The gun fired.
He knew something was wrong the moment he saw her; the way she was moving, a slight hesitation as she mounted the horse. He glanced at his other team members, but neither of them seemed to have noticed.
The gun fired.
"All right, there's only five more rounds in that clip. Time to go," Jack O'Neill shouted as he urged his horse into a gallop.
She asked for her uniform the second they stopped.
"You OK?" he asked quietly, holding the budle of clothes out to her.
A flash of fear in her eyes.
"I will be.....as soon as I get rid of this yak impregnated sack," she joked.
"Nothing personal, Captain, but I preferred the blue. It went with your eyes."
The smile she returned didn't reach her eyes. He let her take the uniform and watched as she disappeared into the trees.
"Jack?"
O'Neill jumped at the sound of Daniel's voice.
"Mirgual doesn't think we're going to get back to the village tonight," Jackson continued.
Jack nodded, "OK kids, time to get woodsy," he glanced into the circle of trees, "I'll just go....and check our perimeter."
He glared at his companions, daring them to challenge his actions. Daniel and Teal'c immediately found something more interesting to look at, Mirgual just smiled.
So he wanted to check on Sam? Was there anything wrong with that? Of course not. She was a member of his team. She'd just been through a traumatic experience. She......
"Sweet Jesus!" the exclamation left his mouth without conscious thought.
She looked over her shoulder in panic before making a grab for her T-shirt and covering her exposed flesh. One look into his eyes told her that he'd seen all he needed to. He was at her side in an instant, pulling up the back of her shirt.
"What did that bastard do to you?" he breathed.
Carter winced as his fingers touched her, gently probing the livid weals that ran down her back. In places her skin had torn, leaving bloody trails, where the dried wounds had been re-opened.
"It was a punishment, sir," she replied, quietly. Her voice was almost emotionless.
"I oughta go back there and take a piece outta his hide," Jack muttered to himself.
"If anyone gets to do that it'll be me."
He felt her trembling with suppressed fury. She was obviously trying to keep her emotions in check, not letting him see the part of her that wanted to scream. Whatever....she couldn't continue like this. If they had been closer to the gate he would have sent her straight home. He shrugged the pack from his back.
"This'll be easier if you take off the shirt," he told her.
"Sir?" Her voice rose slightly in panic.
"I need to clean you up," he explained, gently.
"I'm all right, sir."
"Don't force me to make it an order."
Turning his back on her, he dug into his pack, searching for the first aid kit. When he turned his attention back to Sam, she was sitting with her back towards him, her shirt clutched in front of her. He took clean water and gauze and slowly started to wash the blood away. Carter shivered as soon as he touched her, biting back the exclamation of pain. Some of the cuts were deep. She would need to some stitches when they got her back to base.
"Hang tight, Captain, this is goin' to sting," he continued as he reached for the iodine.
Stupid thing to say. This would have hurt a damn sight more. What the hell had Turgin used?
"Why did he do it?" O'Neill heard himself ask.
"I was disobedient, sir."
Under any other circumstances he would have cracked a joke, but humour wasn't what Carter needed right now.
"He was going to punish the others, but I told him to take it out on me......so he did," she continued.
"Carter...did he...I mean...." Dammit, but Jack didn't want to ask this question. "Did he hurt you in any other way?"
Why couldn't he just say the word?
"Rape me? No," she supplied.
"Thank God."
O'Neill exhaled in relief. They had been in time to prevent....no, he didn't want to think about it. He respected her abilities as a soldier, but there were some things that no one could defend themselves from. The images that flashed through his mind were disturbing ones. Sam being held down, bound....her blue eyes wide with fright.....screams.
He'd seen rape victims in his time and he didn't want Sam's face to be among them. He forced himself to take a deep breath. It hadn't happened. She was here, she was safe and he was with her.
"Sir?" she questioned, glancing over her shoulder. "I'm starting to get cold."
"Sorry."
Carefully, he started to dress the wounds. He needed to concentrate on the job in hand, not let his mind wander. She's safe, he told himself again, as he taped the last dressing in place. Just to make sure, he let one hand linger on the warm skin at the base of her neck. He was surprised when she shifted slightly, leaning into his touch. The sensation only lasted a second, "All done," he told her.
She pulled the shirt over her head and turned to face him.
"Thank you, sir," she said quietly.
He wanted to tell her that everything would be all right, that it was OK to be scared, to cry....but the moment when he could have said the words passed.
"We'd better get back to the others," he told her.
She turned away and started to pull her jacket on.
"I hope someone has a toothbrush," she said. "I need to get a bad taste out of my mouth."
Carter started to lead the way back. O'Neill took one more look around the area, "You need this, Carter?" he asked, holding up her bra.
"Don't think I could get it on, sir."
Absently, he shoved the black lace into his pocket.
