There was a memorial service and a funeral, at Jacob Carter's request. He asked for it to make life easier for his daughter but unwittingly added more to her already heavy burden.
He knew his son would never approve of a military service, had had visions of Mark Carter spurning the flag, so had requested that there be a small ceremony at the SGC for both himself and Selmac wherein the flag could be passed to his daughter.
Wherein his body and that of the symbiote that had become such a part of him, literally as well as metaphorically, could be destroyed in the traditional Tok'ra way.
A few days later, there would be a small funeral for family and friends, where the illusion of his body being buried next to that of his late wife would be created.
At his daughter's request, there was only a small gathering of people in the gateroom for the ceremony. He stood beside her as they filed into the room; people Jacob had known, even if just in passing, who'd asked for the chance to pay their respects and who'd been granted the opportunity from the woman at his side.
General Hammond was there, his grief written all over his face. He walked over to them, saluted Jack and pulled Sam to him for a brief but telling embrace.
Only the Tok'ra who'd come to say goodbye were present. The others had requested that the body be returned to them but had been refused.
Sam had asked that they not attend the ceremony after that.
General Hammond made a small speech, followed by Daniel and then by Jack himself.
Sam had been asked if she wanted to say anything but had chosen to keep her thoughts and memories to herself.
Instead she stood there, back ramrod straight, and accepted the flag.
From him.
He wanted to be able to stand by her side, to be there in case she needed him - not that she had - but she'd asked that he be the one to do it.
That he take the lead role in the ceremony her father had so much respect for.
No tears had fallen, no tracks marred the carefully applied make up.
He watched her, waiting for it.
Knowing it would never come.
Not in a public place with so many witnesses.
But because he was watching her, because he was waiting for a sign to show she wasn't as composed as she appeared, he alone saw the hands that reached for the flag tremble.
Saw the desperate way her hands latched onto it, clutching it to her heart as though it held every single thought and feeling she wanted to hide.
=*=
The ceremony two days later was very much the same. She kept to herself, kept her emotions in check.
Stood away from them beside her brother and her family, shoulders squared against wave after wave of her brother's obvious disapproval.
He stood in between Daniel and Teal'c, watching through the dark shades he wore as her sister in law silently chided her husband for his treatment of his sister, as Carter's niece reached up and took her Aunt Sam's hand.
Watched as that small action alone caused a tear to run down her cheek.
General Hammond was there again, with his daughter and her children.
He watched as they were treated like family instead of friends, as the distain Mark Carter held for the military members of the congregation was waived. He noticed with some surprise that Carter lingered in the General's embrace for a little longer than usual before she was wrapped securely in the arms of the General's daughter.
People started moving away, retreating to their respective vehicles, no doubt to head to the restaurant hired by the Carter family for the small reception.
Carter herself remained standing at the grave.
At her sister-in-laws glare, her brother remained standing with her.
"You're angry with me."
"You broke his heart."
"This isn't about Pete, Mark. Don't bring him into it."
"Then what the hell is it about? Why don't you tell me since you obviously know it all?"
The anger in his voice almost had her teammates stepping in to intervene but Jack stopped them. He made them stand a discreet distance away, observers but not intruders, remembering the envelopes in his jacket pocket.
"It's about Dad." Her voice was strained, her shoulders slumping as she played with a loose button on her jacket. A sombre black jacket worn in place of the uniform she'd stood in just days before. "Because I was with him when he died. You're angry with me because I got to say goodbye and you didn't."
Her brother didn't reply. Couldn't deny it without lying. He threw her a look, a look that made Jack wince but one Carter took in her stride, and marched off in the direction his wife had gone.
"Jack?"
Teal'c and Daniel stopped after taking half a step in the direction of their teammate.
"Go. I'll catch up."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure." It pained him to say it, to not be able to go with them but he had a job to do. A promise to keep. "I'll meet you at the car."
He walked away, following in Mark Carter's footsteps, feeling their eyes on his back.
