Chapter 1:
"Open the gate Daniel!" screamed Samantha Carter as she shot wildly into the army of Jaffa closing in on her team.
"I'm dialing as fast as I can here Sam."
Just then the gate swooshed open, its liquid like opening surging forward then back, finally stabilizing. The three members of SG-1 ran recklessly toward the opening, firing behind them the entire time. They were grossly outnumbered. Staff weapon blasts were passing swiftly by them, almost too fast to see, some passing into the open Stargate.
At last, SG-1 made it through to the gate and rematerialized back at the SGC.
"Close the iris!!" said a voice that definitely did not belong to General O'Neill, he was off world negotiating trade agreements with Earth's latest ally, or so they thought. When SG-1 turned away from the Stargate, they were shocked to find Jack lying prone next to them with a medical team doing everything in their power to resuscitate him. Just then a stretcher came in and he was rushed out of the gateroom.
"What the hell happened?!" Sam demanded of the closest airman.
"Ma'am, the General was about to dial out when the gate opened and you came through." He wasn't looking at her face, he was looking past her. Carter knew this wasn't a good sign. "Blasts were coming through the gate, the iris was already opened. He told everyone to leave the gateroom except for the marines. As he turned to leave, he was hit in the back, ma'am."
"He was supposed to leave hours ago." Daniel said as he walked toward Sam. He wanted to support her, wanted to be sure she'd be all right, but he knew that to offer his support openly in front of most of the SGC was the wrong move at this time. Carter had to show she was a soldier; she couldn't afford to fall apart right now.
Sam started to feel light headed. The room started to tilt, slowly at first, but gaining momentum, she heard Daniel and Teal'c calling her name, but they sounded far away. Somehow it occurred to her that she was passing out, and then the world faded to black.
**
Sam woke up in the infirmary to Daniel standing over her; Teal'c was looming in the background.
"She's awake" Daniel motioned for Teal'c to come closer. "Hey Sam," she tried to move but Teal'c stopped her.
"SamanthaCarter, you have lost much blood, you should remain still." For the first time Sam took notice of her left arm. It was heavily bandaged and stained red.
"Yeah Sam, you just dropped when we were in the gate room. That was five days ago."
****Five days! I was out for five days?**** Suddenly she remembered what happened five days ago. "What about the General?" she asked anxiously, hoping that he had recovered from the blast he took. She looked around the infirmary, and not seeing him there gave her hope that he was already up and around. But he wasn't standing near her bed either. He was always there when she woke up. Where was he? She looked up at Daniel and his face told her the answer. He looked away from her, and Teal'c spoke, "O'Neill was killed by a staff weapon blast as we came through the gate five days ago."
"His funeral was yesterday Sam." Daniel's eyes were watery; it was hard for him to tell her. He knew even though she was engaged to Pete that she felt strongly about Jack, hell; a blind man could see it. "I'm sorry."
To say she was shocked would be a gross understatement. Her absolute despair at hearing Daniel's words defied description, her stomach dropped, her heart shattered, and she felt as if all the life was drained from her. She fell back against the pillows of her bed in the infirmary, suddenly too weak to even support herself, this time not due to the loss of blood.
**
Daniel was worried about her. She'd been in the infirmary for a week now. Supposedly she would be discharged later that day, to Pete's care. She was more depressed than he had ever seen her. She was functioning, but that was all. The light was gone from her eyes. He knew better than to chalk it up to the pain from her arm, although that had to hurt like hell. No, Daniel knew why she was so miserable, it was the same reason that he and Teal'c were feeling so terrible, Jack was gone.
They'd all have to go see the base shrink. God he hated that. Why couldn't he be allowed to mourn in peace without having his feelings analyzed and dissected to make sure he wasn't "over feeling" anything. But he knew the answer to that question too. It was because of the nature of the work he did. Everything was so critically sensitive that a sound mind was absolutely integral.
He and Teal'c had been to see Sam everyday. They stayed with her for hours, but she never said anything unless they directly asked her something. In fact for long hours she was semi-catatonic. She functioned fine. She was eating and sleeping regularly, or so they thought, but she just wasn't there. She was merely a shell of herself and while this was totally expected because of the nature of the relationship she had with Jack, Daniel feared, along with Teal'c, that she would never recover. She refused to see Pete.
They had tried to talk to her about it but she was unresponsive. She would tell them that she was fine, that she just wanted to get out of the infirmary, but they knew it wasn't the truth. Sam was a brilliant person, and ordinarily her masks were impenetrable, but this cut was too deep, she couldn't hide this one, not from them.
**
Sam was released later that day but placed on "extended leave until such time as she has recovered from her injuries." Those orders came from General Hammond, who had returned to the SGC after hearing of Jack's death. He knew that Sam was going to need time to mourn for Jack, and that time might be lengthy. But rather than announce that to everyone, he simply left it as "until she has recovered from her injuries."
Sam was allowed to go home, but she didn't. As soon as she was discharged, she shut herself up in her lab. She did however; make it look like she left the base. She signed out and snuck back in, telling the guard she left something in her office. She disconnected the security cameras and even left a note with Daniel telling him that she was going to her brother's for a while. She told Pete the same thing.
She was hurting, badly. All she could think of was that she'd never see him again, never hear his voice or laugh at his jokes. It all felt so wrong, so unfair. She felt like crying but the tears just wouldn't come. Her world was upside down and she knew that nothing could ever make it right again. She couldn't go home, not to Pete. She couldn't ask for his support, it wouldn't help. Sure, she loved Pete; well at least she thought she did. It was just that Jack was something else entirely, the forbidden love, the one worth waiting for. But she didn't wait. She left him, and now she was feeling guilt as well as sorrow.
Her lab was her one sanctuary; a place where things made sense. For days she threw herself into her work. She solved problems, experimented on new technologies, devised new theories. She hadn't slept in days; there was no point in it, it was too painful. Whenever she dozed off she would dream of him. She couldn't even use his name anymore, it hurt too badly. He would talk to her in her dreams, make her laugh. Waking up was so hard. She knew she was probably delirious by now, and quite possibly certifiable, she didn't care. Her experiments no longer made sense, but she didn't care about that either. Soon she stopped working altogether except for one theory that came to her on one of the rare occasions that she passed out but didn't dream of him.
Time travel. She could use the gate to travel through time. She could save him. She'd just have to go back far enough to make sure they either didn't go on that mission, or to be sure that he wasn't even near the gate room when they returned. The only problem was that every simulation she ran resulted in the present body being pretty much brain dead. She was sure that the mind was sent back, but the body that remained would perish.
She couldn't run any real test; she was still shut up in her lab. If she emerged people would ask questions, and she really didn't feel like talking. She hadn't spoken a word since she spoke to security on her "way out," and before that, well, she didn't really speak much at all since she last came through the gate and her world fell apart.
She had finally finished her calculations. At this point she would ordinarily try some sort of dry run, but she couldn't. A thought floated through her mind at that moment, ****what if it doesn't work? **** Well, her simulations showed that she'd be brain dead. What bothered her most was that she really didn't mind the idea of being brain dead if this failed. She had to do it. She couldn't go on this way.
**
She was ready. All she had to do was figure out a way to get to the gate. Her plan was to wait until the graveyard shift. The airman on duty wouldn't know her, or how hard what had happened over a month ago hit her. She would tell him that she had to update the dialing sequence, and that the gate would be engaged for a while. By the time she actually ran through the gate he'd have no time to stop her.
On the day she decided to go, she wrote a letter to Daniel, Teal'c, and Hammond trying to explain herself. Her words didn't really make sense. She was basically running on fumes because of her lack of sleep and terrible eating habits for the last month or so. She left the note in her lab, knowing that eventually they'd find it. She hoped it would help them to get past her death. She left special instructions to make sure they didn't keep her brain dead body on life support in the hope that she would regain consciousness, she never would. She also asked them to tell her father what happened, and that she had to try this because she loved Jack (writing his name nearly made her pass out from the emotional strain it put on her) and she couldn't live knowing he died.
It was 0200 hours when she left her lab, it didn't matter who saw her now; there was no one on base who would think her being there strange. She walked into the gate room and explained to Airman Summers her maintenance program and relieved him of duty, telling him to return in about an hour. Then she started working.
What she didn't know was that Daniel was walking through the halls at that time, on his way from the commissary, where he was feeding his unquenchable caffeine need. He ran into Summers coming from the gate room. Daniel knew that Summers was supposed to be on duty, and asked him why he had left his post. When the airman told him that "Colonel Carter" relieved him of duty, and told him about her scheduled repairs to the gate, Daniel ran to the gate room.
The gate was engaging. She just had to make one more adjustment to get the date correct, there, she had it. Just then Daniel burst through the blast doors. "SAM!! WAIT!!" She was startled and she dropped the time device she was using. She had the coordinates set. She started to run toward the event horizon. Just as she was about to step through, she turned back to Daniel who was desperately trying to manually close the iris, and said "I'm sorry Daniel." Then she stepped into the gate.
A second later, the stargate disengaged, and Daniel found Sam lying, unconscious, on the other side of the rings. He carried her to the infirmary as fast as he could where, about ten minutes later, she was pronounced brain dead. About an hour later, her note was found.
**
Sam woke up feeling horrible. She was way too warm, and she felt dizzy. She opened her eyes and was staring at a ceiling that was both strange and familiar. There was some kind of beeping going on in the background. It sounded suspiciously like a heart monitor. For a fleeting moment she thought her plan had failed and that she had miraculously been revived in the SGC infirmary, but then she realized that she was most definitely NOT in the SGC.
She sat up and found that her arm was in a sling, the beeping was in fact a heart monitor, but it wasn't attached to her. She looked around and saw three other people in the room. This whole scenario seemed oddly familiar. Almost like remembering a dream. She got out of bed deciding that she needed some water and possibly some medication for her sudden migraine.
As she walked through the sterile corridors of what she could only imagine was a hospital of some sort, she realized that she almost knew where she was going. She found the nurses' station and asked for some kind of pain killer. She didn't want anything strong, she just had a mild headache now, but her wrist hurt a bit.
After she took the meds she started to think. She wondered where she had ended up. It certainly wasn't where she had expected. She could have just gated to another planet, but that couldn't be right, she knew her way around here, she wasn't psychic, unless that was a side effect of her little gate trip. This could be an alternate reality; therefore the familiarity wasn't so far fetched.
She walked back to her room and into the bathroom. She wanted to splash some water on her face to clear her mind a bit. She stood over the sink and turned on the tap, rinsed her face a bit and grabbed for a towel. Out of habit, as she dried her face she checked herself in the mirror, and then she gasped.
She looked like she was about ten years younger. She stared at herself, touching her face. She was totally baffled. But then slowly the pieces started to fit. This place, this situation, it was familiar because she actually remembered it. She ran to find someone, just to ask the date. The first person she found confirmed her suspicions, she had gotten the month and day right before she stepped through the gate, but the year was now 1994, not 2004.
She had done it! She was right! Her joy though soon gave way to apprehension. This was 1994; she didn't join the Stargate Program until 1996. In 1994 they had just begun work on the Stargate project. Daniel wasn't even a part of it yet. Neither was Jack. JACK!! In 1994 Charlie was still alive! She could do something about his death, she could stop it. But wait, no, she couldn't. Any minor change she induced could alter the future irreparably. Jack would never get involved with the SGC if Charlie were still alive, and without Jack she knew that the program would flounder. The Goauld would eventually come to an Earth that was completely defenseless. But at the same time how could she allow Jack to suffer that way. She knew how it had nearly killed him. No, she decided, she would intervene. She would still join the SGC, she could help the program, and because of her "experience" with the future, maybe she could help Earth win.
She had to deal with her current situation however. If she was remembering correctly, the reason she was in the hospital was because she was playing football with some of the guys on the base. During the game she was tackled a few times, the last of which left her with a sprained wrist and a mild concussion. "That explains the head and wrist pain" she said to no one in particular. "Ok, what else was I doing ten years ago?" Talking out loud had suddenly become comforting. Now that she knew Jack was alive, she felt alive. Then it dawned on her, "Sara" her stomach dropped as she said her name. Jack was still married, and oh no! Ten years ago she was still with that creep Jonas. "Well that I'm definitely going to have to change immediately." It was still the middle of the night, so "immediately" would have to at least wait until the morning.
**
Jack woke up uncomfortable. It seemed to be a theme lately though. He had the oddest dream. He couldn't remember much about it except for a very beautiful blonde woman. She was talking to him, calling him "Sir." As he turned to get up, he came face to face with his seven year old son.
"Why are you on the couch again Daddy?" he asked.
"Mommy wanted to be alone tonight Charlie, she had a rough day. I didn't want to bother her." Ok, so he wasn't being honest. He'd been on the couch practically every night since his return from Iraq, not that things were so great before he had left. Basically Sara felt like her life was over. She was a mother that couldn't pursue her own interests because of her responsibility to her son, and she resented both Jack and Charlie for it.
When Charlie didn't say anything else, Jack told him to go back to bed. The truth of the matter was that the only reason Jack was still around was because of Charlie. It wouldn't be fair to him to have to grow up without his parents together. He couldn't leave, no matter how much it hurt to be shut out. He was at a point where although he loved his wife because she was the mother of his son, he didn't really think that he was IN love with her anymore, or if he ever was.
Two days before, Sara had served him with divorce papers. He had pleaded with her to reconsider, for Charlie's sake. That really didn't go a long way in convincing her, so he told her that if they were to get a divorce, their current situation would put Charlie in her custody primarily. She knew she wasn't ready for that, so she told Jack not to sign the papers. It bothered him that Sara didn't want Charlie. Maybe that wasn't true. He knew deep down that she loved Charlie; it was just that her goals and dreams were squashed because of the timing of it all.
In three days there was some sort of party at the base, he didn't really know what it was for but his best friend, Tom Martin, was insistent that he go. Marty, as he was called, because there were so many `Toms' around, was also a Colonel, a bit older than Jack, and a confirmed bachelor. He knew that Jack's home life wasn't exactly pleasant so he tried to get the guy out of the house as often as he could. He even promised Jack that his sister would watch Charlie for the night, and he could pick him up in the afternoon the next day. Jack had no other excuses, he knew Sara definitely wouldn't mind, she could barely stand him as it was.
**
Sam called Jonas the next day, in the afternoon. She told him that things weren't working out and that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now, that she wanted to concentrate on her career. She tried to let him down as gently as possible; she knew he had a volatile temperament. Shockingly enough, he didn't seem all that upset about the whole situation; he even wished her well.
She was released from the hospital that evening, after being checked repeatedly and swearing to never play tackle football with the guys and beat them so badly they felt the need to retaliate. Of course she had her fingers crossed the whole time.
She made her way back to her quarters slowly, trying to remember exactly where everything was on this base. When she reached her door she found that there were a few "get well" cards stuck to it, mostly from the guys she was playing with when she got hurt. In one of the cards was a scribbled invitation to some kind of party in two days. She remembered it. She hadn't gone the last time because of Jonas. She was on a date or something that night. She decided she would think about it. Parties were never really her thing, especially when it was a welcoming party for the new recruits. All that basically meant was lots of alcohol and flirting. She wasn't really into that at all at the moment. Besides, she had bigger fish to fry. She had to find Jack. She had to warn him about Charlie.
Finding Jack was going to be difficult. She really didn't know much about this time in his life. She tried looking up his Air Force record to see where he was stationed now but that was hopeless. Jack was Black Ops. His record was basically blank. She had only just made Captain and had really no pull whatsoever. She knew Jack was a Colonel now, she knew he was in Iraq recently, but should be back in the country, she knew that he and Sara were still married and that Charlie was seven. All in all, she really didn't know much that would help her find him. An idea popped into her head. If she went to this party, or whatever it was, she could ask around. He had to have enough of a reputation that someone would know where he is, or was. If she could find a starting point she had a good chance of finding him. The party was Saturday night, two days from today. If she couldn't drum up enough information about Jack before then, she would go and do some interrogating there.
**
Jack was bored. This party was horrible. It seemed like the entire Air Force was there, crammed into the too small mess hall. He wanted to go home and sleep the rest of the weekend away. This week was bad for him. Sara threatened to move out, served him with divorce papers, threatened to throw him out, and hadn't spoken a word to him or Charlie for three days now. ****What a mess!**** he thought to himself, although he could have said that out loud, he wasn't too sure. Marty hadn't left his side the whole night. Jack guessed it was because he thought he would make a run for the exit. That was probably true. Just then there was some shuffling near the entrance then the sea of people parted to allow this person to come through.
**
****Wow, there are a lot of people here.**** Sam was a bit late, she didn't really want to come, but she had to try to get some info about Jack. She decided to get something to drink and then start asking around. No reason to start questioning people just as she walked into the place. She was going to get enough strange looks as it was. She walked toward the make-shift bar in the corner of the room. As she moved, she started to get the feeling that she was being watched. She started to scan the area, and then turned, and saw Jonas. He was drunk, she was certain. He was staggering toward her, she saw hate in his eyes.
**
Jack watched as one of the most striking people he had ever seen; walk a bit nervously toward the bar. She was beautiful. Just looking at her was making him weak in the knees. His mouth must have been open because Marty said "Are you trying to catch flies Jack? Why don't you go talk to her, rather than just stare. You're starting to freak people out."
Jack quickly closed his mouth and stopped staring. He turned to his companion, "What?"
"Look, just because you're married, unhappily might I add, doesn't mean you can't be social. She's pretty, young, and I heard somewhere that she's really smart. Go talk to her."
He turned from Marty back toward her. He saw someone stumbling behind her. He looked angry and inebriated. The guy looked like he was going to try something. Out of nowhere Jack found he had an urge to protect her. He left Marty and started moving toward them.
**
"You bitch." Jonas hissed.
"Jonas, you've had a lot to drink. Take it easy."
Just then he lunged at her, but Sam (at least future Sam) was level 3 Advanced in hand to hand combat, and easily ducked out of his way. He fell forward, into the bar. She didn't want to hurt him, but was starting to think it might come to that. He slowly got back to his feet with rage in his eyes. As he tried to go after her again, someone stepped from behind her and easily dropped him to the floor and jumped on top of him, trying to subdue him.
Sam wasn't sure if she was grateful, or annoyed. She could take care of herself, and, being surrounded by practically everyone on the base, she should have, but her wrist still hurt like hell and it was bandaged.
"See that this guy sleeps it off." her "rescuer" called out. Two men went over and started to pick Jonas up and escort him out of the mess. Sam couldn't see his face, but his voice sounded familiar, too familiar. ****It can't be.****
He rose from the floor, turned around and asked "Are you all right?"
Sam felt like she was hit by lightening. She felt like she died, or was born, or something equally traumatic. It was Jack! She found him, well he found her. He looked so much younger! His hair was still short but brown and his face wasn't marred by years of depression and guilt. She wanted to grab him, pull his head down and kiss him with everything she had left in her, but all she could do was stare at him. She felt her eyes tearing up and was struggling not to cry out her relief. He was alive! She found him! She did it!
When she didn't respond, Jack thought she was hurt. She looked like she was about to cry. Jack really didn't want that to happen. He realized that practically everyone in the room was watching them. "Ok everyone, show's over. Go back to what you were doing. We're going to have to break this party up soon anyway." He couldn't look away from her as he shouted to the room. He was staring into her tear-filled eyes, and she was staring right back.
"Why don't you walk her back to her quarters Jack," Marty whispered into his ear. He had made his way over after Jack had thrown her assailant down. "Make sure she gets there okay. I'll take care of things here." Jack nodded, still staring. Slowly he started moving toward the exit. Marty smiled as he watched them. He knew that Jack could always control his emotions well, he had to. To actually see his emotional reaction was rare. He knew that there was some definite potential here; he just hoped Jack wasn't too stubborn to let things happen.
**
When they finally got outside, Jack stopped and turned to look again at her. He didn't even know her name, but he felt this strange and strong connection to her. "Are you hurt?" he asked gently.
"No Sir, he didn't hurt me, I'm fine." Sam answered, finally finding her voice. "Respectfully Sir, I can take care of myself, I could have handled the situation." Just as Jack was getting irritated at her words she added, "But thank you Sir. I sprained my wrist a few days ago. I appreciated the help."
"You're welcome." Jack wondered how this person knew that he outranked her. He knew nothing about her except the fact that she is Air Force, and that she was captivating. ****Woah, where did that come from?**** He only knew her for a few minutes, he didn't even know her name, and already she was `captivating.' He decided that he needed to find out who she was. He wanted to be as smooth as possible in asking her, but she had him totally off balance, so he just out right said, "Uhmm… What's you're name? And how do you know I outrank you?" She smiled at that, his breath caught. He realized that he wanted her to keep smiling, now that he saw the way it lit up her face.
"Sir, my name is Captain Samantha Carter. You are Colonel Jonathon O'Neill, Sir." She figured she should use his full name. She didn't know what he used at this point in his life, and besides, there were files, word of mouth, etcetera that could explain the knowledge.
"Carter? As in General Jacob Carter?"
