The Conversation
"You wanted to see me Jacob?" Jack said as he entered the room.
He hated to see Jacob laying there, dying. He knew it would hurt Sam when he went, and anything that hurt Sam hurt him, but he would also miss him in his own right. They'd had their disagreements but he held Jacob in high regard and hoped that respect was mutual.
"Sit Jack." Jacob indicated the chair next to his bedside.
Jack thought Jacob looked exhausted. The man was dying, what did he expect? He was pale, ashen and drawn, and the clarity in his eyes had faded rapidly over the last few days. It was a sad and depressing sight and not something Jack liked seeing, or even contemplating. The death of a friend is always hard and, after all these years, he considered Jacob a friend.
His mind wondered back to their first meeting in Washington. It had come as quite a surprise and he'd felt uncomfortable, never had liked that sort of party, and left to have a drink elsewhere; a fateful decision as it turned out. How things had changed since then.
He sat down and waited for Jacob to say something. He must have a reason for asking him to come.
"I haven't got much time left so I can't afford the time to be subtle, Jack." Jacob said. His voice was losing its strength, which was also depressing. To see a man who was so vital and full of life start fading away right in front of your eyes isn't easy. It brought a lump to Jack's throat but his expression remained impassive. "You and Sam... Are you in love with my daughter?"
Jack was aghast, wondering whether he should lie and, if he did, whether Jacob would see through him. Was this going to be the, "don't ruin my daughter's career" lecture? After everything that had been going on lately - Sam and Pete; Kerry - Jack didn't think he could take that. Nonetheless, after a long pause he decided that he couldn't lie. What was the point? If Jacob didn't know, or have a pretty good idea, then why was he asking for confirmation? Crap!
"Yes." He replied in a low voice. His cheeks were flushed but his expression remained neutral. "I've always treated her with the respect she deserves Jacob." He added, fearful that Jacob would think badly of him and believe he might take advantage of his senior position.
Jacob was silent for a while, surprised that Jack admitted it so easily, and then grasped his arm.
"I know that Jack. If I didn't we wouldn't be having this conversation. I'm not going to lecture you about the regs, or Sam's career. That isn't what I want."
"What do you want?" Jack's tone was subdued.
"I want you to tell her how you feel." In response, Jack's eyes widened with shock.
"Jacob? I can't believe you just said that. You know I can't."
"Why not? Just because of a few rules?"
"You're a General in the Air Force, and you're encouraging me to flout the regs?"
"Some things are more important to me than Air Force regs, or anything else. She's my daughter. I want her to be happy; to be with the man she wants."
"She is. He's called Pete." It pained Jack to even think about that, let alone voice it, and Jacob caught a glimpse of that pain before it was resolutely suppressed.
"No Jack. You're wrong and I think deep down you know it. She's settling for second best because she believes her first choice is unattainable."
Jack sucked breath through his teeth. His heart was beating rapidly and he felt slightly nauseous. He remembered a conversation long ago, with Sara's father. It hadn't been quite like this, but the feeling was the same. Fear. What exactly was he afraid of? His feelings for Sam? The consequences of telling her? The consequences of not telling her? All of that, and more.
The heart might get old, and the arteries harden, but what lay inside that heart was just as young as it had always been. Jack felt like a youngster again, facing the father of the woman he loved. The former might not be true anymore, but the latter most certainly was.
"If you do nothing you'll lose her, and soon. Do you want that?"
"I know I will. Of course I don't want that, but I don't have many options."
"Of course you do. You can't let her marry that Shannahan guy."
Jack smiled thinly.
"You don't like him?"
"He isn't right for her."
"And I am? Give me a break. You're kidding, right?"
"A man lying on his death bed does not make jokes about his daughter's future."
"You sure are full of surprises this visit, Jacob." His tone was slightly acerbic.
"You think I should believe you're wrong for her?"
"I really don't know what to think. I just..."
"Jack, she loves you."
The words surprised Jack and he tried to swallow his anxiety, and excitement.
"How do you know that?" Jacob detected the cracking voice and smiled.
"I'm her father."
"Yeah? So you're telepathic? I can't see her telling you that."
"Of course not, but I know, just as I know how you feel about her." Jacob sighed. "I don't know whether you two would make it or not. I can't predict the future Jack. I just know you should give it a shot, and your best one, because she deserves that."
Jack couldn't quite believe this conversation. It made him proud to know that Jacob felt that way about him, but... there were a lot of buts. The conversation made him feel uncomfortable, and yet was also a comfort.
"I'm flattered Jacob. I respect you and I'm pleased you think I'm worthy of Sam. You couldn't pay me a better compliment than that. But..." He tailed off, unable to articulate his feelings and reluctant to even try.
"But what? I want what's best for my daughter. I want her to be happy, have a family. I want her to be loved and protected. I can't think of anyone who can do that better than you. You've both been through so much together."
"You could see that as a downside."
"Why? You could never share as much with other people as you could with each other."
Jack knew that was probably true. They knew each other well, but then again, they didn't. In many ways they hardly knew each other at all, even after all this time and all their shared experiences.
"She's getting married, Jacob. She's engaged to another man."
"And I bet that hurts, huh? And it's wounded your pride too. You think she's moved on? So does she. You're both wrong. Don't let pride stand in the way, Jack. That would be childish."
"Yeah, well some folks say that about me."
"I've noticed that act. It's a good one and can serve you well, but not this time. Open your heart. Stop protecting yourself and let it out. You're a courageous man."
"Not that courageous." Jack joked, self-mockingly.
