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Story Notes: Season: Season Seven

Spoilers: Hero's Part II

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With a drink in one hand and the other buried in my pocket, I glanced about the living room, inwardly cringing at the mournful atmosphere. Understandable as it had been Doc's funeral today. I hadn't said much myself to anyone, apart from a little tiny whiny speech I did off the top of my head, because Cassie didn't feel able to get up in front of everyone and say something. Carter was up for it, but I had felt I should say something. She had been one of my friends as well, though she'd been the bringer of pain and embarrassment.

It hadn't rain, going against all stereotypical funerals. It had rained on Charlie's. Though the day had gone according to plan so far. They'd been no drunken outbursts, no big surprises to fall out of the woodwork and Doc hadn't risen from the dead, like so many were hoping. In our line of work, anything was possible.

Sipping at my watered down whiskey, I licked at my lips and then smiled at someone who'd briefly met my eyes. The others were in the kitchen, doing something.... with this box. I moved through the whispering groups, all swapping stories about good old Doc. I'd wished I could have told some of my own. I thought they would have found it funny about the time when Doc had chased me around the SGC, when she'd first been assigned and became big white chief of the medical staff. I'd only finally gone when Carter had said she'd go with me. It had all been a ploy. She'd never turned up.

I downed the last of my whiskey, crossing the threshold into the kitchen, and found they were even more miserable in there than they were out in the living room. Putting my glass onto the side, I unbuttoned my dress jacket as I traipsed out onto the porch, parting my dress jacket with my hands on my hips.

The garden was pleasantly lit with the sunlight, making it an extraordinary changed to the atmosphere inside of the house. I closed my eyes with a big sigh, feeling there could have been more I could have done that day. Maybe if I had sent Teal'c to protect Doc and Danny, none of this would have happened. Or I could have stayed where I was instead of charging off to play the hero, scaring the crap out of Carter when she saw me be shot, and maybe, just maybe, made a retreat back in time so Doc would have gotten out there sooner.

A lot of things could have gone different that day or days leading up to it, but I knew deep down, nothing I could change about that day, could do anything for Doc now. She was gone. Cassie had lost her mother. Carter had lost her best friend. Daniel had lost... I wasn't quite sure what the deal was between them. Teal'c had lost his 'Oprah watching' pal and friend. And I had lost... A friend? A confidant? What had Doc been to me?

"Sir?" A voice called to me from behind. I didn't move or say anything. I didn't have to. Her hand touched my shoulder, needing the contact as much as I did.

"You okay? You've been quiet since the funeral." Carter inquired, her mascara smudged just below her eyes.

I opened my eyes, titling my head down slightly. "I'm fine. Just thinking about Doc."

She nodded her head, perching herself onto the banister of the porch. "You know, she always spoke highly of you. Even when you were teasing her and causing her hassle."

"Really?" I asked surprised. "What things would she say about me?"

"How you were a great way to lose weight." Carter chuckled. "Chasing you around the base, saved her money and time in the gym."

I let out an amused grunt, swiping a hand under my nose as I stepped closer to the banister, stuffing my hands back into my pockets again. We didn't say much after that. There wasn't much else to say, when all the things we wanted to say were already in the air or they couldn't be said given the position we were in. Not in public.

Superior Officers didn't go about, hugging their Subordinates given any circumstances. I couldn't really see General Hammond giving me hug, every time I thought Carter was going to die or I'd given myself another paper cut from that damn paperwork.

She sighed loudly, getting up off the banister to adjust her skirt. "I better get back to Cassie."

"Yeah... I should, ya know, get going in a bit." I said, gesturing towards the street over the side fence. "Not much else I can do here."

"I don't think there's much anyone can do now." Carter said, as though there was something else she was trying to tell me. "The blame for this is strictly on the Goa'uld. I don't wanna see that guilty expression on your face again, sir. Unless you've broken one of my devices, of course."

"I'll try to remember that next time, Carter. Thanks." I said showing my appreciation with a smile. She smiled, not a full-blown smile, but one good enough to make her eyes sparkle. Her bare feet quietly made their way back inside, leaving me to ponder some more on Doc's old back porch.

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