"He's my father, Sir"
"Do you think we can drop the ranks for now? We're definitely off duty at the moment, and you're not in my chain of command. So, do you think you can drop the `Sir' and call me Jack?" She smiled at him and again his breathing faltered. ****Easy there Jack, no reason to get all excited just because she's smiling at you.****
"Ok, Jack," she said, emphasizing his name just a bit. "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself, I can see you're married, do you have any kids?" Sam was trying to get to Charlie. She couldn't very well tell Jack that his son was going to have an accident if she didn't know he had a son.
"How do you know that I'm married?" He said it all wrong and he knew it. Obviously she was smart, she figured it out somehow and he came off as if he wanted to hide the fact that he was married, albeit unhappily.
"You have a tan line on your left hand."
"Oh, yeah, that's right." He blushed just a bit, although not really sure why.
"I'm sorry Sir, that was a little forward of me, I…"
He stopped her by tugging on her arm. His hand slipped down until it was entwined with hers (thankfully it wasn't the hand that was bandaged). The small tug was enough to turn her, and now they were face to face, and she was the one blushing.
"It's Jack remember Sam?" He looked at her while he said her name, making sure she was okay with it. "And yes, I have a son, his name is Charlie, and he's seven, although somehow I think you knew that already." She smiled at him again. He was still holding her hand. He knew he should let go, but he really didn't want to. He felt a connection, and touching her was grounding him. But, after a short awkward silence he dropped her hand and continued walking in the direction of the on-base quarters.
As they neared the dormitories Jack realized that he would probably have to say goodnight, and maybe even goodbye to Sam soon. He knew that it really shouldn't matter, but for some reason it did. He wanted to find out more about her. He knew she was General Carter's daughter, and that she could kick some ass if she needed to, but that's all. He found himself wondering what she liked, and wondering if she liked him. He genuinely wanted to `hang out' with her. But just as he was trying to figure out a way to get her stay out with him, they reached her door.
"This is me," she said. "Thanks for walking me back, and thank you for helping me with Jonas."
"Ah, so he has a name. You know him?"
"Yeah. We were seeing each other for a while. I broke it off a few days ago. I guess he didn't take it too well."
****So, she'll date other officers. Wait, what am I thinking? C'mon Jack, get a grip.****
She watched as a strange expression came over him. It looked something like indecision, but Jack was never hesitant, he was always a confident soldier, ****at least the future Jack was**** and now he had her wondering what was bothering him. So, even though she knew it was a bad idea, he was still married after all, ****And will probably stay that way because I'm going to make sure Charlie lives****, she asked:
"I'm feeling much better now, but I really don't want to go to bed. Would you want to go and maybe get a cup of coffee?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth she started to over-think what she said. ****Great, now I've done it. I don't even think the future Jack would agree to that. It sounds like I just asked him out. OH GOD! I asked out a married man!****
"Only if it doesn't come from the commissary."
She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. "What?"
Jack laughed a little and repeated, "I said, `only if it doesn't come from the commissary.'" She still looked confused, so Jack continued, "I hate the coffee from the commissary. It tastes like mud. I know a place not too far from here, we can walk."
**
They ended up getting coffee `to go,' and took a walk. It was starting to get colder out and Sam wasn't wearing a jacket. Just as she was about to suggest that they start to head back, Jack shrugged his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"It's getting a little cool out here." He said. She looked up at him, a little amazed that he read her so well, but thankful for his warm jacket. She wrapped it tightly around her and inhaled. ****Yep, same Jack smell.**** Suddenly she didn't feel so well. It just occurred to her that now Jack was more `off-limits' than ever, and he always would be. Her stomach plummeted faster than a bowling ball dropped from a tenth story window.
Her sudden small frown worried him. He was trying to be a gentleman by giving her his jacket. He could see she was shivering. ****Ok, maybe I like the idea of her wearing my clothes, but am I making her uncomfortable?****
Soon they found themselves in a park. Around a bend in the path there was a bench next to a stone wall. The way it was situated blocked a lot of the wind, and Sam found that when she sat there she was considerably warmer. Jack sat next to her, close enough for their shoulders to touch.
"Tell me about your family."
He was a little surprised by her request, but conceded and started telling her about Charlie. Charlie was his world. He could talk about him for hours. After a while though, he started thinking that maybe he was boring her, he stopped and apologized for being so long winded.
"No, don't stop. I like hearing about your son. He sounds like a great kid."
"Thanks, he is." He smiled.
"You haven't said much about your wife though." ****Yeah Sam, rub salt in the wound. You know you can't have him. Why do you want to know about the one person who can?**** She tried to convince herself that she only wanted to know so that it would be easier for her to be sure Charlie was kept safe, but deep down she knew that she had asked because she needed to know what it was like to have this man's attention.
Jack paused. He felt so connected to her that he wanted to tell her everything, how he had gotten married because of Charlie, and how his wife resented them both. How she filed for divorce and he begged her not to leave him, for Charlie's sake. He just didn't know if it was wise to lay out his problems to someone he only knew for a few hours, never mind the fact that this person was doing strange and wonderful things to his insides.
"I'm sorry Jack, I guess that came out wrong."
"No, no it's fine. It's just that…" ****How do I say this without her taking it as a pick up line?**** "Look Sam, I'm going to tell you this, not because I want you to feel badly for me, but because, well, we're friends now, and you asked."
He took a deep breath and related his whole marital situation to her. She stared at him in rapt fascination as he relayed his tale of sorrow. When he finished he looked so hurt and alone that she had tears in her eyes and was aching inside. She wondered how he could have endured his wife's total indifference and the self imposed guilt for Charlie not having a `real family.'
When she didn't say anything after he had finished, he looked away, embarrassed. ****Ok, maybe that was a bad idea. But after carrying that around for so long, it kind of felt good to get it off my chest.**** At that point his train of thought halted because she grabbed him and pulled him into a fierce hug. Jack was confused at first but soon wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. A thought surfaced in his mind that she smelled good and faintly familiar, almost like a half remembered dream.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered. ****Now I can't let him go! I knew this was a bad idea.**** She was snuggled against his chest, listening to his heart beat, and holding on to him so tightly she was sure she was strangling him. He didn't seem to mind though, and when he made no movement to push her away, she relaxed a bit and closed her eyes. She always knew that if she ever had him in her arms, she'd have to be pried off.
**
When Jack woke up his back was aching and his legs were cold, but his chest was warm. It wasn't an altogether strange feeling, he usually slept sitting up, because it was the only way to get comfortable in the chair in his living room. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, he wasn't really ready to face another day of conflict with his wife, but he needed to stretch his back out. He knew that he probably would be sore all day anyway, it became a sort of tradition for him; he'd spent so much time sleeping on his couch, or in his chair, that his back was always a mess in the morning.
He moved a bit, as slowly as he could, trying not to stress his already abused back but stopped immediately when he heard a small sigh. He knew instantly that this sigh did not come from Charlie, who he sometimes let sleep with him when he had a bad dream. No, this sigh was distinctly feminine, and he knew, with absolute certainty, that it did not come from his wife!
Snapping his eyes open Jack saw that he was still in the park, on the bench. ****Well, that explains the aching back and cold legs.**** He looked down to see Sam Carter, the woman he had met the night before, daughter of General Jacob Carter, sleeping peacefully on top of him. ****Woah! And that explains the warm chest!**** Her lips were slightly parted and she was breathing deeply. He felt an almost overwhelming urge to kiss her right there, but somehow managed to fight it and just watched her as she slept, all the while knowing that he should probably wake her, but he just couldn't bring himself to yet. He shifted slightly, easing some of the pressure on his back, and closed his eyes again as he wrapped his arms around her. She sighed contentedly at this, and burrowed further into his chest, clearly very comfortable, and not ready to wake up yet.
**
Sam woke up slowly, close to an hour later. She slowly lifted her head and realized where she was. ****OH MY GOD! This is so not right. I can't believe I slept out here all night with him!**** Then, she pushed off Jack's chest, effectively waking him, jumped to the other side of the bench, and buried her face in her hands.
"I'm so sorry Sir."
"What's wrong?"
"I didn't mean for this to happen Sir."
"Mean for what to happen? Nothing happened."
She moved further from him. ****God, why did I have to do this? Why couldn't I just go home last night, why did I feel the need to stay out with him?**** "Sir," she said meekly, "do you know what time it is?"
"It's around 0700 hours. Are you on duty today?"
"No Sir, I'm on medical leave until Monday afternoon."
"What a coincidence, I'm on duty Monday afternoon too." He paused for a beat, then continued, "Well then *Sam,*" he emphasized her name, hoping that she would understand that everything was okay, "I think we should go get some breakfast."
****He's not upset with me? Did I miss something?****
When she didn't respond, he grabbed her hand and pulled her off the bench and led her toward the park exit. As they reached the gate she pulled her hand away "I think I'd better be getting back to the base Sir."
"Why must you call me that?"
"Call you what Sir."
"There you go again. Is my name so terrible?"
"Of course not Sir."
"Of course not *Jack*"
"Of course not JACK." She stressed his name, and it made him smile, which melted her. ****Wow, he's got a great smile. I guess I knew that already. But he's different now, more open, less guarded.****
"Okay, if you want to go back to base, that's fine. I'll walk you there."
**
He found himself at Tom Martin's house after he had walked Sam back to her quarters. He had to pick up Charlie, but that wasn't until much later in the day, so under the pretense that he wanted to know how things wrapped up the night before, he knocked on his friend's door. It was still early, only around 0830 hours but Jack knew that Marty was up since the crack of dawn.
Marty opened the door and invited Jack in, not entirely surprised to see him. He was more shocked that Jack was trying to hide a smile, and failing miserably. He eyed his friend, trying to ascertain the reason for his good mood. ****Hmmm… I know he left with that Captain last night, I wonder if that's the reason he's so chipper today. He looks like he's walking on clouds. Now I know Jack would never cheat on his wife, although *I* wouldn't blame him if he did at this point, but he's in such a good mood. If this Captain is the reason for it, I've got to make sure he starts seeing her more.**** Marty smirked at Jack and mumbled something under his breath that his friend couldn't hear.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Yeah right, c'mon Marty, what's that look for?"
"What look?"
"Don't do that to me Marty. You're looking at me like you know something."
Marty walked into his kitchen room and motioned for Jack to have a seat. "You have breakfast yet?"
"Nah, you?"
"Nope, working on it right now. Stick around, have something to eat." Marty moved over to the stove where he had something cooking.
"You have any orange juice?"
"It's in the fridge, help yourself. But I have to warn you, I drink out of the container and I backwash"
"Yeah right." Jack laughed and walked over to the counter and got a glass. Just to be safe, he took an unopened carton of orange juice out of the refrigerator, poured, and sat back down, leaving the carton on the table. "How'd the party wrap up last night?"
"Oh, not too bad, and pretty early, no other outbursts." Marty figured he'd try his luck and ask him about the woman he told him to walk home. "So, you walked that Captain home?"
"Yeah."
"Does she have a name?"
"Sam Carter."
"Ooooh… Carter as in General Carter?"
"His daughter."
"Geez… It might be tough to get permission from ol' Jake."
"Permission for what?" Jack raised his glass to his lips and started to take a sip.
"To date her of course."
Jack was so shocked that he swallowed his juice all wrong and started coughing and sputtering while Marty stood at the stove and laughed.
"Marty you're insane, I'm married."
"You are not married."
"Yes I am."
"Ok, technically you are married, but riddle me this Batman, how long has it been since you *felt* married?" Whenever Marty felt like he had Jack right where he wanted him, he used the `riddle me this' that the Riddler used on the old Batman TV show.
"I've never felt more married than I did this morning." Jack said with a sigh.
"Aha! I knew there was a reason you were here!"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh stop with the stupid act! I know you too well for that. Something happened between you and her and now you want to talk to me about it."
Jack looked down, embarrassed.
"Did you kiss her?"
"What? No!"
"Maybe you should have."
"Marty I'm married."
"Only because you haven't divorced the bitch yet."
"She's not a bitch."
"Yes she is."
"Is not!"
"Is so!"
"Is not!"
"Is so!"
"Is N---"
"Jack stop! You can't lie to me. I know she's the mother of your son, and for that you will always love her in one way or another but let's not kid ourselves here. You're not *in* love with her, and she can barely stand you."
Jack sighed, "You're right."
"I know," he paused. "Now tell me what happened with Captain Carter."
Jack looked down again, "I don't know what's going on. I just looked at Sam at the party–"
"Oh it's *Sam* now is it Colonel?"
"Marty, she's not under my command and we were off duty."
"That's true, but I don't ever recall you being so informal with any other subordinate. Usually it's `Major' this or `Lieutenant' that."
"I knew you were gonna give me a hard time with this." Jack looked up and Marty was smiling at him.
"All right, I promise I'll be good."
Jack rolled his eyes, but then continued. "When I saw her at the party, I felt… I don't even know how I felt… I've never felt like that before. It was like all the air rushed out of my lungs, and my stomach was doing something strange, I almost felt sick. But it wasn't an entirely bad feeling."
Marty felt like he was talking to a teenager with his first crush. Jack was almost 40 years old. ****Could it be that he's never been in love before?****
"It felt like I knew her forever. Like we had met before."
"Oh boy."
"What?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, it's nothing… Go on."
Jack looked at him suspiciously but continued anyway. He told him everything, from walking her from the party, to getting coffee, to the park. He stumbled at that point, and looked down, unsure if he should keep going.
"So you're at the park."
"Yeah."
"Then what?"
"She was cold."
"Yeah, you told me that, you gave her your jacket."
"Yeah."
"Jack."
"What?"
"What happened at the park?"
"Nothing happened!" He was getting defensive, and not looking at Marty.
"Jack, I can't help you if you won't tell me what happened." Marty looked his friend over. He noticed something he hadn't before. "Oh wait a minute…" Jack looked up. "You're still wearing the same clothes as last night, AND you don't have your jacket! Spill it Jack! Don't make me make it an order."
"You can't order me around, we're the same rank!"
"Yes, but I'm also a doctor, I could declare you medically unfit."
"You're a Chiropractor!"
"Doesn't matter! Stop changing the subject and SPILL!"
"I slept with her."
"WHAT? I thought you said nothing happened!" Marty's eyes were bugging out of his head.
"No! Not like that. I told her about Sara, I told her everything, she felt bad for me and hugged me, we fell asleep like that."
"Where?"
"On a bench."
"In the park?"
Jack nodded.
"Then what?"
"Then nothing. I walked her back to her quarters this morning and then I came here."
"And that's it?"
"That's it."
"You going to see her again?"
"I'm sure, you know, around the base and all."
"That's not what I mean Jack."
"I know. But look, I'm married, yeah maybe I'm not really all that happy with the situation, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't do that to my son, he's too important to me. So even though I'd love to see her again, I can't." Jack fell back against his chair. He looked frustrated and confused, but there was still that underlying happiness in him that Marty saw when he walked into his house earlier.
Marty shut the stove off and started to serve breakfast. ****Maybe I should tell him that people get divorced all the time and that generally the children that come from these broken marriages turn out all right, especially when one of their parents loves them as much as he loves his son. But I know Jack, and I know he's stubborn. He's already decided to be miserable and I don't think that I could change his mind, but maybe Sam Carter can.****
Jack hung around until mid morning and then Marty went with him to pick up Charlie. It was a little earlier than he had planned but he and Charlie had plans to go to the zoo today. Charlie asked Marty if he wanted to come, Marty said he would think about it. When Jack got home he found that his parents had called him and asked if they could pick up Charlie the next morning and have him stay with them for the rest of the week. Charlie was Jack's only company most of the time so he was reluctant to let him go to his parents' house; that would leave him all alone with his wife. He decided he would think about it. Charlie hadn't seen his grandparents in a while.
**
At around noon Sam heard a knock on the door. Actually it was a very loud banging on her door but she figured that was probably because she had slept through the initial softer pounding.
"All right, all right, I'm coming."
She opened the door to find Colonel Thomas Martin standing there. After an initial moment of shock, she snapped to attention and saluted. Marty stifled his laugh, and returned the salute.
"Good morning Captain, at ease."
"Sir, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"
Sam was still being very formal, not only in her address, but in her movements. Marty thought she was very cute. She was half asleep but trying to function in the most military way possible. ****She's not really good at this `at ease' thing.****
"The reason I'm here is because of a friend of mine."
"Sir?"
"Relax Captain, and you can call me Marty, everyone else does." She nodded and he continued. "You see Jack O'Neill is a good friend of mine---"
"Sir, I can explain. It's not---"
"RELAX Captain. Can I call you Sam?"
She hesitated a before responding, "Of course Sir."
"Marty"
"Right, Marty."
"Sam, Jack O'Neill is a good friend of mine…" She was about to interrupt again but Marty stopped her. "Stop! Stop! Save all comments until the end." She laughed a little at that and sat down at the small table in the room and motioned for him to proceed. He sat as well and continued. "Look, I know there's something going on with you and Jack." Sam's eyes went wide but she stayed quiet. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. In fact, I think it's a very good thing. Jack came over to my house this morning and told me about what happened last night. Although I had to drag it out of him. Anyway, he looked happy this morning. Happier than I've seen him since I know him, and I know him a long time. Now, either he was high on something, or high on someONE, and I know Jack's not into substances so I'm betting it's you."
Sam blushed and waited for him to go on. When he didn't she guessed that she could speak now. "I don't think so. There could be a lot of other reasons for Colonel O'Neill's apparent good mood. I don't think it has anything to do with me Sir, I barely know him."
"So it's `Colonel O'Neill' now not `Jack.'"
"Yes Sir, I think that's best."
"Ok, I'll make a deal with you. Come to the zoo with me today, and if you still feel the same way, I won't bother you anymore."
"The zoo Sir?" She was confused, but interested.
"Yes, the zoo. Oh! And one more thing, no more `Sirs!' It's Marty."
****What have I got to lose? And if nothing else, maybe I can get *Marty* to help me prevent Charlie's accident.**** "What time?"
"Then you agree?"
"Yes, what time *Marty*?"
"You've got 15 minutes. I'll be outside." With that he walked into the hallway.
While he waited for Sam to get ready, he called Jack and asked him when he and Charlie were leaving. He told Jack that he would meet up with him there; he left out the part about Sam coming with him. They decided to meet near the small restaurant near the zoo's entrance and eat lunch before they started to walk around.
**
"Why the zoo?" Sam asked.
"I like the zoo."
"Okay…"
They got to the restaurant before Jack and Charlie. "Let's stop here for a while."
"Why? Are you hungry?"
"Not yet."
Sam was puzzled. "Then why are we waiting here?"
"I'm gathering my strength."
Marty smiled at her. She knew something was up. Just then a familiar looking boy bounded up to Marty and hugged him. "Uncle Marty!"
"Hiya Charlie!"
Realization started to dawn on Sam. ****I've been set up!**** Suddenly Sam felt tears threaten to fall. Charlie was so full of life. He was a beautiful little boy. She was more determined than ever to keep him safe.
"Dad says he'll be here in a minute. He stopped to get a map of the zoo."
"Charlie I want you to meet someone." Marty pushed Sam toward Charlie a bit. "Charlie O'Neill, this is Sam Carter. She's a friend of your dad's."
Charlie stuck his hand out. She took it and was amused to find he had a very firm handshake for a seven year old. "It's very nice to meet you Charlie."
"The pleasure is all mine ma'am." He said with a slight bow.
She couldn't help but laugh at that. ****He's just as charming as Jack can be when he wants to.**** No sooner had that thought crossed her mind than the man himself appeared in the doorway. ****Speak of the devil.**** As soon as she laid eyes on him, she blushed and turned away. Marty laughed to himself and Charlie caught his snicker. "What is it uncle Marty?"
"I'll tell you when you're older."
Jack was in the doorway looking around trying to find his son and Marty. There was no containing Charlie's excitement so Jack let him run off into the restaurant. He was running a bit late but he knew that Marty was always punctual and he probably already had a table waiting for them. He caught sight of Marty and started to make his way over to him.
"Beat ya"
"Yeah, I know, as usual. But you try and get a seven year old out of the house in a half hour."
"Dad, I was ready, you were the one day-dreaming all morning!"
"Charlie!"
"You shoulda seen him Uncle Marty, he looked like he just came home from winning a championship hockey game!"
"I know Charlie, I saw him this morning before he picked you up. I hope you don't mind Jack, but I brought a friend with me." Jack looked puzzled. It was unusual for Marty to bring anyone with him. "I think you know her." Jack didn't see anyone with Marty, but just as he was about to say that, Marty pulled someone out from behind him. She looked suspiciously like she was trying to hide behind the man. "Sam, I think you know Jack."
"Hi Sir." Sam said looking very embarrassed.
Marty was the first to catch her formality. "No no no Captain. No `sirs' today, that's an order." ****Maybe that will get through to her.****
Jack's face lit up when he saw her. Charlie tugged on Marty's arm until he crouched down so that Charlie could whisper in his ear. "That's the look uncle Marty. He's been smiling like that all morning. I've never seen Dad smile like that before." Marty grinned at him and then stood up again and took Charlie toward the seating area.
