Once Sam left, Jack sat down on his couch, oblivious of whatever was on the TV, which he had turned on to distract him. So much for that plan! He kept turning her words around and around in his head. 'I love you and I always did; it's as simple as that'. She'd used the love word a number of times - four to be precise; twice to confess her own feelings and twice to refer to his feelings for her. He wished it was as simple as that. Despite fighting hard to keep his emotions in check, he knew very well that he loved her and was helpless to stop himself, however much he tried to keep his distance.
How could she be so confident of how he felt? He envied that and wished he could be the same. The more he thought, the more he wondered whether he'd made a mistake rejecting her. He pulled down the photo of them together and stared at it, once more pondering that they looked pretty good. Could it really be true? What should he do now?
Cool it, that's what he should do now; wait, be patient and see what tomorrow brings. Patience was not always one of his great strengths although she had done more to teach him to use it than anyone else he'd ever met.
'I pour out my heart to you and you don't know what you want?' She had indeed poured her heart out and he admired her courage. To do that when he had shut her out so effectively took guts. He'd always admired that about her. She was a far braver person than he was or ever had been. He knew what he wanted but didn't have the nerve to take it when it was offered to him on a plate. How stupid was that?
She had talked of alternate realities, of Thera and Jonah, and was right. He'd often contemplated that these events meant they were intended to be together. However, this was their reality, and he didn't really believe in fate. One makes ones own fate, and they had made theirs. Only time would tell whether that turned out to be for good, or ill.
So, should he have let her back into his life now? His answer was no, not yet, not like that. He had been unable to deny his love but knew he was right that they both needed more time, although it was hard to disagree with her thoughts: 'We'll have wasted 6 months, Jack, and we've wasted enough time already'; 'Yeah, after all, we've only had 8 years'. So a little longer wouldn't hurt, huh? He recalled the last time he'd thought that - before he knew it she'd met Pete and he believed he'd lost her forever.
Yet apparently he hadn't lost her forever. His renewed hope breathed some life back into him, and he was grateful for that, despite his wariness. Perhaps his caution was unwarranted, but he could not help his own nature; was unable to throw it to the winds as she had.
He looked up and realised that the hockey was on TV and he was missing it. He didn't much care anymore but it did call to mind that slimy ratfink Daniel Jackson. He'd have that son of a bitch. On the other hand, perhaps Daniel had done him a favour. Only time would tell. He picked up his phone and called Daniel's number.
"Daniel Jackson." The voice on the other end answered promptly.
"Hi Daniel." Said Jack. Daniel cursed to himself, dreading what Jack might say to him and guessing his over friendly tone hid many things.
"Jack!"
"So, she's gone Daniel. Are you coming round for a beer or not?"
Gone? Daniel wondered what had happened. He'd hoped Sam might be at Jack's for the night, that his friend would have relented. Apparently not.
"Are you pissed with me?" He asked Jack.
"Now why would I be pissed with you Daniel?"
At the other end of the phone Daniel gulped. He couldn't believe Jack was just going to let him get away with it and wondered what he had up his sleeve.
"Well, breaking a confidence, talking to Sam, setting it up so you were home. little things like that might have pissed you off Jack."
"Daniel, I don't want to talk about it. Just get your low-down traitorous butt over here and keep me company." This surprised Daniel further.
"You really want me to come around? You aren't gonna ball me out, punch me in the nose, play silly tricks.?"
"Would I?" Jack heard his friend's hesitation and knew Daniel was right that he could easily do any of those three things. "I promise Daniel." He stopped the banter and became serious. "I just need a friend."
This merely made Daniel even more aghast. Jack O'Neill admitting he needed a friend? What had happened with Sam?
"I'll be right over." Daniel immediately cut the call and was out of his door in seconds flat.
Jack answered the door with a beer already opened for Daniel's arrival.
"Nice of you to call round." Jack said with a hint of sarcasm as he motioned Daniel inside.
"How's the hockey?" Daniel enquired, not ready to broach the subject which interested him most.
"I have absolutely no idea." Jack confessed with a slight smile. "Sit down Daniel. I won't bite. I promised, remember?"
"What happened with you and Sam, Jack?"
"I don't know. I told you I don't want to talk about it. I need to think, but not right now, okay? Can we chat about something totally inconsequential?"
"So why am I here?" Daniel asked.
"To chat about something totally inconsequential." Seeing the look of chagrin on his friend's face he added, in frustration, "For crying out loud, can't a guy just want to spend some time with an old friend?"
Daniel nodded his response, deciding not to press his enigmatic friend. He was more than happy to keep Jack company if that's what he wanted; keep him distracted from what was truly bothering him. Maybe he would find out more from Sam.
