What's left behind
The alarm on Sam's bedside table let off it's annoying loud ring, stirring her out of sleep. Leaning over to the other side of the bed to switch it off she realised all at once that the bed was empty.
"Jack?" she called out, fear gripping at her heart. Could it be that their night together was just a huge mistake on his part. Did he feel so little of her that he had to leave in the middle of the night before she woke up?
Reaching over for her robe which was lying on the floor next to her bed, she put it on and ventured into the kitchen warily.
"Jack?" she spoke again, feeling tears sting her eyes.
"Hey," he spoke from the sofa.
"I thought-" she started to say, but the lump in her throat was constricting any speech. Jack stood up from his position on the couch to come over to her as she stood silently shaking.
"You thought what?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried again ",I thought that you were gone, that this was all a mistake."
When he didn't respond right away she turned away from him. "Do you think it was a mistake? If you do then please tell me now and then go OK, we'll forget this ever happened."
"Sam," he spoke softly ", I can never think of you as a mistake, but you have to know something about me."
"Jack, you're starting to scare me."
"Sit down Sam," he said softly.
Not knowing what to do, she sat down next to him quietly on the sofa.
"I'm really, really sorry for what I put you through last week," he drew in a ragged breath ", I knew you were upset when we lost Daniel, and I know I pushed you away."
Sam looked down at her hands tightly clasped in her lap. Just the mention of Daniel's name broke her heart all over again. Her eye's started to fill with tears.
"Last night," he continued not looking at her ",was perfect. You were perfect, but-"
"I know what you're going to say Jack," she said softly trying not to let the tears flow from her eyes like they so wanted to.
"You are going to say that last night can never happen again because we were both upset and we needed someone, so we reached for each other," standing up, she turned her back to him ", I'm a big girl now Jack, I can take it."
"Sam, I'm sorry. I should have told you before all this."
"Told me what?" she asked as she turned to face him.
" I had a message from Laira, she needs me to go to Edora," his voice broke in mid sentence, but he regained control ", I have a son Sam."
The colour drained from her face as she sank down on the sofa again. Laira and Jack, a son? Oh god this was a disaster, she could never give him a child even though she would give anything to be able to do so.
"Congratulations," she choked as the tears threatening to fall slowly slipped down her cheeks ", when are you leaving?"
" In a few hours." He looked down at his major who was sitting so still, only raw emotion flowing from her eyes ",Sam I'm sorry."
"Please go Jack," she sniffed back a sob ", I'll be fine like always."
"Sam?"
"Just go."
When she finally heard the door close as he left, she succumbed to her grief.
Two hours later, Major Samantha Carter had once again returned to the composed young woman everyone knew. She stood quietly as Colonel O'Neill said goodbye to everyone in turn. When he reached her she kept the pain she felt closely guarded, her eyes unreadable. " Goodbye sir," she said simply.
" Sam," he said softly.
"Sir?" she said her voice sounding strained, her heart pleading with him to stay.
"Take care of yourself," was all he said before he turned and walked away from her.
Then was gone.
"Major Carter are you unwell?" asked a concerned Teal'c.
"I'm fine," she smiled shakily as she touched his hand on her arm ", I'll be fine."
Four weeks later, Sam was better than fine she was doing very well, or so she would have everyone believe. The pain of losing Jack O'Neill had slowly eased away and she felt herself regaining control of her life again. She threw herself into her work, not allowing anyone close enough to see the pain that still lingered behind her smile.
At night when she was alone, it came back to haunt her again and again. The night they had made love, the morning when he told her she was a mistake.
Now, as Sam lay on her sofa listening to the soft patter of the rain outside, she couldn't help but wonder how he was enjoying his new life, and how much she was only living hers.
The nausea hit her quickly. Jumping up, she only just managed to reach the bathroom in time before throwing up for what seemed like hours.
The nausea lasted all night and most of the next day. Sam couldn't remember a time when she had felt so ill.
Reaching for the phone, she dialled Janet's number.
"Hello."
"Hi Janet, it's me."
"Sam, honey are you OK you sound awful?"
" No I think I have a bug or something. I've been throwing up all night and again this morning."
" Oh sweetie, I'll stop by on my way home OK and see how you're doing. Cassie's at her friends for the night."
"OK," Sam smiled then ",I'll see you soon."
Later that evening Janet arrived. She took one look at Sam and ordered her to sit down and rest while she made her something to drink. Sam was about to start protesting when she thought better of it. Never argue with Janet. Bad idea.
"There you go," Janet smiled as she handed Sam a steaming cup of coffee.
"Thank you," she smiled raising the cup to her lips. Once again, just the smell of the coffee made her nauseated. Putting the cup down quickly she ran to the bathroom.
"Are you feeling better now?" Janet asked worriedly when she returned.
"A little."
"It's not like you to get so sick. Have you eaten anything that could have given you food poisoning?"
"I haven't eaten much of anything since Daniel-," she stopped.
Janet felt tears springing to her eyes too at the mention of his name " I miss him too honey."
"Everything's fallen apart Janet." It came out as a whisper, but was followed by tears.
Janet listened while Sam poured out her heart.
They both cried as they remembered Daniel. Sam cried again as she told Janet of the night she had shared with Jack.
"I was a mistake Janet," she sobbed quietly ", a stupid mistake. I thought he loved me, at least I thought he did once."
" I thought so too Sam. I was so sure of it." Reaching out, Janet pulled Sam into a hug, trying to say something to her but not quite knowing how.
"Sam, are you late?" she said at last.
Sitting up slowly, she moved her friend to look at her.
Seeing sam's eyes flood with tears again at her question and the slow nod, she knew the answer. Chances were, her friend was pregnant.
"How late?"
Sam sniffed and wiped her eyes ", a week, maybe two... Janet."
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm pregnant."
Janet stayed with Sam well into the next morning. As SG1 were on stand down for the next week, Janet decided that Sam could go and stay with Cassie and her for a few days.
"It'll be fun," she smiled ",Cassie would love to have you all to herself for a while."
"I could use some time away from here," Sam agreed as she looked around her living room. Wherever she looked there was Jack. His presence still strong even though he had been gone for what felt like years.
"That's settled then. I'll come by in an hour to pick you up. I have something I need to do first."
"Janet, I'm a big girl, I can make it to yours on my own," Sam smiled.
"What if you get sick again? Besides, I want to."
"OK then, I'll grab a shower and be ready for you." Leaning over to her friend she hugged her warmly ", Thanks for everything."
"You're welcome honey, that's what friends are for."
True to her word, an hour later Janet was back. As Sam went to pick up her overnight bag, Janet handed her something.
"What's this?"
"Before we go anywhere I want you to do a pregnancy test, if it's negative then you can put all this behind you and get on with your life."
Sam looked at the box, turning it over in her hands ", What if it isn't?"
"Then we'll decided on what to do from there. Either way Sam, you need to know."
She nodded knowing that her friend was right. Slowly she headed for the bathroom.
Janet was pacing the floor waiting for Sam to come back out. She heard the door open and stopped dead. When there was no sign of Sam she ventured to see where she was. What she saw made her heart ache. There was her friend just staring at the small white tube in her hands, tears streaming down her face.
"Sam?"
"It can't be right Janet," she said through tears ", I thought after Jolinar that I couldn't, I mean-"
"Sam, is it blue?"
Slowly Sam looked up to her and nodded ", I'm pregnant Janet, I'm having a baby."
Janet didn't say anything, just moved her hand to Sam's shoulder, " I guess this is congratulations."
"Yeah," she sniffed back tears ", I guess it is."
The journey over to Janet's house was virtually in silence. Sam looked out of the window for most of the way. There was a war raging inside her, a battle between her head and her heart, and it looked as if her heart was winning.
Absently her hand moved protectively over her stomach. Janet glanced at her briefly, sure that Sam didn't even know she was doing it.
Silently she cursed Jack O'Neill for the heartache he had left behind.
They pulled into the drive way and came to a stop outside Janet's house.
Sam turned to her friend ", What if I'm a bad mother Janet?"
"Oh Sam," leaning over to squeeze her arm she smiled reassuringly ", you will be a wonderful mother."
Tears laid unshed behind Sam's eye's, a confession tumbling from within her ", I'm afraid."
Janet smiled, feeling herself flood with emotion ", I know sweetie, but we are going to get through this together, I promise you."
"What do I tell Cassie? Or Teal'c? How do I tell them? They'll ask questions, what do I tell them?" the feeling of nausea began to rise in her again ",Janet I'm so scared."
Reaching out a hand to firmly grasp the arm of the scared young woman by her side, Janet spoke with a fierce promise ", They love you. I love you. We will get through this together." Squeezing Sam's arm with reassurance she looked directly into her eye's "OK?"
Sam bit her lip to stop the tears and nodded her head. She wished Daniel were here, she needed him right now. He would always be one of the first people she would reach for in a crisis. Her best friend, her brother, but, he was gone now.
Nodding again more firmly, she took a deep breath. ",OK."
"Let's get inside."
Sam followed Janet into the house and was immediately crushed into a hug from Cassie who flew at her the minute they opened the door.
"I missed you, are you staying?" she asked excitedly.
Sam couldn't help but smile ", For a few days, yeah."
"Oh great," Cassie beamed, hugging her tighter.
"Cassie," Janet smiled "Would you go and get Sam's bag and take it upstairs hon please?"
"Sure mom," she beamed.
Sam watched her go, closing her hand down to her stomach. She couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with feelings of fear and elation all at once. She didn't notice Janet watching her silently.
"Sam, you want to come and help me in the kitchen?"
Pulled out of her daydream, she smiled brightly, the first real smile for weeks "sure."
Later that evening, after eating, Sam and Cassie sat on the sofa watching old movies together.
Cassie laid with her head on sam's shoulder and her arm looped in Sam's.
"Mom said you wasn't feeling well, are you OK?" she asked not moving from her comfortable position.
Sam couldn't help but smile ", I'm fine honey, just a little tired that's all."
"Do you miss Daniel too?" Cassie asked quietly ", I miss him so bad."
