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Story Notes: SPOILERS: Lots, season 3 through end of season 6

ARCHIVE: SJD, Heliopolis, yes please

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Next in the "Moments" series. Thanks so much to Allie for her usual thorough beta.


The room was dark, lit by a solitary light in the hall. He sat on the couch, doing nothing, wondering whether all the pain, suffering, loss, and loneliness was worth it. His team had saved the world, again, but he still came home to an empty house. There was no one to greet him, no warm body to hold, to cherish; just a house that smelled of dust, a house that he visited all too rarely, a house that could barely be called a home. As he sat there in the darkness, his thoughts drifted.

***

He was cold, so cold, but the warmth of her body as they clung to each other helped to drive that cold away. He could feel his heart race, and could also feel hers even through the clothing and equipment. It felt so right to hold her in his arms.

She spoke, but did not leave his embrace, "What about you?"

"Cold, a little chilly, but . . . I'm me! I'm me!"

***

They stood on the ramp to the Stargate as he helped affix the small metal oak leaves to the shoulders of her dress uniform. The pride in her eyes, and the sheer joy of her expression was enough to bring light into any room. As she turned to face him, he could see that joy shine straight out from her eyes into his. He saluted her.

"Well done, Major!"

***

The sound of booted feet echoed down the corridor as the Jaffa approached, heralding imminent doom, doom about which he could do nothing. The Goa'uld shield shimmered between them, resisting all his efforts to deactivate it.

"Sir, just go."

"NO!"

Despite the barrier that held them apart, the impact of her feelings for him was physical, and he felt it in the very core of his being.

***

He was jolted into consciousness, but his mind had difficulty focusing as the world around him seemed blurred, insubstantial.

"Colonel O'Neill."

"Carter?" He turned his head with difficulty, barely having control of his body. "Carter?"

"Yes, Sir."

Was this a dream?

"Hi." He waved feebly

"Hi, Sir" He could see her smile, and knew without a doubt that this was no dream.

***

She lay on the gurney, dead at his hand. His soul was crushed with the horror of the decision that he had been forced to make, yet he watched, almost unseeing, as Janet connected the wires from her body to the mass of equipment sitting in the room. As the last connection was made, her body arched as electrical energy flowed into it, sparking around her head for what seemed like hours, before finally stopping. Nothing. But then she breathed, and his heart leapt.

He stepped forward so that she could see him without needing to move. "Hey, Carter. Where you been?"

"It's gone?"

"Yes, it is." He heard General Hammond's voice from behind him.

"I was shouting, for you to hear."

"We heard." And I would never, ever, leave you.

***

He hobbled through the event horizon into the 'gate room, pain shooting through his leg from the injury caused by the grenade explosion. As he stepped onto the ramp, the first thing he saw was her, standing between Jonas and Teal'c, waiting for his arrival. While she made no move to show anything that the others did not, between them there was no need. Their eyes locked, and he could immediately see the love, and the hurt that she had gone through this past month. But he could also see that she had never given up searching, as he had never given up hope of being found. With her there was never any doubt, no fear of being left behind. She would always find him, she would always find a way.

***

"Friends going to a wedding?"

While his mind struggled to find a way to answer the question he was being asked, he could see in her eyes that she meant more than friends; that she would prefer that it could be their wedding, and he knew that he too held onto the same vision for them.

***

His mind returned to the dark room. Several hours had passed, and the room no longer seemed so dark, so empty. It was now as though the room was holding itself back, patiently waiting for the day to come when things would change, when it would no longer be infrequently used, when it would truly be part of a home.

Until that time, there were memories to hold onto, memories of her; of what she meant to him, and of what he meant to her. Memories of moments that he would never forget, that he would always cherish; moments for eternity.



~end~



End Notes: Thanks for reading. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. Please let me know what you think!

Copyright (C) 2003 Robert Holland - rob@chiroho.net

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