Of Dogs and Other Matters by Su Freund

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Story Notes: Moments: Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com

Website: http://www.ficwithfins.com/

Category: PoV, Episode Tag, Angst

Content Warnings: Some use of mild language

Pairings: Jack and Sam

Season: 8

Spoilers: Threads

Sequel/Series Info: Drabble series of POVs based on a moment from an episode

Status: Complete

Archive: My site, Jackfic, SJD, Gateworld, FanFiction Net

Art Credit: Fulinn28 made the wonderful book cover from a screen cap and can be contacted at: Fulinn28@ficwithfins.com Thanks Bonnie.

Author's Note: Called a drabble because each individual paragraph is 100 words long. This series is not necessarily written or appearing in episode order so does not follow a particular sequence - except my whim in writing them. The fic, with its book cover, can be found on my site at: http://www.ficwithfins.com/AA3_1/archive/1/ofdogs.html

Of Dogs and Other Matters

Dog? He wants a dog? Holy Hannah, he's bought a house and wants a dog and he's only mentioning it now? What the heck happened to sharing those husband/wife type decisions? Dammit, it's a nice house, perfect, but how dare he make those decisions without talking to me about it! What kind of guy am I marrying? Is this my future? I know I'm busy but surely I should have a say in where I'm gonna be living for the next few years - and whether we'll have a dog. What makes him think I like dogs? Smile, Sam, and think.

The next few years? What am I doing? I'm committing myself to this man for life. Is that what I really want? Sure, I want it all: the great career, the happy home, the loving husband, the beautiful kids, and I might even consider a dog; but do I want all of that with Pete? Calm down, Sam, this is just pre-marital nerves. Deep breathes. Pre-wedding jitters, that's all this is. Yeahsureyabetchya! Everything is going to be great. I'm gonna get married and live happily ever after, just like they say you should. Who am I trying to kid? Shit!

I'm a cat kind of woman. I never wanted a dog. They're too much like hard work, and I already work hard enough. You have to walk them and make a fuss of them. They rely on you totally, slobber all over your clothes and follow you around like-like dogs! What's wrong with a cat? They're proud and independent. That's my kind of pet. Either that or a goldfish, which is even less effort. Makes me appreciate what Daniel sees in those fish. How would we look after a dog? Pete's a cop and I'm USAF; we'll hardly be home.

Does he expect me to look after it while he's out detecting? That's it! Oh my god, he probably thinks I'll give up work and stay home having babies and looking after dogs! Holy crap, we never even discussed that kind of stuff and I'm marrying the guy! But what are you going to do, Sam? Have kids and leave them for someone else to raise? I never did get around to resolving that within myself, let alone with him. And I'm worried about dogs? That's the least of my problems. If Pete hadn't mentioned dogs, bought the house... hell!

You're kind of overreacting to the dog thing, Sam. Dogs really are not the point here. It's whether or not you are in control of your own life that's the point. And there are other factors to consider. The last few days have been pretty strange. I don't think dad liked Pete that much; he certainly wasn't impressed. I sooo dreaded dad meeting him. What does that tell me? Is it dad or Pete related? Not sure I wanna even go there, but I have to. What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life? What about the General?

The General... Samantha Carter, that's nuts; you even call him General inside your own head. Oh boy! You shouldn't even be thinking about him when you're with the man you're going to marry, for crying out loud. How do I stop myself doing that? Crap, I even use his expressions these days. It's frightening. God, it was so embarrassing when Pete called me about the damned flowers. Why'd he have to do that? You've got to admit that your mind isn't really on this wedding, Sam. But where it's at is so... out there... it's impossible, isn't it? What now?

I know Jack cares. Jack, not General, not Sir, this is Jack I'm thinking about here! He cares, but how much does he care? I couldn't make him out when Pete called, and dad mentioned the flowers for the wedding. Just embarrass the heck out of me why don't you dad? But I have to question why I was embarrassed. Jack was there; he heard it all. He told me to take time off and seemed nonchalant, but he was so still; momentarily frozen. His face... there was something... pain? Small things speak volumes for Jack even if he doesn't.

He covered it up quickly but it was there, I'm sure of it! I wish I knew for sure what he's thinking and how he feels about me. I wish he'd ask me not to... Sam! You can't think that! I was so sure that Pete was right, that I was doing the right thing. I was grasping at the chance of normality, a life outside of the SGC, but now... Why am I having these doubts? Sam, you know why; you just need to face up to it. They think you're a genius but you can be so stupid.

You took all that time to make up your mind to accept Pete's proposal and that didn't tell you what you really needed to know? Doubts, Sam, they've always been there. Why did I show Jack the ring before accepting? Did I say yes just because he didn't ask me to say no? It's been so many years now; wanting, waiting, hoping. Jack was always there and it was either too easy, too hard, or just an excuse. When I showed him the ring... If I'd said 'it should be you' would he have said 'yes it should'? If only...

You never had the courage to come right out with it Sam. You wanted him to but you should have known he couldn't. He's still your CO and it's up to him to play the grown up. Considering everything that's happened over the years, he's done that pretty well - for Jack. Thinking back, wasn't that another time when his silence was so eloquent? He tried so hard not to react to the ring, to let me go, but he did react and I just refused to see it and plunged on to making a mistake. A huge honkin' gate-sized mistake.

If I spoke to him now what would he say? If I asked, would he reveal his thoughts and feelings? Can I afford to expose mine to get him to expose his? What are you scared of, Sam? That he no longer feels those things he locked in that room all those years ago? In your heart you know that's not true, but you still doubt it. You still haven't got the balls to unlock that room and confront it. No, you'd even marry the first man who asks rather than do that, wouldn't you? Now that's pretty scary. Damn!

I bet Jack would never do this to me: buy a house without consulting me, talk about getting dogs as if it was a given. He'd ask me, talk to me. He trusts me. After all we've been partners for years in all but name and deed. He's a true friend and one of the best I ever had. That friendship might be silent and hidden a lot of the time, but it is real, and so very important. Jack respects me, and that means everything. If Pete respected me he wouldn't have done this. Jack would never do this.

Did dad see something in Pete that I've been blind too? Is that why he didn't seem impressed with my choice? Well, right now I'm not too impressed with my choice either, dad. Maybe my blindness has been deliberate. I'm so yearning for that perfect thing, so wanting to get a life and set myself free, that I haven't been thinking straight; not since The Prometheus. Funny thing is that I probably wouldn't even mind if Jack wanted a dog. Face it, that says a lot Sam. What have I done? I have to see Jack. I need to know.

The End

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