A million stars light
This beautiful night
This is not a night to die
Let me sing and dance
Beneath the sky
I have such love to give
For a chance to live
"You know what?" Jack leant back against the couch, a slight smile on his lips as he surveyed his 'family'.
"What?" Charlie and Cassie were the only ones who answered, though Sam did manage to turn her head around and face him.
"I was thinking..." He started out.
"Does it hurt?" Charlie grinned up at him.
"Ha ha." Jack rolled his eyes, leaning forwards and ruffling the brown mop of hair where it was resting againts his knee.
"What were you thinking?" Cassie asked, her eyes completely focused on Jack.
"That we should all go to the pool tomorrow for a swim." Jack said simply.
"Really?" Cassie grinned up at him, excitement flooding over her eyes.
"Yes, really!" He laughed at her enthusiasm, welcoming the tight hug she enveloped him in. "What do you say, Sam?" He grinned at her hopefully, meeting her eyes.
"Oh, come on Sam!" Charlie begged, turning on his little boy face that he knew would convince her.
"I...Okay." She relented, smiling at them.
"What? Don't I get a hug?" Jack sounded hurt, his eyes sparking a challenge at her.
Sam froze for a second, suddenly intensely aware of the room she was in. The scent of flowers hung in the air, roses to be precise, from the bunch Cassie had picked for her. She was acutely aware of the golden aura the lamplight threw over the members of her family as they were piled on and around the couch, fascinated by the way the lights danced in Jack's eyes and the way his lips curled up in a smile at her.
"Sam!" Cassie encouraged, her eyes wide and questioning.
"What?" She blinked, time resuming it's normal cause.
"Aren't you going to give Dad a hug too?" Charlie demanded, grinning at her cheekily.
"What? Oh, sure, yeah." She smiled and got up slowly, holding her hand protectively over her stomach and willing the world to stop spinning.
The tension between herself and Jack as she approached him was charged with something that she'd been noticing a lot more lately. She'd tried to put a name to it, tried to realise when she first fully became aware of it, and then decided that those particular questions were better left unanswered and unexplained.
Cassie jumped out of the way lightly as Sam approached the couch, giggling conspiratorally with Charlie.
"I'm supposed to lean down, am I?" She grinned at him, forcing down the butterflies. Lately, each miniscule second she spent in his company, being touched by him, talked to by him had come to mean the most to her, though he didn't know that.
"Of course." He said steadily, not moving an inch.
"I am a six and a half month pregnant woman, and you expect me to bend over?" She continued the play acting, placing her hands on her hips.
"Isn't it too much for a husband to ask?" He smiled lazily.
"Of course not." She sighed. He sat forwards slightly and rested his hands on her hips to help her balance as she leant over awkwardly to slip her arms around his neck. "Jack!" She squealed, clutching hold of him as he pulled her into his lap gently.
"You stalled too long." He sated, holding her tightly. "Compensation." He whispered, leaning over and kissing her lightly.
A shiver ran over her as his lips met hers, and for the first time she acknowledged to herself, the feel of his lips against hers. Her eyes closed and she leant against him, curling her fingers lightly in her hair as she let herself pretend for just a few minutes.
Jack sighed against her, relaxing against her form. He'd been wanting to do this for so long now - since that talk with Daniel, actually, if he was going to be honest, way before that...but he'd never had the excuse to give her a kiss, not for a long time anyway.
"Eeew!" Charlie nudged his knee slightly, bringing them both back to reality with a jolt.
Sam's eyes flew open and she met his, startled and shocked. He could feel every inch of her trembling and tense, ready to flee. He couldn't let her though, that would ruin this act they'd been living for the kids, all their efforts would be destroyed if she ran from him now.
His fingers tightened on her waist, refusing to let her run.
She nearly struggled, but realised he was right as his iron grip held onto her, pressing her close against him.
"We are married Charlie." Jack sighed, trying to ignore the feel of her lying next to him.
"So...you're too old to be doing stuff like that!" Charlie shook his head, rolling his eyes.
"Too old?" Jack asked, not moving. He relaxed against the couch, his hand absently finding it's way under Sam's shirt and tracing a gentle pattern on her back.
"Yes." Charlie grimaced again. "Besides..." He started off.
"Besides what?" Sam asked lazily, far too relaxed and comfortable in Jack's hold.
"You were only meant to hug him!" He stated, standing up. "Hey, Dad?"
"What?" Jack smiled slightly as Sam rested her head against his shoulder.
"Can we take the ball to the pool tomorrow?"
"So we can play basketball."
"I thought I was too old." Jack commented, earning a chuckle from Sam and a surprised expression from Charlie.
"You're not *that* old!" Charlie corrected, smiling hopefully at Jack.
"Okay." Jack agreed. "Bed time." He added, raising his eyebrows.
"Goodnight." Charlie leant over and kissed both of them goodnight on the cheek, a ritual followed by Cassie and then disappeared out of the room, giggling quietly with his sister.
"How do you do that?" Sam made no move to get up and leave his arms.
"What?" He asked, shifting slightly on the couch but not letting go of her.
"Just say 'Bed time' and they head off, no complaints at all." She sighed, snuggling further into his hold.
"I don't know. I guess I'm just good." he shrugged.
Silence settled around them. Sam sighed slightly as her thoughts wandered, remembering those first nights she'd been left alone with Jack for company after the kids had gone to bed. They'd been so tense, so awkward, and now here they were, completely relaxed on the couch as she was sprawled out all over him. It was wrong though, but she still didn't want to be the one to end it.
"I think," Jack commented, placing his finger against her lips as she opened to it to deliver a comment similar to Charlie's earlier wisecrack, "I think that we should also go to bed now." He said softly, letting his fingers run gently over her face and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"I suppose." Sam sighed, not moving.
Jack resisted the temptation to kiss her again, despite Daniel's words taunting him, and carefully stood up, holding her in his arms.
"Someone's been putting on some weight." He commented lightly as he carried her towards their room.
"There's two people here, Jack." She reminded him, rolling her eyes.
"I know." He smiled down at her and kicked the bedroom door open with his foot.
He put her on the bed gently, relieved to see her smiling gently at him. "Gonna be a long day tomorrow." He commented as he made his way to his side of the bed, grabbing his nightgown and disappearing into the en suite. "You should get some rest." His voice floated to her through the doorway.
Sam sighed to herself as she lay on the bed. She wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him so badly...but she couldn't. Opening her drawer she quickly grabbed her tablets and popped them into her mouth, swallowing them without water and grimacing as she felt them move down through her.
"Goodnight." Jack appeared again and sat on the bed.
"Night." She whispered, thankful her back was to him so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.