"Why are you here?" Jack asked. ****MY GOD! DO I HAVE NO SOCIAL SKILS AT ALL? She's going to think I don't want her to be here.**** "That's not what I mean. It's just that I didn't expect you to be here. I mean... Wow, this is all coming out wrong. Let me try that again?"
"Ok." Sam smiled as she nodded to him, still embarrassed, but happy to see him again.
"Ok, how's this: I'm glad you're here."
She smiled at him and replied, "Marty knocked on my door this morning, well, I guess actually this afternoon, and asked me to come along Sir."
"So you've met him before?"
"No Sir, just this morning. I don't even know how he knew where to find me, never mind who I am."
"See now that's not fair."
"What isn't fair Sir?"
"Well, you just met Marty this morning and you've already dropped the `sir.' You've known me since last night and I don't get the same treatment. I think I'm jealous." He actually looked a little hurt, but Sam knew him too well. He was just playing it up, looking for sympathy.
"Ok, ok you can stop with the kicked puppy look."
"You'll drop the `sir'?"
"Yes Jack, I'll drop it."
"Good, now come on. I want you to meet my son."
**
By the end of the day Charlie was getting very tired. Apparently he had a late night. Marty's sister let him stay up to watch the "Nightmare on Elm Street" marathon. Jack was carrying Charlie on his back by the time they got to the exit of the zoo. As they were about to part company, Marty started to execute his plan.
"Hey Jack, gimmie him."
"Why?"
"Because he's the closest thing I've got to a nephew and I want to spend some time with him." This was true, his sister had only daughters.
"He's half asleep Marty."
"So much the better! This way I can spend time with him and he won't complain about what TV shows I watch." He moved closer to Jack and whispered, "Besides, don't you want to spend more time with a certain tall blonde?"
"Marty…"
"Dad, I want to stay with uncle Marty."
"See, that settles it, the kid wants to come with me." He took Charlie from Jack's shoulders and smirked at Jack. "Now, go have fun, doctor's orders."
Jack sighed and stopped walking. "Ok, I'll see you guys later, but not too much later."
"Whatever Jack!"
"Be good Charlie! Remember, you've got school tomorrow!"
"Whatever Dad!"
****Oh boy, now he's starting to act like Marty too.**** He turned away from them and started to look for Sam. ****Ok, where did Sam run off too?**** He caught sight of her back by the gate and started moving toward her."
**
"How'd I do uncle Marty?"
"I'd say you deserve an academy award for the sleeping performance."
"Eh, it was nothing. I'm better at acting sick though. It gets me out of school."
Marty had to laugh at that but at least he knew for sure that his suspicions were correct about Jack and Sam. There was definitely something there, he was hoping that Charlie had seen it too, not that he would be able to recognize it, but the kid was perceptive, maybe he now had an accomplice.
"Charlie, what do you think of Sam?"
"What do you mean?"
****Oh yeah, I'm talking to a seven year old.**** "I mean, do you like Sam? Do you think she's nice?"
"I like her a lot. She's real nice and real smart."
****Now to enlist his help.**** "Charlie, would you want to help me with a mission?"
Charlie's eyes lit up, but he had heard this line before, usually it was something boring and meant to keep him out of trouble, so he asked, "What kind of mission?"
"Well, here's the thing, I think your dad likes Sam a lot, and I think that Sam likes your dad a lot too."
"Anyone can see that."
****Anyone eh? Not either of them.**** "Charlie the problem is that when you get older you can't really see things too clearly."
"Yeah, that's why people wear glasses, but you don't have to be old for that to happen. There's a kid in my school that has glasses and he's only eight."
****Oh boy, was *I* this naïve at seven? Yeah, probably.**** "You're right Charlie, but that's not really what I meant. What I mean is that I can see that Sam likes your dad, and you can see it, but I don't think your dad can see it. The same thing is true with Sam." Charlie looked surprised. "So, here's where the mission comes in."
"You want me to tell my dad that he likes Sam and that she likes him back?"
"Not exactly, it will work better if they figure it out on their own. We're going to *help* them figure it out though."
"Ok, how do we do that?"
"We started to do it today. You pretended to fall asleep so that we would leave the zoo, and then you said you wanted to come with me. That gave the two of them some more time to hang out together."
"Oh, I think I get it. You're gonna tell me to do stuff and I do it and that's gonna make my dad figure it out."
"You're a smart kid Charlie."
**
Jack fought the small crowd to get back to Sam at the gate. She was sitting on a bench looking a bit depressed. "What's wrong Sam?"
"Huh? Oh nothing, I was just thinking."
"Anything in particular?"
"Charlie's a great kid."
"And that's bothering you?"
"No, not at all. I'm not upset, just thinking." Sam was really trying to figure out how to get closer to Charlie and not upset his `family' situation, or whatever it was. The little boy seemed happy, but there was a certain sadness behind his eyes. Sam was attributing it to his mother's indifference. The real reason for her melancholy mood was that she was starting to fall as much in love with the son as she was with the father and while the father was totally off limits, the son was in definite danger and she was running out of time. "I guess I should be getting back."
"Why?"
"Because it's getting late, and my wrist is still bothering me. I'd like to ice it."
"Then you should have said something. I can take care of your wrist."
"I supposed you won't take `no' for an answer."
"Ummm.. no, I won't" he smiled at her and she realized that she could deny him nothing. "C'mon, my car is over here." He took her hand and started leading her away.
"Wait, where's Charlie?"
"He went with Marty."
"Umm… Jack?"
"Yes?"
"Are you getting the feeling that we're being set up?"
"Maybe, but I'm not complaining."
**
They ended up going back to his house. Sara was with her parents for the weekend and wouldn't return until Monday evening. When they got inside Jack sat her on the couch and went to get some ice for her wrist. He came back with a towel in his hand, and an ice bucket.
He sat down next to her and took her sprained wrist in his hands. He touched her very carefully, almost as if he was afraid she might break. He turned her hand over and grazed the skin on the underside of her wrist with his fingertips. He thought he felt her shiver at his touch. ****Wow, is she reacting to me? I can't believe I'm having an effect on her!**** He put her hand into the ice bucket very carefully and placed the towel over it. She winced a bit at the cold.
"Yeah, I know it's cold, but we'll only leave it in there for a little while. Fifteen minutes, ok?"
He had her hypnotized. She'd agree to anything he asked. She simply nodded and continued to stare at his hand holding the towel over her wrist. If she had lifted her eyes she would have noticed that he was staring at her too and that there was a need in his eyes that was almost tangible. But before she caught it he got off the couch and went back into the kitchen.
"How about a soda?"
"Ok."
****I need to calm down. If I'm not careful I'm going to end up on the wrong end of a harassment suit. I just can't seem to help myself. This is all so strange.**** The real reason that Jack went into the kitchen was to clear his head. His feelings were all turned around and his emotions were very close to the surface. He was so confused because although he had only just met Sam the day before he felt like he had known her for ages. Suddenly a thought jumped up at him. ****I think I'm falling in love with her. No, that's not possible. You don't fall in love in TWO DAYS! But then what's happening to me?**** With that he leaned against the refrigerator, defeated. ****Now what am I going to do?****
Sam heard the door to the bathroom open and then close. ****That's funny… I thought he was going to get something from the kitchen.**** She wasn't exactly upset by the reprieve though. Her reactions to him were so strong, she knew that she wouldn't be able to fight them for long. The night before was almost too much for her to handle. ****I know this is wrong. He's married. But that's not changing the way I feel about him though. I wish it did. This is torture!****
After splashing some water on his face in the bathroom Jack felt much calmer and cooler and not at all like he was about to jump the woman sitting on his couch. "Ok, maybe I feel a little like jumping her, but I can control myself, I think," he said to the mirror.
He made his way back into the kitchen, for the sodas, and then back to the couch where Sam was lost in thought.
"How's your hand feeling?"
She jumped a bit when he spoke, but recovered quickly and then turned to him and smiled. "It feels cold, but doesn't hurt as badly."
"Another five minutes ok?" she nodded. He stood staring at her for an awkward moment, but then suddenly snapped out of it, catching himself. "Here's your soda." He placed the glass on the table in front of her.
"Thanks." She was thanking him for more than the soda. Jack picked up on it.
"Anytime"
Jack then turned on the television ****I need a distraction. I don't want one, but I need one. This is getting hard (no pun intended). I need to touch her! If she keeps looking at me like that I'm going to explode.**
Sam took her hand out of the ice and leaned back against the cushions on the couch. She was sitting very close to Jack and if she just leaned slightly her head would be resting on his shoulder. It seemed as if as the time passed her head was being drawn to his shoulder, and a few times she violently jerked herself away from him.
Jack took this as her starting to fall asleep. He pulled the throw off the back of his couch and wrapped it around her. She smiled at him and he couldn't help himself. He put his arm around her and guided her head to rest on his chest. She sighed and relaxed into him.
**
Jack woke up about an hour later to the sound of his phone ringing. Luckily it was within reach. He picked it up and whispered "Hello."
"Jack, it's Marty."
"Oh, hi. I'll be around to pick up Charlie in a little while."
"No Jack, that's why I'm calling. He wants to stay. I'll take him to school in the morning, what time does he have to be in?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"Can I talk to him?"
Jack heard a rustling on the line and he could swear he heard Marty whisper something to Charlie that sounded like "Remember what I told you."
"Hiya Dad!" Charlie screamed into the phone.
Jack jerked back pulled the phone away from his ear, this disturbed Sam a bit, but she just snuggled closer to him. Now her head was turned upward and he could feel her breath on his neck. ****Easy Jack, talk to your son.****
"Hey Charlie. So, you wanna stay with uncle Marty tonight?"
"Yep!" His excitement was evident.
"You sure buddy? You haven't been home in two days."
"I'm sure Dad! Me and uncle Marty are gonna go see a college hockey game." Then, foreseeing his father's next warning, "Don't worry, I'll be in bed early. I know I have school tomorrow."
Jack laughed and then relented. "Ok Charlie, you can stay, have fun at the hockey game, let me know how it goes."
"Thanks Dad!"
"Put your uncle back on the phone."
"Ok."
"I love you Charlie."
"I love you too Dad." There was more rusting on the line. "Here's uncle Marty."
"What's the verdict Jack?" He already knew that Jack was going to let Charlie stay. He had been listening the whole time Charlie was on the phone, coaching him. Charlie had given him the `thumbs up.'
"Why do I feel like I'm being set up?"
"I don't know what you mean Jack."
"Bullshit!" He was still whispering, but that whisper was definitely louder than his other comments had been."
"Such language Jack, my virgin ears!" He heard Jack snicker.
"Yeah right Marty."
"So how is the captain, Jack?"
"Tired."
"You wore her out already Jack? I'm impressed."
"Why must you torment me?"
"Because it's fun."
"Right." He paused, then continued, "He has to be in at 0800 hours. He's usually asleep by 2100 but he can stay up later if the game runs late. Try to make sure he's sleeping by midnight."
"Not a problem Jack. Have a good time."
"What?"
"Oh, you're starting with the dumb act again. You know that doesn't work with me. But if you really want me to spell it out for you, I will. At least TRY to kiss her before the sun comes up."
"I'm having a problem stopping myself." Jack mumbled.
"I figured."
"I can't believe I said that out loud."
"Be happy Jack, whatever it takes." With that, he hung up the phone. "Nice job Charlie. I think we're getting somewhere." He held his arm up and Charlie gave him a high-five. "C'mon, the game starts in 15 minutes."
**
Jack stared at the phone for a moment after Marty hung up before laying it back in its cradle. He looked down at Sam who was still asleep. Her mouth was slightly open and she was breathing deeply. He heard Marty's voice in his head "Try to kiss her before the sun comes up." ****This is insane! I'm insane!**** He dipped his head slowly until he could feel her breath on his lips. He knew this was a bad idea; that he shouldn't even be thinking about kissing her, but his urges were too strong this time. He angled his head slightly, and looked at her lips. Slowly he ran his gaze upward toward her eyes, taking in all of her features. They were being burned into his brain. He moved closer. He brought a hand to her cheek and gently swept her short hair back behind her ear. She was still sleeping but leaned into his caress and then moved slightly forward, trying even in sleep to get closer to him. Her movement though brushed her lips against his.
The effect on Jack was electric. Having her warm, soft mouth just graze his wasn't enough, so, abandoning his wavering intention to `behave,' he pressed his lips fully against hers. Sam did something totally unexpected, she responded to him. He groaned low in his throat and continued to plunder her lips. He was on fire for her, and no matter how much he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help himself. He never felt like this before.
He wanted to watch her reactions to him, so as he continued to kiss her, he opened his eyes. To his shock, he was staring into hers. He pulled back suddenly and noticed with increasing delight that Sam tried to follow him. He pulled further away. Sam, embarrassed, ducked her head.
"Uhh… I'm sorry, I think." Jack said after he collected himself.
"Maybe I should get going."
Jack wanted to tell her to stay, but he knew that if she did he wouldn't be able to restrain himself from kissing her again, and from the way he felt when he was kissing her, more would definitely follow. So, not trusting himself to actually speak the words to tell her to go, he simply nodded and went into the back of the house to grab his jacket.
Sam was a little disappointed when Jack stood up and left the room. But just as she was telling herself that her leaving was for the best, something caught her eye. On top of the high wooden frame for the television, she saw a small box. For some strange reason she was intrigued by it and reached up to grab it. The lock on the box was broken and when she opened it she found a gun, loaded.
****Oh my God! This is how it happens!**** Quickly and quietly she took the rounds out of the gun and pocketed them. She returned the gun to the box and closed it, replacing the box on top of the frame.
Jack walked back into the room wearing his jacket and swinging his keys. "You ready?"
"Yeah."
**
While driving Jack kept glancing over at Sam, he couldn't keep his eyes off her, which was a very bad thing because traffic was heavy and it had begun to rain steadily. Sam was staring out the window into the darkness and fingering the bullets in her pocket. She hoped that taking the bullets would be enough to save Charlie because she had made up her mind to stay clear of Jack until the Stargate program began. His effect on her was profound, and in her new-found youth, too strong to deny. He was married, even though it was unhappily for the moment, but that could change, and she didn't want to be the one responsible for destroying his family. Besides, he said he was sorry he kissed her. Granted it was probably the best kiss she had ever participated in and for a moment she was sure she had him, but none the less, he had pulled back first and said `sorry.'
Jack finally couldn't take the silence anymore, but more than that, he really wanted to talk to her and make sure that he hadn't overstepped a boundary by kissing her, even though she seemed to enjoy it as much as he did. He pulled over and put the car in park.
"What's wrong?" Sam asked.
"Nothing really, except that you haven't said two words together since we left my house."
"I really don't know what to say."
Jack was losing momentum here, quickly. He decided to go for broke and just play his hand open. "Look Sam, I'm married-"
"I know Jack, and I'm sorry, but *you* kissed *me*-"
"No Sam, I'm not accusing you, I'm trying to explain myself."
She was talking over him and only caught a piece of what he was saying. "What?"
"Sam, let me explain." When she was quiet, he continued, "I'm sorry I kissed you because I put you in an awkward position and the last thing I ever want you to feel around me is uncomfortable. I know I took advantage of you, and I'm really sorry for that. I know that I'm married, it's just that…. How do I explain this? I mean I love my wife but…. God…" He put is head in his hands and sank back in the seat in defeat. ****How do I explain this? How do I explain that all I've wanted to do since I met her is hold her. How can I be married and feel this way? Isn't this not supposed to happen? And what about Charlie? What will he think of me? I can't leave him. Maybe I could take him with me. What am I thinking?****
"I understand Jack."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I get it. You love your wife but you're going through a hard time. You're lonely and you made a mistake and kissed me. I get it." She was angry, he could see it coming off her in waves but it was making him want her even more. Her blatant display of passion was doing amazing things to his insides, and wreaking havoc on his self control. "I think I'll walk the rest of the way *SIR.*" She opened the car door, got out, and started walking away in what was now pouring rain.
She wasn't really angry at him, how could she be? She lost control. She fell in love with him. She never really knew if he loved her, she always just assumed, but that was years in the future. How could she expect him to fall for her in two days? It took her years to finally admit that much to herself. He had every right to love his wife, he was married to her, he had a child with her. She couldn't fault him for that. ****I should never have gone to his house!**** She jammed her hands in the pockets of her jacket and found the bullets. ****Well, if no other good comes from this, I hope at least Charlie is safer for it.****
Jack was a little stunned when Sam jumped out of the car and it took him a few seconds to start after her. She wasn't running, but the rain was making it hard for him to see so he really couldn't move that quickly. It took him a while to catch her.
"Sam! Sam, wait up!"
She ignored him.
"C'mon Sam. Please don't do this. That's not what I meant, you've got it wrong."
Still, she didn't respond. He broke out into a run, hoping that he didn't fall over anything. She didn't slow her pace, but she didn't quicken it either. She figured that if he really wanted to catch her he could, not matter how fast she was moving. When he finally did catch up she stopped, he thought she had tears in her eyes, but it could have just been from the rain.
"Leave me alone Sir, it's okay, really. I understand." She sounded defeated and alone and it broke Jack's heart to know that he was the cause of her pain.
"No Sam, you don't understand. I'm not sure *I* understand it. I'm really not good at these things, but at least let me try. I don't want to hurt you Sam."
"Sir," She stopped him as he took a breath, "I know you don't want to hurt me, I'm sorry, I just feel a little out of control at the moment and I'd rather be alone. Just let me go home." She turned from him and started walking away. He didn't stop her. He stood and let the rain run over him as he watched her until she disappeared into the darkness. When she was gone an even deeper darkness surrounded him and invaded his heart.
After a few minutes that could have been hours, Jack trudged slowly back to his car. Her use of `sir' cut into him like a knife, he felt like his insides had been torn out. When he was kissing her he felt as if his heart had finally learned how to beat, now it was threatening to fall out through his shoes, in little broken pieces.
**
When Marty and Charlie came home from the hockey game, they found Jack sitting on the porch, drenched. Charlie looked up at Marty confused and worried about his father.
"Yeah, I kinda figured this was gonna happen."
"What do you mean? Is my Dad okay?"
"Don't worry about him Charlie, he'll be alright, I think he just needs a good kick in the back side. It' a good thing I'm wearing my pointy boots."
Charlie didn't really understand what that meant, but if Marty said everything was going to be okay, he believed him. Charlie knew enough to go upstairs after saying `hello' to his father and let Marty handle the situation.
Marty walked slowly to the door, eyeing Jack the whole way. ****He screwed it up! I can't believe it… Well, maybe I can believe it, the man is dense when it comes to these things… Time for ol' Marty to pick up the pieces and straighten his ass out again.**** He opened his door and walked in, when Jack didn't follow he walked back out. "Cut the shit Jack and get your ass in here, I'm not fixing your life on my porch in the rain." ****I swear it's like high school all over again with him.**** Without waiting for Jack to move on his own Marty, being a chiropractor and knowing many of the pressure points on the human body, gave Jack what he came to fondly refer to as the `Vulcan neck pinch' and dragged him into the house.
"Let me go!"
"Are you going to act like an adult?"
"You don't understand." Marty pinched harder. "Okay, okay, I'll be good!"
"Good."
Jack was silent.
"Jack, don't make me grab you again."
"All right all right. I just don't know where to start."
"Well how about I start?" Jack was puzzled, but Marty continued, "I know you screwed up, don't know what you did, but I can guarantee it was something trivial and dumb, and judging from the way you look, you've been out in the rain for a while, moping, when what you should have been doing is straightening this mess out with Sam." Jack's mouth was open, he couldn't understand how Marty had figured that out. "And I thought I told you to stop with the open mouth and staring, it's not a good look for you." Jack still said nothing, so Marty went on, "I said I don't know what exactly you did, but I think I can guess. You showed her your wedding pictures."
"No, of course not."
"You told her you're married."
"She already knew that."
"You're gay."
"Marty!"
"Are you ready to tell me yet? Or should I keep going?"
"I kissed her."
"Jack, unless you were really bad at it, I don't think that was the reason. Did you forget how? I was told at one time you were good at it."
"I don't know what happened Marty!"
He looked his friend over and it suddenly occurred to him. "You got scared."
"I did not."
"Did so."
"Did not."
"Jack, I'm not playing this god-damned game with you again."
"Fine, I'll admit it, I got scared." Marty had a smug look on his face. "But if you were there… If it was you… Look, you would have been scared too! I never felt this way before…"
"I'm listening."
Jack sighed, took a moment to clear his head, then charged headlong into his story. "You're right, I screwed up. I pulled away and apologized, she took it all wrong and I couldn't make it better. He paused, and then decided that it was probably better if he started from the beginning. "I leaned in while she was sleeping and all of a sudden her lips were on mine. I opened my eyes when I kissed her and found myself staring into hers. It was the most amazing thing. It overwhelmed me. I was startled, so I pulled back, and apologized. But I swear I was only apologizing because I thought I had taken advantage of her, I'll never be sorry that I kissed her. Then she said she wanted to go home. I didn't want her to leave, but I knew that if she stayed I wouldn't be able to resist her, and if she didn't deny me, I *know* more would have happened, so I took her home. In the car she wouldn't talk to me so I pulled over to figure out what was wrong. I told her again that I was sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt her and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable around me, but that I'm married and-"
"Wait wait wait wait, stop right there." Jack turned to him. "You brought up Sara? What did you say?" He wanted to add `you idiot' but figured that Jack was probably punishing himself enough and didn't need to be called names too.