He was frustrated when Sam wasn't wholly forthcoming either. He told her he'd seen Jack but they hadn't talked about it, asking her outright what had happened. She said that if Jack wasn't talking neither was she and he was tempted to keep on at it but decided not to. She seemed in a much better mood than she had been when he'd talked to her the day before. Maybe that was enough for now. He was pretty sure things would get clearer in the fullness of time; if they didn't, then he would push it.
Jack was also in a much better mood. This state of affairs continued with both of them, peaking Daniel's curiosity, although he refrained from interfering. It seemed to him that the working relationship between his two friends had taken a decidedly upward turn, and that was a relief.
When he asked Jack whether he was still thinking of resigning he replied 'Now why the hell would I want to do that just as things are getting more interesting?' He wasn't sure whether Jack referred to his work or his relationship with Sam. Perhaps it didn't matter for right now as both of them were much happier and that was what he had wanted more than anything.
Maybe they'd both decided they'd be happier apart, but he very much doubted that. He believed it had something to do with Jack's reference to needing to think. Jack must have said something that gave Sam back her hope and she was giving him time to deal with his thoughts. She was a sensible and wise woman to do so if that was what Jack wanted. He didn't respond well to external pressure.
After a couple of weeks watching and waiting, Daniel decided he had to test out the waters and arranged for the four old team mates to get together for a meal and drink round at his place. It was more intimate than going out, which was what Daniel wanted. Both Jack and Sam had been eager to accept. Teal'c had been curious. Daniel and Teal'c had never really discussed the situation with Jack and Sam so Daniel was surprised by his response.
"Are you attempting to become what you Tauri call a matchmaker Daniel Jackson?" He asked, with one of his little grins on his face.
"You don't miss much do you Teal'c?"
"Indeed not." Teal'c acknowledged and added a small bow for good measure.
"Do you think I'm wrong to try?"
"I do not."
"Good." Daniel grinned broadly and Teal'c's mysterious smile widened in response.
"I urge you to approach me if you require assistance Daniel Jackson." Daniel was heartened to know that the Jaffa was on his side and willing to participate in his devious plotting if required.
"I'll do that Teal'c. Thanks."
The night went very well. Jack and Sam no longer seemed uncomfortable with each other as they had until recently. In fact, Daniel thought they got on great, and were even a little flirtatious. The banter between the two friends was like old times. When they all parted, he felt a closeness that had not existed between the four for a long time. It was gratifying that his efforts had led to something positive when he had dreaded they might turn into more of a negative. Things were looking up.
Jack was allowing himself to feel something again, his emotions gradually emerging from the cocoon he'd woven around them so tightly. For the first time in a while he believed it was good to be alive. He was happy that the icy field between him and Sam had been thawing, more and more it seemed.
When Daniel invited them to his place he'd had leapt at the chance to spend some time with her outside of the SGC. He even thought she might have been flirting with him a little. That night he'd gone home feeling happy and slept better than he had for a long time. He wondered whether it was time to take some action, but something still held him back.
Sam was delighted that Jack seemed to accept her friendship once more; it was better than nothing, although not all she wanted. She was willing to wait. Only time would tell what would happen between them. She remembered telling Jack that they'd wasted too much time already and still believed that. However, she wasn't sure how to tell when the time was right. She hoped he'd come to her when he was ready, and that this would happen sooner rather than later.
Daniel's invitation had provided a perfect opportunity to see him informally and make it as clear as she dared that she still wanted to be with him. She understood Jack, and his reticence, although it was frustrating. She'd hurt him a lot more than she'd imagined and was pleased that he even considered forgiving her that. He could so easily have kept his distance forever. That was very Jack O'Neill.
So that night she dared to relax and flirted with him a little, not being too obvious, but obvious enough. He even flirted back. It reminded her of much better times; times she missed desperately. She hoped that their future would be infinitely better than any of those times they'd been close in the past, longing to hold, kiss and make love to him more than almost anything. The gradual thawing of their frostiness gave her hope.
A couple of weeks after the dinner at Daniel's place, Jack opened his front door to a delivery man. He shook the parcel to see if he could figure out what it was but was mystified. Unwrapping it revealed a box and when he opened that he was amazed to find the photographs that Pete had taken of Sam inside, with a note from Jim.
"Jack, I held onto these for a long time, unable to bear to throw them away. Whatever you say about these, they are mostly very good photos of Sam. I know I'm passing the buck by sending them to you to make a decision, but you're the General, so you get paid for making the hard choices. I'm just a lowly underpaid cop so go figure! Thanks for the card and present for the baby. She's beautiful and doing fine and so is Gina. I'd like for us to stay in touch, although we are both pretty bad at that. My wife liked you, which is more than I can say for most of my friends. See you around pal. Jim"
Jack smiled. Nice note. He'd liked them both too and had often thought it a pity that Jim was not still in the Air Force; he might have been a fine man for the SGC and it could be good to have him around in Colorado Springs. What had they called their daughter again? Misty, that's right. Unusual name. Was Gina a Clint Eastwood fan, he wondered? He'd kept a note of Misty's birth date intending to send her birthday presents. Although he might not see Jim and Gina much, if at all, he liked to think they were around and that was one way for them to know he was thinking of them. Jack loved kids. Perhaps he ought to pay a visit to Denver.