"You okay?" He asked as he climbed in, leaning over and touching her shoulder. She tensed slightly. He never touched her once they were in the bed, it was the only place where the act could be dropped and they could have their own personal space.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She said sharply, furious as a betraying tremour slipped over the words.
"Don't lie to me, Sam." He said, and she could imagine him frowning slightly at her, his brown eyes questioning as he studied her for the truth. "Sam?"
"I'm, fine. Really." She lied, unable to hide the sob that arose out of nowhere.
"That's why you're crying." He sighed. A second later she found herself being tugged into his arms and turned so that she was facing him, her head buried under his chin and his arms wrapped tightly around her. "What is it?" He asked gently, stroking her head while she cried.
Even if she'd wanted to tell him, she couldn't. The words were there in her mind, teasing her and taunting her, but something in her throat rose when she tried to say them, blocking them from her with a lump that felt as hard and rough as a rock.
He held her while she cried against him, stroking her hair and showering gentle kisses on her forehead.
"I...I..." She tried to say, not trying to untangle herself from his arms.
"You don't have to say anything." He soothed her, stroking her arm lightly.
"No...its...." She stopped, fighting for calmness.
"Mark?" He asked softly.
"No." She shook her head, relaxing against him slightly as the painkillers started to take effect and her mind grew fuzzy.
"Me?" He asked hesitantly.
"No." She mumbled, relaxing in his hold.
"What is it?" He whispered, his voice filling her senses. "Sam?" He asked softly, touching her moist cheek in the dark. "I love you." He whispered as her breathing evened out and her fingers curled themselves tightly in the hair at the nape of his neck.
* * *
Jack opened his eyes slowly, his senses gradually becoming aware of something different. A mop of golden hair filled his vision, and he realised that the reason he was slightly uncomfortable was because of the position he was lying in. Sam was pressed up right against him, her head resting on his shoulder.
He smiled slightly as he touched her cheek and she wrinkled her nose in her sleep.
A movement against him turned his attention towards her stomach and the active inhabitant.
"Goodmorning." He whispered to it, touching it lightly with his hand. He was rewarded by a firm kick and an irritated movement from Sam.
Chuckling he worked himself out from underneath her, taking a moment to study her. She was so pale and the dark circles under her eyes were clearer than ever. Picking up one of her hands, he looked at it closely. She was too thin, especially for someone who was pregnant.
He jumped guiltily as his mobile sounded and dropped her hand.
"What?" He grouched into the phone.
"Good morning Colonel." General Hammond's voice sounded slightly annoyed.
"General!" Jack jerked wide awake. "Just a minute sir…Sam's still sleeping." He ran into the bathroom and closed the door so that he wouldn't disturb Sam. "Yes Sir?" He grimaced slightly as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.
"We've got a problem Jack." General Hammond sighed.
"We do?" Jack frowned. This wasn't good.
"The Cimmerians have just gotten in contact with us…their world's been invaded by the Go'auld." General Hammond admitted. "Teal'C and Dr. Jackson are requesting permission to go and help…" "Add me to that list, General." Jack instructed.
"Well then you'd better get to the base ASAP." General Hammond smiled slightly into the phone, worry clouding his voice.
"Will do Sir." Jack agreed.
"Bye." General Hammond hung up.
Jack glared slightly at the mobile phone and then walked back into his room.
"Sam…Sam…come on Sam, wake up!" Jack touched her cheek.
"Mm?" She blinked sleepily, her vision blurred.
"Sam, I've got to go. There's a problem at base, okay?" He studied her, watching as her eyes fought and lost the battle to look awake.
"Okay." She whispered, grabbing a hold of his hand and turning over, falling asleep again. He looked at her in surprise. She never used to sleep this much, this deeply or had this much trouble waking up. What was wrong with her?
"Sam…I have to go. Now." He pulled his hand from hers and sighed. Charlie. He'd go tell Charlie.
"Hey, come on kid!" Jack woke his son up, feeling a pang of guilt as he realised it was before six am.
"What?" Charlie mumbled sleepily, pulling his covers up tighter.
"Charlie, I've got to go to work, there's a problem." Jack said hesitantly.
"Why?" Charlie's sleep befuddled eyes opened a bit wider and he managed to stare at Jack's face.
"There's a problem. Sam's still sleeping okay, so I want you to get you and Cassie ready for school and get Mrs. Simpson to take you. Tell her I'm really sorry but Sam's not well and I want her to sleep, okay?" Jack waited for Charlie to agree.
"Okay. Put my alarm on, please?" Charlie leant back against the pillows.
"Sure." Jack complied. "I love you." He whispered, leaning over and dropping a kiss on Charlie's head.
"Love you too." Charlie mumbled sleepily.
For the one I love
As no one has loved
Asking nothing in return
"No, I don't think you understand…" Sam snapped, spinning around and facing General Hammond.
"Dr. Carter…" General Hammond started to cut her off.
"No!" Sam cut her hands through the air. "I thought the agreement was he was on downtime until the baby was born…no dangerous missions…" She stated furiously.
"It was. He wanted to do this Sam…"
"Only because he knew about it!" She countered.
"Sam, this is Jack we're talking about." General Hammond said softly. "You know he would have never forgiven me if I hadn't told him."
"What about me? What if he dies? What about Cassie, Charlie and the baby?" Sam whispered, fear in her.
"I don't know Sam." General Hammond admitted, sinking onto his seat. "You knew that this was going to happen. The work…Jack's honour… *you* honour. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything I can do." He looked up at her.
"I know…" She trailed off, staring at him with a bewildered expression on her face.
"Why don't you go down to the infirmary and have a lie down?" General Hammond suggested, studying her critically.
"I'm fine." She shook her head exasperatedly.
"You look like you need some sleep." He raised his eyebrows. "I'll order you if I have too. Besides, if you have a sleep then time will go quicker and you won't worry so much." He added gently.
"I…I don't want…"
"Sam, you can't do anything." He touched her arm gently, amazed at all the different personalities of this woman. She could be so strong, so brave and incredibly self-less, and then there was this part of her that was so helpless, so afraid and unable to cope with stress.
"Come on, I'll escort you." He offered, taking her arm.
* * *
"Is he okay?" She demanded, grabbing a hold of Dr. Warner's arms as soon as he stepped out of the infirmary, refusing to let go.
Dr. Warner flinched in pain as her bony fingers dug deep into his flesh, holding him in a vice like grip. Her eyes were panicked as she looked up him, desperation clawing it's way to the surface through the agitated pools of emotion.
"Dr. Carter…" He tried to remove her hands, gently plucking them from his arms and holding them while she clutched at his hands instead.