Closing her eye's tightly against tears, Sam leaned her head closer to Cassie's and kissed her head gently ", Yeah I miss him like you wouldn't believe."
"I miss Jack too," Cassie said leaning in closer ",it's sad without him."
Sam felt a pain stab through her heart as the tears that she had kept hidden suddenly welled into pools in her eye's.
Cassie moved to look up at her ",Are you crying?"
Shaking her head, trying to deny it, she spoke quietly ",No."
" I miss him too Sam, a lot. It's OK to cry, " Cassie leaned in to hug her.
Sam held her tight feeling the warmth from this remarkable young woman wash over her. Somehow, her honesty gave her strength. A strength to believe things would be all right.
Pulling back, Sam smiled warmly through tears, and moved a stray hair from cassie's eye's ", Yes I miss him, but one day it will stop hurting. I've got you and your mom to help me not be sad."
" You know what helps me?" Cassie smiled as she squeezed Sam's hand.
"No, what?"
" Ice cream," Cassie grinned ", lots and lots of it."
Sam couldn't help but smile. She wiped her eye's and sniffed back the last of her tears ",sounds like a plan."
Later that night after Cassie had gone to bed, Janet and Sam sat on the sofa talking softly. It had been a nice evening, which had ended in marathon ice cream sessions that were mostly consumed by Cassie herself.
"I'm glad I came," Sam smiled ", I needed to get away for a while."
"I'm glad you're here. It's not often we get time to sit down together and talk about things," Janet smiled ", it's been a tough few weeks hasn't it?"
"Yeah, sure has."
Janet felt the question she had been burning to ask come tumbling out before she could think about not saying it "Are you going to tell him about the baby?"
Sam looked up then, visibly shaken by the question. Immediately Janet reached out to her ", I'm sorry Sam but you have to think of it some time."
Sam was quiet for a long time before she spoke," You know one of the last things he said to me before he left me that morning?" She asked as she wiped the beginnings of a tear away from her lashes.
"No, what?" Janet squeezed her hand when she didn't respond ", Sam?"
Sam's voice broke with emotion as her heart remembered his words ", He said I have a son."
A lone tear broke free to roll down her face ", I knew then that there would be no way I could ever compete with that. It broke my heart to hear him say those words. I know even if he doesn't love Laira he loves his son, and I-" she stopped to wipe her eyes ",And now I don't know what to do."
She sniffed back to stop more tears from falling ", Look at me I'm a total mess. I can't stop crying, I'm tired of it."
"Honey it's natural. You're pregnant, you will be emotional," Janet reassured her.
" I've cried every day for the past two months Janet. Every time I think of Daniel I cry. I think of Jack, I cry," she threw her hands up in despair as she started crying again ", look I'm doing it again."
"When was the last time you had a night's sleep?"asked Janet trying to calm her.
Sam thought of the night she spent with Jack. The only night she had been able to sleep soundly, with his arms around her surrounding her with his love. Closing her eyes to the vision in her mind she shook her head ", I can't remember."
"OK, you need rest Sam and as your doctor I'm ordering you to bed."
"Don't you ever get out of doctor mode?" Sam smiled at her order.
"No," she grinned ", not if I can help it."
"Well I am tired," Sam sighed ", I think I will go to bed."
"Good. If you need anything you know where everything is, just help yourself OK?"
"OK," Sam stood up and hugged her friend warmly ", Thanks Janet, for everything."
"Hey, that's what friends are for right? Now go and get some rest."
"OK."
Janet watched her walk away to her room and let out a sigh, it was going to be a very long week, she could feel it. Turning off the lights, she made her way up the stairs. Yep a very long week.
Elsewhere, on Edora, Jack's eye's roamed the starry night sky. He longed to see home again, more than he ever thought he would. He missed everyone back on earth, especially his beautiful major.
Her face appeared in his mind like a taunting beacon, reminding him of the hurt on her face as he walked away from her. He felt his own heart aching for her touch, even after leaving her, breaking her heart.
He thought that being with his child would be all the love he would ever need, and that maybe he would one day love laira too, but, even after all this time, Sam still haunted his dreams.
He needed to see her again, but was afraid to at the same time. He wanted to be with his son, but he wanted Sam too, and what sucked big time was the fact that he couldn't have both. Was he ready to make a choice? Would he ever be ready?
Turning away from the night, he walked back into the house he shared with Laira and their son, his only thoughts of the woman he left behind.
"Jack?" Laira spoke softly as he came in through the door.
"I thought you would be asleep by now, what are you doing?"
" I heard you leave and I was worried. Are you not happy here with us?" she said, gesturing towards the sleeping 2 year old in the bed.
" Of course I'm happy to be here with both of you. Joshua is my son and there's no way I would not be with him." Jack silently walked over to the sleeping child and crouched down to gently stroke his face.
"But not with me?" she said almost angrily.
"Laira. I left behind my world and people I care about to be here. It's going to take time that's all," he spoke sighing heavily ", I'm gonna get some sleep. I'll be leaving early tomorrow morning to meet Teal'c and Sam. They're bringing some stuff that I needed from home."
" I understand Jack," she smiled again ", until you are ready to be with me I will wait."
He turned from her and with a heavy heart, he went to his room alone, as he had done every night since arriving on Edora. He couldn't wait to see Sam's face when she emerged from the event horizon. Right now, that's all he needed.
Janet sat up in bed. It was still dark outside. Unsure whether she had dreamt it or actually heard it, she could have sworn she had heard something. Climbing out of bed and reaching for her robe, she tentatively opened her bedroom door.
As she descended the stairs, she heard voices coming from the kitchen. One was definitely Sam's and the other... "Teal'c," she breathed a sigh of relief ", what are you doing here it's 4 am?"
" I am sorry to have disturbed you doctor Frasier," he said solemnly his head slightly bowed to her.
"That's OK Teal'c," she smiled, then looked over at Sam who sat heavily on one of the kitchen stools ", Sam? You OK?"
"Yeah, I'm OK. I'm sorry I woke you."
"Hey that's OK, don't worry. You look tired, did you sleep?"
"A little, but I got sick again and just couldn't go back to sleep," she sighed and rubbed her hands over her tired face ", I called Teal'c to tell him to go to Edora without me."
" Edora? When?" Janet was confused ", I thought you were on stand down. I didn't know you were due out."
" It is not a mission Doctor Frasier, it is merely to take supplies to O'Niell," Teal'c explained ", Major Carter intended to accompany me, but as she is unwell.."
"I'm sorry I let you down Teal'c," Sam said softly.
Teal'c regarded Sam carefully. She looked fatigued and totally drained. The usual sparkle in her eye's had dulled leaving them slightly grey instead of their radiant blue.
He surprised both woman when he reached out a hand to Sam's arm. His warmth seeping through to her skin. With tear filled eye's she regarded him with a deep feeling of pride.
" Major Carter, you could never in any way disappoint me."
Sam reached to lay her hand on his own and squeezed it gently ", Thank you Teal'c, but you don't know what I've done. I've let everyone down Teal'c," she said, her voice so soft it was almost inaudible ", I'm pregnant."
Sam closed her eye's waiting for the inevitable disappointment from the huge man by her side. It never came. He merely placed his other hand on her shoulder to turn her to face him. When she looked up into his eyes she was relieved. What she saw there in his face wasn't disappointment, but acceptance.
" Then I am extremely pleased," he smiled gently.
"I told you," Janet smiled, feeling the emotions rise within her ",you have the support from all of us."
Sam felt tears well behind her eye's again as she drew her two friends into an emotional embrace. "Thank you."
"A baby?" Cassie squealed from the doorway excitedly.
All three turned to see her emerge from behind the door. ", I didn't mean to listen, but I heard voices and then I saw you all."
"God I'm sorry," Janet looked at Sam apologetically.
"It's OK Janet, I was going to tell her soon anyway," she looked over at the young girl with affection, moving to take her hands in hers ", yes I'm having a baby Cassie."
"Cool," she grinned ", this is so great. Does Jack know?"
"Cassandra," Janet warned.
"It's OK Janet," Sam said sadly, then looked back to Cassie ", no he doesn't know."
" But you're gonna tell him right?"
"Cassie," Janet almost yelled " I don't think Sam's ready to talk about that yet, so why don't you go back to bed. You have school tomorrow."
"Aww mom," she protested.
"Go."
Sighing heavily she turned from Sam and walked towards the door. Turning back she grinned at Sam ", I think it's cool you're going to be a mom."
Janet followed her out to make sure she went upstairs. Watching them as they left, Sam suddenly felt weak and sat down in the nearest chair. She raked a hand through her hair ", Please don't tell him Teal'c."
He watched her for a long moment before he spoke ", I will not speak of it, you have my word."
She closed her eyes again, unsure whether she was relieved or disappointed. The whole thing was just a nightmare, an unbearable nightmare.
" This is so hard," she choked on her words, feeling once again the sting of tears, "he doesn't want me, he never did." Her voice was charged with raw emotion as she gave into her grief and wept into her hands. Her body shaking with quiet sobs.
Teal'c came behind her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder ", Then he is a fool. Any man would be proud to have you at his side."
Hearing his words her sobs slowly dried away. She sat up a little straighter swiping a hand over her eyes, She turned to face him.
In all the years she had known this man, she had never seen him this gentle and compassionate before. Smiling a watery smile she leaned into him as he held her protectively.
" I offer you any support you need," he spoke gently ", O'Neill will not hear of your condition through me."
"Thanks Teal'c," she whispered into his shoulder ", it's good to know."
At 0900 hours the same morning, Teal'c stood with three members from SG4 in the embarkment room. As the last chevron locked and the gate revealed it's watery event horizon, Teal'c gave a look back to his friend who stood beside General Hammond in the control room. He nodded to her briefly before he stepped forward and disappeared through.
In the control room, General Hammond stood watching as the gate shut down then turned to the young woman beside him ", OK so care to tell me what all this is about?"
"Sir?" she asked confused.
"You. I thought you would be the first person through the gate to see Colonel O'Neill."