He contemplated the contents of the parcel, pouring the photos over his kitchen table to look at again. Jim was right, some of them were great photos, although a little voyeuristic. He looked at each one carefully, his heart leaping with joy at the sight of Sam. He empathised with Jim's dilemma, uncertain that he could throw them out either. Looking at his watch he realised he would be late for work so he threw the photos into a kitchen draw to deal with later.
Later that day he was in the gate room when Dixon and SG-13 dialled home early. Davies said they were under attack and he wanted to be there to see how bad things were. Dixon's team seemed to be as unlucky as the number they were designated. He wondered whether they should skip over the number 13 as a team designation, thinking himself a fool for such a musings.
He and Dave Dixon had talked quite seriously about it one late night in the infirmary when Dixon had returned injured yet again. The guy was turning into a regular Jack O'Neill, although even Dixon hadn't been stricken with that many injuries - yet. Jack didn't know whether to be proud of the fact that he still held the SGC record.
Standing there willing them to appear through the incoming wormhole, SFs cautiously pointing their guns at the event horizon, Jack got another taste of how Hammond must have felt every time this had happened with SG-1. Dixon was nearly as irreverent as Jack was and Jack couldn't help but like the man. He knew Hammond had felt the same about him; a mixture of pride and frustration. Oy! The next thing Jack knew he woke in the infirmary, Doctor Brightman standing over him.
"What happened?" He asked incredulously.
"I'm afraid you were caught by friendly fire coming through the gate Sir. You got hit in the shoulder, and knocked your head as you fell."
"Friendly fire?"
"Sorry General." Dixon's face appeared over him bearing a sheepish expression. "I was firing at the hostiles and. well. managed to fire a few shots through the gate."
"What?" Jack said in disbelief and then laughed. Dixon looked relieved. "That's it! We have to get rid of that SG-13 curse thing."
"Yes Sir." Dixon responded. "You still hold the record General." He added, smiling slightly. Jack returned his grin.
"Thanks Dave. I'm proud."
At that moment Sam almost ran through the door, her anguish evident. She ground to a halt when she saw he was alive and conscious.
"Carter!" He exclaimed. "Nice of you to drop by." He smiled brightly at her.
"General! I heard you'd been shot. Are you alright Sir?"
"Just peachy Carter." All the better for seeing you Sam, he thought. "I've been shot, it hurts a little but I'm fine, aren't I Doc?" He questioned.
"Yes Sir, you will be. You'll have to rest the arm for a few days."
"So SG-13?" He asked.
"All present and correct Sir. We got through the gate uninjured this time." Dixon replied.
"It's good to know I'm still keeping ahead of the game." Jack joked, referring to his tally of injuries, which was a standing joke around the SGC. He reflected that he couldn't even seem to avoid it when his feet were firmly planted on Planet Earth. Oy!
"Aren't Generals supposed to keep out of the line of fire Sir?" Sam asked cheekily, her relief evident.
"Hey, you trying to rob me of my record Carter?" She suppressed her responding titter, but he saw her doing it and smiled. "Aren't you due on a mission any time now Carter?"
"Yes Sir. I wanted to check you were okay first." Jack looked at his watch and tutted.
"You're running behind time Carter. You'd better get to it. Good luck and watch your back."
"Yes Sir." She smiled happily.
Jack always said that to teams before they left and she wouldn't have felt the same if he hadn't. Hammond's farewells were always graced with his 'God speed' thing and Jack was carrying on a tradition with his 'watch your back' equivalent. Jack was big with some traditions.
"Thank you Sir." She turned tail and left hurriedly to meet the rest of her team in the gate room.
Jack felt an overwhelming sense of peace despite his injuries. He was pleased Sam had come to see him before she left. She had clearly been anxiously concerned for his welfare and he started to really believe that she did love him; that he was number one with her. Maybe it was time to bite the bullet. Now there's an ironic expression, he thought.
When he was released from the infirmary, he was ordered to rest at home for a few days. Before being discharged, SG-1 had returned safely from their mission and all three of his old team mates had come to see him. Daniel noticed the pair glancing at each other frequently, and neither tried to shy away from those glances.
Sam took all this as a sign. She had to make another move. So once he was discharged she found herself standing nervously on his doorstep once again. This time he greeted her with a smile and let her in without his previous reluctance.
"I thought I'd drop by to see how you are Sir."
"I'm doing great Carter. Coffee? Beer?" He offered, way more welcoming than her previous visit.
"Do you need anything Sir? Shopping or something?"