"Please!" She begged and he realised that she was close to breaking.
"He should be fine. Other than a concussion…it's not really such a serious injury…" Dr. Warner smiled slightly. "He was quite lucky actually. If that staff blast had gone any higher he wouldn't be lying awake in the infirmary right now asking for you."
"I can go see him?" Sam froze, shock on her face that was instantly replaced with relief.
"Of course." Dr. Warner smiled at her then, feeling quite happy that he'd been able to give her good news, that he had the chance to see their happiness in person. It was true, O'Neill and Carter made a `damn cute couple', as his interns all said.
"Thanks." Sam smiled at him, gave him an impulsive hug and then bounded into the infirmary to see Jack.
"Sam?" Jack's voice croaked somewhere on the right of her.
"Hi." She skidded to a halt, nervous tension suddenly in place of her earlier fear and then elation when she'd found out that he was okay.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
Sam studied him. There was something in his eyes she couldn't place, a kind of hopefulness. "For what? For nearly getting yourself killed?" She spat at him spitefully, raising an eyebrow. Pain knifed through her, mentally and physically. Why did his eyes have to darken in a brief flash of hurt and confusion at her harsh tone? Why did he manage to get himself so close to her in such a short amount of time?
"Yes. For going without telling you." He admitted humbly.
Sam narrowed her eyes. Him, apologising *so* easily? "What if you died, Jack? What about the kids?" She asked softly, refusing to let emotions show.
He watched her carefully. Nothing showed in those blue eyes he'd been dreaming about since leaving the day before, no emotions hid in a hidden smile around her lips. Only her voice gave him a clue as to how she was feeling. The completely lost, desperate tone coupled with a strange sound of grief filled him with a sense of foreboding.
"They'd still have you." Jack tried to smile, tried to think of something clever that would make her smile and release whatever fears she had. He couldn't though, the knot his stomach grew larger.
"No Jack. They won't have me." Sam whispered, her shoulders slumping in defeat.
"What?" He frowned. "Of course they'll have you. Just like they'll always have me…"
"Stop it Jack!" Sam snapped, glaring up at him. "I'm telling you, they won't always have me, and if you don't stop putting your work before your family then they won't have you either. They won't have anyone!!" She stopped suddenly, her face pale and horrified as she realised the words that had just slipped out.
Jack's mouth opened slightly and then closed. Leaving him. Leaving them. Sam was leaving. When? When had she found someone? "Was it really that bad?" He choked up, his mask falling back into place.
"What?" She blinked, wary and ready to flee.
"The marriage…what is really that bad?" He whispered, swallowing to control himself. "I mean, I know we don't love each other but…I thought we were friends." He forced himself to meet her eyes.
"What?" Sam flinched. I mean, I know we don't love each other but… He didn't love her. Just as well…
Sam? I love you.
The words. A dream. All of it, just more hallucinating. A mere dream brought on by those damn drugs. No, he didn't love her, and it was better this way.
"Why?" He asked.
"Why what?" Sam shook her head slightly, completely confused.
"Why are you leaving me?" She stared at him, her lips parted in shock and a frown of confusion present as she studied him.
"Where'd you get that from?" She asked eventually.
"You said you weren't going to be there for the kids…you're not leaving?" He asked, and she was amazed at the sudden hopefulness she saw flaring in his eyes before he his it again.
"What? No, I'm not *leaving* you…"
"Then what?" He demanded suspiciously, confused now and his confusion making him angry with her.
"I…" Sam faltered, looking at him with that same lost expression she'd first faced him with minutes ago.
"What is it?" he asked softly.
"Uh…well…" Sam swallowed, looking down at her feet.
"Carter, spit it out." He commanded, impatience edging his voice.
Sam looked up then, and met his eyes determinedly, the anger presentwarning him that calling her 'Carter' and commanding her had been a bad move.
"I'm not going to be around much longer after the birth of my baby, Colonel O'Neill, simply because I won't be alive." She threw at him, ashamed as a lone tear trekked down her face. She lost her nerve then, and ran from the room as fast as a six and a half month pregnant woman could run.
Free to find my way
Free to have my say
Free to see the day
Sam froze for a second as she heard the front door open, her shoulders tensing involuntarily as the fly screen slammed shut and his footsteps sounded over the wooden floor.
"Sam! Dad's home!" Charlie squealed, hopping up and sprinting from the room, Cassie once again in tow.
"Hey!" She heard Jack laughing and could picture him swinging first Charlie and then Cassie in the air. She felt a momentary pang of concern for his injury, but brushed it from her mind. Didn't love each other. They didn't love each other. He didn't love her and *she* defineately didn't love *him*.
"Where's Sam?" She refused to look away from the computer screen, though her eyes begged her too, her neck straining to turn towards the doorway where she knew he'd appear in a minute and smile at him, cry and ache for him to hold her in his arms.
NO. She couldn't do that. She didn't *want* to do that, either.
"Hi." Jack's voice reached her. He sounded hesitant, but angry at the same time, she could tell.
"Hi." She didn't glance at him.
"Sam, aren't you happy that Dad's home?" Charlie asked, sounding unsure.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam asked, her fingers stilling on the keyboard. Slowly, ever so slowly, she swivelled around and looked at them. He looked great, she realised with a shock. The last time she'd seen him, two weeks ago, he'd been lying in that infirmary bed the colour of rainclouds after they've just had the times of their lives flooding out countries. Completely grey and washed out, depleted of life and excitement. Now his colour was back, he looked sturdy again. But his eyes, his eyes were so distant, so confused and masked from her...She looked at Charlie.
"Mom was always mad at Dad when he came back..." He trailed off, glancing unsurely at Sam and Jack.
"I'm not mad at your Dad, Charlie." Sam sighed, looking at her hands. No, she wasn't angry at Jack. She was angry at herself. Angry for crashing the car twice, angry for caring about Jack O'Neill and angry for dying. No, she wasn't angry at Jack. *He* was angry at *her*.
"You're not happy though." Cassie whispered, hiding behind Charlie.
"Of course I'm happy." Sam smiled tightly, not fooling them.
"Guys...could Sam and I have a moment alone?" Jack asked awkwardly, shuffling nervously on his two feet.
NO! Sam's eyebrows shot skyward. Not now. She couldn't deal with Jack now.
"Sure." Charlie smiled hesitantly, glancing at them both fearfully before following Cassie out of the room.
"Why didn't you come to see me?" He asked softly, keeping his hurt well hidden from her.
"I didn't think you'd want to see me." She answered stiffly, staring at the floor. A lie. A big, fat, blatant and *very* lame lie. Didn't want to see her. Ha! Who was she trying to kid? More like she didn't want to see him because that would mean talking to him seriously...confronting the problem.
