*****
When she was very young, Sam Carter became fascinated by the stars. As she grew older it became her purpose in life to do everything in her power to make it into space. Then one day she was assigned to the Stargate project, and she achieved that dream in a way she never could have imagined. Her purpose in life expanded to become one of discovering new worlds and protecting her home planet.
That purpose was cemented after Jolinar died within her, leaving her to pick up the pieces which included being told she could never carry a child to term. At the time she was able to bury her feelings on the subject quite easily. After all, she wasn't at a point in her life where she was in any way contemplating having a family, and she was able to convince herself that her career should be her priority anyway. Two years later a miscarriage would bring home to her just how silly a notion that was. She had lost something precious, and she was forced to take time to grieve for that. No one but her doctors had ever known about the baby, nor had she ever discussed her inability to carry a child with anyone but Janet.
Then on April 18th, 2005 her life took on a whole new purpose.
*****
May, 2004
Colonel Jack O'Neill had been in stasis for two weeks when the SGC finally made contact with the Asguard. Thor and a team of scientists immediately responded, and within two days were ready to make their report to Dr. Weir and the remainder of SG1. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c felt like they had been holding their breath for the entire forty- eight hours. The news when it came caused quite a stir.
"Can you help him?" Dr. Weir asked breaking the tension that had gathered in the room.
"Perhaps," Thor answered.
"You're not sure?" Weir attempted to clarify.
"Removing him from stasis is not a problem, and as you know we have the technology to remove the knowledge from Colonel O'Neill's mind. However the extended time he was infected with the knowledge coupled with the time in stasis have left some physical damage that will be difficult to correct without the proper genetic material at hand," Thor explained.
"Genetic material?" Daniel inquired.
"First we would need a large enough supply of blood to basically replace all in O'Neill's body which has been tainted by the stasis process. This needs to be an exact match," Thor informed them.
"O'Neill's clone could provide this, could he not?" Teal'c suggested.
"Sure," Sam answered. "It would have to be donated over a period of time, but I'm sure Jon would be willing."
"That would be acceptable," Thor agreed. "However we would also need what you refer to as stem cells and cord blood, matched genetically to O'Neill to allow for regeneration of important cells in his body. Without it we cannot guarantee that he would survive the revival process."
"Cord blood?" Dr. Weir clarified, hoping the alien had the term wrong.
"Yes, from the umbilical cord of the offspring of O'Neill," Thor verified.
"Ok, that's a problem," Daniel stated the obvious.
"Not really," Thor announced. "Loki kept many samples of O'Neill's genetic makeup from his experiments. We simply need a surrogate to supply the ovum and carry the resulting child to maturity. We would ensure that the embryo is a genetic match that will provide the needed stem cells and rich blood before implanting it."
There was stunned silence followed by protests from many voices at once.
"You are kidding, right?"
"Jack would never agree to that."
"I do not believe O'Neill would approve."
Only one voice was silent as her heart broke. They were right. Jack would never approve. He would be outraged at the though of bringing a child into the world with the express purpose of saving his life. And he would feel obligated to be a father to the child even though it was only genetically his. There would be no miracle to save Jack this time.
Thor was blinking in confusion at the storm that his words had caused. Finally he raised a finger to ask for silence.
"I do not understand. We had hoped that O'Neill would reproduce in the future to pass along his genetic traits anyway. This will allow for us to pick the perfect blending of genes. We had hoped that Major Carter would agree, considering her close relationship with O'Neill," Thor explained.
Four sets of eyes swung to look at Sam.
Crap.
*****
Sam felt herself squirming under the sudden attention. Dr. Weir looked apologetic, but both Daniel and Teal'c were suddenly very quiet as if this put a while new wrinkle on the request. Thor just looked expectant.
Dr. Weir broke the awkward silence. "I don't think you realize what you are asking her to do Thor," she gently told the alien. "She would be that child's mother and responsible for it for many years to come."
Daniel looked like he wanted to explore the idea and Sam decided to put a stop to this right away. "Besides, Thor, I can't," she stated softly.
Now the looks all turned curious. She took a deep breath and plunged ahead.
"I can't carry a child to term. The naquada in my blood would cause a miscarriage. It basically would poison the fetus," she explained.
"I don't think it would, Sam," Daniel interrupted. "Sha're was able to give birth to Shifu with no problems," he pointed out.
"Yes, but she had a symbiot, Daniel. Even though Amaunet was 'sleeping' the Goa'uld still could act as an immune system, even for the baby. Without that, the baby's immature systems couldn't cope with the heavy metal," Sam continued.
Daniel was in true scientist mode now and Sam could see a million questions he was dying to ask. Mentally she begged him to let it be. Dr. Weir saw that Sam was struggling to maintain her composure and tried to help.
"So that's a big no then Thor," she told their ally who had been silent throughout the discussion.
"Sam I'm so sorry. We had no idea. Are you sure… I mean it is all just theoretical," Daniel sympathized, beginning to understand just what Sam was saying. "You could try someday. The doctors could be wrong."