"I. that's a nice offer. Thanks. I'll think about it."
"Sit down Sir, I'll get the beer." She scurried quickly into his kitchen. A few seconds later she called, "I can't get these bottles opened Sir. Got an bottle opener?"
"Third draw to the right of the refrigerator." He called back. "What's wrong with your teeth Carter?" He joked.
She stormed into his living room moments later.
"So what the hell are these?" She asked, furiously, throwing a pile of photos at Jack. Doh! He groaned inwardly; they were the photos of her that Jim had sent. In all the excitement of the last few days, he'd thrown them in that drawer and forgotten they were there,
"Have you been stalking me or something? These are a little sick." She pointed to the candid shots of her undressing, taken from across the street.
"How could you think that Sam?"
It hurt that she should accuse him of this. Did she really think he could stoop that low? She was too angry to listen.
"Pete could be weird enough sometimes, and now you.?" Her eyes widened with realisation. "Pete took these didn't he?" Jack nodded mutely and Sam paled. "How could I have even thought.? I'm so sorry."
She didn't know what to say and Jack remained silent, determined to reveal as little as possible now the cat was out of the bag. Sam fought to control her conflicting emotions.
"Where did you get them?" She asked.
"Jim sent them to me."
"I. What.? Why?"
"Why do you think?" He shrugged but his expression told her a lot. "I never wanted you to know. Neither of us did." He wasn't sure how to read her reaction.
"You should have told me. I deserved to know." She was confused, not knowing how to feel. Suddenly Jack moved towards her and curled his good arm around her in a hug. The other arm was in a sling to stop him over using it.
"I'm sorry Sam, I'm so sorry." He whispered as she returned his hug, enfolding her arms around him, relieved to be where she belonged at last, although thoughts of Pete haunted her.
"Jesus. Was he a totally sick stalker bastard? How could I have been such a fool? What must you think? It says a lot about me, doesn't it?"
Jack stroked her hair and back.
"You're worried what I think? Who cares what I think? He gave you what you needed and I couldn't."
Continuing to hold him, she looked into his eyes.
"I care what you think Jack, more than anyone else." They stared at each other and Jack had to restrain himself from kissing her. "You should have told me." She added.
"You were in enough pain already. How could I add to that? Some things are better left unspoken or unknown. I wish you hadn't found them." He cursed himself for not taking more care of where he'd put the photos. How was he to know that Sam would be looking in that draw?
"I'm glad I did. Pete could do strange things sometimes. He got one of his FBI pals to run a check on me once. The nerve!"
"I know."
"You know?" She sounded slightly annoyed, but didn't let him go and he continued to hold her, feeling her warmth in his heart, despite her words. "You knew and never told me?"
"I didn't want to spoil things for you. I didn't want you pissed with me for telling you. I didn't want you to think I was. jealous or petty." She considered his words, nuzzling into his neck, her ire gone in an instant. "So what would you have done if our situations were reversed?" He asked and she had to admit total defeat. He guessed right that she probably would have done the same thing. "I never wanted to do anything that would hurt you Sam."
She pulled away, leaving him feeling cold inside for an instant until she took his hand and led him to sit down on the couch. Tucking one leg under the other, she faced him at an angle and urged him to face her too. Both her hands held one of his.
"So, Jim found the photos at Pete's apartment?" She asked and Jack nodded silently.
"Tell me?" She coaxed.
"Don't ask me that please." He begged, not wanting to describe the huge board Pete had pinned the photos to, or the weirdness of it all.
"You were with Jim that morning after the funeral?"
"Yes."
"At Pete's apartment?"
"No, at Jim's."
"So you didn't see what he did with them in the apartment?"
"No." It wasn't a lie.
"I have a right to know. You want me to remember Pete as someone different to who he really was?"
"So the guy was obsessed with you? Who could blame him?" Jack joked and a faint smile crossed her lips.
"But there's obsessed and obsessed, right?"
"I guess." Jack said, chuckling.
She shifted position, urging him to put his arm around her so she could bury her face in his chest. Jack obliged, at last willing to allow his feelings some freedom. Her hand stroked his neck and he squeezed her in response. He could never have described how it felt to feel her love for him in her fingertips.
"I'd been thinking of finishing with him. I knew something wasn't quite right." Jack was surprised by that revelation. "He could be great company but sometimes. he could be way too possessive and jealous, wanting everything to go his way. He wasn't like that at first, but as time went on he showed a side to him that made me uncomfortable, and I tried to ignore it. It always seemed to be me who had to bend to his will. I thought relationships were about compromise. When he was killed I felt guilty about wanting to dump him, about doubting him. Maybe now I don't need to feel that way."
"Then if it helps you perhaps I should be glad you found out."
"Sometimes I wonder if I only stuck with him to spite you Jack. You were so calm and understanding about the whole thing; it was infuriating." His eyebrows raised with his surprise at her confession.