"You thought wrong." He said mildly, narrowing his eyes as she refused to look up at him. "Sam, what the hell is going on?" He demanded, shifting his weight onto his other foot. Despite two weeks gone by, his side still hurt like hell where that staff blast had grazed him.
"Nothing is going on, Jack." She said coldly, her voice monotonous.
"You know, I thought we were getting somewhere." He stated angrily.
"Where? I think we've gotten about as far as we'll ever get." She returned, her voice bland as her uninterested eyes looked up and met his for the first time.
"I don't get you!" Jack exclaimed suddenly.
"No, you don't. You don't get me at all!" She yelled suddenly, anger blazing in her eyes. "You haven't 'gotten' me since we first met becaue to you I am just some geeky scientist who keeps crashing cars and killing off people she loves!"
"What?" Jack stepped back in confusion, shock shuddering through him. "No! That's not what I think at all. I..."
"Save it Jack, because I really don't want to hear it." Sam spun around, trying to stop her shaking.
"Don't waste your breath."
"Samantha O'Neill!" Jack hissed, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him again. Her eyes were clouded with pain, he realised dimly.
"Stop yelling at me." She whispered, closing her eyes and contorting her face as she desperately tried to fight the pain.
"What's wrong with you?" Jack asked, holding her arms and studying her intently as her pale hands pressed harshly onto her face.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me." She denied furiously.
"Sam...please." He pulled her hands away gently, studying her.
"NO!" She shook herself from him blindly, nearly falling over her chair in an attempt to escape from his hold. "Don't touch me!" She hissed, shaking violently while her breath rasped in her throat.
Jack stiffened in shock, hurt turning to anger in his stance as he watched her leaning against the wall.
"Do yourself a favour Sam, go see a doctor." He spun around on his heel, starting to march out of the room.
"I have." She whispered, her voice reaching him as his hand touched the doorhandle.
He faced her, that knot in his stomach threatening to rise up and suffocate him.
"It's too late, Jack." She smiled slightly, a broken smile of pain that had nothing to do with her headache.
"I have a tumour, Jack. A brain tumour." She admitted softly, defeat washing over her as she finally acknowledged she wasn't okay.
Jack opened his mouth and closed it, completely stunned. For the first time Sam saw him completely and utterly shaken.
"No you don't. You can't." He shook his head, blinking and rubbing his ear as if to clear it so that he could hear her again denying the fact.
"Yes, I do." She wrapped her arms around her stomach. "I..."
"What about treatment?" Jack asked desperately, unable to cross the distance across the floor to reach her.
"No. I don't want to hurt the baby." She shook her head.
"Damnit Sam, what about you?" He demanded harshly, taking a step towards her.
"I'm going to die. In a few months time." Her voice was clinical, too well rehearsed and robotic.
"No. That's not an option." Jack rubbed furiously at his face, suddenly feeling so tired and haggard again.
"It's the only one there is, Jack." Sam said coldly, studying him emotionlessly.
"How can you just be so...so calm about it?"
"I've had a while to get used to it." She admitted, smiling bitterly.
"But..." He stuttered again, studying her. His eyes bored into his head, almost as though he was trying to locat and destroy that little mass of cells that was slowly killing her.
"Look. The facts are I'm dying Jack. I need you to be there for the kids when I'm gone, okay?" She studied him intently, determination in her features as she held his gaze.
"But I don't want..."
"It's not about what we want Jack, it never was." She reminded him, stepping backwards as he moved towards her.
"Sam...What are we going to do?" He asked softly, horrified to feel tears pricking at his eyelids. He blinked, refusing to let them come into their existence and cut through his defences.
"The show must go on." She smiled weakly, sinking against the wall again.
"What are you going to tell them?" Jack asked.
"I don't know." Sam admitted, not looking at him.
He watched her in the strained silence. Why had it taken him this long? Then again, her news and the obvious fact that her feelings to him were still less than lukewarm reminded him that it was pointless to finally acknowledge his feelings to himself - or to her.
"I supposed we'd better start by trying to convince them nothing's wrong." Jack said eventually, smiling crookedly at her. She saw through his act though, how couldn't she? It was impossible to miss that shaking of his hand, the sudden tenderness in his eyes when he looked at her. Of course he was going to feel like that now, out of sympathy because despite all their denials, they *were* friends.
"Time for Act Two." Sam agreed, allowing him to take her hand and lead her towards the kitchen where they knew the two children were undoubtedly waiting for them.
Like I used to be
Like a wild bird free
With all of life in me
Sam rubbed tiredly at her forehead and then abandoned the pointless massage. Instead, her hands fumbled over her desk as her vision blurred. Her fingers brushed over cool sheets of paper, scattering them franticallly in her mad dash to locate the small bottle of tablets that would bring her relief from this blinding pain. A crash roared in her ears as she knocked her mug off the table, it's white porcelain smashing into a million shards on the floor.
"Sam?" Daniel's voice sounded so far away, but she ignored him as the room started growing darker and her fingers closed over small, cool plastic bottle. "Miller! Get help! QUICK!" Daniel yelled as he burst into the infirmary. "Sam?" He questioned again, racing to her. The rattle of the tablets in the bottle filled her senses as she fought to undo the lid.
"Hurts." She whimpered, spilling most of the tablets on the floor as her body started convulsing in siezures.
"Come on Sam, hold on, come on." He encouraged as her hand containing several tablets somehow rose to her mouth and safely delivered it's contents. He held her tightly while she shook in his arms, the violent bouts slowly becoming less violent and more lethargic.
"Jack." She whispered, moving slightly in his arms and then slumping as she lost the battle with consciousness.
* * *
"Sam? Can you hear me?" He sounded so agitated, so scared, she realised.
"Go away." She muttered, not even bothering to open her eyes. She couldn't deal with Jack now and the pain at the same time. She couldn't pretend to himself and herself that she didn't care about him.
"Sam..." His hand cupped her cheek, his fingers caressesing her cold skin with a comforting warmth.
Sighing, she opened her eyes, determined to make him leave.
"Sam? What is it?" Jack demanded, panic on his voice.
"I...I can't see." She whispered, fear clutching at her and turning her blood into ice water. She'd known this would happen, that her sight would go. But she hadn't thought it would be this quick and so soon.
"Are you sure?"
"Well unless someone's turned all the lights off..." She snapped sarcastically, sending a strained glare in the direction of his voice. His hand pulled away from her abruptly, it's absence marked by numbness that settled on her skin where his fingers had been resting.
"Dr. Carter..." She heard another familiar voice.
"I can't see." She admitted, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and very open. They could all see her, but she could only hear them when they chose to make a sound.