" I spoke to Doctor Frasier and she suggested I don't go through the stargate until this bug I have has totally gone. I only came in today to see Teal'c off safety." Sam was shaking inside, frantically trying to stop herself from showing how vulnerable she felt.
"That's a good idea Major," he said gently ", so might I suggest you go home and stay home until you are due back?"
"Yes sir." Turning from him she thought about saying something but changed her mind ", I'll see you next week sir."
Hammond watched her worriedly as she walked away from him. Something was wrong, he could feel it, and he had the nagging suspicion that Jack O'Niell was somewhere behind it.
On Edora, Teal'c moved the pack he carried onto his back as he walked with the others down the hill to meet with the people coming towards them. One he noted was O'Neill, who by this time was practically running.
When he reached them he had a huge grin on his face and threw his arms affectionately around his friend ", Great to see you buddy."
Teal'c smiled slightly at O'Neill's enthusiasm. "It is good to see you O'Neill."
Jack looked around him ",Where's Carter? I can't see her."
Teal'c remembering his promise to her kept his reply short ", Major Carter is unwell, she was advised not to travel through the stargate."
"Sam's sick?" Jack asked worriedly ", is she all right?"
" All I can reveal is that she is unwell," Teal'c replied a little coldly. His tone softened however when he saw the worry etched on O'Neill's face ", She regrets that she can not see you herself."
" How's she coping Teal'c? How is she?"
"I am afraid for her O'Neill," he said honestly ", the loss of Daniel Jackson has affected her deeply, but she is a strong woman, she will prevail"
"I guess I didn't help much either by walking away like that," Jack said muttering to himself.
"She is a strong woman. She will forget in time."
"But, I don't want-" Jack started to say but was cut off by Laira approaching them.
" Fair day to you," she smiled a greeting to Teal'c.
He merely nodded to her, his silence speaking volumes. Laira turned to Jack ", There is a meal awaiting our guests, they must be hungry."
"OK, we'll be there in a second," he smiled.
As she walked away, Jack and Teal'c followed slowly behind. The smile faded from Jack's face as he spoke quietly to his friend ", I think I've made a huge mistake."
Teal'c regarded him for a moment before he spoke ", Indeed ."
Jack stopped dead while Teal'c carried on walking, what the hell was going on?
Four days after Teal'c had left, Sam was becoming restless. True, she was having fun with Janet and Cassie, but the call of her lab was getting too much to bear. She needed to be doing something instead of sitting around doing nothing. She still didn't know how or what she was going to say to General Hammond. After all, she couldn't keep her condition secret forever. Sighing she took a deep breath, it was time to take charge of her life again.
The tears were becoming less frequent now, but she still had times when she couldn't stop them from emerging. The sickness however, was still rearing it's head almost all day on a regular basis.
The war still raged inside her, but slowly after the help from her friends, she was beginning to accept the changes which would occur in her life.
Staring at herself in the mirror, she saw how tired she looked. Jack O'Neill may not want her in his life, but she still had deep feelings for him. Feelings which she hope she could one day banish from her heart.
Slowly, her hand moved to her stomach. Looking down at herself, she still couldn't believe that there was a tiny life growing inside her. A miracle that she never dared wish she would experience. She may not have Jack or his love, but she had a part of him to pour her love into. This little life would be loved and cared for. He or she would want for nothing.
Smiling to herself, she turned so she could see herself sideways in the mirror. Her eye's travelled down to her still flat stomach, and she couldn't help but imagine how she would look in a few months time.
This was right. This was meant to be. She was going to be a mother.
"Sam," Janet called from downstairs ", Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'll be there in a second," Sam called back. She didn't know if she was ready to do this yet, but facing the General and telling him was something she had to do.
Giving herself a last look in the mirror, she went to join Janet in the kitchen.
"Hey, you look a lot better this morning."
"I feel it," she smiled ", you know I think we're gonna be OK."
Janet smiled with renewed happiness as she went to hug her friend ", So this means..."
Sam pulled back and smiled at her ", I want this baby, more than anything."
"I'm so glad," Janet smiled tearfully.
"No don't cry," Sam's voice shuddered as she embraced her friend warmly ",you'll start me crying again and you know what I'm like when I start."
"I'm sorry," Janet laughed through tears.
"Well, you've done it now," Sam voice began to shake ", now I'm crying."
The two friends clung to each other.
The Edorian sun cast it's warm rays over the small crowd gathered at the stargate. Jack stood back slightly with his friend while SG4 prepared to dial out.
"It's good to see you again buddy," Jack grinned ", make sure you say hi to everyone for me OK."
" I will indeed pass on your greetings O'Neill," Teal'c nodded.
" Tell Carter hi OK."
" I will."
" She's OK though isn't she? You would tell me if she was really sick?"
Teal'c looked at O'Neill carefully before he spoke ", If you are concerned about Major Carter, would it not be wise for you to see her yourself?"
"I would really love to Teal'c, but they need me here."
As if on cue, Laira walked to them carrying Joshua in her arms ", Jack, I was hoping we could spend some time with our son today. He hasn't seen you for some time."
Jack fought off feeling of intense frustration at the woman. He was about to retort angrily when his son put out his arms to be taken. The anger melted away as her moved the child into his arms.
"Hey there Josh, you gonna say goodbye to uncle Teal'c?"
" He is a healthy growing boy," Teal'c said, reaching out a hand to the youngster.
"He bears little resemblance to you O'Neill."
Jack was taken aback slightly with Teal'c's words. Smiling awkwardly he just let it slide.
"Good thing don't you think?"
"Indeed," the jaffa nodded his head a half smile on his face.
"Hey, that's not funny," Jack grinned. Reaching forward he tapped his friends shoulder "Take care of yourself Teal'c."
"And you O'Neill," he said before he walked away and followed SG4 into the stargate.
Jack stood watching as the stargate disengaged, deep in thought. Joshua leaned up and tapped his face, a huge grin on his chubby face. Jack felt a serge of love for the child in his arms and held him closer to him. There was something not right about Teal'c. He would talk about everything except Sam. Jack had this deep nagging suspicion that all was not right at the SGC.
It was quiet in the infirmary. Janet had come in earlier to make sure she and Sam would have some privacy while she carried out a thorough check up. The last thing Sam needed right now was some idle gossip about her and Colonel O'Neill.
"Right Sam, just relax," she said as she laid a hand on her stomach ", this won't hurt."
Sam looked up at the ceiling while Janet pressed her stomach, feeling the size of the feotus and to see how far along Sam's pregnancy was.
"OK," she smiled ",you can sit up and put your top back on now."
"How is everything Janet?" Sam asked as she sat up and pulled her black t shirt over her head.
"Well from what I can tell you're about 6 weeks along. But we'll be able to tell more acurately when we do an ultrasound."
Sam smiled at her friend warmly ", this is really happening isn't it?"
Janet put down the notes she was holding and leaned out a hand to touch Sam's shoulder ", yes it is."
Both woman were starting to get tearful again until Sam shook herself. Crying at the SGC was not an option.
"I'll still need to do some blood tests and monthly exams, but from what I can tell you are a normal healthy mom to be."
Sam grinned. It sounded nice. A mom to be.
The sound of the alarm warning for the arrival of someone through the stargate brought them both back to reality.
"That'll be Teal'c," Sam smiled.
Janet watched her as she walked to the door, hoping and praying that Colonel O'Neill hadn't decided to travel back with Teal'c. Something like that happening would send Sam right back to square one, and she had only just accepted the circumstances.
In the gate room, Sam arrived in time to see Teal'c and the members of SG4 step through onto the metal ramp. She felt her heart flutter at the thought of a certain Colonel stepping through after them, but, it didn't happen.
Sam cursed herself for her weakness. He had made it perfectly clear that she was not a part of his life. So why couldn't she just forget him?
Stepping forward she went to greet her friend as he came back onto solid ground.
General Hammond regarded her closely as she came to stand by his side. He noted that she was still very pale and had dark circles under her eyes.
He knew too that as SG1 only had two remaining members, he would have to disband them as a team. His flag ship team had developed cracks with the loss of Daniel Jackson. So when Jack O'Neill announced he was retiring to Endora, they had all but splintered apart.
Brought out of his reverie, he watched silently as Major Carter stepped forward to warmly embrace her friend on his return. Such a display of affection was rare from her. Come to think of it from Teal'c too.
"Welcome back Teal'c," Sam grinned as she pulled him into a warm embrace.
"Major Carter," he smiled returning the gesture.
He withdrew from her arms and looked down at her ",Are you well?"
"I am," she beamed a smile.
"Then," he replied ", I am most please."
Hammond moved closer to the pair and smiled a greeting. "Teal'c, welcome home."
The Jaffa nodded his head in greeting. " Colonel O'Neill sends greetings to you General Hammond."
"How's he doing Teal'c?" Hammond asked, noticing Sam pale at the mention of O'Neill's name.
"He is well."
The mention of Jack's name sent a visible shudder through Sam's heart. How could he even now have this affect on her? A wave of dizziness suddenly came over her.
"Major Carter?" Teal'c spoke concerned.
" I'm fine, I," turning to them both ", actually I don't feel so good, would you both excuse me, I think I'll go to the infirmary."
"Major?" Hammond put a hand out to stop her ", when you're done I'd like to see you in my office."
She looked up at him in a mixture of shock and surprise, she hoped he couldn't feel her shaking ", Yes sir."
"I will accompany you Major Carter," Teal'c said standing by her side. He gave Hammond a warning look as if to say, hands off.
Hammond complied and stepped aside. Things around here were getting very strange indeed.
Sam felt her legs start to buckle the second they were clear of Hammond. What did he want to see her for? Did he suspect?
"Major Carter," Teal'cs voice brought her back to reality.
"I'm sorry," she said sadly looking up at him ", I guess I'm not used to hearing his name yet."
" I understand," he lifted a hand to her arm, guiding her so she didn't fall.
She knew she shouldn't be interested, but she needed to know ", How is he Teal'c, really?"
" He expressed concern for your well being."