"Courage in battle but not with your heart? Courage with your enemies but not your friends? Jack, if one of you doesn't do something, three lives are going to be ruined here: yours, hers and Pete's. You can't let that happen. I don't want to see that happen, or believe that it will once I'm gone."
Jack didn't reply, his mind wandering off to recent events. Sam coming to his place, telling him she had doubts. He was pretty sure she was going to say that some of those doubts were linked to her feelings for him. He wished they could have had that conversation, but also feared it. They'd kept the genie in the bottle for so long, maybe too long, and uncorking it might unleash untold horrors on them all. There was so much uncertainty in that future.
Then there was Kerry's visit to his office. She'd seen right through them both, or certainly right through him. It had hurt when she dumped him, and he'd worked hard not to show it, but it had also been a relief, of sorts. She was spot on about his feelings, but he wasn't so sure that acting on them was a good thing.
Now Jacob. That was a real shocker. He wasn't quite sure how to react to this situation; it was such a total surprise that Jacob felt like this.
"Life is one big risk, Jack, you know that." Jacob said in the face of Jack's silence. "So take this risk. Look after my daughter for me." He saw Jack's expression. "Yes, so she's engaged, but if you gave her a sign, some hope, I'm betting she'd drop Pete like a hot potato."
"I can't ask that of her. It's not fair. I don't have anything to offer her, Jacob."
"The fact that you say that makes me even more sure that I'm right about this. It's what makes you so right for her, Jack, don't you see? That's why I want you to look after my girl. You have more to offer than you think."
"I'm flattered, truly I am..." once more he tailed off, not knowing what to say, how to react. He was flustered by the conversation and felt out of his depth, but pressed on, hoping he could effectively convey his meaning. "I would be honored to do as you ask and I would never let her down if she needed my help, Jacob, but you're asking me to make a promise I'm not sure I can keep. It's Sam's future we're talking about here. She has a pretty large say in it."
"But you can promise me you'll think seriously about it, Jack. All it would take is some courage, faith and a few words."
"Faith?" Jack chuckled but the laughter was hollow. "Not sure I've got any of that to spare."
Jacob knew Jack was damaged goods. He'd been to hell, more than once, and survived. That scarred a man, possibly irreparably; it was bound to. He knew a lot about Jack's sad and regrettable history: the loss of his son and wife, Iraq, and much more besides. He knew about the torture and pain, the killing and destruction: the dirty secret things that Jack had done for his country, and this planet, and the dirty secret things that Jack had suffered as a consequence.
Nevertheless, he knew Jack was a good man, one of the best. He wanted his daughter to have the best and believed it was worth the risk - leaving his daughter in the hands of this damaged man. He'd seen Jack in action, known him for a long time. He'd seen enough to know that he was right. He admired and respected him. The man was a freakin' hero, but he would never think that about himself.
Jack's apparent cockiness and self-confidence frequently hid a self-effacing nature and lack of self-assurance. Jacob thought it ironic. Jack was an enigma, a conundrum, but he was an honorable man who respected his daughter, and that was important, if not crucial. A good man inside that partially blackened and damaged heart. He would treat Sam as she deserved to be treated, and that was more than enough for her father.
Jacob had exhausted himself making the effort to have this conversation. It appeared that Jack was bamboozled by it and that was no surprise. He needed time to digest it, think about it. He considered that he shouldn't push it any further than this and hoped he hadn't tried to push it too far, too quickly. But what choice did he have? He wouldn't be around for much longer; probably wouldn't live long enough to see the outcome. That thought saddened him.
"Hi dad, Sir."
It was Sam. Jack wondered how long she'd been lurking in the doorway and blushed, standing up. Saved by the bell - the thought flittered through the minds of both men.
"I'd better go and leave you two alone. Bet you've got lots to talk about." Jack said, a ghost of a smile on his face, but looking more uncomfortable than ever.
Jacob smiled inside himself. He knew he'd given Jack a lot of food for thought and hoped he'd do the right thing. The trouble with Jack's maverick nature was that you couldn't always predict what he would consider as the right thing.
"Yes Sir." Sam smiled and Jack's heart flipped. He would pay almost any price to see that smile.
"Jack," said Jacob as Jack reached the door, "think about what I said. Please."
"I will. I promise."
Then he was gone. It was the last conversation he had with Jacob before he died and he would remember it always.
"What was that all about?" Sam asked her father, curiously.
"Just a bit of General talk. Nothing important." Jacob lied, hoping that Jack really would think about it and not bury it away with everything else.
Jack wondered back to his office, deep in thought. There was a lot to think about, and a lot of pros and cons to consider. The one thing he knew for sure was that he would be there for Sam when she needed him. Always. And she was going to need him real soon.
The End
Story Notes: Art Credit: Fulinn28 made the wonderful book cover from a screen cap and can be contacted at: Fulinn28@ficwithfins.com Thanks Bonnie.
Author's Note: Thanks to Vegas Barbie for the initial inspiration to write this fic, and to Bonnie for her beta and ever helpful suggestions. Fulinn28 made the wonderful book cover that adorns this fic on our site from a delicious screen cap of Jack! Thanks Bonnie. If you want a peek here is the URL: http://www.ficwithfins.com/AA3_1/archive/1/theconversation.html
Author's Note: Thanks to Vegas Barbie for the initial inspiration to write this fic, and to Bonnie for her beta and ever helpful suggestions. Fulinn28 made the wonderful book cover that adorns this fic on our site from a delicious screen cap of Jack! Thanks Bonnie. If you want a peek here is the URL: http://www.ficwithfins.com/AA3_1/archive/1/theconversation.html
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]