"You wanted me to behave like a jealous Neanderthal?" She tittered at that.
"Kind of, I guess."
"You told me he was too possessive. You don't like guys being possessive."
"It's negative sort of behaviour Jack, but I want you to possess me." She leaned to kiss him and he stopped her. "Jack?" She questioned.
"I want to possess you too Sam. Although, frankly I'm a little against the humans possessing other humans thing, you know?" He smiled. "I want us to be together Sam. Can you be patient for a couple of days for me to sort something out first?"
She wondered what he had to sort out, hoping that he hadn't found another woman that he would be dumping to be with her. She quickly dismissed the thought as ridiculous, knowing at heart that Jack wasn't interested in any other woman but her. He was that sort of man; loyal and faithful. It was something almost unique and truly wonderful in her experience.
"What?" She queried.
"Now what did I say about patience? Can't I keep any secrets anymore?"
"No." But she smiled as she spoke.
They held each other without making any attempt to take it further. Sam was content with that for now; she knew it was going to be alright. More than anything else she longed for him to tell her he loved her, even though she knew he did. She wanted to hear the three words from his lips. She could wait, if that was what he needed.
Later, she made some dinner for both of them and, eventually, reluctantly left him to go home. She was surprised to hear that Jack had disappeared to Washington for a couple of days while he was off duty. He said nothing to her. Was it something in Washington that he had to sort out before he truly committed to her? She longed for his return.
Jack entered Hammond's Pentagon office and saluted smartly.
"Sir."
Hammond smiled, pleased to see a man he considered a friend as well as one of his officers.
"Good to see you Jack. At ease and sit down." He indicated a chair in front of his desk. "How are you son?" Hammond's eyes indicated his arm.
"It's only a precaution Sir. It's pretty superficial really. But I'm sure you've read the report. Nice office."
"Its George, Jack, and yes, it is quite some office isn't it? How's yours?" Hammond's eyes twinkled as he spoke.
"Well, you know me and offices Sir.. ermmm. George. I have to spend way too much time in it."
"You don't think you can get away with taking it all along to the mess anymore?" Jack smiled. He didn't even realise Hammond had noticed; he'd never mentioned it before. "Paperwork getting to you Jack?" Hammond enquired.
"Not at all sir." Hammond could see the sarcasm in Jack's face.
"Missing the action?"
"Well, there's more of that than I anticipated sir."
"Only because you think you need to do everything yourself." Admonished Hammond. "So, to what do I owe this visit son?"
God bless George, Jack thought. Not only did he get quickly to the point but he was trying to encourage more informality between them.
"I have a request Sir, a personal one." Hammond said nothing, indicating that Jack should continue. " I don't quite know how to put this..." Jack was suddenly filled with nerves. If Hammond said no he was screwed.
"Then perhaps you should just spit it out Jack."
Jack looked embarrassed and fumbled his words. Hammond could not recall having seen Jack genuinely embarrassed before.
"Umm. It's the fraternisation regs Sir." Surely that was enough for Hammond to guess what he wanted. Jack sought to say as little as possible.
"Ah!" Hammond looked serious. "What took you so long?" Jack reddened even further in response.
"It's never been the right time Sir."
"And it is now?"
"I hope so."
"What's changed Jack?" Damn, Jack thought, he had to ask? He sighed.
"Nothing like that Sir. There's nothing. untoward, if that's what you're thinking. Not yet." Jack pondered that he and Sam had probably breached the regs quite a few times over the years because of their close friendship, but Hammond already knew that and this was different.
"I know you better than that Jack."
"Sir." Jack acknowledged Hammond's confidence in his honor. "I know I'm still her CO but our working relationship has changed. It isn't as close as it was when we were on the same team. Things are just. different. I figured. I was hoping you could make an exception Sir. It's within your power."
"I need to question why I should Jack? I hope you understand that." He stated flatly. Hammond knew the two had feelings for each other but how would it impact on the SGC if he made that exception? Jack nodded.
"I would too, if one of my people came to ask me the same thing. General, this isn't intended to sound like a threat, but I could just resign."
"You've thought about that?"
"Many times."
"It's serious then?"
"I want it to be, but I'm not about to risk Sam's career to find out."
"What about her Jack?"
"You know I would never pressurise her into anything. I wouldn't take advantage of someone under my command like that."
"I never even thought for a moment that you would."
"Oh! I. I think she feels the same, Sir, and I'd like the chance to find out for sure."
"I'll have to think about it Jack."
"Of course Sir. Thank you."
"How many times do I have to tell you it's George?"
Jack shrugged; old habits die hard.
He knew it wouldn't be the first time exceptions had been made. He'd heard about such things happening and the regs allowed for it. Maybe he should have asked Hammond years ago, but he had never believed it was the right thing to do, not until now.
