Home. Strange how fast the familiar could turn unfamiliar. A two week vacation over the holidays, ten days in another solar system, and the longed-for comforts of home took on a vaguely foreign air. Both right and somehow wrong at once. Sam Carter had grown accustomed to the sensation long ago.
Here she was again, returning home. After nearly a week away. Except this time nothing had been prepared for her departure. She hadn't watered her plants or emptied her dishwasher or cleared out the fridge. She'd expected to be home before lunch last Saturday.
Sam Carter moved through the rote tasks of her evening, trying to restore normalcy, trying to behave as though she were merely returning from an unexpected mission. In a way she was, really. Right? This was all wrapped up with what she did everyday. She hadn't been taken by some random Earthly criminal. Sort of. But of all the dangers Sam Carter had faced in her life at the SGC, she had just been taken down by the utterly terrestrial danger she'd been training to avoid since she was a pre-teen--the man in black with a van that grabs women from parking lots.
The thought made her want to throw-up.
She went back to cleaning out her refrigerator and dusting the tabletops.
By 10pm, Sam had eaten a frozen dinner and cleaned up the dishes. She had showered and changed into a tank top and yoga pants. She had checked the locks for the night and curled up on her couch with the remote control.
And it was then she really began to feel it. As the house fell quiet and the headlights flickered against drawn curtains and exhaustion softened the edges of her defenses, Sam ceased to feel like Major Sam Carter, veteran warrior of the Tau'ri, formidable challenge to the most powerful Goa'uld, and began to feel like Samantha Carter, single woman in her thirties with a passion for science and motorcycles and a secret love for antique lace who had just wanted a quiet weekend at home and had been abducted and beaten up and drugged and tied down and nearly murdered so they could cut into her brain.
She was shaking. She got up and double-checked all the locks, uncomfortably aware of every shadow. She tightened the blinds and adjusted the drapes. Back on the couch, she curled in the corner and tucked the heavy afghan securely around her legs.
She wanted someone with her.
The TV played softly in the background, but Sam couldn't really focus on what they were saying. Fine shivers coursed through her body accompanied by flashes of needles and rough hands and drug- induced blurs. She hugged the blanket closer, rationally aware it wasn't really cold in the room.
She pulled the phone handset from the end table and into her lap.
Gut instinct pulled her to call Colonel O'Neill. Forcing honesty upon herself, there was nothing more she wanted right then than to hear him attempt a lame joke to lighten her fears, to hear the deeply intimate softness that could enter his voice when he was worried about her. Something in those gentle tones could soothe her nerves in a way no one had since the melodic voice of her mother soothing her back to sleep after childhood nightmares.
But she couldn't call him. He was the one recovering from a gunshot wound. And in the end she had to admit she couldn't bring herself to appear so vulnerable in front of him. She felt weakened enough at having been taken at all. She wasn't ashamed of how she had handled the crisis while it had been ongoing. But to admit to her CO the experience had shaken her so deeply, to let him see not the soldier in action, but the woman who suffered the hurts in the aftermath...that wasn't something she was ready to do. She never wanted the Colonel to see Samantha in the field. If he ever stopped seeing Major Carter under Zat fire, ever stopped ordering her to take point or cover his six because he couldn't bear to throw her in the line of fire, SG-1 would cease to function.
So she stared down at the handset cradled in her lap. Daniel. Daniel was always ready to be there for her. Probably the best friend she'd ever had. But she wasn't ready for that yet, either. Daniel might be *too* sympathetic. He never understood her soldier's psychology. He didn't see why there was anything wrong with being afraid, with being hurt. He couldn't help her gently walk the line. And she didn't want to open the door, let him know how much lay behind her strength. He knew it was there, of course. They had been close for too long...but knowing and seeing were two very different things.
Dad was too far away for the primitive communication device in her lap.
Teal'c.
Teal'c.
She dialed the numbers before she could give it too much thought.
