Moments Series: Ice Cold in Antarctica
Dammit! I woke him up, and hurt him too. As if he isn't in enough pain already, poor guy. I hate to see him like this. It's like watching his life drain away. Normally he's so full of it, living for the moment. I love that about him: he's so vibrant and full of life. He really is a fascinating and enigmatic guy. But he's losing it. It scares the crap out of me and it's painful to watch. I don't think I can bear to witness him fade to nothing. I know he's in pain but I'm helpless. Dammit!
It's driving me nuts that I can't do anything to save him, or us. He's so determined that we're gonna live through this, trying to make me believe. I do believe in him, I really do. He's the best CO I ever had and I don't want to lose him. Face it, Sam, you know there's more to it than that. Don't go there, you can't think that. He's your CO! There is something about him, though. He's kind of unique and special. Is that just me or do other people think so too? I don't think it's just me.
I know I can't be objective, not deep in my heart, but I believe I'm right and not imagining it just because I think he's. pretty hot, if truth be told. Stop Sam! Can't, won't! I want to believe him that we'll get through this. If it was up to him we probably would, but it's up to me. He has such faith and I'm letting him down. Does he really feel like that or is it all show? He's such a difficult guy to get to know; keeps so much hidden. I'd so love to know. If we could.
Side arm? Holy Hannah! If this was any other place or time. but that can never be so I shouldn't even think it. How can I avoid thinking it when he's lying next to me with a hard on? I'm only human. So is he, which is good to know; comforting in a weird kind of way. How the hell he can get an erection at a time like this is beyond me. He's a man; go figure! Have to admit it's good to be this close to him. Makes me feel warm and safe. I wish. No! Can't, won't!
Jeeze, why the hell do I have to work for the guy? Stupid, Sam, you love working at the SGC, with SG-1, and serving under the Colonel's command. Colonel, sir dammit, my CO. Think of something else. That's real hard when he's lying right next to me. Warm. safe. Stop! Can't, won't! Something else. Wow, that parachute story. Incredible. Most people would have given up, but not him. He sure is tenacious. That's good, comforting. He'll always be there for us, never leave us behind. I hope we make it through this so he can be there. I'd like that.
All that pain, stranded in the desert, and he makes it. He has balls and I admire that. I admire that a whole lot. That catalogue of injuries! He must have been through hell more than once. I wish I knew more but probably never will. He keeps that stuff so close to his chest that I still can't believe he even told me that much. It's a great story and tells me a lot about him. I'm glad I know. I needed to know. He's a brave man; dedicated, loyal, honorable, and one heck of a soldier and leader.
He made me nervous at first, still does in a way, but the team has really come together and I'd hate to lose that. What we do is important and we need the Colonel. I have to get us home. I wish I had the same faith in me that he seems to have. I don't want to die on an ice planet millions of light years from home any more that he does. I want to save him. us, I mean us. impress him with my super woman Carter powers. Carter to the rescue, wins O'Neill's eternal admiration. Nice!
Who you kidding Sam? Not only can't I go there but he doesn't want me there! He still loves his wife; I saw the two of them together. The thought of her kept him alive and that's pretty wonderful. Can she do the same now? I know I can't, so good for you Sarah if you still can. Lucky woman to have such a man's love. I so envy that. Think about her, Colonel, about seeing her again. You need something to hold onto. Wish it could be me but it can't. I'll take your respect and friendship; that's enough.
Why does he provoke these feelings in me? I'm ambitious, sure, and want to make a positive impression on my CO, but this is different. To have the respect and friendship of this man; it's something worth striving for. I knew that from the get go. He's handsome, sure, attractive and sexy; but that's not all of it. There's something about him. Special. Oh crap, Sam, go to sleep. Stop over thinking everything. Just sleep. In the morning it will be fine. I'll solve the DHD problem and save us both. Sleep, Jack, rest, and we'll make it. I promise.