"So you flew all the way to Washington DC to ask me that?"
"Fancy a bit of small talk do you George? Played any golf lately, been fishing?" Jack smiled and Hammond laughed, as much at the cheeky grin on O'Neill's face as at his words.
When Jack returned to Colorado Springs, he waited anxiously for a call from Hammond, not even telling anyone he was back yet. The next day, Hammond called him at home and, to Jack's relief, gave them his blessing.
"Thank you Sir."
"You've done so much for us Jack and never asked for a damned thing so this is the least I can do. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding."
"Yes Sir." Hammond thought he could actually hear Jack's smile but figured he was imagining that. He wished he could see it though.
Jack was grateful that Hammond had made his decision so quickly, and that it was in his favour. Now he couldn't put this off any longer. The Doc rebuked him when he showed up for work, but had to admit that his wound was healing well. It had been superficial, particularly on the Jack O'Neill injury scale. She'd spent a great deal of time reading his medical history and was surprised the man was still alive. He defied medical convention. However, she knew that Janet Frasier had been an superlative doctor and hoped she was living up to that example.
SG-1 were on a mission so he had no choice but to wait, anxiously. He was often on edge when any teams were off world, dreading that something bad would happen, and SG-1 were special to him. He couldn't help those feelings. His unease was amplified by what he wanted to discuss with her when she came home.
Jack was brief and business like in the gate room when SG-1 returned and Sam was surprised when he approached her just outside the infirmary. He didn't normally go there unless one of them was injured.
"I take it the Doc's cleared you?" He asked.
"Yes Sir, I'm fine."
He walked with her along the corridor towards the lift.
"Are you going home after the debriefing?" They were due a debrief in half an hour. He would make it as short as possible.
"Possibly Sir."
"Are you doing anything tonight?"
She stopped walking and he stopped too, turning to face her questioning gaze.
"I might have a long hot bath."
"I. we need to talk. Can I come round? I'll buy pizza." He smiled nervously and her stomach churned with anticipation. At last he was ready?
"I'd like that. Sir." She replied with a smile and he nodded briefly, leaving her to ponder further.
Jack was nervous and excited when he turned up at Sam's with a bottle of wine in hand. He had debated buying her flowers but thought that was probably too much. Next time. He hoped there would be a next time, fairly confident there would after their previous conversation.
"So, what you thinking Jack?" He was pleased she skipped the Sir, General formalities and thought: I'm thinking I want to hold you, kiss you, make love to you, and be with you. All he said was, "I was wondering the same thing."
"I asked first. Do you know what you want now?" Her question made him smile.
"I always knew what I wanted Sam, I just wasn't sure it was the right thing, or what you really wanted."
"I thought I'd been pretty clear about what I wanted. I haven't changed my mind. I still feel the same way." She replied, taking his hand in hers.
This time there was no shying away and after last time she hadn't expected that to happen; even so, she was relieved. He squeezed her hand in response, touching her face tenderly and pulling her into his arms, kissing her at last. As he probed with his tongue he thought she tasted sweet. Man it felt good. When he drew back she looked into his face and eyes, caressing his hair.
He could feel her tremble at his touch and figured that he probably trembled too. She traced her hand down his face to his neck and he closed his eyes, wanting to feel every movement of her fingers. When he opened them again she was smiling and leaned to kiss his neck. He felt her breath brush sensually across his skin and sighed with pleasure, taking her head in his hand and tilting it so he could possess her mouth once more.
There was no need for more words to pass between them because they knew what lay in each other's hearts. He led her to the bedroom and gently started to strip her naked, whispering "Are you sure?" and searching her eyes for confirmation. She answered with a kiss of her own; it was some kiss.
On her dresser stood the photograph of them at his barbecue, in pride of place. The picture of her and Pete was no longer in evidence. He smiled at her, acknowledging he'd seen it and she grinned back, happy he was pleased.
It had been a long time since Jack had been this close to any women and he was surprised by his nervousness but Sam's tenderness and passion overwhelmed his senses. The gentleness between them turned into frantic need and desire and they devoured each other hungrily, desperately yearning to get closer and closer; to merge as one. Their lust burned brightly, the sexual tension that had lay between them for so many years setting them alight.
To Jack's dismay his desperate need ensured his efforts were over far too quickly, leaving Sam unsatisfied. Although he rectified that, he thought their lovemaking had been a disaster and it troubled him deeply.
"I'm so sorry Sam." He said when she was spent.
"It's alright Jack." She tried to reassure him but he recognised it for the palliative that it was. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. A man like Jack O'Neill found such an answer unacceptable.
"Not, it's not alright Sam." He wondered how good in bed Pete had been, how he compared with the much younger man. Knowing that these black thoughts could ruin them he tried to force them away, but couldn't. "Never pretend with me Sam. Never."