"They're not," Sam assured him raising pain filled eyes to meet his which widened as he correctly guessed that there was more to the story.
She looked away, blinking to rid her eyes of sudden wetness only to lock glazes with Teal'c who nodded in understanding. She would probably be fielding questions from them later in private.
Meanwhile Thor who had remained silent since suggesting Sam bear Jack's child finally spoke up.
"Major Carter is correct. Without interference the naquada in her blood would slowly kill her unborn child. We do have methods of preventing that however," he calmly stated.
"You do?" Sam asked, slightly stunned.
"Yes. It requires the introduction of certain enzymes into the embryo while it is still at the simple cell level, but that would be easy enough to do, especially if we are testing the embryo to ensure a genetic match for O'Neill prior to implantation anyway," Thor told her.
Sam felt a surge of pure joy. She could have a baby. Feelings she thought she had dealt with three years ago welled up. Suddenly the situation was very confusing. Jack would be fit to be tied to know she was even considering this. She could hear his voice in her head.
'Have you totally lost your mind, Carter?'
Holy Hannah, maybe she had, because everything in her was urging her to say she would do this.
*****
She would have laid odds that Daniel would have been the first one to seek her out in her lab. But to her surprise it was Elizabeth Weir that showed up five minutes after the meeting had adjourned with Sam's announcement that she would need to think about this.
"You aren't in anyway obligated to do this you know," Dr. Weir began.
"Yes, Ma'am, I know," Sam politely acknowledged.
"I have confirmation that you are being given command of SG1 with a promotion to Lt. Colonel to go along with the added responsibilities. You can't honestly tell me that you are willing to give all of that up," her CO inquired curiously.
"Under normal circumstances, no. But these aren't normal circumstances," Sam shrugged.
Dr. Weir eyed Sam speculatively. "I have a feeling I'm missing a huge piece of the puzzle, here, Major," she sighed.
"Yes, Ma'am. You probably are. There are factors involved here that even Teal'c and Daniel don't know about," Sam admitted.
Elizabeth paused. She didn't know this woman very well, so she didn't know if she would want or need any advice. "Do you have family you can discuss this decision with? Leaving out the classified parts of course," she asked Sam.
"SG-1 is my family, and I'm certain they are both just waiting out in the hallway for you to leave," Sam assured her.
"But they are men," Elizabeth pointed out. "What I'm saying is if you need to discuss this with a woman is there someone you can talk to? If not, my door is always open. I promise an impartial and off-the- record viewpoint," she offered.
"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind," Sam replied.
Confident that she had done all she could for the moment, Dr. Weir left, just barely keeping from bumping into Dr. Jackson in the hallway. She had to grin at that. Major Carter knew her teammates well.
Daniel burst into Sam's lab full of questions, but was silenced by his teammates upheld hand.
"I'm only going over all of this one time, Daniel. Get Teal'c and meet me at my house in an hour. I'll pick up food on the way home," she instructed him.
*****
An hour and a half later they were cleaning away the remains of their Chinese dinner and Sam knew that she couldn't hold them off any longer. They had brought Cassie up to speed while they ate, and now three sets of eyes were turned on her as they waited for her to tell them what she was thinking.
"I have a lot of factors to consider, guys. Not the least of which is how upset the Colonel is going to be if I do this," she told them. "And I won't do this just to save him. That's no way to justify bringing a child into the world. If I do this, it will be because I want to have a baby. I put that possibility out of my mind years ago, and now I have to honestly assess whether I want that enough to give up my career for it," she explained.
"You wouldn't need to give it up, Sam. Just put it on hold," Daniel pointed out.
"No Daniel, if I do this, I will be totally committed to it. I couldn't go off and put my life in danger knowing I would be leaving my child without a mother if something happened. If I do this, I'll be resigning my commission," Sam stopped them before they could protest. "That is not negotiable. Besides not wanting to be putting my life in danger daily, there would always be someone out there who would love to make an issue of chain of command and who the father is. They can't do that if I resign," Sam informed them. "Hopefully they will keep me on at the SGC as a civilian."
"I'm sure they would," Daniel assured her. "Sam you said in the briefing that you knew the doctor's were right and that you couldn't maintain a pregnancy. How do you know that? You could decide not to do this and go on and have a family the old fashioned way in the future," he suggested.
"I've had one miscarriage already Daniel," she told them. Taking a deep breath she took the plunge. "Three weeks after we returned from P2R-756."
"Thera," Daniel verified. "Who was the father?"
Teal'c answered for her. "Jonah."
Sam closed her eyes and nodded. "And you never told him?" Daniel asked in astonishment.
"Why? By the time I found out I was pregnant the baby was already in trouble. I lost it two days later. Why would I tell him? It would have just caused him pain. We were having enough trouble trying to get ourselves back on solid footing with each other," Sam explained.