" He did?"
" He was most upset by your absence."
Sam stopped walking. Putting a hand out to stop him she looked up at him, her eyes suddenly welling with tears ", Is he happy?"
Teal'c thought about his answer truthfully ", I believe he is."
Trying not to let the disappointment show she carried on walking ", That's good then."
Teal'c walked beside her again. The truth was O'Neill was happy, but not with Laira.
" I was beinning to wonder where you and Joshua had gone," Laira smiled as she joined them outside.
Knee deep in sand he turned to watch her as she came to sit on the ground beside them.
" You seem quiet Jack."
" Am I?" he said not looking at her.
" Do you regret coming here to live with us?"
Jack thought about his answer. His first instinct was to tell her the truth that he missed home, that he still loved Sam, and no matter how far apart they were he would still love her. Instead, after Teal'cs visit and the last thing he said, he turned to her.
" Why did you wait so long to tell me about Joshua?"
When she didn't answer, he reached out to touch her arm ", Why?"
" I thought I could cope on my own Jack," she said softly ", but then when Joshua was getting older, I needed help."
"That doesn't explain why you didn't tell me as soon as you were pregnant."
"I," she looked away ", you left. I didn't think I would see you again."
" That's no excuse. Do you think I would have stayed away if I knew you were having my son?"
At the sound of raised voices, Joshua turned to look at his parents. He stopped playing and crawled to Laira's side.
Picking him up carefully she soothed him. "Why are you asking me this Jack?" she said in a harsh whisper ", you're here now."
"I want the truth Laira," he whispered back angrily ", and I want it now."
Laira glared at him as she turned to walk away, cradling her son in her arms.
Kicking angrily at the sand wall he had spent an hour building, Jack turned to follow her into the house. For the second time that day, he was beginning to have doubts about Joshua.
Hammond looked up as his door opened slowly ", You wanted to see me sir?"
"Major Carter, come in and sit down."
Sam felt her heart leap into her throat as she gently closed the door behind her. Visibly shaking now, she came to take a seat in front of his desk, waiting for him to give her his reasons for her summons.
"OK Sam," he said calmly ", I need to ask you a personal question."
Oh boy, she thought in her head, here comes the bomb shell.
Sam held her breath, waiting for his next words. The realisation that she couldn't just simply enjoy the brief time of only herself and a few others knowing her secret, was about to be shattered.
"I have noticed how sick you've been Sam, and I know you and Teal'c are under an emotional strain," he stopped then choosing his words carefully ", is there anything you would like to discuss with me privately?"
Sam felt herself pale. Was this it? Was all this out in the open?
" Such as Sir?" she asked shakily.
" Sam, I know losing Doctor Jackson was a huge loss for you, and I know you were both very close." He stopped and tried a different approach ", Were the two of you involved?"
Her head snapped up sharply ", Involved?"
"Yes, as in.. together?"
"You think Daniel and I?" her voice wavered slightly, then slowly she shook her head.
Hammond watched the mixed emotions displayed on her face. She was in termoil. Just as he thought she had nothing left to say, she started to speak again, her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear her.
" I loved him, so much. He was always there when I needed a hug or when I needed someone to tell me they loved me.." slowly tears started to roll down her face, she made no move to brush them away ", and then he was gone and I was alone again."
"Sam.."
She carried on, obviously not finished ", He was my strength, and he knew me better than anyone has ever known me. He knew how I liked my eggs, he knew that I hate marmalade, and that eating strawberries makes me sick," she looked up at him then, her eyes so full of grief that the General felt his heart weep for her ", and he knew how much I loved..." She stopped.
" What Sam?"
" Sir," she sniffed " I have something to tell you and I know you are going to be angry and I know you will be disappointed in me, but I have to tell you."
"Sam?"
" I'm pregnant sir," there she had told him at last, it was over with.
" I see," he nodded, everything falling into place now. " Is this a good thing Sam?"
She looked up at him confused, this wasn't the answer she had expected. " Yes it is sir, I want this baby."
" Then all I can say is congratulations major."
" I..sir?"
" Did he know before he died that you were pregnant?" he asked.
" He?" she shook her head confused ", died?" then it all became clear in her mind, he thought Daniel was her baby's father.
She wanted to scream out that this baby was Jack's but she bit her tongue before she could scream it. Instead she shook her head, not denying the baby was his and not admitting it wasn't. Maybe this was best that no one else knew.
" Well, I want you to take things slow. I don't want you to over do things like you have been," he sighed, knowing he would hurt her more with what he was about to say ", in a way this works out nicely."
" How so sir?" She asked as she wiped the last remnance of tears from her eyes.
" As one of the only two remaining members of SG1, I have no option but to disband the team."
" Oh I see," she should have expected this.
" Now with you on restricted duty, it seems the most sensible thing to do."
She felt as if she was on automatic pilot. Her body made the moves and she went along with them. ", After the baby..." she stopped rewording it differently ", I want to return to full duties eventually."
" Of course, and there will always be a place for you at the SGC."
" Thank you sir." All at once she didn't want to be here any more, she needed the sanctuary of her lab ", Can I go now sir? I'm not feeling so good."
" Of course major, and let me know if you need anything."
She stood up and moved to the door, " Thank you sir, I will."
Hammond watched her go. He knew now without a doubt that Jack O'Neill played a huge part in the Majors turmoil. He hoped one day she would be able to tell him the truth. He would wait.
Jack stared out into the Edorian villiage. He was becoming frustrated with the whole situation with Laira.
She refused to answer his questions about Joshua and why she had waited so long before she made contact with him. More and more when he looked at the small boy, he began to doubt.
The worst thing about the whole damn mess was that he truly loved that child as his own, and Laira knew it.
He was brought out of his thoughts by a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see one of the village folk beside him.
" You look troubled," Paynan said concerned.
Sighing heavily Jack turned to him ", Nah, not really, but, you know how it is."
" That I do," the man beside him patted his shoulder.
" So what you doing out here? I thought you'd be, I don't know, farming stuff or something."
" Even farmers need a break time Jack," he smiled.
" Yeah I guess so," he turned his head to stare out once again into the distance.
" You miss your world don't you?"
Jack laughed bitterly ", Shows does it?"
" I'm afraid so my friend," Paynan followed his eyes onto the horizon ", if you are unhappy here why don't you just go back, there's nothing to keep you here."
" Nothing to keep me here?" Jack said alarmed ", my son is here."
Paynan looked confused for a moment ", Your son?"
" Yeah, my son, little guy, name of Joshua," Jack turned to look at him.
Paynan opened his mouth to speak when Laira came up behind them ", Jack I have prepared a meal for you, come inside before it gets cold, it would be a shame to waist it."
" Fair day Laira," Paynan spoke looking into her eyes.
She turned to him, paling slightly " Paynan, fair day."
She turned to Jack again ",Please come inside, I can hear Joshua waking."
" I'll go Laira, you can stay and talk to my friend here," he patted Paynans shoulder. He didn't look back as he walked away from both of them.
Paynan looked at Laira warily ", What are you doing Laira? You have told him that he is Joshua's father?"
She turned to walk away " I will not discuss this further Paynan."
" What you are doing is wrong Laira. You agreed to raise the child, not to lie."
Turning abruptly she walked up to the man in front of her ", I am not lying, I wanted him to father my child, and now he is."
" It is wrong, you are lying to him."
Turning away from him sharply, she walked hurriedly away from him, not wanting to hear any more.
Paynan stood and watched her leave. He couldn't believe she was doing this. It was unfair to Jack, and unfair for the child, he was going to do something about it before it was too late.
Laira came into the house to see Jack bouncing little Joshua on his knee. They were so good together, she thought. So what if he didn't father him, he was a good father now and that's all that mattered.
Jack noticed her watching them and stood, bringing Joshua up to hold him in his arms " What are you doing standing there?" he asked, then turned to smile down at his son ", we were just playing until you came back."
" I was watching you," she came forward to take her son from his arms ", you are good with him."
" If I'd known about him sooner I would have been a lot better with him," his voice sounded angrier than he'd intended.
" Can we not discuss this now Jack?" she asked, again avoiding his question ", I need to bath Joshua."
He put a hand out to stop her ", I want to know why Laira, and tonight we are going to discuss it, am I making myself clear?"
She looked up at him angrily ", Let go of my arm Jack, I don't need to give you an explanation."
"Oh yes you do," he said angrily ", because if you don't give me an explanation I will pack my things and go back to earth."
She looked up into his face seeing him deadly serious, then nodded slowly ", all right, tonight I'll tell you everything."
" Good," he said simply, letting go of her arm. He watched her walk away, then sat at the table where the plate of food still sat. He poked at it angrily, wishing the night was here already.
" Hey Sam, what's up you don't look so good?" Janet asked concerned as her friend came into the infirmary.
" I told him," she breathed ", I told General Hammond."
Janet took her arm and led her into her office, closing the door behind them.
" Are you OK?"
" He thinks Daniel's the father," she said softly ", I didn't correct him."
" Oh honey, it's all right," she sat down next to her friend putting a comforting arm around her.
" No it's not Janet," Sam sniffed as tears threatened to fall again ", it feels as if my whole life is collapsing around me and I can't do a thing to stop it."
" What happened Sam?" Janet asked looking at her friend worriedly.
" He wants to split us up," she let a tear fall down her cheek ", SG1 is over Janet."
" Oh honey, I'm so sorry."
" I at least had a part of him while we were still together, but now it's all over," Sam leant into her friend while she let the tears fall.
" Shh, it'll be OK, I know it'll all work out."
" He's finally gone," Sam sobbed quietly ", he's gone forever and I don't know what to do."
Holding her tight, Janet understood now. Sam had still clung to the hope that Jack might actually come back to her, that as a part of SG1, he would come back to reclaim his team, but now it was all gone. Nothing left.
There was a knock on the door making them both jump. One of the nurses popped her head around the door and was about to speak, but stopped when she saw the scene before her.
" I'll be there in a minute," Janet told her ", close the door on the way out."
The nurse did as she was told and left quickly.
