*~*~*~*
And when you looked into my eyes felt a sudden sense of urgency
Fascination casts a spell and you become more than just a mystery
And I think about you all the time
Is this fate is it my destiny
That I think about you all the time
Savage Garden, "Chained to You"
*~*~*~*
Colonel Jack O'Neill took a moment to glance back at the rest of his team. Samantha Carter's face was flushed red and covered with a sheen of sweat; as he watched, she pulled off her cap with one hand and used the other to scrub over her face and through her damp hair. Daniel Jackson looked much the same, his glasses slipping down his face and his hat long since replaced with a bandana tied around his forehead. The heat didn't seem to be bothering Teal'c as much as the others, but his face was nevertheless shiny with sweat.
Not too far in the distance lie a clearing at the base of a rocky cliff; trees ringed the grassy space in a rough semi-circle. "Ready for a break, kids?" he called out. In the shade of the trees, Daniel and Jack collapsed onto the ground as Teal'c sat gracefully, cross-legged. Sam put down her pack and shrugged out of her jacket gratefully. She took a few sips of water before grabbing her sample kit and moving to the base of the cliff to examine some interesting-looking plants.
Jack lay on his back for a few minutes, staring at the sky through the green of the leaves above him. Restless despite their long, hot hike, he got up and began wandering around the small clearing.
Daniel bunched up his jacket and used it to prop up his head. He watched the rocky face of the cliff, his gaze moving aimlessly across its craggy surface. Catching movement, he narrowed his eyes and focussed his sight. Realizing what was happening, he sat up quickly and shouted Sam's name.
Jack snapped to attention upon hearing the tone of Daniel's voice and quickly clued into what was happening.
Sam straightened when she heard her name and was turning toward Daniel when Jack tackled her, slamming her hard against the ground and knocking the breath from her lungs. Seconds later, a basketball-sized chunk of rock crushed her sample kit.
As Sam struggled for a full breath of air, she became aware of her colonel laying half on top of her. "Are you all right?" he asked quietly, and she nodded. His hand came up to brush along her cheek softly, the gentlest of caresses, before he disappeared from her field of vision. A moment later his hand reappeared and he helped her to her feet.
"Thank you," she whispered, squeezing his hand before releasing it. Sam turned to Daniel and Teal'c, who had arrived at her side. "Thanks, Daniel."
"Sam, are you okay?"
"I'm fine Daniel. I just had the wind knocked out of me."
Her CO's voice drifted over from behind her. "And you're muddy."
For the first time, Sam noticed that her shirt was sticking to her, from about mid-back up, and her hair was plastered to the back of her head. She bent forward and flicked her hand through her hair in an attempt to dislodge some of the mud, but she accomplished little.
"Teal'c, wasn't there a stream back that way?" Jack waved his hand in the general direction they'd determined a water source to be. Teal'c nodded in confirmation. "Alright then campers, let's head that way and give the major a chance to clean up, shall we?"
Sam moved to her equipment and winced as she knelt to stuff her jacket into her pack. The unexpected sound of Jack's voice startled her and she jumped slightly. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes sir." She looked up at him. "I'm bruised and it'll be a little sore for a day or two, but considering the alternative...." Sam flicked a glance at the rock and the shards of glass surrounding it, letting the scene speak for itself.
Sam managed to pull on her pack without flinching and did her best to readjust it so that it caused the least amount of pain on her sore back. She fell into line between Daniel and Teal'c, and they struck out. Less than two hours later they arrived at the small stream; by this time the mud saturating Sam's shirt and hair had dried, leaving her uncomfortable and incredibly itchy. At the river's edge, she first ducked her head under the clear water to rinse out her hair, then stripped off her shirt to give it the same treatment.