"I just said that I'm married and that I love my wife…"
"GOD DAMN IT JACK!!" He slammed his hand down for emphasis. "Have you learned nothing? What's wrong with you boy? You can't be that dumb."
"I was being honest!"
"That's a load of shit and you know it! Jack you just out right told me that you just experienced THE greatest kiss of your life, then you tell the poor girl that you're still in love with your wife?"
"I didn't say I was IN love with her."
"Well now that's something, but tell me this Mr. Technicality, how in the hell was she supposed to figure that out?"
"See, that's the thing. I was trying to explain myself, but she wouldn't let me, she just said she understood that I was lonely, and then she got out of the car and started walking back to her quarters, in the rain. I tried to stop her but she just wouldn't listen, and even if she would have, I'm not sure I would have known what to say."
Jack looked down and sighed. Marty started to think and decided to just let Jack have it, even if he wasn't ready for it. Sometimes you just have to point out what's in plain sight.
"Jack, I'm going to tell you something and you're either going to accept it or not, but either way I want you to think about it, and then I want you to talk to Charlie and see what he says." Jack looked up. "You're in love Jack." Jack put his head in his hands again. "You love her and I'm almost certain that she loves you, now you have some choices to make and some things to think about. Please don't jump to any decisions right away. Talk to Charlie, see what he thinks, he's a smart kid and he's hurting as much as you are at home now. Maybe he wants a change too." Jack never looked up. "C'mon, you've had a rough night; you can stay here in the extra room with Charlie. God knows I don't want you on the road in the state you're in."
**
****If this staircase doesn't end soon, I'm going to end up falling back down.**** Jack climbed the stairs slowly, feeling very weak and dizzy. He was queasy and shaking steadily. He reached the top and turned into the hallway, his short but heavy steps eventually brought him into the guestroom where Charlie was already in bed asleep.
Not bothering to get undressed, Jack laid down next to his son on his back and stared at the ceiling. He didn't think he was going to get much sleep that night, too much had gone on during the day. Charlie rolled over because the bed dipped and felt Jack's very wet shirt on his face. He woke up
"Dad?"
"Yeah Charlie, go back to sleep"
"You're all wet." Jack didn't respond, Charlie sat up. "What's the matter Dad?"
"Nothing Charlie, I'm okay."
"I don't believe you."
"You're a smart kid Charlie"
Charlie was quiet for a while and Jack thought that he had gone back to sleep, but then Charlie whispered, "I like Sam a lot."
Jack sighed and the knot in his stomach tightened, he was sure he was going to be sick. "I like her a lot too Charlie." ****I just don't know how much she likes me.****
Charlie rolled over again and Jack heard his breathing even out, this time he was definitely sleeping. Jack just continued to stare up at nothing until Marty walked by and threw some dry clothes at him, telling him to get changed before he killed him using only two fingers on his left hand. ****Damn, he's cranky tonight!**** But Jack took the clothes and dressed, then slid back into bed under his now wet covers, expecting to be awake the entire night.
**
Sam got back to her quarters an hour after she left Jack. She walked aimlessly for a while trying to clear her head, but all she succeeded in doing was get soaking wet. She walked into her room and started to methodically undress, not really thinking about what she was doing. She knew that she must have been freezing even thought she really didn't feel cold, but, to warm herself, she decided to take a shower. The only part of her body that wasn't totally numbed because of the utter despair she was in was the point where his lips touched hers. That part of her burned with a heat that would not be contained.
Sam stood under the spray until the hot water ran cold. She didn't notice. The only thing that tipped her off to the freezing temperature of the water was that her whole body was covered in goose bumps. Deciding that getting out before she actually became hypothermic was probably a good idea, she shut the water and grabbed for a towel.
Because she was on duty the next day Sam forced herself to lie in bed and pretend to sleep although she knew that it would be a long time coming. The truth of the matter was that even though she knew she wouldn't be sleeping, she didn't have enough energy for anything else. She was physically and emotionally drained but her mind was going over the kiss in slow motion and it didn't look like this was going to end any time soon. Sam rolled over and stared at the wall, when that didn't clear the image from behind her eyes, she covered her head with a pillow. "This isn't working," she acknowledged out loud to no one in particular and uncovered her head. "For years I've ignored the way I felt about Jack, what's so difficult about it this time?"
She turned her head and responded to herself, "This time you actually kissed him."
"Actually he kissed me."
"It doesn't matter. Now I know what it's like, how am I supposed to forget?"
"If you can't forget it, ignore it."
Just as Sam was going to reply to herself, she realized that this whole conversation was totally ridiculous because she was the only person participating. ****Maybe I really have lost it. Maybe that whole trip through time did some nasty things to my psyche.**** Determined to end this madness, Sam rolled over again and clamped her eyes shut.
**
Jack assumed that eventually he had fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes it was morning and the house was silent. He guessed Marty had taken Charlie to school and let him sleep. It was still early and Jack wasn't in any mood to actually get out of bed at all that day so he rolled over and closed his eyes again.
He woke up hours later and decided that he should be getting out of bed. He was on duty that afternoon and really needed to shower and change. Marty told him that he was welcome to come back after duty if he needed further ass-kicking, but Jack thought that going home would probably be the best idea. Besides, he knew that leaving Charlie with Sara for an extended period was bound to upset them both. ****Wait a minute. Upset them both? Maybe I've been going about this all wrong. Maybe this is not the best way for Charlie to grow up.**** Before he could continue along those lines, Jack's head started pounding, lack of sleep and lack of coffee was making it hard for him to think, and the knot that was still wound up inside his stomach wasn't really helping the situation.
**
Sam spent her entire shift trying to avoid Colonel O'Neill. But the more she tried to avoid him, the more she seemed to be bumping into him. Thankfully, he never saw her. Every time she was in the same room with him, he looked like he was off in his own world. She thought he looked sick, he was very pale and seemed tired, but she noticed that he still moved with the same efficiency she was used to so he probably was feeling fine. Still, she got the impression that something was wrong. ****Probably wishful thinking.****
Finally she was heading home, she waited around for about an hour after her shift ended just to be sure that she didn't run into him on his way out. This was ridiculous of course because she really had no idea when his shift ended. She made it back to her quarters without incident and once inside she sank back against then door, drained from the day's activities. ****At least it's over. The first day back is always the hardest. Tomorrow will be easier, it has to be.****
**
Jack got home early that night. He couldn't concentrate at work any longer and decided to just call it a day. It wasn't like there was anything important for him to do, so he figured he would go home and have a chat with Charlie, he hadn't really gotten the chance to hang out with him for a while.
The sight that Jack came home to was disturbing to say the least. The box that he locked his gun in was opened and the gun was missing, as were the bullets. In a flash Jack ran through the house searching for Charlie and Sara. He didn't find anyone. Quickly checking the yard he found Charlie playing, his gun was on the table behind him.
Jack ran out and grabbed it, then tried to empty the chamber but found that there were no bullets there. "CHARLIE WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?!?"
Charlie was taken by surprise by his father's sudden appearance and then shouting. "I… I… found it… it was on the table… in the living room…"
Jack softened a bit but was still frenzied, he grabbed his son and hugged him tightly. "You know you're not supposed to play with guns Charlie, you could have gotten hurt!"
"That's a real gun? I… didn't know that…" Jack was still holding him. "Dad… I can't breathe…."
Jack lessened his hold on him. "Where's your mother?"
"I don't know."
"Didn't she pick you up from school?"
"Yeah, but then she said that she wanted to go get dinner, I thought she was back already."
****She left him alone in the house!! How did my gun get out?**** Jack usually kept his gun locked in the box which he kept in his closet. He kept the key around his neck with his dog tags, which were always with him, even when he slept. The only way that Charlie could have gotten to the gun was if the lock was broken and he doubted that a seven year old could figure out a way to do it.
Jack started to shake. ****I can't let him stay here with her! **** "Charlie," he said, more calmly than he felt, "We're going to go stay with Uncle Marty for a few days okay?"
"Sure Dad, but why?"
"We'll talk about it later, but right now I want you to go in your room and pack some clothes for the rest of the week, and bring your books, you've got school."
He and Charlie went back into the house. Jack grabbed the broken lock box and put the gun in it. He threw that to the bottom of his suitcase and then packed his clothes. In his drawer he found the divorce papers that Sara had served him with days before. He packed them as well.
Jack went into Charlie's room to make sure he packed enough clothes. He found that he had strewn all of his clothes across his room and was trying to cram them all into two small duffel bags.
"Charlie, what are you doing? You don't need that many clothes for just one week."
Charlie stopped and looked at him. "I don't want to come back."
Jack walked over to his son and knelt down next to him. "Why not Charlie? What's wrong?"
"I don't like it here. You and mom hardly talk to each other. You're always sleeping in the living room. Mom doesn't pay any attention to me and she doesn't talk to me. I… I… I just don't want to be here anymore!" He started to cry and buried his face in Jack's shirt. "And now you're mad at me! I didn't know the gun was real. Mommy put it on top of the TV in the living room. I found it on the floor…." The rest was muffled by his sobbing.
"Shh… shhh... It's okay Charlie, I'm not mad at you. I was just scared, that's all. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you." He picked him up and put him on his bed. "Charlie, don't worry, if you don't want to come back for a while, that's fine, we'll figure something out. But I want you to promise me that you won't play with guns anymore. I know you thought it wasn't real, I just want you to promise me."
"I don't want to go near any more guns Dad. Not ever."
"Good, now let's get you packed okay?"
Charlie wiped his eyes, "Okay."
**
Sam didn't really know why she felt the need to visit Colonel Martin, she guessed that she felt guilty for leaving things the way she did with Jack, and she felt badly about stealing his bullets, although she wasn't really sure why that was bothering her. Nonetheless, she felt as if they were burning a hole through her pocket as she made her way from her quarters to his office.
When she got there she discovered that he wasn't in, but there was a phone number on the door. She wrote it on her arm figuring she'd give it a shot, if that didn't work, there was always tomorrow.
She called him and was somewhat surprised to hear his voice on the other end of the line answering. "Colonel?"
"Yes." Sam's end was silent, "Who is this?"
"I'm sorry Sir, this is Captain Carter."
"Ahhh Captain, I've been expecting to speak to you sooner or later."
"You were Sir?"
"Yes, of course, after what Jack told me, I nearly expected you to show up at my house a few hours after him."
"Sir, what happened between myself and Colonel O'Neill-"
"We're back to `Colonel O'Neill' again eh?
Sam ignored him and continued, "This is not about myself and Colonel O'Neill Sir."
Now Marty was intrigued. "Well then Captain, it appears I am at a disadvantage, do go on."
Sam took a deep breath, "Colonel, I was at Colonel O'Neill's house and I noticed a lock box on top of his television… well, not on top of the television, more like on the frame that held the TV… you know, like the entertainment center type thing, only smaller…"
****Oh boy…**** "I get it Captain, continue."
"Right," Sam tried again, "Well, like I said I saw this box there and I was curious, I know it was wrong to do it, but I couldn't help myself…" Sam paused.
Marty could tell this was bothering her from the sound of her voice. "Sam, what did you find in the box?"
"The lock on the box was broken… there was a gun in the box… It was loaded."
"That's not possible. Jack would never be that careless with his gun. He doesn't even like having it around!"
"Sir, that box was broken into, before I saw it."
"Does Jack know about it?"
"I don't think Colonel O'Neill knows Sir, I don't think he would leave something like that lying around where Charlie could possibly get to it."
"Well, thank you for telling me Sam, I'll let Jack know."
Sam could tell that Marty was about to hang up the phone. "That's not all Sir." She waited until she was sure she had his attention, and then continued before she lost her nerve. "I unloaded the gun Sir, and I took the bullets. I didn't want anything to happen to Charlie! I know I should have told him, but I couldn't figure out how. Everything was all upside down. I didn't know what to do." Sam broke off, she was nervous and upset and it was evident in her voice.
"Sam, I don't think you did anything wrong. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of things."
"Thank you Sir."
"You're welcome…" ****Let's see if I can give these two a kick in the pants.**** "Just one more thing Captain."
"Yes Sir?"
"Now, I know I shouldn't be saying this, but, Jack's a great guy, even if he is a little dense sometimes. I know he probably did or said something foolish yesterday, but believe me, he cares for you, probably more than he lets himself believe… Give him another chance."
Sam was on the verge of tears. "I can't Sir, he loves his wife; he loves his family. Giving him another chance won't matter because I could never matter to him as much as his family does."
"Sam, you don't understand."
"Respectfully Sir, I do understand. Colonel O'Neill told me so himself."
Marty was silent. He couldn't believe how stubborn she was being. ****Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees!**** Just then his doorbell rang pulling his attention from his telephone conversation. When he started listening again all he heard was the dial tone. ****Oh well, there's always tomorrow. I swear these two just like the misery!**** The bell rang again. "ALL RIGHT!! I'm coming!"
**
When Jack and Charlie showed up at Tom Martin's house, Marty wasn't exactly surprised, but he was a little puzzled. ****I know that things aren't working out well at home for Jack, but how much damage could have been done in a few hours?**** He knew that Jack was on duty for most of the afternoon and that Sara had just gotten home around noon. ****What could have happened?****
"Charlie, why don't you go put your stuff down upstairs and wash up, then come down and we'll get some food, you guys didn't eat yet did you?" Marty looked at Jack the whole time, even thought he was talking to Charlie. He was trying to read his expression, but failing. He looked like he had come to some sort of decision, there was also a tightly reigned anger behind his eyes, Marty was wondering what was going on.
"No, we didn't eat yet, that sounds like a good idea."
"I'll be back in a minute Dad."
As Charlie walked up the stairs Marty noticed that the usual bounce in his step was gone. ****Hmmm… something big must have happened if Charlie isn't bouncing off the walls.**** "What happened Jack?" Marty asked after Charlie got upstairs.
"Kind if a long story, I don't really want to go into it until I've calmed down. Can we talk later?"
"Like after Charlie's asleep?"
"That would be good."
"Okay Jack, but is everything all right? I mean no one's hurt or anything right?"
"Marty, I think everyone is going to stop hurting real soon."
Marty was confused at Jack's cryptic response, but respected his request to wait until later for an explanation. Charlie came back down the stairs and they left in search of pizza.
**
After pizza and a hockey game on TV, Jack tucked Charlie into bed. When he came back downstairs, Marty was waiting for him in the kitchen with two mugs sitting on the table. Jack sat down and went to take a sip of what he thought was coffee before he began, but when he lifted the cup to his lips he saw that it was tea. Confused, Jack looked up.
"It's decaffeinated green tea." Marty responded to his unasked question. "I figured you probably haven't slept much in the past few days, and I should really stay away from coffee anyway. It's not bad really, and it's supposed to be good for you. Try it."
Jack took a sip and had to admit it wasn't so bad. He hadn't been feeling well lately, probably due to both his lack of sleep and his rollercoaster emotional state. He looked at Marty again after he put his mug down, he looked expectant. "I guess now is as good a time as any."
"Take your time Jack."
"Nah, I've gotta get it all out on the table, if for no other reason than to help myself see it all clearly."
"Okay, I'm listening."
"I was feeling like shit all day on base. Depressed and moody, you know how I am." Marty snorted a bit at that, Jack ignored it. "Anyway, I couldn't concentrate. I'm not going to lie about why, but I'm not going to dwell on it either, that's not the reason I'm here." Marty nodded. "So, I'm not feeling great and I'm all distracted, so I decided to call it a day a little early and head home."
"What time was this?"
"A few hours ago, why?"
"No reason, I just want to get the whole picture."
Jack nodded and continued. "I went home and prepared to be ignored by my wife." Jack got that look in his eyes again, the one of barely controlled rage, the one he was wearing when he walked in earlier.
"It's okay Jack, take it easy."
Then the look was gone. "I know Marty, but if you saw what I saw, you'd be angry too. Anyway, I got home and found on the floor in my living room, the box I keep my gun locked in. It was open, someone busted the lock, and the gun was missing. I started to panic and ran through the house to find Charlie. I couldn't find him anywhere. He wasn't in the house." Jack was reliving the story as he told it, the fear showed clearly in his eyes.
"Where was he Jack? What happened?"
"He was in the yard playing with the gun."
"Oh my God! Where was Sara?"
"She wasn't there. She left him all alone with my gun within reach. I never leave that gun out. It's locked away in my closet."
"I know Jack." Marty paused. He couldn't believe Sara would be so careless. "So you think Charlie went looking for it?"
"No. He told me he found it in the living room and that the box was open. He thought it was a toy."
"Thank God he's all right!"
"I have." Jack took another sip of his tea and gathered his thoughts. "I think I'm going to sign the papers, I brought them with me."
Marty nearly spit his tea across the room, but managed to contain himself and choked it down sputtering and coughing. When he recovered, he replied, "I think that's probably the best move you've made in a while."
Jack just looked at him from across the table, feeling more confident with his decision. "What sealed it for me was when I told Charlie to pack some clothes he tried to pack his whole room. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me that he didn't want to ever come back."
"I hate to say this now, but, I told you so."
"Yeah, I know, I was just too stubborn to listen."
"Jack, you were trying to do right by your son. No one can fault you for that."
"That's where you're wrong, one person can."
"I see where you're going with this. You're talking about a certain blonde captain that you shared a lip-lock with."
"I hurt her badly. I wish I could just tell her that I'm sorry."
"Well Jack, now I feel compelled to share with you the details of a phone call I received just before you got here today."
Jack was confused. "Phone call?"
"Yes, but first let me ask you this. Where were the bullets that were in your gun? I'm going to assume that even if you didn't keep the gun loaded, you must have kept the bullets with it."
"You know, that's true. The last time I opened that box was to clean the gun, and then I loaded it before I put it back."
"Let me enlighten you Jack. You see before you drove the young captain home yesterday she caught sight of the box on top of your television. Curious, she opened the box and found your gun. She knew that it probably wasn't the best idea in the world to have a loaded gun in a spot where a child could possibly get his hands on it but at the same time she didn't want to steal your gun or make it seem like she was reprimanding you for being careless, so while you were out of the room, she unloaded the gun and took the bullets, she put the gun back in the box on the television before you got back... Sam saved Charlie."
Jack was dumbstruck. "She… She… How…"
"I don't know how she knew Jack, she just did."
"I need to talk to her." Jack started to stand, unsteadily.
"I don't think that's a good idea right now." Marty stopped him with a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder. "You're an emotional nightmare at the moment, and she's still hurting. I think you should give it some time. Maybe straighten yourself and your *situation* out first. Then, when you're thinking more clearly, you can go *thank* her."
Jack was still staggered but replied, "You're right, I know you're right."
"Sleep on it tonight Jack. If you still want to sign the divorce papers in the morning, I'll have my brother take a look at them; he's a lawyer, and a good one. Then we'll go from there."
"What does your sister do again?"
"She was an engineer before my nieces were born. Worked for Lockheed-Martin. Why?"
"Your mother must be proud."
"She is, but what makes you say that?"
"A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. C'mon, that's a mother's dream, even if you're only a Chiropractor."
"You better be careful Jack, I can cause pain as easily as I can relieve it."
**
Two months later the paperwork finally came through. Jack had full custody of Charlie and was living on the base in his assigned quarters while he looked for a house. He tried to keep the divorce as quiet as possible because he didn't really want Charlie exposed to the rumor mill while he was on base with him. Jack didn't really care what was said about himself, but his son was another story. It wasn't difficult to keep the whole thing under wraps. Jack was Black Ops, his record was useless; his marital status was as big a question mark as it always had been, so it really didn't matter.
Charlie was happy; much happier than Marty had seen him in a long time. On the other hand, Jack looked miserable. Granted he didn't carry around that enormous guilt anymore, but he was still such a downer all the time. The thought crossed Marty's mind for a brief second that maybe Jack missed Sara. ****What the hell am I thinking? That would be crazy!**** Deciding however that stranger things have happened, that night, after dinner, he kept Jack in the kitchen and sent Charlie to watch a movie.
"You need help with something?" Jack asked.
"Ahh… yeah. I need help figuring something out." Marty paused, looked at Jack and then continued, "What's bothering you Jack?"
"What? Nothing."
"Jack…"
"Seriously, I'm fine. No, this is not the dumb act before you start with that. Charlie's happy. I'm a little stressed about finding a place to live and I feel bad about invading your house so often, but other than that, life is good."
The smile Jack plastered on his face would have looked more real had it actually been plaster, and Marty knew it, he figured he'd go for broke. "Jack, you know you and Charlie can stay here as long as you need. In fact, I don't know why you insist on staying on the base. But you look miserable, all the time… I thought that maybe… ummm… Look, I'm just gonna say this… I thought that maybe you missed Sara."