Pulling back, Sam rubbed her hands over her eyes ", I'm sorry Janet, I didn't know where to go."
" Honey you can come here any time you want to. I'm your friend and I'll always be here for you."
" Thanks," she gave a small smile.
Janet stood up and rubbed Sam's shoulder "Are you going to be OK for a while?"
" Yeah, I'm gonna go back to my lab, things don't get so complicated there."
" Listen, come over to my place tonight. We'll have pizza and that weird shake you like so much."
Sam smiled at her, still wiping the last of the tears away ", It's not weird."
" Peanut butter and cranberry?" Janet screwed her face up as she said it ", it's a good thing I know you're pregnant Sam or I'd be very worried."
Sam just smiled as she hugged her again ", Thanks Janet. I'm sorry I cried all over you again."
" Hey what are friends for?" she grinned. Then seriously " Are you gonna be OK?"
" Yeah," she rubbed her hands over her face again " I will be."
" You want me to invite Teal'c too? Just the three of us?"
" What about Cass?" Sam asked.
" She's out tonight at her friends house, so it'll only be us."
" OK," she smiled ", I'll see you tonight."
Sam hugged her again " What would I do without you?"
Janet just smiled ",Go quietly insane?"
"Yeah, that too," Sam grinned.
Janet opened the door as they both stepped outside. She watched as Sam walked out of the infirmary, then turned to her nurses " OK, so what did you need to see me about?"
Jack looked up as the door slowly creaked open revealing a worried looking Laira.
" Sit down please Jack," she said quietly.
He stopped his pacing to do as she asked, waiting for her to give him an explanation to her actions.
" Well, I'm listening," he said coldly.
" Please, Jack," she winced at his tone ", I did what I thought was right at the time."
" Which was keeping me from knowing about my son?"
" I thought you didn't want to be here with me. You left me to return to your world."
" I had no reason to stay," he stood up angrily ", you should have told me the second you knew."
" I couldn't Jack. You had your own life and I didn't want to complicate it," she watched him as he came to stand in front of her.
" Well you did complicate things Laira."
She looked up into his angry face ", How did I ?"
" I left behind someone who means a hell of a lot to me. I hurt her," he shook away the memories drifting into his mind ", If you had bothered to tell me about Joshua I would have come back right away and I wouldn't have let myself love her. I wouldn't have hurt her like I have."
" Who is she?" she asked, jealousy biting at her heart.
" She is not the issue here Laira, you and your actions are."
She stood shakily to her feet ", I told you. I did what I thought was right at the time."
She began to walk away until he caught her arm and pulled her roughly to face him
" Why now?"
" Let go of me Jack," she hissed.
" Not until you tell me. I want to know why you waited until he was two years old before you decided to contact me and screw up the life I had." He stopped at his words, letting her go.
She rubbed her arm and stared down at the floor.
" Paynan was surprised when I mention Joshua was my son Laira. You'd think he'd know about you being pregnant wouldn't you?" He watched her as she looked away.
" Paynan's mind is not what it was. You can't believe anything he says."
" So now he's crazy?" Jack asked her not believing what he was hearing.
" I can hear Joshua," she said walking to the door ", I don't want to discuss this any more."
He watched her as she left, maybe he was the crazy one. He must be to have left Sam the way he did. He loved her, that much was apparent to him now. Even if he went back, he didn't think she would forgive him this time, hell he couldn't forgive himself.
" JACK" Laira screamed from Joshua's room suddenly.
Leaving thoughts of Sam behind, he ran to see what was wrong. What he saw filled him with dread, there was his son, covered in a bloody rash all over his body.
" Laira run get a doctor," his voice shook as he went to lift the bedsheet for a closer look. When he saw she was still glued to the spot he yelled at her ", NOW"
She gave him a final horrified look and ran out of the house.
Sam sighed as she flopped back onto Janet's couch ", You know I don't think I could eat another thing."
Janet grinned, sipping at her wine ", well you seem to have your appetite back."
" Yeah I have haven't I" Sam leaned over to pick up her glass to take a sip of her shake.
"Eww, how can you drink that stuff, it's gross," Janet screwed up her face at just the smell of the offending drink.
Sam just smiled, ignoring her, she turned to Teal'c who sat cross legged on the floor beside her. " Well Teal'c likes it."
Both Janet and Teal'c looked up at her for an explanation. She just burst into a fit of giggles at their faces.
Janet had to admit, it was so nice to have Sam back.
" Major Carter, I merely voiced an opinion," Teal'c looked at her carefully.
" You said it was an unusual smell," she grinned ", in my book that means you don't hate it."
"To which book do you refer Major Carter," he said confused.
That just started her off giggling again.
" It's a saying Teal'c," Janet offered, then leaned over to pat her friends arm " Are you sure that stuff hasn't got anything in it?"
Sam stopped laughing and looked down into her glass, a feeling of nausea sweeping over her from nowhere. Standing quickly she ran to the bathroom.
Janet looked at Teal'c sighing, they really thought she would be able to keep her food down this time.
" I should check on her," she said getting off the couch.
They both looked up as the bathroom door opened and she stepped out. Looking pale.
" You OK Sam?"
" Yeah," she came to sit on the couch rubbing a hand over her face. The happy mood of a few minutes ago, gone.
" Major Carter if you wish I will leave you to speak privately with Doctor Frasier."
" NO," she shouted, stopping him from leaving. Then more calmly " no, Teal'c please don't go."
" As you wish," he nodded and returned to his sitting position.
" I'm sorry," she said softly.
" Honey what for? You haven't done anything." Janet leaned over to rub her arm.
" Thanks Janet, but all I've done for the past few weeks is cry on you or get sick and have to ruin everything," she looked over to her other friend ", Teal'c?"
He turned to face her ", What is wrong Major Carter?"
" Are you going to leave Earth?" she asked biting her lip.
" I assure you that I have no intention of returning to my people for some time." Getting to his feet, he came to her, and in a gesture of affection pulled her to her feet and held her to his chest. " I will not leave while I am needed here."
Sam closed her eyes against his chest, her arms coming up to wrap around his back "I'm so glad."
Back on Edora, little Joshua's condition was worsening as time progressed. Jack watched as the doctor shook his head ", I don't know what this is. I have seen nothing like it before. It looks like a skin laceration. I doubt if I can even treat it."
" Please, you have to do something," Laira pleaded.
The doctor looked at her, then at Jack, nodding his head. ", Yes, I will try."
Leaning down to feel the child's head, he felt it hot under his hand.
" I will need cold water and cloths to dress his wounds," he said as he took of his coat and started to roll up his sleeves.
Laira left the room for the water and Jack grabbed any cloth he could find ", This OK doc?" he asked handing it to him.
" Yes, thank you."
" I have water for you doctor," Laira's voice shook as she came into the room and placed the bowl on a chair beside the bed.
" While I work I suggest you contact his parents. They may know what this is."
Jack's head snapped up sharply, his eyes accusing Laira of all kinds of lies. Keeping the anger in his voice at a restrained level he spoke directly to her ", Yes, get his parents Laira, I would like to meet them at last."
" Jack?" she stepped forward ", I'm, so-"
" Don't touch me Laira," he seethed.
Backing away she took one last look at the boy in the bed, and turned on her heel and fled the room.
Early morning at the SGC, Hammond looked up as he heard a quiet tap on his door.
"Come," he called.
The door opened to reveal a tired looking Sam ", You wanted to see me sir."
" Yes, have a seat Major."
Closing the door behind her she came to sit on one of the soft chairs near his desk. Rubbing her lower back with her hand she turned to look at him.
" Sam, how are you? Really?" he said worriedly, speaking not as her commanding officer but as a father would.
" Honestly?" she asked.
" Yes."
" I'm a mess Sir," she sighed ", I can't stop feeling sick and I'm tired all the time,but at the same time, I feel elated."
He smiled at that all too familiar feeling, remembering when his wife was pregnant. Letting go of the memories he looked at her seriously.
" I will have to report your condition Sam, I really can't avoid doing that for much longer," he stood to come and stand beside her " They will ask questions."
Looking up into his concerned eyes she nodded ", I know."
"Off the record Sam, this child isn't Doctor Jackson's is it?"
She felt her heart leap into her throat at his words. If she told the truth then she could be in all sorts of trouble. On the other hand if she lied, but could she do that? Slowly, with her eyes firmly focused on her hands in her lap, she shook her head.
" I thought so."
" What's going to happen to me when you report this sir?" she asked softly, not sure whether she really wanted an answer.
Hammond placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly ", I haven't seen anything to report Major. As far as I know, you haven't revealed the father of your child to me."
Snapping her head up quickly, she realised what he was trying to say. She hadn't actually said Jack was the father." Smiling up at him she nodded her head ", thank you sir."
Turning away from her, he smiled, " Dismissed Major."
Sam didn't linger in his office more than she needed to. Standing quickly, she exited the room, things didn't look so bleak after all.
" How is he doing doc?" Jack asked from the other side of Joshua's bed.
The old man rubbed a tired hand over his face ", I really don't know. He seems to have made little progress in the time I have been here."
Nodding, he turned his attention back to the little boy who he had believed was his son. In a way he felt a deep sadness that he wasn't, but the anger at the woman who had lied to him overpowered all those feelings.
The door creaked open as Laira spoke softly "Doctor, Joshua's parents are here, shall I send them in?"
" Yes," he stood ",please do, I wish to speak with them both."
When the door opened, Jack almost died with shock. There before him stood Laira's son.
He came to sit beside his son's bedside in an instant. He was followed in by a young woman whom Jack didn't recognise.
" Joshua," she breathed, as she sank to her knees beside his bed.
Jack moved away from the scene before him. It seemed all to familiar.
Backing out of the room, he left quietly. None of the occupants noticing him leave.
" What will you do now?" Laira asked quietly from behind him.
" As soon as he's well I'll be leaving. I have to try and mend a relationship that took years to build," he stared at her angrily ", a relationship that you tore apart with your lies."
" I did not ask you to stay," she said quietly looking anywhere except his direction.