Teal'c had his back to the river and Sam, keeping watch for any unexpected visitors, but Daniel had been facing his friend; as she pulled her t-shirt over her head, he blushed and quickly averted his gaze. Jack, on the other hand, took a moment to give his 2IC the once-over. It wasn't like she was naked, he argued to himself; she was wearing one of those sports bras, plus she had her back to the men. Nevertheless, he turned away as she wrung out her shirt and pulled it back on; he wasn't quite sure how she'd react if she turned to find him staring at her.
Now fully clothed and relatively clean, Sam felt much better. Her back still hurt and would for a few days to come, she knew, but the lack of itching made a world of difference.
"Okay, campers, are we ready to move?" Instead of backtracking and continuing from where Sam had very nearly been seriously injured, they instead followed the path of the river.
***
Having joined a larger and obviously well-used path, SG-1 was moving more quickly but also more quietly, keeping a sharp watch out for whoever had formed the dirt road. Teal'c had brought their attention to human footprints pressed into the damp soil at the edge of the path; they indicated that several people had been through this area in the past few days.
Barely an hour later they encountered one of those people.
They came across him as they were turning a corner. The man was about six feet tall with dark auburn hair; while he seemed surprised to see them, Jack was relieved to see that he didn't seem alarmed at their presence, nor did he carry a weapon. "Hello," the stranger offerred, cautious but friendly nonetheless.
"Hi," Daniel jumped in. "There's no need to be afraid of us. Um, I'm Daniel, this is Teal'c, and Jack O'Neill, and that's--"
"You!" Upon catching a glimpse of Sam, who had been partially hidden behind Teal'c's large frame until now, the stranger's eyes widened with shock and recognition. "I've been waiting for you."
"Carter?" Jack looked at his major, plainly confused. "You know this guy?"
Sam was staring at the man standing before them, clearly having no idea as to the man's identity or why he seemed to know her. "No sir."
Jack turned back to the red-haired man, "So..."
"Jalen," he supplied.
"So, Jalen, care to explain what you meant by that comment?"
"Of course. But if I may first ask where you are from?"
"We come from a planet called Earth. We travelled here through the Stargate -- the large stone ring that's several hours' walk that way." Daniel gestured in the direction from which they'd come.
"Of course. We get very few visitors from there these days, though apparently it used to be quite popular." Jalen indicated the path behind him. "Would you care to accompany me back to the village? I assure you that you'll be quite safe there."
SG-1 followed Jalen as he turned and started back down the path. Sam found herself walking next to their host, the man who seemed to recognize her despite the hundreds of thousands of light years that had separated them all their lives, until just a few moments ago.
Jalen interrupted her silent contemplation. "I'm sorry, but I don't know your name."
"Samantha Carter."
"Samantha," he repeated slowly, the syllables clearly unfamiliar to him. "A beautiful name."
She blushed slightly, unused to such compliments. "Why do you say you know me?" she asked, deflecting the comment.
"In my culture, the night before the coming of age ceremony is spent in solitude. The person takes this time to reflect on his life so far, and to consider what he wishes to make of himself in the future. As the hour approaches the soul's midnight, the person enters a state of meditation. A chosen few are granted visions of the future."
"Soul's midnight?" Sam questioned.
"Three a.m." Daniel, who had been listening to Jalen's story, explained. "It's the time of day when the greatest number of people die."
"Sweet," Jack muttered.
Jalen continued. "I was one of the lucky ones, though my vision lasted but a few seconds. In my dream, I saw a woman with hair the colour of the sun and eyes the shade of the sky on a summer's day." He glanced at the woman walking by his side; she was quite obviously embarrassed by his description. "I was confused, for we have no one of your colouring in our culture, yet I could never forget the face that I saw. And so I have been waiting for you ever since that night."
The four visitors were silent upon the conclusion of Jalen's tale, wondering what to make of it. Jack, Sam knew, would be skeptical of any account that involved visions, and normally so would she, but something about Jalen's initial look of recognition had rung true. She had nothing scientific to base it on, but she instinctively knew Jalen to be telling the truth. He knew her.
And she found that she wasn't as worried by this as she felt she ought to be.