"You made a wise choice Major Carter," Teal'c assured her.
She smiled through wet lashes in gratitude to him. Then took a stuttering breath and continued. "So you see Daniel, this is probably the only way I will ever get to do this," she concluded.
"What about Pete? How will you explain it to him?" Cassie asked.
Sam paled. Oh, lord. She hadn't even thought about Pete. Well that told her a lot, didn't it?
"I think I can safely say that Pete would be out of the picture if I go through with this," Sam admitted. "So I need you to shoot holes in this, guys. Let's list all the reasons why this is a really bad idea"
An hour later they had a list of twenty-three reasons why Sam shouldn't even consider this wild-ass plan. They had started listing the pros. There were only two. Jack O'Neill would have a chance at life and Sam would have a chance to be a mother. Of course a third 'pro' in her mind was that she would be having Jack's baby.
Jack's baby. She looked at the long list of cons. Suddenly twenty- three reasons didn't seem to be enough to stop her from doing this.
*****
She'd sent Daniel and Teal'c away the night before, and Cassie had gone to stay over at a friend's. Sam was left in peace. She tried to let the quiet calm of the evening seep into her soul, but she was restless and tense. She kept having visions of her future. In one she was a general, running the SGC. She was married, to a nice faceless man. She was happy. In another she was a single mom. She saw parent's nights and school plays, and she smiled at the thought. She refused to let her perfect future with Jack by her side at these events crystallize in her mind. That type of wishful thinking would sway her. She was trying to leave the man out of the equation.
After a restless night she was on her second cup of coffee when her front door bell rang. Expecting to find Daniel and Teal'c back to lend their support she was shocked to find herself face-to-face with General Hammond.
"Sir! Come in. I thought you were in DC? Would you like coffee?" she babbled.
"I flew here immediately after Dr. Weir briefed the President and I on Thor's proposal, Major," Hammond reported accepting a cup of coffee. "Needless to say President Hayes and I were both shocked at the idea, but we were even more surprised to hear that you were thinking about it," Hammond told her.
Sam blushed and busied herself with refilling her coffee mug. "You know me, Sir. I have to think everything to death," she commented. She turned back to him with her features schooled into a calm mask only to find him scanning the list of cons. She blushed again.
"This is a pretty good list," he acknowledged. "Just so you know, the President is against this. I am too. Major," he paused, "Sam, I know how close you all are to Jack, but this is going above and beyond. We may just need to admit there is nothing we can do to save him," he said with a sigh.
The thought filled her with despair. Never seeing Jack O'Neill again? Unthinkable. The man was back in the equation and the answer was becoming more and more clear. She would never forgive herself if she didn't give both Jack and herself this chance. Suddenly the calm exterior was no longer a front.
"Did Dr. Weir tell you that without Thor's help I'll never be able to have children?" Sam asked, seating herself down across from the General.
He looked up in surprise. "No, she left that part out."
"Jolinar," was the only explanation she gave.
"But Thor can fix you up? He would do that anyway if you asked, Major," Hammond assured her.
"It's not me he'll need to fix, it will be the embryo he will need to manipulate so that it can handle the naquada in my blood," Sam explained.
Hammond looked at her through new eyes. Sometimes he forgot there was a woman underneath the efficient officer and scientist. Now he saw that woman sitting in front of him, contemplating giving up perhaps her only chance at motherhood. A woman he knew had some pretty strong feelings for Jack O'Neill.
"You're going to do it aren't you?" he asked.
*****
April, 2005
Jack O'Neill drifted in and out of consciousness for several days. In his more lucid moments he recognized that he was on an Asguard ship, in a medical bay. He had seen Daniel and Teal'c at his bedside, and Thor and some of his little gray buddies hovering around. He was slightly concerned that he hadn't seen Carter. Finally he regained enough strength to keep his eyes open for more than two minutes. It was Daniel's face that swam into focus this time offering him much needed water.
Once his thirst was quenched, he managed a monosyllabic conversation with his teammate.
"Hey," he mumbled.
"Hey, Jack. Nice to see you back in the land of the living," Daniel smiled.
"How long?" Jack asked, the events that had brought him here having slowly come back to him as he'd drifted in and out of sleep. He actually was pretty surprised to wake up at all.
"Eleven months and three weeks," Daniel told him reluctantly.
Jack took a moment to take that in. "Wow."
"You could say that," Daniel agreed.
"Teal'c?" Jack asked putting off asking about the person he was concerned about.
"He's around. We've been taking shifts since you came out of stasis," Daniel assured him.
"Carter?" he finally asked. If it had been a year anything was possible.
"She was here, but she had to go back to Earth to take care of some things. She's fine," Daniel told him. He had strict orders to not mention a single word about the baby.
He didn't need to worry. Once reassured his team was safe Jack drifted back off to sleep. It would be days before his muddled brain was up to any sort of an explanation. Thor had insisted that he should be the one to explain since it had been his idea. Daniel suggested that he and Teal'c be present to assist with any explanations. Sam, busy trying to settle back into life with a newborn and thought it best she not be there when he got the news.