*********
"She broke the man's arm....in two places!"
If he was honest with himself, he never thought that she would have drawn first blood, never mind won the fight. Turgin's knife hadn't even touched her. Damn stupid thing for her to have done, but O'Neill found himself grinning as he recounted the story to SG2, who were sharing the locker room.
"Lucky you never arm wrestled with her, Colonel," Major Ferretti laughed.
"Damn right," O'Neill replied.
Any doubts he may have harboured regarding Carter's abilities had faded over the past forty-eight hours. It had been a very impressive performance, especially considering her other injuries. He didn't mention that part of the story. As far as he knew, Carter was still with Dr. Fraiser. He made a mental note to look in on her before he left.
"P'raps she'd show me some of her moves.....if you know what I mean. I'd even let her go on top." Ferretti added, setting off another round of laughter.
Jack didn't respond,
"Come on sir, you can't tell us you haven't thought about it."
"She's my 2IC for cryin' out load!" he exclaimed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his fatigues. He didn't like the way this conversation was turning. Some of the guys were practically drooling. He smirked to himself, he'd seen more of Carter's naked flesh than they were ever likely to.....he just wished the conditions had been more favourable. Now where the hell had that thought come from?
"Something wrong Colonel?"
"Drop it, Ferretti."
O'Neill dragged his hands out of his pockets and turned back towards his locker. The action caused something to drop to the floor. Ferretti picked up the object, holding it up between his thumb and forefinger.
"I think the evidence speaks for itself," he grinned. "You gonna tell us who this belongs to?"
"Congratulations, Ferretti, you found my secret. I wear women's underwear."
"Black lace isn't really your style, sir. I see you as more of a white cotton kind of guy. But maybe......Some female member of your team ?"
"Female member of which team?" Carter's voice cut across the male laughter.
She was standing in the doorway. Jack caught her eye, wondering how much of the conversation she had overheard. Carter raised an eyebrow, she was not amused. Walking into the room she took the garment from Ferretti's hands. She examined the label, "Sorry to disappoint you, but this isn't my size. Why don't you ask Dr. Fraiser?" she said.
"Whatever you say, Captain," Ferretti gave her a friendly slap on the back.
Carter managed not to cry out, but O'Neill felt himself wince for her. Poor kid, she would never let anyone know how much she must be hurting.
"And if I'm not mistaken you guys should be outta here," she continued, looking at her watch.
There were the usual jibes and taunts as SG2 made their exit. O'Neill didn't leave with them. He paused by the door, "How you doin'?" It was a dumb question, but he had to start somewhere.
She just shrugged and opened her locker, pulling out her toothbrush, "Carter, that's the fifth time I've seen you do that. Have you got some kind of dental fetish?"
"I can still taste him," she admitted.
"Come here," he told her.
"Sir?"
He moved to sit on the bench, indicating that she should take the spot beside him. Almost reluctantly, she sat down. O'Neill reached out to her, placing his hand on the part of her back that he knew was uninjured. She jumped when he touched her. He moved his hand slightly, rubbing her lower back. Very slowly, she relaxed to his touch.
"Look at me, Sam," he said, quietly.
When she turned her head, all he could see was her eyes. Blue. So very, very blue. His breath caught in his throat. Being this close to her was.....
"Sir?"
There was confusion in her eyes, but nothing else. No fear. He touched her face, letting his hand lightly trace the contours. They should be talking, but for some reason he could no longer remember the words he had rehearsed. He leaned forwards, touching her lips with his own. The gentle response surprised him. He had expected her to pull away. After a few moments of tension he relaxed into the kiss, enjoying the sensation. Regulations were, for the moment, forgotten. Eventually he released her, wishing with all his heart that they could continue.
"Tell me, sir, is this the way you deal with all you team's personal problems?" she asked.
"Oh sure, you've no idea how well a hug and a kiss goes down with Teal'c."
She laughed. He held her for a few more precious seconds.
"I'd better let you get cleaned up," he said. "You gonna be OK to get home?"
"Janet's going to drive me."
Jack nodded. He got to his feet and headed towards the door.
"Sir," she called after him.
"Yes, Carter?"
"You know we can't do that again?"
"I know"
"And could I have my bra back, sir? It's one of my favourites."
"Mine too."
Jack took several deep breaths when he got out of the room. He had kissed her. What the hell was he thinking? He had only known her a few months and the first time she needed his help, he had let his hormones take over. At least she had been nice about it, she should have punched his lights out.
He had kissed her....he had kissed her and it had felt so damn good.....
"Colonel O'Neill!"
Raising his head, he turned, "Something I can do for you Dr. Fraiser?" he asked.
"Yes, could you drive Captain Carter home? I was going to do it, but SG4's just come in with casualties. "
"I guess so, but...."
"And be nice to her."
"I'm always nice....are you saying I'm not nice?"