"This wasn't supposed to happen yet!" She heard Jack's angry voice at the foot of the bed now. When had he moved?
"Colonel, we didn't give you definite dates..." Dr. Warner returned, and she flinched in surprised as someone touched her forehead. "Sorry, Dr. Carter." Dr. Warner apologised softly.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, unable to hide the fear and panic from her eyes.
"He's shining that torch thingy in your eyes..." Jack explained for her, now standing on her otherside.
"Why didn't you call someone, Sam?" Daniel's voice reached her from the foot of the bed.
"Daniel?" She checked anyway.
"Yeah, it's me." His voice sounded so sympathetic she nearly burst into tears. Nearly.
"So?" Jack demanded inpatiently.
"Well..." Dr. Warner hesitated.
"Wait!" Sam called, hope on her voice.
"What is it?" All three men asked at once, anxiety spread keenly throughout the room.
"Shine the torch in my eyes again." She demanded, her eyes bright despite their obvious uselessness.
Dr. Warner complied to her request. Jack watched her screw up her face in concentration, determination clearly etched onto her features.
"Well?" Daniel waited, unsure of what else to say.
"I...I thought I saw something." She admitted. Jack started to reach out for her, to hug her when he saw how scared and helpless she looked. "Jack..." She started out, turning her face around the infirmary.
"Yeah?" He snatched his arms back to his side. She didn't need his comfort.
"What are we going to tell Charlie and Cassie?" She asked softly, looking at his dirction. It was disconcerting, at best, to have her speaking to him, facing his general direction but having her faze focused firmly on his collar bone.
"What's wrong?" Daniel demanded, fear gnawing at him suddenly.
"Nothing. This should pass." Sam replied instantly, glaring at Jack before he could open his mouth.
"Dr. Carter, with all due respect, this isn't nothing." Dr. Warner inserted hesistantly, watching them. "I had to look up your medical files while you were unconscious and..."
"I'm fine." Sam interupted testily. "Aren't I, Jack? I'm just fine." She begged him for support.
"No Sam, you're not fine. It's time you told me what's going on." Daniel demanded, interupting before Jack could back Sam up.
"It's nothing Daniel." Sam shook her head, dismissing it. Daniel wasn't fooled, he saw the panic and the fear in her eyes.
"Sam..." Jack sighed softly, touching her hand.
She jerked as his unexpected contact with her gave her a surprise. Jack pulled his hand back, ashamed and hurt that she'd react like that just because he touched her.
"Shut up Jack." She ordered curtly, gazing around the room again, trying to see something.
Daniel watched her with a heavy heart. Her movements were jerky and agitated, erratic spasms that, along with the startled blue eyes framed by a pale face, gave her the effect of a startled wild bird that had woken up for the first time in captivity.
"Sam, we have to tell him." Jack said softly.
"Why?" She demanded, sounding like a little child told to eat her vegetables.
"Because, just in case you've forgotten, Samantha, Daniel is our *friend*. He has a right to know."
"Fine. Go ahead. Tell him, oh, and while you're at it, go and announce it on the intercom so that the WHOLE DAMN BASE KNOWS AS WELL!" She screamed suddenly, flailing out at him with wild
movements. Her fists connected with thin air, throwing her off balance. Jack caught her easily and held her as she started sobbing, but she fought against him, refusing to let him hold her. "Let me GO!" She yelled, trying to hit him.
Jack stroked her hair, holding her tightly against him while she cried.
Daniel watched, feeling like a voyuer as she clutched tightly at Jack and held on, long after her sobs had subsided, but filled with a horrified curiousity. What was wrong with Sam?
"I'm scared, Jack." Sam whispered as the drugs Dr. Warner had injected into her system started to take effect.
"I know, Sam, I know." He whispered, holding her tightly against him.
"I'm not going to see them again, am I?" She sniffed, her fingers tightening on him sporadically.
"Who?" He asked her gently, still stroking her hair with a helpless, vulnerable expression on his face.
"Charlie...Cassie...Oh God. Jack, I'm never going to see my baby." She choked on her sobs again, pure grief pouring itself out of her system.
"Sh.." He whispered, ashamed to feel his own tears prick at his eyelids again. "There is a good chance this isn't permanent." He reminded her, kissing her cheek gently as he pulled away.
"I won't see him grow up though, Jack." She sank back onto the bed, defeat evident on her features. "I won't be at Cassie's wedding or be there to see Charlie driving his first car...I won't be there to watch the baby take his first steps, to see his first tooth, his first bikeride..." She trailed off, looking bewildered. "I don't want to die, Jack." She shuddered, and he took a hold of her hands, sitting on the bed next to her.
"I know. I don't want you to die, either." He admitted holding her hands close to himself.
"Promise me you'll be there for them, Jack? Please? All of them?" She murmured as he eyelids grew heavy and started to cloes over her unseeing eyes.
"I promise." He told her, kissing her forehead gently.
"Thank you." She whispered, smiling a relieved little smile and slipping into unconsciousness.
Daniel remained silent as Jack sat next to Sam, watching as his friends fingers traced over her face, her neck, touching her hair reverantly and then gently kissing her hands before he let go and stood up.
"Jack?" He asked, his voice cracking unsurely.
"She's dying, Daniel." Jack managed, contorting his face and deciding on the expression he wanted to wear. "She's got a tumour."
"Oh God." Daniel sucked his breath in sharply.
"How can that happen?" Jack asked forlornly. "How can a part of her be killing her? So slowly?" He demanded angrily.
"I don't know." Daniel put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Jack...how...how long...?"
"A few months. After the baby's born." Jack ground his teeth as his eyes rested on his wife's swollen stomach. "If she wasn't having that baby then..."
"You wouldn't be married to her. You wouldn't have a family and you probably wouldn't have fallen in love with each other." Daniel reminded him slightly.
"But then she wouldn't be dying...or if she was she'd at least be having treatment..."
"But you wouldn't care Jack. You'd still hate her and she'd still hate you. You wouldn't appreciate just how lucky you are, knowing her." He reminded Jack.
"But I know now, I know how important she is. I knew before she got the tumour...so why does she have to have it?" He demanded angrily, glaring at Daniel.
"I don't know, Jack." Daniel shook his head softly, unable to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.
"What do I tell my children?" Jack slumped against the wall, sinking to his haunches and holding his head in his hands.
"Something you should have told them a long time ago." Daniel said gently, sitting down next to him.
"That's not helping. I already *know* that I should have told them. I just don't know...how." He finished off lamely.
"Wait for Sam before you decide anything, okay?" Daniel suggested.