" You lied to me," he seethed ", you told me that little boy was mine, you knew I would stay. You knew I would stay for him."
He turned away from her before saying anything else he might regret later ", I'll be packing my stuff."
" Jack," she cried as he brushed roughly passed her.
" You lied Laira," he told her, his back still turned " I will never forgive you."
She let tears fall down her face as he walked away from her. She knew in her heart that he spoke the truth.
Sam was feeling awful. Her back hurt and her head ached. All she wanted to do was go home and sleep for a week. Maybe when she woke up the sickness would have gone and she would be able to enjoy being pregnant.
" Hey Sam," Janet smiled as she came into the infirmary, the smile fading as she took in Sam's pale face.
" You been sick again?"
Sam came over to sit on a bed which Janet helped her onto. She shook her head slowly ", I'm so tired."
" Well you haven't had a lot of sleep for the past few weeks, maybe your body is ready to catch up."
" Yeah maybe," she sighed ", my back aches too, is that supposed to happen this early?"
" Well, you've been sick practically every day for the past nine weeks," she reached a hand out to lay against Sam's forehead ", you're a little warm."
" Yeah, I am hot."
" OK Sam," she smiled ", I want you to go to your quarters and get some rest."
When Sam didn't argue Janet knew there was something wrong. " When you've had a chance to rest, I want to have a good look at you OK? Maybe we'll get that ultrasound scheduled huh?"
Sam brightened slightly " Yeah, that'd be great Janet."
She smiled warmly at her friend as she stepped down from the bed and moved to leave the infirmary ", I don't want to see you back here for at least two hours Major."
She saw Sam's hand wave as she left. This was a first, she decided, Sam actually hadn't made any protests. She must be really tired.
Jack crammed his cloths into one of the large holdalls he'd brought with him. With every piece of clothing he rammed inside, he pushed just a little harder than the previous time. His head was swimming with anger and grief. How could he have been so stupid to leave Sam behind? She was so sad, her face haunting his every waking moment. He'd hurt her badly this time, and he wanted to see her again, to say how sorry he was, to beg for forgiveness. He hoped she still felt something for him other than contempt. For now that's all he could cling to.
" Jack," a voice spoke from the other side of the door.
"What?" he said louder than he actually meant to. Laira had to understand he was still angry.
" My son is going to take Joshua back to his home. He has people who can care for him there."
Jack came forward and opened the door in one swift movement ", I want to see him before he goes."
" I thought you might," she sighed, as he pushed passed her.
Jack came just in time to see his little Josh open his eyes. Laira's son looked up at him as he entered " Did my mother tell you?"
" Yeah," Jack said quietly ", she did."
" It is for the best," he spoke again, looking down at the small child he held to his chest ", he belongs with us, I can see that now." He looked over to his young wife who sat stroking her sons soft face." We should go Caryn."
Jack watched as both parents handled their son like a delicate piece of porcelain. Holding him close to them, afraid to look away from him, for fear of losing him again.
" Get better little guy," Jack smiled, leaning over to stroke Joshua's hair ", Take care of him OK."
" We will," Caryn smiled ", I will not give him up to anyone again."
" If you need anything," Jack told them as they began to leave ", your mother will know how to contact me."
Caryn turned to him as they left, surprising him with a brief kiss to his cheek. " Thank you," she smiled.
He watched them go, taking with them, a child who was very special to him, who would always hold a tiny piece of him in his heart.
The doctor tapped him on the shoulder, startling him slightly. Turning he smiled "Thanks for everything doc."
" I must admit I really thought we would lose him," the doctor sighed heavily.
" Don't take it too hard doc, he did look kinda bad," Jack patted him on the back ", what was wrong with him anyway?"
" Ah, some kind of skin lacerations. Apparently common in his mother."
"So the poor kids inherited it from her?" Jack shook his head ", poor little guy."
" Well my boy, I must be going," he said as he pulled on his coat.
" Thanks again doc."
" My pleasure, please tell Laira I would be honoured to join her for a meal."
Laira came from the shadows ", I will be pleased to welcome you into my home again doctor."
He nodded tiredly as he walked away. With a wave of his hand he was gone.
Laira turned to Jack, opening her mouth to speak, but no words coming out.
" I'll pack the rest of my stuff and leave first thing tomorrow," he said coldly walking away from her.
" At least let me explain to you my reasons?" she pleaded.
Turning abruptly he spoke again, his voice angry " I asked you for explanations Laira, and you still lied to me. I'm going home, back to where I belong."
He turned from her again, leaving her staring after him. She watched him go until he was out of sight. He was lost to her for good this time, and it was her own doing. With a heavy heart, she slowly followed him into the house.
Janet Frasier looked up from the folder she was reading to see General Hammond approaching her.
" Doctor Frasier, how is major Carter holding up?"
" Well sir, she's very tired and emotional at the moment, which isn't uncommon for someone in her condition."
" I see," he said thoughtfully.
" Sir, is there something wrong?"
" I'm not sure yet, but," he sighed heavily.
" Sir if this has anything to do with Major Carter I need to know about it," Janet spoke firmly.
" Yes, in a way it has. I need to speak to you privately."
" My office sir?" she asked, holding her hand out gesturing for him to go through.
He stepped forward, she followed closely behind.
She closed the door behind her, waiting for him to speak.
" I recieved a message from Colonel O'Neill in the early hours this morning."
" Oh? How?" she asked confused ", I didn't hear the gate alarms."
" He used the device Thor gave him, don't ask me how, I don't know myself," he said stopping further questions.
" So what did he want?"
" He wants to come home. He said he'll be leaving first thing in the morning, that's Edora time. If I've done my calculations correctly then that means he'll be here in a little over four hours," he looked over at her worried face ", that's why I needed to speak to you about Major Carter."
" What's Sam got to do with this?"
" Off the record doctor," he spoke. She merely nodded, her heart thudding loudly in her chest.
"I believe Jack is responsible for Sam's condition," he shook his head as she opened her mouth to speak ", no she hasn't said either way, but I know they are extremely close to each other."
Janet sighed heavily ", Sir, whoever the father of her baby is, it's between her and him. She's in no condition to answer questions or.."
"Janet," he spoke her name, stopping her from speaking ", I'm just a little concerned how she is going to cope with his return."
" Honestly sir?" she asked. Seeing his curt nod she took a deep breath.
" She's not emotionally ready to see him. He's hurt her, more than he has ever hurt her before. I don't think she'll cope well at all."
" I see," he nodded ", I'm going to recommend that he stay away from the SGC for a maximum of four weeks. Will that be enough time for her to come to terms with his return?"
" I hope so sir," she sighed.
" Right," he nodded as he turned to the door ", I will help in any way I can."
" Thank you," she smiled sadly.
As he closed the door behind him, she couldn't help but worry how Sam would take this. The first thoughts were that she would take it badly, but then, maybe his returning would be the best, for everyone. Sighing heavily she opened her door, she had to find Sam and tell her before he came back.
If Sam had listened to her advice earlier, she would still be asleep in her quarters, Janet thought. She headed in that direction, trying to decide how she was going to break the news to her. Before she had time to think she came across a commotion in one of the hallways.
" Doctor Frasier," a young female officer yelled " she just fell to the ground."
" Oh god," she gasped, running towards the slumped figure on the floor ",Sam."
The infirmary was in chaos. Sam was brought in on a stretcher, unconscious and very pale.
Janet's hands shook as she hooked her friend up to monitors and the heart machine. Fear gripped at her heart, fearing the worst for Sam.
"Doctor," a nurse spoke from Sam's other side ", her pulse is very weak."
" I can see," she shuddered, feeling Sam's abdomen. Then, her worst fears were realised, Sam's pregnancy was eptopic.
Janet's body was on autopilot. She barked orders at her nurses, everything seeming to be in slow motion.
Teal'c ran through the infirmary doors in time to see Sam being wheeled into theatre. " Doctor Frasier?"
" Not now Teal'c," she yelled as she hurried into theatre, the doors closing behind her. Then there was silence.
The usually strong man that Teal'c was, gave way to the man worried about his friend. Slumping down on one of the chairs outside the infirmary, he waited for news of Samantha Carter.
Jack couldn't sleep. His anger and grief kept his mind on full alert, not letting him succumb to the tiredness he was feeling. He didn't know what he was going to say to Sam, or how he was going to ask her to forgive him. How could he ask that of her when he wouldn't have forgiven her if she had left him for another man.
What a total mess he'd made of everything. Hearing a noise behind him, he sprang to his feet, turning to see who was behind him.
" Jack?"
He looked at Laira coldly ", What are you doing here? Go back inside."
" Please just listen to me," she asked sadly, her voice breaking.
" Why?" he growled ", you lied to me. You tore me away from a woman I love more than I ever thought was possible. I gave her up because you told me I had a son. You lied to me and I left her."
" I just want to explain my actions," she pleaded with him.
Jack stood glaring at her, the anger still fresh in his heart ", I asked you to explain to me Laira. I asked you many times, and you lied to me then and you will lie to me now." Angrily he bent down to pick up his jacket from the floor.
" Jack," she started to cry softly, pleading with him.
Once, Jack O'Neill would have been softened by this woman's tears, but no more. Turning away from her he started to walk back to the house. He didn't care who he woke up at the SGC, he was going home right now.
General Hammond rushed to the infirmary to see Teal'c sat waiting on one of the seats outside.
" What happened?"
" I do not know General Hammond," he spoke softly. Hammond regarded Teal'c carefully. He was usually a man who showed little emotion, but he could see the worry in his eye's now. Coming to take a seat beside him he spoke again.
" How long has she been in there?"
" A little over two hours General Hammond," he said, his eyes not leaving the doors.
Suddenly he stood " Someone is coming."
The doors came open slowly to reveal a very tired Janet Frasier. Her eyes were red and swollen through crying.
Teal'c stepped forward to place a hand on her shoulder, in a gesture of comfort. She turned tear filled eyes up to his face, then stepped forward into his embrace and cried.
General Hammond couldn't move, he just stared in shock at the two people before him.