"No...but, she's been through more than she's letting on. Just stay with her until I can get there."
He wanted to protest further, but Fraiser's last comment had struck him cold. What if Carter had lied to him?
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"However she paints it, Turgin's attack on her person was a form of sexual assault. She may have trouble dealing with that. I don't want her to be alone tonight. Look, I really have to go. Take her home, make sure she gets to bed and wait until I can take over."
"Whatever you say."
"Thanks, colonel. I'll see you later."
Jack fished his keys out of his pocket and headed back towards the locker room.
*********
She rammed her fist into the front of her locker.
Again.
And Again.
Damn Jack O'Neill! Damn him for trying to understand.
She spun round and kicked out at the bench. The wood splintered. How could he possibly understand? She felt so.....
Urgent hands dragged the clothes from her body. The material ripped. She left a trail of clothes as she headed towards the shower. Being under the cleansing waters helped a little. Finally being able to wash away the smell of the place, of Turgin.
She rested her head against the tiles, just letting the water cascade over her.
"Damn you Jack O'Neill," she whispered to herself.
It wasn't Turgin's lips she could feel now. Gentle warmth suffused the memory. This wasn't what she wanted to feel. Hell, she knew the regulations as well as he did. She should report him. That's what she should do. She shut the water off with an angry twist of her hand, grabbed a towel and headed back into the locker room.
Take deep breaths. Close yourself off. Don't let anyone see how scared you really were. How much it hurt. Focus on something else....O'Neill.....hating Jack O'Neill seemed like a good option. He already had his doubts about her, what the hell was he going to think now? At least he hadn't seen her cry. She could do that when she had home. One good cry and she'd feel a hell of alot better. She was certain that Janet wouldn't mind...or mention the fact to anyone else. And she wouldn't complain if they stopped for junk food and ice cream on the way home.
She pulled on her street clothes, looking at herself in the mirror.
"The most beautiful woman I have ever seen," she whispered to herself with a certain amount of irony.
She couldn't see it herself. Her blonde hair and blue eyes must have attracted his attention. She saw herself in the blue dress, remembered the look in the boy's eyes, in Turgin's.....In O'Neill's. Going back to her locker she found a cap and her jacket. She pulled them on, hiding her face from the world. It was time to find Janet, she wasn't certain that she could hold it together much longer.
O'Neill was waiting outside. Carter looked up at him, hastily rebuilding her military facade.
Damn! Damn! Damn!
"Nowhere to go, Colonel?" she joked.
"No....er....Dr.Fraiser couldn't make it and she asked me to get you home."
Shit!!
"Colonel, its a nice offer but I think I can manage....."
"Doctor's orders, I'm afraid. And since there's a good chance that I'll have to submit myself to her tender ministrations at some point, I think I'd better do as she says. God, knows what she might remove if she gets pissed at me."
He looked down at himself and Carter just had to laugh.
****
"Right, we have pizza with anchovies, pizza without, popcorn, chips and......"
"Pralines and cream," Carter supplied.
"Whatever."
They were sitting on her couch, TV on, food spread in front of them. It had been O'Neill's idea to stop on the way home....when she had admitted that all her fridge contained was a small piece of cheese and half an apple pie.
He snapped his fingers, "Got any beer?"
"In the fridge," she replied.
"Sweet. I'm gonna come here more often, all Daniel ever has is coffee. You want one?"
"Sure, whatever."
He disappeared into the kitchen. Carter shifted nervously. She had tentatively suggested that she didn't need baby-sitting, but he'd just told her that he was under orders. So here she was, still waiting for her opportunity to forget her military training.
"Says he missed it so much when he was living on Abidos that he can't get enough of the stuff now," Jack continued, handing her an open bottle.
"No wonder he's always so hyper."
Jack sat back on the couch, beer in one hand, pizza in the other, longs legs stretched out in front of him. Carter crouched forward. He wondered how much of it was due to her injuries and how much because she was just plain uncomfortable with him.
"Look, Carter, you don't have to play hostess. I have beer, I have pizza, there's a hockey game on, I'm in hog heaven. Why don't you get some sleep?" he told her.
She shook her head, "I'm OK."
"Sure you are."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing....let's just watch the game."
"When will you stop doubting me, sir? I can do this job just as well as you can.....I thought I'd proved that to you."
"I never said you couldn't. You don't have to prove anything to me, Sam. You're smart, loyal and I would rather have you watching my back than anyone else. But no one goes through what you did and feels 'OK'. Trust me on this."
"Right....and your experience would be?"
He moved closer to her, taking her forearms. His touch was light, not enough to scare her.
"It doesn't matter. I know why you had to fight that guy, but you're free now. You won that. You did, not me, not Teal'c......"
She turned her head away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I acted like a jerk, but......"
"Sir, please."
