corner would stop flashing, it's beginning to bug me.




***************************************




"This is gonna work you know"

I glance over at him and he grins as he lies on his back again on the mattress. Oh so now he's assuring me it's going to work? I settle my shoulders into a more comfortable position and move to the next socket along and start to tap out the phrases we decided on. I feel a poking sensation in my leg and once I've finished the last word I turn to find him jabbing his finger systematically into my calf muscle, watching the repeated movements of his hand with avid attention.

"Sir?"

"Just bored Carter, you don't mind do you?"

I hope it's not the drugs. Mind you if this is his idea of foreplay I don't think I want to go any further. Ever since just before we met up with the others he's been touching me a lot. Nothing overt, just hands on my shoulder, around my shoulder, holding my hand, little things like that. I take it to mean that he's comforting me, just letting me know he's there. I do appreciate it, it's just, not really him. Silence follows for a while and then his hand stops, and settles instead on my shoulder as he moves alongside me.

"Carter...this is gonna work, but if it doesn't..."

"It'll work sir, it has to..." I answer swiftly, not even wanting to go there.

"Yeah well if it doesn't, I don't want us to be split up"

I pause mid letter, and quickly restart, keeping my attention focused on my job. His hand tightens on my shoulder and he gently but firmly turns me to face him. His face is deadpan and his jaw set.

"I don't want us to be split up"

I just stare at him. What exactly is he suggesting? He surely can't be suggesting that we 'mate'? Either that or maybe he wants me to let us out of the door and just make a run for it, take our chances so to speak. I stop what I'm doing and turn to face him. He sits against the wall and puts his hand on my knee, patting it softly before letting his long fingers curl around my kneecap.

"Now I know we could let ourselves out of here and make a run for it, but even if by some miracle we didn't get caught we'd never get out. We have no plan, and we don't know where the gate is, and without Daniel we wouldn't be able to find Reebo and get him to lead us to the gate"

His hand tightens reflexively on my knee when he mentions Reebin and then relaxes. He looks deep into my eyes as I nod in agreement, then he takes his hand away and folds them in his lap.

"And that leaves us only one alternative Major" His eyes stay on mine and he raises his chin as he calls me by my formal rank. I do a double take and drop the probe. He wants us to...? He can't be suggesting we...? I mean I know that maybe he thinks he wants to, but he wouldn't try and make me would he? I...I just...

"Uh sir...I...the alternative...uh...are you suggesting we..."

He lays his hands on both of my shoulders and leaning forward he shakes his head vigorously.

"No Sam, I'm not suggesting that we actually *do* what they want us to, but we may have to ah...do a little play acting if you know what I mean"

"You mean pretend that we're ah..."

"Exactly. Now to your knowledge do you think there are any cameras or microphones or anything in here? Anyway they're keeping tabs on us and what we're doing? I mean, they don't seem to have bothered about us taking off the panel here, but surely if they're satisfied that we're uh...together...then they'd give you a little leeway to get pregnant huh? I mean it *can* take a while"

I'd already thought of that before. I had a good look around this cell when we were brought here, and there is nothing I've seen that would represent a camera, especially not with this mismatch of Goa'uld and almost steam age technology. Then how do they?...Oh...I think I know.

"I haven't seen any kind of monitoring devices sir, but I think I know how they're keeping tabs on us"

"How?"

"Well a guard comes in several times a day sir. They come in to open the gate in the morning, then they come in at every meal to make sure we take our own trays. They come back to take our trays away and then they come to close the gate at night. We've also heard the guards walking past on regular patrols, and when they do they stop outside the door and I'm sure they're listening. And when they come in they always spend a few minutes observing us. In their own way they're according us some sort of privacy and respect, but still observing our behaviour"

He thinks on that for a moment, then nods, his fingers scraping at his stubbled chin.

"Yeah I guess that make sense, I did wonder why they were staring at us like that. And then yesterday the guards were talking about us. They must be watching us. Okay then, so we only need to pretend when the guards come in? We can do that"

Yeah the guard did stare at us when he came in yesterday, probably because we were sitting on the floor and the Colonel had his arm around me. Well if that's all we need to do then I can put up with it. A little hug with the Colonel? I can cope with that. I can cope with being enfolded in those strong arms, I can cope with being held close to him, smelling him, wrapping my own arms around him, feeling his warmth and his heart beating against mine. Just a little hug, for appearances sake. No need to get all hot and bothered about it Sam, it's no big deal. Not that hugging him would make me all hot and bothered of course...I feel a nudge and I turn to find the Colonel watching me curiously, oh God I hope I didn't go red or have a big goofy expression on my face or anything.

"You okay with this? There's no way they're splitting us up Sam, I won't have you put with anyone else"

His voice lowers to a growl, and I can't help but think he's talking about Reebin. Jealous are you sir? Good...now you know how it feels.

"Fine sir. We just have to fool the guards"

He nods, and then draws himself up and puffing out his chest he jabs at it with his index finger.

"Of course, you're missing out on the real thing here. I'll have you know I've got 'Lovemaking Level 3 Advanced' Carter"

He waggles his eyebrows at 'advanced', and I can't help but laugh. Yeah I bet he does, oh I just bet he does. He grins widely then winks conspiratorially at me, and I actually blush. This only serves to amuse him further.

"Aw hey, sorry if I'm offending your gentle and delicate sensibilities here *Samantha*, but where I come from I'm known as quite a catch" He lies back and stretches out his firm, lean body, and raises both eyebrows, clearly inviting comment. What the hell can I say to that? Yes you are? Yes I'd very much like to catch you? Well much though I would, I certainly don't want him to know that, and he looks so smug right now that he could do with being taken down a peg or two.

"Must be a small town sir" I say, biting my lip and turning my face away. I caught the start of a look from shock from him and I wonder if I made a mistake in trying to share a joke with him.

"Why you little..." Hands grab my shoulders and spin me around, and suddenly I'm pinned to the ground by 200 pounds of male ferocity. My whole body goes tense and when I open my eyes he's grinning down at me with laughter in his eyes and waggling his fingers over me in a threatening manner. Uh oh...I remember him telling me once about the tickling fights he used to have with Charlie, and I guess for now I'm being Charlie's replacement. I am glad it's laughter I see in his eyes, and no I'm not disappointed in the slightest...I'm glad okay? His eyes find mine and then his hands descend to my ribs and start to tickle.

"Colonel!" I squeal, and this just makes him laugh even more. God he looks so good when he laughs, so happy. He pins my legs down to stop me thrashing and leans closer to tickle me more. I squirm ferociously in his grip and try and pry his hands away from my sides, but debilitated with laughter that I am my strength has simply sapped away.

"Sir...please...stop..."

"Oh no...for a comment like that you must pay Carter!"

He leans over me and holds me down while his other arm gets me right under my arms. Oh God I'm very, very ticklish there. Tears stream down my face and I wriggle so furiously that I almost throw him off and any complaints I was trying to make come out as a wheezing squeak and he starts to laugh.

"Well, well Major, I think I'll remember that particular spot for future reference"

He eases down on the tickling and I push myself upright, unfortunately he chooses that same moment to lean forward and we bump noses, then quickly draw back.

"Ow" We both say in tandem, and then laugh. I slip back down and he leans forward to help me up and we bang noses again. This time we stay where we are, and I find his dark brown eyes very, very close. As I watch them they change colour subtly, darkening, and within a few seconds the irises match his widening black pupils. His smile fades away to be left with a strange almost confused expression as he looks at me. I'm suddenly very aware of the heat of his body as he's sitting on me, and then I become rather aware of something else, a subtle pressure that wasn't there before. Embarrassing though this situation undoubtedly is for him, I'm still somewhat pleased that I can turn him on. Okay so he's probably a hundred times more likely to get like this in these particular circumstances, but that's not really the point. We hang there a few inches apart and then he shakes his head and attempts to untangle himself from me. Poor man looks rather ashamed. He places his hands on the floor and tries to lift himself when the door swings open and we look up into the faceplate of a guard. We both freeze as the guard watches us, then automatically smile. The guard observes us for a few seconds then backs out of the room leaving the door open, obviously giving us some time to finish uh...whatever he thinks we were doing. The Colonel jerks to his feet and extends his hand to me and pulls me upright. He pulls his jacket shut over his front and zips it up and when he turns to face me his eyes are brown once more and he tries a shaky smile.

"Ahem...well...our 'play-acting' plan seems to be working huh? Let's uh...keep it up"

He winces a little at his own comment, then takes my hand and pulls me out of the room and along the corridor to the hall in front of an undoubtedly amused guard. Play acting...sure...whatever you say Colonel. But he's right, it does seem to be working. Let's just hope that the guard reports our...behaviour...to his superiors and that that lets me and the Colonel stay together. But I definitely think that tickling is unsafe territory, unless we want to move beyond make believe. Which we don't, which I don't. Nope...the memory of the Colonel's firm chest pressed against me is having no effect on me whatsoever. Yeah Sam...just like that kiss we shared after the choosing had no effect. And somehow I don't think we're going to have a problem 'keeping it up' are we Colonel?

Oh God Sam, mind out of the gutter. I am not attracted to my CO, I am not attracted to my CO, I am not attracted to my CO...

Umm...

I'm a big fat liar, I'm a big fat liar, I'm a big fat liar...




***************************************




"So how do we know he's heard us? Will our light start flashing?"

"No sir, this LED here should flash"

I peer into the panel and sure enough there's a row of little LED's next to the sockets, and her finger points to one halfway up.

"Yeah but we won't see that when the panel is closed Carter, and we'll have to keep looking at it all the time"

"Well sir, I've also managed to engage what seems to be some sort of warning system that was probably installed before these rooms became cells, so hopefully we should hear beeping. As long as we remember to unhook the little speaker when there are guards near"

"Oh...okay. Good job Carter"

She looks at me for a second as if I've just grown another head, then she nods, smiles and looks away. Just a little praise Carter, just the first step on my little ladder to get closer to her, to be a better friend. And to show her that I care for her as a person, and that I'm not spending my every waking moment drooling over her. Not that I am, just that I want to make sure she understands that. God and I doubt she believes me after that little incident the other day with that whole tickling business. I mean, what the hell was I thinking about in the first place? Have I gone completely nuts? I guess it is possible, but since then I've been the perfect CO, all calm and collected and business like. Well, today I have been, but yesterday in the hall I wasn't the nicest guy I could have been. Well what the hell do you expect? Carter and I have a situation like that and I'm all riled up and turned on and my brain is swimming in hormones and she practically rushed into Reebo's arms?

I hate him.

As soon as we got into that hall she pulled her hand free from mine and shot over there. Oh she pretended she was happy to see Rosay and Alith again but her smile was all for Reebo. And the look he gave me. It was as if he could tell that something had been going on. Well, he obviously suspected there had been. Anyway, Carter and Rosay went for a jog and I found myself next to Reebo. We'd been discussing our plans and got a less than enthusiastic welcome from our buddies here. I sat and watched Carter jog around the hall while Reebo whined next to me.

"And if your friend does manage to contact you, what then? What is your plan?"

I turned to look at him and I felt my teeth clench as I saw his eyes also following Carter.

"Well that's where you come in Reebo, then you get us to the gate, and we all go home. Simple huh?"

"And all this depends on your friend understanding what's going on and leading you to the old cells?"

He'd never met Daniel but I could tell by his voice that he didn't have a particularly high opinion of him. Well I don't have a particularly high opinion of you either buddy. Carter and Rosay finish jogging then and head for our corner. I shift sideways to create a space and she sits by my left side, away from Reebo as I planned. She rests her head on the wall and smiles at me and I smile in return and pat her knee.

I pat her knee???

Where the hell did that come from? Come to think of it I've been doing a lot of that lately haven't I? Patting her knee, putting my arm around her, holding her hand, tickling her for crying out loud! Oh...I remember an old buddy of mine telling me once that this was what I did when I started seeing a woman. Apparently I'd be like this for weeks when we first started going out, and he said I obviously did it unconsciously to let everyone around know that we were seeing each other and she was mine. Well Carter's not mine and she never will be. Uh...and I don't want her to be either...yeah...that's right...

I have to stop touching her. I think would be a very, very good idea.

I drag my attention back to Sam and she's still talking and pointing at various technological points of interest with the point of her probe and I move and rest my folded arm across her back for support as I lean closer to see what she's talking about. I sit this way nodding and 'umming' and 'ahhing' for at least two minutes before I realise that my arm has uncurled and is now draped casually across her shoulders. I sigh and roll my eyes. Not a great start on the old 'no touching' rule, but I really can't take my arm away or I'll fall. Oh well. Carter seems not to notice and I force my eyes away from the soft sweep of her hair and onto the meter, however as soon as she sees what I'm looking at she pulls it over in front of her and points out something else. I can't do anything right can I? I got in trouble last night when she woke to beeping and saw me sitting up playing with the meter. Well it does things...if you put the probe in your mouth it gives you readings and little numbers and lights and beeps and things. Needless to say she wasn't impressed and I think I'm banned. Banned from touching it, well the only thing I should be banned from touching around here is her.

I know it always bugs her when I play with all her fascinating little toys but I could really do with the distraction, anything, just anything to keep my eyes from slowly trailing down her body, especially when she wears that damn skirt like she is now. Not to mention the fact that she's only in her tank top because it's hot, but let's not dwell of that right now...please...At least so far I've always managed to persuade her to change into her fatigues before exercise time, just in case we get the chance to run. Of course, what I really mean is I sure don't want Reebo seeing her like that, but I think she believes my excuse. I think. Well it's getting late now, so thankfully soon the guard will come in and chase her into her side of the cell and I can maybe relax. I'm just having this thought when there is a loud 'clang' and we both turn to look behind us.

The gate is closed.

Why is the gate closed?

Carter slams the panel shut and I get to my feet and then the food hatch on the side wall opens and a guard looks through at the two of us staring back at him. He looks from one of us to the other, then leaves. If he weren't wearing that helmet I'd swear he was grinning from ear to ear. Well...looks like they've just upped the pressure. The lights dim suddenly and Sam is by my side, and she looks worriedly up at me with her arms wrapped around herself for warmth. I knew things were too good to be true.

I look down at my mattress that's just barely big enough for two people lying shoulder to shoulder and gulp. This isn't fair...

I was gonna be good!




***************************************




Three months.

It's been three months.

Three months and I finally gave the order to have all of their codes locked out of the computer. I think it's been a reasonable amount of time. I think if they were going to escape and make it back then they would have done so by now. They know the procedure, they knew the risks and the consequences. And they also know me. If they are still out there, if they're still alive and still struggling to get home, then there is one last code they could try. If my superiors knew I'd done this they would be less than happy, but I know they'd understand. This is my command and they are my people, and I will give them every chance that I think they deserve, and they deserve more.

It would be easier if I was convinced that they were dead, but I'm not. If they had been captured by the Goa'uld or another one of our enemies then I'd of expected something to happen by now. If they were being used, if they were to be a pawn in some sort of blackmail, but no. Nothing. We have heard nothing of them. We have contacted all of our friends and none of them have heard, not the Tok'ra, the Tollans or the Asgard. Not a sign, not a peep.

And yet...

I stand from my desk and look out of the window to see Teal'c staring at the stargate. He believes they are still alive. I would put it down to his determination not to give up on his friends, but after this much I would have thought that even he would have moved on, let them go. But he refuses. He still believes, and some of that belief sparks a little hope that I would not otherwise feel. Perhaps I shouldn't feel it at all. I stand silently and watch as Doctor Frasier and Captain Hayes enter the briefing room and take their place by Teal'c's side. It appears his belief really is catching.

Finally I drag my gaze away from them and sit at my desk and shuffle the many papers and reports awaiting my perusal and signature. For now I'll let it go. How can I forbid their hope if I feel it too?

But there will come a point when we have to let go.

We just haven't quite reached it...yet

But I fear we will.




***************************************




This is fun.

This is a lot of fun.

Not.

I shift on the lumpy mattress and I receive a grunt from my bunkmate as I accidentally elbow him in the ribs. Oops. I freeze and hold my breath but he doesn't wake. Not that I'm actually convinced he's asleep but that just doesn't bear thinking about. Oh come on Sam if you can't sleep do you think he can? Probably not.

I can't believe they did this to us.

Well I guess it could have been worse. They could have flung us into a tiny room naked and refused to feed us until we 'mated' Uh...okay Sam, let's not even go there, as far as I know that could be the next stage. When the gate went down I just got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that we were not going to have the easiest of lives from now on, and I was right. I just looked at the Colonel and he looked back. And then we leaped into action. I set up the panel to beep in case Daniel ever got through to us, and the Colonel tried to grab a hold of my stuff from through the bars. After I was sure it was ready and I closed the panel and smoothed the edges of broken plaster over it and turned to find the Colonel stood facing me clutching the little cardigan. He held it firmly in one fist and was gazing steadily at it until I walked up to him. His head jerked up when he caught me in his peripheral vision and he stiffly thrust his hand out with the garment swinging in his grasp.

"Uh...it's all I could reach...sorry"

I thanked him and took the cardigan, which I'm now wearing and shivering in. I move again in a desperate attempt to warm myself and the Colonel sighs. I knew he wasn't asleep, but I can't help it, I'm cold. When we finally had to 'go to bed' we steadfastly ignored each other and settled down on our sides facing away. Well that was two hours ago and I haven't had a wink, and I doubt he has either. I shift again and he sighs and I feel the muscles in his back work against mine as he lifts a hand to scrub at his face.

"You cold?" He asks, sounding tired and like he'd rather not ask me at all.

"Freezing"

I guess I know now why they keep swinging the temperature from extreme to extreme here. Sometimes hot enough to make you strip down and at other times too cold for one person if you know what I mean. The Colonel sighs again and turns over. He moves against me and I close my eyes waiting for an arm to come around me and pull me close, only for them to snap open when something flaps down onto my chest. I open my eyes and he's facing away again now clad only in his T-shirt and his jacket now lies haphazardly across me. I just lie there, mouth open. I thought he'd...I mean...wouldn't it be better if...I...I can't believe he...he can't give me his jacket he'll be cold! Yeah that's it, he can't do that!

"Sir, you'll be cold if you give me your jacket"

Nothing, no answer. I wait patiently for a few minutes but still he says nothing, only tries desperately to snuggle down into the practically useless mattress. I can't take his jacket. Nice though the gesture is I didn't tell him I was cold so he'd take pity on me! I mean he asked, so I told him, nothing wrong with that is there? What's wrong with him, why is he being so stubborn? I'm sorry we have to sleep in the same room Colonel, are you annoyed that I'm stealing half of your mattress? Not that you use it much, you're always awake when I wake in the night.

"Sir?"

Nothing. I wait a few minutes and then ask again. I shift slightly and I'm just about to turn and shake him when a strangled annoyed voice finally answers me.

"What?"

"Sir, you'll be cold..." I trail off not knowing what to say and he snaps at me again, and I sense a growing anger in his voice.

"Can't you just go to sleep Carter?"

"I don't want you to be cold sir I..."

He jerks upright and peers at me over his shoulder, his dark eyes smouldering.

"Please!...Please...can you just be quiet and go to sleep...I'll be fine" His voice was so pleading, and he's breathing so harshly and I just don't understand what's wrong with him. Why is he so angry?

"Sir?"

He curls into a ball and wraps his arms around his head and I can feel my own anger start to rise. What the hell is the matter with him? I fling his jacket to the ground and he flinches. Sitting up and suddenly feeling that I must be answered I take a hold of one of his wrists and pull on it. He jerks it from my grip and rolls away. That's it...I've had enough. He doesn't let me act like this so why should I let him? I reach over again and haul him to face me, and I can't explain the sudden anger and roil of emotions that course through me, that demand his attention! Pay attention to me dammit! He struggles to get away and I reach out with my other arm.

"Carter...Carter! stop it"

He fends my hands off and tries to get away, his voice becoming more faint and I lunge for his collar. I'm getting panicky and I can tell by the way he's thrashing that he is too. Suddenly he spins around and grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me.

"Stop it! Please...you don't know what you're doing!"

I stop and look into his eyes, and in there I see desire and want and need such as I have never seen. He gasps as he looks at me and suddenly I realise that what I was feeling wasn't anger at all, I was seeking his attention yes, but a particular kind. Oh God how can I have let myself forget the...uh...unbalanced state of our body chemicals? We sit there panting, his hands on my shoulders and mine on his elbows as the moment is fraught between us. How do we get out of this? We can't...I won't...I don't want...but...I...What? The Colonel's eyes slide away from mine and he cocks his head and looks confused, almost as if something is drawing him away.

"Listen!" He says, whispering.

"What?" I ask, following his gaze to the far corner.

Beeping...it's beeping. We both hear it then and our eyes meet for a long drawn out moment before we scramble to our feet and rush for the panel. We collide as we get there but the Colonel shifts across and opens the panel for me as I gather my meter, turn off the beeping so no guard will hear and lean close to watch the LED.

"Is it him?" The Colonel asks with a hushed breath and I shush him and pay attention. A minute passes as I watch and the only sounds are own gradually slowly breathing. A wave of calmness descends upon me as my military training comes to the fore. Thank God. I've caught the message mid-phrase but soon a few words jump out at me and I dictate for the Colonel.

"...so long...didn't realise...Daniel"

The Colonel leans forward grinning and grips me by the shoulders and shakes me before pulling me into a rough hug. He pins me against his chest for a moment then holds me at arms length and grins as the flashing resumes. All shouting and arguing and awkwardness suddenly dismissed. I panicked for a second when he grabbed me but with his eyes brown and smiling he couldn't look further from the man of one minute ago.

"You did it Sam!" He grins and I blush and look away. Actually it all depended on Daniel figuring this out, I did the easy part, but the Colonel seems determined to praise me. I'm not accustomed to open praise from him, and I can't meet his eyes. Strong fingers lift my chin and I find myself staring up into the breathless face and deep, dark eyes of the Colonel. He smiles gently then slowly pulls his fingers away leaving trails of warmth on my skin. He looks about to say something when more flashing catches my eye and I lean in to the panel again.

"You there Jack Sam?"

"Tell him we're here!" The Colonel orders, that military efficiency fluidly entering his voice as he hovers nervously by my side, his fingers tugging at my sleeve like a restless excitable child. Which he is. I apply the probe and tap out an affirmative and Daniel quickly replies. The letters come quicker and quicker as he gains confidence, and it looks like he's been practising. Thank God.

"Sorry late. Got message yesterday, had to wait. Both okay?"

I see Jack nodding vigorously out of the corner of my eye and I reply and tell him we're fine, and ask him how he is.

"Fine. Sure both okay?"

I meet Jack's eyes and he looks confused, then the brown orbs dart away. Maybe Daniel knows something, knowing him he's probably learned the entire history of this place by now. Oh well, we are okay...mostly, apart from the fact that we were just almost at each others throats...or...well.... I assure Daniel of this and am amazed at how he can seem chirpy and full of enthusiasm through Morse code.

"Good. Me learned things. You have plan?"

I turn to Jack with my eyebrows raised and he rubs his hands together and I find his spreading grin infectious despite myself as he speaks.

"Oh yes" He says in that way that only he can, and I hand him the probe.




***************************************




If we are meant to be Gods, then who made us?

I mean, I know we are not Gods, but to finally admit that actually causes me some actual physical pain. The memories of my many ancestors swim and twist in my mind, and I would almost swear I could taste their displeasure. I imagine they would be turning in their graves at the thought of my...my...change of heart. Well...wriggle in their graves then. Notice how I swiftly diverted the attention away from the change of heart thing. I can admit it to myself but I really don't like to dwell on it, or even think about it. Okay so I'm not one hundred percent on admitting it either, but I'm getting there aren't I?

Anyway, things are happening.

Don't ask me how I know but I just know. I can sense a subtle shift in things, and I know something, something is going to happen. The chemicals that wash daily over my body have not changed in a while, and that means they are too busy doing something else to bother experimenting with me. In a way that upsets me, I mean I hate the fact that the only reason they keep me alive is because they want to find out how to control me as a parasite, but being ignored like this affects my pride. Not that I have much being a powerless God in a brain dead host.

Well, if there's something going down, if there's the slightest, slimmest chance that I can take some sort of advantage out of this, then I'm going to take it. It's time I readied myself for the possibility of taking a new host.

Well you never know do you?




***************************************




I wind the tiny screw back into my glasses and make for the door when the guard gestures at me. I push the glasses up on my nose and for once I feel thankful my eyesight requires them. Thank God I couldn't sleep that other night or I would still have been none the wiser. I was lying on my back thinking about being back home, well all of a sudden my attention was drawn to that annoying flickering light. I actually half drifted off to sleep as I watched it, and a sleepy part of my brain suddenly pulled a few letters out of nowhere. I took mild interest at the fact that some of the flashes corresponded to Morse code letters that I'd just been learning, then as a word formed I suddenly snapped into full consciousness and sat up.

"Jack"…I'm sure that just spelled Jack. I watch again and the light stops flickering. I remember waiting and hoping and staring and then within a few seconds it started up again and I managed to piece it together.

It said 'Daniel it's Jack Sam. Open panel east wall tap 3 left socket with metal'

And that's what I did. I managed to find the panel fairly easily as it'd been picked at, obviously by someone bored, but I did have to push a sleeping man out of the way first. When I opened it I panicked for a moment at all the lights and sockets and everything, and then I had to smile imagining Jack's face when he first looked in here. I eventually found the one that Sam was meaning, huh, notice how I just talk about Sam in relation to this, and then I suddenly realised I had no metal. I had nothing in my pockets and they took my belt. My watch was gone as well and after a futile few minutes trying to prise an eyelet from my boot I gave up. Well judging by how long the flashing has been going on they must have been trying for about a week, so I figured I had a little leeway. Of course I was at work the next day when I realised that the little screws in my glasses were metal. So I waited until we were herded back to our cells and then I spent a clumsy twenty minutes in the dark unscrewing the leg of my glasses, dropping the screw twice, and almost losing it completely. But eventually I had it, and I waited a few hours until the lights were out and I knew the guards were gone, then I creaked open the little panel and hesitantly typed out my message. And lo and behold within a few minutes they answered me! I have never felt so relieved. Whoever was signalling me told me they were both okay, and then Jack outlined his plan to escape. Quite simple when described, but when after half an hour of crouching by the wall I had all the details I sat back and blew out a long breath and thought there was no way we were ever gonna pull this off. No way.

We have the means yes, and certainly the will and the determination, but we're also going to need a healthy dose of luck. They then asked me where I was and after another half an hour and a lot of frustration on both our sides, we realised that we must both be in the same general area. Sam took over then, and I was a little relieved to be spared Jack's questioning for a few minutes. Eventually we managed to work out that we were probably at opposite ends of the main corridor and around the corner from each other.

So, they wait till the guards pass them, then me, as it seems they move in circular patrols around the cells (so Jack says anyway) then they let themselves out, come let me out, I take them to the old cells, we find their other friends and they lead us to the gate and home. Simple huh? Yeah...no problem. Don't get me wrong, I have complete faith in Jack's plan, it's just....ah hell...

Don't wait up Teal'c...

Mind you, al least Sam and Jack will get out of there. They assured me that they were okay but I'll believe that when I see them. God knows how those two have managed to survive been stuck together all day in a small cell for breeding. I mean I know Sam, and I know Jack, and if a little extra hormone load rushing around their bodies hasn't finally pushed them over the edge and made them leap on each other then I don't know what will! Excuse my crudeness but you really would have to be blind not to see that sparks flow between those two. It's not all the time and I know it's not allowed and I know there have been other people for both of them but there is an undeniable chemistry there. I was never fully aware of it until I saw my first alternate reality. Then somehow I was seeing it every where, and all the time. I saw the jealousy over Martouf, Sam's pain when Jack was missing, Jack's protectiveness, the way everything that came out of his mouth elicited a laugh from Sam. And I wondered how I'd never noticed before.

I've never said anything to either of them, because it's against regulations so I understand from the hundred times Jack's cited that as his only excuse, and besides, people can have chemistry and not fall in love.

Yeah people can, but not these two people.

I really better keep my pet theories to myself or Jack will hit me. Okay, tonight we're 'busting out of here'.

Oh I've always wanted to say that...




***************************************




Today I went out with SG5.

They had a lot of ground to cover and a lot of equipment to carry and so they required an extra member. General Hammond came and asked me if I wanted to accompany them, and I think he was surprised when I readily agreed. Many people have been recommending to me that I go out with a team, try and get on with my quest to help the tau'ri defeat the Goau'd, and I must admit that it was good to further my goal even in this small way. When I came back the General and Doctor Frasier smiled warmly at me and I nodded at them. Yes I will resume my duties here in the SGC, but I will never give up the quest for my friends. They are not dead, they are out there somewhere...they are...captured.

Every night in Kel'no'reem I feel that I am getting slowly closer to some answer that may help me, help us, help them, but I know it will take time.

Please fight on my friends. I will come find you.




***************************************




"Look, do you understand or don't you, it's not that hard Reebin..."

Oh they can argue all they won't, I don't care. I'm sick of the Colonel's pathetic posturing and I'm sick of Reebin's 'Holier than thou' act. They can kill each other if they want and I just don't care. Maybe that would be altogether easier. Maybe Daniel and I would stand a better chance if it was just the two of us. I mean, it's getting ridiculous! After last night, the Colonel spent the night sleeping in the far corner, and I huddled on the mattress by the bars. And neither of us slept. We were able to forget about our little uh...argument while we conversed with Daniel, but when we finally pulled our aching bodies away from the panel to get some sleep the awkwardness came down like a wall. We talked a little about our plans for escape, but then I made the mistake of bringing up the fact that we'd get to discuss it with Reebin and the others the next day, and he just snapped and yelled at me. And I yelled back. After a few minutes of this we stomped apart and pretended to sleep. I just screwed my eyes tightly shut and pulled myself into a foetal position while he sat upright and muttered to himself in the corner. At one point I'm pretty sure he said 'Damn...damndamndamndamn...' and then he finally fell silent. Today we got a long exercise period and as soon as we were fed and the guards arrived, the Colonel was all over me like a rash again. His hand grabbing mine and an arm around my shoulder, constantly touching and looking at me. He's so confusing. I know it's probably all for show, just to let the others know that I'm all his. The annoying thing is I would love to be.

Oh Sam, the moment for a sudden emotional revelation is not in the middle of an argument of two aggressive men, but I just can't help myself. I look at the Colonel as he jabs a finger at Reebin, and my eyes trail to his other hand which is clamped on my thigh, out of sight from everyone else. The fingers tighten and release as his voice rises, and you know, I don't think he's even aware he's touching me right now, it seems to be a subconscious thing, the actions of a caring Colonel who's just trying to make sure I'm alright. I wish it was more, and hell I even wish it was simply that, but it's not is it? It's something much more base than that. Every time he reaches for me or takes my hand or steers me with an arm over my shoulders I get a little shiver. A tiny thrill shoots up my spine at his closeness, the tingle of his skin on mine, but he doesn't even notice. Give it up Sam, he's not interested. Not that I am, no no no it's just...ah forget it. I am interested. Very interested. Fingertips relax on my thigh and as the argument is over for the moment as Rosay starts to argue with Reebin about which way we should go once we get out.

The Colonel sighs dramatically and leans back into his seat and his hand slides further up my leg away from my knee and I can't help but shudder. The hand stops and I look up to see the Colonel looking at me quizzically. He must have felt my reaction, and now he looks down to see his hand. He quickly lifts the hand from my leg and it hovers there, close enough so that I can still feel the warmth and the ghost of his touch. I look up at him and he's watching me steadily, and a worried expression crosses his face. He must be wondering what I think of him for touching me in this way, and also why I didn't remove his hand. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? I liked your hand there Colonel, that's why I didn't move it? Oh yeah that will sound good. His eyes hold mine and I refuse to let my gaze drop away. Slowly, almost fearfully, he lowers his hand by painfully slow degrees over my knee, watching my face all the while for any change in my reaction. I force a timid but true smile, and in response to whatever signal he was waiting for he drapes those long, sensual fingers over my knee, curling those digits to fit the curves of the joint. His mouth lifts in a gentle, private smile, but the shouting drags our attention from each other.

"One of the other prisoners told me about that corridor" Reebin says in a very petulant voice that doesn't suit him at all.

"Which prisoner? And how did they hear about it?" Counters Rosay, suspiciously.

The Colonel and I sigh in tandem and he gently squeezes my leg. I smile as I lean against the wall and resist the urge to lean against his shoulder. Instead I place my hand on his for a brief moment, but as I go to draw it away he pulls his hand out from underneath, then clutches mine and moves it onto his own knee, where he places it, pats it twice, then covers it with his hand, his fingers lying in between mine. He flashes me a quick smile then Reebin draws him into the argument once more.