Daniel distracted her from her thoughts by asking questions of their host. The coming of age ceremony was equivalent to an Earth person's nineteenth birthday; on that day, that person is considered to be an adult and begins to take on more responsibility. Many young people took their time alone to set goals for themselves, sort of like New Year's resolutions. The handful who experienced visions were usually destined for something great.
"Is precognition common among your people?" Daniel again, curious as always.
"I wouldn't say common; we estimate that between ten and thirteen percent of our population have accurate visions of the future, but perhaps as many as another eight percent have latent abilities. Even among those who have had true visions, however, they occur only rarely, maybe once or twice in an entire lifetime."
"That's much more common than in our society. Of course, on our world it isn't a widely accepted ability." Daniel looked at their companion expectantly. "So what did you see in your vision? How do you recognize Sam, exactly?"
Jalen, who had so far been open and forthcoming, suddenly shut down. Instead of good-naturedly answering Daniel's question, as he had been doing for the past fifteen minutes, he refused to answer. "We don't discuss our visions, as the knowledge could possibly affect the future," he said, but something about his body language and facial expression indicated to the four teammates that Jalen was hiding something. Sam felt a shiver work its way down her spine.
Sam shook off the errant thought; such feelings were groundless and irrational. This was an idyllic, Goa'uld-free world populated by friendly people, if Jalen was any indication. Certainly nothing threatening was readily apparent.
Still, she resolved to keep her guard up as long as they were here. Better safe than sorry, after all.
A small grin escaped as she thought of how her colonel would react to such a cliché; it widened into a full-fledged smile as she noticed the man in question was watching her with a questioning expression, doubtlessly wondering why she was walking along grinning to herself. It was strange behaviour on her part. She'd been raised in a military family, had been a soldier herself for many years; she usually had more control over herself when on duty. He shook his head in confusion and refocussed his gaze ahead of them as the group of five reached the small village.
'Village' was a kind appraisal; consisting of roughly two dozen homes built on either side of the wide dirt road, it was more of a hamlet. The population couldn't have exceeded one hundred people; at first glance, there didn't appear to be any kinds of business -- no medical care, no stores, no restaurants. Daniel wondered how these people supported themselves; there must have been a larger city nearby where they could acquire clothing, food, and other necessities of life.
Jack kept an eye on his major and their host, talking animatedly off to one side, as he and the rest of his team wandered through the small town. Seeing no immediate threat, he allowed Daniel to do most of the talking; the linguist tended to offend fewer locals than Jack did on first contact missions. The inhabitants of this particular planet seemed to be friendly enough and were surprisingly unafraid of visitors coming through the Stargate -- Daniel determined that the Goa'uld had abandoned P7X 489 centuries earlier, and since then only a handful of explorers had been through the 'gate. Though the natives knew how the Stargate worked, they rarely used the technology -- they had no need, and found the risks to outweigh their curiosity of other planets.
The colonel fidgeted restlessly through the rather boring yet necessary examination of the planet's history, until he caught sight of his major grinning widely and touching Jalen on the arm, at which point he decided to join them.
Sam was a tactile person, he'd noticed over the years. While she restrained herself around anyone military, she relaxed her guard around others; he often saw her place a hand on Teal'c's back or Daniel's arm. She even did the same with him, but only when he was injured; when someone was hurt, her natural tendency to reach out surpassed any unspoken military rules that demanded that she remain detached. So he was used to seeing her comfortably touching other men.
It didn't mean he liked it, however.
Sam noticed his approach first and gave a smile of welcome and acknowledgment. "Jalen," he addressed the red-haired man as he joined them. "Is there a place around here where we could set up camp? We don't want to be in your way."
Jalen gestured to a nearby path that ran from between two houses into the woods beyond. "If you follow that path for about a hundred metres, you'll find a clearing that ought to be large enough. There is also a small stream nearby, though you are quite welcome to make use of anything that we have to offer."