She stroked his cheek tenderly, guessing how he might feel. He needed to know that some things were more important than perfection. Despite the lack of it, their love making had felt good, not awesome, but very good nonetheless. Opening her mouth to tell him so, he stopped her by speaking first.
"It's been a very long time for me Sam. I. I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry." He kissed her softly on the nose, wanting absolution for his sin. She said nothing but merely pulled him closer.
Sam considered Jack's situation. She had no idea how much sex or companionship he'd had over the last few years; he was a man, after all, and a pretty secretive one as far as his private life was concerned. Men have needs and generally manage to fulfil those somehow, often much more casually than women. She guessed, however, that he'd been fairly solitary and lonely, just as she had been before Pete. Poor Jack. She tried hard to bite back that pity knowing it was the one thing he would find totally unpalatable; nearly as bad as betrayal on the list of things he hated. However, her words gave her thoughts away.
"You've been alone for a long time, Jack? I'm so sorry."
He did not respond with words but instead sat up on the side of the bed, head in hands, looking forlorn. He cringed away from her touch but she persisted.
"I don't want your pity Sam." He declared simply.
"I know."
All those years of wanting her and fantasising how great they would be haunted him. She knelt behind him, her arms around his torso, absently playing with his chest hair and then she kissed his neck and shoulder and leaned forward to do the same with the side of his face.
"I'm sorry I disappointed you." He whispered softly. "I wanted."
He started but couldn't voice that he had longed for perfection, to be the best. If he was the best perhaps she would never leave him. Who was he trying to kid? He'd be past it way before her. There were many things more important than sex on a relationship. He tried to comfort himself with that thought. He and Sara had maintained a very satisfying sex life and he'd got the impression he was pretty good at it. Maybe next time would be better.
"Me too." She confessed and he brought himself to turn and look at her. "You're making too much of this Jack. All we gotta do is practice."
She smiled brilliantly, one of those smiles that he couldn't fail to return, whatever his mood. Her smile was infectious. He hoped she was right and let her pull him back to a horizontal position on the bed, where she held him close to her. He had missed the feel of those arms around him. It was one of the things he considered more important than the sex itself. He had a long list of those.
"You know that bath I said I wanted? Wanna share?" She suggested a while later.
"That sounds really good Sam."
She ran a hot bath with lots of bubbles, urging him into it first. They lay enjoying the feel of each other, Sam between his legs, her back sprawled up the length of his torso and head on his upper chest. Neither felt the need to speak much. Jack expertly massaged her neck and shoulders, his touch soft and sensual.
"I love you Sam." He whispered softly in her ear, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine. He had spoken those three little words at last and Sam sighed blissfully, tilting her face towards his and drawing him into a kiss.
"Wanna practice Jack?" She murmured and he started to caress her breasts and kiss her neck.
"I hope I make a better job of it this time." He admitted, nervously.
"You worry too much Jack. Relax. Perhaps I need to massage your neck and shoulders."
"Hmmmmm. sounds great."
Jack caressed her lovingly, moving his hands softly over her body through the water.
"I wanna kiss every inch of your beautiful body." He said.
"Well we can't so any of that lying like this. I'll give you the massage, if you'll keep your end of the bargain. Let's get out of here."
Reluctantly he let her go and followed her out of the bath. She held a towel in her hands and slowly started to dry him with it. No woman had ever seduced him with a towel before, but he could call it by no other name than seduction.
She wouldn't let him touch her further but coaxed him onto the bed, face down, and started to massage his neck and shoulders as promised. Then she moved onto his back, interspersing her hand movements with small kisses and licks across his shoulder blades and down his spine.
"It's my turn." He said softly, turning around to face her and pulling her down onto the bed horizontally.
He started by kissing her face and neck and moved down her shoulders. Occasionally he would lovingly nip her skin with his teeth. He took it slowly, determined to make love to her properly, as she deserved. Holding to his promise, he kissed almost every inch of her.
"That felt. pretty special Jack." She told him as she started to do a little fondling and kissing of her own.
"You're a very special woman Sam."
This time their lovemaking was extraordinary, for both of them. Jack knew it had been great, fantastic even, and that fact warmed his soul, consoling him for what he considered his earlier disaster. She understood that no words were required but still needed to tell him how she felt anyway. Men's egos could be fragile and she knew this was very true of Jack O'Neill despite his bravado. She needed his ego on one piece.
"Jack, that was. was. indescribably amazing." He smiled shyly, stealing a small kiss.
Later she spoke again, something she felt was important to say, unsure whether this was the right time to state it or not, but plunging on regardless.
"Don't ever believe I'll compare you unfavourably to Pete, Jack, because there is no comparison in my heart. Or in bed for that matter."
Jack had gone way beyond anything Pete had ever done or had probably even been capable of. She hadn't realised that sex could be as good as that. He pushed back so he could regard her face.