For the one I love
As no one has loved
Asking nothing in return
Sam opened her eyes slightly, and was met by darkness. Quickly she closed them, wondering why she couldn't just wake up again and find it was all a bad, very bad, dream.
"Sam?" She heard somone's voice to the left of her.
"Charlie?" She asked incredulously. What was Charlie doing here?
"What's wrong?" He sounded so scared, so worried.
"She's sick, Charlie." Jack's voice was low and soft, the tones rumbling over her and calming her sudden agitation.
"I made you a card, Mom." Cassie said hopefully from next to her. "Do you want to see?"
Sam froze. Do you want to see? Such innocent words, such unintentional pain..."I'd love to Cassie...but...I can't." Sam whispered, feeling another tear sneak out from underneath an eyelid.
"Why not?" Charlie asked, defensive and angry at this strange, frightening behaviour from his parents.
"Charlie..." Sam opened her eyes and her breath caught in her throat.
"What?" Jack asked instantly.
"I...I thought I saw something again." She admitted, her voice slightly desolate as the darkness remained as black as night.
"What's wrong, Mom?" Cassie demanded, and Sam felt her crawling onto the bed next to her. She fumbled a bit before placing her arm around Cassie.
"Want to hop up, Charlie?" She asked, looking in the last direction she'd heard his voice from.
"What's wrong with you?" Charlie demanded, and she was embarrassed to realised he'd moved.
"I can't see, Charlie." She said softly.
"Why not?" he demanded. Sam hugged Cassie close for strength and to try and calm herself.
"I...There's something inside my head, Charlie..., cells that grew wrong and now..."
"You have a brain tumour." He stated, his voice dull.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, imagining his face as he smiled and laughed.
"You said she wouldn't die! You promised!" She heard him yell and could only assume that he had turned on Jack.
"Charlie!" She called out, frowning slightly. "Your dad didn't *give* me this brain tumour, any more than I wanted to get it. No one can say whether you're going to get cancer, whether you're going to die when you're ten or 100, no one knows."
"But..." Charlie stopped and looked at Sam. He really looked at her. There were shadows under her eyes and her lips were tense. Pain. She was in a lot of pain. He could see in her eyes that she was scared, and it scared him.
"Don't fight with Jack, please?" She asked softly.
"Okay." He agreed, not moving.
"Charlie?" Jack dropped down next to him and looked at his son.
"Why does everyone always die, Dad? First Mom, then Janet, then Grandpa Carter and now Sam..." He stopped hesitantly, studying his dad. "Are you..."
"I don't intend on dying for a long time." Jack said gently, hugging Charlie.
"I'm still going to be around for a while, Charlie." Sam smiled crookedly, holding onto Cassie. "First we're going to have this baby, and then I'll still be around for a while. I need to make sure you guys can look after him first and then..."
She sniffed slightly as the salty tears burned into her eyes. It felt as though they were blurring the darkness ever so slightly, but she remained silent. False hope...chances were she wouldn't *see* them again.
"Come here." She said gently, beckoning with surprising accuracy towards Charlie.
"What?" He approached the bed hesitantly, afraid of her and that she might suddenly die.
"I want to see you with my hands." She whispered, holding her hands out.
"Okay." He held her one hand slightly, but she let go and her fingers framed his face.
"You have a small scar here." She smiled slightly, tracing the barely visible line with her fingers. "And you've got your Dad's nose...and chin...and is this a bruise over here..sorry..." She apologised as he flinched when her fingers touched a lump on his forehead.
"Can you see me?" He asked her curiously.
"In my mind. You're smiling now." She told him.
"No I'm not." He frowned.
"Don't frown, I want to see you smiling." She told him pointedly. He grinned for her and felt relief creeping through his bones.
"Now me!" Cassie instructed, feeling jealous.
"Okay!" She grinned, giving her the same treatment. "One small, button nose!" She grinned. "Long, soft hair...no scars or bruises on this face my dear." She held Cassie's head and dropped a kiss on her forhead. "You smiling?" She checked.
"Yeah!" Cassie hugged her tightly. "I don't want you to die." Cassie whispered.
"Cass...look at me..."
"Oh." Sam blinked, then grinned slightly. "When you go home with Jack and Charlie..."
"Aren't you coming?"
"Not tonight, no. The doctors want to look after me for a bit longer. But, when you go home, tonight you and Charlie take Jack up that deck and get him to help you guys pick a star, okay?" Sam checked.
"Can we pick Hanka?" Cassie asked softly.
"Hanka's a dog, Cassie." Charlie rolled his eyes.
"No it's not!" She argued.
"Yes it is." Sam nudged Cassie. "But...I'm sure that if you look up the star constellations then Jack should be able to show you which constellation or group Hanka is a part of." She hoped.
"Sure." Jack sighed in relief. As guilty as he felt for keeping it a secret from Charlie...he couldn't tell his son. It was the rules.
"So what do we do with the star?" Charlie asked, frowing with confusion.
"Well...haven't you ever seen a movie...the Lion King for example. In the movie, Simba talks to the stars because his Dad told him that 'all the great kings of the past' are up there. So...you can talk to me that way."
"Will you listen?" Cassie asked, wide-eyed.
"Of course I'll listen. And if you guys are lucky I might even be your angel!" She grinned slightly, feeling the back of her throat tighten.
"Well...Janet's already my angel, and Charlie's Mom is his angel...so who's will you be?" Cassie asked.
"Well...I'll share Jack and the baby, okay?"
"Okay." The children sounded satisfied.
"I love you." Charlie surprised her, his arms suddenly wrapping themselves around her.
"I love you too." She smiled into his hair, hugging him. "And Cassie, and the baby, and Hanka and...Jack." She coloured slightly as the words passed over her lips.
"Good. I love the lot of you too, you know." Jack chimed in, sitting on the bed. Sam felt it sag with his weight and was expecting his hand to alight on her stomach. She wasn't expecting his other hand, however, to rest on her leg in a gesture of affection and possession...maybe even...no...that was just stupid.
Though this world tears us apart
We're still together in my heart
I want the world to hear my cry
And even if I have to die
Love will not die
Love will change the world
Noisy. So noisy. When was the noise going to stop? Sam mumbled angrily and turned herself carefully onto her hip. A pinprick of light, a delicious glow in the distance. She blinked quickly, forcing the hope down. Her eyes opened again, and there is was again. A slight changing of black to grey. No colous, not forms, no movements...just *light*.
She lay on her back again, drowsy from the medication and the stacatto of noise and pain drilling a hypnotic pattern in the back of her mind. Blinking slowly she opened her eyes again. A glow. Fainter than before, but still there.