"Yeah, right, I'll shut up."
Taking her beer she got to her feet and stood by the window. He wondered if she was looking for Fraiser. The doctor should have been here by now, SG4 must have been in more trouble than he realised.
"I lost control," she whispered. "Out there, yesterday. I would have killed that man with my bare hands and I could have done it too. No reason, just cold, hard revenge. It's not a side of myself that I'm used to seeing."
"Carter...."
"No, sir! Don't make excuses for me."
She swilled down the last of her beer, "You know what the worst thing is? I could do it again. Here, now.....I feel like....dammit."
The bottle slipped from her fingers and smashed.
"Shit!" she swore and bent to pick up the pieces.
O'Neill watched as she knelt on the floor, shards of glass held between her fingers. He didn't know what to say to her, how to make the anger go away. It was something that he had never learnt to deal with. Sure, he could shut it away, crack a joke, smile, keep the world away. He didn't want her to start doing the same.
He approached her slowly, bearing in mind the broken glass. Dropping into a crouch, he took her hands and drew her to her feet.
"Colonel, I need to..." she protested.
"It can wait," he told her.
She pulled out of his grasp and went back to clearing up the glass. He sank back onto the couch, totally frustrated. Where the hell was Fraiser? He was out of his depth here. Carter wasn't even listening to him. O'Neill watched as she swept up the last of the glass and moved back into the kitchen. Sighing to himself, he turned his attention back to the hockey game. He wondered if he should try and get someone else to keep her company. Daniel, Janet.......even Teal'c would probably do a better job. If Janet was busy, Daniel was probably his best bet.
"Sam, could I use your 'phone?" he called out.
There was no reply. Jack stood up and headed towards the kitchen.
"Sam?"
She wasn't there, but the back door was open. Cautiously, Jack stepped through it. The night was clear and cool. Out of habit, he glanced up at the stars, taking comfort in the familiar constellations. Sam was standing with her back to him, her blonde hair softly reflecting the starlight.
"Sam?" he called again, warning her of his approach.
Her shoulders shook. He could tell that she was crying. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms about her.
"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to see me like this," she whispered into his shirt.
It was actually kind of nice, but O'Neill didn't think that she'd appreciate knowing that.
"Come on," he told her. "It's cold out here."
Keeping an arm across her shoulders, he lead her back into the house.
After the tears stopped they sat together for a long quiet time. Her head on his chest, his fingers lightly stroking her hair. Eventually, she had fallen asleep. The last thing he remembered was thinking that he should move her.
****
There was something heavy lying across him. Something heavy and warm. Jack opened his eyes and allowed himself a small smile. She was still sleeping, draped along his body, his arms resting on her waist. One of his legs was entwined with one of hers, keeping them both on the narrow couch. It had been a long time since he had woken up holding someone this close. Before Charlie had ....and Sara had.....Damn. He didn't want to think about that right now, places he didn't want to visit, not while he was this close to Sam. There were some things about his past that he wasn't willing to share with her yet. He wasn't certain that he ever could.
The light outside told him that it was still early. She would probably sleep for a while yet. This left him with an interesting dilemma. How angry would she be if he just left her where she was? She seemed to be comfortable, peaceful even. He wondered if it had been a long time for her too. Then there were those annoying regulations to consider. One little kiss and a night spent on a couch couldn't be classed as an infringement, could it? No, given the circumstances, they hadn't quite crossed the line.....yet.
Dropping a feather light kiss on the top of her head, he let his eyes close again. If she woke up and killed him, too bad. He could think of plenty of worse ways to go.
"Colonel?"
She was speaking to him.
"It's almost 1130,"
"Can't be, go back to sleep," he mumbled, instinctively holding her tighter.
"Sir, could you let me go, please. I really need to get to the bathroom."
"Oh...sorry."
She climbed off him and disappeared. O'Neill sat up, running his hands through his hair. He couldn't recall the last time he had slept this late. Bones creaked as he stretched, trying to work the stiffness out of his body. He was getting way too old to be sleeping with women anywhere other than in a bed.
Carter came back into the room. Their eyes met for a second, before Sam looked away. She was more than a little embarrassed.
"Guess it's a good thing we're on downtime," he began.
"Yeah. Look, colonel, about....you know." She gestured towards the couch.
"I won't kiss and tell if you don't. "
"Sir?"
"No gossiping about my manly attributes with the Doc in the ladies room."
That made Carter giggle, breaking some of the tension. Jack found himself smiling back at her.
"Look, you wanna go and get some breakfast or something?" he asked, fairly certain that she wouldn't want to share cold pizza.
"That would be good. I'll just go and change."
"Sure."
"Sir....?"
"Yes, captain?"
"Thanks."
"You're always welcome, Sam."
***************************************************************************
THE END
Story Notes: SEASON: First Season, Emancipation.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]