"And when we find this stargate Jack, where will we go?"

"Earth, our planet. From there we can send you back to your own planet, or to wherever in the galaxy you want to go Reebin"

Rosay snorts and sits back, and for once Reebin treats Jack's caustic comments with good grace, and relaxes. The plans are made, we know what we're going to do, but we feel like we have to go over each and every little detail again and again. If even one little thing goes wrong, that's it, it's over, but what choice do we have? We have a plan, a good plan, and we will get home. Home...back to the way things were. I squeeze the Colonel's leg and as he talks his fingers entwine further with mine. I better savour this sensation all I can, because when we get back his hand will be in someone else's.

So tonight we go back to our cells, and we wait for the all clear signal from Daniel. And then we make our move. I can only hope that when tomorrow comes I'll get what I want...and what I wish for.

And what I want is...to go home.

But what I wish for is him. And he doesn't wish for me.




***************************************




"As I turn to go
You looked at me for half a second
With an open invitation
For me to go...
Into temptation, knowing full well the earth will rebel
Into temptation, safe in the wide open arms of hell..."

(Into Temptation - Neil Finn & Crowded House)




***************************************




I hate waiting.

I mean, it's one of the worst things that we ever have to go through. Waiting to find out if you got the job, if you didn't, if you did right, if you did wrong, if you passed the test, if that train is coming...If they managed to save your sons life...like I say, it's not something I'm very good at and I don't think I ever will be. People say it's because I've got no patience but that's just not true. As a matter of fact I consider myself to have tons of patience. Like how I've waited for the last year for one little sign from...Anyway, it's not patience, it's that horrible feeling of being in limbo, I've just never liked it. I like to know what's going on at all times, who's where, what's what...everything. Okay so maybe I'm a bit of a control freak but that's what the military makes you into. So we sit and wait patiently for Daniel to call, so we can go home. It could be anything from a minute to several hours, but we have no choice. We wait, then we move, then we get home.

Simple. I wish all things were as simple as that.

When we get outta here I'm gonna make an effort with Sam. I know that recently I've not been the best CO much less the best friend to her, and I owe her one hell of a lot for what she's done for me over the years. I've never really said thank you for being there, and I wish I could because she deserves it so much. I just can't say the words most of the time, even when the others thank her right in front of me all I can do is waggle my eyebrows at her. She gets it though doesn't she? Doesn't she? Even when I've thanked her over the last few weeks she seems surprised, even a little embarrassed. Just cause I don't say it doesn't mean I don't feel it Sam, and lately I've been maybe beginning to realise that just because I don't admit things to myself it doesn't necessarily mean they're not true. So when we get back I'm gonna spend more time with her. I'm gonna make a point to take her out, go places with her, visit her in the lab and spend hours trynna understand that damn naquada reactor. Not because I feel obligated, but because I want to, I'm been meaning to spend more time with her a while now, I enjoy her company tremendously, and in many ways we're very alike. And then she'll laugh at all my jokes and use big words deliberately just so she can make me get what Danny calls my 'confused face' She just deserves so much more from me, so much more of my time and attention. We'll be back to normal, none of this hormone stuff, no more awkward situations where I want her so bad it's a very physical pain. We'll be back to normal and I'll try and regain the closeness we used to have.

Nothing wrong with that is there? It doesn't mean anything, I just want to spend more time with her and make her laugh and make her happy, that's all. Huh...shit. You remember what happened to that other blonde woman you wanted to spend more time with and make laugh and make happy? Do ya Jack? Do ya remember what happened to her? Yeah...yeah that's right Jack, that's right...you married her.

You married her.

I turn and face Carter and she's lying staring intently at the panel so I slide over and lie by her side, watching her out of the corner of my eye. Her chin sits in her hand and her other hand twists and turns the little probe from the meter as we wait. For all we know it could take ages for the guards to complete their rounds, it could be hours. She places the shaft of the probe into her mouth and holds it between her teeth as she turns it in place with her fingers. I watch mesmerised as her soft lips move over the hard black plastic, and suddenly the lights dim for bed time and we turn naturally to look at each other. She smiles a little nervously and I smile back and shift on the floor, suddenly aware of being rather uncomfortable at lying on my front. At least it means she won't notice. Please Daniel get in touch soon as I don't want a replay of that other night. Well, I don't want the awkwardness anyway...

"Something wrong sir?" She asks, obviously seeing my face screw up as I move.

"Well, apart from being stuck on a prison planet light years from home with as yet no sure-fire way back, no...not really" She smiles and shakes her head and twirls the probe in her hand once more.

"Anything right sir?" She asks in a cheeky voice and turns to face me as I answer.

"Only one thing. I may be stuck on a prison planet light years from home with as yet no way back, but I am here with you" Her eyebrows jump for a second, then she gives me a shove, obviously interpreting my smile as a smirk. I did so try to give her an honest smile but I'm a bit out of practise.

"Oh thanks sir, I'm glad the fact that I'm suffering as well makes you feel better"

She shakes her head again ruefully and I reach out and take that damn distracting meter from her hands. I put it down and entwine my fingers with hers. She looks up, confused.

"That's not what I meant. I meant I'm glad you're with me"

I give her hand a squeeze and she squeezes back, and we both turn our attention back to the panel, still holding hands. We sit this way for another half an hour or so, and I'm woken from a daydream by the sudden realisation that she's shivering. It is cold tonight and even though she has her fatigues on again the cold is still managing to permeate. I grunt as I lift myself on my elbows and move closer to her, looping an arm over her back. She stiffens a little at first then she gives a little sigh and relaxes, leaning into me. Maybe she still thinks I'm gonna try and force something. No, I'm not Sam, I want to, but I'm not. Damn these hormones. Y'know, if we weren't being all drugged up like this and forced into this situation, then I think that we might even have already progressed beyond hand holding naturally by now. I just think that there might be some chemistry between us. I don't know exactly what it is and I'm not entirely sure if she feels it, but it's there, and it's always been there, from day one. The fact that I've been trying my damnedest to ignore it for the past three years should tell you just how strong it is.

I wish it wasn't there, I wish I didn't always have to go around being aware of this thing hanging over us, threatening us at every turn, but it is. God, listen to me I make it sound like such a bad thing, but in so many ways it would be bad, and wrong. Very wrong. Wrong to love Sam Carter. Those words just don't sound right do they? How can it ever be wrong to love her? Well it is and I don't and I won't and I've tried ever so hard to move on and leave her alone...but I just can't. She's always there, always smiling at me and being with me, and sharing with me, and she just draws me right in. Just like she's drawn in most of the men on the base and I bet she has no idea. My arm tightens reflexively around her at the mention of other men, and I breathe deep and slow to regain some control. I will not let these hormones take over and ruin my relationship with her. I will not let them jeopardise everything that's never going to happen.

Never going to happen.

I let my eyes drop to the floor and a sigh escape my lips as I try and let go of her in my mind, try and stop my once hidden misplaced feelings from spilling out and drowning me.

Let her go Jack, let her go...oh God I've been trying, I've been trying so hard...

I close my eyes and bite my lip when all of a sudden I feel soft, warm fingers on my chin and I look up into her questioning eyes. Her other hand twined with mine squeezes, and I squeeze back. It's just like earlier in the hall today. I had my hands all over her before I even realised what the hell I was doing, and when I finally realised I saw she had made no move to remove my wandering fingers or tell me off, and I didn't know what to do or say. She just looked at me, and I searched her face as my hand hovered there, almost secretly asking an unspoken question. And then she smiled. She smiled the most beautiful shy smile I'd ever seen, and I was so sure it wasn't a 2IC comforting her commanding officer smile, I was so sure. So I put my hand back on her knee, feeling the warmth of her through the material, and she covered my hand with hers, still smiling. I thought...I thought it was an agreement, I thought she was telling me yes, that she feels like...that...oh I don't know. So I took her hand and put it on my knee and held it tight, trying to show her in my own dumb way how much I care, how much more I...how much more I want. And I thought she was saying the same thing, I thought she felt the same...But...but within a few minutes she had been dragged off by Reebin and the two of them were having a cosy conversation in the corner, his arm resting on her shoulder. And she never did a thing about that either. God I feel confused. For once anger and jealousy didn't come, just an overwhelming sadness and disappointment. The rational part of my brain tells me I should be glad, that I should be glad she feels nothing for me. Then I can get on with things and leave her the hell alone, like I've been trying so very hard to do.

I look deep into her eyes and she smiles that smile at me again, and I feel the pain of hope in my chest. She looks so sad and yet hopeful, and I know she's worried about getting home. I want to tell her it'll be okay, I want to tell her we'll get out of here, and I want to tell her that I'll never bother her about this and I'll leave her alone. She's young and smart and beautiful and she sure as hell wouldn't want me. And I don't want her, I don't, I'm gonna leave her alone and let her live the life she deserves, and maybe find one for myself, and then I'm gonna...kiss her?

I'm kissing her...

My mind was off solving my problems and when it wasn't looking we both just sort of leaned in and all I was really aware of was her blue eyes blurring out of focus and then suddenly the soft, soft caress of her lips on mine lit up my nervous system like Christmas lights and I took her in my arms. Her arms slide tentatively up my back and I gently roll her, my hands supporting her head on the cold floor as I lean over her. She doesn't pull away. She responds to the kiss and my mind is marvelling at the feel of her against me, under me. She's kissing me, and she's not stopping. It's not a passionate kiss, not really, not yet. It's just soft, exploratory, new. I try and concentrate on what I'm doing, but I can't get rid of the thought that this is exactly what our captors want us to do, that we're playing right into their hands. Is she just doing this because of the hormones? Am I? No...no we're both strong, and I feel very calm, like this is so right...but...Damn, our very first real kiss and I'm gonna ruin it. I don't count that kiss we had after the choosing, yeah so the want and need was there, but not the choice. And we both chose this, seemingly at the same time. I push all of these thoughts to the back of my mind and press my chest against hers, feeling hers rise and fall swiftly in response. She's a little tentative at first, but eventually she warms and eases into it and kisses me back, her fingers meeting the skin of my neck and sliding into my hair, making me moan softly. She pulls me tighter and I tangle my legs with hers, feeling her warmth along my body. One of her hands slides down my back and tucks under my jacket and smoothes up my spine, the hot, welcome contact through my T-shirt sending my already hyper sensitive nervous system into a frenzy. I slide one of my arms under her shoulders and lift her slightly, tightening the contact between our lips as I move over her and settle most of my weight onto her. She welcomes my shift and pulls me closer, and I screw up my eyes and let myself flow into the kiss. It deepens then and her hot breath washes over me as I free my tongue into her mouth and it meets hers for a sensual wrestle.

Her fingers take a handful of my hair and one of her legs rises to wrap around mine. The kiss becomes deep, slow and rhythmical, and our bodies writhe in a corresponding accompaniment, each inch of clothed skin demanding contact. This is one hell of a kiss. This is the outcome of years of sexual tension, and a nightmarish couple of months of unsurpassed need and desire. My entire body comes alive with her closeness, but funnily enough the kiss retains its pace and slow exploration, and I feel no need to push beyond, not yet. I may be feeling like a raging sex mad teenager but this is no first grope at a party aged sixteen, this is Sam. She's my team-mate and my friend and the woman that's slowly been pulling me out of my emotionless shell since I met her. And she's more, so much more, and I want her to be more, despite all I just said and agreed in my head about moving on. It's funny how you get these moments of clarity in the most inappropriate situations. Hormones be damned but I so want to just kiss her, experience her in a way I never have, and she seems to feel the same way. For once I'm not lost wondering what she's thinking, what she's feeling, for it's all laid out for me now. If she didn't want to kiss me, touch me like this and be touched the same in return she would stop. So she wants me to kiss her, wants me to touch her, and I'm certainly not going to disappoint.

I sigh and relax on top of her, and the tension that I wasn't aware she was feeling slips away as well and I feel her muscles relax and her fingers in my hair start a slow massage of my scalp. I've never had a kiss like this before, and to be honest I can't believe I'm tricking my body to go along with it. My brain is obviously assuring my body that this is merely the first step, but I don't think it is. Right now I haven't even begun to think beyond this first, perfect step. To be perfectly honest if we keep going like this we may both just slip into heavenly happy unconsciousness.

I'm being kissed to death, and I don't mind one little bit.

I move my hand from her head and cup her jaw, my thumb gently smoothing her soft perfect skin, and her other hand slides down my back and tucks into my waistband, and pleasant ripples of sensation wash up my spinal cord and break over my brain, making me drowsy. This is the most erotic, sensual thing I've ever shared with a woman, and judging by the way she's writhing lazily underneath me, and tangling my tongue with hers, then she doesn't find it too objectionable either. I feel like I could just melt into her, and a part of me that's throbbing down below thinks that that would be a very nice thing. Oh yeah...very nice...

My God I think I'm falling in love with her.

Except that falling suggests that it's happening currently, and it really should be past tense if I'm going to be completely honest with myself here. Oh for crying out loud, one kiss and I'm admitting some very bad things. Things I thought I'd pushed very far away, things I thought I'd decided to leave very well alone, but I'm kissing her for God's sake! She stretches out underneath me and presses every gorgeous inch of her form up against me and suddenly her hand on my back finds bare skin and starts to explore every dip and ridge of my now exposed spine. Oh my...I guess I asked for that when I ran my hand down her throat and traced the delicate outline of her exposed collarbone, running my fingers around the cruel border of her T-shirt. She gasps against my mouth and I press down on top of her, holding her tightly against me, and her fingers dig into my bare back. Simultaneously we clutch at each other, our hands on each others heads holding tight, the kiss turning heated, hungry.

Her hand sweeps down over my rear and up my exposed back as I skirt her side and breast with a questing hand, and all of a sudden the rest of my body wakes up from it's strange dormancy and demands more. She arches beneath me and I growl into the kiss, making her grab at me, pulling me closer still.

Oh God I ache for her...

I push her jacket slowly from her shoulders and she does the same to me. We wriggle closer once again and as her hands move to my hips I take a handful of the side of her T-shirt and haul it from her waistband, and then we freeze. We both hang there, breaths held, faces inches apart as soft, intruding beeps fill the air, and when we're sure they are forming distinct patterns we reluctantly scramble apart and crouch by the open panel. Sam leans her ear in close and calls out the letters as she hears them in a breathless husky voice as I haul my trembling carcass off the floor and slouch against the wall, arms around myself as I know what this must mean, and that our one chance at 'us' is over.

"Hi...Guys...Daniel here, miss me?"

No...not really Daniel...Not really...




**************************************




Kel'no'reem is welcoming and calming, but it does not eradicate the pervading sense of loss, and pain. It refreshes my body but time and again it does not ease my mind. Again there is that indefinable something that will not allow me to rest fully, and I do not know what that something is. It flits through my mind on the swift wings of a bird, and though I try I cannot capture it nor lure it to me.

Why can't I remember? Did they take it from me? Our captors? Did they steal this knowledge away from me? It must have been important. The room seems suddenly cold and I wrap my arms around myself as I remember. We walked into the woods, and we walked there and we met someone...we met...someone...and this person...this person...they...they...and it's cold...cold...there was cold...

Oh...

I leap to my feet and push my door open, candles flying as I kick them our of the way and jog out into the corridor on my bare feet. An airman in the corridor flattens himself against the wall as I jog past and head for the control room. I pound in and Siler turns to watch as I climb the stairs and run across the briefing room, and finally find myself in front of General Hammond door. I knock quickly and when he acknowledges me I enter. He rises to his feet when he see my face, and his eyebrows pull down over his eyes in his puzzlement.

"Teal'c? What's the matter son?"

I stand open mouthed and stare at the General as my scattered thoughts and memories career around in my confused brain. I'm not even entirely sure of what I have just discovered, only that I had to tell the General right away.

"Teal'c?" Asks the General again, and this time he is by my side, his concerned face looking up into mine. I break from my revere and look down at him.

"I remember...I remember. We met a person when we passed into the woods, and they befriended us, and then we headed back to the gate..."

"Yes Teal'c, you told us this already..."

"But there is something new General Hammond. I remember being on a table, a table in a cold room, and they had removed my goa'uld. And there were people talking, our captors were talking"

"Okay...is that all?"

"No...The captors spoke of needing the tau'ri captives to perform tasks for them And they spoke of keeping them, of housing them with other prisoners they had taken"

"Then...then they could still be alive?"

"I am sure of it"

"Then it's still possible that they are still together? That they could escape?"

"I believe so General Hammond, but there is something else"

He puts his hands on his hips and waits for me to continue.

"The person we met on the planet, I...I cannot remember anything about them, but I do remember one thing as they spoke over my table. They outlined their plan. That person will befriend SG1, and then betray them"




***************************************




SQRWWWWWWWRK!

FSSSSSHHHHHH

I tap the radio angrily and finally find the correct frequency. Curse these inferior technologies, our attention should be focused more on repairing and learning more about the abandoned machinery on our world, and not wasting time with these...these people...not that all of them are a waste, but some of them I could happily be without.

But back to the task at hand...

"Do you read me? Control do you read me?"

"we...ead...ou...go ahead..."

"I have found out more, but I don't have much time...I can't let my cell mate hear me..."

"The...au'ri?...at...ave...ou...ound...out?"

"You're breaking up control...can't you up the power?"

"No...can't spare...ower...ave they...ated?"

"Uh...no control I don't think so, but I think I may have a better idea"

"...etter? Do ...ell...can ...ou...find where they...ome from?"

"I may be able to do better than that. They intend to escape, and I intend to go with them"

"eep...us posted...out"

I flick the switch on my small radio and settle down into the corner of my cell. My weak and easily influenced cell mate is asleep in the far corner, and I huddle on my mattress and pull the corners of my rough blanket up to my chin.




***************************************




"This one? Are you sure?"

"I think so yes Sir...this is definitely the one"

I shift from foot to foot as Carter flips open the little door panel on the outside and fiddles with the buttons inside. As soon as we got Daniel's message we collected out stuff and left, quietly creeping along the corridor to find his room. I wasn't sad to leave our cell, but the timing could have been a little better, but enough of that now Jack, we have a 'go' here. I glance up and down the dark corridor as Carter crouches by the wall, and after what seems like a painful eternity the door slides open and I stick my head into the gloom. In the corner I can see sleeping bodies, and I'm just about to crane my neck in further when a dishevelled figure lurches out at me from behind the wall in my blind spot.

"Woah" I say and take a step back, wishing I had a gun to raise.

"Jack! Sam! It's me!"

The figure sloughs off a dirty blanket and steps out into the light, pushing his glasses up his nose and sweeping grimy hair from his eyes.

"Daniel!" squeals Carter and launches herself into his arms. Oh thank God he's okay. They chuckle and laugh quietly for a moment in a tight embrace and after clenching my teeth for a while I reach out and haul Sam backwards by her collar, and pull her against my side. Reunion over guys, you can hug later. Well actually, no you can't, it kinda freaks me out in actual fact. Carter stumbles back surprised and I grin at Danny as best I can, and clasp his shoulders in my hands giving him a quick look over before indicating the corridor behind us.

"Daniel, great to see you and all, but we really don't have time for reunions here and now, let's get moving. Can you get us to the old cells?"

He looks from a confused Carter to me and back, and then nods to himself as if he knows exactly what's going on. Knowing him he probably does but even if not I don't plan to give him a brief synopsis explaining my actions, not now or ever. 'Sorry about my abruptness Danny, but you see I'm a raging Neanderthal with designs on Sam and why can't all you other guys just keep your damn grubby hands off of her? Oh and yeah if you ever interrupt us like that again I'll...' Nah...I really can't see myself saying that.

"Okay uh...hi Jack, nice to see you. The old cells are this way"

Daniel starts off in one direction, and Carter and I rush after him, only to slam into his back when he stops suddenly and swings around to face another smaller corridor that curves away to the right. I growl under my breath as my chest connects with his back, and Carter squeezes my fingers. Daniel doesn't even notice my behaviour and he simply pauses for a moment then starts down that corridor instead. Carter and I look at each other, then we both shrug and follow him.

I can't help it, I'm all on edge. It's not fair! I almost had her, we almost...

"Daniel, are you sure you know where you're going here?"

He pauses and shoves his glasses back up his nose, then shifts the paper item from under one arm to another as he looks up and down. Carter comes up to my side and I resist the urge to put my arm around her and pull her close.

"Umm...well...I think it's this way Jack..."

"Well why don't you consult your little map there Daniel, wouldn't that help?"

He plucks the folded item from under his arm and looks at it confused, before shaking his head and turning to me. Carter takes a step forward and her hands go to her hips. Yeah she has the same feeling I have. Her expression is one of 'here's where Daniel tells us the catch', much the same as mine. We really do think alike. Not only do we read each others mind in battle and think alike in most situations like this, we even go to kiss each other at the same time. That's teamwork and knowing your team-mates huh?

"Uh...this is the history of this world and these people Jack...I left the map at the library..."

Oh Daniel, wrong answer...

"Let me get this straight Daniel, you left the map but you stole the book?"

"Uh...well I thought I should take the opportunity to study the people more, maybe understand what's going on here...and..."

I stop and slap my hands against my face, and I hear Sam's incredulous voice.

"But you said the map was an entire layout of this building Daniel, we might need it. We may have to go outside and we need the map to find the gateroom if we get lost"

"Uh, for one there is no outside Sam, this is it. The world outside is ruined, destroyed, this is the one city. But, we could get the map if you want..."

Sensing questions in the air I drag my hands from my face and turn to face them, and sure enough the two of them are looking right at me. Here's another situation I'm very familiar with. Daniel and Carter look at me in the way that means they both want to do something that I think is either dangerous, or a waste of time. Well this time it may well be both.

"Look, if Daniel can get us to the old cells we don't need the map!"

"But sir, Daniel said that the map had layouts and blueprints superimposed on it, it may be useful"

Great. Two pairs of big blue eyes looking at me in that way. Well, there's a certain pair of blue eyes that I just can't resist right at the moment, and as she cocks her head to entreat me my insides just turn to mush. Well, considering what we were doing not ten minutes ago they're pretty mushy already. Daniel glances from me to Sam, and I bet he's wondering just what is passing between us right now. I sigh and lower my head, and Sam reaches out to touch Daniel on the shoulder. Oh she knows she's won. Damn. She knows just how to get around me doesn't she? I wonder how long she's been doing that...

"Okay, how far is the library, and are we gonna have any problems getting in Daniel?"

"Uh, it's just down there behind us, and I don't think they lock the doors at night"

"You don't think?...well that's just...ah hell...let's go"

I sweep my arm and Daniel jogs ahead of me and around the corner, and as Sam goes to follow him I grab her upper arm and pull her against my chest. She lands against me with her hands flat against my shoulders and looks up into my eyes. I don't know why I just did that and I don't know what I'm going to do now. Reminding myself that this is neither the time nor the place to finish what we started or even talk about it, I simply smile, pat her shoulder and let her go. She steps back and looks at me curiously, then she turns on her heel and jogs down the darkened corridor after Daniel.

Way to handle that Jack. I'm sure if I had some branding equipment on me I'd have done that by now. Or maybe a leash and collar? Forget it. She's not yours and she won't ever be remember? Let's get out of here, I can apologise for kissing her when we get home...

I give the side of my head a thump with my hand and jog after my friends.




***************************************




Okay...this way...no, no...this way! I take a sharp left and come out into a larger corridor. The sound of footsteps ring out on the bare stone floor, and suddenly I'm hauled backwards into the shadows. Jack and Sam are hunched together in the shadow of a pale curved pillar. All I can see are their shining eyes and hear their breath as the pair of guards pass, trying their best to imitate the loud, arrogant strides of Jaffa. They make not a bad job of it, but you can tell their hearts aren't really in it. I suppose it must be hard for them, playing the parts of those they hate. A finger jabs into my back then, and as the guards pass an icy voice whispers in my ear.

"You never told us that the library was in guard central Danny boy"

"Well, the library, the uh, depository of a societies knowledge always tends to be in the centre of a city, or more specifically the bureaucratic area of a city, so as such..."

"You mean this is where all the head honcho's are? You brought us right into the lion's den so to speak?"

Jack's voice has risen a few notches, and even in the dim light I can see Sam's hand tighten on his shoulder in an effort to calm him. Jack's been snipping at me since we met up, but it's already clear to see that Sam is the one keeping him in control. Note for future reference while we're still on this planet, any requests I want to make of Jack I'll go through Sam first, get her on my side and he's sure to follow. He relaxes with her hand squeezing his shoulder, and I can't help but wonder what exactly has, if anything, happened between them. Later, I'll ask later, right now we have things to do.

"So, is that it over there?"

"Uh yes, those double doors, the one on the left should be open. The map is in a book on my table"

"Okay, let's move, but keep it quiet"

We move across the hall and thankfully the door is open. We push the heavy wood inwards and I creep quietly across the room and past the vast bookcases to my seat and small desk underneath the old window. I open the dusty tome and carefully extract the map and hand it to Sam. She tucks it in her jacket and stops to crane her neck up and have a good look around, her eyes taking in the vaulted gold roof and the panelled wood. Jack merely fidgets and looks eager to be gone.

"Wow...this is some library Daniel" She says, her eyes coming back to rest on me.

"I know, who knows what kind of information about the Goa'uld is kept here? I mean the people here were obviously forced to keep journals and books on the Goa'uld way of life, and these texts could give us valuable information that could help us to..."

A tapping on my shoulder stops me and I turn to face a very impatient looking Jack.

"Okay, I'll say this now and I'll say this once. I don't care what kind of 'valuable information' you could get here. We're prisoners, and we're currently in the process of trying to escape, we just don't have time for this Daniel. If this place is the...the bureaucratic centre of this city or whatever, then it's probably going to be swarming with guards and official type people, so we do not want to hang about in here, okay?"

"Uh, well actually Jack, I don't think we're likely to be discovered"

Jack just straightens and screws up his face, scratching at his stubbled jaw, but Sam takes a step closer and looks at me curiously.

"Daniel, what are you not telling us? You know something don't you?"

"Well I've been reading about the history of this planet for the last month" I take a second to glare at a sighing Jack, and when Sam does the same he flings his arms up, then makes some impatient hand signals for me to continue.

"This place by rights should be teeming with people, but besides the guards, I've only seen a small group of other people, and they were fairly old. Jack, to be honest I don't think there are a great deal of people here, guards yes, but beyond that I have no idea where the population is. Maybe they live off-world or in another city, but..."

"Okay okay...so we don't need to panic too much, good. Daniel, do you know where we 're going?"

Jack glares at me with his hands on his hips, and Sam gravitates closer to him. The closer she gets the more she seems to relax, and I feel a little like an outsider seeing this new...bond...or whatever it is between them. I guess I should be happy that he's letting me even talk to Sam if he's all pumped up on hormones, and to be honest I really don't intend to push things where that is concerned. I remember another time with another jealous Jack, and I still wince sometimes where he gets angry with me. He taps his foot impatiently and I take a last look around the library at all the knowledge undoubtedly headed for the incinerator. Letting a long sigh escape I move over to the others and step up to the door, Jack hot on my heels. I slip out into the corridor and head left.

"This way"




***************************************




"Uh...fourth door? is that right?"

"Yes sir...that one there...just do what I showed you"

I turn back to the panel in front of me and grit my teeth. The click of the door opening down the hall reaches me, and I hear Sam whispering as she leans into the now open doorway, and a sleepy Rosay finally emerges. I lean down to activate the sequence Sam taught me, and once again I find myself hesitating. Inside this room Alith and Reebo are waiting for us to come let them out, and I just don't want to. Maybe I could let Alith out then accidentally shut the door in Reebin's face, but I don't think Sam would approve. And quite frankly I really don't want to do anything else to upset her right now. I press my little piece of metal against the sockets in the right order and the door slides open. I peer in through the gloom and a figure walks out, shielding his face from the light.

"Sam? Is that you?"

I stick my head right in his face and give him a huge grin.

"'Fraid not Reebo, just me. Now I know I ain't half as pretty as Carter, but I get just as impatient when people are late, so let's get moving huh?"

He glares at me for a second then walks out into the corridor, and Alith timidly follows him. I smile to reassure her, and she rushes over to Carter's side. Carter who is currently in the arms of Reebo...why that little...

"Uh...Jack?"

"What?" I whisper harshly, and Daniel's eyebrows jump at my vehement reaction. He pats my shoulder and smiles a little, though staying out of reach.

"Just take it easy huh? And let's get out of here"

Looks like he's well aware of what's going on here. He always did tease me about my protectiveness of Carter. The others move back along the corridor and I join them and fall into step by elbowing my way between Carter and Reebo. We walk to the edge of the corridor that marks the border of my knowledge of the layout here, and I turn expectantly to Reebo who stands eyeing me darkly. Here's where you earn your keep Reebo, and I hope you know that this is only damn reason I'm keeping you around. I wish it was Sam's only reason for wanting him to come with us.

"So, after you Reebo..."

God I hate him...




***************************************




I think all my brothers are dead.

I have been here for many years, and for much of it I was vaguely aware of the presence of my bothers through a drugged haze. But I think they are gone. It has been a long time since I have been aware of them, and I always thought that maybe they had finally found the right drugs to subdue me and control me, but I'm afraid it's more likely that my brothers were given the wrong drugs, and they paid.

I think they are dead.

I feel no emotion with this realisation, and in truth all I really feel is a measure of relief. Relief that I will never again have to be part of that which I was, and relief that none of them have survived to hear me speak thus. Let's just say that they would not be best pleased. But do not fear my brothers, my selfishness is most definitely intact! The first remotely appealing body that comes my way will be my new host, and we shall leave this awful place, and go somewhere else, somewhere better. Someplace quiet where I can have a simple life, and some peace. Huh...a simple life. I'm not even sure what that is. My life so far has been anything but simple. Maybe in some small way I can make up for what I've done, what my ancestors have done. I can still feel them, still feel their memories in me, but with each new day they fade a little more, and a small part of me absently wonders if the people of this planet have indeed achieved what they set out to do in me.

Have they indeed created a tame Goa'uld? Is that what I am? Is this not my choice, not the final product of years of torment and thought on my part? Maybe not, maybe they finally got their little chemicals right, maybe they stripped me of all the things that made me what I was. They weren't content just to kill us you see, or to send us away, oh no, they wanted more. They wanted revenge and they wanted power, and ultimately they wanted control. Control of their lives and their planet, and what would be a more ironic thing to do your captors, than make them captives? They only killed those of us they could not subdue, and the rest of us they kept. They admired us in a way I suppose, admired our powers and what we could do, and I dare say as they sat on the ruined spoils of their triumphant war that one of them had the smart idea to keep us around. But there was only one way to do that wasn't there? And for the most part it failed, at a very great cost. A very great cost. Still, they saved my life, such as it is, but I am still here.

Well...well then remind me to thank them if I ever meet one face to face again. A live one that is...




***************************************




"Shh! Get down!"

"For God's sake Reebin will you get your big head out of the light!"

I flinch at the Colonel's words and watch as Reebin pulls himself back into the shadows. The Colonel continues grumbling under his breath and I nudge him in the ribs to shut him up and give Reebin a comforting pat on the back. When I turn back to the Colonel he's looking at me with hurt eyes and I just sigh and move over to Daniel. So I stop the Colonel from being unnecessarily nasty to Reebin and he treats me like I'm the villain for taking his side. Great. The sooner we get out of here the better.

Reebin led us down a corridor flanked by pillars, and it seems to skirt around the outside of the area containing our cells. We finally moved after having a long argument about whether or not to release the other prisoners. We finally decided that we would have a better chance if we got out of here with a small group, then we could make plans to come back and free the others if necessary. These corridors look very Goa'uldish, and when I look at the map I can see the area that Daniel showed me, the area marked out by a roughly square shape. There are small outlying diagrams showing several floors above this, and though they are placed haphazardly on the map with lines and arrows showing where they belong, something about them is triggering some memories. Each layer above here is a rough square, and as the floors go up the size decreases. Decreasing sizes of squares, set on top of one another...oh...

"Sir?"

I feel the Colonel's warmth settle against me as he moves in the darkness, and a small shiver travels the length of my body, settling in my knees and making them go weak. Concentrate Sam, all that is over remember? He has no effect on me, he has no effect on me, he has no effect...

"What?" He whispers, the warm breath wisping around my ear. Daniel leans over too and the others listen, but the Colonel effectively blocks Reebin getting any closer by leaning against the pillar with an outstretched arm. I open the map enough for him to see, and indicate the area of cells we know so well.