Voices yelling in the distance. Trolleys rushing through halls. Alarms. Beeping. Screeching calls of machines. Breathing. Human warmth. Movement. Her eyes slipped shut and the noise faded away.
* * *
"Hey Sam, how are you doing?"
Jack. Jack was here. Again. When had he come home?
"Jack?" She blinked. There it was again. A glow! "Jack!!"
"What?" He blinked, surprised. She never reacted so excitedly, so happily for a visit.
"I can see. Well, not *see* per se, but there's this light...like a glow almost. If I had to put a colour to it then I'd say grey, but it's not actually coloured...more like a glow of some sort. Just *light*!"
"Slow down!" Jack laughed, relief the rumble as they washed over her.
"When did you get home?" Sam asked, leaning back into the pillows and concentrating on the glow that seemed stronger now than it had last night.
"Last night sometime. There was a mining accident on Nasyia and we brought a few of the locals home with us for treatment." He explained.
"You okay?" She asked hesitantly.
"Other than a bang on the head and a few stitches, just fine." Jack admitted truthfully. "Some of the others weren't so lucky though. One guy was completely crushed...he didn't make it. The others that are here...burns from the explosion...broken limbs, concussion and one spinal injury. Doc Warner doesn't think he'll walk again." Jack said softly.
"How are the kids?"
"I don't know. Haven't been home yet." Jack admited. "Thought I'd wait around until you woke up. Just to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine, Jack." She smiled slightly. "A bit sore, a bit tired, but fine." She shrugged slightly. "Doc Warner said something about letting me go home for a few days...but they want me to get checked up everyday, with the baby being so close."
"About time. What's it been, a week?" Jack studied her. She looked worse. The weight was just peeling off her. Everyday her eyes seemed to grow bigger, her hair more ragged and her skin shades lighter. But she was still beautiful.
"It's strange to think that in a few - three - weeks time I'll have a baby." She said softly, touching her stomach gently.
"You won't think that when you have to get up at night to change it's diapers, give it food...and the rest." Jack grinned slightly. "How is junior anyway?"
"He's fine. Very restless last night. Kept me awake actually."
"You were sleeping when I got back. I checked on you."
"I was vaguely awake at some stage when there was a lot of activity around, but I was out of it again pretty quickly. No, he woke me up at about four in the morning."
"Just after the rush. I can tell we're going to have a night owl." Jack sighed, rolling his eyes and then remembering that Sam couldn't see him.
"Wave your hand in front of my face. Quick!" Jack complied. "I saw it! I saw the shadow of your hand go down and then up!" She squealed. "I think it's coming back!" She laughed, joy bubbling up inside of her.
Jack smiled as well as he saw her relief. She was going to see her kids again. Hopefully.
For the one I loved
As no one has loved
Asking nothing in return
Sam opened her eyes slowly, savouring the blurred white with the dark smudges of colour that was her bedroom roof with it's light fixtures.
"Morning." Jack's voice greeted her from the doorway. She lowered her eyes and grinned slightly as she saw his tanned, smudged blob of colour moving towards her from a black hole in the white smudging.
"You seeing better?" Jack asked hopefully, studying her intently.
"Yeah. I can see these blobs in your head when you're up close, and I'm assuming they're your eyes." She told him, grinning.
"Better than last night then?" He asked, placing a tray next to her on the bed.
"Yeah. Defineatly. I can actually tell you've got toast with some soft of jam on it on the tray." She told him happily. Movement at the door caught her eyes. "Hey guys!" She called to them.
"You can see?" Cassie asked hopefully.
"Not properly yet, better than last night though." She grinned. "Come on, want some breakfast? Jack so thoughtfully made enough for everyone."
"Sure!" Charlie and Casse bounded into the room, scrambling up onto the bed.
"Whoa!" Jack warned as they bounced slightly. Carefully he sat on the bed next to Sam and gathered her into his arms, pulling her onto his lap. She didn't argue as he rested his hands on her stomach and his head on her shoulder, cuddling her close.
"Toast?" She asked him, offering a slice.
"Thank you." He opened his mouth and she rolled her eyes slightly. "I can tell you've got your mouth open, but you're going to have to do the aiming yourself." She told him.
"Sure." He leant forwards and took a bite of the toast while she held it steadily.
"Are you coming home tonight again? Cassie asked through a mouthful of toast.
"Probably." Sam agreed, taking a bite of the toast herself.
"Hey, that's my slice!" Jack complained.
"Feed yourself." She retorted smugly, taking another bite.
"I sincerely hope our child does not have your manners." Jack stated dryly.
"What, you want him to have yours?" She responded lightly, offering him the toast as he took another bite.
"Okay, I get your point." He acknowledged, relaxing against her.
"What are we going to call him?" Cassie asked, watching them.
"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it, have we?" Jack realised.
"No." Sam agreed, leaning back into his hold and smiling contentedly.
"Wait there!" Charlie called suddenly, grinning.
"What?" Sam blinked. She saw him running into the room a minute later and realised he was clutching something.
"NO!" Jack laughed despite himself.
"What?" Sam blinked, confused. She couldn't make out what Charlie was clutching.
"Camera. Look out -"
Charlie grinned and snapped again.
"What are you doing?" Sam demanded. "We are in our pajamas, I'll have you know!" She told him smoothly, not moving out of Jack's hold.
"So?" Charlie asked cheekily.
"You give me those photo's." Jack demanded as Charlie studied his handiwork."They're actually not that bad, Sam." He told her truthfully. Actually, they were very deceptive. They looked happy in the photo, happy and in love. Very much the happy family everyone thought they were. "Can I borrow them?" He glanced at Charlie.
"Okay." Charlie agreed.
"Jack!" Sam complained, "What are you going to do with them?"
"Wait and see." He grinned at her, dropping a kiss on her nose before leaning back against the headboard and taking her with him. "Now...how about a nice cup of..."
"Coffee." Sam inserted, daring him to argue with her newly perfected 'I'm-a-dying-woman-so-give-me-a-break' look.
"Coffee." He grinned at her and hugged her tightly for a second before relaxing again.
"Come on Cassie." Charlie sighed, rolling his eyes and sliding off the bed.
"Okay." She agreed, trotting happily after them.
"What?" Jack asked softly as Sam sighed happily against him.
"I don't know. I just feel so..."
"I know." He whispered, resting his head against hers. "I know."
* * *
"So I can go home again tonight?" Sam asked hopefully, flinching as Dr. Warner shone the torch into her eyes again.
"Yes." He smiled at her. "So you say you're sight's much better?"
"Yes. It's nearly fine. It's still blurry and and a bit dim, but I can basically see things properly."
"That's good." He wrote something on his pad. "I'll see you again before you go this afternoon, Dr. Carter."
