"I wonder what happened?" Daniel stared at the crumpled bloodstained note on the briefing room table.
"I can confirm it's the Colonel's blood," offered Janet.
"Peachy," muttered Jack. "I guess there's no possibility I could have cut myself shaving?" Janet, Daniel, Sam and Teal'c just stared at him. The Colonel shrugged. "Didn't think so."
"We'll never know," said Sam quietly, looking at the note.
"It must have been bad," said Daniel.
"Yeah," agreed Sam.
Their musings were interrupted by General Hammond entering the room. His expression was grim. "I'm afraid I have bad news, people."
"The commissary ran out of pie?" suggested Jack.
Shooting him a stern look the General carried on. "The list have gone too far this time."
"Sir, there have been stories before where we've done it on the briefing room table," said Sam helpfully.
"I know," replied Hammond wearily, "I've read some of them. That's not the problem. They've found out what happened to make you send that note." He gestured towards the bloodstained paper in the centre of the table. "The Pentagon are *not* happy campers."
"How do they know what they're saying is true?" asked Daniel. "After all, it is predominantly a fiction list."
"I've been told it's likely to be correct. I have no idea how they know that, nor have I any idea how the lists know. The powers that be are worried you might change history if you find out the events that led to that note being sent through the gate."
"But we're bound to find out when we read our emails," interrupted Jack.
"Not if you don't read them, Colonel," said the General sternly.
"Don't read them? I don't understand sir." O'Neill was baffled.
"As of now... and this a direct order from the very top, people.... none of you..." He looked pointedly at Jack. "...are to subscribe to samandjack, danandjan or any other classified mailing lists." The General glanced at the piece of paper in his hands. "This order will stay in effect for one year, when the situation will be reviewed."
"Can we visit the archives or author's web sites?" asked Daniel hopefully.
Hammond shook his head. "Sorry, no. And you're not to email any list members either. Particularly not Ness." He noticed Jack open his mouth to speak and held up his hand to stop him. "And before you ask, Colonel, they'll know if you violate this order. Trust me on that. This is the Pentagon we're talking about."
Jack looked enquiringly at Sam, who nodded glumly in confirmation of the General's words. He slumped forward, his head in his hands. "I'll never find out what happens in Surrender," muttered Jack gloomily.
"She'll probably still be writing it in a year," said Daniel, trying to be helpful.
Teal'c solemnly added, "I will miss my correspondence with Vanessa."
"Yeah," agreed Sam.
"Me too," said Daniel.
"Do you think they'll miss us?" asked Jack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six Months Later
Hammond's brow creased into a frown as he replaced the red phone onto its cradle. Air Force One had just behaved rather out of character; he'd gasped something about pretzels, then hung up suddenly. The General guessed it had to be a new code word for something and yet again, he was the last to know. He was making a note to mention it to Major Davis when there was a knock at
his door. "Come in," he shouted.
The door swung open, revealing Doctor Jackson and Doctor Fraiser. The archaeologist carefully closed the door behind them and cleared his throat. Doctor Fraiser fiddled nervously with her hair, then shot a questioning glance at her companion.
"So what can I do for you, Doctors?" asked Hammond.
"Well, General...." began Daniel.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" asked Janet.
Hammond's heart sank. Whenever anyone ever said that, they always wanted to tell him something he really didn't want to hear. He nodded wearily.
Daniel's words came out even faster than usual. "Could we mail Ness?"
"It's an emergency," added Janet.
The General frowned. "You know the orders, I'm afraid the answer is no."
"But sir, it's an emergency," pleaded Doctor Fraiser.
"It is, General," confirmed Daniel.
Despite his better judgement, Hammond was curious. What on earth could possibly rate as 'an emergency'? They were missing an instalment of a story? They needed to know what the weather was like in Australia right now? Perhaps he was better off not knowing. But before his rational mind had a chance to kick in, he found himself asking, "What's the emergency?"
"The Colonel and Sam," said Janet.
Daniel nodded in agreement. "Things aren't going well. It's making life hell for the rest of us. They're managing to be civil to each other, but the old magic has gone."
"No teasing or flirting. And they've stopped...." Janet paused, searching for the right words. "...seeing each other socially."
Hammond raised his eyebrows. This was the first time he'd heard it called *that*. "I don't see why this is such a problem. They're doing their jobs professionally, aren't they?"
"Yes," agreed Daniel, "but we're walking on eggshells, waiting for the inevitable explosion. My nerves can't take much more, General."
"So you see, sir, we really need to mail Ness."
"We need her advice," said Daniel. "She sorted them out the last time."
Hammond pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on. He was being asked to sanction two of his staff breaking a direct order from the Pentagon to help the love life of two other members of his staff whose relationship contravened regulations anyway. Puffing out his cheeks, he said, "Can't you two sort it out, you're their closest friends?"
"We've tried everything we could think of, sir," said Janet. "We just can't get them to discuss things."