His familiar deep voice carried through the line. "Hello?"
She pulled her knee closer beneath her chin. "Hey, Teal'c, it's Sam."
"Major Carter. Are you at home?"
"Yeah. Yeah, Janet let me go home this evening."
"Are you feeling all right?" The formality mixing with concern made her warmer. She had always felt safe beside Teal'c. Protected as she had been by her big brother in days long ago, before all that had fallen apart.
"I'm fine," she said. "Tired, but fine."
"That is good to hear."
"So...what are ya doin'?"
He hesitated a moment in his reply, and she knew he was contemplating the reason behind her call, she knew he was aware it was more than a random social chat. He let her lead, anyway. "I am watching Nick at Nite."
Sam couldn't stop a smile. "You like Nick at Nite?"
"I do watch these programs fairly often. I find it interesting to watch the development of your culture's sense of humor over time. It has taken a very different course than the sensibilities of the Jaffa."
"I would imagine so."
"I particularly enjoy the one called 'The Dick Van Dyke Show.'"
Affection warmed her. "Yeah, I like that, too."
"Major Carter. Are you all right?"
Sam closed her eyes as the ache washed through her stomach. "I'm fine." A quiet moment. Then, "I'm just...cold."
"It would be only natural for you to be feeling the aftereffects of the events you experienced this week. It would, in fact, be quite abnormal if you were not."
She let that wash over her for a long moment. "Thanks, Teal'c. It's just...it was a long time."
"It was. I am sorry we did not find you sooner." The formidable alien warrior's voice could hold such deep tenderness without ever falling out of his measured tone. There was much behind his own stoicism.
"No, no it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could. I'm amazed you found me at all. Just..."
"Major Carter. Can you sleep?"
She gave a dry laugh. "I admit, the idea is a little unappealing right now. I guess, I don't really trust what I'll wake up to yet." She hadn't meant to admit that. But somehow she was able to speak, here in the shelter of her own home, with a friend's voice soft against her ear.
"Would you sleep better if I were to watch Nick at Nite on your couch and perform my Kel Noreem there for the night?"
The protectiveness felt so good it hurt. "I would. Most definitely. But you don't have to do that. And I think I need to do this on my own."
"I understand." She could almost see him nod as he spoke.
"Thanks," she said softly. "I mean...*thanks*."
"You are my friend, Major Carter. You would do the same for me."
"You bet."
She heard him shift position, pictured him sitting straight upright on the edge of his barracks room cot, remote in hand. "I suggest you turn on Nick at Nite," he said. "There is an episode of 'The Dick VanDyke Show' beginning which I have seen before and believe you might enjoy."
"Okay. I'll try that." She reached for her own remote control.
"Major Carter?"
"Yeah?"
"I am glad you called. You may do so again at any time."
She closed her eyes. "I'm glad, too. Goodnight, Teal'c."
"Sleep well, Major Carter."
She hung up the phone, let the handset fall to the cushion beside her. Snuggling deeper beneath her blankets, she switched the channel to Nick at Nite. The images washed over her in the dimness.
The last thing she remembered was Dick Van Dyke with a bunch of playing cards in his kitchen sink before she woke to the first streaks of sunlight stealing through the blinds...
*****
Story Notes: EMAIL: RowanD1@earthlink.net
ARCHIVE: SJD yes. All others fine, just let me know, please.
CATEGORIES: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sam/Teal'c Friendship, implied Sam/Jack UST
SPOILERS: "Desperate Measures" Episode tag to "Desperate Measures"
Endless thanks to my marvelous betas: Fulinn, Polly Lynn, and AnnaK
ARCHIVE: SJD yes. All others fine, just let me know, please.
CATEGORIES: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sam/Teal'c Friendship, implied Sam/Jack UST
SPOILERS: "Desperate Measures" Episode tag to "Desperate Measures"
Endless thanks to my marvelous betas: Fulinn, Polly Lynn, and AnnaK
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]