Story Notes: Archive: SJA

Spoilers: D&C, WO, and POV

I thought of this while listening to the song “Better Man” by
Pearl Jam. It’s a good song, if you’ve never heard it you should.

Dedication: To the man who is an inspiration to many, he has become a part of our lives, and is loved by us all. May he one day realize not only the impact he has had on so many lives, but also the depth of feeling we all have for him.

I wrote this story a couple of years ago when I was a member of this list. This story is followed by a sequel. Many people had asked me for a sequel to that as well, and I said I would write it, but then the real world sorta pulled me away for a while. I am re-posting this for the newer members. I have only changed the e-mail address.

Feedback: Don’t make me send the biker priest for it.

“A New Life”

As I flip through radio stations on my way home I hear the beginning chords of a song I used to love. The song just hits to close to home now.

She lies and says she’s in love with him.
Can’t find a better man.
She dreams in color, she dreams in red.
Can’t find a better man.

This song describes my life in a way. It’s not that I can’t find a better man, because I know right where the perfect man is, but I just can’t go back there. If I go back there-back to the SGC-I can’t have him. If I stay where I am I can’t have him either, so I settle for Tom. Tom is a good man, but I don’t love him. I really wish I did, but I don’t.

And when it comes to dreams...I definitely dream in more than just red. I dream in Technicolor. More nightmares than anything else. I’m haunted by my memories of the SGC, and the people that it holds. After everything that happened-the testing, the alternate universes, what happened in the time loop-all of it, I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

I couldn’t be that close to Jack, and not have him. It was a physical pain, hell it still is. At least with him so far away I can’t see him all the time. Only at night when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning.

I’ve tried explaining to Tom why I keep the picture of SG-1 on my bedside table, but he just doesn’t understand. He can’t understand that deep inside I wish to go back to a dangerous job that doesn’t pay as well as my boring existence at the lab I’m currently working in. He can’t see that the people in that photo are more than just co-workers. They’re my family. A family I have talked to only once in the past year.

It doesn’t matter though. I have a new life now. A life, a new home, a new love, and a new job. I may not love it, or the people there, or even Tom the way I did the SGC, but I love it as much as I can. What Daniel said can’t really be true. The SGC couldn’t have lost it’s soul just because I left. He said that it was Jack and I, and the possibility of true love coming through the most difficult of situations that kept everyone going.

And if it’s true they’ll just have to accept that I have a new life now. Maybe if they accept it I can as well.


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