Daniel nodded. "We tried shutting them in the bomb shelter."
"And?" said Hammond, curiosity getting the better of him again.
"Sam picked the lock and they escaped," said Janet gloomily.
"Did you try anything else?" asked the General.
"Oh yeah," said Daniel with feeling. "We got Teal'c to sing to them until they started talking to each other."
Hammond winced. These two had a future in black ops. "What happened?"
"All they talked about was how bad Teal'c singing 'Hit me baby one more time' was," said Janet wearily.
The General tried to push that particularly bizarre image from his mind and pull himself together. He shook his head firmly. "I'm sorry, but the answer is still no. Orders are orders."
"Then perhaps you could have a word with them, sir?" asked Janet hopefully.
"I really don't think..." There was no way he was going to get involved. Absolutely no way.
"Please, General," added Daniel.
"Yeah, please, sir."
"All right, tell me what happened to cause this state of affairs and I'll think about it." Why did his mouth activate before his brain?
"Well, General, it all began when Orlin was hiding out at Sam's place..." began Daniel.
"Yeah, the Colonel hated that," agreed Janet.
"But what really put the lid on it was the blue jello incident...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six months later
"Do you think he'll allow us to resub?"
"I hope so, Daniel. Reading other stuff just isn't the same," said Sam, drumming her fingers impatiently on the briefing room table.
"I know what you mean," said the archaeologist, "I've been reading Farscape stuff and it just isn't...." He shrugged noncommittally.
"Nor is Star Trek: Voyager," agreed Jack, "though Seven of Nine has her moments." Noticing Sam's disapproving look, he asked, "So what have you been reading, Carter?"
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer," she mumbled, staring at her hands.
"I tried the X Files," said Janet. "Even read some stuff by authors who write about us. But ultimately, it was disappointing."
"What about you, Teal'c?" asked Jack.
"Star Wars," intoned the Jaffa solemnly.
"Of course, should have guessed," muttered O'Neill, who couldn't understand Teal'c's fascination with Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.
"You know, I think I've figured out why we don't like the other stories," said Daniel. "It's because they're not about real people."
The others were nodding in agreement as General Hammond entered the room "Good morning, people," he announced cheerfully, as he walked over to the table and took his customary place.
"So, is the order lifted, sir?" asked Sam.
The General smiled benevolently. He liked giving his staff good news for a change. "Yes, I'm told the threat to our history has passed."
Sam's eyes narrowed. "So you're saying the likelihood of us changing the timeline has faded. In other words, we've already experienced the events the note was sent to prevent. So we can find out what happened now and it won't make the slightest bit of difference. Which mission was it?"
"I hope it wasn't the one where you got kidnapped," said Jack quietly, thinking back to how lucky Sam had been on that one.
"Or the one where you were living with Orlin?" suggested Daniel.
Sam frowned. "I wasn't 'living with Orlin'. He happened to be living in my house."
"Semantics, Carter," muttered Jack. He turned back to the General. "So, sir.... can we?"
The General's grin got even bigger. "Yes, you may all resub to whatever mailing lists you want to. Though I will remind you that you are still being monitored by the Pentagon, so it may be a good idea to avoid anything that oversteps the boundaries of good taste if you don't want a note on your personal file." He shot a look at O'Neill.
"Permission to be excused, sir?" said Jack, already pushing his chair away from the briefing room table.
"Go on. Out of my sight all of you. I know I won't get any sense out of any of you until you've read some list mails."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Next Morning
"I can't believe I married Joe."
"Neither can I," agreed Jack.
Sam glanced across the briefing room table at the Colonel. He stared back earnestly. She could see hurt in his eyes. Enough was enough. In the alternate timeline Earth had been doomed because her and Jack had stopped listening to each other. Now was the time to say something before this all dragged on so long they became bitter and full of regrets. She licked her lips, wondering how to begin, when Jack spoke.
"The list were worried about us."
"Yeah. They missed the shippiness."
"I've missed it too," he said quietly. He reached across the table and took her hand in his. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he added, "Do you want to give it another try?"
Sam smiled and nodded. "I'll never mention the blue jello incident again."
"And I won't mention Orlin."
They were interrupted by Daniel walking into the briefing room, his face creased into a frown. When he noticed his friends he smiled and said, "I'm glad you two have finally made up. It took long enough!"
Jack decided to change the subject. "What's up, buddy? You look worried," he asked, giving Sam's hand one last squeeze before letting go.
"Not worried really. More curious. The list keep mentioning the fact that someone called MS is leaving. And every time I read about it I get the weirdest feeling, like someone's walking over my grave."
Jack thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Never heard of him. Unless it's one of those new SFs. Forget about it, I can't imagine it's anything to do with you."
"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."
the end
Story Notes: Danny Lurks 16: Author's notes : I know it's been a while... well, actually about a year, but finally here is the next instalment in the ongoing saga.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]