samandjack.net

Story Notes: Songbook Series 18: AUTHOR: Jez- jez80@ozemail.com.au

SPOILERS: none

ARCHIVE: Sam and Jack and Heliopolis please.

AUTHORS NOTES: A huge thanks to my two beta gal's, Kes and Jenn!

FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated and cherished.


Sam and Jack were sitting quietly at the kitchen table, eating breakfast and reading the newspaper. They were both slightly startled when the phone rang, interrupting the silence. Sam grabbed the cordless phone that was sitting at her elbow and put it to her ear. “Hello?”

“Sam! It’s Ben King.”

“Hey, Ben. What can I do for you?”

“Jocelyn had the baby!”

Sam could hear the excitement and pride in his voice. She grinned. “Really?! Congratulations! Tell me everything!” She saw Jack’s curious look and quickly told him the news.

“It’s a girl. She was born at ten past six this morning, after a thirteen hour labor. She weighs eight pounds ten ounces. We called her Laura Marie.”

Sam had tears in her eyes. “Oh, Ben I’m so happy for you. They’re both all right?”

“Both mother and daughter are fine.” He chuckled, “It’s so hard to believe that she’s here.”

“Are they up to visitors?”

“Yeah. She’ll be happy to see you both.”

Sam smiled. “All right. We’ll see you later. Thanks for calling us, Ben.”

“See you soon, Sam.”

*****

They arrived at the Academy Hospital a couple of hours later and ran into Ben, who was just exiting his car. “They make you leave, buddy?” Jack asked, with a knowing smile.

Ben chuckled. “Joc said that if I didn’t go home and shower, she wouldn’t let me hold my baby.” He looked in the back of his car, seeing all of the flowers and gifts that had arrived at their house. “You wanna help me take all this stuff up?” he asked Jack.

“Ah, now I see why you wanted us to come. Slave labor.”

Sam laughed, moving to congratulate the new dad. “What room is she in?” she asked.

“406. We’ll be up in a minute,” he told her retreating form.

Sam found the room she was looking for and quietly pushed the door open, not wanting to disturb Jocelyn if she was sleeping. She smiled when she saw her friend nursing her new baby. “Hey!”

“Hi, Sam! Come on in.” Jocelyn finished feeding Laura, moving the baby to her shoulder and gently patting her back.

“Look at you. You’re a pro at this already,” Sam said with a grin. “How are you feeling?” she asked as she sat in the hard seat beside the bed.

“Sore! But incredibly happy.” Jocelyn smiled at her little girl as she shifted her from her shoulder. “You wanna hold her while I clean myself up?”

Sam nodded and reached out to gently take the newborn in her arms. “Oh, Joc, she’s so gorgeous!” Sam told her friend. She smiled down at the baby and was met with unfocused green eyes. “She’s got your eyes.” She started playing with a tiny hand, the baby’s pudgy fingers enclosing around her finger. “You’re so cute,” she told the baby.

Jocelyn watched her friend. “You’re acting a bit maternal there, Sam!” she stated.

“I’m not!”

“You are too! Don’t try and deny it. I know you.”

“Okay, I am,” Sam relented. “I swear my biological clock’s making up for lost time.”

Jocelyn laughed. “So, are you guys trying?”

Sam sighed and shook her head. “Jack and I decided to wait a few years.”

Jocelyn looked at her friend suspiciously. “You both decided? Or Jack decided?”

“We both decided. Geez, Joc, we’ve only been married for five months,” Sam told her, trying to sound believable.

Obviously, it didn’t work. “Sam, don’t lie to me. Just tell me one thing. Do *you* want to have a baby?”

She nodded, looking down at Laura. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then what’s going on?”

When Sam looked up at her friend, Jocelyn saw tears in her eyes. “I just... I don’t think Jack’s ready to have another child. After Charlie... I’m not sure if he’ll ever be.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

Sam shook her head. “Not really. I don’t want to push him.”

“Talking’s not gonna hurt, you know. You’ve got to let him know how you feel about it. You never know, he might surprise you.”

Sam nodded, and was about to comment further when the door opened and Jack and Ben walked into the room, arms full. Sam blinked her tears away and watched as her husband put what he was carrying down and congratulated her friend.

“Congratulations, mom,” he said to Jocelyn bending over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks,” she replied.

He moved over to where Sam was sitting, holding the baby. “Can I hold her?” he asked.

