Because I didn't say 'I love you'
You want know what pisses me off?
I can't touch him anymore.
Before that whole Zay'tarc thing happened, I was... depressed, unhappy, in doubt... all that may be true, but I could touch him.
Nothing serious, just a hand on his arm when he started to fiddle with some of my projects in the lab or a hand on his shoulder to say thanks. I can't do that now. Out of fear, the fear of inappropriate behavior, the fear of rejection, the fear of reaction.
Not that he is any better.
He can't touch me either, he doesn't even come close to me.
No chin appearing over my shoulder, followed by a grin when he asks me what the hell I'm doing. No hands that ruffle my hair to wake me when I fall asleep on my keyboard.
No Colonel who takes care of me. Not the way he used to.
It seems like we lost what we had because we didn't take what we wanted, am I making any sense? I admit it, I wanted Jack O'Neill. Like a woman wants a man. I surprised myself with the intensity of my feelings, but I was pleasantly surprised. It felt so good, so... alive to love. Now all I have is this longing for his touch.
And in this instant I hate Anise/Freya.
Because as I sit here still mourning over a love that wasn't even my own, a lover I never held in my arms before I killed him, I can't surrender into the embrace of my savior.
As much as it contradicts my believes in independence, I do need him, not because I am weak and he is not, but because blood is pumping through my veins screaming that I am alive while my heart tells me I'm dead. I need him to tell me my heart is pounding for another reason than supplying my muscles and cells with oxygen.
But I can't ask and he can't give.
And why is that? All of that is, as it is now, just because I couldn't admit it. Because I didn't say 'I love you.'
FINI
Story Notes: EMAIL: copy-cat@t-online.de
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: D&C
SEASON/SEQUEL: Set after Divide and Conquer
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
ARCHIVE: Wherever you want, just let me know so I can boost my ego a bit :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay people, this just came to my mind and it's Really short (Is this a drabble?) I just needed to get it out of my system. Well I hope you'll like it, drop me a note if you do, will ya?
CATEGORY: Sam and Jack
SPOILERS: D&C
SEASON/SEQUEL: Set after Divide and Conquer
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
ARCHIVE: Wherever you want, just let me know so I can boost my ego a bit :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay people, this just came to my mind and it's Really short (Is this a drabble?) I just needed to get it out of my system. Well I hope you'll like it, drop me a note if you do, will ya?
End Notes: Told you it was short.
Feedback anyone?
Feedback anyone?
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]