Year After by Ninja

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Story Notes: I had to translate the song to English, because the song itself is 'sung' by a Czech singer. So sorry for the lame translation. The story is told from Jack's POV.

Huge hugs and smooches go to my beta reader Su Freund. Without your comments and suggestions the story wouldn't be so good. Thank you.

Tissue warning!

Email: ninja_girl@seznam.cz

Year After

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack's house, 0:00

I'm standing in my kitchen, looking out of the window into the still night. It's snowing outside. Suddenly, the radio station starts playing a song that reminds me of what happened a year ago. My heart aches whenever I think about it. It wasn't meant to end like this. I close my eyes and lean against the counter as the song goes on:

"You came to me, we're 'solving' us,
you were often alone, I haven't had time
but it will change, it will be beautiful again
I don't want my hands empty again after all we've been through
I'll run the marathon under 2 hours,
I'll give up my own family
I'll destroy all shadows if you're afraid of them
I just need to hear you really want that

So get off the car and shut the door behind you
Come in quickly into the warm room, I'll go after you
We'll have a tea and go through all
Just don't go anywhere, not before dark
You know, last winter one woman died, it's precisely 1 year,
Since she drove into the tree
It wasn't a gale, only soft breeze flew
It was fatigue's fault, damn momentary drowsiness"

As I hear these lyrics, my eyes fill up with tears. Looking out of the window again I see that fateful tree. A year ago. I can still picture the car, the red lights of the ambulance, hear the crash that spread through the quiet night. Precisely a year ago.

"It's 3 o'clock in the morning, I still have the lights on
I pace around the room and still smell your scent
like you were here, like you were sitting here,
like you listened to me and really didn't go anywhere
You said you must, your family was waiting,
It's only one hour
I'm touching the places that touched you
I'm already in heaven

My head's full of memories of weekends with your family
Wall and glass cabinet with lots of our photos
There won't be more anymore, of that I'm sure

You went that day that meant to be festive
You bought a ticket that wasn't a return ticket
You went away tired
It was a great shock
It wasn't an hour ago
Today it's precisely one year"

By the end of the song my cheeks are stained with tears. Why did she have to die? Why her? Why when we found some happiness finally? Someone might say that it's ironic. We're saving the Earth on a daily basis from Goa'uld and one would think she would be killed by one of the snakeheads someday. But no...she had to die because of tiredness. I still remember her last words as she went through the door to her car, preparing to leave for SGC, ///"I love you, Jack."/// like it had been yesterday. But no, it was a year ago. A year ago I lost my Sam. My one and only love.

A cry shakes me out of my reverie. It reminds me why I am in the kitchen in the middle of the night. I take the bottle from the heater and go upstairs to the children's room. Bending over the cot I smile at my small, 1 and 1/4 year old daughter, Sammie. I hand her the bottle and she eats, while staring at me with her big blue eyes. She got them from her mother and she's as beautiful as Sam was. I smile at her again and softly trace her face with my finger. She's too small to understand that her mother is gone and I don't know how I will be able to tell her what happened .

One night of forbidden passion on a deserted planet and Sammie was there. I couldn't quite believe it. Hey, I wasn't the only one. I still have to smile every time I remember the General's and Daniel's faces as we told them.

Sam and I weren't married, but we'd planned on it. We would have been married this year if she'd lived. The pain is here again. I don't know how much I can take of this. My friends try to help me as much as they can and I really appreciate it.

Sam was my sun, my everything.

I dispose the bottle and put my daughter back to sleep. Going to the bedroom I stare at the moon outside and pray for Sam and little Sammie.

"I love you, Sam. I always will."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

THE END

End Notes: *sniff* I really am crying during my *own* fic.

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