"What? No! How could I miss her? She hasn't really spoken to me since she found out that she was pregnant with Charlie. I mean, I guess I've missed her for years now, but I'm not upset about the divorce. I know I did the right thing, for me and for Charlie, and I'm happy about it."
"So then what is it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"But you admit you're not feeling so great."
"I haven't felt great in a while." Suddenly Marty got a `Eureka moment,' a light bulb went on over his head. Jack sensed a change and looked at him curiously. "What?"
"You're lonely."
"Yeah, but I'm used to being lonely. I'm telling you Marty there's nothing wrong."
"Yes there is."
"You're insane." Jack started to get up from the table and move toward the living room where Charlie was watching TV.
"Ok, I got the person wrong. Maybe you don't miss Sara, but I know who you do miss."
"You're nuts."
"That may be, but I know the last time you were happy. You had a stupid smile on your face, and to quote your son, you `looked like you just came home from winning a championship hockey game!'" Jack turned around and looked at Marty again. He had said the last bit loud enough to attract Charlie's attention. "But you know what, if you don't believe me, let's ask Charlie." He walked to the doorway and called for Charlie to come into the kitchen.
"What's up Uncle Marty?"
"I've got a question for you." Marty looked at Jack, who was totally convinced that Marty questioning his son would prove to be totally fruitless, and then asked, "Charlie, would you say your dad is happy or sad?"
"Ummm…." Charlie looked up at Jack, almost afraid to answer.
"Don't worry Charlie, he's not going to be upset, just answer me, tell the truth."
"Well, I think that Dad is happier since we left the house and that we don't live with my mother anymore-"
"See, I told you, there's nothing wrong."
"Jack, let him finish. Go ahead Charlie."
"But he's sad all the time."
"AHA!"
"Oh come on! You put him up to this!"
Before Marty could answer, Charlie piped up, "No he didn't! I know you're sad, and I know why too!"
They both looked at him and waited for his reason. Marty spoke first. "What's the reason Charlie, what do you think is making him depressed?" When Charlie came out with his answer, Jack stood and watched him run back into the living room with his mouth hanging open, again.
"He misses Sam."
"Perceptive, isn't he?" When Jack said nothing, Marty went on with, "Close your mouth Jack."
**
Jack was awake the entire night thinking about what his son and Marty had said. He went over it again and again in his mind and resigned himself to the fact that they were right. Two months ago, when he had started with his divorce process, he didn't have time to think about Sam, but now that things had calmed down considerably, he found that his thoughts did wander to her more often than not.
It was around 0400 hours when Jack got out of bed deciding that sleep was going to continue to elude him and that he would rather be distracting himself with something, like television, rather than sitting in bed counting the spots the streetlights cast onto the ceiling.
He got downstairs and made himself some of that green tea that Marty was so found of. He sat on the couch and turned the television on. The sound was blaring; Charlie had left the volume all the way up from when he was watching the movie earlier. He quickly lowered the volume and started to channel surf.
Apparently the brief blast of volume was enough to wake Marty. "Jack?"
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"No, the explosion from the TV woke me up. What time is it?"
"Around 0410."
"What the hell are you doing up?"
Jack thought for a moment and then decided to be honest, with both his friend and himself. "I love her."
Marty was stunned for a minute, not so much because the subject of the admission took him by surprise, it was the *fact* that Jack admitted it that had him taken aback, he recovered quickly enough though. "Yeah, I know." Marty sat down with him on the couch and for a while neither one said anything.
Jack broke the silence eventually. "What do I do now?"
"I don't know if I'm the one you should be talking to."
"You think I should be talking to her."
"See, now you're starting to get it."
"I don't know what to say Marty, I mean come on, it's not like I can go over there and be like `Hi Sam, remember me? Well, I'm in love with you.' I mean I haven't dated in a while but I'm pretty sure that's not going to work."
"That's probably true, but still, you should go talk to her. Tell her about Charlie. You're all straightened out now. Thank her for what she did. Then, if you're feeling confident, ask her out, or ask her over. We can have dinner here on Friday, I'll cook."
"I'm sorry about all this Marty."
"Sorry?"
"Yeah, I mean I know it's like taking care of a teenager, but it feels that way too. I've never been so confused and indecisive in my whole life."
"Don't worry about it. Let me put it this way, in ten years I'll have something to tease you about. Now come on, get some sleep, we're both on duty tomorrow."
"What? You're going in tomorrow? How'd they manage to get you on base?"
"General Hoft has a bad back. They want me to take a crack at it."
"Very funny."
"I try."
**
Jack and Marty had their conversation on Sunday night. It was already Wednesday and Jack still hadn't approached Sam. It wasn't as if he didn't have the opportunity. It just took him nearly three whole days to get up the `gumption' to be in the same room as her, never mind actually having to speak to her.
Sam was returning to her quarters after her shift the next day. It was late in the evening, almost 2200 hours and she was exhausted. As usual she got caught up in her work and never bothered with looking at the time. She had been on duty since 0800 that morning and she really didn't remember when the last time she ate was. All she could think about was taking a shower, eating, and sleeping, not necessarily in that order.
She was almost home when he ran into her, literally. He'd been trying to get up the nerve to talk to her all day but just when he thought he had the guts to approach her, she was running off to do something else. He had just about resigned himself to fate and started believing that whatever god was watching over him really didn't want him to talk to Sam that day, or ever, when he nearly knocked her over.
"I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't watching where I was…" The apology was half out of his mouth before he realized who he was talking to. "Sam!"
"Hello Sir." She said shyly.
It bothered him that she was being formal again ****I guess I should have expected that, I mean I understand why she's being formal… doesn't mean I have to like it…**** What gave him hope was that she was wearing his jacket; the one she borrowed months ago, the night of that party. She never mentioned it afterwards, and he never asked for it back.
"Sam, I was wondering… if you've got a minute, I'd like to talk to you."
"Sir, I'm really tired. I've been on duty since this morning. I really just want to sleep."
Jack hadn't noticed how weary she looked. She actually looked as if she was wilting right in front of him. "Oh, I'm sorry… It's… it's just that I really didn't like the way we left things… and there are other… ummm… new… circumstances that I really wanted to tell you about." Seeing that he was losing her, he blurted out, "And I wanted to thank you… for saving Charlie's life."
"Thank me for what?" Sam wasn't sure she heard him correctly.
"My son. If you hadn't taken the bullets… well, I don't know what would have happened."
"I don't understand Jack."
When she said his name he smiled and started feeling like just maybe he would come out of this with his heart and hope intact. "Well, how about you let me buy you dinner, and I can explain." She looked a little wary. "Just dinner I swear, and then you can go home and sleep. Besides, I bet you didn't eat all day either."
She didn't answer. She didn't need to. He knew he was right. He also knew that she would agree to his dinner invitation if for no other reason than to find out the details about Charlie. That really didn't bother Jack though. If anything, dinner gave him more time with her, time which he could use to apologize, and possibly ask her about Friday.
**
They ended up at a diner a few miles from the base. Sam was silent the majority of the time. The only time she spoke was to the waitress as she placed her order. When the waitress turned to Jack, he found that he was too nervous to eat. The all too familiar knot in his stomach was back with a vengeance and was turning his appetite. He ordered coffee, figuring he'd need something to occupy himself with as she ate, and something to stick in his mouth if he found his foot wandering into it.
"Not hungry?"
Jack shook his head. "No, not really. I could use the coffee for the ride home though."
They were silent again. Jack's courage began to waiver. He knew that he should say something but was drawing a blank. Jack didn't like to talk. He liked to act. ****Yes, but acting is what got me in this mess in the first place.****
The waitress brought Sam's food. She stared at it for a moment, then said, "Look, I can get this wrapped and take it home. I'm tired."
"Sam, no." ****Time to come clean.**** "The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I wanted to apologize." He tried to look at her eyes at he spoke, but she had put her head down. He went on anyway, "I tried to apologize that night, but I messed it up somehow, as usual. I felt really badly about the way we left things."
"I know, I understand."
"No! You don't!"
Sam finally looked up at him. "I don't?"
"No." He calmed down just a bit. "You don't. You couldn't understand because, at the time *I* didn't understand what as happening."
"And you do now?" She didn't believe him but was curious.
"Yes."
"Well then, care to explain?"
She stunned him with that. He really didn't want to come fully clean to her in the middle of a diner that was often frequented by whoever was on base. "Uhhh…"
"Yeah, that's what I thought." She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms in front of her in a defiant, but defensive way.
****I guess I have no choice. I hope I don't screw things up further by saying this.**** "All right! I really didn't want this to happen this way but it seems like I just can't win with you." Jack sighed and decided that the only way he was going to get through this was going to be the same way he ripped off band-aids; do it quickly and don't look. So, as he looked down into his coffee cup, he quietly mumbled, "I was scared that night. You have an effect on me that I can't explain. I panicked and I hurt you, and I'm sorry."
"Good or bad?"
"Huh?" He looked up and fully expected her to either not be there at all, or to be fuming. When he saw her there with a neutral look and a question raised, he faltered.
"Good effect, or bad effect?"
"Oh…" Jack looked her in the eyes before continuing. "Definitely good effect."
"Oh…" Sam blushed and looked away.
"You forgive me then?"
She looked as if she were thinking it over and then said, "It might take some more convincing."
Jack didn't really know what that meant, but it sounded full of promise and very encouraging. "Well then, would you let me try to convince you further, say Friday night? Dinner at Marty's with me, Marty and Charlie?"
She smiled and Jack knew he was going to be all right. "Okay… but on one condition…" Jack's hope died a bit, "you have to tell me what you meant when you said I saved Charlie."
"Actually, I've been wanting to tell you about that for months."
"Months?"
"Yep."
"What happened?"
Jack told her the story about how he had gotten home and found his gun missing. How he searched his house and found Charlie playing with it. How Sara had left him alone.
"So I packed my stuff and Charlie's, and we left."
"You left?"
"We went to stay with Marty for a while, until I could call in a few favors and get quarters large enough on base for us. We've been there for about a month and a half so far. I'm looking for a house. I don't think Charlie should grow up on an Airforce base."
"What about your wife?"
"Well, as of about three weeks ago, it's ex-wife."
Sam was stunned. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. ****He got divorced!**** She knew that she shouldn't be as happy as she was, after all divorces aren't pleasant, but she couldn't help the feeling of elation bubbling up inside her. "Oh, I'm sorry."
"No you're not. You're smiling too much." Jack had a smile of his own on. ****This is going well.**** "It's okay though. I'm not all that upset about it. I think I've known for a long time that staying in that kind of a relationship was not a good idea. I just wish it didn't take something so drastic for me to realize it. But, I DID want to say `thank you,' so, thank you." She flashed him a thousand watt smile and Jack briefly thought to himself that it was a good thing he was sitting down because that smile made his knees weak. "C'mon, finish eating and I'll take you home, you look really tired."
"Actually I'm not all that hungry. I'll get it wrapped up, but you're right, I'm drained."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Jack signaled for the waitress and asked her wrap up Sam's food. He paid the bill even though Sam protested, and even held the door for her on the way out. ****Might as well try to be a gentleman.****
**
Jack brought her back to the base and to her quarters at which point he insisted on walking her to her door. "Jack, I'm a ranking officer in the Unites States Airforce, I'm sure I can make it to my quarters from here."
He ignored her and walked with her to her door. When she placed the key in the lock and started to turn it he panicked a little. He was suddenly confronted with the idea that he wouldn't see her again until Friday night, and while that was only one day away (afterall it was Thursday), he didn't really like that idea. "Hey, what are you doing for lunch tomorrow? What I mean is, are you on duty? Because I am, and I usually eat in the commissary at around 1330 hours, so…"
Sam laughed at his nervousness. ****He's cute when he's nervous. Oh, who am I kidding? He's cute all the time!**** "I'm not on duty tomorrow-"
"Oh, well then-"
"But I'm free for lunch. 1330 you said?"
"Uhh.. yeah…"
"Okay, I'll see you then."
She opened her door and was about to walk in when Jack blurted out: "Sam, do you think that… well, you think that maybe…"
He looked down as if suddenly his shoes were very interesting. "What's the matter?"
****Well I guess it's all or nothing. Why do I feel the need to press this?**** He looked up at her and smiled as he stared into her eyes. "What I mean to ask Sam is, can I give you a kiss goodnight?"
"Oh…" Sam was surprised, but Jack, somehow encouraged, moved in closer, "I don't know Jack. That's probably not a good-"
He swallowed the rest of her sentence with a gentle kiss. He just barely pressed his lips against her and then he was gone. It was nothing like the last searing kiss they shared, but it still shook her to her core. "Thanks." He said before he turned and started to walk away from her door leaving her frozen in place and wanting him. "I'll see you tomorrow, 1330ish, in the commissary, by the back wall."
As he moved out of sight, Sam leaned against her door frame for support. ****I'm in so much trouble!****
**
Chapter 2:
Jack decided that he didn't want to be seen alone with Sam on base. Too many rumors could start. Even though no one knew he was divorced, he didn't want to make Sam uncomfortable. Unfortunately he came to this decision late Friday morning. Luckily for him, Marty was still "healing the wounded general," so he was on base for the day. He caught up with him in a hallway. As they were walking together he asked about lunch.
"You want to eat lunch with me in the commissary?"
"That's not like you Jack. Usually you hide in the corner and bark at anyone who comes near you."
"I do not!"
"Jaaaack…."
"Ok, fine, maybe I bark, but I don't hide."
"Whatever…. Anyway… Sure, I'll eat with you. It will give me a chance to make fun of you for not asking a certain blonde out tonight."
"Ah… Marty…. Ah… I sorta did ask her out tonight… well, I asked her over…."
"You did not."
"Seriously, I did."
"You actually got up the guts to talk to her?"
"Yeah."
"Jack, when were you going to tell me? I have to make dinner!"
"Well, I was trying to, but I got home late last night and I didn't want to wake you, so I figured lunch."
"Why did you get home late? You were only on duty until 1800 hours. And where was Charlie?"
"I stuck around to talk to her, and Charlie is with my parents until tonight."
"I can't believe she actually spoke to you."
"C'mon Marty, that's a bit harsh don't you think?"
"No."
"So, what time's lunch?" They got to a fork in the hall and turned in opposite directions.
"In about two hours."
**
Jack and Marty sat down near the back wall of the commissary. Jack started panning the area. Marty wondered why.
"Jack, what are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing."
"Why are we sitting all the way back here? There's practically no one in here. Can't we go sit closer to the food?" Jack was still looking around the room and not paying attention to what Marty was saying. "Jack, are we expecting someone?"
"Ummm, no… no… why do you ask?" He still had his attention on the room and not on the conversation. Marty finally figured it out.
"You're waiting for her."
"What?" Jack snapped out of his observation mode and looked at Marty.
"Jack, you don't need a chaperone. You are a grown man. You don't need me around."
"I know that Marty, but I don't want anyone to start talking."
"About what? People have lunch together all the time. *We* have lunch together all the time, does that mean people are talking about us?"
"That's different-"
"Yes Jack, I know it is, but only to you! You're not in love with me!"
"Could you LOWER your VOICE!"
"Jack," he was whispering now, "I understand that you're a little nervous with her, it's natural, but you can do this." At that moment, Sam walked up behind Jack. Marty saw her first. "Oh, hello Captain, didn't expect to see you here today."
"Am I interrupting Sir?"
"No, I was just leaving." Marty looked pointedly at Jack. Jack looked back pleading for him to stay. "I'll see you later Jack, and I guess you too Captain."
"How long were you standing there?" He asked sheepishly. ****I swear I'll kill Marty for letting that slip!****
"Not long Sir, I walked in through the back."
Jack wasn't sure if Sam heard anything or not, but she seemed confused by his question, so he guessed that she didn't overhear what Marty had said. He stood up. "Well Captain, shall we eat?"
Sam nodded and they walked toward the trays.
**
As it turned out, lunch wasn't as bad as Jack thought it would be. There was pretty much no one in the commissary at the time and eventually Jack relaxed enough to both eat and have a relatively intelligent conversation with Sam. He started to feel more confident in himself and more comfortable around her. He also realized that he really enjoyed being with her and as his lunch hour ended and they parted company, he found himself really looking forward to that evening and dinner.
He got back to his quarters later than he expected. He got bogged down with paperwork, as usual, and ended up having his parents drop Charlie off at Marty's place. He quickly jumped into the shower, not wanting to waste any more time than he already had.
Once out of the shower and dry, he walked over to his closet. Suddenly he was struck with a dilemma. ****What do I wear?**** Jack never had this problem before. He never gave much thought to his attire. Thankfully he wasn't color blind so he usually matched, at least for the most part, but this choice was bothering him. He wanted to look good, but at the same time he didn't want Marty and his son to know that he wanted to look good.
Finally, he closed his eyes and reached into his closet in the general direction of his shirts and pulled. ****I guess tonight isn't my night.**** He had pulled out a light blue collared shirt with gigantic red Hawaiian flowers on it. Just as he was putting it back in his closet it fell off the hanger. Underneath the shirt was another. A dark grey sweater. Taking this as a sign, he grabbed a pair of black pants and got dressed.
He stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom and looked himself over. ****Not too bad… I think… God! I wish I knew what she was expecting!**** Before he could change his mind about his attire, he a hand through his hair, grabbed his coat and left for Marty's house.
**
Sam was late. She knew it. She took too much time getting ready. To be totally honest, she took too much time deciding whether or not to get ready. At first she wasn't sure if she wanted to go. Then she wanted to go but had nothing to wear. Then she wanted to go but didn't want to get dressed up. Finally she admitted that she was nervous, that she really really really wanted to go, and she wanted to look damn good!
She got to the door and rang the bell. A few seconds passed and then she heard a small sort of rumbling coming from inside the house. The door swung open. Charlie was standing in the doorway with a bright smile on his face. "Hiya Sam!"
"Hi Charlie. How are you?"
"Hungry."
"Then let her come inside so we can eat." Marty said as he appeared from the kitchen. Charlie bounded away from the door and upstairs as Sam entered, closing the door behind her. She looked around the room as she walked through to the kitchen. Jack was suspiciously absent. She must have been obvious in her casual search for him because Marty offered "He'll be here in a minute. He said he forgot something." She looked confused but nodded and stood in the kitchen feeling very awkward. "Sit down." He issued the invitation as if it were an order. Sam had to stop herself before saying "Yes Sir!" But she sat at on a chair in the kitchen nervously.
"Do you think this is a good idea?" She asked.
"You don't?"
"Well, I'm not really sure about this, I feel really awkward." What she really wanted to say was that she wasn't used to being able to be casual around Jack. Sure it was part of a fantasy, but now that the potential for reality was hitting, she didn't really know how to act. ****I really wish I had someone to talk to about this**** Suddenly she felt terribly homesick, or timesick. She wasn't sure which. She missed her friends, especially Daniel. It's not that he would have any advice for her, or in any way be able to tell her what to do, but he'd talk to her and that was always comforting. But Daniel was a few years away at least, assuming she didn't make a change to the timeline by coming back in the first place.
"Ah, finally! What did you forget?" Marty was looking at the door as it opened and Jack walked in.
"Nothing, thought I forgot my keys, but they were in my pocket the whole time." Jack walked further into the house and noticed Marty's apron. It was black and white with a big cow's head on it. "You look ridiculous."
"So do you." He countered and Jack stopped in his tracks.
"You really think so?"
"I don't know, what do you think Sam?"
Sam was off in her own world and from where she sat in the kitchen she couldn't really see out into the room Jack was in, she didn't realize that he had walked in, and Jack didn't know that Sam was there. "Huh?" She snapped out of her trance and managed to focus just as Jack got into the kitchen. ****Wow**** That was about all Sam could come up with at the sight of him and she really hoped she didn't say that out loud. His clothes suited him perfectly and his hair was flying off in every direction. Just the way she liked it, uncontrolled, just like Jack.
****Oh God, say something please!**** Jack thought as he walked into the room. He had his eyes down because he was sure that if he looked at her he'd trip over himself and end up on his nose looking about as ridiculous as Marty's apron. Finally he made his way over to her and looked at her for the first time.
That's about where the staring contest seemed, at least to Marty, to begin. ****This should be a fun evening. I wonder how long they'll stay like that?**** "All right all right, enough already, dinner's ready. CHARLIE!! Get down here!"
"I'M COMING!" Charlie shouted from upstairs. Soon there was a terrible banging which Sam assumed was Charlie stampeding his way down the staircase. "Hi, I'm hungry, can we eat now?"
**
Dinner went well, although quietly. Jack was so nervous that he barely touched his food. He thought the hard part was over. He already apologized and she was talking to him again, and there was that little kiss they shared the night before. Well really he kissed her; he was gone before she could even truly figure out what was going on.
Charlie had already taken up his usually spot in front of the television, Marty was on the couch. Jack and Sam were still at the dinner table drinking coffee and talking softly.
