“An Old Life”
I flip on the radio I have hidden in my office-I never could stand doing paperwork, especially when I have to write the report on how Captain Kavousicious injured himself AGAIN-when I hear the distinct sound of a violin signifying the beginning of “Ants Marching” by DMB.
I remember this song, hell how could I not. One time when we had an extended mission on the Tok’ra home world Sam smuggled a CD player, and what must have turned out to be at least a case of batteries along. At the time she was obsessed with both this song, and “Better Man” by Pearl Jam. I own both CD’s myself now.
This song kind of reminds me of Sam and myself. I have the same tedious routine every morning now. Get up, go have breakfast, and either go do paperwork, or go on a mission effectively one man short considering that our hearts and minds will never accept anyone but Sam as our fourth. We never said anything to the other.
We just kept looking at each other, shoving our feeling away as if they were in a box, and wished for a quieter time-a day that we could be together without either of us having to give anything up, except for a bit of bed space. Our hearts have hope that one day Sam will come home to us, but she loves Tom now.
And I am happy now. I’m happy because Sam has finally found someone who isn’t an alien who can make her happy in the here and now. She doesn’t have to wait ten years for him. That is only one more of the crimes that lay between the two of us.
I keep a picture of SG-1 by my bed every single night. I really should put it away one of these days. I know I won’t be able to move on until I do, and maybe, just maybe, if I move on, so will everyone else. Everyone around here seems to have lost all enthusiasm about the project. I guess I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed seeing her face light us when she finally completed some impossible task I had set for her. I guess true love just can’t make it over every obstacle thrown into it’s path, no matter how much it wants to.