Sam carefully handed her over and watched as Jack started talking to the tiny baby. “Hey Laura, I’m Jack. You are a cutie, aren’t you?”

Sam wasn’t the only one to watch Jack. Jocelyn was also watching how he interacted with her daughter, and it was at that moment that she knew that Jack wanted a child as much as Sam did.

*****

That night, SG-1 had their ritual video night, the four of them congregating at the O’Neill house. Sam had tried hard to focus on the movie, but her mind kept wandering to her conversation with Jocelyn. She was sure that she wanted to have a baby. Every fibre of her being wanted to create another life with her husband. She glanced at Jack, who was engrossed in the movie. What if he didn’t want to have another child? She remembered when he had proposed, her concerns about not being able to have children hadn’t phased him. When they’d talked at her brother’s place, he’d seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing.

“Hey, you in there?” Jack asked his wife, giving her a nudge.

“Huh?” she asked, jumping slightly.

“You okay?”

She nodded, blushing as she realized the three of them were watching her. “I guess I’m just tired. I might call it a night, guys.” Bidding them farewell, she made her way upstairs, leaving the men watching after her.

“I guess we should be going too,” Daniel said, getting to his feet.

Teal’c got up as well, and Jack followed his friends to the door. Daniel paused, looking back at his friend. “Jack? Is something wrong with Sam?”

“Why do you ask?” Jack asked.

“She just seemed really quiet tonight. Like she had something weighing on her mind.”

Teal’c nodded his agreement. “I too noticed that Major Carter appeared distracted.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “I noticed too. I’ll have a talk to her. See what’s bothering her.”

“Let us know if we can help,” Daniel told him as he walked out the door.

“Will do. ‘Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, O’Neill,” Teal’c replied as he left.

*****

Sam just stared at the little pill for a moment, almost questioning whether or not to take it. Jack’s entrance broke her out of her thoughts and she put it in her mouth, swallowing it quickly. She lay down, pulling the covers over her and turning onto her side. She heard Jack undressing and felt the bed dip as he laid down behind her. She felt him spoon up to her back, his arm wrapping around her waist and a kiss was planted on her ear.

“You okay?” he asked. “You’ve been quiet tonight.”

“I’m fine,” she replied, closing her eyes and sighing as Jack started nuzzling her neck.

He rolled her over on her back and leaned over her. “Are you sure?” he asked gently, caressing her cheek.

She smiled at the concern she heard in his voice and nodded. Raising her hand, she tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him towards her for a passionate kiss, pulling his body over hers.

*****

Tired and sated, Sam snuggled closer to her husband and decided now was the time to talk. “Jack?”

“Mmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Jack opened an eye. “Anything. You know that.”

She took a deep breath. “How would you feel if I said I wanted to stop taking the pill?”

Jack looked at her. “What? I thought we talked about this? Decided to wait a few years?”

“I know we said that, it’s just... it doesn’t matter.” She stopped, not wanting to push him.

Jack rolled her over onto her back, leaning over her so he could look at her properly. “No, Sam, don’t do that. Talk to me.”

“Lately, I’ve been thinking about it... a lot. I’m not getting any younger and... I saw Jocelyn today with her baby and I thought ‘I want that’. But if you’re not ready...”

“Hang on, I never said that. I want us to have a family, Sam. I just don’t want to rush you. I don’t want you to regret anything. I know how important your career is to you.”

“But I wouldn’t have to give that up. I could work in the lab, and once the baby was old enough, I could start going on a few missions again.”

A soft smile crossed Jack’s face. “You really want this,” he stated, seeing it in her eyes.

“I do... but only if you do. I know you’re unsure about having another child...”

“I want this, Sam. God, I want this!” He pulled her into a fierce hug.

*****

The next morning, Sam and Jack decided to go to Janet and see what she had to say about them having a baby.

“Hi, guys. Everything okay?” she asked, as they walked into the infirmary.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Are you busy?”

“Not really. What’s up?” Janet’s curiosity was piqued. Both of them seemed excited, and perhaps a bit nervous.

“We were wondering if we could talk to you. It’s...” Sam broke off as a nurse walked into the room.

Janet smiled. “Come into my office.”

Janet ushered them in, closing the door behind them and taking a seat behind her desk. “So, what can I help you guys with?”

Sam looked at Jack and he gave her a reassuring smile. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was. “Jack and I were talking last night and... I want to stop taking the pill.”

