Somehow I Knew by Noda

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Story Notes: Email: noda@win.bright.net

Season/Sequel Info: Season 1ish

Spoilers: Children of The Gods

Archive: Yes, please. Sam and Jack and Heliopolis, others, please ask

~Story notes~ The idea for this came from discussions on the Sam and Jack mailing list about when Sam and Jack first realized they were in love, and someone mentioned they thought it was even before events in "Children of The Gods." I haven't seen enough episodes to add my own opinions on the subject, but if it *were* before they met, this is my take on it.

Copyright 2000 by Noda

It was that damn song's fault I couldn't sleep. I'd heard it hundreds of times, but for some reason, tonight it struck a cord within me, making me think back to when I first fell in love with Jack.

*I knew I loved you before I met you. . .*

Ridiculous, right? How could you love someone you've never met?

*********

I had access to the information about the Stargate two years before Daniel Jackson was called in on the project to decipher the hieroglyphs on the 'gate. I was obsessed with anything and everything having to do with it, and was almost devastated when I was by-passed for the first mission to Abydos. Red tape and budget, I was told, but I didn't believe it for a second. I had my own theories why they didn't want me on that mission, and they were substantiated when I received Colonel Jack O'Neill's report.

Oh, it didn't actually mention anything about it being it being suicidal in nature, but reading between the lines, I could see Jack had no qualms about accepting his assignment when the chances of his returning were slim to none.

The truly odd thing was the difference between Jack's pre-mission report, and his post-mission one. It was almost as if two separate people had written them. The styles were the same--leaving a bit to be desired--but the attitude was different. The Jack O'Neill that went to Abydos was not the man who'd returned, and that fact intrigued me nearly as much as the summary I read.

I'd gone over Kawalsky and Feretti's reports as well. While they echoed their commanding officer's as far as events went, I wasn't drawn into their accounts as I was O'Neill's. I even went so far as to look up his military file to see what this man looked like. Normally it made no difference to me one way or another, but there was something about the change that made me want to see the man who'd authored the report in my hand.

I was startled when his picture came up on my computer. His eyes looked haunted, full of pain that I seemed to know wasn't physical. He'd made no attempt to smile at the photographer. Instead he seemed to be almost glaring at him. I knew how he felt. I wasn't much for getting my picture taken either, but I hoped I never looked as hostile as he did in that pre-mission photo. All part of the package when he was called back to duty.

And why had he retired in the first place? Age certainly wasn't a factor in his remaining in the service. Nothing personal was listed in the dossier, only details of his Air Force career, so I could only speculate it was something personal. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but I printed out a copy of Jack's picture, attaching it to my dog-eared copy of his report, so I could continue to scrutinize his face. Maybe if I stared at it long enough I could see why he appeared so lost.

I had gone over the account of the Abydos mission so many times, I literally memorized it. I could envision each word, each phrase and it's placement on the paper. The second half fascinated me the most. Not only because of the descriptions of an alien planet, but for the traces of sarcasm that snuck their way into the narrative. There wasn't a trace of humor in Jack's pre-mission account.

When my transfer to Stargate Command finally came through, I began to envision what it would be like to meet him, how he'd welcome my expertise on future missions. How we'd work together as a team. I couldn't believe I was actually infatuated with him and we'd never met.

But the Jack O'Neill I envisioned and the man I encountered were far from the same person. That's the trouble with fantasizing. You could ascribe all sorts of personality traits you admired onto a person and forget the negative. In your mind they're the perfect companion, interested in the same things you are, when in reality you couldn't be further apart.

My first day at SGC was typical for all new postings. I knew I had to go into a room full of strangers--veterans of 'gate travel--and convince them they needed me. Even though it was the truth. The men would look me up and down, checking me out as a woman, then wonder if I were tough enough for the job. The women, if there were any, would be noticing the same things, only speculating on how "butch" I was if I were planning on keeping up with the boys. So, I entered the room with my soap box tucked under my arm, going in with both barrels blazing, ready to do battle with anyone who crossed my path.

Feretti and Kawalsky didn't disappoint me. I'd faced reactions like their's before. A little posturing to help them feel less threatened, then they settled down and accepted my presence.

Colonel O'Neill was a different story. He didn't back down, which caused my own defenses to kick into over-drive. At his first quip of: "Oh, I like women, I've just got a little problem with scientists," my heart sank. Where was the man I had been secretly obsessing over these past months? Could all of my instincts have been wrong? His condescending attitude towards my profession hurt, but I wasn't about to let him know it. Feminist Sam climbed even higher on her soap box saying things to a ranking officer that were almost bitchy. I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd ejected me from the room. He certainly had just cause. I think it was my minor attempt at humor about the arm wresting that kept me in the meeting. His eyes met mine for a moment and I could see his acceptance, even if verbally he was still arguing against my joining his team.

After General Hammond told him in no uncertain terms I was part of SG-1, Jack settled down, taking his defeat as gracefully as possible. I tried to concentrate on the rest of the meeting, but from time to time I could feel Jack's eyes on me, trying to assess for himself if I were worthy of the general's respect. I looked up once and met his eyes. They were full of questions, but I didn't sense any animosity. Perhaps my daydreams hadn't been so far off after all.

*********

I smiled slightly at the memory of our first meeting, shifting on the bed, snuggling closer into Jack's arms.

"Can't you sleep?" he mumbled, half awake.

"Getting there," I said with a yawn. My last thought was of my original trip through the Stargate. How I told Jack he'd like me once he got to know me. Who'd have thought his snide comment of,

"Oh, I adore you already, Captain," would turn out to be prophetic?

The End

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