"Sam? Is she?" he couldn't bare to say the words.
Janet pulled herself from Teal'cs arms and stiffed back tears, trying to regain her composure ", Sam's going to be fine."
" The baby?" he asked.
Janet's eyes flooded with tears again, shaking her head not trusting herself to speak.
Janet turned her head up to Teal'c ", she's going to be devastated."
" I wish to see her doctor Frasier, I will sit beside her until she wakes."
" She'll be under for another few hours yet Teal'c, but she'll need us when she wakes up."
" I will stay by her side," he nodded, walking slowly passed her.
" Will she be Ok?" Hammond asked her sadly.
She sniffed back tears ", I don't know how I'm going to tell her. She was just beginning to get used to being pregnant, she was so happy."
Hammond was just about to speak when the alarms for the stargate went off. She turned to him urgently ", If that's him, don't let him near her. She doesn't need him to cope with too."
" I will do what I can," he spoke as he turned away from her and headed towards the gate room.
Rubbing her hands over her face, she walked back into the infirmary to stay beside her friends. Sam would need them when she awoke.
General Hammond arrived at the gateroom just in time to see the whoosh of the stargate. He had no idea what he was going to say to the colonel when he stepped through the event horizon. What was he supposed to say? ' oh nice to see you again Jack, by the way go straight home and don't come back for a month'
Before he had time to prepare his speech, the colonel stepped through onto the metal ramp. He looked irritated instead of happy to be back.
Making his way down to the stargate, General Hammond met him half way.
" Good to see you again General," he said gruffly.
" Jack?"
" I'll explain later General. Right now I want to get cleaned up and see Teal'c and Carter," he was about to walk passed Hammond, when he put out a hand to stop him.
" Son, I think you'd better come into my office for a moment."
Jack saw the sadness in his eyes and suddenly became very worried ", What? Is it my team? Are they OK?"
Hammond heard the word 'team' and sighed heavily, SG1 had died the day Daniel had.They had gone into auto distruct what Jack left for Edora. " My office Jack, and I'll do my best to explain."
Not saying another word, Jack nodded and followed General Hammond into his office.
" Ok General, now you're starting to worry me," Jack said as he sat down.
" There's no easy way to tell you this son, but SG1 was officially disbanded two days ago. There is no team any more."
" No SG1?" Jack got to hit feet angrily ", I'm gone, what, two months and you break up my team?"
" SG1 was already broken Jack," Hammond raised his voice, angry words tumbling out of his mouth " You split what was left of your team the day you left for Edora, which by the way is where you requested retirement to."
Jack sat back down heavily onto a nearby chair. Hammond watched him as he bent over putting his head in his hands ", God I am such a mess."
" Listen Jack," Hammonds anger slipped away as he came to Jack's side ", you can't undo the past, what's done is done. What you have to ask yourself is what you are going to do now, and how you are going to live your life."
" I don't know what I want General, well I do, but I can't have that," he closed his eyes again.
" Jack, by leaving the SGC you created a dark place where major Carter is right now, where even I can't reach her." Hammond knew he was pushing for answers, but there was no easy way to tell Jack of Sam's condition.
" Where is she?" he asked, his eyes still closed ", I hurt her so bad, I doubt she'll ever listen to me again."
" All you can do is try son, but you have to give her some time."
Opening his eyes Jack looked right into the generals ", I have to see her, I have to explain."
" Not tonight son, you can't tonight."
" What's happened? Where is she?" Jack stood to his feet again, becoming angry again ", tell me."
At this point Hammond knew he had to tell him. If he knew Jack O'Neill like he thought he did, he'd go looking for her and not stop until he found her.
" She's in the infirmary son," he sighed, knowing he had broken his promise to doctor Frasier.
Jack took a second to register the words he had spoken and then was out the door so quickly, Hammond never stood a hells chance of stopping him. He picked up his phone to warn the infirmary of O'Neill's imminent arrival.
Teal'c sat beside Sam as she slept. He had a deep sadness within his heart, knowing that she herself would be inconsolable when she awoke.
Tentatively, he reached out a hand to her arm and squeezed it softly.
" Teal'c," Janet came over to him breathlessly ", I just had a call from General Hammond, the colonels on his way down."
As the words left her, O'Neill arrived, slightly out of breath " Doc, where is she?"
As he looked around the room, his eyes caught sight of her blonde hair. ", Oh god."
Teal'c stood to let him near to Sam, although remaining beside her at the same time.
Both Janet and Teal'c watched as Jack sat down slowly beside the young woman he obviously loved.
All the anger she had felt for this man melted away as she saw him gently stroke a strand of hair away from Sam's eye lids.
" What happened?" he asked, not taking his eyes off of the woman lying beside him.
"She looks so thin, when did she start to lose so much weight?"
Blinking back tears Janet spoke softly ", the same day you left her, the day you broke her heart."
" I believe Doctor Frasier is correct O'Neill," Teal'c spoke up ", Major Carter was lost, but.."
" But we found her," Janet smiled over at Teal'c.
" Yes."
" Why's she here? Did she have an accident? She looks so pale," Jack continued examining Sam's every detail.
" Like you cared Colonel," Janet's voice broke at last.
" Of course I care," he looked up at her then.
" My office now sir," she kept her voice on a level, trying not to lose control. How could she feel like this? One minute she was filled with remorse for ever feeling ill of him, the next she was filled with rage.
" I won't leave her," he said stubbornly.
It was Teal'c who finally spoke the words to make him move " You already did O'Neill."
Reluctantly he left her side to follow the doctor into her office. She waited for him to catch up then closed the door loudly when he was in.
" Sit down colonel," she ordered.
He did as he was told. Worried about what she was going to tell him. Was Sam really sick?
When she came to sit in front of her desk, she regarded him with a mixture of pity and anger. " You did that to her."
" I" he began ", I was stupid to leave her."
" Yeah damn right you were," she said angrily. Seeing his eyes full of hurt and sorrow, she softened ", she is going to need us when she wakes Colonel. Seeing you isn't going to be easy for her."
" When Teal'c told me she was sick, I wanted to see her, but then I had my son, who I thought was-" he stopped took a deep breath ", She lied to me."
" Sam?" Janet asked confused.
" No Laira," bending forward to cover his eyes with his hands, he spoke again ", she told me Josh was my son, and for a long time I believed her."
" What happened?"
He was silent for a time, but spoke again, his voice catching in his throat ", He got sick and I panicked. All I could think of was Charlie and how I'd let him down. I didn't want to do it again, so we called a doctor."
" Then what happened?"she asked softly.
" Turns out the kid wasn't mine after all, he was Laira's son's kid," he said angrily, but more directed at himself that anyone else ", I didn't wait for explanations, I just packed my stuff and left. She lied to me and all I could think of was coming home to Sam and making things right."
" Sir," she sighed heavily, ", there's something you have to know and it won't be easy to hear it."
" What? Tell me?"
" Sam wasn't sick when Teal'c came to see you."
" What? So what was she?" He was becoming confused.
"Sam was," she stopped, knowing he had a right to know, but at the same time he didn't deserve to know ", she was pregnant."
Jack opened his mouth to speak, then slumped back into the chair ", Pregnant?"
" Yeah," she sighed ",With your baby."
"Oh god," he breathed ", If I'd known-"
" If you'd have stayed you would have," Janet told him again.
" Wait a second, you said was?"
" Yeah," Janet felt her eyes fill with tears again ", she was so happy, but so sick. She couldn't keep even a tiny morsel of food down. She even had this weird shake," she smiled, as a tear rolled down her face ", it made both Teal'c and me sick just at the smell of it!"
Wiping the tears away, she sniffed them back ", A few hours ago, she collapsed in one of the hallways."
Jack stared at her transfixed. Not being able to move or say anything.
" I had to operate," tears were falling again as she spoke ", the baby was growing outside her womb. If I didn't remove it we would have lost her." She stopped, quietly sobbing into her hands.
" I should have been here, she needed me and I left her behind," he shook his head, emotion clear in his eyes ", I need to see her." He stood up abruptly, knocking his chair back.
" Colonel," she stood too, her voice raised. When he turned to see her, she was crying again ", She doesn't know."
Jack nodded sadly, then walked slowly out into the infirmary again to take his place by Sam's side. He would make things up to her. He would make this right.
Teal'c retreated slowly, as he saw O'Neill's anguish. The usually strong man was brought to tears by this woman, a feeling that Teal'c recognised all too well.
" I will be with Doctor Frasier if you should need assistance O'Neill," he said, not really expecting an answer.
Jack just nodded briefly, his eyes not leaving Sam's sleeping face. Reaching out he touched her hand, bringing it up to his lips to plant a kiss in her palm ", Forgive me Sam."
He stayed that way for the next hour, until she began to stir awake.
The first thing Sam became aware of was the silence surrounding her. Slowly, opening her eyes trying to focus on her surroundings, she looked up to over to see who was beside her holding her hand.
She gasped aloud as she saw the blurry image of Colonel O'Neill smiling down at her, tears rolling down his face.
" Sam," he breathed ", god Sam."
" What are you doing here," she asked groggily trying to pull her hand from his grasp.
"Janet? Where's Janet?"
" You want me to get her for you?"
Totally ignoring his hand surrounding hers she didn't look at him ", What am I doing here? Where's Janet?"
" I'm here," her voice came at last, as she rushed to her side ", it's OK honey, I'm here."
" Janet," she turned her eyes to her friend, who she could tell had been crying. Pulling her hand from Jack's grasp, she tried to sit up and sank back down into the bed as the wave of pain swept over her body. Slowly as the pain subsided, she felt with a tentative hand down to her stomach.
"Janet?" she turned her head to her friend again, tears pooling in her eyes ", my baby?"
Jack leaned over to touch her hand again ", Sam-"
" Janet?" she asked again, ignoring the man beside her. By now the tears had started to cascade down her cheeks.
Janet was battling with her own emotions, trying to stop herself from crying, but, the tears came anyway, as she shook her head.
" I'm so sorry Sam," she said through tears.