"He'll be confused, Daniel. And that's going to make him even angrier. He'll need time to calm down," she'd explained the previous evening. When they weren't sitting by Jack's bedside they were taking turns helping Sam out with the baby. Needless to say they were all exhausted. Thank goodness Cassie was home from college now, and that left Daniel and Teal'c free to stay up on Thor's new ship with Jack.
Two weeks after Jack had been removed from stasis, the moment of truth had arrived. They were heading back to Earth that day, but before they went, they needed to brief Jack on everything that had happened. They began with telling him the immediate aftermath of the battle with Anubis, and moved on to their attempts to contact the Asguard. Thor took over at that point explaining what his scientists had discovered after analyzing the stasis pod. Jack had been following along silently, but stopped them at that point.
"Excuse me?" he asked paling. He prayed he had misunderstood the little gray guy.
"Uh, yeah. The only way you could be safely removed from that frozen stasis safely was by using cord blood and stem cells to boost your immune system and stabilize some of your brain functions," Daniel verified.
"Danny, so help me, if you all are going to tell me that you convinced some poor woman to be a surrogate mother to produce a baby to save my life, I am going to personally strangle you on the spot," Jack said getting agitated.
"Be calm O'Neill, that was not the case," Teal'c assured him.
Jack took a deep breath and started to calm down. Teal'c next words caused him to almost choke to death on the water he was drinking. "Samantha Carter volunteered eagerly."
*****
He was a father. The words filled him with dread and wonder. He was so confused. And royally pissed-off. What the hell had she been thinking? She'd had no right to take that sort of decision onto herself.
Jack had been back at the SGC for several hours. He'd survived a battery of tests, and another debrief with Dr. Weir. Then he'd been given two weeks leave to 'get his life back in order'. He'd laughed out loud at that one. Seems everyone else had been ordering his life around for him. He sighed as he sunk down in the VIP quarters. It had been late when they were finished, and Daniel suggested that they crash on base and then head to Jack's house (which had been kept up for him) in the morning. Then the archeologist had put a large manila envelope into his hands.
"You should look at this before you go home anyway. Sam says it will explain a lot," Daniel shrugged, obviously unsure himself of the contents.
Now Jack opened the envelope to find two sheets of paper and a videocassette. One piece of paper was a list of some sorts that looked like it was in Cassie's handwriting. The other was note from Sam.
Jack,
If I know you, you are not a happy camper at this moment. I'm sorry for that. I did what I thought was best, what I thought I could live with for the rest of my life without beating myself up with regrets. Attached is the list of all the reasons we (SG1 and Cassie) came up with for me not to do this. There are a lot of good points listed. So you are probably wondering why I went ahead and did it anyway. I wanted to explain that in person, but I chickened out. So I made this tape instead. You know where to find me when you are ready to deal with this.
Love,
Sam
With trembling fingers he slipped the tape into the VCR. After a moment Sam Carter filled the screen. He sucked in an involuntary breath. He'd forgotten just how stunning she was. She looked tired, but happy. Her hair was a bit longer, and she wasn't as thin. He was so lost in looking at her he had to rewind the tape to catch the beginning of what she had said.
"Hey. So I said I would explain why I did this. Knowing you would be angry, and maybe never even want to see me again, I still had to do it. I love you Jack, and the thought of living my life with you hating me was easier to cope with than the thought of living my life without you in it at all. But even given that, I still wouldn't have done it if I had even a small hope of giving birth to a child any other way. I've known for years that I couldn't have children. Jolinar did too much damage. I had accepted the fact, or thought I had until Thor offered a way for me to have a child. And not just any child, your child. So this is why I did it Jack."
The camera swung around and suddenly he was looking at a little pink bundle with a scrunched up face and hands balled up and stuffed into her mouth.
"Meet Margaret Marie, my little miracle," Sam whispered.
A moment later the camera was back on Sam, tears streaming down her face.
"Thank you Jack." And with that the screen went blank.
Jack felt the anger that had been building since he's gotten the news dissipate. He was still confused by the whole situation, but he couldn't be mad at Sam. Especially since it didn't appear that she felt like her life was ruined by this decision. He wished she had trusted them with the knowledge that she couldn't have kids. It must have been a real kick in the gut and he wished they could have helped her through it. But he understood why she hadn't said anything. After all, other than Ry'ac, kids were a painful subject among the members of SG1.
Suddenly he was filled with a desperate longing to go see his daughter. As he lay in the bed waiting until morning he mentally corrected himself. His daughter and her mother. You know you want to see her too. He'd had a few fantasies over the course of the years involving Sam and children. Now the fantasy was there for the taking.
Jack O'Neill spent the night trying to figure out if he could somehow manage to not screw it up.
*****
His truck was parked safely in the garage of his house, which looked neat and cared for. The other half of the garage was filled with… baby stuff.