"So, am I forgiven?" Jack looked right into her eyes when he asked. He'd been avoiding them the whole evening, knowing for sure that he'd willingly drown in those pools of blue, but right now he really wanted her forgiveness and was just about ready to beg for it.
She giggled a little under her breath, then smiled. "Yeah, I'd say so."
Jack let out a breath he didn't realize he's been holding and felt himself being pulled closer to her by some unknown and unseen force. It felt a lot like gravity, but he was fairly certain that gravity only pulled in one direction, down. There wasn't a lot he was totally clear on at the moment except for the fact that *down* wasn't where his body was headed.
Just as Sam felt Jack's breath on her face, she turned away from him. ****I have to tell him about the future, about where I came from. I can't hide it from him. I can't base this whole thing on a lie.**** "Jack, there's something I need to tell you."
Jack looked disappointed and just a bit nervous, but asked "Is something wrong?"
"Uhmm.. I'm not sure…" ****He's gonna think I'm crazy. Even *I* think I'm crazy. How am I ever going to explain this?****
"What is it Sam?" Jack looked at her with anxiety in his eyes. ****She's going to tell me she's leaving… No… She's just not interested… She's…****
"Jack, I'm from the future."
**
End Chapter 2:
Author's note: Ok, I realize that was probably a cruel thing to do but I really wanted to post something quickly because I got such a great and positive response to the first part of the story. I really didn't think it was going to be liked as much as it was. The first half of this part was just what was left over from the previous post. I'm working on finishing it but I wanted to let everyone who took the time to e-mail me to know that because of all of you I've been convinced to finish the story. I can't promise it will be very good, but I promise I'll try, just bear with me. I'm not a great writer and it takes me a while to get anything even remotely readable together. Of course, feedback is welcomed and greatly appreciated, it kept this story alive!
**
Chapter 3:
"Excuse me?" Jack was confused. Very confused.
"Look I know that you're going to think I'm out of my mind. I probably am. I mean if someone were to tell me that they're from the future. I'd think they were crazy. You probably-"
"Sam! Slow down. I don't understand."
She stopped and looked at him. She really looked at him. ****This is Jack. He's going to believe you. He always believes you. Just take a breath and tell him… Slowly.**** "I'm sorry. I've been carrying this around with me for a while. I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but I wasn't sure how. I'm still not sure if you're going to believe me, but I know that I have to tell you
"No… I trust you… I'll believe what you say, whatever it is." He waited patiently for her to start. She was hesitant. He could see that. When she didn't say anything at all, he made a decision to take her for a walk so they could be alone. "I'll be right back ok?"
"Ok."
"Marty," Jack walked into the living room and Marty turned toward him.
"What's up Jack? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, everything's ok. I was wondering if you could watch Charlie for a little while. I wanted to go for a walk."
"Umm, sure." Marty was going to goad Jack a bit, but something in his face told him not to.
"Thanks Marty." Jack turned back toward Sam.
"You sure everything's fine?"
"Yeah, no problems."
**
Jack and Sam walked aimlessly and quietly for about half an hour before Jack broke the silence. "You can tell me anything you know."
"I know." She didn't say anything else.
"Why is it so hard for you to tell me this?"
"I don't know Jack. It's just that it's really not a pleasant story, and there are so many unbelievable parts to it."
"Well, let me ask you this. I'm getting the feeling that we knew each other before, whether that was some point in the future, I don't know, what I do know is that you seem to know a lot about me even though you really don't know me all that long, and *I* for some reason seem to know you. I don't know how that's possible but I feel like I know you from somewhere. I can't believe I'm going to ask this… But… Would you be able to tell the *future* me this stuff?"
Sam didn't even have to think about that one. Jack was always the one she ran to. "I think I would have told the *future* you already."
Jack took her hand, which made her look up and into his eyes. He told her softly, "I'm the same man."
That did it for her. She saw *her* Jack looking back at her in his eyes. That and the softness of his voice and the warmth of his hand in hers convinced her to tell him about his future, about his heroism, his heartache, and his eventual death. "Jack, you might want to sit down."
**
In the back of a small coffee shop Sam told Jack about how they met. How she was his 2IC and about the work they did together. She explained the Stargate and the SGC as best as she could and he looked like he was following her. She told him about the discovery of the Stargate and about Daniel and how he was probably already starting to be involved with the program.
"Wait, I don't understand something. Why did you come back? Was it an accident? Can you go back?" Jack was halfway hoping that she couldn't go back, that she had to stay in this time with him and live it out into the future she described.
"There was an accident Jack, but it's not what you think. I wasn't *sent* back. I figured out a way to use the Stargate to travel back in time."
"But why? I mean is there another *you* here somewhere? Are you an older version of another Sam Carter?"
"No, it didn't work like that. I transported my consciousness back in time."
"Your consciousness? But, what happened to your future body?"
"Well, I don't really know. I never really made a practice run. I think... Well, I think that if I didn't change the timeline yet, it's pretty much brain dead."
Jack was stunned. "But why would you come back? Just a test? Isn't that a lot to risk for a trial run? What goes on in the future? No one is valued? Geez…"
"It's not that Jack. There was an accident that I came back to make sure didn't happen. But I came back too far. I was only supposed to go back a few weeks, maybe a month. The thing is that I dropped the time device on my way through the Stargate and I ended up coming back ten years."
"You keep saying accident. What happened?"
"I… I… umm.. I really don't know how to tell you, or even *if* I should tell you." Sam looked away from him nervously. ****How do you tell someone that they died and that's why you had to come back?****
"Sam please, whatever it is. I know it must be important, I know you wouldn't try this kind of thing if it wasn't for a good reason. Maybe I can help. What happened Sam?" He took her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Sam, what happens ten years from now that made you come back?"
"You… You…"
"*I* made you try this?" ****GOD I MUST BE AN ASSHOLE!****
She shook her head though, and then continued haltingly. "Jack… you didn't send me. I came… I came because… because… you died."
Jack was dumbstruck. For no reason at all his back started to burn, it was as if he'd been shot with some sort of energy beam, and just as suddenly it was gone.
"We were on a mission…. We were totally outnumbered, we didn't even think we really had a chance at getting back to the gate, but somehow we did… You were supposed to leave on a diplomatic mission hours before… but you didn't… you were leaving as we came through… when we got there… you… you… were… a blast must have come through the gate after we opened it… you were in the gateroom… God, I'm sorry… you were… shot… in the back…" She exploded into tears at the memory, reliving the moment. "I passed out… I got hit in the arm and lost blood… I woke up five days later… you were gone Jack… you were just gone…" She was breathing erratically and tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't see him through the tears and was totally unprepared for his reaction.
Jack finally found his voice. "I died?"
She stopped her sobbing for a moment, taken aback by his very calm response. She was expecting him to scream, to be really angry at her for taking that chance, but he was totally calm, ****Maybe he's in shock?****
"What happened to my son?"
"What?"
"If I died, who had Charlie? Sara?"
"Oh God Jack... Charlie… he…" She was crying fiercely again. "Charlie had an accident… Before you were in the Stargate program… he died…"
"MY GOD! When?!" Jack stood up. He was absolutely panicked.
"About ten years before I came back."
****Ten years… Wait… That means it happens THIS YEAR!**** "Sam… How?? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"
"He was playing with your gun."
****That's not possible. I keep the gun locked- Wait a minute.**** He knelt down and forced her to look at him again. "You saved my son?"
She was crying too intensely to answer, but somehow managed to whisper "I couldn't stand to see you suffer again." She just tried to keep her eyes open to look at him. She was an absolute mess, physically and emotionally. She was red and puffy, her nose was running and she was crying so much that she thought she would drown in tears, but even through all of this, she felt as if a very heavy burden had been lifted from her.
To Jack, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, and he thought that if he wasn't absolutely certain before, now he was positive that he loved Samantha Carter, and somewhere, somehow, he was certain that he had loved her ten years in the future. He couldn't hold himself back anymore. Too much had come crashing down on him, he gave in. He jumped to his feet, taking her with him and kissed her. She was surprised and rigid at first, but the relief of his believing her fantastic tale soon washed over her and she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.
All too soon Sam realized that she needed to breathe. Reluctantly, she pulled away from him slightly. She was much calmer than she had been moments earlier, and had stopped crying for the most part. He loosened his grip on her and she wobbled a bit. "I think I need to sit down. I haven't been sleeping very well lately."
"Are you ok?"
She smiled at him. "Yeah, I think."
Jack looked around and realized that they were still in the coffee shop and that all eyes were on them ****Guess we made a bit of a scene.**** "Feel like getting some air?"
"Uhh… Yeah."
**
They walked back to Marty's house. Jack wanted to ask her more about the future, about what the Stargate program was like, and even what they were like in the future. ****Were we together? No, she said that she was my 2IC, it's against the regs... Unless it's allowed in the future… no no.. doubt it. So if we weren't anything more than friends, why did she-****
Before Jack could finish his thought, they reached Marty's house. "Do you think anyone would mind if I didn't say goodnight? I feel really drained and I'd just like to go home and get some rest."
"Nah, I don't think it'll be a problem. They're probably both asleep anyway."
"Thanks for dinner, and the coffee."
Jack took her hand as she started to turn toward her car. "Thank you." She knew what he was thanking her for and she was glad he didn't say it. She might fall apart again if he did. She turned away again to leave. "Can I see you again?"
"That depends." She said with a smirk.
"On?"
"If I get a kiss goodnight."
"You want me to kiss you?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, I don't know… We hardly know each other…"
She snorted at him, and said "Shut up Jack." As she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a long, soft kiss.
**
Jack walked Sam to her car and promised that he'd call her the next day. Usually when he had said that to a woman in the past, it meant that he'd call in a few days if he liked her, and possibly never if he didn't, but this was different. He didn't want to come on too strong, but after about an hour, he really wanted to hear her voice.
Marty thought he was out of his mind, and called him a child on the very frequent occasion he saw him with his phone in his hand. "Could you relax Jack? Geez... You're worse than your son in the car on the way to Toys R Us!"
"I'm sorry, it's just that… I miss her."
"Jack, it's been two hours, not two years. Besides, you'll see her tomorrow on base. She said she had to go in."
"That's not the same. I can't talk to her on base like I can when we're alone."
"You two talked all night. What more could you have to talk about?" Secretly Marty was thrilled at this turn of events, but he liked the opportunity it was presenting. He could tease Jack endlessly. Jack was always collected and decisive. He was always frustrating and very good at flustering everyone, especially his superiors. It was a lot of fun for Marty to throw this back at him and have Jack restless and agitated. It was entertaining to watch, the look on his face was priceless!
"I wish I knew how she felt about me."
"I'll pass her a note in study hall and ask her to circle the answer…. Could you give the High School Drama a rest now? It's obvious Jack."
**
Sam went back to her quarters floating. ****I haven't felt this good since… well since before this whole thing started, and even then I wasn't all that happy. Sure I had Pete…**** It was at this point that guilt reared its ugly head. ****Should I tell him about Pete? No, it's not necessary… It doesn't even affect him… But still… It almost feels dishonest… like I'm lying to him or something… No, I'm not lying… I don't even know Pete yet…. Well, I do… but I don't… **** "This is so confusing!"
So rather than enjoy the rest of her evening and finally get some much needed rest, Sam spent the rest of the night in her bed tossing and turning trying to figure out whether or not to tell Jack about that aspect of their future, and missing Daniel and Teal'c terribly. When she had a problem, no matter what Daniel and Teal'c had to offer, it always made her feel more confident in herself and her decision. But now she was alone. Alone and guilty. What had started out as what she thought had the potential to be one of her fantasies come true, turned into a sleepless, tearful extravaganza.
**
Jack got onto base early the next day. He seemed to have a bit of a bounce in his step and it was scaring the airmen who knew him to death. They all thought that for sure either he had gone mad, or the world was about to end. Either scenario was not a promising prospect.
After stopping off at his office Jack made his way over to the lab, hoping that he had beaten Sam in. He walked by the open door of the lab first, looking in slightly as he passed, trying to casually see if there was anyone in the room. With two more passes he determined that the lab was empty, and he went in. He found Carter's desk. It was toward the back of the lab, in a corner. He pulled the small pink rosebud from inside his standard issue jacket and laid it carefully on the desk. He thought for a second about leaving a note, but decided that he wouldn't know what to write. So he simply left the small flower in the middle of her desk where she was sure to see it.
**
Sam hardly slept at all. Somewhere in the middle of her tossing she came to the decision to tell Jack about Pete and hope that he understood why she had made that decision ten years later. ****God, I hope he understands… This is crazy… I don't know why I said yes… **** That much wasn't entirely true. Sam said yes to Pete because she was tired of being alone. She was tired of being just `Soldier Sam.' She wanted more from life, and she thought that she could be happy with Pete. But she slowly began to realize that she was fooling herself. She didn't really love Pete, she couldn't. Her heart belonged to Jack. She was going to break if off with Pete eventually. She had to. It wouldn't have been fair to Pete to drag it on. But she didn't get that chance. Jack died, and she felt as if her life might as well have ended too.
She got to the lab later than usually and was in no mood to concentrate. She needed industrial strength coffee in a big way. She just had to drop her files off on her desk and then she would head to the commissary.
She walked into the lab and was greeted by a group of staring lab techs. As she made her way to her desk, she heard someone in the background whisper "Sammie's got a secret admirer."
As soon as those words floated into the air she heard another, more familiar voice come from behind her "My daughter has an admirer?"
****Dad? This isn't right. This didn't happen ten years ago.**** "Dad? This is a surprise. What are you doing here?"
"I came to see how my little girl was doing."
Sam finally looked down at her desk and saw the small rose. Then she lifted her eyes to the many faces staring at her from around the room. ****This is just great.**** "Dad, do you think we can maybe talk somewhere else?" She didn't wait for him to answer. She just started walking toward the lab door. Jacob turned to follow her, but something made him stop. He turned back toward her desk and saw the flower. He picked it up and then followed her out of the lab.
"Back to work everyone! That's an order." He bellowed as he exited the lab behind Sam.
**
"What are you doing here?"
"Is that a nice way to greet your father?"
"Oh, um, I'm sorry Dad, I've just had very little sleep the past few nights."
"Is this the reason?" Jacob pulled the rosebud out from behind his back. Sam was caught off guard. "Who's this from Sammie?"
"Umm... I don't know" ****Ok, it's probably from Jack… Aww.. he gave me a flower!! Wait wait, back to the situation at hand. I don't know for sure it's from Jack, so I didn't exactly just lie to my father.****
"You don't know? Could it be from that Jonas you've been seeing? He seems like a nice kid."
"Actually Dad, we broke up." ****And he really wasn't all that nice! ****
"Actually Sam, I knew that."
"You knew?"
"Yeah. I found out that Jonas had a run-in with Colonel Jack O'Neill at a party. Turns out he was pretty drunk and tried to assault someone there. Colonel O'Neill subdued him… Do you know the Colonel?"
****Oh God… Now what do I say? Do I lie? Does he know that Jonas tried to attack me? How much does he know? Why is he asking me this? ****
"Uhh… yeah, I know Colonel O'Neill."
"Yeah, I thought you did." He let out a sigh and then looked Sam over before continuing, "Did Jonas hurt you that night?"
****Whew… Picked the right answers so far.**** "No Dad, I was fine. He was just upset that I broke things off with him. Colonel O'Neill took care of him." Not wanting to sound like she had shown weakness in front of other officers, she quickly added, "I could have taken care of myself, but my wrist was still hurting pretty badly."
They had just made it to the commissary and Sam thought that maybe she'd be able to get out of this conversation by getting some coffee. She was wrong. As she entered she noticed that Jack was walking toward the door and he spotted her, but not her father.
"Hey Sa-"
"Colonel! Nice to see you again, Sir." She interrupted him before he could get her name out. He was confused at first, but then saw the general behind her and understood.
"Good morning Captain Carter." Then he turned toward Jacob and snapped to attention. "Sir!"
Jacob returned his salute. "At ease Colonel. This is the mess after all."
"Yes Sir." With that, any intention Jack had of staying to have a cup of coffee with Sam went flying out the window at the speed of light. "If you'll excuse me Sir," and he turned to Sam "Captain," He winked at her as he left and Sam prayed that Jacob hadn't caught it.
"He worries me."
"Why?"
"I don't know. He seems… reckless… no respect for authority."
"I think it's more like no respect for authority that doesn't respect him."
"Interesting opinion, but what makes you say that?"
****Do I come clean now or later?**** "Well Dad, I've heard a lot about Colonel O'Neill, I mean from those under his command, they respect him and they trust him." ****Not a lie, not really, it's just that those conversations haven't actually happened yet.**** With that she walked away from him and back to her lab.
"I see."
**
Later, Sam was in her lab finishing an experiment and thinking. She was trying to figure out what she should do with her life. So much had changed already, and yet so much stayed the same. She was still Samantha Carter. She was still intelligent. She was still in the air force and moving up quickly. And, she was still hopelessly in love with Jack O'Neill. But there were other things that were very different. She knew too much of the future, but she had already altered that timeline, sure, it wasn't something that she hadn't done before, but this time she had to actually relive the past, and as it stood at the moment, she had no way of getting back to the future. All this was swimming around in her head, but the thought that was confusing her most had almost nothing to do with time travel. The thought that was foremost in her mind was that she wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset that she hadn't seen Jack all day after their meeting in the commissary that morning.
She went back to her quarters and sat on her bed. "What am I going to do? Should I get as far from here as possible? Do I risk not being involved in the Stargate program? And if I do that, does that make the whole reason I went through with this insane plan worthless? Can I walk away? Do I have the right?"
Sam laid down and covered her head with her pillow. In her head she saw Teal'c when they had first found him as first prime to Apophis, then she saw Daniel, and Janet, and Cassie and countless other people she had met at the SGC. The images were fuzzy and blurred but as she shut her eyes tighter they started to clear, and just before the colors became too bright for her to bear, she saw Jack on the floor of the gateroom shot in the back and dying. Then, just as suddenly, everything faded.
She lifted her head and dropped her pillow. "I think I need to decide what I want, and then figure out how I can get to that point." When all else failed, Sam knew that she could always count on logic.
"Ok." Talking out loud always seemed to make things clearer to Sam. It was almost like giving a voice to these things made them more real and attainable, or just made them a little simpler because she could put a name to them. Anything she could explain, she could fix. She hoped this wasn't an exception.
When Sam tried to figure things like this out she had a method. When she was a little girl and she had to think of what she wanted for her birthday, she would close herself in her room and sit on her bed, cross her legs, close her eyes, and try to clear her head. Once she was certain that her mind was blank, she let thoughts creep into the edge of her consciousness. Pictures would appear slowly, and some would repeat. The thing that repeated the most was what she would ask for. This technique always worked for Sam in the past, and now she figured that this was the best method she had to solve this dilemma. Of course there was the one year when she asked for a pony and didn't get it, but she figured that she would get to the `how' part of the equation later.
Sam closed her eyes and sat cross-legged on her bed. She pushed all of her thoughts and worries away knowing that whatever was most important to her right then would surface shortly and then she would deal with it in a logical manner. She exhaled slowly and tried to sink deeper into nothingness and let it envelope her completely. After a short time longer Sam knew she was ready. She took a long breath and tried to slowly let images take form, almost wondering what she'd see.
**
Sam opened her eyes two hours later, she had fallen asleep. But, she knew what she wanted. She wasn't entirely sure how to get it, and she definitely didn't know if the cost was worth the gain, but she knew she had to try.
She realized, somewhere between awake and asleep that although one image hadn't repeated itself more than any other, all of her images featured Jack. Really all this did was assert what she knew to be true. Jack was most important to her. That's why she came back in the first place.
The problem that she faced now was that if she tried to pursue Jack in a non-military way, she knew she wouldn't be placed under his command. That meant that she wouldn't be placed on SG-1 and that thought made her miss the future she had left terribly.
Suddenly something occurred to her that gave her some hope. Her assignment to the SGC was at least another year and a half away. A lot can happen in that time, and maybe, just maybe she could find a way to make all of the pieces fit. She also came to another decision; she was going to live her life from this point as if she was doing it for the first time. She wasn't going to concern herself with the future and what is going to happen because it might not happen. The only aspect of her life that she was going to be careful to insure comes to pass was that she had some involvement with the SGC. She needed to find Daniel and Teal'c and make sure that Earth was kept safe. She knew that with her knowledge of the gate, and with a little help from her father, she could probably get herself into the program. Where in the program she wasn't sure, but she'd be there and that was all she could hope for. As for the rest, she wasn't going to treat her whole life from that point on as some kind of re-run, it was too much for her psyche to handle.
Feeling totally exhausted from her efforts, Sam flopped back down on her bed and fell asleep almost instantly, hoping to stay asleep at least until the next morning.
About an hour later there was a knock on her door.
**
End Chapter 3:
Author's note: Ok, I know that the cliffhanger thing is getting old, I just don't know how to end these things. I hope I haven't disappointed anyone with this chapter, I'm not all that confident in it, but I think I know where I'm going, and with a couple more chapters I think I'll be there. I'd like to thank everyone who's still reading for the confidence you all have given me to continue. I'm sorry I'm so slow with the updates, but bear with me please.