" No," Sam shook her head, sobbing ", not my baby, no, no, no."
" Sam, it's gonna be OK," Jack tried to calm her.
She turned to him, her face contorted with grief ", What the hell would you know Jack," she gritted her teeth ", you wasn't here, so go."
When he didn't move she pushed his hands away, " Leave..me..alone."
" No, I won't leave you," he started to say, but then felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up he saw Teal'c standing behind him.
" Leave Major Carter O'Neill."
He looked back to Sam who was still sobbing, but quieter now, holding desperately onto Janet's hand.
Jack stood shakily to his feet ", I'll be back Sam."
She didn't answer him, keeping her face averted from him.
He reached out to touch her shoulder but she just moved further away from him. He sighed heavily and turned to leave, looking back sadly seeing her cry fresh tears.
Walking out of the infirmary with Teal'c, he slumped into one of the chairs to put his head in his hands. That's how he stayed for a long long time.
Sam had cried herself to sleep, while Janet watched over her, whispering comforting words to her.
Sam's anger had seemed to die away to give way to grief. She was totally exhausted.
Teal'c came into the infirmary, silently placing a hand on Janet's shoulder.
She jumped slightly, then turned into his touch.
" She's exhausted herself," she sighed.
" Doctor Frasier, you need rest, I will watch over her until you return," he spoke softly.
" Thanks Teal'c, but I don't want to leave her," she wiped the beginnings of a tear away again ", she was counting on me to be there for her, I can't.."
" She is strong," he spoke again.
" I don't know if she's strong enough for this Teal'c," she shook her head again ", she cried herself to sleep." She turned her attention to the slumped figure of the colonel ", How is he?"
" Colonel O'Neill blames himself, he regrets his time away."
She turned her attention back to her friend " They need to be together for this Teal'c, she needs him as much as he needs her. I don't know if she can see passed the anger to do that just yet."
" I will ask O'Neill to sit beside her," he nodded.
" You think that's wise after the last time?"
" You said it yourself they need to be together," he walked to the door.
The next time Sam opened her eye's, she once again felt a hand surrounding hers. Turning her head slightly she saw Jack's sleeping face. Examining his features with her eye's, the old feelings she had tried to bury deep inside her heart resurfaced. She wanted him to make it right, she wanted him to tell her he loved her, that she was not a mistake, that their child...Tears formed in her eyes again as she placed a hand down to her stomach where their baby had rested. She missed it's presence already, she wanted it back inside her so badly.
" Hey," he said softly. His eye's still tired.
She tried not to let him see her crying again, but the tears came anyway, forming into shuddering sobs.
He moved to the side of her bed and leaned over her, holding her as she cried. He felt his eyes sting with tears too at the loss of a child he never knew, at the loss of this woman.
They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, until she slowly pulled away from him. Feeling her move away, he sat up slowly to look at her face. His eyes sweeping over her features, reawakening the love he had always felt for her.
", I'm sorry I left you," he whispered sadly ", I should never have left you."
Sam avoided his gaze, closing her eye's ", But you did."
" I know," he sighed ", it was a mistake, I should have stayed here, with you."
Opening her eye's, the flair of anger returned ", You told me I was a mistake."
"No, no I never regretted a single thing of that night Sam, you have to believe me."
" You left me," she whispered ", I loved you and you left me."
" I was so stupid Sam," he said again, his voice full of remorse ", you have to know I loved you too, I still love you."
" Love?" she turned on him ", you call it love when you walk away into someone else's bed? How could you claim to love me when you went to her?"
Closing his eyes again, he sighed heavily " I didn't sleep with her Sam, there's been no one else since you."
" Yeah," she laughed bitterly " like I believe you."
" It's the truth."
" Where is she anyway?" she said angrily ", she standing out there gloating that she could give you a son when I couldn't even stay pregnant?" Her eyes were fierce with anger as they bore into him.
He knew that the anger was brought on by grief, and he promised himself he would be as patient as she needed him to be.
" No," he told her shakily ", I left her."
" You're getting good at that Jack," she told him.
" She lied to me Sam, she lied about the boy being mine," he could see she was taking all this information in ", I left as soon as I learnt the truth."
" So that makes it all right then doesn't it?" she asked bitterly ", forget the two months of hell I've been through, forget how I haven't had a day without throwing up my breakfast and anything else I've eaten come to that, forget the hell you put me through when you left me," she started to cry again " forget I wanted this baby so much because it was yours..."
" Sam," he held tighter to her hands ", I love you, I have always loved you and believe me, if I'd have known you were pregnant I'd have come straight back to be with you."
" Funny," she sniffed ", I bet you gave her the same speech, and I bet she brought it."
" No, Sam please..."
" I want it back inside me Jack," she was crying again ", I want my baby back."
" If I could give it back to you Sam I would move heaven and earth to do it," he held onto her hands ", we have to let the baby go."
Shaking her head through tears she was sobbing as she spoke ", I want to be sick all day again, I want to feel it growing inside me, I want it back."
Jack leaned forward and held her again as she sobbed. This time her arms came up to hold him tighter to her.
" We have to let it go," he whispered into her ear as they both cried.
They stayed that way for a long time. Eventually pulling apart when Janet came to check on them.
Jack stayed beside her as Janet sat down on the bed.
" How you feeling Sam?" she asked, reaching a hand out to stroke her arm.
Sam turned her tear stained face up to Janet's, she held onto Jack's hand as she spoke " Was it anything I did? Or something I didn't do?"
" Honey, no...no," Janet reassured her ", an eptopic pregnancy is rare, and there's no way we can predict it happening."
" But what if I can't...what if it happens again?"
" Sam, I can't say it will never happen again, but the chances of it ever happening again are rarer than the Tok'ra ever telling us the 100% truth." She squeezed her hand " If and when you fall pregnant again, we'll do an ultrasound as soon as we know and monitor you carefully. I won't let anything happen if I can stop it Sam, I promise you."
Sam just nodded, not wanting to talk any more. " General Hammond stopped by earlier to see you, he wanted to see how you were doing, I told him to come back later."
When Sam didn't answer, Jack looked up at the doctor "Thanks Janet."
As she turned to walk away, Sam leapt out a hand to stop her, tears again in her eye's. Janet turned to face her.
"Thank you," she smiled through tears ", I don't know what I'd have done if I didn't have you."
Janet looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled a teary smile ", you are my best friend and I'll always be here for you."
Sam nodded as she turned away from them both, wiping her eyes as she left.
" Are we going to be OK Sam?" he asked softly.
" Are you going to stay or are you going away again?" she asked him seriously.
" I won't ever leave you again Sam, please believe me. If I have to beg on bended knees for you to believe me then I'll do it," he held onto her hands ", I'm already officially retired, I'm willing to stay retired if you can forgive me."
She regarded him seriously ", I want to believe you Jack, I really do."
" I promise you Sam," he told her again ", let me love you freely like I want to. No regulations to stop us this time, no rules that say what we feel is wrong. I promise you I'll make things right."
Closing her eyes to the sorrow in her heart for her lost child, she opened them again to look into his eyes, seeing him bare his soul to her. She saw his equal sorrow for their baby, as well as love for her.
" Promise me you won't let me down again Jack," she said softly ", If you leave me again.."
" I promise you," he broke off her sentence.
Raising her hand to his face, caressing his cheek, she felt the sting of tears again ", I missed you so much, I don't think I could go through that again."
He closed his eyes to the feel of her touch, moving his head to kiss her palm ", I missed you every second of every day."
With no more need for words they drew closer into a soft kiss. A kiss that sealed a promise from their hearts. Their love for each other is what bound them together from the beginning, and it bound them together now, stronger than before.
From the doorway, General Hammond witnessed the scene and smiled, SG1 may be officially disbanded, but the heart of the team had remained intact. Turning away from the young couple in the infirmary, he went back to his office, his determination to give Samantha Carter the recognition she deserved.
As soon as he arrived at his office he closed the door.
Reaching his desk, he picked up the phone ", Get me the president," he spoke into the receiver ", yes it's about the SG1, no, they are stronger than ever. Yes that's right, oh and I need to call in a favour...."
Epilogue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six months later
"Sam, come on you're gonna miss seeing Teal'c pot the balls," Jack called from his living room.
When he didn't hear a reply, he looked over at Janet and Cassie ", Make sure he doesn't do anything until I come back OK?"
Cassie grinned ", OK Jack, but remember you lose the bet if he gets it."
" How could I ever forget," he grinned, as he went in search of Sam.
When he finally found her she had her back to him, staring out of the bedroom window ", There you are," he smiled.
When she turned she had tears brimming in her eyes. " Honey what's wrong?" he asked as he went to her.
Not answering, she held out the object in her hand, tears falling down her face. His eyes moved down to her hand then back up to her face again ", Does this mean?" he said, a grin forming on her face.
She nodded, crying as she leapt forward to his arms.
He held her tighter to him, crying with a mixture of joy and relief ", Hey guys," he yelled.
A few minutes later, all three came into see what was going on. They saw both Sam and Jack holding each other tightly. Jack looked over to them, a huge smile on his face ", we're pregnant."
" Oh wow," Cassie gasped and leapt to their side, hugging them both, followed by Janet who joined the group hug, and finally Teal'c, who chose to lay a hand on Sam's shoulder. It had been a tough six months for all of them and now finally, the good times were back again, this time, it would all be all right. This time, they were family, they were SG1......
END....thanks for reading :)
Story Notes: SPOILERS: Set after MeridianSTATUS:Work in progressA
UTHORS NOTES: I was in the mood for some angst so here's the result! Enjoy!
FEEDBACK: I'd love to know what you thought of this story. No flames please. Feedback to me at southerngirl_uk@yahoo.co.uk
Copyright: Amanda Hawthorn May 2002
UTHORS NOTES: I was in the mood for some angst so here's the result! Enjoy!
FEEDBACK: I'd love to know what you thought of this story. No flames please. Feedback to me at southerngirl_uk@yahoo.co.uk
Copyright: Amanda Hawthorn May 2002
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]