TITLE: Bitter Tears
AUTHOR: LauDy
EMAIL: nyakattia@hotmail.com
CONTENT WARNING: A bit of angst
RATING: G- at least that what it would be here in Australia
PAIRINGS: S/J UST
SPOILERS: In the Line of Duty, The Tokra 1&2, possibly Ascension if you look hard enough, set after Sam gets Major but before Meridian
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.
ARCHIVE: It'll be at Heliopolis, SJ yes
SUMMARY: Sam's tears
AUTHORS NOTES: This came to me as I was reading a fic by Karen. I was a long day and I was tired and a bit teary so I thought- hey what if Sam gets like that?
Feedback always appreciated.
Copyright (c) 2002 Kate Rohde
*****
It had been a long day. Sam sighed as she wearily opened her front door. The night always followed a pattern. Drop the keys on the hall table, any work she'd brought home on the kitchen table and open the fridge to see what was there.
Find something quick to eat, make it, eat it and do the work. Wash up, and tidy the house. Have a shower, brush teeth, get into bed and turn off the light. And then the tears started.
The tears that had built up during the day, but were previously unshed because there was always something that need to be done, and needed to be done now. So they were pushed back down deep within her and when she no longer had anything to keep her busy, they came back out.
Bitter tears. She slept on a wet pillow every night, for no matter how exhausted she was, she always cried herself to sleep. No one knew. So, curling up into a ball, she cried away her frustrations and anger and the ever-present hurt that was left inside her.
Her body racked with the silent sobs, till they slowed and she was finally able to sleep. Tomorrow she would become once more the tough Airforce Major. This had happened every night for several years.
Of course it didn't happen while off world-she was still alert there, her mind ticking over with the minerals she had found, or the danger they may be in. Probably why she didn't sleep so well on missions.
And occasionally she got so drunk she passed out- mainly on New Years or some party they might be having. Every single other night she cried those tears onto her pillow. It had happened for a few months when her mom had died, and after Jolinar. So it wasn't unusual when she was under emotional strain like that.
But nothing else like that had happened over the past few years- sure she had lost people but her family was okay- the extended one too- Daniel, Janet, Cassie, Teal'c, General Hammond, Colonel O'Neill. Her dad was fine too. Selmak basically kept him in good condition.
So what was wrong? She was in love. Not all romance, hearts and flowers, kind of love. Just a simple feeling that ran deep down to the very core of her soul. And she knew he felt the same way. Whenever he looked at her, she saw it.
Whenever he touched her, she felt it. It was so simple and so complex. So wonderful she could get drunk on the feeling, and so painful that it cut her to pieces inside. But nothing could ever come of it.
It sounded so cliched but that was the way it was. And she lived with the knowledge that while her love was not unrequited, it could never be returned. Never be opened up, shown to the world, and shared with him.
There could never be any physical expression of it. Their relationship had to be purely platonic, not for their sake, not for the Airforces sake, but for the sake of the whole world.
That was the way it was. So she hid it, deep down inside of her, along with the sorrow it caused. And every night it came out as she wept bitter tears on her pillow.
Story Notes: This came to me as I was reading a fic by Karen. I was a long day and I was tired and a bit teary so I thought- hey what if Sam gets like that?
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]