"See this area sir, and then the floors above it, see how they are all square shaped and the squares get smaller? The area we are in now is clearly different from the area of the old cells, and most of the rest of this complex has only one floor.

"I see that Carter, what does that tell us?"

He leans in closer as I point out some details on the complicated and almost indecipherable map and his other hand rests on my hip to balance him as he leans over my shoulder.

"Well, what do these corridors remind you of sir? Wouldn't you say they were very Goa'uldish, and not like the other areas?"

He peers over my shoulder, and I have to bite my lip at the burning pressure on my hip from his casual hand. He lurches forward suddenly, and removes his other hand from the pillar, and snakes it under my arm to trace an outline on the map.

"Squares on top of each other...wait a minute...is this a pyramid? A Goua'uld mothership?"

He looks at me over my shoulder, and he's wearing an expression I've never seen before. He's just figured something out for himself, and instead of looking smug, or casually confident which he normally does, his eyes plead for conformation, for...for praise. I smile as I face him, and he looks so happy to be right. He doesn't think that I believe for a minute he's as dumb as he sometimes pretends to be does he? We all know he's just pretending, and to tell a little truth I actually find it adorable. But...I really must stop thinking about this sort of thing...

"Exactly sir...this must be the ship that the Goa'uld arrived here on. The fact that they built a city around it might mean it crashed, or that it was too damaged to take off again"

"So...are you saying that maybe they didn't even mean to come here? That they had to land here?"

"It's possible sir, they may have been forced to land. Maybe they were being attacked or chased and had no other choice"

Daniel pushes his way over then, and the Colonel bristles a little behind me, but does nothing as Daniel leans into my other side and looks at the map.

"So, if they came here by accident or necessity, why didn't they leave again? The gate was obviously the gate on their ship, and they could have gone anywhere they wanted"

"Well, I guess they thought they had things pretty good here don't ya think Danny? They crash landed on a planet with a ready made work force, I guess they thought this was as good a place as any"

"You're probably right Jack. The fact that they only took slaves from quiet planets close by suggests that they were on the run from some other Goa'ulds"

"Well they got what they deserved Daniel..."

"And look what that did to the people, they've become as bad as them or even worse..."

"Sam! There are guards!"

Rosay nudges me with an annoyed expression, and we all huddle in the darkness and stay quiet as four guards walk past, lost in their own conversations. Once things fall quiet the Colonel looks around him, then sighs and settles back against my side. I flinch away from him a little when he gets too close, and he just keeps pressing against me. Please stop it sir...please...I elbow him in the ribs and he turns to me, startled, and at first he clearly has no idea why I'm annoyed. Then he looks into my eyes and he sees it. We shouldn't have kissed. It was...it was just one of those things that happen, under certain circumstances, and now he seems to think that I'm his personal property. Oh I excused his behaviour before, but we're almost home sir, please can you just give me a little space? Please? I close my eyes and bite my lip as he removes his heat from me, and walks away to examine the wall, and I can almost taste and feel his annoyance and disappointment with me. The pain he feels at my apparent rejection. It...it was just one of those things, and I will not allow the memory of his touch, his mouth, his smell, to stop me focusing on my job. And I cannot do that when he never leaves my side. Every slight touch of his, the warmth of his breath, even his gentle voice is driving me crazy. It seems I am not the professional soldier I should be under the circumstances. It's wrong, it's wrong to feel about him this way, it's so very wrong to...to love him. There...there I've said it. I've said it and admitted it to myself and I so wish I hadn't. Way to complicate the situation Sam, way to make things fifty times harder than they already are. I know he's not himself, I know he didn't mean to kiss me but now I have to show him it was wrong, and try and push him away, no matter how much it hurts me, or him...in the circumstances. I must say this is something I never, ever thought I'd have to do. I have to push him away when all I really want is to keep him close. No Sam, no. Even if he did want me it couldn't happen, and there are other men out there.

I spare a glance at Reebin who smiles at me warmly, and quickly turn away. I like Reebin , I really do, but...but...But what Sam? There is no 'but' remember? Reebin has never been anything other than nice to me, he respects me, and even though he has been as full of hormones as everyone else, he has remained curious and thoughtful, and has never once tried to even touch me. And the Colonel...well, he hasn't exactly been a saint...not that I can lay the blame for earlier squarely on his shoulders, I freely admit that I was equally...uh...to blame.

"I think we should move, it's not safe here" Says Rosay. Her auburn hair is tucked behind her ears, and her face looks set and rather unhappy. She's been anxious ever since we got out, and I can't say I blame her. Alith has been quiet, but her time with Reebin seems to have calmed her, and though her eyes are fearful, her chin is high and firm. Reebin is the only one of us who seems calm, and personally I feel much like Rosay. We're just not safe here. The sooner we get to the gateroom and get out of here the better.

"Yeah Rosay, I think you're right. Reebo?" Says Jack from where he's leaning against the wall.

"There should be a hatchway around the corner. There are large ventilation tunnels that we can probably use to get out of these main corridors for a while"

We all turn to face the Colonel who's regarding Reebin while he scratches at his chin. He looks at each of us in turn, but only meets my eyes for a fraction of a second. Now he thinks I'm blaming him for the kiss. That's all I need, some resentment between us.

"Sir?" I ask, forcing him to look at me, and he sighs and waves his hand at Reebin.

"Let's go Reebo"

We run along another corridor staying to the shadows, and we eventually locate one of the hatches Reebin spoke of. They're very small. Very, very small. Reebin and Daniel pull the hatch from the wall revealing a two foot square gap, with some sharp looking edges,

"You expect us to fit in there Reebo?" The Colonel asks incredulously.

I kneel in front of it, and after sticking my head through I decide we'll all probably it through with a little pushing and pulling.

"Sir, we should fit, it'll be a little tight but..."

"Oh alright Carter, since the two of you are so chummy, you two take watch. Daniel get through there!" He pushes me aside and drags Daniel with him and shoves him down, helping him through with his boot. I just bite my lip and step out into the corridor with Reebin. I'm not going to do anything to annoy him further. I hate it when he's angry at me, I hate it.

It takes a while but eventually they all manage to squeeze through the gap. The Colonel with his big frame proved the tightest fit, but eventually with pushing and pulling he went through. For once I'm glad Teal'c isn't here, he would never have fit. The Colonel sticks his head out and signals us over, but suddenly the air is filled with the sounds of marching guards, many marching guards. All of a sudden the guards seem on top of us, and I'm caught out in the light. They're coming from both directions, and there is no way we have enough time to squeeze through that gap, it's right out in the open and we'll get caught! The Colonel is holding his hand out for me as Reebin and I stand startled in the light with the sound of footsteps advancing.

"Sam! Take my hand! Come on Sam we can make it!"

I don't have time, I'll never make it through without the guards seeing me. I glance at Reebin and he's looking along the corridor at right angles to this one, and it appears to have several other corridors branching of it.

"Sam..." Reebin says, and I know I only have one choice. I take the map from my jacket and throw it at the Colonel, then with Reebin hauling on my sleeve I whisper at the Colonel before we turn and make a run for it.

"We'll meet you at the gateroom, go sir!"

I backpedal down the other corridor as Reebin pulls me with him, and as I finally turn to run, I'm left with an image in my mind. The Colonel with the map clutched to his chest with one hand, and the other hand outstretched towards me. Daniel reached forward and pulled him into hiding at the last minute, but all I can see in my mind are the Colonel's eyes. They looked so fearful, so sad, and in a way betrayed. Reebin darts left and I follow him, and as we run for seemingly ages the light levels get lower and lower as we head off into little used areas, and finally the footsteps behind us cease. We made it. We pause and lean against the wall to catch our breath, and when Reebin touches me on the shoulder and I turn to face him.

"Are you okay Sam?"

"Yes Reebin, I'm fine..."




**************************************




Damn damn damn! It's all going wrong!

This should never have happened, we should never have been split up like this! Never! I should have made Sam go through first, and I would have if I hadn't been so angry at her. Angry with no reason. I kissed her, it's my fault, and when she gives me a little wakeup call and reminds me of the boundaries I go and sulk and take it out on her. Way to be a good friend and CO Jack, nicely done, and now she's out there somewhere...with him...

"Jack...come on Jack, they're right behind us!"

I feel a hand clutching at my shoulder but all I want is to go after Sam. We crawled along the ventilation shaft for a bit until we arrived at what looks like the main corridor in this place. It's very wide and flanked with handy pillars and baffles, and it's the one piece of Goa'uld architecture I appreciate. So now we're in this corridor, and trying our best to stay out of sight while Daniel consults the map and tries to get us to the room Reebin identified as the gateroom. I'm standing fretting at the panel waiting for them to follow us, and after another fifteen minutes I'm beginning to seriously worry.

"Dammit Daniel we can't leave her!"

"Jack, Sam has a clear route to the gate, with any luck she'll be there by the time we lose these guards, but if we don't move now we won't get anywhere!"

I turn at Daniel's angry words, and he stares me down, eyes boring into me, and I have to grudgingly admit that he's right. Besides, they're gonna be running too, so I doubt that Reebin will have any time to salivate all over Sam.

"Alright...but if he so much as..."

"Jack...it'll be okay...let's go..."

He pats my shoulder, and pulls me gently upright. He tries to give me a smile but I push past him and stomp down the hallway, not caring how many guards hear me. Let them come, let them come and I'll tear them all apart. I hear Daniel come after me and I increase my pace to keep him behind.

The sooner we get home the sooner I'll get Sam away from Reebin




***************************************




"So, do we back track to the route you know, or do we head in the same direction from here? I got a good look at the map but I'm not sure which corridor to take if we go that way"

I indicate back over my shoulder, and after a moments silence I look up to find Reebin watching me very closely. I blush a little and look away, and his fingers find mine as we stand at a dim intersection, trying to get our bearings. I feel my heart speed a little, and I stop the smile on my lips from forming as soon as I realise what I'm doing. I just pushed the Colonel away and now I've gone all girly and am blushing at Reebin? Some soldier I am...

"Sam...I like you very much"

Oh gosh, what does a girl say to that. I can feel my cheeks go red, and when I look back at Reebin his green eyes are wide open, and I find myself fascinated by the brown flecks within.

"Reebin...we really should be going..."

"This way, but Sam...can I ask you something?"

I'd really rather say no, but something makes me say yes.

"I'm glad you're away from Jack, I was worried about you being locked up with him..."

I shake my head and move away.

"Reebin...listen..."

"I didn't want you to be left alone with him Sam, I didn't trust him with you"

"Reebin, it's okay, it was fine, really..."

Dark green eyes bore into me, and he takes a hold of my head so I cannot look away.

"Did he touch you Sam?"

"Reebin! I...no...no he didn't"

I wrench my head from his and he lets me go. I feel a strange mix of anger and disappointment, and I don't know which feeling is for which situation. Yes we kissed, but I can't blame that on the Colonel, I just cannot, no matter how much I'd like to. I was as much to blame as he was if not more. I kissed him just as much as he kissed me, but I know, I know deep down that if I'd told him to stop he would have, he would have. So strictly yes, he did touch me, and if Daniel hadn't interrupted then I don't know what would have happened, but I know that one or both of us would have stopped it. We would never have let that happen between us. I...I don't want that...I...

"I can understand what he was feeling Sam, but I cannot ever forgive him if he tried to force you. Alith and I both consented in what we did, and I would certainly never have forced her..."

What? WHAT? Reebin and Alith...they slept together? He slept with her? All this time he's been frothing at the mouth over every unprofessional look Jack has given me and he's been sleeping with Alith? I...I can't believe...I can't believe he's just told me this...I stare incredulously at him as he continues, seemingly not noticing my change in expression.

"I have no feelings for Alith Sam, you must understand that it was merely circumstance that brought us together, and I just wanted to make sure Jack did not attempt to force you or..."

He stops speaking suddenly as I slap him. His head snaps around and his hand goes to his now reddened face. I'm as shocked as him, and though I'd like to think I slapped him for what he did with Alith, I think I did it because he slurred the Colonel.

"Well obviously the Colonel has more restraint than you, how dare you do that to Alith?"

All this time with his 'holier than thou' act, all that glaring at Jack when he couldn't stop touching me, and I thought it was because he cared about me, because he was afraid for me. Well, I see now that it was all out of jealousy, just like the Colonel. I can't believe I was holding Reebin up in my head as a shining example of how a man should behave, and all this time he was...with Alith...Well Reebin, you were all talk weren't you?

"Sam...please...it..." He begs as he rubs at his face...

"Reebin, if you hurt Alith I swear..."

"Sam you saw her, she is fine. I...I never meant to...and I certainly did not hurt her. It was a mutual choice Sam, but believe me that all those times meant nothing to us..."

All those times? Keep digging that hole Reebin...I just can't believe he did that. Colonel, I am so sorry if I thought for even one minute that your behaviour was unbefitting. I see now that the restraint you employed under the circumstances was admirable. I mean, it doesn't matter why he didn't try anything, just that he didn't. I know he was affected, strong he may be but there was no denying that the hormones were certainly having an effect, but he didn't give in to them. That one time we kissed was down to both of us, and though he may have been giving in then, I know that was not the reason I kissed him. No, I kissed him because I wanted to, because I've always wanted to. Right or wrong it's the truth and it's about time I really admitted it. I'd like to think that's why he kissed me, and although I know it could simply be down to the hormones, would he really have kissed me like that if it was? That was no kiss from a desperate drugged up man. I have never, ever been kissed like that in my life, and in any other situation I would have said that he wanted to kiss me for its own sake, and not for what might have come after. I shouldn't have given the Colonel a hard time, he really didn't deserve it. What if he's being close because he really does want to? What if he's trying to show me that he meant the kiss, and that he hopes for more as I do? Okay Sam, getting into the region of make believe now, but at least Reebin's admission has brought me back down to earth concerning him. He's not the perfect man I may have been deluding myself he was, he's just a man, like the Colonel. The only thing I have the right to be angry about with Reebin is if he forced or hurt Alith, and she told me herself that he was the perfect gentleman, and I also have no right to be angry with the Colonel.

So, now it appears they are on equal footing. For God's sake Sam, are you going to write up a pros and cons list? No, this is neither the time nor the place to think about my feelings or lack of feelings for either man. Now is simply the time to get home. When I finally stop arguing with myself and turn to Reebin he's watching me quietly, waiting for my reaction.

"I'm sorry I hit you Reebin, I had no right"

"No...you were...worried about Alith, but I promise you I never treated her badly and it never meant anything. I did not mean to upset you Sam. But...you do promise me that Jack did not..."

"Reebin, the Colonel behaved like a gentleman" I smile as I talk but I am totally unprepared for the dark look he gives me.

"I do not believe you..."

"Reebin, I'm telling you the truth..."

"I don't trust him Sam...and I don't know why you put up with him..." Why I put up with him? He's my CO and I don't have any choice, that's why. And hell even if I and the choice I wouldn't go anywhere, I love being in SG1, and I love being his 2IC"

"Sam...do you have feelings for him? Is that why you're defending him?" He asks, his hand gripping my arm tightly.

"Uh...Reebin...he's my commanding officer...and my friend..."

His hand tightens as he leans in and I have to pull it from his grasp as he leans in menacingly. I can't believe he just asked me that...I just can't believe it...

"And?..."

"And nothing Reebin, now let go!"

He drops my arm and steps back, then looks in horror down at his own fingers.

"Sam...I am so sorry Sam, forgive me...the chemicals in the food...I am sorry I cannot help my jealousy...please...forgive me?"

How can I not forgive those eyes?

"It's okay Reebin...I understand...now which way?"

He nods quickly, then starts off down the left corridor, signalling me to follow him. Nice though Reebin is he really almost scared me there. I'm beginning to wish I was alone with the Colonel again...just because I know him better...that's all...




***************************************




"So you're sure that they're still alive somewhere"

"I am"

"Well, glad though I am Teal'c, it really doesn't help us find them, I don't know what you are expecting me to do"

"You must put their codes back into the computer, you must allow them to come home if they escape"

"Teal'c...you know I can't do that. Yes, they may still be alive and they may escape, but it's just as possible that whoever their captors are may extract those codes from SG1 and use them to launch an assault on us!"

"Would they not have done that already if that is what their captors intended General Hammond?"

"Well maybe Teal'c, but I can't rely on that. Briefing dismissed"

With that SG9 rise from their seats and leave, and Teal'c slowly rises from his to follow. I watch as they leave one by one, and as Teal'c approaches the door something in me softens and I call him back.

"Teal'c...a moment please..."

"General?"

"Look Teal'c, I want SG1 back as much as you do, but I'm sure wherever they are that they have not given up..."

"Like we have"

"No Teal'c, I haven't given up on them either, but there are rules and procedure to follow Teal'c, and the safety of this base must come first"

"I...understand"

"But...I will tell you this, and it will go no further than this room. There is one code left that they may try Teal'c, one code that I entrusted to Colonel O'Neill just recently in the event of SG1 becoming trapped for a long period of time. If they are still fighting out there and they do escape, then they still have a way home son"

Teal'c watches my face steadily, then nods once and leaves. I hope that offers him a small measure of relief, because it sure as hell does that for me. It at least reassures me that I haven't written them off...

...because I never will.




**************************************




"Where are they?..."

"Take it easy Jack..."

"Will you quit saying that? She could be anywhere out there, we don't know what the hell's happening!"

Oh great...he's gone beyond fidgeting now, and his fingers are pulling paint from the pillar he's clutching, and I'm sure they'd much rather be around a certain someone's neck right now.

"Jack, I'm sure Reebin's making sure she's okay"

Oops.

I can feel the black stare before I turn my head, and when I do he advances on me, and one hand clamps on my shoulder like a vice. I take a step back and he follows me, eyes black, brows low. I glance to the side but the others are all huddled facing the other way.

"Jack..." I warn, but his eyes tell me he's already gone. I flinch and squirm as he pins me against the wall, and this situation has got way out of control way too fast. He leans in close, eyes narrowed, and I squeeze mine shut and lean away, my brain searching for something, anything to convince him things will be okay.

"Jack...look...I'm sure that she has no interest in..."

Suddenly there are the echoing sounds of running footsteps, and our small group squash ourselves against the wall, and I can almost hear Jack's heart thumping beside me. Please don't do anything stupid Jack, that won't get Sam back. The steps come towards us, and Jack tenses, but just as I'm about to pull him back he jerks more upright, and I realise these footsteps sound different, not loud and echoing like the Jaffa we've come to know. Jack hears the difference too, and he grips my shoulder tightly in one hand and leans as far out as he can to get a glimpse of these people. I try to caution him, but then two figures come racing around the corner, and Jack flies out and practically collides with the first figure.

"Sam!" He yells, and after she does a double take and realises he's not a guard, she continues running and practically flings herself into his arms with wild abandon. He wraps his arms around her for a brief second and her momentum makes him swing her around 360 degrees before placing her back on the ground and pulling her back into the shadows with the rest of us. I have to turn away to hide my grin at their reunion, and I turn my attention to the recently arrived Reebin when both Sam and Jack realise what their actions must have looked like, and clear their throats and move away from each other.

"Reebin, are you okay?" I whisper to the man who's hanging by my shoulder. He nods grimly then turns to glare at Sam and Jack who are briefing each other. Oh...bit of a dirty look from Reebin there, I almost get the feeling that Jack may be right. Great...some jealousy in our little party we do not need.

"Are you okay Sam?"

"I'm fine sir, is the gate in there?" She asks, pointing to the large double doors behind us, and Jack nods eagerly as he looks briefly around for Reebin, stopping only to give a short grimace as he spies him by my side.

"Uh, according to the map and Reebo's directions it should be the gateroom, but we thought we'd wait for the stragglers" He smiles warmly at her, and she grins. Well, this is it. We check the corridor for guards, and carefully push open the door.




**************************************




"Uh...I don't see a gate anywhere Reebo...you sure ya know what we're talking about here?" I turn to smirk at him, and he takes a step towards me with a funny look in his eye before Carter steps in between us. The room is small and square, and blinking machinery and readouts line the walls and reflect off Carter's wide eyes as she takes in the room. There is also a rack of small cupboards, and Rosay eagerly searches them for anything interesting. She pulls something lumpy out and turns around, holding it up for us all to see.

"What is this thing?" She asks, and sitting extended and the right way up in her hand is a zat gun. Some firepower at last, now I feel so much better! Sam goes across and pushes the weapon down in case Rosay accidentally discharges it, and then she fishes around in the boxes and produces one for us all.

"They're zat guns, weapons. You operate it like this Rosay. One shot stuns, two kills, and the third disintegrates"

She hands me my weapon with a grin and I pop it open and shut then tuck it in my waist band. Reebin is holding his curiously in his hand, and as I watch he lifts his head to look at me through slitted lids. Don't get any ideas now, I'm only letting you have one so you don't feel left out. Untrusted yes, left out no. I take a glance at Sam who's sprawled over the control panels, and I hope he realises that she's the only reason I'm tolerating him and letting him stay in our little group. She seems to have forgotten her mood of earlier, and is also ignoring our mutual friend. Maybe this little jaunt apart has does us some good, and shown her who's the best around here. Work Jack, not play...yeah but you know what they say about Jack's and too much work...

"Carter? Is the gate through there?"

"Well, according to the map, most of the power lines converge here, so I'd say it was a good bet that the next room is someplace important"

"Can you get us through that door?"

"Yes sir, but there's a problem. As soon as we open this door this place is going to be hot. There's a million different alarms and warning systems on these panels, and. frankly I doubt we'd have the time to dial out before dozens of guards were on top of us. As soon as I start working on this they'll know"

Damn not good. I hate this 'so near yet so far' business. Oh yeah, note to self about that very same subject, give Danny some lessons on timing and privacy when we get back home. Well we need to get home first Jack, remember?

"Okay...anyway we can distract them somehow? Any ideas Carter?"

"Uh...oh...actually sir there is one thing. Apparently from here I can access the master control for all the cells"

"And what? Let all the prisoners out, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes sir, from what we've seen the guards have never directly killed anyone, they usually just knock them out or zat them, and it would give us the perfect cover"

"Do it"

She leans over and punches in the codes, and there's the loud sound of machinery doing something somewhere, and suddenly klaxons sound from near and far and the room is bathed in a red light. She turns to look at me and I nod my head at her to open the door. This is it, time to move.

I turn to find Reebo looking at me from where he stands by some storage barrels, and I smile and stuff my hands in my pockets as I give in to the urge to rib him one last time before we gate home.

"You sure the gate's in there Reebo? I'd hate to think we were wasting our time breaking into the toilets or something..."

His eyes blacken as he looks at me, and his chin lifts imperiously.

"I told you Jack...the gate is in there..."

He moves away then to study the wall, fingers fiddling with the zat gun at his belt and suddenly I feel a little shiver go up my spine. Wait a minute...how the hell does he know all this stuff in the first place? I mean this guy turns up in the hall when I'm unconscious, and makes friends with Carter and the others and just conveniently knows the way out of here? Something doesn't quite add up does it? For all we know this whole damn thing could be a set up, the damn guy could be a mole, and we've been set up to take him home.

I should have known...I should have known there was something more to my mistrust of Reebo than my jealousy of his closeness with Sam. I should have trusted my instincts. Well, it's time to correct my mistake. I pull myself upright and slowly turn towards the pillar. I have a sarcastic comment ready on my lips and a zat in my hand as I slowly move myself around.

"Carter, stop what you're doing, we're not going home"

"Sir?"

"I think we all need to have a little talk. I get the distinct feeling that one of us isn't quite the perfect little innocent friendly prisoner they've been making out they are"

Sam talks some steps closer to me, and I stare steadily at her and Daniel, making sure my eyes don't slip over to Reebo. I'm just about to open my mouth and make my suspicions known when I pause instead at the sound of Reebin's voice grating my name from behind clenched teeth to my left.

"Jack..."

I turn slowly intending to give him an innocent raised eyebrow, but when I complete my circle and see him he's leaning over a large storage barrel propped up on his elbows, his green eyes slitted with what I can only call hatred...

...and his zat gun is pointed right at my chest.




**************************************




I pause and raise my free hand at Reebin in an attempt to stall him, but his zat points unwaveringly at me, and his eyes are hard, and my zat is tucked into the back of my pants, out of reach. No way I can get it without attracting a hell of a lot of unwanted attention.

Oh shit.

I knew it, I knew he was a little snake in the grass, and as far as we know he could well be an actual snake. I knew I should never have trusted him or put up with him. I'm just trying to form some words on my lips, trying desperately to think of anything that will persuade him to stop, or stall him, but I can't, and it's too late, and he's made up his mind.

The zat in his hand discharges once, twice, and both shots go wide over my shoulder as I leap out of the way, and suddenly I fall writhing to the ground as another blast hits me square in the back from behind. Energy whips through me, muddling my nervous system, and making all my pain neurones fire at once, my muscles spasming. Getting hit by a zat blast is not something I think I could ever get used to, and will certainly never enjoy. Sam is at my side in a flash, and she holds me down firmly, and when I am finally in control of myself I look up, and see that Sam and the others, including Reebin, are staring at something by the far wall. I struggle to sit up and Sam tucks her hands under my armpits and drags me upright. And that's when I see it, my attacker and would be killer...

Rosay.

"What the...?" I start, as my confused body and brain comes slowly and unwillingly back under my control. I fumble for my zat but Rosay's arm swings toward me, bringing her weapon to bare on me once more.

"Quiet Tau'ri, or I will give you a second shot here and now!"

For a second I expected her voice to come out deep and resonant, but no, no snake to blame this on, no glowing eyes or sneaky symbiote, just her. Rosay...I can't believe it, and judging by Sam's face neither can she. I flick my glance to Reebo, and his zat is extended and pointed straight at Rosay, and her arm swings back and forth between me and him. She suddenly screams at him to put the weapon down, and when he doesn't she zats him, once, and as he falls back against Daniel the zat drops from his hand and slides away on the floor. Both Daniel's and Sam's zats lie on the panel next to where Rosay is standing, and there's only one other...mine...I don't believe it...the little weasel just saved my life. If he hadn't fired at Rosay, albeit badly, then I would have been dead. As it was the shots going past my shoulder were for her, and though the aim was lousy, they distracted her enough so that she only got one shot off at me, and gave me enough warning to leap clear.

"Rosay? What is this all about? Look...I'm sure we can..." Asks Sam from behind me, and I crush her fingers in my hand in warning. Something tells me talking her out of it ain't gonna work...

"Be quiet Sam, I have no wish to shoot you, but if you do not be quiet and tell me the address of your planet then I will kill you"

The address of our planet? Rosay is a spy, she's a damn mole and all this time I never noticed a damn thing. I was always a little dubious about Alith cause she was so quiet, but Rosay was always so involved...well of course she was Jack you idiot. She played us all for fools and she almost had us right where she wanted us. I doubt she would have actually let us through he gate but she would have had enough time to see the address and get the code from me. And only my suspicions of Reebin brought out the mole...she...she obviously thought I was talking about her. Her zat swings across us all again, and I can tell by the sweat on her face that she wasn't quite ready for this eventuality at all. No doubt she would have called in the guards as soon as we got near to getting home...except...she must have some way to contact them...I hear another voice then, and I grit my teeth.

"Uh...listen...uh...Rosay...why are you doing this?"

Daniel takes a step forward, with his hands held together in front of him and wearing his best diplomatic face. Reebin having recovered decides to follow him, and he eyes his zat where it lies out of reach on the floor. Alith just stands there, and I can tell she's completely shocked. I'll say one thing Rosay, you're damn good,

"Quiet Daniel! And you Reebin, stay where you are!" Reebin glances again at the zat, then decides to confront Rosay.

"Why are you doing this Rosay? Why are you siding with our captors? What did they offer you?"

She stares blankly at Reebin, and I carefully ease to my feet standing in front of Sam, making sure I offer her a clear view of the zat showing from under my jacket. She squeezes my fingers to let me know she sees, and Daniel takes another step forward. That's right Danny, distract her, keep her talking...

"She's not siding with them Reebin, she is one of them, aren't you?"

What? One of them? Daniel...I hope you know where you're going with this. Rosay chooses to say nothing, but her eyes are fixed on Daniel., and she raises her chin as she speaks.

"I am an descendant of the original denizens of this planet. My Great, Great Grandfather was killed as a child when the bastard Goa'uld invaded our world"

"Uh yeah, I've already read your propaganda..."

"Daniel..." I warn, but he doesn't even acknowledge my words. Rosay's eyes turn dark, and her eyes no longer flick to Reebin as often. Well, okay Daniel, you keep at it, maybe all that reading is actually gonna serve us for once. I jut hope Reebin doesn't go all heroic on me and try and take Rosay down himself, we've already seen that he's a terrible shot, and I doubt he's much better at the hand to hand stuff. Meanwhile I press back against Sam, entwining her fingers with mine, and moving in front of her. I want it to look like I'm protecting her, which, if I'm entirely truthful I guess I am, but at the same time I feel the fingers of her other hand move ever so slowly against my back, and millimetre by millimetre move up under my jacket towards my zat. Once she gets it, and an opportunity presents itself, I'll signal her, duck and roll, and she can take Rosay down.

"It is not 'propaganda' as you call it, it is the truth, and my family lived it! The Goa'uld enslaved my people, and those they could not enslave they killed! And my ancestors gave their lives to get rid of them! You have no idea how hard they fought!"

"I think I have a fair idea, your people are not the only ones fighting this battle Rosay..."

Her zat flies back to me, and Daniel glares at me for opening my mouth. Well what's he gonna do? Listen to her? Let her give her side of the story? Okay, so maybe he's doing the old counter-terrorist strategy of sympathising with her, but I don't think it's gonna work. Sam squeezes my fingers tighter, and I give Danny an almost imperceptible nod for him to carry on. Rosay grits her teeth, her eyes shining, and starts to shout at Daniel again. I think she's finding it easier shouting at him because she doesn't know him, and whenever she talks to me or Sam her voice raises a few notches, and her arm starts to quiver. Okay, maybe I should leave this to Daniel, otherwise she might just snap and shot one of us. I'll give him two minutes, and if he makes no headway, she goes down. Well, at least Rosay certainly seems eager to talk.

"We defeated them! It is written in the annals of my ancestors after the final day of their victory! 'And we rose up against them, and they saw our rage and pain, and we broke them down with it!'"

Woah. She really believes that, when she spoke that line it felt line it really came down through history, each words weighted with blood and pain. I mean I understand, I do. Daniel told us a little about what he'd learned, and it sure wasn't pretty. I was so pissed at these people, and what they were doing, but when he really pushed me on it, I couldn't say for sure that I'd be certain that under those circumstances, the same wouldn't happen to us. How could I?

"And then you took their place, didn't you?" Daniel says quietly and firmly, his face set, his voice cutting across Rosay's tirade. Her other arm which had been pointing to the heavens drops by her side, and she just stares at him aghast. I think you just took a hell of a step past 'conversation' Daniel.

"They left us with nothing...they destroyed out world...we had nothing left!"

"You had a choice! There's always a choice!"

"No, they left us with only one thing..."

"Revenge?"

"No, they left us hope, and what is life without hope? And if you have hope you must be prepared to fight for what you hope for"

Huh. That actually makes me look at her. That's the first thing she's said that I actually agree with. Sometimes hope IS all we have, and if it's something you want, maybe something you can't live without then yeah, yeah ya gotta fight for it. If your not prepared to fight for it then it can't be worth having in the first place can it Daniel keeps talking to her, but for some reason her words about hope and fighting for it are going round and round in my head and I gulp, trying not to think about Carter standing behind me. Are wishes and hope the same thing? Are they?

"Rosay, you're people freed themselves from slavery by the Goa'uld, and that is truly commendable, we have only recently started to oppose them, but we do understand something of what you went through. You won Rosay, you won..."

"Yes, we won, and we will not let anyone else control us ever again!"

Okay, much though I'm trying to concentrate on Rosay's words and state of mind, and also look as inconspicuous as possible, it's rather difficult with Carter's finger's sliding ever-so-slowly across my bare back. Her fingertips are burning me where they meet my skin, and her other hand trembling in mine really isn't helping. She's trying to make it look like her hand is resting on my back in some sort of moral support, so she must go slowly, bringing her hand back towards her and up my jacket and T-shirt to reach the zat at the same time. I wish I had my T-shirt tucked in so she wouldn't have to touch my bare skin, and I wish I hadn't jammed the damn weapon so far down my pants for safety. She's gonna have to really get her fingers down there and around the handle to get it out and ready as quick as possible. Well, at least I can give thanks for one thing, at least it's not down the front of my pants. Mind you, maybe this time she'd believe my lie about my sidearm...

