Sam had just worked out her frustration of not being able to find the colonel on a punch bag in the gym. Now she was sitting in the dark locker room crying. She felt so helpless and annoyed with herself for not finding him yet. She couldn’t help but think of the other times he had gone missing. She dreaded anything like that happening again. It would be all her fault this time too; she had let Maybourne get hold of her zat. She deserved more than one shot from that thing for her mistake. She should have been more careful. Thinking like that will get you nowhere Samantha, she thought to herself; you will find him, like you have before. You are not going to lose Jack, not this soon after Daniel. She was most worried he might be going through what Ba’al put him through. He had never told her, or anyone else in great detail, what had happened there. Yet she had seen his clothes, his expression, he had been through more than hell. This thought only made her cry more, she shouldn’t be acting like this, but lately she was coming close to throwing away the regulations and let everyone know how she felt. Though she was pretty sure that everyone knew already.
“Major Carter.” She jumped out of her thoughts when she heard Teal’c and wiped away the tears staining her face.
“This is the woman’s locker room Teal’c.” she replied with a bit of annoyance in her voice. Why couldn’t everyone leave her alone?
“It appears that there is no-one else here and you are fully clothed.” Teal’c stated as he walked over to Sam.
“True.” Sam agreed. Everyone had left when she came in; she really must be wearing her emotions on her sleeve at the moment. Teal’c came down and sat next to her, as she wiped the never ending tears away again, not really wanting to share them with anyone.
“Are you all right Major Carter?” Teal’c asked calmly, not noticing Sam’s reluctance to talk, or choosing not to.
“I’m fine, yeah.” Replied Sam, seemingly unable to sound anything but fine.
“Have you given up hope of finding O’Neill?” Teal’c asked again, looking at her when he said Jack’s name. Sam didn’t want to think about why he did that.
“Hope? No, but I’m starting to think Dr. Lee is right. I don’t think the doorway is the answer.” Sam fought to keep the sadness and hopelessness out of her voice, but by the way Teal’c was looking at her she figured it wasn’t working. “It’s been almost a month, if there is a way back…(sob)…it’s just…(sob).” Sam couldn’t keep her tears back anymore. “It feels like we just lost Daniel, and I don’t know if I can…” Sam trailed off and started crying freely, Teal’c offered support by putting his arm around her. In return Sam hugged him back crying into his chest, giving her the comfort and permission to express her emotions that she desperately needed. They sat like that for a while, until Sam’s tears had dried up. Teal’c kept an arm round her for physical support as she gathered herself together.
“We will get O’Neill back. You have achieved what was thought impossible before to return him. You will succeed again. I am sure of it.” Teal’c stated looking at Sam with nothing but honesty and confidence in his eyes.
“Thank you Teal’c.” Sam replied sitting up. Teal’c bowed his head to her.
Sam did figure out where Jack had gone, and the Tok’Ra went to pick him up as soon as they could. When he came through the ‘Gate everyone looked like they were going to cheer. Teal’c nodded at Jack and offered him a smile. Jonas waved and grinned. Sam just grinned at Jack, trying to restrain the need to hug him, to make sure it was really him. General Hammond expressed his relief at seeing Jack home and safe, then ordered him to the Infirmary, not that he really needed too. He then suggested that the rest of SG1 go home and have some rest. There would be a briefing tomorrow morning at 9 am, on the assumption that Jack would be out of the infirmary by then.
Jack didn’t stay long in the infirmary, after he’d cleaned up, been patched up and had many a needle stuck in him Janet ordered him to get some food then go home and get some rest. The results from the tests she had done so far came back clean, and she couldn’t find any adverse affects to the plant for now. Jack was now sitting in the infirmary feeling a whole lot better and taking his time over a glass of blue jello. He was trying to figure out why Carter hadn’t come to see him, according to Janet it was she who figured out where he was. His wandering mind was interrupted by Teal’c, who sat down opposite Jack.
“O’Neill.” He stated as way of saying hello.
“Hey Teal’c.” Jack replied still looking at his jello.
“Is there something bothering you O’Neill?” Teal’c asked his face impassive.
“Nah Teal’c, just tired, and still trying to get used to jello again, I’ve been living on nothing but fish and that dammed plant for a month.” Jack said smiling as he looked at his friend.
“You seem bothered that Major Carter has not come to see you yet.” Teal’c said simply. Jack looked at him in surprise, and then around the cafeteria just to make sure Hammond wasn’t there. Teal’c was right of course and to perceptive for his own good as well. Though Jack was not going to admit that.