Jack thanked him and turned to Sam. "You want to grab Danny and Teal'c and meet me there?"
She nodded and then winced as she readjusted her pack. He eyed her in mild concern. "Your back still bothering you?"
She shrugged without thinking and rolled her eyes in disgust when that caused her to flinch again. "Nothing a few aspirin won't cure, Colonel."
"If you'll excuse me," Jalen interjected hesitantly, well aware that it was really none of his business, "might I ask what happened?"
With a quick glance at her CO, Sam briefly explained her near-miss from earlier in the day. "I feel fine," she concluded. "It just twinges occasionally."
"I could help," the P7X 489 native offerred carefully. He had noted SG-1's reaction of disbelief as he'd told of his vision, though they'd tried their best to hide it, and he wasn't quite sure how they would take to his rather... unusual method of healing.
Sam looked to her colonel for consent. "If you can guarantee that it won't endanger Carter," he said to Jalen, "then it's her call."
She looked Jalen in the eye and came to a decision. "After we've set up camp," she agreed. "Say, half an hour?"
He inclined his head. "I will see you then."
***
Having rounded up Daniel and Teal'c, Sam led them through the woods to the clearing where they would be setting up camp for the two nights they were scheduled to spend on this world. Off to one side, Jack already had half his gear strewn about him as he unpacked his supplies. Having done this countless times over the years, the four teammates were finished in no time.
Sam was just tossing her pack into the tent when Jalen appeared. She noted that he didn't appear to be carrying anything with which to help her.
"I hope it's okay that I came here," he said by way of greeting.
"Of course," Sam answered, moving to meet him halfway.
"If you would remove your jacket and lay on your stomach," Jalen said, getting straight to the point, "then I will heal your back."
She slid her jacket off slowly, not quite comfortable with the thought of lying on her stomach; though she trusted that this man was only trying to help her, she still felt disturbingly exposed and vulnerable.
Jalen knelt by her side. "It will be more effective if I can lift your shirt, but it isn't necessary." He could tell that she was uneasy. "We can stop at any time," he reassured her. "Just say the word."
Sam took a deep breath and nodded her consent. Even if he did try anything -- which she doubted -- Jack and Teal'c were mere steps away.
From his place in front of the tent, Jack watched the proceedings warily. Just because he was used to seeing her casually touch others, he wasn't used to watching strange men touch her, let alone bare skin.
Even from a distance, Jack could see the deep purple and blue marks that had formed and he winced in sympathy -- it looked quite painful. As he watched, Jalen lightly placed both his hands flat on her back, then closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. After a few seconds, he sat back and pulled down Sam's shirt. She sat up carefully.
"You should be able to feel the effects soon," he explained as he stood. "You'll be almost completely healed in a few hours, but you may feel a little pain if you engage in any strenuous activities."
Jack wondered why Jalen looked at him while delivering that last statement.
Sam stood too and stretched her back carefully, only to find no pain. "Incredible. How did you do that?"
"No one has ever been able to explain how we are able to do such things, nor why only some of us have these abilities."
"So not many of your people can do this?" Daniel was inherently unable to resist finding out the answers to... well, everything.
"Very few. It's not uncommon for several generations to pass without any children born having this ability. At present, there are only two of us out of a population of nearly three billion."
"If you don't mind my asking, why are you here instead of in a larger city, where you could help so many more people?"
"I do spend much of my time travelling and helping others, but it is very draining. Every so often I must rest, and to do that I come here, where I grew up. It's quiet and people leave me to recuperate."
Daniel peppered Jalen with more questions, but the man was unable to provide much more information. From what Sam could tell, the sensation that Jalen experienced while healing someone was similar to what she herself had felt the very few times she'd used the Goa'uld healing device -- a burst of energy followed by intense focus. Unlike her, however, Jalen often experienced an energy drain after each attempt, and in some cases, severe exhaustion. He'd once put himself into a coma for six days after trying to heal a half-drowned child. Luckily, both he and the child had fully recovered.