"Daniel? Care to explain?" Jack offered, although his friend could tell he was more curious than angry.
"Uh, you're not going to believe this, but Sam refused to set up a nursery until after the baby was born. Said it was bad luck. We've been storing the stuff here, but we haven't had time to put it together yet," Daniel explained.
"Carter was.. superstitious?? Jack asked in dismay.
"Yeah, there's a story behind that, but it's up to her to tell you," Daniel told him. "So do you want help with anything? We've been keeping up with all of the bills, but there's some personal mail that has been piling up. We left it all for you in your den," Daniel offered. "The fridge had been stocked, and the truck got an overhaul last week so it's all tuned up."
"Thanks Daniel. I appreciate all of the hard work. But now I think I need some time to find my feet," Jack politely dismissed him.
"Then I think I'll head home. I'm sure I have a pile of mail waiting too," Daniel agreed, undisturbed.
In reality the instant Daniel was gone Jack rummaged around for his truck keys and was out the door. None of this was going to feel real until he saw Sam and the baby for himself. Fifteen minutes later found him on Sam doorstep. Cassie opened the door before he had a chance to ring the bell, and with a finger on her lips to silence him she ushered him in.
"They are both napping," she whispered after wrapping him in a huge hug.
"Can I just take a peek? I promise not to wake them," Jack begged.
Cassie led him to the bedroom and opened the door. He could see Carter curled up under a light blanket on the bed. She looked so peaceful. In the corner stood a bassinet. He crept over using his best stealth training and gazed at his daughter as she lay on her back also peacefully sleeping. Her hands were up around the sides of her head gently curled, and even in her sleep her perfect little lips were making a sucking motion. He was instantly, completely in love. After a couple of minutes he turned and made his way out of the room. Cassie was shocked to see tears on his face as he passed her. She had never seen Jack cry before.
"Tell Carter I'll be back," he whispered, and then he was gone.
When Sam padded out to the kitchen later she was disappointed to learn that Jack had been and gone. Cassie got a grilling on exactly what he had done, and said. Unfortunately there was no way to accurately interpret his actions. Had the tears been good or bad?
In reality Jack had been so overwhelmed by his emotions he'd needed to find someplace quiet to think. Not surprisingly he ended up at Charlie's grave. He stared guiltily at the headstone for several minutes. Finally he put those feelings aside and eventually he haltingly told his son all about his new baby sister, and asked him to look out for her. He stayed there trying to come to grips with everything until the sun started to fade.
He was going to wait until the next day to go over to Carter's again. But after grabbing some dinner he found himself back in his truck sitting outside her house. Inside the lights were on and through a side window he could see Sam walking Margaret back and forth. Through the open window as he approached the house he could hear the soft wail of one unhappy baby.
When she answered the door Sam was never so happy to see anyone in her entire life. Cassie had been looking forward to her friend's birthday party for weeks, so when Daniel had called and said that he and Teal'c were being sent out with SG-2 to help translate something, she had insisted that the teen go anyway. She was certainly capable of taking care of her daughter for the evening on her own. Now, two hours of uninterrupted crying later, she was beginning to wonder. Jack just took one look at the dark circles under her eyes and swept the infant out of her arms. Before she knew it she was sitting in the chair curled up watching the father of her baby walk her soothingly around the kitchen.
"Maggie Mae, what is the problem?" he crooned. Within minutes the crying had ceased and Maggie was quiet, gazing up at the stranger with half asleep eyes, one little fist tightly latched onto his shirt.
Sam looked at him in astonishment.
"Sara always did say I had the touch," he admitted with an embarrassed grin. "You look exhausted, why don't you go to sleep and I'll stay until she's ready to go down."
She was too tired to argue, and as much as she wanted to talk to him she was in no shape to do so, so she gave him a few quick directions on where to find diapers and bottles and wearily dragged herself off to bed. She didn't wake up again until 08:00 the next morning. Panicked she leaped out of bed to find her daughter just starting to stir, Jack having stayed long enough to take care of the both of the middle of the night feedings.
"He said he had a lot of errands to run," Cassie explained. "He was great with Maggie."
"I thought we decided on Meg," Sam argued knowing it was losing battle. Jack had dubbed their daughter Maggie and it would be like trying to turn the tide of the ocean to get the name to change.
Cassie just grinned. "Maggie Mae fits her, don't you think? I told him she was named for his mother and yours. He was very touched. Oh and he took the album and tape from your pregnancy that you made for him."
One thing she knew about Jack O'Neill was that he would beat himself up for every minute he had missed already. So she had kept a video journal, and a picture album. In them she had documented mood swings, ultrasounds, first kicks and cravings. Her labor and delivery were filmed in all their glory by an alternately thrilled and embarrassed Daniel as Teal'c encouraged her to 'Push' and 'Breath'. Her fears about miscarrying were also in there. She hadn't explained why she feared it so, that hurdle was still ahead of her.