"But, but don't you see you're doing the same thing the Goa'uld did? Don't you see you're simply replacing them?"

"We are no longer slaves, hosts, and never again will we fall to the Goa'uld. We have made ourselves anew Daniel...we have made ourselves anew!"

"All you've done is remade yourself in their image"

"NO!...we are better than them, we have taken control of ourselves...we..."

"Rosay, in doing to others what they did to you, you are worse than them, you now stand for everything you profess to have hated about them, don't you see that it's..."

"And we rose up against them, and they saw our rage and pain, and we broke them down with it!"

"Rosay..."

"And we rose up against them, and they saw our rage and pain, and we broke them down with it!"

This is it, her arm is shaking now, and as she starts to recite this line over and over again at Daniel, ignoring his words, and her voice starts to crack and falter, the words repeated like some sort of desperate mantra. I squeeze Carter's fingers, and while Rosay's attention is elsewhere she digs down and firmly grasps the zat in her hand, then carefully eases it upwards. I have to suck in a breath as her actions pull my pants tight, and then finally with what I hope isn't an audible 'pop' it comes free. I take a fresh grip on Carter's hand, and ready myself. I feel her tense behind me, and Reebo's eyes then find mine. He obviuosly knows what we're up to, and I give him a quick glare which he thankfully seems to understand. He gives me an almost imperceptible nod then looks away.

"Rosay, you don't need to do this, your people don't nee to do this, we can help you, you can be free..."

"We ARE free!" She screams suddenly, eyes bulging and her whole body trembling. "We rose up against them, and they saw our rage and pain, and we broke them down with it!"

Daniel's face changes then, and he seems to realise that there's just no getting through to her. She's lost it, and if we don't take her down soon she'll kill us. Suddenly she swings her arm about, looking for someone to hit, and I give Carter's hand a quick double squeeze. I drop suddenly to my knees, wincing at the old familiar joint pain, but Rosay seems somehow ready for this move, and she neatly side-steps Carter's zat blast and fires. I move sideways and look over my shoulder in fear, and Sam has also leaped out of the way. Several more blasts follow and everyone leaps behind objects as the blasts continue. Sam presses my zat back into my hand and I lean out, but suddenly sparks fill the air as one of Rosay's blasts hits some wires or circuits or something and the place suddenly explodes with light, debris tumbling down. Blue lighting sparks through the walls, seemingly gaining energy, and everyone leaps away from it. The energy seems to culminate as it reaches a large drum shaped object in the wall, and a frenzied humming starts. I crane my head over a barrel to have a look but Sam pushes me down just in time as the large what-ever-it-was explodes, briefly deafening me. Everything seems to settle then, and I look out to find Rosay struggling under what was probably a large piece of roof. It seems to have hooked into her loose woollen jacket.

"Don't move!" I yell, but she simply glares and sends another zat blast my way. The acrid smoke starts to clear and people move out from behind their protection. I push out from behind my cover and go to bring her down. If I can just move fast enough I can knock her over and get that damn zat out of her hand before she can cause any more damage or hurt anyone. Carter follows me and when Rosay sees us she struggles and slips out of her jacket and bolts for the door. Sam fires another couple of shots but she quickly punches the door button and slips out it and is gone. I go after her, but when I look out she's no where to be seen. No doubt using her knowledge of this place to make herself scarce as soon as damn possible. Damn.

"She's gone, she's outta here!" I say, flinging my hands in the air as I stride back into the room.

"She left her...oh....hey Sam...look!"

I turn to face Daniel and he's pulling something black and squat from one of the pockets in Rosay's abandoned jacket. Sam rushes over and scoops the item from Daniel's hands, then carefully turns it over and probes it with an outstretched finger.

"Carter?"

"Uh...basically I think it's a radio sir...and...a transmitter" She looks up at me as she says her last words, eyebrows raised, and I get her meaning instantly.

"Well, for once something goes right. We have a transmitter, and that means we can go home. Plus Rosay can't call any buddies in on us, so hopefully we have a little time"

"But Jack, surely all our codes will be locked out by now, uh...the iris will be closed"

Reebin just watches, baffled by all our talk, and I feel smug at the teamwork, the old, familiar feeling of SG1 working together. I miss Teal'c though, damn but it'll be good to see him, and Hammond, and even the fresh and annoying face of Simmons peering down from the control room. No codes eh Danny? Well I have an ace up my sleeve.

"Well Danny, that's where you're wrong. There is one code left to use, and that's means we're going home."

"Sir?" Asks Carter, face crinkling as she looks at me. Ah I was gonna tell you Carter, I really was, as my 2IC you deserved to know, but we were imprisoned together and the situation just didn't warrant it.

"Yep, Hammond and I came up with a new set of emergency codes for cases like this, and uh...I kinda need your help for that Carter, we need some paper and a pen...and Daniel? Do you know what date it is?"

"Sam! Jack!"

We all turn then to look at Reebo, and he's cradling Alith's head in his hands. Oh shit. She's trembling and almost convulsing in his hands, and one half of her face and upper body is burned.

"Alith!"

Carter and Daniel rush over, and I carefully pick my way through the rubble to her side. Carter quickly assesses the situation and turns to give me an update.

"Sir...she's got bad burns and she's unconscious...she must have received the powered-up shock from the zat blast"

"Okay people, Daniel, can you help Reebo with Alith, Carter? I need you here"

Great, well things haven't exactly been turning out the way I planned.

We manage to sort out some materials and I sit with Carter and work out the code we need to send home. The General and I were working on something new, a code that depends on lots of things. The day we left, the members of our team, the planet we went to, all sorts of things, and all these numbers are then put in a certain order and subtracted down until we have the correct amount of numbers. It's complicated, well for me anyway, and I just hope I remember it right. That done, Carter gets back to the panel to get the door open. Finally this thing is starting to come together. She signals me that she's ready and Daniel and I take up positions by the door with our zats in case of any guards. I hear the beeps as Carter punches in some sort of code, and the door slides lazily into the wall. I tip my head around the corner, and there's the gate, and damn if it ain't the most beautiful...second most beautiful thing, I've seen so far on this planet. I give the all clear signal and Daniel rushes in, then I go back to help Reebin carry Alith. She seems to be fading fast.

"How is she?"

"Not good Jack, we must get help"

"Yeah well don't worry Reebo, we'll be home in a couple of minutes, no sweat"

I give Reebin a pat on the back, then together we gently manoeuvre Alith into the gateroom, and carefully place her with her back against the wall at a safe distance. Reebin squats down to tend to her, and I tuck my zat into my waistband and am about to turn to order Carter to dial home when she beats me to it and calls on me.

"Uh...Colonel?"

"What?" I ask as I spin to face her. Her face is set and serious, and I take a step towards her. She indicates the rest of the room with her head and I take a slow look.

"Sir...there's no DHD"

Well if that isn't all we need...




******************************




Oops.

I think things have taken a little turn for the worse around here.

Maybe I'm hallucinating, maybe they've started doing their experiments on me again, but I don't think so. I sense battle, and if there's one thing the Goa'uld are familiar with it's the sounds, sights, tastes and feelings of battle. Well, whatever way you look at it things have taken a little turn for the worse around here.

Whether it's worse for me or worse for them I don't know, and to be perfectly honest I don't care. Either way it looks like a change is coming, and I welcome that. Death or freedom, either would be the release I so crave for. I just wish there was something I could do, some action I could take, but there isn't. I'm trapped here, trapped in this cold watery prison, and no matter who wins the battle here, no one will come for me, no one will care.

No one.




***************************************




"Well...this is something you could have mentioned Reebo"

The Colonel sighs and leans on a large ornate pillar as he berates Reebin, but there's no real venom in his voice. He just sounds weary, and I know how he feels. We're just not getting any break here.

"No-one mentioned a 'DHD' to me, you only asked if I knew where the gate was, and I have found it for you Jack"

"Yeah well, it's no good without power or a way to dial it up Reebo!"

"Well perhaps if you'd been less suspicious of me, you would have been spending more time thinking about important things like the existence of this 'DHD'!"

Gotcha there Colonel, gotcha there. The Colonel's mouth hangs open for a second, then it shuts with an audible snap. He pulls himself upright, then takes two slow steps over to Reebin, his eyes on the floor and his hands in his pockets as he swings from side to side and tries to look nonchalant. He opens his mouth to speak quietly to Reebin, but before he says anything he quickly looks at the rest of us, and we somehow find something else to do. Daniel goes back to checking Alith, and I pull the map from my pocket and start to study it. But I keep my ears open, because if this is where the Colonel apologises to Reebin then I'm not going to miss it for the world! I lean over the map and start to trace some of the coloured lines that lead from the gateroom, and listen.

"Look, Reebo..."

"It's REEBIN Jack, REEBIN..."

"Uh...yeah....sorry...Reebin. Look, personally I think I had every reason to suspect you, and to be perfectly honest I ain't willing to give up on disliking you just yet, but I guess I do have to thank you for saving my life"

I smile as I study the map at the Colonel's crude and grudging thanks, but a thanks none the less. I have to resist the urge to turn and watch them, but I imagine Reebin is wearing a smug smile, and sure enough when he speaks, his voice is laced with sarcasm.

"My pleasure Jacky"

A muffled squeak from the corner tells me Daniel has been listening as well, and I have to bite my finger to stop from joining him. A sudden silence falls, with only a few small noises which must be the sounds of the Colonel spinning about on his heel and checking to see if we were listening.

"Alright, alright...look, just tell me one thing. How the hell did ya know all this stuff anyway? Like where the gate is and how to get here? Ya gotta admit, you knew a little too much for the average prisoner Reebin"

"When I was brought to this world, I woke when we exited the gate. Whatever it was they gave me wore off, and I saw the gate as I was being carried over someone's shoulder. On my world we had just uncovered the gate, and we did not know what it was. I was working with the team who uncovered it, and one night while we slept they came for us. I was carried to a cell but all the time I was able to remember the route we took"

"Yeah well why didn't you tell us that in the first place Reebin?"

"You never asked Jack"

Another squeak from behind me, and this time the Colonel glares at Daniel over my shoulder.

"Aw come on Reebin, you kept quite a lot from us, if you'd just told us..."

"You were suspicious of me as soon as I arrived Jack, that was plainly obvious. Would you have believed me?"

The Colonel pauses and draws in a deep breath, then releases it as a long sigh.

"Yeah okay, you've made your point, now if we can get on with things, we still have a hell of a problem here..."

Or not. I focus my attention back on the map, and carefully follow one set of lines that radiate out from this room. I follow the routes to their destination, then check it twice, and then for a third time. It has to be, this has to be it, and those hasty equations scribbled by the side of the diagram of the room are very, very familiar.

"Sir, I think I've found the DHD"

"You found it? Well that's good news..."

He comes over to my side and leans over the panel, letting it take his weary weight as he puffs out a breath. He looks tired. I guess the two of us haven't really had much sleep lately, for various reasons. He smiles a little at me, then looks curiously at the map I'm pointing at, and I can tell he's not gonna be happy with what I have to tell him. He looks around the room then back at the map, and his brows crease as his brain works through the options. He swings around again, looking under the panel in an exaggerated gesture, then back at me with his hands out.

"Well, unless it's really, really small I don't see it Carter"

"Well, it's not here sir"

"You just said you found it!" He says, his voice rising a few notches as he leans into me.

"Yes but it's not 'here' sir, it's *here*"

I point at a small room on the map and he leans over.

"How d'ya get that?" He asks, confused, and I shift over to let him look as Daniel joins us.

"This room has lots of power lines leading to and from it, but the bulk of them, these blue ones, lead to this small room over here, and no-where else. This must be where the DHD is kept. They obviously decided to keep it separate from the gate for security reasons or whatever, but they've ran lines to power it"

"You sure?" He asks, propping his chin on his elbow as he follows the blue line on the map, finally bringing his finger next to mine on the small square room a few corridors away. I have to curse myself inwardly as that one, tiny touch makes me shiver, and Daniel glances up at me curiously. Shake if off Sam, work to do.

"It must be, these blue lines don't go anywhere else, so they must be for powering the gate"

"So...someone has to go work the DHD, is that what your saying?"

I nod, and the Colonel pulls himself to his full height and sucks in a breath as he thinks. Daniel looks curiously at the map and when the Colonel sees this he leans over and whumps Daniel's arm. Daniel pulls back surprised as I do, and the Colonel just shakes his head and grins.

"Ya see Danny? 'Oh I'll take the book, what on earth could we possibly use the map for?'" I can't help but snort, and Daniel jut cocks his head to one side and gives Jack that look. The look that tries to berate him for acting childish, but always goes unnoticed by the target. Suddenly all business again, the Colonel goes into 'orders' mode.

"Okay kids, here's what we'll do. You hole up here, and I'll go work the DHD. Then when the gate opens, go for it and don't wait for me, okay?"

"Jack, I don't think that..."

"Sir? With all due respect sir, you may need me"

Daniel stops his weak protest and the Colonel turns to face me, fingering with his zat as he looks into my eyes and purses his lips. His eyes meet mine and he offers me a little crooked smile.

"I guess it seems a bit unlikely that the DHD will just be sitting there out in the open ready to use huh?"

I just nod, and he looks around at the rest of us. Reebin looks up from tending Alith, and the Colonel takes a quick look at everyone, then nods to himself.

"Okay, Carter, you're with me. Daniel, you stay here with Reebin and Alith, and as soon as the gate opens, transmit that code I gave you and go home okay?"

Reebin half stands from the corner and starts to protest.

"Jack, I really don't think that..."

"Reebin, there's not even gonna be an argument here. Carter and I have the best chance at this, and no doubt her many skills will be called upon when we find the DHD. I need you to look after Alith and make sure she gets back for treatment, ya hear me?"

The Colonel's face is set and hard, and I know that look very well. That look means he's made up his damn mind and no-one and nothing is going to change it. Well Sam, looks like your not gonna get home just yet huh? Reebin stares at him, then back at me, then his eyes fall to Alith who's delirious with her fever now. He looks up again and nods once at the Colonel, and we start to get ready. Daniel bundles Alith up in his jacket, then they move her to the far side of the gate and just beside where it curves out of the stone ground. That they they'll have the best protection from any guards who get in, will avoid the gate outsplash, and still be in a good position to get through the wormhole before anyone has a chance to stop them. I carry one zat and take another to tuck in my pants, and go to have a look at the door command panel around the corner.

"Carter? Whatcha up to?" says a quiet voice by my side a few minutes later. I turn to see the Colonel, and he's sorting himself out. He always goes through this sort of ritual before we leave the changing room to go on a mission, and he's still doing it even though he isn't wearing most of the gear he should be, I watch as his hands travel over his body, checking, preparing, and then they move and tuck a spare zat back in his belt-line like before. He's peering interested over my shoulder to where I have a panel off the door by the wall and I'm carefully sifting through some of the wires.

"I think I can reengage the doors locking system so that it'll be very difficult to open from the other side sir. Luckily this hasn't been damaged by the firefight"

"Good idea. Uh, but too difficult? You are remembering that we have to come back through"

"Yes sir, I'm making it as complicated as I can, but knowing what I did should make it fairly easy for me to open"

"Good, well done Major"

I smile, and he gently closes his fingers around my shoulder and he leans in to give me a big smile.

"You okay with this?"

He's asking me if I mind risking my life. A commanding officer doesn't ask his subordinates if they want to do what he says, he gives orders, that's his job, but he's asking me. He's asking me and I really do appreciate the gesture.

"Yes sir"

Evidently that was the right answer, for his hand slides around my shoulders and settles there, and he gently tugs me towards him. My shoulder tucks under his arm, and having nowhere else to put my head I slowly let it drop wearily to his shoulder with a sigh. His other arm pulls me around and around my waist, and I tentatively bring my own arms around him, holding him lightly. He places his chin on my head for a brief second, then lets me go and holds me at arms length. He gives me a long look, and my heart starts to race in my chest. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can decide on what to say, Daniel's voice reaches us from the main part of the room.

"Uh guys, just one thing before you go...what's this?"

Daniel is standing fingering the gate, and the Colonel gives me a nod to go and look. I quickly cover the distance to the gate and I feel rather than hear the Colonel come up behind me, and he sighs as I lean in to where Daniel's pointing. I think he's getting a little sick of Daniel's uh...bad timing shall we say? Well, so far it's the only thing that's kept us out of trouble, and I really should thank him for it. Later, much later, when I can think more objectively about it. I study the gate where Daniel's pointing to, and when I see what he means I look up and around the circumference of the gate, leaning back on my heels to study the furthest reaches.

"What?" Asks the Colonel, straining to see. I point out the inside edge of the gate to him, and he sees what Daniel was so worried about.

"Is that an iris or something?" He asks, lip curled back as he strains his neck upwards.

"I think sir, that that is exactly what it is"

"And that means..."

"Jack that probably means we won't be able to come back through with more troops for you guys if you don't make it back"

"Daniel, we'll make it back, and anyway I'm sure Carter can disable that thing from the DHD room or whatever"

"I hope so sir, but what I'm most worried about is whether the gate will work at all because of the damage this room has sustained"

"Carter, I really did not want to hear that right now"

"Sir, I'm just being thorough. I don't think the power supply to the gate was damaged, but a lot of other systems her were, and we don't have the time for me to check everything"

"You're right we don't, any minute Rosay could bring some of her buddies back here, then no-one's going anywhere. Daniel, get through the gate as soon as we open it, and tell Hammond what's going on. If we're not back within 24hrs, I think you can safely say we ain't coming back"

"Okay, uh...we'll leave the radio here for..."

"Daniel, we can't do that"

"Why not Carter?" asks the Colonel as he swings to look at me. I take the radio from Daniel's hands and show the Colonel the readout.

"Sir, any code we input or transmit remains in the memory. The only way to remove it is the remove the memory, and without that we can't input our fourteen digit code as this thing only has a 5 digit on-screen memory. And we can't leave the radio here with the code in the memory..."

"Because Rosay and her buddies could use it to get to Earth..."

"Yes sir"

"So...Jack? Sam? How are you going to get back? If you have no way to send the code?"

"It's a one time code anyway Daniel, the computer's wouldn't accept it a second time. Look, tell Hammond we're coming, Carter and I will figure out some kind of signal that could only come from us, then hopefully you won't let us splat on the iris"

"Jack..."

"Daniel, we'll think of something. Now Carter's gonna lock the door so hopefully no-one can get in, but I want you and Reebin to be ready just in case. You got that?"

The Colonel glances at Reebin, then back to Daniel, and Daniel fights down whatever he was going to say and simply nods. The Colonel thumps him on the arm, nods at Reebin then turns on his heel.

"Okay, I'll have a look outside, be ready Carter"

"Yes sir"

With that the Colonel readies one of his zats and jogs out to the other room. I turn back to Daniel and he forces a smile, and I reply in kind, but we both know we don't mean it. He pushes his glasses back up his nose, then steps close and holds my shoulders in his hands.

"Okay, you guys follow me as soon as you can okay?"

"We will Daniel, now watch your back, and get these people out of here you got it?"

We hear a clatter from the other room and a curse as the Colonel obviously has some trouble moving the debris from the door, and Daniel grins and nudges me.

"You take care of him now, and if he gets out of line just bite him in the hand or something"

I can't help but smile at his recommendation, and he grins and looks down. If I was in any doubt about Daniel's knowledge of what the Colonel and I have...uh...been through, then I think this proves his research covered a lot of subjects.

"Yeah but I think he likes that" I reply cheekily, and Daniel goes red as we share a quiet laugh.

"Huh...good point. Get the two of you back soon Sam, we'll be waiting"

"Keep the light on Daniel"

"We will"

The Colonel whistles to me from the doorway, and I turn to go. Reebin is watching me from where he's crouching with Alith by the gate, and I'd be lying if his hands on her didn't stir a tiny piece of anger in me. Oh I know she's okay as far as Reebin is concerned. Believe me as soon as we joined up with the Colonel and the others I made sure she was okay, and she simply seemed pleased to see me and Reebin, but for her part she wasn't overly eager to see him, and I guess I do believe him. Still, it doesn't matter now, if the Colonel and I don't get the gate working then no-one's getting home and I won't have to think through anything. Reebin holds his hand up, palm open, and nods solemnly. I nod in return and another more desperate whistle comes from the door and I turn and leave.

"Coming sir!"




***************************************




"Great...this place is pretty damn hot"

We crouch behind a pillar out of the way as two guards storm down the hall and around the corner, and that's the third lot we've seen. We're making very slow progress, if we don't hurry up by the time we get the damn gate open there'll be no-one there to go through. It's only a matter of time before the guards check there for possible escapees, and that electronic lock that Carter whipped up to protect Daniel and the others won't last for long.

"Well at the time releasing the prisoners seemed like a good idea sir..."

"Yeah...but now the place is crawling with guards. Which way?"

"Left"

"What, left as in the direction that all the shouting and screaming and shooting is coming from?" I give her an incredulous look and she just raises one eyebrow.

"Left sir"

"Right, let's see if we can't use that to our advantage and sneak past. We'll stick to the shadows, and zat anyone that that gets in our way, okay?"

"Yes sir"

She nods briskly at me, and readies her zat in her hand before leaning out to take a look into the now thankfully empty corridor. All business, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds and danger, that's my Major. Much though I like my Major, I've also been getting kinda fond of Sam too. I just we can get out of here so I can see some more of her.

"Let's go"

We make surprisingly good progress from here on in, and soon we find ourselves at a major crossroads. There has obviously been a lot of fighting here, and there are burnt bodies.

"Sir, looks like there are quite a few guards among the prisoners"

"Yeah, I'm glad so many of the prisoners decided to try and make a run for it"

"Sir? What are we going to do about them?"

She looks up at me with those eyes, and her eyebrows turned down at the outside, and I feel like I would promise her anything to take that sad look away. Believe me Major I have thought about it, I'm not a cold hearted callous bastard you know, well, not all of the time.

"Yeah I know Carter. Look, maybe we can work out some way to come back through, maybe we can block the iris in the gateroom so we can come back with some serious numbers and firepower or something, and we'll free these people okay? I don't want to leave them like this anymore than you do, but if we don't get out, no-one gets out"

I lean forward in one of my lecture modes, and she nods and turns back to the corridor ahead. Way to shout at her Jack. The coast seemingly clear she runs across the intersection and I follow. She checks the map quickly, and seemingly we've only a short distance to go. Good. The quicker we get there and out of the open the better. We pick our way over and past the bodies of guards and prisoners alike, and all of a sudden Carter drops to her knees to my right and I stop to see what's wrong.

"Sir, over here!"

Carter is squatting by a body and feeling for a pulse. Great, please tell me this isn't one of her friends, we don't have time for this. I'm just about to haul her up and away when I step closer and see the person's face. It's Jima, poor old Jima. I drop to Carter's side as she checks him over, but his eyes are staring blankly at the ceiling, and I know her answer before she turns to me and shakes her head. I must admit rather ashamedly that I'd forgotten all about him. I guess I'm spent all my time concentrating on getting ourselves out, that I've forgotten about all the other people that helped us out, however little, in our stay here. Well we'll come back Jima, we'll come back and free everyone, I promise we will.

"Where now Carter?"

"Um...just around the corner sir"

We pick up the pace and trot around the corner, and luckily the fighting seems to have moved on from here. I carefully look down every intersection, and just as I'm checking he last one Carter's excited voice draws me back.

"This is it sir!"

"It better be..." I mutter, and she simply looks at me and delivers a smile meant to reassure me. Oh it does more than that Sam, a lot more. I just wish we had time to talk and I wish that...

"Sir?"

I turn to see her and she's crouching on one side of the door, a zat in one hand and her other hand on the mechanism for opening the door. I take up the other side and nod, and the door slides slowly open. I nip into the opening and Sam follows me, and we find ourselves in a large hexagonal shaped room with a sunken centre and a walkway around the outside. The door is set into one wall and the two flanking it are blank. The other three walls are covered with panels and lights and readouts and monitors and all those kind of things that make Carter shiver in delight. Some of them are flickering and sparking rather unhealthily, and there, in the centre of the sunken floor, all hooked up to wires is the DHD.

"Alright! Nice work Sam"

She smiles then jogs across the room to check it's okay. The door slides shut behind us and I have a wander around the room. I come to what I can only assume is a monitor, but it seems to be off. I look around behind it and sure enough there's an on switch. I flick it on and I see snow for a bit before I get a picture. It's grainy and black and white, and I have I have to squint before I can make out the strange angle of the picture. Wait a minute...I look around and there's a microphone looking thingy by my side...

"Carter..."

"Just a minute sir...there...I think the DHD is fine..."

"Yeah well come up here and see what I found"

She comes up behind me, and I can't help but smile softly as her nose scrunches up as she tilts her head to make sense of the picture. I have to quickly dismiss any thoughts of her being adorable. She is not.

...ah forget that...her nose crinkling like that is the most adorable thing I've ever seen...

"It's the gateroom sir!"

"Whu?...oh...yeah, that's what I was gonna say, and we got a microphone here or something..."

"Good, we can let Daniel know we're..."

She starts to pull the microphone towards her but I'm overcome by my mischievous streak and I grab it from her hands and lean in. She puts her hands on her hips to glare at me, and I feel a little rush of satisfaction that she knows me so well. I hold the microphone close and watch the screen, waiting for the perfect moment and...

"Daniel!!! I hope you're not nappin' down there!" I yell.

I watch with satisfaction as he leaps up and Reebin's neck almost snaps when he wheels around, both trying to find where my voice came from. Sam shakes her head and pushes me away from the microphone and cups it in her hands.

"Daniel, it's us, we've found the DHD and there's video surveillance, we can hear and see you"



I snatch the microphone back and hold onto Sam with my other hand.

"Yeah yeah Daniel, look, the DHD seems fine so we're about to open the gate. Everything okay?"



I glance at Sam, and she gulps.

"Okay Daniel, get ready, we're gonna open the gate now"

He nods, still looking about for the camera and I give Sam a little push. She tucks her zat away and drops down to where the DHD is. Suddenly one of the wall panels or whatever it is sparks and whines, and she has to sidestep out of the way. She keeps moving and soon she's by the DHD and the large control panel thingy mounted in front of it.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes sir, the iris is open, and the power lines are fine, the damage the gateroom received hasn't done too much damage so far"

"Okay, dial it up Carter!"

I watch on tenterhooks as she carefully punches in earth's address, but a quick look tells me that the chevrons are lighting up. The address done Carter presses the centre button, then comes back to my side. We watch raptly as the last chevron lights and the wormhole opens with a splash and settles back into the gateway. Yes! Yes yes yes! I grin at Sam and she's grinning back, and I grab her hand and squeeze it tightly, pulling her against my side. Well Daniel can't interrupt me wanting to be close to her this time cause he's going home! Home...we're gonna get home...Daniel moves in front of the gate and uses the radio, then we watch as he goes to help Reebin heft Alith into his arms. They move slowly towards the gate, then a shower of sparks from over head covers them, and they duck.

"Sam?"

"Daniel, go quickly! I think Rosay did more damage that I thought...hurry!"

They manage to steady themselves on the ramp then, Daniel pauses to look up for us. Sam tightens her grip on my hand, and I take the microphone from her fingers.

"Daniel go! We'll join you just as soon as we can, now move!"

He takes one last look, then they scurry up the ramp, and are engulfed by the wormhole. Then they are gone. The wormhole snaps shut with a satisfied whoosh.

They're home.




***************************************




"Incoming traveller!"

"We have no teams off-world, is there a code?"

"Not yet sir"

I have a funny feeling. Teal'c jogs up the stairs and joins us in the control room, and his being there simply serves to make me even more jittery, and jittery is not something you're supposed to be when you're a General. It's been weeks since Teal'c stopped rushing to the gateroom every time an unauthorised activation was announced, but this time is different, this time there are no teams off-world, SG-5 got back last night. Well, take that former statement back, there is one team off-world...

"No code yet sir..." Simmons updates us, and I can tell he's thinking about the same possibility that the rest of us are.

Teal'c looks at me, and I stare back into his impassive face, trying not to show him my hope. It's been so long, and yet I know that I will never give up on the rest of SG-1, never. For some reason, even thought I know they can die just as easily as the rest of us, their previous reputation forces me to consider the possibility that once again they have succeeded against all odds. The seconds pass tremendously slowly, and I'm just about to admit it isn't them and turn away, when Simmons jerks upright in his seat.

"We have a code sir, it's...it's...sir it's a code I've never seen before but the computer is recognising it!"

"let me see!" I lean over Simmons shoulder, and the code title 'last ditch effort', one of the Colonel's devising, scrolls across the screen. I almost can't get the words out in time as I lean forward and jab desperately at the screen.

"Open the iris!"

"Sir, I don't recognise this code..."

"Open the iris son, it's SG1!" I grab the microphone and call for some ordnance in the gateroom, and the iris almost lazily spins open as the armed welcoming team file into the gateroom. Teal'c takes one look at me and the two of us bolt for the stairs just as fast as we can. We stand cautiously behind some of my troops and a strange hush falls over the whole of the 28th floor as we wait. We all know what this could mean. Either Jaffa spill through the gate, or my best team could come home. Deep breaths are taken as the event horizon gurgles, then spits out a tumbling figure dressed in what appears to be fatigues. Two more figures follow, and then the gate snaps shut. Well the numbers are right. Troops bring guns to bear but I order them to stand down as the first figure rises and pushes his glasses up his nose as he looks around.

"Doctor Jackson!"

"Daniel Jackson" Teal'c and I yell in unison as we charge up the gate to meet a very weary and unshaved looking Jackson, who pauses to reassure the two others that everything is okay. I look at the others only long enough to see that neither is Colonel O'Neill or Major Carter, then finally I cover the distance to the ramp and place a trembling hand on Jackson's shoulder as Teal'c does the same.

"Hi guys...uh General...uh...I guess I'm home"

Teal'c suddenly enfolds Jackson in a fierce hug, and I can't help but pat the two of them on the back as a small cheer goes up around the gateroom and in the rooms above. A small cheer mind you, we lost three team members, and as happy as I am to see Doctor Jackson, I would have preferred to see them all.

"Teal'c, hey I'm happy to see you too but if you don't let me go you're going to...ah...thank you"

"Good to have you back son, you look like you have a hell of a story to tell..."

"Oh yeah General...a hell of a story..."

"Well I look forward to hearing it son, but, where are Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter?"

"Were they not with you Daniel Jackson?"

"Uh Teal'c, General Hammond, they're okay, they had to go and operate the DHD, look...that doesn't matter right now. They're going to follow us as soon as they can"

"And who are these people?" I ask, gesturing to the man that's kneeling next to an obviously hurt woman on the ramp.

"Uh, General, this is Reebin and Alith, they helped us escape, but Alith's hurt and we need to..."

"Okay son, okay..."

Doctor Frasier bustles into the gateroom then, and after beaming at Daniel and asking how he is, medical teams take all three of the travellers of to the infirmary. Both Teal'c and I want to follow, but Doctor Frasier asks us if we don't have more important things to do. With that Teal'c and I turn our attention back to the gate, which now lies empty and silent.

They're alive, SG1 are alive, and on their way home. I look at Teal'c, and he actually lifts his mouth in a slight satisfied smile. Wearily and feeling like months of tension are finally escaping my tired body, we climb back up to the observation room and take our seats, and then we do the only thing left for us to do.

We wait for the rest of SG1 to come home.




**************************************




"They made it"

"Yeah, now let's get this thing set up for us, can you open it now?"

She moves across the room to another unit, leading me with her by the hand, and starts to study some sort of graph and readout thingy.

"Yes sir, I'll set the gate to stay open for longer as we may have to fight our way back and...woah!"

Sam is blown back from the panel as it explodes in a shower of sparks, and I lunge and catch her before she can hit the floor. I help her upright then she struggles from my grasp and cautiously approaches the panel. Half of it is burned black, and the other half flashes intermittently. She flicks a few switches and peers at a few readouts with her nose scrunched up, and then she hauls the monitor around and stares at it, unmoving.

"Carter?"

She taps on a few more keys and then pulls a panel from the wall and looks at the wires. I can tell by the set of her jaw that she's not happy. She's got that look that means some mechanical thing isn't obeying her, and I remember that look all too well from Antarctica.

"Carter?" I ask again and step up by her side, only to leap back as she hauls some wires from their casings and sparks shoot out.

"We have a problem sir"

"Trigger happy Rosay hasn't broken the DHD has she?" Please no, please no...

"No sir the DHD is fine, it's very well protected and insulated, but we have another problem."