**
Chapter 4:
"Could you gentlemen please tell me why I'm here?" Asked a man with a voice so deep it reverberated in the chest of every person in the room.
"We've made a discovery."
There was silence.
"We've found an artifact. We believe it is a gateway, or portal of some type. We have an archeologist analyzing and translating the symbols on it."
"Why does this concern me?"
"He thinks he knows how to use the device."
"Who is this person?"
"His name is Daniel Jackson."
"Why are you wasting my time? That man isn't an authority. He's laughed at in his community."
"With all do respect, his findings and translations make sense-" A phone chirped loudly in the nearly empty room. "Yes?" The voice on the line seemed excited, but was still too soft to hear. "I see… I'll make sure he is informed." He then hung up. "Apparently our laughing-stock has managed to operate the device."
Taken aback, the deep-voiced man asked "What does this mean?"
Another voice, higher and with a slight lisp responded "It means that we have just opened a gateway to another planet."
The deep-voiced man paused, then asked "Is this gateway something that can be used against us?" There was silence in the room which was either meant to signify assent, or knowledge not yet obtained. "I see…" The deep-voiced man turn to his left and asked "Who do we have?"
The man to his left responded "We don't have many Sir. There's Hall, Baker, Furrel…"
"No, not good enough."
"There really aren't that many left Sir, after the Gulf, the POWs either retired or were forced to."
The man with the lisp piped up. "Why POWs?"
The deep-voiced man chuckled, and the man to his left responded. "Madness is a forgivable excuse"
"What about O'Neill?"
"I don't think so Sir."
"Why not? Will he be missed?"
"No, of course not. He's just too unstable, can't be trusted."
"Then he's perfect."
**
Jack was sitting in his office after his close encounter with General Carter. Marty walked in and sat across from him at his desk. Jack seemed to be off in another world. Marty drummed his fingers on Jack's desk for a while and then asked "What's eating you?"
"He hates me."
"I'm sorry?"
"He hates me."
Marty looked at Jack, and around the room. "I'm sorry Jack, maybe I've stepped into another dimension, but last I checked, everything was coming up roses, and you were straight."
Jack dug the palms of his hands into his eyes. "God Marty, you know I hate clichés."
"Yeah, that's why I use them." When Jack remained motionless he continued to prod. "Are you gonna tell me who the mystery man is, or shall I try guessing again?"
"Please spare me." He paused. "It's General Carter."
"She asked you to meet her parents already? Moving a little fast Jack."
"No, we kinda bumped into each other in the commissary this morning. Her father was behind her."
"And you met?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Ok! I think I might have said ten words to the man, but I could tell. I can read people."
"Jack, don't you think you might be over-reacting just a touch?"
There was a knock at the door effectively cutting off Jack's reply. Before Jack could tell whoever it was to come in, the door burst open. "General Taylor wants to see you right away Sir!"
Jack looked at Marty and then asked the airmen "Which one of us?"
Before the young airmen could answer, Marty whispered "It's your office Jack, odds are the general wants to see you."
"Yeah, you're probably right." He stood and moved toward the door to his office. "Thank you Airmen, you may go."
"Yes Sir!"
"Jack?" Marty asked just as Jack was leaving.
"Yeah?"
"I bet you're in trouble!"
Jack rolled his eyes at his friend and slammed the door as he exited.
**
"You leave for Colorado Springs in two days Colonel, understood?"
"Sir, with respect, I can't"
"Colonel O'Neill, you do not have a choice in this matter. You are being ordered to undertake this mission. Its duration is approximately three months. You will be further informed when you reach the base. You may not reveal the details of this mission to anyone. When you are in Colorado, you will operate in total secrecy. No contact of any kind with anyone off the base. If you choose not to comply you will be considered AWOL and dealt with accordingly. Do I make myself clear?"
Jack was quiet a moment. ****None of this makes sense. He won't even tell me what I'm going to be doing there.**** "What mission exactly am I undertaking Sir?"
"You will be given the details when you reach the mountain base in Colorado. For now that is all you need to know."
****Crap!**** "Sir, this is really difficult for me to accept. You can't expect me to go on a mission without at least some clue about it."
"Actually Colonel, I can."
Jack was starting to turn red, but controlled himself admirable. He tried to think of some way to gain the upper hand with the general. "And if I resign Sir?"
"You won't Colonel. Do I make myself CLEAR?"
Jack realized he was defeated and said, with more than a little resentment, "Crystal Sir."
The general almost smiled, he made a face that made Jack nervous about this mission, and then said "Good. You are hereby on leave until you arrive on base at Cheyenne Mountain. Dismissed!"
**
Jack almost knocked Marty over on his way back to his office. "Let me guess, it didn't go well with the general?"
"No, it didn't."
"What did you do now Jack?"
"Nothing."
"Now why don't I believe that?"
"I need to get out of here. The general has placed me on leave until I assume my position in Colorado the day after tomorrow."
Marty froze in place but Jack kept walking. "Jack! Wait!"
Jack stopped and Marty caught up. "Yeah, Colorado. For three months, no I can't talk about the mission, yes, I'm upset."
"Ok, wait a second. Let's go get some lunch before you go."
"Off base."
"Works for me."
**
"I think I'm cursed Marty."
"Cursed?"
"I don't know, it just seems that I had the chance to be happy and now… now God only knows what's gonna happen."
"Jack, you're over-reacting. It'll be okay. Have you spoken to her?"
"Not since this morning."
"Maybe you should. See what she thinks, how she wants to handle it." Marty took a bite of his sandwich and looked across the table at Jack who hadn't touched his yet.
"That's the whole thing Marty. What if she doesn't want to handle it?"
Marty sighed. "There's nothing you can do Jack. You have to go. Between me, my sister, and your parents, we've got Charlie taken care of. You have to talk to Sam."
"Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to tell her. I can't say anything about the mission, not that I know very much about it. All I can tell her is what I've told you."
"You can tell her that you care about her, and that you want something to happen between the two of you. That is what you want, right?"
"I really don't want to go Marty. I don't want to be so far from her. I know it sounds pathetically immature but I miss her when I'm not around her. I know I don't know her for very long, but ever since that night, I just can't get her out of my head. And now for three months I won't even be able to talk to her."
"Jack, you should tell her that. Tell her that you're going to miss her. You're a charmer Jack, you can do this."
"I don't want to charm her. I just want to be with her."
"Ok, ok, calm down. Three months is not forever. I think it might even be good for you. You're getting very attached very quickly."
"Maybe you're right."
"Go talk to her."
**
When Marty and Jack left the diner they ate lunch at, Marty assumed that Jack went to go talk to Captain Carter. Jack intended to do just that, but on his way back to the base, he lost his nerve and ended up sitting on his couch talking to himself. "I need to get a grip here. This is insane. What happened to Jack O'Neill the fearless? When did I become so scared? And of a scientist no less!" Who am I kidding, she's beautiful, and smart, and for some reason she seems to like me, that's why I'm shaking in my boots. That, and the fact that I think I'm in love with her. That would probably scare the pants off of anyone. Even General Taylor! Wow, that's not an image I'm enjoying, especially after the conversation in his office today."
Jack ended up thinking and talking to himself for hours. Finally a thought popped into his head that forced him off his couch and out to find Sam. ****Sam's from the future, if that's true, maybe she knows what all this is about! Maybe she can tell me what's going to happen in three months, and hopefully she'll tell me that she'll be here waiting for me when I get back!****
With that thought, Jack made his way over to Sam's quarters and knocked on the door. He hoped she wasn't asleep.
**
"All right, all right, I'm coming!" Sam got up and walked to the door. She was a little annoyed at the impatient banging coming from the other side. She opened the door, intending to tell whoever was on the other side to go take a long walk off a short pier, but when she saw Jack, her annoyance melted quickly, she half smiled at him and looked down.
When she didn't say anything, and made no move away from the door, Jack said "Hi, umm.. I kinda need to talk to you."
He sounded nervous and suddenly Sam didn't feel so well. She didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say, she knew, just by the way he was standing that it wasn't good news. She just hoped it wasn't THAT bad. "Uhh… sure… do you want to talk here or somewhere else?"
"I was hoping you'd come over to my place, Marty's going to be dropping Charlie off in a half hour."
"Sure, no problem."
**
The walk to Jack's quarters was nothing short of torture for both Jack and Sam. Sam was stuck in her own thoughts, dreading whatever it was that Jack had to tell her, and Jack was desperately trying to hang on to the hope that his temporary reassignment wasn't dooming him.
Sam noticed that he was walking now much like he did on "bad" missions, the ones that irked him for some reason but he always tried to hide it. He was taking determined, even, steady strides, and, although Sam might be the only one who noticed, he was painfully alert. She knew that he was nervous about something. She started to search her memory trying to figure out what happened at this point in history that would cause him to act in such a way.
Finally, they reached Jack's door. Jack hadn't said a word the entire time and that was unnerving Sam. She didn't understand what happened. This younger version was so open with her. Why would he stop talking now?
Jack opened the door and motioned her inside. He was desperately trying to figure out how to begin. Luckily Sam began for him.
"Look Jack, are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or should I just start guessing?'
Jack laughed a little at that before saying "You are starting to sound a lot like Marty. I definitely need to keep you two away from each other." That seemed to lighten the mood enough for Jack to get a little more courage, but not much. Deciding to be brave, or maybe even foolish, he took a deep breath, and Sam visibly braced herself. "I got some news from General Taylor today."
"Good or bad?"
"Uhh… I think you might be the one to decide that."
"Me?"
"You see, the thing is that you might know more about it than I do."
"I don't really understand."
"See, that's the thing, neither do I. All the General told me was that effective… well, I guess effective immediately, I'm reassigned to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, in Colorado Springs. I'm not allowed to tell anyone anything about my mission, and I can't have any contact with anyone outside the base during my time there." Sam's eyes were wide, and there was a hint of understanding behind them. Jack paused, "Oh, so you do know something about this."
Sam thought for a minute. ****The timing is wrong. This isn't supposed to happen now. I haven't done any work on the Stargate yet. He didn't retire. He's not suicidal. Oh no! I think I may have made a big mistake coming back here!**** "Jack, I don't know exactly how to tell you this."
"Well, it can't be that bad right? I mean it's not like I'm going to die." Sam looked away at his words. "Sam? Sam! You told me I die ten years from now! What's going on?!"
She looked back and him, took a deep breath and continued. ****Ok, this one's for all the marbles.**** "It's the first Abydos mission Jack, I think."
Jack looked confused. "You think?" He moved closer to her almost as if the closer he got, the better he would understand what was going on.
"Yeah, uhh… It's not supposed to happen this way, at least this isn't how I remembered it happening last time. But then again there have been other things that have happened that aren't right either, like my dad."
"And Charlie."
"And Jonas"
Jack laughed. "Can I ask you what you saw in him?"
"To be honest, I really don't remember."
"It wasn't that long ago Sam."
"For me it was a lifetime ago. Besides, I'm interested in someone else now."
Jack wasn't entire sure but he could almost swear that she winked at him as she said that. Feeling playful, he asked, "Anyone I know?"
"Oh, I don't know if you know him." Then she lowered her voice to a whisper as if she wanted to keep it a secret, even though they were the only two people in his quarters. "He's a Colonel in the Air Force."
Jack, playing along whispered back. "I know a lot of Colonels. Why don't you tell me his name and I'll put in a good word for you."
"First you have to promise not to tell."
"Cross my heart." They were still whispering.
"Come closer. I'll tell you in your ear."
"Ok." Jack starting moving closer to her still. He was drawn to her soft voice beckoning him to her.
Sam reached up slightly toward his ear. "His name is-"
"Hi Dad!" Charlie burst through the front door and bounded up to Jack. When he saw Sam he stopped and his faced lit up. "Hi Sam! Long time no see! What's new?"
Sam bent to Charlie's level, "Nothing's new Charlie, just stopping by for a visit. How are you?"
Marty walked in the door and after seeing Sam there, motioned to Jack. Jack went over to him while Sam talked to Charlie. "What's up Marty?"
"You talk to her yet."
"Ahh… no… not really."
"Why am I not surprised? Fearless Jack O'Neill my ass!"
"C'mon Marty, cut me a break, I'm trying."
"You're lucky you've got me on your side you know. Hey Charlie!"
Charlie turned from Sam when Marty called his name. "Yeah?"
"Wanna go for icecream?"
Charlie looked like he was about to jump up and down excitedly, but then though better of it and asked, "Can I go Dad?"
"Yeah Dad, can he go?" Marty was looking Jack in the eye trying to get him to understand what he was doing.
Jack took the hint.
**
End Chapter 4:
Author's note: I realize it has taken FOREVER for me to post this chapter, but I'm having something close to writer's block when it comes to this story! That being said, I really appreciate everyone who's stuck it out with me here and e-mailed me and even posted to forums asking about this story. For a while life got in the way… but right now I have no excuses. With any luck I'll be posting a fifth chapter soon!
Again, thank you to all of you who are still with me and patiently waiting. Also, whoever it was that nominated me for the Sam and Jack awards for best A/U, thank you very much, it was an honor!
**
Chapter 5:
As th e door shut behind Marty and Charlie, Jack found himself with renewed hesitation. ****How am I gonna do this? I can't leave.**** He sighed loudly.
"Jack." Sam called to him. Seeing his obvious dread, she decided to tell him the truth, even if he wasn't ready for it. Jack turned to her at the sound of his name, seeming to know that she was about to tell him whether or not life would be worth living three months from now. "I'm just going to come out and say this because I don't know how to sugar coat it." Jack nodded his understanding and sat down next to her. "If this is the first Abydos mission, you're going to go through the Stargate with Daniel to another world." Jack's eyes regained a little of their light. Sam closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath before continuing. "The problem is that it's a suicide mission. You're supposed to destroy the Stargate on the Abydos side."
Jack looked up at her, apprehension in his eyes. "But you said that I died ten years from now. That's not how you described it." He wasn't questioning her, just asking for an explanation.
"At the time everyone thought that because of the recent… umm… accident-"
"You mean with Charlie."
"Uhh… right... they thought you'd be suicidal… that you'd… want to…"
"But I'm not, and I don't!"
"I know. I don't understand it. The timing's not right either. I'm supposed to be involved before the mission."
Jack could feel it in his bones. There was no way, no matter what he was going through could he possibly complete the mission orders Sam was describing, in any time line. "I didn't destroy the gate."
"No, you didn't." She smiled at him. A real `light the room up' smile. She was proud of that moment in the future Jack O'Neill's life. He proved his worth to her in that moment which seemed, to her, so long ago. In fact, although she'd never admit it, that was probably one of the moments that made her love him. Even though it happened before she actually met him. "You didn't destroy anything. You managed to take out the `bad guys,' get your men home, and in effect, start the Stargate program. You're a hero."
Jack realized that he didn't really care about the mission, and that whether it took 3 months, 3 days, 3 years, or 3 seconds, the only thing he really cared about was whether or not he'd have a Samantha Carter to come home to after it was over. He turned to her then and looked at her. ****God, I need her.**** His stomach ached terribly. He knew that by the end of the evening, no matter the outcome, good or bad, he'd be an emotional train wreck. Risk taking was part of the life he chose for himself. So, without thinking about it any further, he took a risk. "Will you be here when I get back?"
Not realizing what Jack was actually asking her, Sam took his question as `where will you be when I get back?' She really wasn't sure where she would be assigned in three months time. She should be gearing up for her involvement in the Stargate program, but she wasn't sure, especially now, so she answered honestly. "I don't know."
Jack let out a painful breath and turned away from Sam. He felt as if whatever was holding him up suddenly disappeared and left his insides to fall into his shoes. Instantly he began to berate himself. ****What was I thinking?? God, I'm so dumb sometimes! She's beautiful, and young, and smart. How could I even think that she'd give up three months of her life waiting for a cranky old bastard like me?****
He looked absolutely defeated and Sam was confused. "Jack, nothing is going along with the timeline I came from. In three months time I could be anywhere."
****Pull it together Jack, you're making her feel sorry for you and uncomfortable.**** "I know Sam, I'm sorry, I just thought that… well… I wanted something to… ah crap" Jack couldn't seem to stop the flood of words coming out of his mouth. He knew that if he didn't regain his composure he was definitely going to start begging her to wait for him. "I was just hoping that we could…" He looked at her and saw something that gave him a reason to keep breathing: Confusion. For half a second hope burst into his mind and his heart. ****Could it be possible that she actually has no idea what it is that I'm asking her?**** Figuring that he already made an ass of himself, he took that one step further to make his intentions abundantly clear. He took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Sam, I'm not asking you if you'll be HERE on THIS BASE."
"You're not?"
"No." Jack was gaining confidence, but his stomach was getting tighter and his nerves were raw.
Realization started to dawn on Sam, and with it excitement. She moved to invade Jack's personal space; getting closer to him made her skin flush, and her pulse quicken. She put the hand he wasn't holding on his cheek and looked him in the eyes before asking: "What are you asking me Jack?"
Her voice was breathy and her words came out in a half whisper that was tormenting him. He wanted to kiss her. Long and hot and hard. But at the same time he just wanted to hear her tell him that she'd wait for him, that she felt as much for him as he did for her. He couldn't speak though. Not with her so close to him, touching him. He didn't understand how he could have such basic urges and such overwhelming sensitivity revolving around the same person. It was driving him quickly insane. He couldn't figure out how he could possibly want someone with such ferocity and still love them so tenderly. It was tearing him apart.
He pulled away from her enough to think a bit more clearly and decided to lay it all on the table. "Sam, I wanted to know if you'd… wait for me?"
She moved closer to him again. "If I'd wait for you?"
"You're not making this easy you know." He said on a sigh.
She smiled at him, and totally knocked him off balance when she moved in and took his lips.
"Oh God…" He moaned softly. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him and gave himself over to the kiss. "I love you." Sam froze. The kiss stopped. Jack was surprised at the suddenness and missed the feeling of her soft lips terribly. ****Oh please don't tell me I said that out loud!****
Sam pulled away, but only enough to look in his eyes. "What did you just say?"
There was no escaping her. It was the truth and he was never really the type of person to hide, so he swallowed loudly and repeated himself clearly. "I love you."
She grabbed him so tightly she nearly knocked the wind out of him. He thought she was crying so he started to rub her back soothingly. Then he noticed that she was saying something. Whispering it in his ear. "I never thought I'd hear you say that… I'll wait for you Jack… I've been waiting forever… I love you."
Jack let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Suddenly everything felt ok. Even better than ok. He loved her and she loved him. Everything else would figure itself out. For once Jack O'Neill had a good shot at being happy. He held Sam close, enjoying the feel of her body on him. He took a deep breath and as he let it out he felt like a new day was beginning.
That's how Marty and Charlie found them. They were half dozing on the small couch when Marty and Charlie came back. Sam heard the door shut, but was too groggy to move quickly. She had just managed to sit up when Charlie bounded in and hopped up on the couch.
"Hi Sam!"
"Hey Charlie. What flavor ice cream did you get?"
"The green flavor."
"The green flavor?"
"Pistachio." Marty interjected. Then he turned to Jack. "Everything ok?"
Jack looked at Sam and then answered. "Yep, everything's fine."
Marty left soon after that claiming that he was on duty early in the morning. Jack insisted that he was lying but let him go just the same. Sam stayed later into the evening, and finally left just after Jack tucked Charlie in.
Jack walked her to the door. "Are you sure you won't stay?"
"Nah. As tempting as that offer is, I'd rather-"
"You'd rather wait. I figured that." He smiled at her through the corner of his mouth and then stepped toward her. "I can get a good night kiss right?" She smiled and stepped into his arms. He kissed her gently, making her toes curl and seriously shaking her resolved to leave. But just as she felt her inhibitions start to take flight, he ended the kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She looked at him just before she turned to the door. He looked rumpled, and messy, and totally adorable. "Get some sleep Jack. You look like hell."
He grinned sheepishly at her, and couldn't resist one last attempt at making her stay. "You could stay here and make sure I get some rest."
She opened the door and tossed a comment over her shoulder as she walked out. "If I stayed, you definitely wouldn't be resting." Then the door closed, and Jack sagged into it.
"I'm never going to be able to sleep now!" He said to the empty room.
**
Saying goodbye to Marty, Charlie, and Sam felt like the hardest thing he had ever done, but the kiss Sam left him with was so full of promise that he could hardly wait to get to Colorado. ****The sooner I get there, the sooner this thing gets finished, and I get to come back.****
He ended up at the mountain complex three hours before he was scheduled for a briefing. In that time he wanted to try and acquaint himself with the base as much as possible. He ended up running directly into Dr. Daniel Jackson. Well, truthfully, Daniel ended up walking into him.
"Oomph! I am so sorry."
"That's ok, I'm a little lost here, my fault."
"Well then, I'd be happy to show you around. I'm Daniel Jackson."
****Well, he sure does look geeky enough to be the Daniel Sam told me about.**** "Colonel Jack O'Neill." Jack held out his hand. Daniel seemed reluctant to take it.