"Call me Sam, please?" She sighed. The same thing, every time. He couldn't physically call her Sam. It was always 'Dr. Carter'.
"Okay." He smiled his usual smile and left. "I'll see you at..."
"14:30." Sam said. "I'm going with Jack to pick the kids up from school."
"Good. Okay, see you then Dr. Carter."
* * *
"I'll meet you up at the car, Jack." Sam told him. "Dr. Warner just wants to check me again before I leave."
"Okay." Jack looked up. "I'll meet you there then. Just got to go see Daniel first."
"See you then." Sam waved and made her way to the infirmary. "Excuse me, have you seen Dr. Warner?" She asked hopefully as an intern passed her.
"He's just busy with someone, ma'am. Said we were to expect you. If you'd just like to wait over here..." The intern showed her towards a small bed with the curtain drawn around it. "I'll go and-"
Both Sam and the intern looked around in surprise as one of the machines started screeching. Sam followed the intern as he ran towards one of the beds. "Give us a hand?" The intern begged as he started reading the machines.
"No pulse." Sam fought to remember her basic first aid training. "He's not breathing either." Without thinking about it, Sam started mouth to mouth. Suddenly the man grabbed her hand, his
fingers tangling into her her and digging into her scalp. She struggled against him as the man seizured and felt bile rise in her throat as *something* slithered up her mouth and cut through her throat. The burning sensation quickly disppeared as darkness once again clouded in on her vision and she collapsed over the dead man.
* * *
Jack glanced at his watch as he leant impatiently against the car. Where was she? He kicked against the car and stormed off towards a SF that was watching him. "Do me a favour, would ya? Call down to sub- level 23 and find out where Dr. Carter is?"
"Yes Sir, Colonel O'Neill." The man saluted hastily and ran off towards the phone. Jack followed at a more sedate and reached the man in time to see him hanging up the phone.
"Well?" Jack waited.
"She's in the infirmary, Sir. She blacked while she was helping treat some patient..." Jack didn't wait for the man to finish. He turned and ran back through the stairs and made his way down to sub-Level 23.
"What's going on?" Jack demanded as he barged into the infirmary in time to see an intern pulling a sheet over a dead figure.
"One of the Nasyians started siezuring...he didn't make it, Sir." The intern informed him.
"And my wife?"
"Dr. Warner is looking at her now, Sir. She just collapsed while she was helping me out...and we can't wake her up."
Jack cursed and ran through the infirmary, feeling a slight relief when he found her.
"What's wrong with her?" Jack demanded as he looked at Sam's pale face and the slight trail of drying blood on her lips.
"I don't know, Sir." Dr. Warner looked at him. "It's almost as if she's in a deep sleep..."
"A coma?" Jack asked wearily.
"No. She's just in a deep sleep and I can't wake her up."
"I don't know, I haven't actually dealt with..."
"Jack?" Sam croaked, opening her eyes slightly. A look of horror and distaste washed over her but she quickly schooled her features.
"Sam, what the hell were you thinking?" Jack demanded, relief turning to rage at her stupidity. What, exactly, it was that she had done that was so stupid, he didn't know. But he was still mad at her for doing it.
"What do you mean?" She frowned, confused. "I...Jack!" She looked up at him, terror in her eyes.
"I...I need to talk to you alone." She whispered, shaking slightly.
"Please!" She begged, desperation in her voice.
"Would...would you excuse us please?" Jack asked eventually, confusion marring his features as he gazed down at Sam's terror stricken face.
"Of course. I'll come when you call." Dr. Warner agreed, not happy about leaving but knowing he couldn't do anything about it.
"What's wrong?" Jack looked at her.
"Jack...you remember when Daniel found Sha're on Abydos? When she was pregnant?" Sam swallowed slightly.
"Yes." Jack frowned, confused at what this had to do with her current predicament.
"Okay. Well, you know how Amounet 'slept' in Sha're because if she didn't, the baby would be born premature?"
"Okay. Jack, do you trust me on this?"
"Do you trust me?" Sam demanded, her fear growing.
"Yes. You know I do. With my life." He said sincerely.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly.
"Sam..." He sighed.
"No..I'm fine." She argued.
"Sam, I really hate to be pessimistic, but you've got a brain tumour..."
"No, I don't." She shook her head.
"What?" Jack raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Jack....There's...a Tok'ra..." Sam frowned, confused.
"Tok'ra. It means resistence." Sam frowned again, still confused.
"Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Promise you trust me?" She begged him, fear in her eyes.
"Yes. I promise."
"Okay. That Nasyian man, Jack, the one who just died..."
"What about him?"
"He...he was a host. Well, not a host per se, but..."
"What are you saying, Sam?"
"There's a Tok'ra inside me...a 'good' Goa'uld."
"What?" Jack snorted, disbelief on his face.
"I'm serious. There's a Goa'uld in me..."
"Then why are you...you?"
"I'm pregnant. Jolinar doesn't want the baby to be hurt..."
"I said so, didn't I?"
"So you're telling me you've got a dormant Goa'uld in your head because you're pregnant?"
"Yes." Sam whispered.
"Oh God." Jack stepped back, shock flooding through his features, washing the colour out of his skin. "How the hell...?"
"I don't know!" Sam snapped. "I'm telling you I'm fine. The cancer's gone...I don't know how or why I know...I just know it's gone. I'm fine. I'm healthy. I can see better, even hear and *smell* better than I ever have before. Jack...there's a damn Goa'uld in me and you're just standing there!" She yelled, panicking.
Jack blinked, watching her. "Damnit, get a scan done or something if you don't believe me, but I'm telling you Jolinar is in here."
Jack swallowed. "I've got to get Hammond." He said softly.
"Get him then! Damnit, I don't want this Goa'uld in my head!" She yelled, standing up.
"Sam..." He paused. "You mean you don't have cancer?"
"Yes!" She paused, a smile suddenly lighting up her face before it disappeared again with an intensity that worried him. "Jack...this is a problem. There is. a. Goa'uld. in. my. head." Sam started shaking.
"No!" She stepped back from him. "Don't touch me...I don't want you to be...you know...it might jump again." She shuddered. "I...I want to throw up..."
He grabbed a medical container of some sort in time for her to throw up in. Ignoring her warning, he stepped up to her and helped her while she retched until nothing was left in her system.
"Go and get Hammond. You'd better get some guards here as well." She whispered, sorrow lining her eyes.
"You have to Jack, I'm a risk."
"At least we know it's you though..."
"Until the baby's born."
I'll love until love wears me away
I'll die and I konw my love will stay
And I know my love will stay
PART 8: If That's What It Takes