When she hadn't heard from him by late afternoon her cautious optimism was taking a beating. Finally there was a phone call, with an apologetic Jack explaining he had been paged to the SGC for a meeting. He hoped to make it over the next day. Sam wondered if he had any clue what the day was.
Sunday dawned clear and mild. Maggie had woken her up the normal three to four hour intervals, but since Sam had managed a whole night of sleep the night before she was feeling pretty good. When the infant started fussing at 07:30, Sam was surprised to smell breakfast cooking. She threw on some clothes and changed her daughter's diaper, then headed out to the kitchen to prepare a bottle expecting to see Cassie. Instead she found Jack, and a breakfast fit for a queen.
"Happy Mother's Day," he smiled, taking Maggie and waving her to a seat. He picked up a bottle that was all ready and the baby latched onto it greedily. "She eats like a horse," he commented with a shake of his head. "You decided not to nurse?"
"The naquada leached into my breast milk and she had problems digesting it. We had to give up after three days," Sam explained attacking the stack of pancakes in front of her. "Thank you so much for this. I can't believe you thought of it."
"I have to confess, Cassie reminded me it was today when I was here Friday night," Jack admitted.
"Still, it's a nice gesture," Sam told him. She put her fork down and looked at him with a sigh. "We need to talk," she said quietly. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat you know."
Jack sighed. "I know. I *was* upset. I was downright pissed that you had done this, right up until the moment that you turned the camera onto Maggie and introduced us. Then I was just confused. Once I got my first real glimpse of her on Friday I was overwhelmed by feelings. Mostly good ones though. You were right. She is a miracle. And I don't want to miss a minute of her growing up. I lost out on too many moments with Charlie. The meeting yesterday was because the President wants me to take over running the SGC. It would mean a promotion to General and I wouldn't have to be off-world much. I accepted," Jack announced, pausing to see her reaction.
She was still looking at him with large wary eyes, but he thought he saw a bit of excitement lurking there.
"That's great, Jack, I mean Sir," she teased with a salute.
"Please don't go back to 'Siring' me to death again, *Doctor* Carter," Jack groaned.
"You'll be my boss," she frowned.
"No, I actually suggested that you, as the lead scientist at the SGC, report directly to General Vadrine at the Pentagon. He will be responsible for coordinating your department's efforts with those ongoing at Area 51," Jack explained.
Sam nodded her agreement. That made sense, and it would allow them to work together without preventing them from having a relationship. Assuming that is what he wanted. He had only mentioned wanting to be there for Maggie so far.
"So, now that that's all settled, what do you say to us taking a walk to the park. I spotted a stroller in the stockpile in my garage and got it out and ready to go," Jack suggested.
Sam blinked. She wasn't sure what all they had settled, but she could certainly use the fresh air and exercise, so she agreed. She would just have to play it by ear until he gave her some indication of what he wanted their relationship to be. After all he'd been gone a year and then thrown into a pretty confusing situation. He might not even be sure what he wanted himself.
Jack on the other hand knew exactly what he wanted. And he thought she understood that he wanted them to be a family. Of course it never occurred to him that she had spent the last ten months preparing herself for the worst and that she wouldn't know that he still loved her unless he told her.
*****
They had a nice time at the park. Walking there tired Sam out enough that she was ready to just sit so they found a spot near an open field where there was a baseball game being played and watched the kids. Jack had a great time explaining the game to Maggie who occasionally opened her eyes and gazed up at him for a moment before dozing back off again. Definitely a daddy's girl, Sam decided with a sigh. Looking at Jack gaze back at the infant in adoration Sam could see that her role as the disciplinarian was clearly mapped out.
They made their way slowly home and after feeding Maggie again both mom and daughter were ready for a nap. Jack used the time to go do some grocery shopping so he could make the ladies of the house a nice dinner. When he returned he and Cassie had a chance to talk some more.
"So, Sam's not under your command, you two have a daughter together and you're madly in love with each other. What are you waiting for?" the teen teased.
"I'm not waiting for anything. I'm here, aren't I?" Jack pointed out.
"So everything is settled? Are you getting married, living together, what?" Cassie inquired.
"We haven't gotten that far, Cass," Jack replied.
"Only because I bet you haven't brought it up. And Sam won't. She's taking her lead from you, because she's operating on no sleep and hormonal swings. She's going to second guess everything unless you say the words," she advised.
"The words?" Jack asked.
"You know which ones I mean," Cassandra shook her head in defeat.
He did, and he knew he wanted to say them. But he still hadn't adjusted to the fact that it was allowed. Nor was he totally confident that she reciprocated the feelings. When he'd last seen her she had been happily making a life for herself outside of the mountain. One that didn't include him.
"What ever happened to Pete?" he asked casually.