Vowing it would be the last time he walked away when she needed him close by.
=*=
The sneer on his face wasn't the warmest of welcomes but Jack expected nothing else.
He didn't waste time expressing his sadness at Jacob's death, didn't offer his sympathies or share his grief. He instead reached into his pocket, withdrew the envelope and held it out to the man glaring at him.
"I knew your father," Jack explained simply. "He asked that I give you this."
Mark's mouth opened and closed. His eyes fell on the envelope with his name written on it by his father's hand and back up to the face of the man offering it to him as his hand wrapped around it. "Thank you."
Jack nodded, returning his empty hand to his pocket. He started to turn away, to go to where they were waiting but stopped himself.
Met the curious eyes with his own.
"She doesn't deserve your anger. She's hurting too."
Again Mark Carter gaped at him.
Again he turned away.
His piece said, Jack didn't turn back, didn't wait for a response. He started towards the car parked on the other side of the lot, counting to himself as he did.
One promise kept.
Two more to go.
=*=
"Carter?" He stopped her from following Daniel and Teal'c into the restaurant with a hand on her arm while at the same time motioning for the others to continue.
"Sir?" Curiosity added to the brightness of her eyes. "Is there something wrong at the SGC?"
"No. Nothing like that."
His hand moved down her arm, his fingers finding and lacing with hers.
She was cold.
"Then what..? Did Mark say something..?"
"Let's go sit down." He led her to the small wall around the restaurant, aware of the glances they got from passers by.
Passers by he recognised from the funeral.
He sat her down, sat down beside her. Let go of her hand when he realised he was still holding it and reached into his pocket for the second envelope.
"Jacob gave me this. Asked me to pass it on. There was one for your brother, too."
She took it from him, wrapping her cold fingers around it in silence.
"Want me to give you some time..?"
"No. Stay. Just for a little while?"
He relaxed marginally; pleased she hadn't sent him away. "Take as long as you need."
He sat beside her, watching her face.
Heard the sound of the envelope being torn open, the rustle of paper being unfolded.
He saw her eyes fill. Watched her blink the moisture back.
Silence, punctuated by the occasional sniff.
Heard the rustle of paper being refolded and put back into the envelope and watched her lift her eyes to his.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"You know what for."
"Okay. Well. You're welcome."
Her hand found its way to his, her cold fingers seeking warmth and reassurance.
Finding both in spades as his fingers wrapped around hers again.
"Aunt Sam."
The voice that piped up startled them both. He was relieved to see he wasn't the only one surprised to find a small blond girl standing beside them with solemn green eyes.
"Abby. Hi." He watched Carter reach out to the girl with the hand that wasn't wrapped in his, helping her to sit on the wall beside her and cuddle into her side. "You must be pretty bored in there with all the grown ups."
Jack watched the girl he recognised to be Abigail Carter, her niece, nod in agreement. The serious expression didn't go away, though. She looked, he thought, very much like her aunt.
"Mommy says Granddad's gone to heaven."
Her fingers tightened around his hand in reaction.
"Your Mom's hardly ever wrong so I guess that's true."
Abigail tilted her head to the side, staring at her aunt in consideration.
"Does that mean you and Daddy are orphans now?"
The bubble of laughter sounded like it got caught against a sob to his ears but he said nothing, merely squeezing her fingers reassuringly.
"I think we're a little bit old to be orphans, honey."
"But who's going to take care of you? Mommy and me and Luke can take care of Daddy but you live too far away for us to look after you, too."
The distress on the child's face caused her own to surface. He saw it flash in her eyes as Sam cast a sidelong glance in his direction.
"I think I'll be okay. You don't have to worry, Abby. I've got people to take care of me, too."
The little girl glanced between them, her gaze lingering on Jack's face. She nodded after a short pause and went back to cuddling into her aunt's side until a shadow was cast over them and all three looked up to see Mark standing there.
Holding a familiar looking envelope in his hand.
"Tess and Kayla are looking for you, Abs."