Not good, problems are bad, and when Carter calls these technological things a 'problem' then we are in trouble. I lean over her shoulder to see what she's doing, but the little diagrams and readouts mean nothing to me. She glances back at me, then points to the monitor.

"The guards blew out some of the power lines and generators, and now this whole facility is low on power. Some kind of emergency system has kicked in and now all the systems are prioritised"

I lean back over her shoulder and raise my eyebrows. Why does it always take five minutes to get to the point with her? I appreciate the fact that she's trying to let me know exactly what's going on, but the quicker she tells me the very basics, the quicker we can...well...*she* can work out what to do.

"Major..."

She glances over at me, and shakes her head as if to cut through the explanations herself, then points back to the monitor.

"Well, the gate works and the DHD works, but there's now not enough power to the iris, and it's locked shut. And if we can't open the iris..."

"Then we can't go home..."

"Right..."

Damn. If it ain't one thing it's another.




**************************************




"I take it brute force ain't gonna work?"

"No sir, you saw the iris, I don't think there's any way we could open it by ourselves"

"Well can't you, uh...transfer power from elsewhere or something?"

"That's what I'm trying sir, but the Goa'ulds who built this were much more paranoid than I originally thought. There are no power transfer systems here, they must be somewhere else"

"Somewhere else? Where?"

She stops for a moment to haul the map from her jacket, and she impatiently smoothes it over the worktop and follows coloured lines with an outstretched finger. I lean over for a closer look, but hell it looks like nonsense to me. She follows several different routes from what I know to be the gateroom to several different locations spread far and wide over this compound, and shakes her head. No, no Carter...please don't shake your head...

"Damn...there are about twelve different areas that could operate the power transfer system, but it's impossible to tell from this crude map, and even assuming we got lucky and checked the right one first, they're all halfway across this facility in unfamiliar territory"

Not good. In fact, I assign this whole situation an official 'very bad' rating from now on.

"Well we'd get caught long before we got to the first one, once they get all the other prisoners rounded up they're gonna be after us. Can't we just...I dunno...stop power going to one of the high priority things so the iris gets some?"

"This room is far too well shielded, although a zat blast cut some power, the emergency power is designed to operate under severe conditions, there's no way we can disrupt it here unless..."

She bites her lip and twists her head, eyes screwing up, and I can see she's struggling with a possibility. That's all Carter needs is a possibility, just give her one of those and a few moments to think and we'll have our way out. Suddenly her head snaps round and her tongue touches her lips as she works through the final stages, and impressed though I am by the very evident thought processes lighting up her eyes, I find my own eyes drawn to that tongue, and my thoughts on memories of it in my mouth...oh for crying out loud Jack...

"That's it sir! I think your idea might work! Instead of shutting down the appropriate circuits, all we need to do is destroy one of things that's using the power! This system will then automatically reroute the power, and we can open the iris!"

My idea? Cool! I'll add that to the first small list of things that were my idea. I resist the urge to say 'my work here is done' and instead lean next to her on the worktop and watch as she studies the map, this time tracing different colours of lines.

"Okay, we need something non-essential yet power hungry we can blow up..."

"And a way to blow 'em up. Unless ya got a grenade hidden in that pocket of yours of course"

Her eyes never leave the map, but she smiles a little then bites on her lip again as she considers my words.

"A zat blast won't be powerful enough, we need to find a working staff weapon"

"Shouldn't be a problem considering all the corpses we saw on the way here" She taps on a large room somewhere not too far away, and nods her head as she makes what looks like a decision.

"Here...this should do it sir. Remember that cold storage room I told you about? According to the readouts it's still getting power, and judging by the size of it, it must be drawing a hell of a lot of power, and it's not far. If we can take that off-line somehow, then we should be able to open the iris"

"Sounds good"

She nods and looks up at me, blue eyes alive and sparkling, and I hand her a zat gun, and fold up the map for her. She tucks it away and readies her weapon, and I pause by the door before letting us out and turn to face her.

"Y'know, I've had a hankering to visit that place ever since you told me about it Carter. I mean, you and me in a real cold place, always fun..." She smiles wide and gives a dramatic shiver at our mutual memories of Antarctica, then I open the door and we take a final look at each other, and head out.




**************************************




Some of the corridors are surprisingly empty, and at first we make good time, then we hear the unmistakable sounds of gunfire from up ahead.

"Y'know Carter, it's beginning to sound like some of the prisoners are getting the upper hand here"

"I know sir, they must have got hold of some zats or staff weapons"

"Well the more guards they take off our hands the better. Where now?"

"It's just through here sir"

I hang out around the corner, and when I see the coast is clear I trot across, check up and down, and then motion the Colonel to follow me. He jogs after me, and we duck into a shadowy corner briefly as a lone unarmed guard runs full tilt past us and away. Half his armour was hanging off, and I don't think he would have stopped to challenge us even if he had seen us. It seems that the tide is starting to turn, and least in some areas. Still at least with all the dead guards we managed to find an unclaimed staff weapon to add to our arsenal. We move into the small archway, and the Colonel nods at me. We creep up to the door, and I carefully push the button as we ready ourselves for anything. The doors swing inwards silently, and I take a deep breath of cold, piercing air and we enter, the door shutting softly behind us.

"Wow" The Colonel says as he stands upright and has a good look around.

"Yeah, that's what I said"

Once again I find myself in that large vault, the walls and floors run with tubes and pipes and spilt coolant. The Colonel jumps sideways when an outlet by him suddenly releases a spew of gas, then he steps onto one of the walkways around the room, his visible breath rising slowly in the frigid air.

"So...this is where you saw something? Something in one of these containers here?"

I follow him around the room, and we take the same route that I did before. We step carefully over throbbing pipes and pools of dark liquid, and even though large pumps are working, processing liquid and other things, the high vaulted ceiling and the cold gives the place a strange air of silence.

"Well, this is creepy" The Colonel says as he almost slips on a patch of ice and catches himself on a refrigeration unit. The extreme cold of the unit burns his hand and he quickly swipes it away.

"I do so love sharing these fun places with you Carter"

"Well at least we're not in the cells anymore sir"

"I guess, but there are one or two things I miss" He says with merely a slight glance at me before he starts walking again. What the hell did that mean?

We continue around the room, and a combination of the cold and the silence for some reason makes us reluctant to speak. We stalk quietly as we walk, and as he curiously prods at pipes and hatches with a booted toe, I search for some sort of control panel we can use to shut this place down. I'd rather do this neatly and not have to resort to blowing this place sky high, but if I can't transfer the power then it'll be our only choice. The sound of staff weapon blasts and the occasional scream can still be heard from outside, but the sounds travels weakly on the cold air, and it all seems so very far away. The Colonel stops to examine something on the floor that's no doubt shiny, and as I look back to the path an continue on my way I see scuffs in the frost on the floor and I realise I've been at this exact spot before. I wonder if...

I quickly move along the line of refrigeration units and find one that has been touched. A new layer of frost has formed over the hand marks, but where it was touched before the frost layer is thinner, and the distinct mark of a palm and fingers can still be seen. I stand on my toes and peer behind the unit, and there, wedged down between it and the next one is just what I'm looking for. I squeeze my way in between and turn to look for the Colonel, only to be deafened by the sound of the whole room lurching to life. This room obviously operates on some sort of cycle, and all of a sudden turbines and motors start to work, and the hall is filled with a deafening blaring so I have to shout to get his attention.

"Sir!" I call, and he jogs over to the unit and tries to look over the top of it to what I'm looking at. I'm half jammed down between this unit and the next, trying to keep my jacket between me and the cold, and when I finally wiggle free and look up at him he's already reaching out for me and looking concerned.

"Sam?" He asks, yelling slightly over the noise, and then his expression changes to confusion as I grin widely at him. I pull myself out of the gap and with a flourish I flick my hand out and present him with something. A small smile yanks up one corner of his mouth and he reaches out and takes the item from my hand. He holds onto my cold fingers with one hand, and shakes out his long lost cap with the other, cracking the frozen peak.

"Carter, you just made my day!" he yells and I can't help but smile.

He smoothes his ragged hair back and pulls the cap on in one fluid move, then straightens the peak. Hair sticks out from the sides and back, and as he grins his week old stubble gives him a rakish look. That man looks good in any situation. He looks to one side then, at the containers, and his face takes on a serious cast as he walks over to it. He looks it up and down then moves back to me so he can talk in my ear and not have to yell.

"So these are the containers you were telling me about?"

"Yes, there's something in them, something alive, or something that used to be, but I'm not sure what"

"Big enough for a man"

"That's what I'm thinking sir, but who are they keeping in here, some of the prisoners?"

"No, in here we keep our people" Comes a low voice, and we both spin to find a small troop of guards standing there, weapons pointed at us from behind their leader, Rosay. Not good. The Colonel tenses beside me and takes a tighter grip on his staff weapon, but Rosay and her guards already have us covered with their own staff weapons and zat guns. She flicks a hand out at one of the guards, and they trot over to a large machine at the end of the hall and pull a large lever, which stops the large turbines, restoring silence to the room once more. They certainly picked the best time to sneak up on us, when we couldn't hear them, and there are plenty of hiding places in here. Well at least it seems she wants to talk and not just blow us to bits, at least that's a start. But her people?

"What do you mean that's your people?" the Colonel asks from beside me, and again I'm surprised at how alike we think. His position is hostile, and his zat is gripped in his other hand though pointing at the floor.

Rosay lowers her own weapons, obviously satisfied that her goons will keep watch, and swaggers forward. She's changed her clothes, and is now wearing long pale robes that show functional pants through the slits in the long, flowing material. Her hair is drawn back and her face carefully made up, but some new livid scars from the explosion in the gateroom show on her cheekbones and forehead.

"These are our people. When we defeated the Goa'uld we tried to control them, use them to add to their complete and utter humiliation by making them our slaves"

"Well, I don't mean to throw a damper on your little party here Rosay, but it looks like it didn't quite work"

Her face tightens for a moment, then she moves to the closest unit, the one I was looking in before, and runs her gloved hands over cold metal, her fingers tracing a lazy pattern across the frosted glass.

"There were many Goa'uld, and we thought if we could simply find the right chemicals then we could somehow control them, weaken them so we could carry them as slaves and servants, and be in control"

"Okay, even I could have told you that was a bad idea..."

"No! We had to show them, had to make them see how it felt!"

"But, it didn't work..." I interject, before the Colonel provokes her too much.

"No Sam, it did not. Most of the hosts we provided became taken over by the Goa'uld, and we had to kill those we could not control, and freeze the others. We thought that with time we could learn to control them, formulate those chemicals"

"So...these are your people? And they all have Goa'uld symbiotes?"

I take a quick glance around the room, and the thought of all these Goa'uld getting free and running wild across the galaxy does not appeal to me. It doesn't appeal to the Colonel either judging by the way his face has screwed up and he's doing a quick estimate of the number of containers here. Well I did that too, and there are several hundred. Not a huge threat in itself but if there is a queen here, then there's no telling how far and how fast this could move.

"We felt we were very close with some of our treatments, but we needed more subjects, more samples!"

She is preaching now, doing the old villain trying to explain themselves routine, and the Colonel suddenly steps forward, pushing me out of the way slightly and gestures across the room with his arm.

"So all your people have been frozen for how long? Not much of a way to treat your buddies now is it?" I cut across the Colonel's smug statement to ask a question that's been burning in my mind ever since Daniel told us he'd seen very few people.

"Uh Rosay...how many of your people *aren't* frozen?"

She stiffens at that and whirls away, her hands clenching by her side. The Colonel looks at me, and we both come to the same conclusion at the same time, a conclusion she obviously didn't want us to reach.

"We had nothing else to work with! The Goa'uld told us that they came here as we were the perfect hosts, supreme specimens, and that we were the only people in this area of the galaxy suitable! They came here especially for us!"

The Goau'ld told them that? I glance at the Colonel, and his confused face matches mine. He opens his mouth to tell her out theory about why the Goa'uld came here, but she isn't finished.

"But now we have found you, you will tell us how to get to your planet, and we will use the valued Tau'ri as hosts!"

"Uh...they told you about us?"

"Yes. They told us off the Tau'ri, and how they were strong hosts, and often difficult to overwhelm, and we wish to use your people to control the Goa'uld we hold captive. They told us of the weapons they carried. When I and my guards found you on that other world we knew it was you, and we knew to take you so we could find your home planet. We tried to remove the symbiote of your Jaffa but in the end we replaced it and left him at the gate"

Teal'c? They removed his symbiote? But he may be okay, oh thank God he might be okay, and safe back at the base, because they would have come to the planet looking for us. The Colonel glances at me, and I see his thoughts about Teal'c flashing across his eyes as he assimilates that information and the possibilities. He screws up his eyes then, and takes a slow step towards Rosay, cocking his head to one side.

"Rosay...yeah, we are the Tau'ri, but I think there's something you should know. You, and your people, are most likely Tau'ri too, or at least cousins or something..."

"Lies"

"It's true Rosay" I start, holding a hand out towards her, urging her to listen. "They were lying to you. In all likelihood they crash landed here, probably escaping from some more powerful Goa'uld, and they simply made the best use of the conditions they found here..."

"No..."

"Look Rosay, ya gotta face facts, they came here, enslaved your people just because you were here, and they could. You are the Tau'ri, we are the Tau'ri, we wouldn't do any better in those tanks with those snakes than you would. They used you Rosay, what on earth do you think they wouldn't lie to you as well?"

Rosay slowly extends her zat gun, and her entire arm shakes as it slowly draws level with the Colonel's chest.

"No..." She says again, but this time her voice is weak, and tremulous, and slow tears starts to track down her face, as she starts to doubt her entire way of life, and purpose for living. Things will go one of two ways now, but we have to try and show her there's another option.

"Rosay, we can help your people. We know people who might be able to remove the Goa'uld, and maybe provide some help for your people and..."

"Help? Help? What makes you think we either need or want your help? WE require only one thing from the Tau'ri, and that is hosts. No more talk, you will give me the address of your planet, now"

I see the Colonel tense beside me, and I tighten my hand on my zat.

"I don't think so" he says with a firm low voice, and then the room erupts with blue fire as zats discharge. I leap sideways behind a large vat, and a quick glance at the Colonel shows he's done the same. I lean out to fire and already two guards lie dead next to Rosay who's now started screaming, standing firm, feet apart as she fires her zat. She's mad, she must be. She doesn't even seem to be aiming, she's just firing blindly, sparks leaping off the vat in front of the Colonel as she does so. A staff blast hits a little too close to me so I roll to one side and take down a guard with a quick double blast and he falls onto the slippery floor and his fellow trips on him, giving me a few seconds to get better cover. Rosay keeps coming, and though I have a bead on her I find myself reluctant to shoot. Come on Sam, at least stun her. Suddenly another guard starts to charge at my position, and I have to duck down as he surrounds me with staff blasts, gaining ground fast. The Colonel flings himself out from his hiding position and moves forward, and I lose sight of him as my guard is suddenly all over me. He pushes the barrel to my side over and wades in, staff weapon raised to club me. Looks like Rosay really does want us alive. The guards swing goes wide and I zat him twice, moving aside as his lifeless body falls. I push him aside and look out to find the Colonel struggling with Rosay, trying to unarm her. The fallen guard from before is now on his feet and aiming his staff weapon at the Colonel, waiting for a clean shot.

"Colonel!" I shout, and hearing me he yanks Rosay to the side just as the guard fires. The blast hits the refrigeration unit behind them, and the energy crackles along it and into the tanks nearby, and seals crack open, spewing forth liquid as the entire unit starts to whine unhealthily. I take down the guard with two swift shots, and try and draw a bead on Rosay.

I start forward, panting, and looking for an opening to help the Colonel, when I realise the unit's whining in slowly increasing in pitch, and parts of it have started to tremble, making the whole floor vibrate. I know that sound, that sound means an explosion is on the cards.

"Sir!" I yell, but he's too busy to notice me. Rosay leans backward and yanks on the Colonel's arm and off balance they go down. This is not good. Suddenly the whining reaches a loud hum, piercing the air, and I know it can only be a matter of seconds.

"Sir!" I yell again, but he's busy fighting Rosay. He manages to knock her zat out of her hand, but she's obviously strong and well trained, and is managing to hold her own.

Suddenly the screaming unit seems to crumple at one end, then all of a sudden coolant and gas starts to jet outwards, and the whole capsule flexes upwards, and snaps fiercely in the middle as it jumps several feet into the air, dragging several other units with it and erupting gases and freezing liquids everywhere. Reaching it's maximum height the arcing machinery slows and falls back to the ground, electrical wires whipping free, and debris falling. I scramble backwards and pull myself with my hands as my feet slip and slide on the floor. I scream the Colonel's name as I watch metal and liquid falling towards him and Rosay as they twist and writhe together on the floor, but my vocalisation comes out slow and frigid, forming clouds on the air as he looks up and struggles to get free. Just in time they both roll to the side, slumping down, and I screw up my face and suck in a breath as I watch them tumble off the low platform onto the floor, the back of both skulls cracking off the slick, black floor. I twist my shoulder and throw up my arms to protect myself from jetting liquid, and with an earth shattering crash the units and the attached drums and storage containers come into final contact with the ground and shatter, large lumps of twisted metal screeching across the floor to rest by my feet. Choking, I waft smoke and water vapour from in front of my face and claw myself upright with the aid of a yellow and black striped barrel.

"Colonel?" I ask, and hearing no reply I carefully move towards him, and passing through a large cloud of foul tasting gas I finally see them.

Rosay and the Colonel are lying side by side, with pools of coolant slowly turning to ice collecting around them. Rosay is lying face down and she rocks slowly, obviously stunned, but the Colonel is lying half on his side and half on his back, obviously unconscious. I carefully step over broken glass to get to them, and that's when I hear it. A halting, quiet sound, a squeaking. I turn to face the shell of a unit left beside them, and I see a quick furtive movement there, from the corner of my eye. Oh my God...oh my God no...I fumble for my zat gun but my fingers are chilled to the bone, and as I manage to free it from my belt I watch in horror as a glistening and mature Goa'uld snake propels itself out from under a precipice of metal, and straight towards the Colonel and Rosay. A scream forms in my throat as I move forward, and I bring my zat gun to the fore just as the symbiote reaches the Colonel's boot, and using his body as cover it propels itself upward, tiny eyes glowing and calling piteously. Time slows horribly and I can only watch in horror as it draws level with his head, and disappears, and his body shudders, a tremor coursing down his limbs, making them flop against the ground.

I'm too late.

Oh my God I'm too late...




**************************************




I...I...I am free!

I do not know what happened, one minute I was aware of people close by, like before, and then my world was thrown upside down. All my senses and my equilibrium were shot to hell, and I felt the very last vestiges of my host slipping away. I began to panic, and when I finally had control of myself, my instincts took over and I moved quick as lightening, and sensing hosts nearby I gathered the last of my reserves of strength and suddenly I found one, my own poor perception allowing me to find an entry point via a mouth, and I was in. A few tense moments passed as I struggled to take my position, and finally I wound my way around the hosts spine, and made contact with their brain, their thoughts, and their very being. And such thoughts!

I am a very well grown Goa'uld, and though mature and very ready to take a new host, I do not think I have ever come across so strong and resistant a mind. We struggled fiercely for mastery for a few moments, and then I am through, I am in, and slowly I sink through a new mind as we become one. I sift restlessly through a lifetime of fighting and struggle, and horrible things that my host was forced to partake in. I see lost loves, lost family, and through it all a single minded determination to succeed, and survive, and make some kind of a difference. It appears I have chosen very well. This host will be a perfect vessel for me...or perhaps...perhaps even a companion, and confidant. The hosts body comes under my control inch by inch and muscle by muscle, and with sluggish grace I pull myself together and slowly rise to my feet. I take a slow look around the room, and I see it has changed much since I last saw it many, many years ago. I look down and a dishevelled figure lies at my feet, groaning and shifting, and further movement catches my eye. In front of me stands a female, in garb unfamiliar, with a zat'nic'atel pointed at me held in trembling fingers. Have I escaped only to be recaptured? My body goes tense but she seems unsure, and her eyes flick to the figure at my feet. Tears fill her eyes, and it looks as though she has no idea what is happening here. The figure at my feet rolls over and curses, then glances at me only to quickly roll further away, and the female quickly moves and drags the figure out of the way and to her side.

This is not the situation I expected, not at all. My host picks exactly this moment to rebel and fight me, and I have to struggle fiercely for a moment to regain the upper hand. When my eyes focus once more, the two figures are standing opposite me, two zats pointed firmly at my chest, and their other hands clasped tightly, fingers entwined as if they can't let each other go.

~You must...kill them...~

Comes a voice from within me, and though regaining control I allow the voice of my host to filter through to me, her memories washing over me. Rosay...her name is Rosay. And these two are Jack and Sam. Well...they are not from here...they are the Tau'ri, and they fight against my captors. I will not kill them Rosay, I will not do anything you demand. Many fleeting emotions pass over their faces as they watch me, and I know it will only take the slightest wrong movement to bring my death. I must reason with them, I must make them see what I am, what I have become.

I think it's time I introduced myself.




***************************************




I feel sluggish, and my body is very loathe to obey me. Still with Sam pulling on me and my rubbery legs attempting to support me she manages to drag me upright, and with one arm around her shoulder and the other on one of the broken containers I manage to stay vertical. I watch as horrified as Sam as Rosay turns to face us, her movements silky and fluid, and her mouth opens, her voice clouded and deep as she speaks with a timbre not her own.

"Please, do not be afraid, I will not harm you"

"Yeah right, we've heard that before..." I growl, and Sam shifts her grip on me as I sag a little, still recovering from that bang on the head. Sam is breathing so fast, and her eyes are always on me as if she can't believe I'm there. Me, the last thing I remember is struggling with Rosay, then that unit blew and we both went down, and I woke a few seconds later with one hell of a headache. Still, it's nice to be knocked out again, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Then all of a sudden I look up and Rosay is standing stock still and staring at Sam, who's staring her back down with a zat pointed at her. Thinking we had the upper hand I went to open my mouth, then she looked at me, and her eyes glowed. Well I guess Sam was right about something being alive in those tanks, and we just let it out. I take a quick look back at the tank, and a pale and rubbery corpse lies there, dead white eyes staring at the ceiling. Looks like the ex-host.

"Actually sir, normally they tell us straight away just how much they're gonna hurt us"

She has a point.

"Well...you can't possibly expect us to believe you" I counter, tilting my head.

"You are not from here, but you know of the Goa'uld. Well no matter, for releasing me from my eternal prison I am grateful and I am in your debt"

"look, we don't want any favours, all we want is to go home"

"And we want you to leave Rosay" Sam adds, ignoring my look.

It thinks for a moment, pursing it's lips, and I can't help but feel there's something different about this Goa'uld. I don't know what it is but it's there. I think Sam feels the same way judging by the way she's constantly switching between looking curious and making sure her zat is pointed at it's chest.

"I'm afraid that is not possible" It replies, obviously having come to a decision.

"Look buddy..."

"My name is Meshkent"

"Whatever...look...either you get out of that host or we take you out"

"I do not believe you could remove me Jack, and if I were to remove myself Rosay would kill you. I do not believe you are thinking very clearly at this moment"

"Oh you don't? Well it's a nice change to meet a snakehead who isn't arrogant and condescending with a superiority complex"

Sam shifts uncomfortably at that, but Rosay, uh Meshkent or whatever stays still, eyes passing between us. Sam eyes me but I ignore her, so she turns back to Rosay and grimaces a little as she considers Rosay's now calm and serene face, so different from the madness in her eyes of before "Who are you?" Sam asks quietly, her voice laced with uncertainty.

"I am Meshkent as I told you"

"And you're a Goa'uld"

"Yes, but...I have changed..."

"Oh that's what they all say..."

"Sir, there are the Tok'ra..." Sam reminds me, and I roll my eyes. Trust her to bring up the goody goody snake heads. I sometimes wonder if she thinks about one particular Tok'ra once too often.

"I am not Tok'ra!" It yells, eyes glowing, face contorted and seemingly insulted by that remark. It finishes, sucks in a breath, then looks at it's hands that it holds stretched out in front of it, and speaks quietly as it studies the skin and fingers.

"But I am not Goa'uld either. Not anymore"

"Oh, had a change of heart did we?"

It looks up at me and cocks its head, considering my words.

"As a matter of fact, I think I did"

"How long have you been in there?" Sam asks, glancing back at the other rows of tanks, eyes widening, but her zat remaining steady.

"Many many years. I was but an infant when they placed me inside my host, and I think perhaps that is what saved me. My immature body was able to adapt to the chemicals, and I survived. Do not worry though Sam, I am the only survivor, the others were not so fortunate"

It glances out over the tanks with Sam, and shivers a little, no doubt remembering it's prison.

"They're all dead?" I ask, and Rosay, Meshkent, it, whatever, takes a deep breath.

"Yes they are. A few of them managed to survive for many years but one by one they all succumbed. Killed by the hands of those they wished to enslave. How ironic don't you think?"

"Uh...maybe" I say, and Sam glances at me.

"What do you want?" Asks Sam, and I lift my chin, wanting to hear the answer to this one.

"I just want to live, to exist"

"In Rosay's body?"

"I am not particular, I will live in many hosts in the days to come, but her body...called to me...I cannot explain it" With that she walks swiftly over to the wall, ignoring our zats which follow her carefully, and she flicks a few switches, then from nowhere she pulls a zat out and fires it into the outlet in front of her.

"Woah! What the hell did you just do?"

"This room will soon be no more, and the corridors from here to the gateroom are overrun with guards and fighting. I suggest you take that corridor and pass through the water purification area to get back to the main corridor"

"What? What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She turns back slowly, and tucks her zat securely into her belt, before taking a few more steps towards us, and indicating the room with a jerk of her head.

"This place is a prison of evil, I must give my brothers and sisters at least some form of burial. I suggest you leave now before this room collapses in on us"

"But Meshkent, all these people will die!"

"They would have no life worth living. My people within them are already dead, and most of them are merely being keep alive by artificial means to serve as incubators to dead parasites. You wish to prolong their pain, their soulless lives?"

"Not that I think you snakeheads *have* souls Meshkent, but this is really unnecessary" I say, keeping my zat on her, but she seems completely unfazed by any of my words.

"You need power for the iris do you not? This I gleaned from Rosay, this is why she came here to find you, knowing your next move"

Sam lowers her zat a little then, and steps forward slightly, face curious, and a little sad.

"Is...is Rosay still in there?"

Meshkent smiles softly, and though it appears genuine it sends a shiver up my spine nevertheless. She takes a step towards Sam and holds out her hand slightly, and I just grit my teeth and tighten my grip on my weapon.

"Yes Sam, she is here, and though I would prefer to come to some sort of understanding with her, some sort of coexistence, letting her take control now would bring no benefit to either of us"

Sam nods and steps back, and I look from her to Meshkent in disbelief.

"What? You really expect us to believe that? Look, much though I'm not a big fan of Rosay's, the fact is you took over her body by force. How the hell are we ever to believe you're gonna let her out in the future, or coexist or whatever the hell you call it. You're a Goa'uld!"

Sam glances at me impatiently, but I'm sorry Sam, there are some things that I just can't back down on, and this is one of those things. It's a Goa'uld, and it's evil, bottom line. Sure maybe some of them can reform after hundreds of years like the Tok'ra, but one that's never experienced anything but the Goa'uld way of life? I'm just not buying it...I flick my eyes back to Meshkent then, and she takes a few steps towards me, her face patient.

"Jack, I have spent the last two hundred years trapped and suffering in a dying then dead host, which I had little or no contact with. When I was first implanted in him as a very young symbiote, I had only a few months of being linked with his mind, and the only thing I felt in that time was his hatred towards me. A fierce, burning hatred that consumed him from the inside out, and his strength of mind, and pride in himself that he was giving up everything he was, and had, to try and beat me, subdue me, show me what I had done. Well he failed Jack, he failed, and over the years I almost wish he hadn't, but I did learn what my people had done, and I felt the hatred directed at me and them. Believe me Jack living with that knowledge can have the power to change you"

Yeah well, whatever, I still don't believe you. I think Sam's beginning to though, I can tell from the compassionate tilt of her head.

"So you're a saint now is that what you're saying?" I drawl, curling my lip.

"No, but neither am I a devil. Jack, we have no time for this, this room will explode in a few short minutes. Now I suggest you leave, and take the route I told you"

"And you expect us just to let you walk away?" I ask, wondering what words of wisdom it's gonna use to wriggle out of that one. Does it really think we're just gonna let it leave? Unlikely Meshkent, unlikely.

"If you do not let me go, there will be no one to operate the gate for you to return home. If you let me go now, when tomorrow comes, I will open the gate and iris so you may go"

Damn...good answer, but not one I'm willing to put much faith in.

"How can we be expected to trust you, you're a Goa'uld!"

"Jack, as far as I can see you have no choice. The only other course of action for you is for one to remain to operate the gate unit, and I do not think you wish to be separated from each other, do you?"

She tilts her head and looks from me to Sam with a knowing look, and Sam meets my eyes. No, there's no way I'm gonna be separated from her again while we're still stuck here, and I know she won't let me stay while she gets home either. I guess we have no choice. I squeeze Sam's cold fingers, and the room starts to shake slowly, with a far off rumbling sound, and as I turn to talk to Meshkent she is already moving away. She stops and looks back, and with a small smile she yells over the rising noise.

"When tomorrow comes, be ready!" and then she vanishes among the many units and tanks.

Sam comes quickly to my side, and I take her fingers in mine and squeeze them as we turn and run out of the coldroom. We take the rough directions Meshkent gave us, having no other choice as we put some distance between us and the coffins full of Goa'uld, and a sudden roaring earthquake knocks us to our feet. We slide across the floor for a moment, then scramble to our feet and run on as small secondary explosions erupt around us. Seemingly out of immediate danger we work our way carefully along the empty corridor, and hefting a huge door open we find ourselves in another large hall featuring large circular water tanks and large transparent tubes full of coloured liquid. The water in the fenced tanks is slowly circulating, and all the water flows from the tanks and joins a wide channel cut into the floor which winds its way through a low gap in the wall, and continues off into the darkness. We stand and look around for a moment, then the sound of staff blasts out in the corridor behind us spurs us into action. We carefully search the room, looking behind all the giant tanks and around the corners, but it soon becomes apparent that there are no other exits.

"Looks like we're stuck here"

"Sounds like some serious fighting outside sir"

She's right. We can now clearly hear yelling and cursing, and then comes a loud thump at the door. Great.

"Looks like Meshkent sent us the wrong way, what a surprise" I knew it...I knew that damn snakehead would never...

"Sir, perhaps the water channel goes through into another room" She suggests, hanging over one railing to watch the gentle current.

"You mean swim it?" I offer, and she bites her lower lip before nodding in agreement. Well, we have no other choice. I take her hand and lead her over to the water, and we carefully sit on the edge and look at each other before making a move. The water is very, very cold, and we lower ourselves gingerly into its icy dark depths and push off from the edge. There's a gentle current pulling us, but we go slowly and carefully, feet just touching the ground and our zats readied in our hands, held out of the water. The roof gradually starts to get lower and lower, and suddenly we are plunged into darkness as we pass out of the room. We pass the next few minutes in darkness, letting the water pull us as we hold hands so as not to be separated, and finally we come out into a small area, accessible only by a walkway above us. There's a small ledge here, so Sam gets the map out to study, pointing at a thin route that winds around the complex.

"This must be the water channel sir, it appears it runs for quite a distance. If we follow it to the end we'll be close to the gateroom but on the other side"

I peer at the map over her shoulder, and nod my agreement. Good plan.

"Then we find someplace warm to hide out. We're probably safe in here but we'll freeze if we stay in this water too long"

She nods her agreement and folds away the map as we let ourselves drift once more. We spend the next ten minutes or so making our way slowly along the dim channel, and at a few points we have to duck under the water through large open gateways set low into the dividing walls. Now soaking from head to toe we shiver as we follow the curving walls onward. Occasionally we hear far off indicators of battle, but it seems no one has thought to check the water systems for prisoners, which is just as well.