Janet nodded. “I had a feeling that’s what you wanted to discuss. So, you want all the pro’s, cons, etceteras?”

Sam nodded, looking again to Jack for support.

Janet paused for a second, unsure how to proceed. “Well, first and foremost, you’re both fit and healthy. There should be no problems on Jack’s part, as far as I can see.”

“But there could be with me,” Sam finished for her friend.

Janet sighed. “Yes, there could be problems with you. Sam, you have to realize... even if you manage to become pregnant, I have no way of knowing what effects the protein marker or the naquada may have on the foetus. You could miscarry, there could be birth defects...”

“You don’t think we should try?” Sam asked in a small voice.

“Hey, I never said that. You could also have a perfect little baby. I just want you and Jack to realize that there are risks.”

“Okay,” Sam said, looking at Jack who gave her a reassuring smile.

Janet nodded and continued. “Now, if you do decide to stop taking contraception, you also have to realize that it may take quite a while for your body to get back into it’s normal cycle. You’ve been on the pill for a long time. Just don’t expect to get pregnant right away.”

Sam nodded and looked to Jack. He could see the question in her eyes and reached for her hand. “I’m behind you all the way, baby.”

“Even if there are problems?”

“*All* the way,” he assured her, giving her hand a squeeze.

Janet smiled at her friends. "You've got time to think it over. You're period's not due for another week, and if you stop taking the pill at the end you won't doesn't mess up your cycle as much. Talk it over some more, and let me know what you decide in a week."

Sam nodded, getting to her feet. “Thanks, Janet.”

“You’re welcome.”

*****

Sam was standing up on the deck that Jack used for stargazing, hardly noticing the air had turned cold as gazed down at the garden. She was grateful that they’d been given some down-time. She didn’t think she would have been able to be on the ball enough for a mission while there was so much going through her mind. Her period was due in two days and she and Jack were no closer to making a decision. Every time she thought her mind was made up, another variable popped into her head and she changed her mind. She jumped slightly as she felt arms go around her waist. She’d been so deep in thought, she hadn’t even heard him climb up.

Jack pulled her close to him, kissing her ear. “Come inside, angel. It’s cold out here.”

“I know, but the stars are amazing tonight.”

“The stars are in the sky, Sam. Not down in the garden,” he pointed out.

She chuckled slightly, leaning back into his embrace.

“I guess I don’t have to ask what you were thinking about, maybe just which bit?”

Sam sighed, stepping away from him. “Us. What happens between us if things don’t go the way we plan.”

“Sam...” he began immediately, only to have her cut him off as she turned around.

“Jack, so many marriages end because the couples can’t have children. I don’t want to end up like that. I don’t want to lose you because I can’t have a baby.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. “You won’t lose me, Sam. Remember ‘to death do us part’? I meant it. Don’t even think that. The only thing we have to consider, is if we want to risk the complications we might face.”

She relaxed into him for a moment before pulling away. “I’m sorry. I need some time to myself at the moment. I’ll be back later.”

She’d started down the ladder before he’d even managed to say a word. Jumping into action he hurried down after her. “Baby, don’t shut me out. We have to do this together.”

She shook her head, not allowing him to draw her back into his arms. “I’ve got some thinking to do, Jack, and I need to do it by myself.”

He sighed in defeat. “At least put a jacket on. Getting sick isn’t going to solve anything.”

She nodded, walking inside to grab a jacket and her keys. She kissed him on her way out, whispering “I love you,” before walking out the door.

Jack’s shoulders slumped, as he sat down on the couch with a sigh. He didn’t know what else he could do.

*****

When Sam hadn’t returned a few hours later, Jack started to worry. He didn’t think she’d do something stupid, but she was upset and that could have caused her to have an accident. He called the Base, thinking she may have holed up in her lab. He was informed that she hadn’t been in that day. He tried Janet’s, but the phone was engaged.

Not being able to sit around any longer, he grabbed his car keys and headed out the door. He drove straight to Janet’s place. When he pulled up outside her house, he didn’t see Sam’s car. He got out of the car anyway, wanting to make sure Janet hadn’t seen his wife. Hurrying up to the door, he pressed the doorbell.

Janet opened it a minute later. “Jack,” she greeted, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Have you seen Sam?” he asked.

“No, I haven’t. What happened? Did you two have a fight?”