They watched as Abigail jumped off the wall, paused long enough for her father to ruffle her hair affectionately before disappearing up the steps and into the restaurant without a second glance.
Then there were three.
Jack shifted uncomfortably on the wall, not just because his butt was going numb.
"Maybe I should.."
Her hand tightened around his and he stayed where he was.
She wanted him there. Wanted to involve him.
He thought about the cloth-protected item in the drawer of his desk at home and thought it was a good sign.
A good place to start.
"I just wanted to say sorry." Mark shuffled uncomfortably, his hand almost crushing the envelope he held. "You were right, I was an idiot. I was.. jealous. You and Dad had such a close relationship.."
"It doesn't mean he loved you any less."
"I know. Now. I know now."
He held out his hand to her, his confidence waning when she looked at it. Relief flooding his features when she took it.
She still held onto Jack with her other hand.
"So I assume you're Jack O'Neill. Sam's boss."
It was only when Mark broke the silence that they realised with a start that no introductions had been made.
"Yeah. Ah.."
He noticed the way Mark's eyes strayed to where his hand was linked to Carter's.
"My Dad told me a lot about you. In his letter." Mark let go of his sister's hand with one last squeeze and motioned to the envelope. "Probably more than you would've wanted him to."
"Mark.."
"It's okay." Her brother shrugged and slipped his hands into his pockets, protecting them from the cold as much as he protected the envelope he knew he would treasure. "I'm not going to say anything."
"You're not?"
"The old man warned me not to. Said he'd come back and haunt me if I tried.."
A small, appreciative smile flickered over Mark's face. Carter matched it with a slightly sadder one of her own.
"So.. We're okay?"
"We're okay."
Mark nodded. Stood awkwardly in front of them.
"Would you mind if I left soon?" Carter broke the silence, her eyes never leaving her brother. "I don't want to leave it all to you but if one more person I don't know asks me how I'm coping.."
"Go. Escape while you can. I can handle it."
"Thanks."
Another nod and Mark was gone. There was no embrace between the siblings but the tension was starting to corrode.
He couldn't help thinking maybe it was a day for good starts.
One sad ending, two beginnings.
Another loose end tied up.
"Can we go?"
"Sure. Anywhere in particular?"
Her eyes were lowered somewhat shyly. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so uncertain.
"I was thinking maybe Minnesota? I hear fishing is a great way to relax, put your worries behind you.."
"I'll go round up the guys."
No questions, no complaints. Just acceptance and agreement.
He started to rise, only to realise he couldn't go much further with their hands still linked.
"Carter?"
"Yes?"
"You're still holding my hand."
"I know. You're still holding mine."
"Ah."
He looked down at her, watched the emotions run across her face in quick succession.
No hiding, no pretending.
No regrets.
"You're gonna have to let go if I'm going to tell the guys we're going on a detour."
"I can't. Let go again." She shifted, reaching into her pocket with her other hand. Pulled out her cell phone and passed it to him. "Dad told me not to."
"Dad was a very smart man. Have I told you how much I liked him?"
With one hand and a careless grin, Jack flipped open the phone, scrolled - with some difficulty - through the names in the phone book and pressed call.
The conversation lasted for less than a minute.
"We're heading out, guys. Meet us at the car. We're all goin' fishing."
"Ah, Jack, don't you think we should get back to work? What if something happens..?"
"I'm still the boss till the end of the month, Daniel. Consider it an order."
He flipped the phone shut and found her staring at him, an eyebrow raised.
"What?"
"Till the end of the month?"
"Yeah. Didn't I mention it?"
He pulled her to her feet but she said nothing more. Just smiled and ducked her head.
In silence they walked back to the car, waited with joint hands for Daniel and Teal'c to join them.
He thought of the ring in the drawer at home, started counting to himself.
Two promises kept, one more to go.
Twelve days and eight hours until he could start work on tying that loose end into a knot of its own.
=*=
Story Notes: More *hugs* and thanks to Fairygnomes.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]