Everything goes well for a while as we swim in silence, but slowly I become aware of a tugging under the water, and Sam clutches at my shoulder. I nod at her and we try to put our feet on the bottom and slow down, but it seems the channel has deepened, and my toes can no longer touch down. Shit...not good. This new strong current seems to have come from nowhere, and suddenly it drags us from below, and we are sucked to the left down a small tributary, only to come up gasping and spluttering some distance away. I try and grab at Sam but the current is even stronger here, and suddenly the ground drops away from me and I fall about ten feet before slamming down into another pool of water and am then sucked down a large pipe which twists and turns like a very unenjoyable water chute. Falling out of this I slam into another submerged ledge, winding myself, arms flailing, only to finally slide down a last watery ramp on my back to land in a small shallow pool, Sam joining me a few seconds later. I just lie panting, my mouth barely above water as I try to refill my lungs with air, and thankfully Sam manages to haul my heavy bulk to the side. We just lie for a few seconds, then I feel her get up and she starts to pat all over my body.

"Carter? What are you doing?" I ask breathlessly, thinking that this really is the wrong time for a quick feel. She stops then, and her face comes into view, and she doesn't look happy.

"Sir, we've lost the zats"

"Ah...sweet..."

She pulls me up and we shake off as much water as we can before I look around. This place looks much like the room we started off in, but arranged around the wall are lots of tables, covered in what look like water bottles. I remember seeing the guards with one once, so I grab one and fill it from a large clear tank, and after sniffing it and dipping my finger in I drink deeply. Yeah okay so I almost drowned but I'm thirsty okay?

"Uh sir..."

"Ahh...what Carter?...you want some?" I hold the bottle out to her but she shakes her head slowly. Oh what now.

"Sir, this looks like a treatment plant of some kind. Sir, it may not be the food that was used to give us the chemicals they were forcing on us..." She says, her voice trailing off, and I almost choke on my next swig. Oh...oh great. So that water is full of hormones and we just swam through it and swallowed half a gallon of it? Just what we need, thankfully we'll be out of here tomorrow. I just cock my head at her, raise an eyebrow, and hook the bottle onto my belt instead. Typical...we haven't eaten for ages and all we find is poisoned water. Just my luck.

"Let's go" I say, and open the door, and she follows me out.

We sprint down the corridor as fast as we can and find ourselves face to face with three guards. They look as startled as we are, and by the time their staff weapons are raised we are off around the next corner, and we keep going. By the time we get near the main corridor we find the fighting has finally found it's way here. I pull Carter behind a pillar and we scrunch down on the floor, and panting we watch a small group of screaming and yelling former prisoners tearing down the corridor carrying an assemblage of staff weapons, zat guns, and various melee weapons. A few of the guards turn and run ,and the others trail after them, firing at the prisoners.

"Way to go guys!" I whisper softly, and Carter turns to look at me with a little hope in her eyes. Maybe things will actually work out here. She nudges me and points to the large open hallway across the way, and we carefully make our way there behind the pillars. Once there we find a small set of stairs, and taking my hand she leads me up there and into a small office like room. We startle a guard while there but he's as weaponless as us so he simply pushes me out of the way and onto my back as he flees.

"Oof!"

"Sir?" Carter asks, worry evident on her face as she helps me up. The whole of the room is ransacked, and part of the wall has crumbled away, leading to what looks like a large version of the stone air conditioning tunnels.

"I'm fine Carter, it looks like this isn't the best neighbourhood anymore huh?"

"I don't think we'll be able to get close to the gateroom sir, our best bet is to hide out here until things die down, and make our way to it tomorrow"

"Yeah I think your right. I hope your lock holds, cause I sure as hell don't wanna get there tomorrow and find out the room is trashed"

She nods and sticks her head into the stone tunnel for a look. From here it smells dank and musty and looks very dark.

"Even if we get there sir, we still have to rely on Meshkent opening the gate for us"

"Yeah well, I'm not gonna bet my savings on that one, but I guess we don't have much choice"

"You have savings sir?" She asks cheekily, looking back at me out of the tunnel, and I roll my eyes and push her further in.

"Well I've enough to buy a gag for that mouth Carter" I answer her, and she smiles broadly at me, and disappears into the tunnel. I stand and look down at the hall for a moment, then follow her into the darkness. This looks as good a place as any to hide out.

Until tomorrow.




***************************************




"Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart?"

(If Tomorrow Never Comes - Garth Brooks)




***************************************




The fires burn brightly below us, and as we lie there on the rock ledge concealed high up in the walls I finally allow my breath to slow down. The fight still rages on in the compound, and now the combatants fill the hall below us and there are many bodies strewn on the floor, both guards and prisoners alike. We followed the stone tunnel for a while, and after removing some rubble and planks we found an area that looked undisturbed, and we had our place to hide out above the halls giving us a good vantage point. As the levels of adrenaline in my body fall I start to shake, and the cold finally permeates. Though fires burn the air here is still cold, and I can feel the Colonel shiver beside me. I move closer, and he does the same until we lie side by side, wordlessly looking out onto the battlefield. The combatants are tired now, but still they fight. Prisoner after prisoner goes down before the staff weapons of the guards, and their movements appear to be in slow motion, seen through the mist of our cold breaths. I feel tears prick at my eyes but I know there is nothing we can do to help, nothing at all. And then a soft voice comes from beside me, thick with despair.

"And we rose up against them, and they saw our rage and pain, and we broke them down with it"

I turn to look at him, and I see the fires dancing in the depths of his dark eyes. He turns to look back at me, and just then a stray staff weapon bolt strokes the plaster near us, and we scramble to our feet and squeeze into a gap that runs behind the latticing of the wall, and keep moving until we find a small area big enough for both of us to lie down comfortably. The Colonel pushes debris out of the way, and soon we have a small hollow to lie in. He pulls me over and down, and we settle next to each other with our backs against the wall. We have a long wait. He loops an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in tight, and I clutch at his jacket and try desperately to absorb some warmth from him. My clothes are still damp, and the cool air up here isn't helping. The Colonel seems to agree as he pulls me even closer, and wraps both arms around me, his head coming to rest on top of mine. We shiver together for a while, and eventually we start to warm up, and he loosens his arms, and moves slightly away from me. He looks at the floor in front of him, and I guess this is where he tells me the kiss was a mistake. Before he can speak I jump, taking the conversation elsewhere, at least for a while.

"I...I can't believe Rosay was a traitor"

"Yeah she was good alright, had me fooled. Sorry I suspected Reebin" He glances at me as he speaks, eyes full of regret.

"You had some good reasons sir, he did know a lot. I should have suspected Rosay, she was so quick to side with me, and her 'world' seemed so like ours"

"Ah Sam, no one suspected her, and you know me I suspect everyone"

"There were so many clues, I just didn't think. She was always making suggestions for the plans, the way her world was so like ours. Then when I was trying to look into the tank in the coldroom, she must have gone to get the guard to stop me"

"And she knew how to work the zat, I should have spotted that"

I nod and drop my head to my knees, and he nudges me.

"Sam, don't beat yourself up over it. Hey, if I hadn't suspected Reebo then she might never have shown herself!"

He beams at me, so pleased with himself at finding a reward for disliking Reebin, and I can't help but laugh a little. But just a little as I think about Rosay's fate now.

"Whatever she's done, I wouldn't wish this on her"

"Yeah. I don't trust that snake, for all we know he's setting us up right now"

"What choice do we have sir? I know he's a Goa'uld, but there is something different about him"

"Maybe Carter, but did you ever stop to think that his 'change of heart' could simply be the result of the drugs they were pumping into his host in that tank? Maybe this is the effect they were trying to achieve to control them. It might be temporary now he's running about in the open"

"Maybe sir, but I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt"

"He's no Tok'ra Major, and I don't even trust them entirely"

I look at him with hurt on my face, but he refuses to look at me. He once said he'll never, ever trust a Goa'uld, and I doubt he ever will. He likes my father well enough, and the two of them get on well, but his face always changes whenever Selmak appears. And let's not even bring up that other Tok'ra who he's less than smitten with.

"Well if Meshkent doesn't come through for us..."

"Then I'll work the DHD and you'll go home, and that's an order Major" He says firmly, giving me that I'm your CO look.

"Sir..."

"No arguments Carter, that's the way it'll go down. I want you safe" He says, his jaw tightening as he sits there, still staring defiantly at the opposite wall.

"But sir, I can't leave you here, I just can't...I...I..."

"Don't" He says softly, and when I look up from trying to stutter out some kind of reason for keeping him with me, his eyes are deep, and open, but they snap closed as I look at him, and his jaw is set firm. I look away. I recognise that look, that the 'we're never gonna talk about it' look that I've seen before after alternate realities, the look that always sent me a shock of pain. I let out a long breath and drop my head back against the wall. He pulls his cap from his head and ruffles his wet hair, stuffing his cap in his pocket. He claws at his face for a moment, glancing around, then he finally slams his hands down by his sides and speaks.

"Look...Sam...there's a few things we have to..."

"It's okay sir, I understand" I say, going into instant defence mode, but he refuses to let me just brush it under the carpet. He obviously wants this out in the open, wants this discussed. Why can't we just forget it like we normally do? I don't want to talk about it, don't want to hear him say it was a mistake, he was drugged, he has a girlfriend, I just don't want to hear it!

"No Sam, don't. We have to talk about this. I...I kissed you Sam..." He says then, head lowered and shoulders bunched as he tries to take all the blame. He stays quiet, waiting for my agreement, but how can I agree with an untruth like that?

"No you didn't"

He looks up at my words, confusion pulling his features together. He prepares to speak but I start before he can.

"We kissed each other" His eyebrows are all over the place for a few seconds, then he sighs and blows out his cheeks as he thinks. I find myself caught in his chocolate eyes as they search mine.

"Sam, there's so many things that...that..."

I know sir, I know. I know exactly what, or rather who, he's meaning.

"Do you miss her?"

"Do I miss who?"

He actually looks genuinely confused, his eyebrows jumping up as the topic ventures somewhere he maybe hadn't planned. I don't know whether to feel relief or anger. On the one hand I'm glad he didn't automatically think of her, and on the other I can't believe that the woman he's been dating isn't at the forefront of his mind, especially considering his current body chemistry.

"Hayes"

I try and say her name evenly, but I'm sure I clipped it. He cocks his head at me, then looks at the floor, a slight smile curving his lips. I swallow the bitter taste of bile and remind myself that we're just having a little chat about home. You know the funny thing is he has never, ever mentioned Hayes to me, he didn't even tell me that they were going out. I had to hear it from Danny after I saw them leave the base together one night. And that hurt me more than the fact her was seeing her. I mean I thought we had recovered our friendship and that it was even getting stronger, and for a short while I even thought it was maybe heading in a different direction, but then suddenly he veered off, and drew away from me, and then she appeared out of nowhere.

"I really like her Sam"

I drop my own head and nod. Of course he does, I know he does. He didn't need to say it, he didn't need to tell me that, to make me feel that sudden surprising stab of pain.

"I like her, but I don't love her, not yet"

"Could you love her?"

He thinks for a moment, his chin in his hands, and the flickering flames reflect in the deep pools of his eyes. The way those eyes light up when he thinks about her creates a stinging in my eyes that I desperately try to blink away.

"Yeah" He breathes, smiling gently, his eyes fixed on the wall, and I nod more for my own benefit than for his. Silence descends for a while and eventually I feel his eyes on me. But I can't meet them.

"Sam...why did you want to know?"

"I..." What the hell am I supposed to say? Because I'm a little jealous? Because I'm a little disappointed? Because I'm a little in love with you? I just continue to stare at my boots, focusing on every stitch in the worn material. He sits quietly for a while, then I see him face me once more.

"I want to love her Sam, I so want to. She's good to me and I've been trying so very hard to make myself move on"

I speak despite myself and raise my eyes to meet his. His brown eyes are so open and so deep that once caught by them, I just can't look away. Move on? What is he talking about?

"Move on from what?"

"You" He breathes, the word barely a whisper.

Me?...ME? I just sit there with my mouth open. He looks at me, and then seeing my expression he snorts and turns away shaking his head. A minute passes and I still can't think of anything to say so I simply stare at the back of his head. Eventually he flings up his arms and turns to face me, his red face showing his anger at my silence.

"You infuriate me you know that? I spend practically every day with you for the last three odd years, and you drive me crazy every second and you don't even notice do you? I just don't get you Carter, and I never will!"

He turns away again, and falls silent, and I give him the time to work of the anger as he slams his hand against his thigh repeatedly. What did he mean? Drive him crazy? Do I annoy him? Doesn't he like me? But he just said he couldn't move on from me, Oh God I'm so confused...Eventually I turn and face him again, and I find this time he looks amused, a small smile lifting his mouth, all traces of anger gone.

"How can you be so smart and so dumb at the same time?" He says, his voice soft and lilting, and again I find myself struck dumb. Finding no reaction from me he burrows his face in his hands, fingers digging in, then relaxes them and pulls them down his face. Then he turns to look at me, his eyes pleading, pleading for me to understand. Oh I know what I want him to be meaning, but I'm too scared to say, too scared.

"Sam..." He says, and his quiet voice makes me look up. He reaches out a hand towards me, and gently trails one dirty callused finger down my cheek. It may feel rough, but nothing has ever felt so good. I lean into the touch, and he pulls the finger away briefly, surprised.

"What did you mean move on from me?" I ask, and his eyebrows jump as he puffs up his cheeks at my directness. I'm sick of beating around the bush, and I want answers.

"I...well, let's just say I've been having a few thoughts about things I shouldn't be having thoughts about" He says, managing a small laugh. He trails his finger down my other cheek and I reach up and flatten his hand there with mine, savouring the warmth. He looks startled at first, then smiles a little. We just sit like that for a while, then I feel it's my turn.

"I've been having a few uh...thoughts of my own" I stutter.

He smiles a little, and his eyes lighten, and his fingers continue to stroke my skin under my hand.

"About...us?" He asks, hesitantly, seemingly just as afraid he's reading the conversation wrong as I am. I smile a squint smile when his eyes eventually settle on me again, and he smiles a little back.

"Yeah" I say, squeezing his fingers. He drops his hand from my face but takes mine with it, holding it in his lap as he plays with the fingers, smiling gently. We just sit and hold hands for a while, easing into this new admission and letting it settle over us, adjusting to its weight about our shoulders.

"So..." He says, voice trailing off, and he smiles a little at me before scrunching his face up us as he always does. It used to confuse me at first, seeing him do that, but after a while I realised he did it when he wasn't happy with his expression, when his face was betraying him with something he didn't want anyone to see. So he would scrunch it up and then release all the muscles, and having regained control he would formulate a more neutral expression, and hide his emotions away again.

"Sir..." I start, my voice halfway between admonishment and pleading, but he jumps in before I can have a chance to finish.

"Sam I really like you" He blurts, and we both look at each other in surprise at his words.

"I...really like you too sir"

"Uh...okay...I'm not at my most eloquent at the moment, but when I say I really like you, I mean I *like* you...uh...ah hell...I...you know what I mean"

"I know" I say, and squeeze his fingers for what seems like the hundredth time today, feeling strangely serene. Getting this whole thing out in the open just makes me feel so much better. I know it won't last, but I can't help but feel some hope.

"But I shouldn't...like you that is. I shouldn't for so many reasons. I tried to...deny it at first. I mean, we've been through so much together I thought it was maybe just because of that, but I always knew I was lyin' to myself, I was just scared to admit it, to me and...you"

"Scared?" I asked, incredulous. The very thought of Colonel O'Neill being scared of anything is quite alien to me. He spares me a quick 'don't even go there' look, but I still stare at him in awe, and he grips my hand and pulls at his collar with the other before answering in a rush of jumbled phrases.

"Yeah ya know, scared because you're so smart and beautiful and young and I'm well...I'm kinda none of those things. Scared you'd laugh at me, report me, hit me...I dunno...kick me in the nuts or somethin'..."

He tails off, his voice merely a grumble at the end with his head bowed, and I can't help but laugh again, and I lean over to nudge him in the ribs. He looks up with surprise at my laughter, and seems unsure whether to be terrified or glad at my reaction.

"Way to make a guy feel small Sam...Y'know, there's certain times when a woman really shouldn't be laughing...and doing that when a guys trynna let you know how he feels in his own dumb way is oh...say number two on the list"" He mumbles quietly but with a hint of mirth. I laugh again and he yanks on my arm to get my attention.

"And I don't need to tell you what situation number one is do I?"

I laugh some more, and he laughs with me, then I blush a little at the thought of *that* situation with him, then we both sober and lean back against the wall, our shoulders meeting. He lets out a sigh, then I turn my hand in his and hold his long warm fingers, marvelling at the feel of them entwined with mine, and the way he rubs his thumb in slow, lazy circles against my palm.

"I wouldn't have kicked you in the nuts sir" I tell him, and he wipes his free hand across his brow in an exaggerated gesture.

"Well that's a relief. Uh...and...would you have said yes? If I'd asked?"

"I...yes...I would have wanted to" I say, quickly covering my eager affirmative with a little reality check. Much though I wish reality would simply go away I know its not going to happen. But still I force it as far away as I can and concentrate on the feel of his warm hand, and his firm shoulder, and his deep and unusually open brown eyes. He nods, then loops an arm around my shoulders and pulls me against his side, and I let myself settle there, and relax a little, just a little. He shifts as he sits there to make himself more comfortable

"I want to be with you" He says softly, leaning into my side and allowing his head to rest on my shoulder for a brief moment.

"I want to be with you" I answer, feeling like my entire heart is being poured out in front of my eyes.

"I could retire..." He says, but only half heartedly. It's nice for him to offer but we both know it's not going to happen.

"No sir, I wouldn't let you. I could resign my commission and stay on as a scientist..." I offer, but he shakes his head.

"And I wouldn't let you do that either. And beyond that there aren't many choices, and due to the regs most of them end in court martial, and I will not allow you to put your career on your line and waste your life over me. Plus we'd have to try and keep it secret, and I'm just not happy with that, and...and I don't want to hurt Lucy..."

Stalemate again. He holds his hand flat over mine and sighs. I flinch inside every time I hear her name, I try not to, try not to hate her for having him but I just can't help it. I want him. I want him and I can't have him...can I? He shifts uncomfortably for a few moments, and then his face scrunches and relaxes, and it looks like reality just hit home for him as well.

"Sam I want to think that, I mean talking about the possibilities...it's...I want...I wish we...ah hell Sam, we...we can't...we can't do this" He says, slamming his face into his hands, then raking them back through his hair as the dream falls down around me. I knew it had to, I knew it, it's just I hoped that maybe we could string it out, for just a little longer, just a little. But no, better it stop now before I really start to picture myself with him, on his arm, in his life, in his bed. Far better to stop now.

He turns to look at me then, awaiting my opinion, and I nod in painful agreement and bite my lip. He watches me steadily, and I stare at the floor, feeling a deep trembling start from within me, and though I try so very, very hard not to cry, a single solitary tear frees itself from my eye and travels down my cheek and onto my lips, tasting of salt and pain, and a terrible loss. His expression turns to one of horror and I choke in a sob and sharply turn my head away from him. I don't want him to see, I don't want him to know how weak and pathetic I am.

"Oh Sam..." He says, and though I tense and try to brush him off his arms come around me. He pulls me close and forces me to turn in his arms, pulling my own arms around him.

"Come here" He says ever so softly, regretfully, and I do what he commands, as I always do. I crush myself against his chest and bury my wet face into his already damp fatigues. His arms hold me close and his chin presses down on top of my head, his clutching hands digging into my jacket. His heart pounds against my cheek, and his harsh breathing ruffles my hair as my soft sobs cut across the gentle hum of far-off machinery and the crackling of fires. Don't cry Sam, no crying. I will not cry. I will not cry over letting go of the man I have fallen in love with. I'll let him go and let him choose another, and I'll wish him well. He pulls me gently onto his lap and further into his embrace and he starts to rock me. I screw my eyes shut against this cruel world and choke on my sobs. All this time I'm been dreaming of home, dreaming of Earth, and now I don't want to go. I have him here, he's mine, but when we go home I'll have to let him go, I'll have to let him go.

Oh Sam you knew this from the start, you knew you couldn't have him, you knew it was never going to happen, but still you hoped, and wished, and dreamed. Well this is my nightmare, my hell. It would have been better if he didn't want me too, at least then I wouldn't feel so...so...cheated? Cheated is a fair word for it. We've been cheated. His chin slides from on top of my head and he presses a hot cheek against mine, and I press back. He sniffs once, then pulls his head away, and I gasp as I see his own face is wet, and his eyes glisten with tears he's trying so hard not to shed. His eyes are so dark, so sad, that I want to stop his pain, I so want to stop him hurting. Just go to her Jack, please, please don't hurt like this. I won't be responsible for his tears, oh please. He opens his mouth to speak and I press a finger to his lips to silence him. What more is there to say? He gently pulls my fingers from his face and reaches out and traces the track of my silent tears with a shaky finger. I tremble at that soft reverent touch and he moves forward to instinctively take me in his arms once more.

He curves his arms around my waist and pulls me towards him, sliding me up onto his lap, then he leans forward in what seems like slow motion and places his warm lips briefly against mine. The touch is light and trembling, and feels for all the world like a goodbye. I guess it is. Goodbye to something we never had, and something we never will. He pulls back for a brief second, then his lips descend suddenly again, harder, crushing my own lips against my teeth, and I extend my shaky arms around his now heaving chest to hold him there as long as I can. He kisses me harshly, desperately, and I respond, clutching at him in case he should somehow slip away, slip through my fingers. Its almost as though we're trying to condense whatever we would have had, could have had into one, last, frantic and hopeless kiss.

One last chance, because it'll all be over when tomorrow comes.




***************************************




Where are they?

Where in the hell are they?

Sam said she could rig up the DHD, she said she could do it, and if she ever says anything like that, then I know she'll do it. Well has she done it? And if she has why haven't they come back through? Maybe they've been captured. Maybe they're just waiting for the right time, maybe...

Where are they?

I can't help but fidget, but every time I do so someone turns and glares at me. I fidget again and this time strong hands pull me backwards and my back finds the wall as Teal'c lets me go and looks down at me with calm eyes. Good old Teal'c. The poor guy has been waiting here for the last few months for any word on us, and I've been waiting for just over a day and I'm a wrecking every sense of the word. The General in is his office, but he's been spending a lot of time here with the rest of us. Janet has been putting in her time in the control room, but now it's just Teal'c and I, and Captain Hayes. She's sitting talking to an airman on duty, trying to look inconspicuous, but I know she's here hoping to see Jack walk through the gate. I can't keep my eyes of her. Every time I look at her back I think of Sam in Jack's arms, the way they were with each other, their joyous reunion after a brief hours separation, and the new bond I felt between them. How is this going to affect Jack's relationship with Hayes? To be honest I was a little surprised when they got together, she never struck me as Jack's type, but they both seemed happy enough so I was simply happy for Jack. But what about Sam? I always knew she cared for him deeply, and though she never let it show, I always thought there was something in her eyes when Hayes and Jack were together, and to be honest I always thought it strange that Jack never, ever mentioned Lucy in front of her. And Jack? Well you'd have to be blind not to see how much he cared for Sam, yearned for her maybe, but I always got the impression he wanted it left unsaid, almost as if he just never considered himself a contender. He seemed satisfied just to be there for her, protect her, be her friend, but how is he going to be now he's had more?

Easy Daniel, conclusions and jumping, it's something I'm rather good at. For all I know nothing happened between Sam and Jack, but something tells me that's unlikely. And even worse knowing them they'll come back home and just ignore it, push it away to the backs of their minds until the pain and questions fade away and they get on with their lives until the next time. But things are different now, Jack has Lucy, and the stakes are no longer the same. I turn to watch her again and her face has lost its smile as she looks out into the gateroom and at the silent, taunting gate. Doesn't Jack see it? Doesn't he see that when she spews her theories and laughs at him and loves being with him that in the harsh cruel light of reality that she's just a poor replacement for Sam? A Sam he can have but doesn't really want? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he does love her, but it just doesn't feel like it. I have felt more 'love' or whatever in the air during the last few days I was reunited with Sam and Jack than I have felt between Jack and Lucy over the last few months they've been seeing each other. Plus Jack doesn't really talk about her much to me when we're alone, which really surprised me. Not that Jack is exactly the type to kiss and tell so to speak, but I thought he would have said something about their relationship at some point, but no, he rarely ver mentions her name other than to say 'I've gotta go pick up Lucy' or 'I'm seeing Lucy tomorrow night, can't make it'. A few times I've asked him how things are going between them, and he'll pause, lower his bottled beer from his mouth and say 'Yeah, fine' and start another subject. I never really thought to pry, because for a start its none of my business, and not having known Jack when he's been in a relationship, I thought maybe he was just a private man in these areas, and left it at that. Lucy on the other hand made no secret of how happy she was with him, and her feelings for him, but once or twice I caught he looking at Jack when SG1, and more specifically him and Sam were sharing a joke. Maybe she saw it too, whatever it is between them, but the important thing is she cares for him, and she's waiting like the rest of us.

Footsteps pull me out of my pondering then, and I watch as a weary Jacob Carter walks to the General's office, knocks and then enters. He's not taking this well. It took them weeks to finally get a message through to the Tok'ra as there had been a lot of upheaval, and they had done quite a bit of moving around. Jacob got here a few days before I came back, and he was at the briefing right after my medical. I told him everything I knew about Sam and he seemed satisfied, only to call me back before I left to get some sleep. I walked up to him, curious as to what he had to say to me away from the others, and suddenly he dipped his head, then looked up at me, eyes alive with light, and I felt a shiver go up my spine. Oh I know Lantesh is a Tok'ra and all, but I always find it just a little grating when she takes over.

"Colonel O'Neill had better take good care of Samantha, or he will have me to answer to" The eerie resonant voice said. I found my voice after a few seconds of shock.

"Uh, I'm sure he will Lantesh, you needn't worry about that"

Again the head bobbed, and once again Jacob came to the fore, looking a tad embarrassed.

"Daniel, I apologise for Lantesh, she can get a little, protective about Sam, sometimes even more than me" He chuckles, but his eyes aren't laughing.

"Look, I'm sure that..."

"It's okay Daniel, I have to go rejoin the rest of the Tok'ra now, but I'll stay in touch"

"They'll get back safe Jacob, I know they will"

"Oh I'm sure of that Daniel, but something tells me that's the least of their worries. Let's just hope Jack comes to his senses huh?" And then he was gone. I just stood and pulled on my collar for a moment, wondering about what he said, but though I try and come up with some other reasons, there's only one possibility, which begs the question...how the hell does he know? It took me that much to maybe think that maybe there's something between them, and Jacob is only here for a few days every couple and months and...ah hell, I guess Lantesh must be casting some unique perspective on him. Well, I pity Jack when he does get back, he might be due a tongue thrashing.

Someone is on the stairs again, and I turn to see Reebin walk into the room and up to my side with a sigh.

"How's Alith?" I ask. I haven't been to check on her since yesterday.

"She is recovering. Your treatments are amazing Daniel"

"I guess they are"

He turns to look out the window at the gate, and I turn with him. Come on Jack, come on Sam, we're waiting on you two. All we need is for you to come home and everything will be better, all our problems will be over.

Mind you, I get the feeling that yours will just be starting as I see Reebin to my right and Hayes to my left. Come on guys, we're waiting. I know that it might be a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire, but you'll be home.

Please come home.




***************************************




"If tomorrow never comes,
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day,
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through,
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past,
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes,
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of,
If tomorrow never comes"

(If tomorrow never comes - Garth Brooks)




***************************************




I had almost forgotten what it feels like.

To walk the world, feel the ground beneath my feet and be able to interact with it, and see what each place has to offer me.

Well, several hours here and I've come to the conclusion that this world isn't worth the dust its made of. I have some very vague memories of how this place appeared in my youth, and let's just say those halcyon days are a long, long way away. What used to be a lush, verdant world covered with gentle streams and majestic mountains now lies flat and wasted and barren. Believe me when I say I take no pleasure in this sight, I am no longer excited and stimulated by the signs of war, and destruction, and the futile grasp for power with bloody fingers.

I have changed.

A part of me wonders idly if the chemicals they used on me did change me, if this is the result. What am I then, a Goa'uld with a blank slate? Perhaps. My ancestral memory is patchy and fading fast, and I no longer feel them tugging me in directions to fuel their own posthumous thirst for conquering. I feel...free for lack of a better world, but after having peeled some panelling back on one of the outer walls I was finally able to see outside, and I have certainly seen enough to realise it is a place not worth going. I wonder idly what Rosay's comments would be right now, but so far I have keep her subdued and silent, and out of the way until I can fully adjust to her body, and hopefully find some way out of here. Well, there is only one way isn't there? The stargate, but I have no idea where I will go. I remember some addresses, and Rosay knows some that I can use to at least get off this world, and after that, I guess it's up to me...well...us. Once this is all over and we are out of here I'll perhaps talk to her, try to come to some sort of arrangement. Perhaps.

In the meantime I have more pressings concerns, those two Tau'ri I left to run around the complex, expecting me to come dial them home. I have no idea why I said I would, I think at the time I was so grateful to be free that I would have given them anything, and now...now I feel a reluctance to help them. Why should I be the one to return them to their lives and homes and dreams? I know that without me they would probably find a way, but as I surmised before, one would have to remain, and neither would let this come to pass, and I do not know why.

~They are in love~

I start in surprise at the sound of a sudden bitter voice somewhere in the back of my head, and realise I am woefully out of practise if Rosay is able to struggle to the surface so easily while under my greatest level of control. Love? Love is a concept I am relatively unfamiliar with, but though inexperienced myself, I am aware of its power, its indefinable nuances and pervading strength. Yes, I do believe you are right Rosay, that must be it. I firmly push her away in my mind, not stopping to let her answer, and get to my feet.

I slowly head off and start to wander away, still having not decided what I am to do. Them being in love makes no odds to me, their short insignificant lives are of no consequence in this universe anyway.

Are they?

Still, even if I helped those two humans, what about the rest here, what about this place with the bodies of my people? I walk on, content in the belief that a solution will present itself to me as I make my way to the facilities power hub.




***************************************




Finally the battle has ended.

I don't know who won, and to be perfectly honest I really don't care. I glance down at my watch and it's seven in the morning. I stretch my back against the uncomfortable wall, and zip my jacket right up to the top. It got really cold sometime in the middle of the night, and though we found a few rags to pile on top of us, it didn't really make much difference. I woke some hours ago, and in the dark I just listened to the fighting rage on outside, but eventually the blasts and shouts and screams subsided, and it seems the victors, whoever they were, went elsewhere. Well all the better for us, the emptier the corridors to get us to the gateroom the better. I hear a snuffle beside me, and Sam brings her sleeve up to wipe at her nose, then quickly tucks her hand back under her opposite armpit and shivers. I snuggle further against her shoulder and she leans into me, taking my gift of warmth. It's all I have to offer her now, everything else has been done, and said, and decided. I wonder idly if we should get up and make our way, but it's only an idle thought, as like I said before I just don't care. I feel as though my very will has drained away, and even the thought of home doesn't rouse me. In fact, the thought of home just depresses me even more, and a tiny part of me hopes we won't live to see it. Sure I'd get my life back, but I'll lose something that at the moment is much more important to me...Sam.

My watch beeps suddenly, and I push my sleeve up to see the numbers blinking at me.

"What time is it?" Comes a subdued voice, and I turn to find her tired blue eyes gazing up at me from behind her crossed arms that rest on her knees, hiding most of her face, that beautiful face.

"Seven hundred hours" I tell her, and she nods and leans further into me. I loop my arm back around her shoulder, and tug her jacket shut over her chest, I don't want her getting a cold. She snuggles into my chest, and I enfold her in my arms and try not to breathe in the singular scent of her hair.

"We'd better go" I say, and she nods, sighing, before letting go. She moves quickly out of my embrace and gets to her feet, and I just sit there and watch her zip her jacket up and tie a loose lace. She's so calm and collected, so ready to go home. I'm not. I'm not ready but I'll go anyway. Because I'm not going to get anymore ready no matter how much time we spend here. I drag my carcass up from the floor and pull my own jacket tight around me zipping it up, marvelling about how quickly it's all over. I rake a hand through my mussed hair and hike my pants up a notch before stepping up beside her, and only then do I see the painful uncertainty and loss on her face. She finds a matching expression on mine and we both turn away, reluctant to acknowledge either our own feelings or each others. We talked about it remember? We decided.

We make our way down into the hall below, and its quiet, oh so very quiet.

"Creepy" I say, and she acknowledges me with a nod, and moves to the door. I find myself rooted to the spot. This is it, I mean, we're going, we're moving, and possibly in a few short hours we'll be home, or dead, and for a brief moment I have to wrestle with the idea of which I'd prefer. Well regardless of me I want her to get home, I want her to be safe, and I won't let any of my selfish ideas get in her way again. I will not.