As the day grew late, SG-1 accepted Jalen's invitation to join him for dinner, and over dishes of the surprisingly good local cuisine he and a handful of native guests were given the opportunity to ask questions about Earth. Sam was pleased to learn that P7X 489 had numerous deposits of naquadah throughout its crust; though Jalen could not say for sure, he could see no reason why their government would turn down a trade. They would probably be willing to trade a fair amount of the element, he said, in exchange for some medical equipment or advanced communications technology.
As SG-1 left shortly before nightfall, Jack felt good. If the people he'd met today were any indication of the general population, they could be helpful allies in the fight against the Goa'uld.
Sam wasn't feeling as elated. She was excited about the prospect of a new naquadah source, but something about the looks Jalen had been shooting her all evening had put a damper on her otherwise good mood. It felt as though he knew something important about her, something that he wasn't willing to share but that bothered him greatly. And that worried her.
***
Sam awoke early the next morning feeling better than she had in a long time. Too energetic to go back to sleep, she dressed and crawled out of the tent to find Daniel scribbling in his notebook by the fire, having been on the final watch. After exchanging muted good mornings Sam told her friend that she was going for a walk and, with a wave, disappeared into the surrounding woods.
***
Jack stepped out of the tent and accepted a cup of coffee from Daniel. Teal'c was heating their breakfast over the fire.
"Where's Carter?" Jack asked, not seeing his major.
"Went for a walk," Daniel answered absently, hurriedly writing down a new thought. He looked up at Jack expectantly. "Did you know that these people were...."
Jack sighed and settled himself in for a long history lesson of P7X 489.
***
Sam strolled along the top of a cliff, humming to herself and thinking over all that she had learned the day before.
The people of this planet were highly developed. In most respects they were only a few decades behind Earth, technologically speaking, but the naquadah deposits made it invaluable. Their other abilities might also come in handy, she considered. Their population had a high percentage of people with so-called psi powers, and to have citizens who could actually heal with a touch and a thought was simply incredible. She wondered if either of the people with the ability to heal would be able to do something about the presence of a Goa'uld in a host body.
There was no way for Sam to know that a patch of ground near the edge of the cliff was unstable. It proved to be too weak to support her weight and slid over the side, taking Sam with it.
She hit the ground thirteen metres later, the only sound a dull thud as her body slammed into the rocky ground below.
***
Jack was worried. Sam had been gone nearly an hour and there was no sign of her; she wasn't even answering her radio.
Sam always answered. If it were at all physically possible, Sam reported in.
"Daniel, which way did Carter go?"
By now, the archaeologist was also worried. He pointed in the direction that Sam had taken earlier and watched as Jack reached a decision.
"Teal'c, Danny, let's go."
***
They found her about twenty-five minutes from camp.
Seeing the green fatigues lying motionless at the base of the cliff, Jack felt something in his stomach tighten painfully and was filled with a sense of dread. He forced Daniel to stay where he was and approached Sam slowly.
In his career as an Air Force officer, Jack O'Neill had seen a number of dead people, too many of them friends. He had learned over the years to suppress his feelings, to keep them locked up inside until he could be alone.
Jack dropped to his knees beside Sam's broken body and reached out a surprisingly steady hand to wipe a smear of blood from her otherwise unmarred face, then brushed his fingers gently through her hair, avoiding the blood pooling beneath her cracked skull.
Then he turned around and threw up.
***
Daniel and Teal'c went back to camp for some blankets as Jack remained by their friend's body, unwilling to leave her just yet. The sickening irony of the situation didn't fail to escape him: In a job as dangerous as theirs, fighting a war that spanned entire galaxies against a ruthless enemy, Samantha Carter had died in a senseless accident on a friendly world inhabited by people who were willing to help. He thought that the circumstances made her death even harder to accept; if she'd died by someone else's hand, at least he would have had someone to blame.
