"Then we just twist here..and we're in!"
"Colonel, where did you learn to do things like that?"
"Mis-spent youth. In you go, Danny-boy."
"Jack, if we get caught..."
"Oh, we'll just blame it on an alien virus, like usual. Teal'c, switch the flashlight on."
Teal'c switched it on, and swung it round the faces of SG1.
"Where will we find the records?" he asked.
"Why will we find the records!" Daniel continued. "Jack, this is madness."
"Well, we're in the right place for it then!" Jack continued cheerfully. "You know," seeing Daniel's confused face, "psychiatrists office, madness....oh forget it. What have you got Teal'c?"
"I have found some files. I have Dr. Frasier's here. I did not know she..."
"I'll take that!" Sam said hurriedly grabbing the file. "There are some things," she explained to her friends, "that should only be discussed between women."
"I found Graham Simmons." announced Daniel, who despite his earlier worries seemed to be getting into the spirit of things. "He still has a crush on you. Dr. McKenzie is going to suggest he talk to you about it."
"Give me that." Jack said, grabbing the file out of Daniel's hand. Danny grinned at Sam. "Well, he'll grow out of it." Jack said. "Anyone found our files yet?"
"Here, Sir." said Sam, pulling several VERY thick files out of the cabinet.
"At last! Now I can prove it...that guy's got it in for me."
"You're paranoid." Daniel said.
"It's not paranoia if they're really after you."
"You spent too long in black ops."
"Hmm-mm!" Sam coughed, distracting the men from degenerating into one of their usual debates. "I'll just read the summaries, shall I?"
"Teal'c. For me to even attempt to analyze him would be foolish, as he does not even come from this planet. However, I have tried. To my every enquiry however, I rarely get any more of a response then a raised eyebrow. I asked him once if he enjoyed our sessions. He remarked that 'undomesticated equines could not drag him away from them'. I suspect he was being sarcastic."
"Way to go Teal'c!"
"Perhaps he has spent too long in the company of Jack O'Neill, who prides himself on immature and childish sarcasm."
"His relationship with the rest of SG1 is good, with Teal'c displaying, (as much as the man displays any emotion) a respect and trust, and even an affection for the rest of his team. He seems to see himself as their protector. I did ask him if he had any problems with one of his commanding officers being female - hey!"
"Get indignant later, Carter, keep reading."
"He replied no, no more than she had a problem with him having a snake writhing around in his gut. He is DEFINITELY spending too much time in the company of O'Neill."
"I meant no, I had no problem." said Teal'c.
"We get it. Who's next?" Jack asked.
"Daniel. Oh my God...this is several pages long!"
"Read the short version."
"This IS the short version!"
"Well, pick out the best bits." Daniel said, privately deciding to break in here later and read the whole thing. And Janet's file too. And Lt. Simmons.
"Okay, lets see...emotional immaturity, obsessive behaviour, sometimes secretive behaviour, dead, not dead, dead, not dead, needs someone sane nearby to keep him focussed...God knows where he'll find one of those HERE..."
"It's what Dr McKenzie wrote, Sir."
"Went mad, not mad, keeping him in SG1 would probably be the safest course of action, as they seem to be the only people in the universe prepared to put up with him on regular basis."
"I resent that!" said Daniel. "What does it say about Jack?"
"It's odd, Jack and I seem to be analyzed together." Sam said. "Let's see, it says he's unpredictable, insolent, distrustful, fiercely loyal to the few friends he has, sometimes suicidally courageous, the only person who seems able to control him is ...oh."
"Oh what? Don't leave it there Carter!"
"It's not important Sir." she said, trying to refile the folder.
"Like hell it isn't." He grabbed the file out of Sam's hand, and read on. "The only person who seems able to control him is Major Carter. I know of at least one situation (the Hathor problem) where, although Colonel O'Neill was under mind control, Captain Carter, while not actually negating the mind-control, did manage to confuse and affect O'Neill."
"Really?" Sam said.
"Well, in a way...lets discuss this later." but Daniel lifted the file from his hands, and continued to read.
"In fact, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have developed an extremely close relationship. One which I think contravenes regulations".
"He thinks we slept together!" Sam almost squealed. Daniel kept reading.
"I believe there is a certain romantic involvement, especially given the rumour I have heard that O'Neill kissed the alternate reality Carter. I believe the feelings to be all on his side, but only because, since her childhood, Major Carter has had a problem with recognising, admitting and expressing emotions. However, I cannot, under any circumstances, recommend they split up. I have evidence that the close relationship between the two of them saved lives, not just their own, and have created a unique bond, that given the circumstances we work in, I feel can only help, rather than hinder their unique working relationship."
"Way to go, McKenzie." Jack murmured. He glanced at Sam. She looked...shocked. He nodded at Danny and Teal'c, who left quietly. "Carter."
"Carter, what's wrong?"
"He's wrong, isn't he Sir?" She had her back to him, but her voice shook, just a little.
"About what? That we have a close bond? Don't you already know that? It's because of you I came back after that Hathor tried to kill me with that snake thing."
"Because of me?" she turned round to face him, but he could barely see her face in the dim light that filtered in from the corridor.
"Or were you asking about the 'romantic implications'?"
Sam kept silent. Jack couldn't even hear her breath.
"I should have thought that was obvious too."
"Not to me." she whispered.
"You didn't hear whisper 'my love'?"
"When I pushed Hathor over. Didn't you guess when you asked me if I had a couple of hours, and I said yes? Or when I kissed your double? Or when I deliberately tripped Bok's trap to rescue you? Not even one small, slight indication?"
"No. I guess McKenzie was right about that. I have a problem putting...certain things into words."
"Put them into action then."
Jack held his breath for a moment, scared Sam would just walk out. Then she took a step forward, and took one of his hands, and raised it to her lips, and kissed it. It only took a second for Jack to reach down, and kiss her lips.
You can guess the rest.
The next morning, Dr. McKenzie was very surprised to see Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill greeting him cheerfully, grinning away. O'Neill even said, "You do good work Mac.", although privately, Dr. McKenzie winced at being called 'Mac'. Then, when he got to the office, he found all the papers on his desk mysteriously ...crumpled.
"THis place just gets stranger." he thought to himself, as he settled down for another day's work.