Cassie rolled her eyes at him. "Took about five minutes for Sam to get rid of him. If you noticed, he wasn't even on the list of 'cons' we made up. He stopped by once about three months ago. Sam really should have told him about the baby. The look on his face was priceless. Once she assured him that it wasn't his he vamoosed pretty quickly. Of course the bad news was he called up his buddy Mark and Sam got another surprise visitor two days later. Luckily Teal'c was here. I'm not totally sure Sam convinced her brother that Teal'c wasn't the father," she told him with a grin.
"Sorry I missed that," Jack said shaking his head.
"Well once he sees Maggie and meets you he'll figure it out," she told him.
"Why do you say that?" Jack asked.
"Come on Jack. Maggie is pure O'Neill. I'm betting if you pulled out Charlie's baby pictures they would look identical," she suggested.
Jack nodded. He'd noticed. "She's got more delicate features, but yeah, she looks just like him." Then another thought crossed his mind. "Does Jacob know?"
Cassie shook her head. "Nobody has seen or heard from the Tok'Ra since before you went away. Sam's worried, but she won't let it show," she told him.
"She's been through a lot in the last year," he replied.
"Yeah, but it was worth it. Have you watched the video? The look on her face when they put Maggie in her arms says it all," Cassie smiled remembering the joy that Sam had radiated.
They heard Sam's bedroom door open and they broke off their private conversation to greet her.
"Hey, I didn't expect you to still be here," she commented in surprise.
"I'm making dinner for three beautiful ladies," Jack quipped.
"Oh! That's sounds nice," she replied looking between the two of them. They looked pretty innocent so she figured they hadn't been up to anything too disturbing. "I'm going to sneak a shower in before Maggie wakes up. Are we positive we are sticking with Maggie?" she asked hopefully.
"Yep. Just look at it this way, it could have been much worse" Jack assured her. She raised her eyebrow to ask how. "I could have decided she looked like a Marge," he told her shoving her in the direction of the bathroom.
*****
Once Maggie was awake and fed Jack presented Sam with a small package that he said was from their daughter. While he sat with the baby in his arms he watched as Sam opened the jewelry box to find two intertwined hearts on a slender silver chain. One heart was set in Sam's birthstones, emeralds, the other in Margaret's, diamonds. Sam couldn't help the years that welled up.
"Thank you, it's beautiful," she whispered.
Then Cassie pulled out a smaller box and handed it to her. "This is from me," she said looking kind of embarrassed.
Inside was a third heart in Cassie's birthstone, peridot. It was made to fit onto the opposite side of Sam's heart from Maggie's. Now the tears were flowing freely.
"This is so perfect," she snuffled, wiping away the tears. "Except for the darn hormones," she complained with a chuckle. "I swear I cried at a fabric softener commercial the other day."
"It's allowed," Jack commented sympathetically. "Maggie has zoned out. Let's put dinner on while we have the peace and quiet."
Over dinner they chatted about things Jack had missed during his year off. Cassie described her first year at college, and Sam filled him in on a few developments at the SGC. After they finished eating Cassie headed off to a movie with a friend leaving Sam and Jack alone. As they were clearing the dishes Jack decided to bring up all of the stuff in his garage.
"So don't you think it's time to set up the nursery Carter?" he asked, amused. "I can't believe you are superstitious."
"Yes, it is time. I'm sorry we left it so long but it got kind of crazy. Daniel and Teal'c were beaming back and forth between Thor's ship and here while you were recovering. And I wasn't superstitious," she replied.
"Then why not set up the nursery *before* Maggie was born?" he asked.
"At first I was just waiting to make sure everything was ok. I kept putting off buying everything, and people started to tease me. Daniel knew how scared I was that something was going to go wrong so he made up the story that I was superstitious for Cassie," Sam explained. "I didn't want her to know why I was so worried," she said. "Jack, the naquada in my blood is why I couldn't have children. It's poisonous to a fetus and causes a miscarriage. Cassie will have the same problems. Janet had decided to wait until she was twenty or twenty- one to tell her she would never be able to carry a baby to term. Then Thor came along and offered a solution. I didn't want to worry her until we knew if it would work. The good news is now we know how to get around it. She'll need to use invetro like I did, but she *can* have kids," she told him.
"That good. She's been through enough in her life without taking that away from her too," Jack commented. "But how did the Doc know what the Naquada would do to an unborn child? She had no reference point."
Sam took a deep breath. It was now or never. "She weren't 100% sure at first. She consulted Dr. Peterson the OBGYN we use. They were concerned enough that they warned me off trying to have children. Then several years ago I got pregnant, and at four weeks I miscarried. They autopsied the fetus. The Naquada had kept any major organs from forming."
Jack was stunned. Sam had been pregnant? Who the hell had been the father? He thought back. She's said several years ago. Martouf? Sam could see the confusion and hurt flit across his features, even though he was fighting to keep a controlled mask in place. She placed a hand on his arm. Somehow she needed a physical connection when she told him the next part.
"It was yours, Jack. The result of our nights together as Jonah and Thera," she whispered.