We pass out into the corridor, and here the battle damage is severe, and some of the wall has crumbles away. Sam takes a quick look up and down, then steps out following the corridor to the left. I follow on her heels but pause as we cross a large pile of stones and rubble, and gaze thoughtfully downwards. Sam trots to the next hallway and stops, looking back, seeing my attention elsewhere.

"Sir?"

Sir. Damn but that title just doesn't sound right, not anymore. I turn and hold one finger up to signal her to give me a minute, and she gives me the briefest nod before assuming a crouch, and watching all the exits. There's a good little military girl. Stop it Jack, you're the one who told her first that we couldn't do this, you did remember? Yeah well she didn't exactly protest did she. Well what if you'd asked her if she wanted to flaunt regs and her life? Then you would have been disappointed Jack, better this way, yeah maybe. Okay, enough talking to yourself buddy, first sign of madness and all.

Sensing Sam's annoyance at my hesitation I start to sift through the rubble, and after a few seconds I pretty much find what I'm looking for. I hunker down and select seven similar sized rocks, and after weighing each one in my hands and comparing shape, I stuff them in my pockets. I have to split them up and some go in my pants and some in my jacket, and when I stand I feel their extra weight dragging at me. This is one hell of a crazy idea, but it might just work. I turn and jog down the corridor, and when I get to Sam she merely raises an eyebrow, but I don't stop for chat, I jog on past and hear her start behind me as we head for the gateroom, and home.




***************************************




And so we run.

The halls are a lot quieter now, and there are a lot of dead, and as we step over corpses and avoid pooled blood I wonder who won? Maybe the prisoners did, and maybe they escaped, and maybe the guards did, and they're slowly taking control. Well, it doesn't really matter now, the only that does matter is getting home.

Home.

That word doesn't have half the ring to it used to.

Oh I want to get back, believe me I do, but some things will just never be the same. We arrive at some fallen debris, and Jack stops to help me over, his hands lingering on my sides as he lowers me down, our eyes meeting for a brief second before he draws a deep breath and moves on ahead. Yeah, some things will never be the same. I follow him at a jog as we traverse the corridors, skulking in shadows without our weapons, fearing attack. I mean I knew he was seeing Lucy before, but because we'd never spoken about it, and he never mentioned her in front of me it never seemed to late, we hadn't reached the point of no return. Well, now we have, we came to that point, made our choices, chose our direction and now we're going to stick to it, to the end.

"This way" He says, and yanks on my sleeve. I go with him, and we stalk the quiet corridors shoulder to shoulder, and more often than not, hand in hand. His fingers are terribly cold, but they seem to fit perfectly in mine, and I feel that his hand in mine is my only connection to reality. A reality that I don't really want to let in but reality nonetheless. Finally we arrive at the main corridor where the gateroom is, and the battle has long left here. There are no bodies or discarded weapons this time though, and it looks like someone has made at least a partial effort to clean the place up. Maybe a group has started to restore some sort of order, but there are lots of people here, and I doubt that the fighting would be over in a matter of a day. We stalk carefully, and finally we round the last corner and come face to face with the door to the gateroom. Thankfully it's still shut, and the massive metal clad gate is bent and buckled in places, with the remains of a makeshift battering ram lying abandoned to one side. Jack prods the large log with an outstretched tow, then pushes on the unmoving gate a few times before turning to me with a grin.

"Looks like your lock held Sam"

"Looks like it sir" I reply, and he takes watch while I flip open the panel near the floor and withdraw my trusty shard of metal and begin work. The locks I set up were fairly simple yet convoluted, and its going to take a while to work through them. Plus it seems like there's been a few more power outages, and with the coldroom destroyed things are a little all over the place. I work steadily for fifteen minutes as Jack keeps watch, and finally I'm down to the last level of encryption. I shift in my uncomfortable position, and finally I have to drop to my knees. Jack settles down beside me, back to wall, and keeping watch constantly as he leans out of the small alcove the door rests in to watch the corridors. Finally I come to the last combination, and I press the metal against several sockets, but my hand pauses over the last one, the one that will operate the door, and refuses to move. Jack leans back in from taking another look, and he glances at me, only to stop as he seems my hesitation. This is it, this is the final movement that will get us home. Oh I know the gate needs to be working, and the iris, and someone else has to dial us in, but for some reason this appears to be symbolic. My hand starts to tremble slightly as I hold it still, and then it stops as Jack's hand closes around it. I turn to face him, and his face is slack, his mouth slightly down turned and his eyes sad. He knows it too. He tries to smile, but his lips only lift slightly then fall again, and instead he grips my hand, his eyes saying everything.

We have to go home.

No matter what's happened between us, and no matter what ever else we want, we have a duty to ourselves and others, and they're waiting for us. It's not as if we could have any kind of life here, and a suspension of what's waiting for us would only last for so long. With that I steel myself and nod, and he lets go my hand. I firmly press the socket, connecting the final circuit and the door jerks open halfway and stops.

"Better than nothing" whispers Jack, then he stands and extends his hand down to me. I take the offered fingers and he pulls me to his feet, then our eyes meet for a brief second before we go inside.

The gateroom is pretty much how we left it, and I notice with satisfaction that the iris is partially withdrawn. Stepping inside the gates radius we manage to retract it the full way, and finally we step back, brushing off our hand and simply admire the perfect ring, our way home.

"Well, all we need now is someone to dial up and someway to get them to open the iris back home" I say, resting my hands on my hips. Jack snorts at my words, and turns towards me.

"Yeah just a couple of teensy problems huh Sam? Nothing we can't handle"

And with that we do the only thing we can, we wait.




**************************************




Two hours have passed and Jack has started to pace again. I know its only a matter of time before he says what I know is coming. From here there's nothing we can do but wait, and I know he hates the fact that our lives are in a Goa'ulds hands. The only other alternative is unthinkable though, but as I sit here on the cold gate steps I know he's about to...

"That's it! Sam, that snake ain't gonna come, we never shoulda trusted it and let it walk free in the first place. Look, you stay here, I'm gonna go work the gate...woah!"

I was standing up to argue, but his tirade was stopped by the ground shaking beneath our feet. It was accompanied by a deep far off rumble, a sound that reverberated through my chest and my throat.

"What the hell was that?" He says, and I spin to look at him as he watches small pebbles rattle around on the floor, suddenly brought to life by the vibrations coursing through the place.

I'm just about to voice whatever possibilities I can up with in the next few seconds, when a crackly resonant voice comes from all around us.



"Meshkent, what are you doing?" shouts Jack, looking upwards as he spins around, searching for the cameras we know are there.



"But there are still people here, innocent people! You can't just blow the place up!"



I look at Jack and I can see his jaw working as he thinks. Should we give him the symbols? I mean even if he has them there's no way he could get through the iris, and I don't even know if we can yet. If we don't he'd going to blow this place, with us in it. What choice do we have?

"Sir?" I ask, and he turns to look at me, his mind still working, looking for a solution. He looks into my eyes and sees my answer, and nods. We have no choice.

"And what about you Meshkent? You expect us to believe you're just gonna die in here when this place goes up?"

There's a pause then, and Jack looks a little smug, thinking he's caught her, but the voice comes back again, dangerous and low, but dripping with humour.

"And just what choices do you believe you have Jack?"

Jack's face goes stiff and set, and loath though he obviously is to admit it, he knows its true. Its either home or death this time, and we have to choose home. He sighs then, raking a hand through his hair, and turns to me. I shrug slightly, and he nods almost imperceptibly before waggling his hand at me, his entire body sagging and admitting defeat.

"Tell him the address" He says softly, and I dictate to Meshkent. We're not fond of giving out Earth's address, but in this case it's unlikely to go to anyone who can use it. If Meshkent does what he says he's going to do, then it won't matter what he knows. I call out the symbols to Meshkent, but he gives no reply. Jack looks at me, a long meanigful look, then he pulls me to one side away from the steps as the chevrons slowly start to light up. He's going to do it, he's going to send us...home.

The gate starts to creak slightly, then thrum, and Jack yanks me to one side as the wormhole splashes outward then back and the pool-like event horizon forms in front of us. I open my mouth to ask him how the hell he intends to get us through the iris, but he holds a finger up, and starts to pull something from his pockets. He repeats the process again and again, until eventually he has seven small rocks sitting in his hands. I raise an eyebrow, and he grins, wearing his best 'watch this!' expression. He readies the first rock in his throwing hand, then holding the others ready in his free hand, he tosses it through. He quickly moves on to the next rock, as he throws the slurps of the gate make a rhythm, a rhythm that I finally manage to pin down. I turn to him, incredulous, and he grins at me. Those rocks will hit the iris with the same intervals, and with the sound objects make as they hit, hopefully they'll know its us and let us come home. I turn to Jack to congratulate his idea, but his face has sobered as he watches me, and the gates light plays over his regretful features, and I nod in sympathy with his feelings.

He takes a few steps over to me, and pulls the edges of my jacket tight together under my chin, brushing a little soot from my sleeve in an afterthought. Then he hauls something from his pocket and hurriedly unfolds it as the clamour from next door increases. He reaches out and tugs his dusty cap down securely onto my head, and tucks some of my hair behind my ears. He pauses a moment and his hand hovers by my face, then he lets it fall and his fingers curl instead around mine.

"Let's go Sam"

And as we leap through the wormhole, the room behind us shakes and gives way in a huge and terrible explosion.




***************************************




I hold my breath and feel the curious half falling, half swimming sensation caused by the wormhole, then the extreme cold hits me in a wave and slowly ebbs away as I step wearily through the gate, and all at once I'm assailed with a battery of senses. The gate alarm is ringing, people are yelling and screaming and cheering, and the clang of my boots on the ramp seems to ring unbearably loud in my head. Jack's fingers crush mine, and the gate snaps shut as we walk slowly and wearily towards the gateroom, and home.

A sea of people rush forward, and dozens of pairs of arms try and hug me all at once. I get pulled one way and Jack the other way, and in the rush and the cheering and the happy friends we drift apart and his fingers slide away from mine. My father takes me up in a huge hug, and as I'm half carried towards the door I turn back to look for Jack and I watch impassively as Captain Hayes pushes her way through the throng to his side and flings herself at him. He enfolds her in his strong arms and hugs her close, grinning madly as those green eyes look up at him adoringly and everyone cheers. I leave the gateroom with the sounds of laughter and cheering and happy voices following me, and move numbly along the silent corridor. My father and Janet lead me to the infirmary, and I simply let them take me, let them drag me. I've been through so much the last few days, and the fatigue descends so very quickly, and all I can do is follow them. They sit me on a bed and then Janet bustles around to start her tests and Dad goes to get me something to eat. And I just sit there. I sit with my feet dangling over the edge of the bed, alone in a quiet infirmary with a soft, worn cap in my hands.

I guess we're home.




***************************************




I can't contain my grin.

I sit at the head of the table and look around at my people, and my mouth hurts as the muscles start to protest. Doctor Jackson and Teal'c sit grinning with me, and the newly cleaned up and very tired looking Colonel and Major sit opposite them, their weary, pale faces a sight to behold as their own lips are lifted slightly upwards at the edges. They both look so very tired, and I know I owe it to them both to keep this briefing as short as possible. Seeing the two of them step back through that wormhole was the best thing I have seen since the other member of SG1 did the same. They were quickly bustled to the infirmary after many a welcome, and after a short period to allow them to freshen up they're here, home, in the SGC where they belong. They've already given me a detailed report on their actions since they sent Daniel and the others home, and it sounds like they went through one hell of an ordeal. No matter, they're here now, and though Doctor and I feel that keeping them on base for the next week or so is recommended, they have some serious downtime coming.

"So the compound has been entirely destroyed?"

"Must be General, we felt one hell of an explosion when we came through, Meshkent must have done a number on the whole place"

"Meshkent...yes...a Goddess of birth, uh...said to be present at the day of judgement" Intones Doctor Jackson thoughtfully as he chews on his pen, and we all turn to face him.

"Yeah well I think he, she, it, whatever just made his own day of judgement, and everyone got judged...everyone" Grumbles the Colonel, sinking low in his chair, and I can clearly see fatigue setting in.

Jackson merely nods, and Major Carter also starts to sag. They glance at each other briefly, and I can only wonder at what they went through to get home, and the method that they used to let us know it was them was certainly inventive! When the gate opened Jackson was sure it was the missing Major and Colonel, but that wasn't going to be enough, and then we heard it. There came the distinctive sound of something not quite reintegrating and we all winced. It wasn't big enough to be a person, and more sounds followed, and I turned to look at Jackson to see if I'd heard correctly. Teal'c, as could be expected simply looked confused, but Jackson started to grin.

"Its them!"

His pleading eyes bored into, and I had to admit that it was unlikely an alien would know that particular rhythm.

"How can you be sure Daniel Jackson?" Asked Teal'c, and Jackson started to bang his knuckles on the top of the monitor in front of him, repeating the rhythm again and again.

"See Teal'c? 'Shave and a haircut, 2 cents!" Teal'c looks nonplussed, but by now everyone is the control room is looking at me, and I had to make a decision.

"Open the iris"

Seconds later two grubby figures were roughly expelled, and when they finally stood upright it was them, our missing friends, safely home.

"So, we're sure this Goa'uld is dead?"

The Colonel ad Major glance at each other, and the Colonel shrugs his tired shoulders as he looks at me.

"You saw how violently we were flung out of the gate, if we'd waited any longer the explosion might have been enough to send us somewhere else, she must be dead"

"Okay SG1, its good to have you all together again, and I'm sure you could do with some time to rest, so there will be no missions for you until Friday. Colonel, Major, if you'll report for your full medical, and please stay on base until the end of the week. Dismissed. And with that, they rise and leave. The movements of the Colonel and Major are slow and sluggish, but that is to be expected. They part and go their separate ways at the door without eye contact, and I can't help but notice they've been subdued, and unusually nervous with each other. Still, nothing a good dose of downtime won't fix.

I'm sure of that.




***************************************




"So I'm free to go?"

"Yes Colonel, you've got the all clear for now, but I recommend you don't go far. I think the General would prefer you stay on base"

"So I'm all clean, no elevated hormones or anything?"

"Well it does look like your hormone levels have been artificially manipulated, but they seem to be within normal limits now, nothing to worry about"

With that she smiles and walks away with my chart, and I ease myself off the bed and onto my feet, my body tender all over due to a myriad of tests and needles and prodding and probing. That's the worst part about having been off-world for an extended period of time, a full no holds barred medical of epic proportions. I sigh and roll my shoulders, and looking around I see that the rest of the infirmary is empty. Its late evening now, and everyone else has no doubt retired to bed with no teams off-world. Sam has long since had her medical, but I was stuck in a meeting for hours with the General, discussing threat reports and all kinds of boring paperwork, and no doubt she's asleep now. Not that I want to talk to her or anything, it's just I like to know where she is, I like to know she's okay.

I step away towards the infirmary door, and as I pause to say goodbye to the Doc my hand comes into contact with the bottle still hanging at my waist. I stop and think for a moment, my thoughts all over the place, and then I step back over to Frasier's office, and I stick my head round the door.

"Colonel, something else I can help you with?"

"Uh yeah, as a matter of fact there is. Could you test this water for me, find out if there's anything in it?"

She takes the bottle from my hand and examines it curiously, her face thoughtful as she looks back up at me.

"Looking for anything in particular?" She asks, eyebrows raised.

"Ah...not really no, just let me know if you find anything"

"No problem Colonel, I'll let you know"

And with that I say my goodbyes and leave the infirmary, my mind buzzing with a whole lot of things I told myself I wasn't gonna think about. I round the corner then to find Daniel and Lucy outside my quarters, and when they see me they smile and walk over and I do the same.

"All better?" Daniel smirks, and I rub at my abused behind giving him a glare.

"Yeah just great thanks, you just hanging around to hassle me?"

"Well Sam's asleep and I thought you could do with some company" He says, and his eyes flick to Lucy as his smile falters slightly. I raise my eyebrows slightly to enquire, but he just waves his hands between Lucy and I again then takes a step backward.

"But...I can see you tomorrow, and I'm sure you two have some...ah...catching up to do" With those last words he looks at me with an indefinable expression and leaves, and Lucy and I are left alone. She beams up at me with those green eyes and I smile, opening my quarters and letting her precede me. She stands just inside the door, looking up at me, and I swallow deeply before I walk into her open arms.




***************************************




I draw a deep, sweet breath into my lungs and shade my eyes with my hand against the harsh light, hugging my jacket closely around me as I shiver a little from the cold. It was summer when we left Earth last, and it's autumn now.

We've been gone so long.

Glad though I was to see the SGC, as soon as we were cleared to leave I drove out and further up the mountain, just to get a look at this world I'd missed so very much. We've been stuck on base for almost a week now, and I've been desperate to get some fresh air, and hopefully a little perspective. It's so quiet up here, so very quiet. Well it was. I drove up here so I could get a little air, have a little time to think, to see the world I love so much again, and just be alone. And I haven't managed to do any of those things, especially the being alone part. I had already said a quick goodbye to Reebin on the base and I just had to get out of there and get up here, to think, and he came to find me. If I was perfectly honest I set myself up to be found, but Reebin wasn't the one I wished would come after me. God I hate it when I betray myself like that, I don't want anyone to come after me, I want to be alone, but again I've put myself in a position to be hurt, way to go Sam. So anyway I was simply standing admiring the view when a USAF jeep pulled up and Reebin leapt out of the passenger side. He stopped and looked around for a while, and I could tell even without looking that he was impressed. The continent where he lives on his world was mostly flat, and he had never seen mountains before. I had so wanted to say goodbye on base and leave it like that, but he wouldn't have it, and so I had to say goodbye again, make him understand.

I'm sorry Reebin.

I feel bad about sending him away like I did, it's not his fault. I mean, a relationship of any kind with him would be hard enough to sustain when we're both so different, and are even living on different planets, but I couldn't be involved with anyone right now. Not when I still have these feelings twisting around inside of me. Not when I still...I hear a car pull up on the road behind me, and I sigh. Reebin's already driven away twice and come back just to check in case I had changed my mind. The first time he did it I almost wondered if I had, but when I sent him away that time I knew I was doing the right thing. Maybe not for the right reason, but definitely the right thing. God if that's him again his driver must be getting annoyed. The door opens and closes and for a while that's the only sound. I take a deep breath and prepare myself. No Reebin, I've made up my mind. Please. I turn my gaze out over the hill and the wind whips my hair up and it blows into my face. It's gotten long. I push the hair out of my eyes and I suppose I should go and get it cut. It just reminds me of that other place. The gravel crunches them as someone walks across it, and I clutch my arms around myself as the person approaches.

"Carter?"

I spin to look over my shoulder, and Jack, all bundled up in a warm jacket and a scarf with his hands jammed into his pockets comes up to my side to share the view, a borrowed jeep sitting on the road behind me. He takes a deep breath of the crisp clean air and gazes out over Colorado Springs. I have to suck in a deep breath when I look at him, because I've rarely seen him since we got back. I've seen him in briefings and in the infirmary and in the commissary once or twice when he's insisted that SG1 eat together, but never alone. I haven't gone out of my own to avoid him, and I don't think he has either, but somehow we've managed to stay apart, and I think under the circumstances its probably for the best, giving us some space. I know he's been made to stay on base with me though, and I must say I'm glad, because I was glad just knowing he was somewhere close, and somewhere safe. He takes another deep breath, shading his eyes from the bright sunlight and I turn to look at him.

"Sir?"

He continues to stare, and then he turns and glances around him, as if expecting someone else to be there.

"Reebin gone?" He asks, looking down over the edge once more.

"Yeah...eventually"

"Boy's persistent huh?"

"Yeah" I smile. "His world are so pleased that we saved him that they have offered to join us in out fight against the Goa'ulds. And Reebin will most likely be made their ambassador to us"

"Hey that's good huh? You'll get to see more of him"

"Yeah..." I reply, letting my voice trail off.

He's silent for a moment, then the roadside gravel crunches again as he takes two steps closer.

"You don't sound too happy about that" He states.

"He...he wants..."

He stands stiffly looking out, and I don't even know why I'm telling him this, why I even want to tell him this.

"He wants more, more than friendship...from me..."

His posture remains the same, but his face scrunches up for a few seconds as he digests that information. It doesn't matter what he thinks, we know there's nothing between us, but I can tell he's still protective of me when it comes to Reebin.

"And what do you want?" He asks, twisting towards me for a minute, but his eyes never straying from the view. I don't answer him. I can't answer him because I don't even know the answer myself

"From him..." He adds quickly, as he pulls his hands from his pockets and rubs then together. Nice clarification Jack...nicely done. What do I want from Reebin? Nothing...just his gentle, trusting friendship, nothing more, nothing less. Let's stick to the truth shall we? I copy his pose and warm my hands, then turn to my left to watch his reaction from the corner of my eye.

"Nothing"

"Nothing?"

"Nothing" I turn to face him, and I refuse to elaborate until he looks at me. He turns slowly and raises his eyebrows, waiting for details. I sigh...why do I feel like I have to give him details? And why does he feel he deserves them?

"I like him, but only as a friend. He's a friend sir, nothing more"

He nods once, then turns back to the scenery. Great...this, whatever this is, is like pulling teeth. I wish he hadn't come. Obviously he feels we need to talk, or at least get back into the habit of talking. We've hardly said two words to each other since we came home, and mostly because neither of us have had anything to say. We said it all. He says something then. Something soft, not meant for my ears, but I hear it. 'Good' he said. 'Good'...How dare he...how dare he be happily involved with Lucy and still deny me anything? I turn sharply away as his jaw moves, as the sight of those muscles flexing just reminds me too much of what it felt like to kiss him. He puts a hand out to pull me round, and it burns right through my uniform and scalds me. I try and pull away but he pulls me roughly against him, his face drawn, eyebrows down, looking angry and hurt and confused. What is he trying to do, is he trying to make my life a misery? Or is he just going to shout at me and command me to pull myself together and get on with it, just deal with it? He reaches a hand for my cheek, but I jerk away step slowly backwards out of reach before he can touch me. I don't think I'd be able to hold myself together if he touched me.

"How's Lucy?" I ask, my voice betraying my deliberate attempt to cause him pain, and guilt, but his face only looks even more confused, and more than a touch hurt. It doesn't feel nice does it Jack, does it? But it seems I am just trying to get myself hurt even more by forcing the subject. Do I really need to hear him say he loves and wants her and not me? Well maybe I do, and maybe I need him to hurt me, maybe I'm getting used to it.

"She's fine as far as I know" He says, looking only confused now, and his voice is quiet and meek, his eyes deep and pleading.

What kind of horrible thing is that to say? As far as he knows? He really sounds like the caring boyfriend doesn't he? He brings his hands up to sketch the air, but they form nothing cohesive, and his voice falters.

"Well...things have been...I haven't really...I...we..."

He turns away, and I can tell he's seriously contemplating leaving, just because he's lost control off the argument. Well what did he come up here for? Just to gloat that I'm alone and he's not? He stands fiddling with his scarf and glancing at me, and I get the distinct impression that he wants to say more. So what do I do? Do I wait for him to compose himself? No...no I ask him a question that rather obviously shows him what's really on my mind.

"Have you slept with her?"

Oh nicely done Sam, nicely done...I really should have asked him that question about the weather...Way to ask him exactly what's been praying on your mind this last week. Why don't you just tell him that you haven't been able to sleep with the thought of them naked in each others arms haunting me whenever I close my eyes? He whirls around, and his hands fall from his neck. Luckily though he doesn't stop to think before he speaks either, and his next words come out in a rush, with what might even pass as a hurt expression.

"Since we got back?...No. How could I?"

"She's your girlfriend Sir"

"Sam..."

"Sir...we're home now...and I think it would probably be..."

"She's not my girlfriend, not anymore..." He says a little sadly, and jams his hands back in his pockets. I stare at him open mouthed, but he simply shrugs, turning away, and I'm surprised at how dismissive he seems over this subject.

"What...what happened?" I ask, my heart thumping in my chest, and he takes a deep breath and shrugs again, before throwing me a glance and scrunching his face.

"Its just over. We were having a few problems anyway and decided to give it a rest for a little while, see how things go and try and sort 'em out later. I guess neither of us were very impressed that I never thought about her once when we were away" He says, scuffing at the dusty earth with a newly polished boot. I just nod and look away, and he raises his head and squints at some large birds in the distance. He never thought about her? Not once? Well that would certainly indicate some problems. It's not his fault though, we were all going through a lot, a hell of a lot, and there were plenty of...distractions. Its somehow typical though, looks like we're both on our own now, and it doesn't make any difference, no difference at all. I...don't want him to push Lucy away because of me, I don't want to get in the way of his happiness. Maybe once things have settled back down to normal and we start to forget he'll get back together with her, and they'll sort things out. Things will get back to normal, just like they always do...only...only this time was a little different from the others wasn't it Sam? We didn't just flirt a little, hear from or kiss alternate selves, no this was more. We admitted our feelings, we made our choices, we talked for hours that night, and we came to the only conclusions that we could, there could be no other choice, none at all. I wish...I wish that talking was the only thing we did that night, but it wasn't. Oh God no it wasn't.

We made love.

I know it was wrong, and under the circumstances it was probably the worst, stupidest thing to do, but at the time, and in so many other ways it was so very right. I wanted him, he wanted me. No, no I needed him, and at that moment he needed me too. The kiss was desperate and frantic and harsh, but what followed could not have been more different. It's a painfully sweet memory, and tears prick at my eyes at the very thought. I don't even have to remember details to feel the pervading warmth caused by the memory of his gentle, warm, caressing hands on my bare sensitive skin. The memory is so fresh in my mind, the tears start to flow again, and the pain at loving and losing him aching in my chest.

The goodbye kiss we shared lasted a long time, and I refused to end it, as did he. I don't think either of us wanted to be responsible for making that break, that last goodbye. Instead his hands moved to cup my face, and then one of them slid caressingly down my neck and T-shirt, his fingertips brushing my breasts through the thin material, making me gasp. His other hand cupped my head, his long fingers becoming entangled in my hair while he held me in the kiss, his free hand moved back up and under the flap of my jacket and up to my shoulder, then gently pushed the heavy material to the ground. I did the same to him, and we slowly and almost reverently divested each other of our clothes. The burning fires and flickering lights cast a dancing diffuse red glow over our now naked bodies, and he took me in his arms and gently laid me down on a ragged carpet of our own discarded uniforms, quite symbolic now I come to think about it.

I just let myself go with it, because although it was something I so desperately wanted, I knew inside that it was only sex. It was comforting, and needy, and so very gentle and sensual, and it was goodbye. Our lips were in contact throughout, and we never broke that kiss. It was almost as though our making love was merely a natural extension of that kiss, and I knew as soon as the kiss ended so would we. Inside I felt a small twinge of guilt, and pain that he was betraying Captain Hayes...Lucy...but at that moment I also know that I would never have stopped, not for anything. And so we loved each other, and at the end, the very end when he held me so very tight, he gently pulled his lips away, and pressing his cheek against mine he whispered into my ear on the tail end of a long, heated breath.

"Oh Sam..."

And I held him tight, and I held him through the night and I never let him go, and I still haven't. It wasn't just sex, I wasn't just a woman, and I wasn't just some focus for weeks of pent up frustration and the by-product of his drug addled brain. I was Sam. I was Sam to him. He made love to Sam, and in that moment, and from here on in, he became Jack to me. Never outwardly, and never to his face, but I could no longer refer to him as 'Colonel' in my head, the man I loved and was loved by so fiercely, for one, long, night.

Jack.

I love you Jack.

Oh God...I never thought such a sweet memory could be so painful. Bittersweet then...bittersweet.

"What do you want sir?" I ask him, sick of this empty feeling in my stomach, and knowing that him leaving is the only thing that will get rid of it, at least for a little while. He doesn't answer me at first, and eventually I have to turn and look at him. He's standing with his hands slack by his side, and his brown eyes show only hurt, and pain as he looks at me, but he quickly scrunches the expression away. I just observe this idly, and he starts to look distinctly uncomfortable. He rubs the back of his neck for a moment, then looks away, and eventually the constant pressure of my gaze makes him speak.

"I...I just wanted to make sure you're okay" He says, and at his soft words I feel any annoyance at his presence slip away. Still, it took him to wait till Lucy dumped him before he came to see if I was alright. Ah...I didn't mean it, I believe what he told me about her, and I'm glad he still cares for me enough to check up on me. Was he worried I was going to take of or something? Maybe run away? Not my style Jack, just not my style.

"You kinda rushed off, and you know Janet has set a max distance for us. If I get any further away alarms will go off over the complex and SF's will be swarming the place in minutes" He says with a twisted smile, and I laugh. Of course I laugh, its what I do isn't it? Major Samantha Carter always laughs at Colonel Jack O'Neill's jokes, and that's who we are now, Major and Colonel. I've even tried to call him Colonel in my head once more, but I don't think I'll ever stop referring to him as Jack to myself, not ever. I nod to give him some sort of reaction, and he scuffs his shoes again. Time to change the subject I think.

"Did they try and send a probe again?"

He starts to speak before his mind recognises the swift change, but he at least seems glad we are talking.

"Yeah, we just sent a probe through and it didn't make it. Looks like Meshkent did a real job on the place"

"Do you think he's still alive out there? With Rosay?" I ask, and this is a question I really do want the answer to.

"Nah I doubt it. Even if she, he...it...and some of the others managed to get outside, from what Daniel tells is it isn't the nicest planet, and without the gate its unlikely they'll survive. They probably all died in the explosion"

"Probably..."

"Its for the best, I don't think I like the idea of Meshkent being out there" He says, his voice fading away as he watches the view. An awkward silence falls on us then, and though I want to leave, there's something I have to get out of the way first.

"Oh, I've something to give you back" I say, and he takes a step forward and looks confused.

I fish in my pocket for a moment, and finding what I'm looking for I pull out my hand and hold out his cap, but this time there is no delight on his face at its return, in fact his brows crease together, and he looks slightly annoyed. He takes it from my hands fiercely and examines it closely, carefully adjusting the size slider at the back and brushing some dust from the peak. He shakes it out one time, then his other hand snakes out suddenly and clamps my shoulder, yanking me towards him. He holds me firmly with that hand, then pulls the cap on me from back to front, smoothing my hair down as he goes.

"It's always been yours" He says with a tight smile before taking a step back to his former position, and I know he's not talking about the hat. I put my hand on top of the hat briefly, feeling the soft nap, then I take a hold of the peak, and drag it from my head. I hold it in my hands for a brief second and just look at it, then I carefully fold it away back into my pocket. Jack just looks confused and disappointed. What did he expect me to do? Does he think giving me his cap is going to make up for anything? Maybe his heart was mine, but only for one night. Sure I'll keep his hat, but that's all it is Jack, a hat, just another reminder of what we could never have. I zip my jacket up to my neck and sweep some stray hair from my eyes and shift my weight on my feet. Jacks eyes change then suddenly, and he takes two steps forward and reaches for my arm.

"Sam..." He starts, but I hold up a hand, and back away. I have to go, I have to end this. What's the point in going over and over this old ground, its just not worth it. He stopped me. It is hard to keep on speaking when someone grabs you, spins you around and kisses you soundly. I push half heartedly at him but he takes no notice. Once he decided he'd kissed me thoroughly enough he let me go and stepped back, a strange sad little smile on his lips, his tongue tracing them, no doubt tasting me as he stood and just watched me. We already said goodbye Jack, can't we just leave it at that? Please? Are you going to make me go through this for a second time?

"Look, Sam, there's one thing you have to know"

I step away, trying to leave but he just keeps coming after me. Please...stop it...

"Sam, I had Janet test the water I brought back, and it wasn't drugged. The drugs must have been in the food, so that night..."

I stop. Is that what he thinks? Does he think I was only eager to love him because I was all drugged up with hormones? If there was one thing I was drugged on it was him, and I have never needed chemicals to feel that way.

"I know what I did sir, and if this is where you tell me it didn't happen then I really don't want to..." He grabs me again, spinning me around, and his face is livid.

"Sam!" He says, obviously angry, and although I know I did go too far by saying what I did, I'm angry too and all I want him to do is leave me alone. He doesn't need to warn me off like this, I'm not going to pester him or hang around him or anything, he really needn't worry at all! I...I know what we said but if he just...I mean I...oh God if he asked me, if he whisked me away...But he's not going to, is he? Yeah so maybe he's not on the best terms with Lucy right now, but they'll make up, I'm sure they will, and I'll just try and get on with my life, without him. I've thought seriously about leaving altogether, but I couldn't come up with a reason for the others and the General.

"...just leave it sir, please, what does it matter?"

And I turn away, away from those hurt brown eyes, away from the pain I keep causing him.