His teammates eventually returned with two standard issue Air Force blankets. They gently transferred Sam's body onto one blanket and covered her with the other; Teal'c and Jack each took an end and Daniel led them silently back to the camp.
Entering the clearing, they found Jalen waiting. Jack let Teal'c explain what had happened; he had yet to speak a word since discovering Sam and wasn't sure if he could force anything intelligible past the pain in his chest.
Jalen looked upset but not surprised, Jack noted. He narrowed his eyes as he recalled their first conversation with the man, and the answer came to him. "You knew, didn't you?" Jalen looked up, the pain clear to see in his eyes, but he said nothing. Jack continued, his voice flat and devoid of feeling. "Your vision of Sam -- you knew she would die. That's why you wouldn't tell us what you saw."
Jalen nodded at the accusation. He didn't quite look Jack in the eye as he spoke.
"My vision lasted only a few seconds, but I saw Samantha as clearly as I see you now. The back of her skull was crushed; several bones were broken. There was hardly any blood on her body, but it pooled everywhere beneath her -- too much of it on the ground for her to be alive." He shuddered and closed his eyes in a long blink. Jack had to turn away; it reminded him too much of the expression he'd seen so many times on Sam's face. "That she looked like no one on my planet was something of a relief. I thought that it was a hallucination, not a true vision." Jalen glanced sadly at the blanket-covered form lying on the ground and his voice dropped. "I'd always hoped it was a hallucination. To know that such a thing would happen and not be able to do anything to stop it...."
The four men stood in silence for a long while, until Jalen cleared his throat. "I can help her."
Jack looked at him sharply. "What do you mean?"
"I can help her, like I did before. Like I helped that half-drowned child."
"But that child was still alive," Daniel interjected. "Sam's... Sam's dead."
Jalen nodded, his gaze not leaving her body. "I know. But I believe that the reason for my vision was to let me know that I'm not helpless here. I think that I can help her."
"You'd be willing to try?" Jack asked, trying not to let the hope flare. It would only hurt that much more if it failed.
Jalen gave an odd smile. "I believe I've been fated to try."
Following Jalen's instructions, they removed the blanket covering Sam's body and straightened her as best they could, being gentle even though she couldn't feel a thing.
Jack knelt on one side of Sam, Jalen on the other. He looked up at the colonel and spoke seriously. "When I am finished here, if it works, you will have to help her. She will be somewhat traumatized, which is understandable, but ultimately I think she will be okay." Jack nodded, watching his major's face. "You must tell her not to blame herself. I saw this moment coming for many years and I have accepted the risk. Stress to her that it was my decision and not her fault."
"What do you mean? What's not her fault?"
But Jalen simply shook his head. He placed one hand on Sam's head and the other on her stomach; taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes as he concentrated on the woman before him. Though Sam's teammates watched her intently, there were no outward signs to indicate any success.
Until everything happened at once.
Sam's body arched violently as she sucked in a harsh gasp before she relaxed once more. Her eyes remained closed, but she seemed to be breathing.
At the same time that Sam drew her first breath, Jalen went limp, slumping over on his side. Jack left the man in Teal'c's care to tend to Sam.
He placed his fingers on her neck and was astonished to feel a pulse. Leaving one hand there to monitor the reassuring pressure of pumping blood, his other hand quested down her body. Pressing carefully on her stomach, he found no signs of internal bleeding; her limbs were in one piece. Combing his fingers through her blood-matted hair, he found no evidence of the massive damage that had been the likely cause of her death. As far as he could tell, she was simply sleeping.
"O'Neill." Teal'c's voice drew his attention from the woman before him. "He is dead."
"He's what?" Though reluctant to leave his major, Jack scrambled over to Jalen; he vaguely noted Daniel taking his place at Sam's side. Teal'c's voice drew his attention from the woman before him. "He is dead."
"He's what?" Though reluctant to leave his major, Jack scrambled over to Jalen; he vaguely noted Daniel taking his place at Sam's side. Teal'c was right, Jack found; Jalen wasn't breathing and had no pulse. Though he performed CPR and artificial respiration, Jalen never regained consciousness.