She could feel the jolt that passed through him at the news. Then he closed his eyes and hid body went totally stiff. Jack was doing everything in his power to keep the grief at the thought of having lost another child from overwhelming him. Sam's hand falling from his arm and a soft snuffle finally caused his eyes to open and he noticed that she looked even worse than he did. Pale and in tears, she was staring at her feet.
"I'm so sorry," she managed to utter through the tears.
He wanted to comfort her but one thought kept him rooted to the spot. "How could you have kept this from me? I had a right to know," he accused softly.
"I couldn't tell you. Do you remember those weeks after we came back? We were barely speaking and we were afraid to even be in the same room alone with each other. It was so hard trying to go back to being 'Colonel' and 'Major'. By the time I discovered I was pregnant I was already losing the baby. How could I come to you and tell you without throwing myself in your arms and breaking down? And then where would we have been?" Sam inquired moving over to the window to stare out at gathering darkness.
Jack had to admit she was right. They had been a mess for months after that mission. It had taken all his willpower to keep from walking into Hammond's office and retiring on the spot. If he had been aware of what she was going through there was no way he would have been able to keep it professional. So instead she had taken on the burden of grieving alone. Then, three years later, she had faced the possibility of going through it all again to have Maggie. Was there anything this woman wasn't strong enough to handle?
Suddenly he found himself behind her, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her back against him as he turned her slightly so he could see her face.
"You're right. And you have nothing to be sorry for, Sam. It wasn't your fault. I'm the one that's sorry that you had to go through everything alone. Both then and now with Maggie. I wish I could have been there for you," he apologized.
Sam stared into his eyes feeling more than a bit confused. The feel of his arms around her was absolute heaven, but was he just comforting her or did this mean more? Jack settled the question by leaning down and capturing her lips in a gentle kiss that quickly escalated. Just as she was turning to be fully in his embrace an unhappy wail from their daughter brought them both to their senses.
Jack groaned. "It's all coming back to me now. The sleepless nights, constant feedings and incredibly bad timing they have all adds up to no loving for Mom and Dad," he complained.
Sam was both terribly disappointed and a bit relieved to have the excuse to regain her equilibrium. She walked over to pick Maggie up from the bassinet and willed her heart to stop jumping out of her chest. Unsure how to act she resorted to O'Neill sarcasm.
"Diapers or bottle?" she quipped.
"Like you have to ask. I'll fix a bottle," Jack told her.
Sam took Maggie off to change her and returned to find the bottle all ready. She curled up in the big armchair and let the hungry baby eat. Jack watched and a smile hovered at the sight. Feeling his eyes on her she looked up. The look of pure adoration was back. Was it her imagination or was it aimed at her this time?
"What?" she asked.
"I wish I had a camera," he admitted.
Sam blushed. "It's on my dresser," she offered.
He retrieved it and snapped a couple of pictures hoping one of them accurately captured the scene. It was one he wanted to remember. While she was occupied he figured he would go back to the subject they had been discussing over dishes.
"So, the nursery, I have two weeks off. We should spend the time getting it set up," he suggested.
"You're not going fishing?" she teased, although the thought behind the question was serious.
"Nah. The weather is too iffy this time of year and Maggie's too young to be hauling up there anyway. We'll wait until July or August and try to get a week then when we can enjoy the weather," he told her.
"We?" she asked breathless at the speed things were happening.
Jack looked at her in amusement and slight disbelief. Cassie was right. Even after the kiss they had just shared Sam was still unsure of where they stood. He *was* going to have to say the words.
"We," he confirmed. He stood up and walked over to where she sat ignoring the sound his knees made as he crouched in front of her. "You and I and our daughter. I love you Sam, Both of you. Please come fishing with me," he asked.
She couldn't help but think of all the other times he had asked and she had forced herself to refuse. This time her answer was accompanied by a huge smile.
"We'd love to!"
*****
He spent the night. Although it was too soon both physically for Sam and emotionally for their new relationship to have sex, they spent the few hours of rest they got in between feedings wrapped in each other's arms. It was the best sleep Sam had gotten in over a year. When she returned to bed in the wee hours after resettling the baby Jack was laying awake waiting for her.
"I have a question," he said as she snuggled back into his arms. "Is Thor the only one that can perform this magical procedure he used?"
"No. The technique didn't require any specialized equipment so he gave detailed records on the procedure to the medical staff at the SGC," Sam told him. "Why?"
"I just wanted to know if we would need to call on him again when we are ready to give Maggie a brother or sister," he explained.
*****
The end
Story Notes: Season: Season 7, immediately after Lost City II
Spoilers: Up through Lost City part II.
Author's Notes: This story is dedicated to all of the women out there who find their purpose in life each time they kiss a scraped knee, help with homework, or question their teen as to where they will be, with whom and when they will be home. Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!
Spoilers: Up through Lost City part II.
Author's Notes: This story is dedicated to all of the women out there who find their purpose in life each time they kiss a scraped knee, help with homework, or question their teen as to where they will be, with whom and when they will be home. Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]