What does it matter?




***************************************




What does it matter?

Thanks Sam, I mean personally I kind of thought it mattered quite a hell of a lot. It may have been a very stupid move for me to come here, in fact, yes, it was altogether a stupid move, regardless of the outcome. Perhaps it would be better for the both of us if she simply told me where to get off and we both went our separate, safe, ways. No danger in that. Sure maybe a little awkwardness for a while, but hell we've gotten over things like that before. I mean there was Kynthia, Laira, and the whole other Carter's thing, and we always just got on with things. Okay yeah so this is a little different, I mean I did sleep with her after all.

I don't know why I came here.

When I heard she'd left the base to go get some air I just had to come after her. While we were both stuck on base it was okay, I felt safe, safe knowing she was somewhere close by, even if we hardly said a word to each other since we got back. It was enough for me just knowing she was near. It was a bit strange at first, being apart from her, and when I heard she had left I felt I had to come after her, in case...in case she took off and never came back. Stupid I know, but the thought of it scared the hell out of me and...and I just had to see her...God I keep trying to think of something I can say, some words that will get through to her. I know there's something, something I've heard recently, but I just can't bring them to mind. I shouldn't have come.

I don't know what I was expecting from her, but if I'm being truthful it's going just how I thought it would. I opened my mouth and stuck my foot right in it. And then she told me about Reebin. And then I just got jealous and stupidly grabbed at her, and she...she pushed me away.

She pushed me away.

So I did then what any dumb male does and stomped off. I only made it halfway to the car, and I knew I wasn't going anywhere. Damn but I can't do or say anything right can I? Sam remains turned away from me, but her shoulders are hunched now, and they shake a little. Well. This has not been my best day. Right now I'm no-one's favourite person. I didn't like what I had to do, and I didn't like what I had to say to her but....but it was for the best. I know that, she knows that. At least I think she knows that. Sam...Sam you just gotta understand...if you'll let me tell you, let me explain. Ah hell...a lot of things have changed since we've been away, and a lot of things have stayed the same. I've stayed the same. I'm still the same stupid guy I was before.

Yeah I'm stupid.

I spent the last four hours before coming up here sitting in the observation room waiting for Reebo to arrive at the SGC and go back through the gate. Alith had pretty much recovered from her injuries and had been sent home the day before, and today was Reebo's departure day, and he wasn't on time. When he was ten minutes late I wasn't surprised, when he was half an hour late I was angry, and when he was two hours late I was afraid. But he turned up, and then he left through the gate, and I even took a minute to shake his hand and thank him for his help. He smiled genuinely and clapped me on the shoulder, and I was surprised and just a little disappointed when the anger and rage and insane jealousy didn't come. Yeah I'm clean now remember? No extra hormones, and inside I actually found a little part of me that liked this guy. I know he's not a bad guy, but I guess he's been suffering from Martouf syndrome, and we all know what that is. Well I get on just fine with Marty these days, so maybe it'll just take time. Time and him staying the hell away from Sam...

Oh I definitely haven't changed.

I made love to Sam on that planet. I made love to her and now I'm all churned up inside. I try and tell myself that it was the circumstances and the hormones, but then the rest of my mind shouts 'bullshit!' and I know I'm fighting a losing battle. It's a bit of a waste of time trying to talk myself out of things like this, I mean the worst is over, I practically told her I love her already. Yeah and I already know her thoughts about that. 'Oh I'd like to Jack but we can't, and I won't' I think that was the basics of it. But something inside me won't give up, and no matter how hard I try I just can't let go. I can't let her go.

I just can't escape the thought of her, no matter what I do to try and distract myself. When I close my eyes all I can see is her. I see her laugh, I see her smile, and I see her writhe beneath me, blue eyes meeting mine, her perfect pale skin highlighted by flickering flames. When I cover my ears I hear her laugh, and I hear her whisper my name like a gentle prayer as I make slow love to her. And when I tuck my hands under my arms I can still feel her. I feel the warmth of her, the softness of her, the beauty of her, and all these things combine in my mind to give me a complete picture of Sam in my head. But it's only in my head...and that's just not enough, it's just not enough dammit!

So I sat there fuming, and eventually Reebin showed up, and came across the control room to talk to me. I just stared out the gate, and eventually he just sighed and did the same.

"I am leaving now Jack, its time I returned home"

I nod in his direction, and he steps up to my side.

"I look forward to visiting Jack, and I want you to know you are all welcome on my planet any time"

I nod again, and he follows my gaze to the gate. Does he know I'm willing him to get the hell through it?

"I will miss Sam" He says suddenly, honestly, and I turn to see his sad face.

"I would like to spend more time with her" He adds quietly, and I whirl away from him, my fists bunching at my sides.

Doesn't he realise how hard it is for me, to have him talk about her that way? Oh I'd like nothing better than to smack him in the face for even thinking about her in that way, but how can I condemn him for the very thing I'm torturing myself with? He sighs then, and steps in frotn of me, forcing me to look at him.

"Jack, the drugs were responsible for a lot. They made us both, all three of us act in ways we would not normally, but they can only account for so much. I like Sam, I like her a lot, and I could very, very easily fall in love with her"

He turns to see my face but I stay staring out of the gateroom, my teeth clenched so hard I fear that when I unclench them they may fall out. I don't want to hear this Reebo, I just don't want to hear it. He sighs and faces away again.

"On that planet I found friendship Jack, and the start of some new relationships, and what I thought could be something more. What did you find Jack?"

I turn sharply away. Why is he doing this to me? I don't even understand what he's talking about...

"Did you find friendship there?"

I think of poor Jima, and Alith, and then I think of him and Rosay, and how very wrong I was. Friendship? Did I find friendship there? Would I count Reebin as a friend? I know Sam would.

"Uh...I met some good people" I spare him a glance and then turn away when he nods. That's all the concession you're gonna get from me.

"Did you find love there?"

I spin on my heels to face him, and his face looks oddly strained as he looks up at me. What the hell is he talking about, and what the hell does he know? My mouth starts to work, but no words come out, well what the hell am I supposed to say? I can lie and say no, therefore giving him a free reign, or I can go against the regulations and mine and Sam's choice and say yes, just to keep him away from her. I eventually choose to say nothing. Reebin gets up from the desk and holds out his hand in farewell, having finally realised that I don't want to have a conversation with him. I take it carefully and return his firm shake, allowing a small smile to form on my face in response to his.

"Take care of yourself Jack"

"You too Reebin" I can allow him that much, I don't want the guy dead. Well, let's just say if he's gonna die, then I want to be at my hands. We leave the room as Simmons enters to dial up Reebin's home planet, and walk down to the gateroom. I'm more than a little surprised that Sam isn't here to see him off, and he catches me swinging my head about and pauses at the bottom of the ramp.

"We've already said goodbye" He says softly, and I can't help but narrow my eyes at him. He shakes his head a little and turns away, and the gate starts to spin. Reebin continues to face the gate and I pull at my collar and have a look around the room. There's no-one else here but us, and I actually feel a little guilty that there's no-one else here to see him off. The gate stops spinning then, and the outsplash fills the room with a pale blue light, and when it recedes Reebin takes a step up the ramp. He takes two more, stops, then slowly turns to face me, his face regretful, as if he's about to do something he might regret.

"Jack, friendship you can find anywhere, and lust can be drug induced. I had a friend once Jack, who tried to take his relationship with his new love to another level by taking her on holiday to a famous beautiful spot in my country. It's supposedly one of the most romantic spots on my entire world"

I open to mouth to ask him what the hell he's talking about, and he raises my hand to ask to continue. I let him. Hopefully if I let him talk now he'll never come back.

"He went there looking for love Jack, hoping somehow to find it there with her, hoping that somehow the most romantic place in the whole world would somehow make it happen for him and his girlfriend, make them fall in love"

"Reebin..." I'm getting bored already, and I may need to go shove him through he gate. Thankfully Simmons has already left us to it, so no-one need know...

"But he didn't find it, they didn't find it. It doesn't work that way Jack, and it never will. Do you know what he told me when he returned, alone?

"I tilt my head impatiently, hands on my hips, and he takes that as a no.

"He told me that when he was there, he met a man. An old man who had lived there for many, many years and seen many, many couples do the same as my friend, come looking for love, looking to somehow create something out of not very much"

"Look Reebin..."

"Let me finish. Do you know what that man said Jack?"

Oh alright...maybe if I play along with him he'll go quicker.

"No...tell me"

"He told my friend that many people came to this place looking for love, and many of them failed. They believed that somehow this place would create that love, make it flourish, and the old man knew better"

"Wrap it up Reebin..."

"That old man knew a truth Jack, a truth that you need to hear. All those people came to this place looking for love, but like the old man said to my friend Jack, 'If you don't bring it here with you, then you will not find it here"

My mouth shuts by itself, and I can't think of anything to say. I...I don't...what's that story meant to tell me? I... Reebin turns on his heel then and walks up the ramp, pausing at the event horizon to look back.

"So what did you find on that planet Jack? Only so many things were the product of the circumstances, if you found anything else there, then you must have brought it with you"

And with that he was gone.

And he was right. Damn him but he was right. Ever since I set foot back on Earth I've been lying to myself right, left and centre, and I think even I was beginning to believe it. I tried to tell myself that the reason I couldn't even bring myself to kiss Lucy much less go to bed with her was because I was still somehow traumatised from all that time away. Bullshit. I couldn't do those things because I would have felt guilty, and for the wrong reasons. And it wasn't even just that, I couldn't do those things because I didn't want to, because it felt wrong, simply because she was the wrong person.

The wrong person.

So I came after Sam, not even really knowing the reason why other than I couldn't let her go without me. Well Jack, we're not joined at the hip anymore, and we're certainly not bunking together so I have no damn right to pester her. The strangest thing is, I keep feeling there's something I want to tell her, say to her, and eventually I figure out what I'm trying to remember. It...it was something Rosay said, some line she spouted when Daniel was confronting her in the gateroom, it was something I agreed with at the time, because I always felt it was something I was trying to live by. I turn away to try and muster my thoughts, and when I turn back Sam is leaving.

She starts to walk away into the trees, trailing through the long lush grass, and it feels like my heart is being crushed and dragged and deformed by her boots, each broken blade another . Not a nice feeling. She starts slowly up the worn dirt path, and I just stand there, feeling stupid and useless and utterly without direction. It's an altogether new feeling for me. Normally I always know the next move, always now what I'm going to do, or at least have some options, no matter how dumb, but now...nothing. Just nothing. The part of my brain that deals with that kind of stuff just feels empty, blank, and I don't know what to do. I get in these situations very, very rarely, and in the last few years I've relied on one of three people to get me out. Well one, Teal'c's knowledge of the Goa'uld isn't gonna help here, and Daniel's boundless archaeological knowledge isn't gonna do much either. I watch Sam's back as she continues to walk, and I guess her tech knowledge isn't what I need either. But that's not all she ever gave me, in my few moments of indecision she's always provided me with something else, something subtle. No matter what situations we've been in, she's always looked at me like I knew what I was doing, even when I didn't, even when I opened by big, dumb mouth and got us in more trouble. She always trusted in me, I could feel that trust emanating from her, that support, that belief...the belief that even though I resisted or disagreed, that I would always do the right thing.

The right thing.

Only there's two right things involved here, and they don't exactly go together. The first is the right thing for our careers, for our teammates, the base, the program, whatever, and the other is what's best for us, for me and Sam. I care about the first one, I really do, but I'm old enough and well travelled enough now to realise that number two is more important to me, but if it isn't to her, then what choice do I have? Love is a two sided thing, and if she doesn't want me then I can't have her. Shitty I know, but that's the way it works.

"Sam" I call one last desperate time, and she stops for a second, then just shakes her head. Ah damn, why can I remember Rosay's words? Why can't I remember? If I could only make her see, if I could show her we could do this, somehow, that it was worth the risk. But I don't even know if it is do I? Whatever we 'have' or 'had' wasn't exactly based on the healthiest of situations, and that's certainly no guarantee that it'll work out here, in the real world.

I'm lost, I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I'm about to run after and try and hold her in my selfish arms when both of our pagers go off, and looking down I have a message. Its from the General calling me and doubtless Sam back in for a planning briefing for our next spate of missions starting Friday. Sam jogs off to her car without a backward glance, and as she gets in I simply stand in the road and watch her, feeling like this is my last chance.

"Sam! Sam please come and see me after the briefing, please!" But she's gone. She's gone in more ways than one. Her car pulls away, heading back to the base, and I'm about to do the same when my pager goes again, and I look down to see a message from Lucy, wanting to meet.. I take a deep breath of sweet Earth air, then go to my car and prepare to head back to the base. I slump into my seat and close the door, but before I head off I take out my phone and dial Lucy's cell phone number.



"Hey, its me..."




***************************************




Ugh.

Mustering my strength I heave a large stone panel off my torso and struggle, gasping, to sit up. My chest aches and wheezes and I just there for a while and let the now rarefied air fill my lungs. The dust stirred by my movements slowly starts to settle, and I let it descend and close my eyes as it peppers my eyelids and covers me in a lazy sheet of silt that tickles my nose.

~ *My* nose ~

No, it's my nose, and I'll thank you to be quiet. My host falls silent once more and I lie quietly on my back for a few hours, and eventually my body feels ready to move.

~ *My* body ~

I'm afraid its actually *our* body now, so you better get used to it. The host grumbles once and drifts away, and I ready my muscles and pull myself upright, maybe letting her out wasn't such a good idea after all...

Moving slowly I avoid all the debris and make it to some flat ground where only a part of a floor still survives. Once there I stretch to my full height, working out any kinks and pushing my unruly hair back behind my ears. That done I climb the nearest pile of stone and brick and machinery and have a first look at my surroundings.

Nice place.

Most of the complex was destroyed in the chain of explosions, and now only a few rooms and walls survive, creating the impression that this is a city long ruined. The barren landscape stretches out in all directions, a shapeless formless tundra of windblown dust and shallow half-hearted dunes that fight each other for supremacy, stealing height and substance from one another, using the harsh, low winds as accomplices. The rising sun casts a sheen on the dirty sand, and here and there metallic towers and shards stick out of the desert looking like the long lost bones of some alien skeleton. In the hazy red light one could almost think this planet was beautiful, but I do not. This place is entirely as 'pleasant' as I thought it would be on the outside.

~You made it this way~

Actually no, I didn't. My fathers maybe, and their father's, but not me. You can't blame the son for the crimes of his ancestors.

~Why not?~

It just doesn't work like that. I have their memories, but not their sensibilities. I have changed.

~And now suddenly you're the font of all knowledge and justice? Spare me. You killed my people~

Yeah well you did a pretty good job of clearing up the survivors didn't you?

That quietens her, and I feel her presence move away, and settle in a dark corner. In time we may yet come to coexist, but until then, we shall doubtless battle on a daily basis. I sigh then, and move across the rubble in a random direction, trying to get my bearings in the face of this total destruction. A fitting grave for my brothers and sisters don't you think?

The day of judgement has come and has passed, and all that is left is hope. I hear a quiet phrase in the back of my head then, and grudgingly have to agree with it. Rosay's ideals may be all over the place, but some of her mantra's are spot on.

"If you have hope, you must be prepared to fight for what you hope for"

A good motto to live your life by I think. But to live a life, first one must have a life. With that thought I continue across the shifting sands.




***************************************




It's all over now.

I knew it would be, one way or the other, and though I know the next few months are gonna be hard I'll get through it, I guess we both will. We have to after all, there's no other choice, not for us. To be honest I wasn't sure how it was gonna turn out, but if I'd been entirely honest, nah...that's not true, I had no idea. I tried one way, I tried another, and then I came to my damn senses and took the only real option, and so did she.

Its difficult being home, in lot's of little ways, and hell the food is just as bad as ever. Mind you, I've never felt more grateful for my lumpy standard issue bed than I am right now. Sure it's small and it creaks, and the mattress is more than a little limp but it's certainly better than I've had for a while. The sheets are starchy too, and the pillows a little flaccid for my taste, but hell its home. Home. I stretch out my legs and reach a hand down to scratch an itch through the rough material of my fatigue pants. My jacket lies discarded on the chair beside me, and my bare arms send me a million little messages of the things they can feel, the many things that remind me of home. Old familiar things...well, most of them. I shift a little to find comfort, then try and settle quietly.

"Stop movin'" Comes a sleepy voice, and I grin and tighten my arms around her waist. She was waiting for me after the briefing outside my quarters with a nervous smile on her face, as if she thought I was going to push her away, tell her it's not her that I want, but someone else. Why she would think that I have no idea. She looked so uncertain there, so unsure, and I know our conversation of earlier had hurt her when we called it a day. I grin again as she snuggles further into my chest, curling her fingers around the material of my T-shirt, her bare feet covering my own. Her head tucks under my chin and her soft hair tickles my nose, making me sniffle. She giggles but tries to hide it with her hand and I tickle her briefly under her arms, making her squirm and bringing her body squarely on top of me, her nose meeting mine. I try to tickle her again but she grabs my hands, and admonishes me soundly.

"There'll be none of that mister" She says, her eyes bleary, and she looks at me warily as if she's spoken out of turn, making me roll her off and clutch her against my side. She's so warm, so very warm just like always, and I can't keep this big grin off my face.

"Go back to sleep you" I whisper, and she kicks me soundly in the shin before settling down again.

"Love you" I whisper into her hair, my tongue feeling strangely heavy and languid as I try those words out on her for the first time. I think they fit rather nicely. It's taken me long enough to get there but over the last few months we've spent together I know now that there's no-one else for me, and there could never be, no matter how much I've strayed lately. I don't know why I thought I loved her, I guess its just the things we've been through together, and I guess I saw some of her in me.

"Love you" She answers as she looks into my eyes, then her eyes close sleepily, and she relaxes against me, releasing a long breath.

She finally seems to give in to sleep, and I just lie and stare at the roof, and think about how things have turned out. I'm just about to sleep myself when there comes a soft rap at the door, and I carefully ease my way out from under her sleep heavy body, smiling absently as she spreads out across the bed and cuddles the pillow in her arms. Huh, stealing the covers just like always. I open the door a crack still grinning then gasp a little when I see her standing there, smiling gently at me. I forgot...oh I asked her to come didn't I? I carefully ease myself out the door, scratching at my chest and yawning to show I've just been asleep, and her face falls a little when I don't invite her in.

"I...I brought these"

She hands me a few things that belong to me, some things I'd loaned her, or even given her, and I take them slowly, feeling the pain as she is effectively shutting me out of her life, trying to forget about me. Well that's gonna be hard to do, I'll see you every day, and after all we've been through how the hell do you expect me to do that? I thought we had something, I thought we had some kind of a future together, I really did. I think these things, but I don't tell her that, I just can't. God this is going to be so difficult. When I opened the door and saw her I thought she had changed her mind, that she wanted me, that she still wanted to be with me despite everything, but we made our decisions, and I've chosen someone else, and I can see she still believes its for the best. It is, I know it is, but a part of me is still hurting, a part of me will miss her being close to me like I've gotten used to. I'll miss her, and I'll miss us, but the more I think about it there wasn't really much of an us, was there? I can't lie and say we had a relationship, because we never really had anything of the kind, not really, despite everything.

She smiles at me, and takes a step back, and I thank her quietly before she turns and walks away. I can tell by her face that she knows I have someone in here, and she must know who as well. I mean I told her about our previous decision, I just had to, and well, now she knows we're back together, hopefully this time for good. I carefully close the door behind me and put my few returned possessions down on my small nightstand. Turning I look down at the bed, and see the woman that I love. She moves in her sleep then, her deceptively small form twisting the sheets under her as her hands reach and clutch for a missing something...me. I ease myself down on the bed beside her, trying not to make it squeak, but still she half wakes and turns to face me. One pant leg is yanked up, and her black tee is all twisted under her, and I can't help but smile as a frown forms on her face and she writhes for a moment to gain some comfort. I slide down beside her, and as if sensing my presence an arm and a leg snake out and cover me, pulling me close, claiming me as hers. I settle quickly into her warm embrace, and her head comes onto my chest and tucks under my shoulder and I sigh. Things are...different now, and certainly much more complicated than they were before between us, but we made a choice, and we chose this. She shifts again in my grip, and I find myself eye to eye with her suddenly, and she smiles.

"Sam, will you just go to sleep?" I tell her, kissing her nose, and finally she listens to me and snuggles tighter, her body relaxing as her breathing finally shifts, and she sleeps. I try and sleep, but I just can't, how can I when Sam is in my arms? So instead I just lie back and marvel at the events that brought her here, that changed her mind.

After going our separate ways on the mountain, under less than perfect circumstances, we met for the briefing, and no matter how much I tried to concentrate on the General's words I just couldn't, I couldn't keep my eyes or my thoughts off Sam, and I could tell she felt exactly the same. This was the first proper planning briefing we'd had since we came back, and finally things were back as they were, only they had also changed irrevocably, and I couldn't stand it. This was what it would be like every day, every single day. I'd be beside her, wanting her, loving her God dammit and I couldn't! That hour seemed to take days to pass, and each single second hurt me, burned me as much as her eyes on the back of my head. I knew then that I just couldn't stand this, there was no way I'd be able to continue in my position, no way I could face her every day. I was a strong man physically, but emotionally I knew I was no Goliath, and when it came to Sam I had absolutely no defences left, and if I couldn't have her, then I had to get as far away from her as possible. Maybe I am a coward and maybe I am weak, but this was one thing I could not deal with, and I knew with a strange certainty that the team would collapse because of us, because of what we'd done and couldn't do again, and I had only one option.

I...I had to retire. Yeah so maybe that would be running away, but it would also be facing up to facts, and leaving Sam alone, which is just what she wanted. I had to do it, but how the hell was I gonna tell the General?

I hastily scratched a few words down on the legal pad in front of me, then absently circled them with a broad sweep of my pen. When I finally glanced down at what I'd written, I saw it was the words, the words that Rosay said that I'd tried so desperately to remember earlier. I just looked at them for a few seconds, weighing them in my mind, and when I glanced up I saw Sam glance quickly away. Why couldn't I remember them when I needed them? Still I turned my attentions away from lamenting over Sam to try and listen to Daniel whittering on about what the MALP had shown, but for some reason the words just wouldn't go away. They kept floating around in my restless brain, taunting me. I used to like to think I lived by these sort of words, I liked to think in a way I was their living embodiment, but its not just down to me, is it? So the briefing ended and we all trouped out, and Sam's form burned her outline onto my retina as she walked past, stopping only at the door to look back at me. Our eyes met then, briefly, and that one shot of electricity and God knows what else was enough to convince me of what I had to do. Whether it made any difference to her or not, whether she hated me for it I didn't care, it just had to be done...I had to retire. No, I'm not a man for backing out, and I never was, never give up that's me, but at that moment I had, and I wanted to. I was just about to ask Hammond if I could have a little chat when the red phone went and he rushed off to his office and closed the door. Well...it could wait. I collected my gear and paused for a second at the scribbled page of worthless notes in front of me, before ripping out the top half of the page and stuffing it in my pocket.

With that I left, and started the slow walk to the lift. I pressed the button for the level with my office, then I stopped and changed my mind, pressing the button for the lab level instead. When the lift stopped and the doors open I stood there for a moment, vaguely confused, then stepped out, the doors closing irrevocably behind me. The corridors were fairly quietly so I took the right fork and walked on, my fingers in my pocket playing absently with the crumpled paper I found there. Turning right again I found myself outside Sam's lab, and as I cautiously stuck my head around the door I found it empty, but her jacket was there and her sandwich box lay open, so she had most likely popped out for something to go with her lunch. Quickly striding in I went to her desk, and fished the paper out of my pocket. I didn't have a clue what the hell I thought I was doing, but I found her pen, and with it I scribbled 'Please come and see me' below my earlier words, then I dropped the pen on the desk, left the paper where it was and practically ran to the lift, not wanting to bang into her on the way.

When I finally made it to my office to tidy up my things I found myself trembling, and felt like an utter fool. How many times does she have to tell you Jack, and what if someone else comes in and finds that note? Stupid, stupid Jack, but it's too late now, she's probably read it already.

I spent the next few hours in my office, pretending to myself that I was working, and I jumped out of my skin every time someone went past, but no one ever came in, and certainly not Sam. Well, I decided to give her until the end of the day to change my mind, and failing that I'd resign tomorrow, and take myself away somewhere, far away. Eventually I'd had enough, and seeing as I was extremely tired I decided to forego driving home, and settle for my quarters instead. Maybe Sam wasn't coming, but I still wanted to be near her, and my home was far too far away, and far too empty. I dumped the last of my notes on my desk and wearily made my way to the next level. Once there I rounded the corner and stopped dead when I saw someone outside my door. Seeing a female figure I thought at first that it was Lucy, come to try and sort things out, but only as my eyes adjusted to the dim light did I see her tousled blonde hair, her blue eyes, and a hand holding a strip of yellow paper. Sam. She was looking steadily at me, and for a while I thought she was gonna bawl me out for trying this on her, but still she waited, so I approached her. She stepped back from the door as I came alongside her, her expression still indefinable, and I opened the door and stepped inside, and she followed. I dropped my jacket on my bed and behind me I heard the door shut, and when I turned around she was standing there, reading the paper she held between two hands.

"I..." She started, but nothing more followed. She dropped the paper onto my nightstand, and brushed at tired eyes with one hand while the other came to rest on her hip. I took a slow step towards her, reading her eyes, and she simply raised her head to look up at me, biting her lip, her eyebrows creased in the middle. I took another step, and still she waited, watching me, waiting for me to do the right thing, the right thing for me, for us, so I did it.

I took a hold of her head in my hands lightly, my fingers pushing through her clean and newly cut hair, and let my thumbs move and brush over her cheekbones. She moved her own hands to my chest and tentatively took a hold of my shirt lapels, her timid face making me smile. Don't be afraid Sam, don't ever be afraid of me, of what I might do, or might not do. Well I know what I gotta do now, and I promise I'm not gonna screw this one up. I gently pulled her towards me till her toes met mine, and she smiled shyly and ducked her head away. This woman...this woman braves new worlds, fights enemies with her last ounce of strength, thinks her way through seemingly unsolvable problems with what's probably one of the best minds on the planet, and can still be rendered shy and coy by the prospect of a kiss. And oh yeah I'm gonna kiss her, there's no doubt about that I thought. I leant forward, letting my heavy lids close, and after a seeming yawning eternity I felt the velvet warmth of her lips touch mine, then cover mine, as she breathed life into me with her kiss.

And that's what happened. I guess she just needed something, anything to break through her resolve, something to get to her, and then she was mine. After that long loving kiss she just rested her sleepy head against me, and I sat on the bed and pulled her down there and into my arms. She was a little hesitant, but I just held her, and here we've been ever since. We haven't really talked much, but I don't really think there's a need. Me writing that note and her coming here and the kiss has kinda said everything we need. And the fact that we're just sharing a warm embrace with our clothes on, that part is pretty clear too, we're taking it slow.

I snuggle closer to her comforting form and watch fascinated as my breath ruffles her hair. I wonder if Roasy and Meshkent survived? My common sense tells me they didn't, but something else is telling me that they're both smart, and with their combined knowledge I'm sure that they got away somehow. Still, hopefully she's not gonna come knocking on our door anytime soon. I don't trust them, either of them half as far as I can throw 'em, but who knows, maybe together they can work something out, do some good, yeah, maybe together, like me and Sam. Huh, listen to you Jack, do you hear the kinda sentimental garbage that's coming out of your mouth? Yeah, I guess this woman in my arms musta be making me all soft. Well, I don't mind, not one little bit. I reach out to flick off the little military issue lamp on my nightstand, and my fingers pause above a little piece of paper from a legal pad. I stretch a little over Sam and pick up the rumpled scrap between thumb and forefinger. Holding it under the light I see the words I'd tried so hard to remember, the words that brought Sam to my door, and into my arms.

"If you have hope, you must be prepared to fight for what you hope for"

Such simple words, and pretty damn general, but they worked nonetheless. I knew what I wanted, and so did she, and pretending we didn't just wasn't going to help, it never does. Denying things to someone else is one thing, but denying it to yourself is even worse, and just leads to more problems.

Ah just leave it Jack, stop dissecting everything, cause that's just not gonna help. I let the paper fall from my fingers, not even watching where it comes to lie as sleep begins to steal along my body, making me feel heavy and sluggish. All the things that stood in our way before haven't changed, they're still there, the only thing that has is our determination to fight them, or at least get around them, in any way that we can, and we will. We'll make sure of that, hell I'll make sure of that.

I stretch out my toes and bury my face in Sam's hair, savouring the clean fresh smell as I relax in the hug. I sigh quietly at the realisation that it is just a hug, but we have both silently decided to take this extremely slowly, and maybe even as far as just a promise for the future, and a hug for now.

Right now that's enough for me, but when tomorrow comes...




***************************************




There.

I push my sweaty hair away from my face, and start to push my newly revealed prize gently down the stone slope. It goes slowly, the last of the sand and rock debris falling from its surface, and as it finally comes to rest a little squint against some more rocks I take a minute to stretch out my back.

Manual labour, not something I've ever been fond of. I have spent the last few days digging relentlessly on this God forsaken planet, and finally I've found what I've been looking for. I also managed to find some logs, and with the item now carefully balanced on top, I start the very slow process of moving it across the hastily flattened ground, removing logs from behind and placing them in front while simultaneously stopping it from toppling. Finally after many more hours I arrive at my destination and reaching inside the great lump of partially melted metal I change a few switches and return it to its former settings.

There.

With that I rest on the ground, and take a swig of the bottle of water I was able to snag before this place blew, and I hear a gentle nagging at the back of my mind that signals my host has an opinion she wishes to make known.

~Where will you go?~ The voice asks, and I snort as I take another swig of water and scold her.

Well as you're so fond of mentioning, this body was yours Rosay, so I think the question should be, where will WE go. You humans are a funny breed Rosay, and you will never cease to amaze me. Maybe what my kind say about you are wrong, maybe you are not merely sub-intelligent slaves, maybe you could be more, much more, if you stop making stupid mistakes.

She quietens then, unsure of how to answer that comment, and now refreshed I stand and start to push at the symbols on top of my rescued machinery, smiling in satisfaction as the chevrons on the hastily propped up gate start to glow. It took me more than a day to find and dig out the gate, and all my strength to lift it. Then I had to start all over again with the DHD, hoping that I could still get it to power the gate. Smiling I press the centre circle, and I grin wider as the wormhole splashes open. I take one last look across the planet, and one last glance at the far off campfires of the huddled survivors who were lucky enough to escape the blast.

~So you're just going to leave them here?~ Comes Rosay's petulant voice, and I snort at her tone.

I think I will.

~After all you've just said, after all you think about us humans, you're just going to leave them to do it all again?~

No, I'm leaving them the choice. There is enough left here that they could realistically salvage and make use of, but most of these people were prisoners, and I think they deserve their chance to rise above it.

~Do they?~

Rosay, why should I condemn them because you failed? I see now that all humans are not alike, you may be one species, but you vary incredibly. You are not Gods, and we are not Gods, I know that now if nothing else. If both our kinds can make the same mistakes, and fall into the same traps there can not be that much difference between us. I get the impression that Rosay is snorting at my words, and I chuckle.

~What will we do?"~ She asks quietly, and I can't help but smile at her final acceptance of our situation, and our partnership.

To be honest, I do not know. We will wander for a while I think, see what presents itself, and the rest, is up to fate. Rosay's presence fades away then, but not before leaving in my mind the co-ordinates of a safe, gentle world, where we may live for a short while, and regain our strength, perhaps begin to know each other. With that I turn back to the gate, and run towards the future.

I do not know what lies ahead of me, of us, but at least I will attempt to face it with some degree of objectivity. An objectivity that has been hard won.

Who knows what I may find out there, when tomorrow comes?




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"Underneath your dreamless eyes
Shades of sleep, have driven you away
The moon is pale outside
And you are far from here

Breathing shifts your careless hair
Untroubled by the chaos of our lives
Another day, another night
Has taken you again my dear

And you know, I'm gonna be the one
Who'll be there, when you need someone to depend on
When tomorrow comes

When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)

Last night, you were lying in my arms
And I was wondering where you were
And though you looked just like a baby
Fast asleep in this dangerous world

With the stars shining brightly
It's like a million years before
And you were feeling very small
Underneath the universe

And you know, I'm gonna be the one
Who'll be there, when you need someone to depend on
When tomorrow comes

When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)
When tomorrow comes (wait until tomorrow comes)"

When Tomorrow Comes - The Eurythmics




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