"Oooo.kay. do you mind read as a side line Samantha Carter?" He asked.
"Only sometimes." She tittered. "But don't tell General O'Neill," She whispered conspiratorially, "The poor man will never get through all the paperwork." Jack chuckled.
"I'll try to remember not to mention it." He bit her shoulder teasingly.
"I don't want you to think you have to live up to a dead hero Jack. I love a perfectly wonderful live one and have wanted to be with him for as long as I can remember."
"Oh, and who is this man? Should I be jealous?" He joked, deflecting from her flattery. She would not be side-tracked.
"I'm serious Jack O'Neill. You're one heck of a man." He reddened a little and she thought it typical that he should get embarrassed by such praise. He looked very cute when he was embarrassed.
"I'm just a guy Sam."
"Not just a guy Jack but my guy. General Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill; my guy. I'm not even sure I can find the right words to tell you how I feel about that, or about you. I'm so in love with you Jack."
Her beautiful blue eyes glistened with moisture as she recalled that after all these years spent working on the same team, the ups and downs, the arguments and irritations, and he could still make her heart beat faster when she saw him across a room. He loved those eyes.
"I'm very much in love with you too Sam."
His chocolate brown orbs sang that loud and clear, his feelings so apparent in his expression. She had always loved his eyes too. They say the eyes are the windows of your soul and she thought she had never seen this demonstrated in any man more clearly than in Jack O'Neill. She was probably kidding herself about that as she was hardly unbiased in her opinion of him.
"You're quite a woman Sam."
"I'm proud you think so because your opinion means so much."
He felt his emotions wanting to overwhelm him and his breath caught in his throat. It had been too long since he had felt able to let them lose and express them openly. Years of suppression took it's toll.
"Will you stay the night Jack?"
"I'll stay forever if you want."
"Forever sounds good." She grinned.
"Thank you Sam, for finding it in your heart to love me."
"You still aren't sure why I do are you?"
"Not really, but at least I accept that you do." He kissed her affectionately.
"I need to give you something General O'Neill." She said, leaving his side, and the room, briefly and returning with an envelope in her hand. He felt a chill while she was gone.
She handed it to him. It was addressed to General O'Neill and when he read the contents it became apparent that both her verbal and written reference to his rank had been deliberate. It was a letter of resignation from the US Air Force. Jack stared at it open mouthed, and then at her.
"Sam?" He managed to blurt out.
"Neither of us want to breach the regs Jack. I know we already have, but we both know that we won't be able to live with it. I don't want to risk our relationship and want to be with you more than the rest of it." She was blushing slightly, a shy look on her face.
"Sam. I. I don't know what to say."
He was overwhelmed. She would give it all up for him but he could never let her do that.
"What if it doesn't work between us?"
Taking her into his arms, he held her close so that she couldn't see his emotional reaction to her sacrifice. He knew how important her career was.
"I'm willing to take the chance. They need you in charge at the SGC, and."
"Do you think you have to prove something to me?" His voice shook and she pulled away because she felt a sudden urge to look at his face. He was visibly moved by her sacrifice. "I won't accept it."
"You have to."
"No I don't, I'm your CO." He tore the letter into pieces.
"Jack!" She was aghast. "I could go above you to General Hammond." Jack thought the General would find that very amusing in the circumstances but said nothing about that.
"Your resignation would kill our relationship eventually Sam. Besides, there are alternatives."
"Jack." Her fingers reached to stroke face and he leaned into her hand, kissing her palm. "So what do we do?"
"We don't have to do anything." She looked surprised. "I've already done it." Her eyes widened even further.
"You can't resign!" She protested.
"Not that! I asked Hammond to make an exception and he agreed." He smiled smugly.
"W. what? You bastard! You let me got through all that about the letter and we haven't even been breaching the regs?" She wasn't really angry with him and he knew it. "Oh God, I love you Jack O'Neill!" She exclaimed happily, taking his face in her hands and planting him with a gigantic and sloppy kiss.
He had never been so confident of her love and understood that it ran much deeper than he had ever dreamed. The notion thrilled him and he looked into her eyes.
"Hammond wants to be invited to the wedding." He ventured, a cheeky grin on his face.
"W. wedding?"
"It's the ceremony that joins two people together for life Sam." His face was more serious now.
"L. life?"
"I want to spend my life with you. Forever, Sam."
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Her smile made his heart beat just a little faster.
"I take it that's a yes then?"
Jack O'Neill was going to be a handful. She knew him so well, yet he still remained a mystery. She wanted to get to know the real Jack O'Neill and was happy to dedicate a big part of her life to fulfilling that quest. Life was about to get a whole lot more interesting.
/The End/
Story Notes: Being There 04: There is an NC-17 version on my site for anyone who is interested. Link: http://www.ficwithfins.com/su/nc17/nc17_btpt4.htm
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]