Jack sighed. “No, she was just really upset. She took off a few hours ago and I have no idea where she is.”

Janet opened the door wider. “Come in.”

Janet lead him into the living room, leaving him for a few moments to get him a beer. “So, talk to me,” she said, sitting in the chair opposite him.

Jack didn’t say anything for a moment, instead deciding to take a drink from his beer. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Janet, it was just hard for him to talk about his private life.

Janet reached out and touched his arm. “Come on, Jack. You can talk to me. You’re obviously worried. Let me help.”

Jack sighed. “I’m not real sure where to start. I know she wants a baby, that’s not even in question. She’s just afraid. And I don’t think it’s the possible problems that are really scaring her. She thinks that if things don’t go the way we want, that she’ll lose me.”

“It’s a pretty reasonable fear, Jack,” Janet replied quietly.

“Why? Because of my last marriage?” he asked, getting defensive.

Janet’s eyes widened. “God, no! That didn’t even enter my mind!”

Jack nodded, believing her. “But I think it’s entered Sam’s.” He sighed. “I know it’s entered mine.”

Janet looked at him for a long moment. “Do *you* think she’ll lose you if things go wrong?”

“I don’t know. Right now, I’d say that there was nothing that could ever come between us. But I once thought that about me and Sara too. I don’t ever want to hurt her, Janet, but I feel like I’m doomed to fail.”

Janet’s heart went out to her friend. She knew that he wasn’t as strong as he made out and he was scared of screwing up and losing Sam, but Janet felt that he was being too hard on himself. “Jack, you have to give yourself a chance. I know from a very reliable source that you’ve changed since you were married to Sara. You’re a different person. After that little misunderstanding the year before last, she stayed and we talked while Sam went back to you. She told me that she’d never known you to be so open about what you were feeling. She attributed that to your relationship with Sam. Do you even realize how much you’ve changed?”

Jack thought for a minute and realized that she was right. “Yeah, I guess I have. I just... I guess the SGC was the start of it. I could never talk to Sara about my work, but Sam and I could talk about it, help each other through. I never knew what it was like to be able to share *everything* with someone.”

“So keep sharing everything. Tell her your fears, and if you decide to try for a family, don’t let it dominate your lives.”

*****

When Jack returned home, he saw Sam’s car parked in the garage. Relieved that she was safely home, he hurried inside to see her sitting on the sofa. “Where have you been?” she asked, her voice quiet.

“Out looking for you. God, Sam, you’ve been gone for hours. I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted some time to myself. I needed to think some things through.”

“Did you come to any decisions?” he asked.

She sighed. “I don’t know. All I do know is if there’s a chance that I’ll lose you, then I don’t want to try.”

Jack couldn’t hold back any more. He strode over to her and wrapped her in his arms. “I love you, Samantha O’Neill, and there’s not a chance in hell that you’re going to lose me. I won’t allow it to happen. As long as we don’t let this take over our lives, we’ll be okay. I’ll be there for you, Sam. No matter what.”

The conviction in his voice brought tears to her eyes as she came to a decision. “I want to have a baby, Jack,” she blurted out.

He smiled, stroking the tears from her cheeks. “Me too, angel.”

“But I don’t want it to become all that we are. I don’t want to be counting fertile days and all that. I don’t want the only reason we make love to be because some doctor says it’s the right day.”

“Me neither. I think that’s when tension arises. Why can’t we stop taking the pill, but keep going like we are now. Making love when we want, going out and having fun. Then, if it happens, it happens.”

“Do you think we can do that? Not focus on having a baby?”

He smiled, giving her a light kiss. “You and me, we can do anything.”

Giving her first full smile in days, Sam pulled his head down and kissed him fully, letting her actions show him all she was feeling. When they pulled away, Jack was breathless. “So, do you think we should get a bit of practice in?” he asked with a grin. “Gotta make sure we’re doing it right.”

Sam laughed. “I think we need serious help if we’re not doing it right by now!”

“But doesn’t it help to keep practicing? So it’s perfected by the time you’re ready to conceive?”

“Well,” Sam replied, wrapping her arms around her husband’s neck. “I’d hate for us to get out of practice.”

*****

I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe
I want to be the air for you
I’ll be there for you
I’d live and I’d die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can’t say what love can do
I’ll be there for you

*****

COMING SOON- Songbook Series 19: To Get Me To You




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