"You're Jack?" He asked in disbelief.
Jack looked around before answering. "Uhh… that's the name on my underwear. Is there something wrong?" Daniel still didn't shake Jack's hand, so Jack dropped it to his side.
"Um.. no.. it's just that you're not at all what I expected. You seem very… uhh… calm. I'm sorry, probably not the best first impression to make."
"All right then Danny-boy… why don't we try this again? I'm Jack O'Neill."
This time Daniel put his hand out. "Daniel Jackson. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
**
Later that day Jack found out about the Stargate, and the planned trip through it. He spent a lot of time with Daniel, but was careful not to mention too much about what Sam had already told him about the program, or what to expect. He did happen to overhear someone saying that they needed to bring some more `intelligence' into the project, and he could swear that he heard a `Captain Carter' mentioned. This brought a smile to his face, but with it came a terrible longing and homesickness. ****I wish we could just get this show on the road.****
**
Five months later
There had been no word from Jack. With each passing day Sam grew more and more depressed. She was absolutely miserable. ****What have I done? I should have known better than to come back here! Jack is gone. I don't even know if he's still alive!**** She was miserable. Marty and Charlie would occasionally come to visit. Marty tried to comfort her the best he could, but as the days wore on and still there was no news about Jack, even he had few words of comfort.
Charlie was starting to lose his fire. Slowly a darkness was creeping in behind his eyes. As time went on he insisted on seeing Sam more regularly and soon he was spending most of his time with her. They seemed to cope better when they were together.
Early one evening Sam was in her quarters sitting at the small table across from Charlie. The sun was just about setting. Sam yawned. Charlie looked up suddenly.
"What was that??"
"Just a yawn."
"No, not that. I think there's someone at your door."
"I didn't hear anything."
Then there was a knock.
"Hear it that time?"
Sam threw him a small smile before going to the door. ****He's just like his father.**** That thought sent a pain stabbing into her gut. It was a familiar pain that only caused her to stop briefly before continuing to the door. "It's probably Marty checking up on us."
When she opened the door she nearly collapsed. In fact the only thing that kept her standing upright was that as soon as she opened the door. Jack pulled her into a tight embrace.
**
Chapter 6
The mission was taking entirely too long. By his estimation he should have been home over a month ago. Sam had said that after beating the `bad guys' he would leave Daniel and return to Earth. Fate, it seemed was keeping him away from what he wanted most.
The natives took an extreme liking to Jack. He was heralded as a hero, which of course, he was, but they wanted him to help in the forming of a new `government' which was a vast overestimation of what would actually end up being a set of rules etched into stone and displayed on the top of a monument. To make matters worse, they would of course not be written in anything remotely like English, so Jack had no hope of ever reading them.
Finally he had enough. ^^During the next check-in with Earth, I'm running through the gate. This is crazy. People MUST be wondering where I am. GOD! What about Charlie? I have got to get back home!^^
They were scheduled to dial Earth in two days local time. Jack was antsy. He couldn't sit still and he couldn't tell anyone of his plan, lest they try and stop him. He felt badly for Daniel. The man had become a good friend even if he was a bit over-exuberant, and got way too much amusement from looking at rocks, and it seemed the older they were the more excited he was to look. He had been avoiding Daniel. He knew that if he was in his presence for too long, Daniel would know that something was up. Although Jack was normally very good at hiding any scheme he came up with, Daniel read him like a book. As much as this unnerved Jack, he did think that he would miss Daniel after leaving this place.
Finally the day arrived. Jack tried not to bounce on his toes too much. His team had been changing with every check-in. He was with a totally new team. The only original member, besides himself was Daniel. He knew the routine by now. He would report to whoever was listening (although lately there weren't too many people interested; the general lost interest long ago) and then a new squad would be brought in. After the gate disengaged, Abydos would dial Earth. Then the old team would go back home. This time he would be with them. He didn't care about the consequences anymore. He was sick of following orders and being stuck on this planet while his life (whatever was left of it) went on without him.
The only thing that dissuaded him a bit from his plan was the notion that he could be jailed. He really didn't care about incarceration, as long as he could have visitors. Then at least it wouldn't all be for nothing. ^^But what if I can't?^^ Jack tried not to think about that possibility too much.
The gate swooshed open and Jack thought that even though he was sick of this place, he's never tire of seeing the gate in action. Jack was surprised to hear a new voice come through the gate. "Colonel O'Neill?"
"Present"
"Colonel O'Neill this is General Hammond."
Realizing the lack of respect he had just shown a superior officer, he responded "General, sir, it's nice to meet you sir."
"Likewise Colonel. Have you anything to report?"
"Just the usual sir, a lot of sun and a lot of heat. Other than that, all's quiet on the western front."
"Very good Colonel. If there's nothing further, I'll be sending new troops in now, then I'll disengaged. We'll check in again in another two weeks local time. Understood?"
Even though Jack wasn't expecting to be told he could go home, he couldn't help but feel disappointed that the new general didn't allow him to. He responded to the general with very little enthusiasm "Yes sir."
"Colonel, you sound less than thrilled about this assignment. Need I remind you that you are a pioneer? You have traversed space in a way that many only imagined possible and have secured a planet in desperate need of help."
^^He makes it sound so important, and yet, if I am a hero, why won't they let me come home?^^ "Yes sir. I appreciate my opportunity and do wish to stay." ^^I can't believe anyone would fall for that lie.^^
"That's funny Colonel because it seemed to me that you were homesick." That got Jack's attention. He looked up even though he was only looking into the blue pool of the gate. "I was going to tell you to name your second in command and come home. But if you'd prefer to stay-"
"Sir! Major Gothe will do just fine." Jack cut him off. The general laughed.
"Just as I thought O'Neill. We'll disengage and I'll see you back on Earth within the hour."
"Yes sir, thank you sir."
With that the general signed off and the replacements came through the gate. Jack ran to his quarters (which were basically a glorified tent) as fast as he could. Once inside he dropped to his knees and shouted "YES!!" He had already packed his things (after all he had planned on going back to Earth today) and sought out Daniel to say his goodbyes, although he felt an almost certainty that their paths would cross again.
**
Charlie was just too stunned to move. He couldn't believe that after so long his father was actually home. He shook himself, blinked twice, and then yelled "DAD!!" and ran to his father. He started to cry somewhere between sitting at the table and jumping into Jack's arms. With tears streaming down his face he said "I'm so glad you're home."
Sam recovered from her near-faint and after hearing Charlie's tearful hello, she said "Oh, I'm so sorry." She started to stand. "I should give you two some time alone."
Both Jack and Charlie held her firm. Charlie spoke first. "Don't go Sam, please don't go."
Sam and Jack knelt down to Charlie's height and hugged him. They stayed that way for a long time.
**
Marty called about an hour later and invited them to his house for a "Welcome back dinner." Sam couldn't attend because she received an urgent message from General West requiring her presence at Edwards Air Force Base early the next morning. Jack was more than a little upset but she promised that as soon as she returned from California they would "talk."
At dinner Jack was very quiet. Marty and Charlie took his silence as depression over Sam's leaving so soon after he returned, but this wasn't the reason. Jack was thinking. He looked at Charlie. > "Charlie, can I ask you something?"
"Sure Dad, what's up?"
"Uhh… do you like Sam?"
Marty stood up. "I think I'm going to go watch TV for a while. You guys call me if you need me."
Jack nodded his appreciation before asking Charlie again. "How about it buddy… What do you think of Sam?"
"I like her." Charlie turned back to his spaghetti.
"How much?"
"How much what"? He asked with his mouth full.
"How much do you like Sam?" Before Charlie could answer Jack continued "Chew, swallow, answer, in that order."
After he finished, he responded: "Dad, when you were away I spent almost all the time with Sam. She made me feel better."
"You did?"
Charlie didn't respond. He looked down into his bowl. "Why do you wanna know if I like Sam?"
"I was just thinking that *I* really like Sam, and I was hoping that it would be all right with you if she was around a little more often."
Charlie looked at his father with a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "I think that's a really good idea."
**
Sam had just received her orders to report to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex in three months time to begin her work on the Stargate Program and to become a member of SG-1. Until that time she was to read up on all those involved with the program and to familiarize herself with the most current information about the Stargate, and how it was thought to have worked. She laughed to herself a bit about that part. No one knew the Stargate better than Sam Carter, especially this `future' Sam Carter.
She was just walking toward he quarters on base when the short hairs on the back of her neck started to stand. Not in a bad way though. Not at all.
"Sam!" She turned to see Jack and Charlie standing behind her. Charlie ran over to her and gave her a big hug.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"We missed you." Charlie replied.
Sam looked at Jack. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, it's so." Jack responded. "Wanna grab some dinner?"
"Sure. Where to?"
"Uhh… I was thinking Vegas."
"Vegas? That's over four hours from here!"
"No it's not."
"Jack, it's almost 230 miles away."
"So?"
"SO that's a long way to drive for food."
"Who said anything about driving?"
**
It was times like these that Jack relished the fact that he was an air force colonel who had saved lives on many occasions. It was for this reason that it was relatively easy for Jack to get a flight from Edwards to Las Vegas, Nevada.
Once there though he started to get nervous. Sam didn't seem to have any idea what it was that Jack was trying to accomplish by bringing her to Vegas, other than of course to eat. Because of Sam's lack of intuition, Jack was starting to lose his nerve.
Sitting in a small restaurant just on the edge of the city Charlie noticed his father's anxiety. There was very little conversation and Charlie, for the first time in his young life, realized that sometimes even grown-ups need help. So, having recognized the need to do something, he now had to figure out what to do. "I need to use the bathroom."
"Sure buddy, excuse us a minute Sam."
"No, I want Sam to take me." He turned to Sam. "Will you take me? Please?"
Sam looked at Jack then smiled at Charlie. "Sure, cmon."
They made their way toward the back of the place where the restrooms were. "I'll wait for you outside the men's room ok?"
Charlie looked at Sam and sighed heavily. ^^I guess it's now or never.^^ "Uhh, I don't have to use the bathroom Sam."
"You don't?"
"Ahh, no…"
Sam was confused. "Then why did you ask me to take you to the bathroom."
"Because my dad needed my help."
Now Sam was more confused. "I don't think I understand Charlie."
Charlie sighed again and shook his head. "I know you don't. That's why I needed to get you away from the table. To help you understand."
"Uhh… ok Charlie."
He knew she was humoring him, even though he wasn't exactly sure what `humoring' is. He decided to ignore her and just hope that she listened to him long enough to realize that he wasn't just being an impulsive kid. Maybe he could get past what Marty told him would be their problem. They couldn't see the forest for the trees.
"What happens in Las Vegas Sam?"
"Lots of gambling."
"What else?"
"Uhh… Charlie I think you might be too young to know the particulars of what else goes on here."
"Come on Sam. Think."
^^He sounds like his father. Well, at least he sounds like what his father will sound like.^^ "I don't know Charlie. I guess there are a lot of weddings here."
Charlie started walking back to the table. After about three steps he looked over his shoulder at Sam. "I knew you'd get it eventually."
She watched his four foot form stroll back to the table with his hands in his front pockets. He was like a mini-Jack. It caught her off-guard. She started to walk back to the table after him and then suddenly stopped. It hit her. It took some time to set in but now it hit her. Jack was going to propose. She turned on her heel as if she was commanded to `about-face' and headed into the ladies room.
**
"Where'd Sam go?"
"She had to use the bathroom. What are you doing Dad?"
"Eating."
"Dad, the one person the stupid act is DEFINITELY not going to work on is your son."
"I've got to keep you away from Marty."
"No Dad , what you need to do is talk to Sam."
"Charlie-"
"Don't dad. Come on. You guys are unbelievable. Could you please get your act together here? I thought the point of all this was to finally be happy?"
"It is Charlie. But it's more complicated than that. You don't understand."
"Yes I do!" Charlie was getting frustrated. Sometimes it was hard to be a kid, especially a smart one. "You're the best dad in the whole world, but right now you're being a chicken." There was movement at the back of the restaurant. Sam was emerging from the bathroom, finally able to face Jack. "Dad, you can do this. This is the easy part."
Sam got back to the table looking flushed. Jack was still staring at Charlie. "Is everything ok?"
Charlie mouthed `Ask her'
"Yeah, everything's fine. Uhh… would you mind if we left?"
"DAD!"
"Not now Charlie."
"But dad!"
Jack knelt down next to him and whispered "I don't want an audience for this."
"There's no one here Dad."
Jack looked around and realized that the place was in fact empty. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. Charlie pulled Sam over the where he was now standing and took a few steps back, hoping that his father would take the hint and the opportunity.
Jack was still on his knee but now had Sam standing over him. He looked down for a second and took a deep breath. ^^ It's now or never.^^ Taking Sam's hand and looking up and into her eyes he asked, "Sam, will you marry me?"
Almost before the question was out of his mouth, Sam answered "Yes!"
Charlie ran over to the pay phone in the back of the restaurant and dialed. After three rings it picked up, he said two words into the receiver: "Mission Accomplished."
Chapter 7:
"General you can't put Sam Carter on my team. I can't work with her."
"Colonel O'Neill, don't you think you're being unreasonable here? Captain Carter is one of the smartest people on the planet and a very distinguished soldier. I can't imagine why you would object to having her on your team."
"Sir, she can't be-"
"Colonel she's on the team and that's FINAL."
"But Sir!"
"Not another word Colonel or you'll be court-marshaled."
"That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid Sir. That seemed to get the general's attention. He fixed Jack with a look that screamed `explain." "Samantha Carter is my wife." He thrust his marriage license at Hammond. He expected this battle, especially after being warned by Sam that she was slotted to be the fourth member of the original SG-1 scheduled to return to Abydos.
For a moment the general as dumbfounded. ^^How could I not have been aware of this? Is this even permitted?^^ "Colonel, what is the meaning of this?"
"I thought the meaning was obvious Sir."
"I wouldn't push my luck here son. Let's try to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. WALTER!!"
"Yes Sir?"
"Please bring in Captain Carter."
"Yes Sir."
"Captain, it's nice to finally meet you. Please come in. It appears we have a situation on our hands here."
"Yes, about that Sir I was hoping I could explain."
"Let's save the explanations. I'm going to ask a few questions. You two are going to answer and then I'm going to make a decision and hopefully I'll never have to deal with this again."
Not sure if they were permitted to speak, Jack and Sam glanced at each other briefly and nodded slightly.
"Good. Ok. First question: How long have you two been married?"
"About three months Sir." Jack replied.
"That's not true Jack."
"Something wrong?" Hammond was becoming confused.
"No Sir. It's just that we were supposed to get married three months ago while we were in Nevada but it turned out that although we got married it didn't count." Even to her own ears Sam's explanation sounded sketchy.
"It didn't count?"
"No Sir."
"So you're not married?"
"We are."
"Then I'll ask again." The general was becoming increasingly irritable. "How long have you been married?"
"Three months." Jack responded
"Three weeks." Sam said.
Sensing the general's declining patience, Jack tried to explain. "Sir, three months ago in Las Vegas we tried to get married. We had a ceremony. It turned out that the chapel's license that allows them to marry people expired. So at that time we weren't LEGALLY married. About three weeks ago we had another ceremony. So yes, we ARE married, how long really depends on how you look at it."
"Colonel, Captain, will all of your responses turn out to be riddles?"
"I hope not Sir. I don't even know when my anniversary is."
**
After what felt like an extremely long meeting with the general to explain themselves Sam and Jack got permission to team together on a trial basis. They got one chance. If anything went wrong on this mission back to Abydos they would both find themselves on separate, different teams. If they were lucky enough to still be in the Stargate program. The only problem, which Sam was very quick to point out, was that they weren't really told what defined `go wrong' on this mission.
Sam was excited. This was the first time she'd be going through the gate since she jumped back in time. She couldn't wait to feel the rush again. She couldn't wait to see Daniel again. Finally her life seemed right. She felt like everything she ever wanted was right at her fingertips.
She walked into the gateroom behind Jack and couldn't help but think about `old times.' ^^Technically the `old times' haven't happened yet but I still can't help but think how great they were.^^
The Stargate started spinning. The chevrons were locking in one by one. To Sam the seconds ticked by so slowly. After all this time she was finally going through the gate again.
The last chevron locked and the event horizon formed. The whoosh sent tingles up Sam's spine. She breathed in deep and started up the ramp to the gate. She stopped just before entering. Jack was a step behind her. She took a long look at the gate before Jack gave her a push through. ^^Some things will never change.^^
**
Something was wrong. The gate travel time was taking an eternity. Something was out of place, but being reduced to one's molecules and spread out across dimensions made it hard to think straight. Apparently it was possible to feel apprehension even when in a million pieces millions of miles apart.
Finally Sam fell through the gate. But she wasn't on Abydos.
"Close the iris!!" said a voice that definitely did not belong to General Hammond. In fact it was a voice that seemed eerily familiar. A voice and a sentence that sent chills through her body and grabbed her stomach like a vice. ^^No, it can't be. PLEASE IT CAN'T BE!^^
Daniela and Teal'c were behind her. She as not so shocked to find Jack lying prone next to them with a medical team doing everything in their power to resuscitate him. Just then a stretcher came in and he was rushed out of the gateroom.
"What the hell happened?!" Sam demanded of the closest airman.
"Ma'am, the General was about to dial out when the gate opened and you came through." He wasn't looking at her face, he was looking past her. Carter knew this wasn't a good sign. "Blasts were coming through the gate, the iris was already opened. He told everyone to leave the gateroom except for the marines. As he turned to leave, he was hit in the back, ma'am."
"He was supposed to leave hours ago." Daniel said as he walked toward Sam. He wanted to support her, wanted to be sure she'd be all right, but he knew that to offer his support openly in front of most of the SGC was the wrong move at this time. Carter had to show she was a soldier; she couldn't afford to fall apart right now.
Sam started to feel light headed. ^^No, not again.^^ The room started to tilt, slowly at first, but gaining momentum, she heard Daniel and Teal'c calling her name, but they sounded far away. Somehow it occurred to her that she was passing out, and then the world faded to black.
**
Sam woke up in the infirmary to Daniel standing over her; Teal'c was looming in the background. ^^It can't be. I didn't dream it. It can't be, it just can't be. I WON'T LET IT BE!^^
"She's awake" Daniel motioned for Teal'c to come closer. "Hey Sam," she tried to move but Teal'c stopped her.
"ColonelO'Neill, you have lost much blood, you should remain still." For the first time Sam took notice of her left arm. It was heavily bandaged and stained red.
"Yeah Sam, you just dropped when we were in the gate room. That was five days ago."
Something was different. She wasn't exactly sure what yet, but something was different, yet very familiar. "What did you say Teal'c?"
"I said you have lost much blood and should remain still."
"No before that."
"I said nothing."
"What did you call me?"
A voice came from the doorway. "What he always calls you."
Sam's heart skipped a beat. ^^Is it possible?^^
"Hey Jack, how's your head? You took a nasty fall from the blast in the gateroom. Daniel teased. "Good thing you were wearing that special armor."
Sam jumped out of bed and ran to Jack. She was crying hysterically and chanting "You're alive!" over and over to herself. Every nurse in the infirmary was suddenly chasing her, chastising her for exerting herself so much after losing so much blood. They even threatened to throw Jack out of the place, general or not. She hurled herself at Jack nearly knocking him over. "Easy Sam. Take it easy."
Regaining a bit of her composure she suddenly wasn't sure who or where she truly was. One minute she was stepping through the gate for what was supposed to be her first time, the next she was right back in the infirmary almost exactly how she left it so long ago. Sam pulled back from Jack a bit and lost her balance. ^^Apparently I did lose a lot of blood. But now what? What life have I jumped back into?^^ She looked down at her hands and noticed that she wasn't wearing a wedding ring. ^^It never happened? Could it be that I just imagined the whole thing?^^ Just then the thought of going back to being the Sam Carter she once was, USAF Colonel, resident expert on the Stargate, fiancé to Pete Shanahan ^^Oh my God!^^ was making her sick to her stomach. "I'm sorry Sir, I don't know what came over me."
Jack looked at her in a funny way. "Something's missing." He said to everyone and no one. Daniel was the first on to bite.
"What's missing?"
"Sam, where are your dog tags?"
Sam grabbed for her neck where her ID tags always rested. She found nothing there. "I don't know Sir."
"I have them O'Neill. They fell off while she was being transported to the infirmary." Teal'c punched the metal tags from his pocket and held them out to Jack.
"Thanks T. Wouldn't want anyone around here getting ideas." As he said that he slipped the chain over her head. Something on the chain caught Sam's eye. It was out of place, but somehow it wasn't. Between the two tags was a plain silver ring. "You're spoken for." Sam's eyes filled with tears of relief. It was okay. Everything was okay. "And what's with the `Sir'? You're in the infirmary! Can't I be your husband at least until you can walk on your own?"
-END-
Story Notes: Spoilers: uhhh... the story kinda takes for granted that you've seen Seasons 1-8
BTW... anything between ** is a thought...
BTW... anything between ** is a thought...
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]