“Teal’c I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m tired and still suffering from the multitude of needles that Janet stuck in me.” Jack said trying to keep the humor in his voice, but somehow he couldn’t quite keep the slight panic hidden.
“Major Carter was most distressed for the duration of your disappearance. She also blames herself for your disappearance.” Teal’c stated simply again, nodding his head knowingly to one side. Jack looked around him again; they really shouldn’t be talking about this in here. He looked at Teal’c in the vague hope that Teal’c would see that he knew. Jack did not trust himself to talk at the moment, he did not know Carter had been beating herself up about his ‘holiday’.
“I believe she is at home now, per General Hammond’s orders for SG1 to rest.” Teal’c continued, a slight smile creeping onto his face. Jack just looked at him, not quite believing his ears, but also knowing what Teal’c was trying to say. Jack had made the mistake before of not thanking her for all the hard work she put in to get him home. He has hurt her in ways none of them could admit when he was on Edora. Jack then made a spur of the moment decision, it would probably get him and her into some sort of trouble, but these days he was starting to care less and less. He got up nodded to Teal’c and thanked him. Teal’c nodded in return and wished him a safe drive.
Jack was soon at Carter’s house knocking on her front door and wandering if he really should be doing this. Before he could back out of this Carter opened the door.
“Sir?!” she exclaimed.
“Hey Carter, I’ve just been talking to Teal’c…” Jack trailed off as he saw her eyes widen in embarrassment and panic.
“Er you wanna come in sir?” Sam said gesturing him in. Jack went in and sat down on the couch noticing the Simpsons were on TV. He also wandered why Carter would be watching them, and why she looked embarrassed at the thought of him talking to Teal’c.
“Do you want a drink sir?” Carter called from the kitchen. She didn’t quite want to be in his company yet, if he knew how she had acted this past month especially in front Teal’c. She shook her head grabbed two beers and went back into the living room. She saw Jack had already made himself at home and was laughing along with the Simpsons. She offered him the beer and sat down next to him, the tension seemed to lift as they sat there in silence only broken by the occasional laugh. When the episode had finished Jack turned to Sam.
“You know I’ve missed a month of these.” He stated.
“I think Jonas recorded them for you.” Sam replied after a short giggle.
“Trying to get into my good books I see.” Jack laughed back.
“He’s a good guy, it’s not the same without Daniel though.” Sam replied her voice with a sudden sadness in it. “It’s not the same without you.”
“Hey you get command.” Jack said at an attempt of humor, though it didn’t come out that way. Sam looked at Jack, tears welling in her eyes.
“It was all my fault sir, I let that…what if we couldn’t find you…I was so worried that you might…” she trailed off not wanting to think about anything like that happening to him again. She couldn’t believe she was acting like this again, she should not be crying in front of her commanding officer.
“You’re not at fault Carter.” Jack said wanting desperately to take her into his arms. “Hey I even got to shoot Maybourne, twice.” Jack grinned.
Sam grinned back, still trying to keep the tears from falling again.
“I knew I would get home coz I knew you were working on a way to get me home. You wouldn’t give up on me that easily, just like the last times. I would do the same for you.”
Sam looked at Jack, a confession like that was dangerous, and not expected from him. She smiled at him feeling better, and even happier he was back in one piece.
He carefully put an arm round her and she lent on his shoulder, any worries about blame were lifted. He didn’t blame her for what had happened, so she couldn’t blame herself either. They sat like that for the rest of the evening watching the Simpsons. The thought that one-day they could do this without worrying about the consequences. They could one day be together and express their feelings so they wouldn’t have to go through things like this again. That day felt closer and closer now.
END
Story Notes: Disclaimer: MGM, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp own Stargate and all related characters. I do not own any of them and I am making no profit from this.
Date: Jan 2003
Note: I know by now there are many Paradise Lost episode additions out there, but this is my first complete Stargate fanfic, as I seem to have finally caught my Muse, and it happened while I was watching this episode. Sorry if anything is out of character, I'm kinda new to 'Gate and kinda not. It's along complicated story! :)
Spoilers: Small = A Hundred Days, Abyss. Large = Paradise Lost. General ‘Gate.
Date: Jan 2003
Note: I know by now there are many Paradise Lost episode additions out there, but this is my first complete Stargate fanfic, as I seem to have finally caught my Muse, and it happened while I was watching this episode. Sorry if anything is out of character, I'm kinda new to 'Gate and kinda not. It's along complicated story! :)
Spoilers: Small = A Hundred Days, Abyss. Large = Paradise Lost. General ‘Gate.
End Notes: Copyright (C) Elisa Azure
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]