"Son of a bitch," Jack whispered, sitting back. "What the hell happened?"
"He knew it would happen." Daniel spoke up quietly. He sat holding Sam's hand, his gaze never leaving her face for more than a few seconds at a time. "That's what he meant when he said that it was his decision and not Sam's fault. If saving a half-dead child put him into a coma, he must have known that resurrecting a dead adult would probably kill him."
Jack swore under his breath. He covered Jalen with the blanket they'd been using to cover Sam, then knelt and picked up his major. He gently deposited her next to the fire and ordered Teal'c to stay with her until he'd returned. Then he and Daniel set off to tell the people who'd been so kind to them that their friend and healer was dead.
***
Sam woke briefly late that night but fell back asleep within minutes. Her fleeting rise into consciousness, though, reassured Jack; he'd been worried about her continued slumber. That worry combined with dealing with Jalen's death and his suppressed feelings at finding Sam's body had resulted in a very painful headache.
The major woke for a few hours the following morning but refused to speak a word. Contrary to her seemingly antisocial behaviour, however, she seemed to become more agitated when left alone, and so they tried their best to have one of them with her at all times.
Jack entered the tent to find Daniel holding her hand and talking about inconsequential things. Sam clutched his hand tightly, belying the blankness on her face and in her eyes.
"Sam," he called softly, brushing his fingers over her leg to get her attention. She turned her head in his direction but he had the eerie feeling that she was looking right through him. "Sam, they're holding Jalen's funeral today. Do you want to go?"
She didn't respond, and for a moment he wasn't sure that she'd been listening, but eventually she nodded. "All right," he whispered. He patted her leg again in reassurance -- hers or his own, he wasn't quite sure -- and looked at Daniel. "Danny, a word?"
It took Daniel a minute to convince Sam to let him go, then he and Jack stepped outside, leaving Sam in Teal'c's care.
"Daniel, how's she doing?"
The archaeologist shook his head. "I think she's in a state of shock, which is to be expected -- she died for God's sake. Emotionally, she's probably trying to come to grips with what happened to her and with her guilt over Jalen. I get the feeling that she's trying to suppress everything that happened. I think if we just give her time and keep with her, keep talking to her she'll improve, but we should get her to Janet as soon as she's ready to travel."
Jack nodded; most of what Daniel had said he'd already concluded on his own. "I think we should leave first thing tomorrow morning. If she's not up to travelling that far, Teal'c can carry her. We need to get her to someone who's trained to deal with this sort of thing." Much as the colonel hated psychiatrists, he had to admit that Sam needed professional help, and soon.
***
The funerary customs of this planet were similar to some practiced on Earth. Jalen's body was laid out in a simple wooden box along with certain personal possessions that had been important to the man in life. The box was burned for several hours until nothing but ashes remained; during that time, the people who had known Jalen spoke of him, sharing stories. As far as Jack could tell, not a single person cried; these people viewed death as an opportunity to celebrate a life, not to mourn a loss.
Throughout it all, Sam maintained her blank gaze and uttered not a word.
***
When Jack woke just before dawn, Sam was gone.
The last time she'd left before he'd awakened she had died, and since she'd been healed she hadn't wanted to be left alone. He pushed down the rising panic that was threatening to overwhelm him.
Instead of rousing Daniel or Teal'c, he struck out into the woods alone. He found her just as the sun rose, kneeling on the ground with her rear resting on her heels, facing the spot where she'd fallen. She was a fair distance away, but still close enough to see her own blood staining the light grey stone.
Calling her name softly Jack knelt in front of her. He kept talking to her, trying to provoke a response, but nothing seemed to penetrate her expressionless, unseeing stare. Then he recalled how Sam had held onto Daniel's hand as if it were a lifeline, how Sam often touched people -- maybe touch was the way to get through to her now.
He caught one of her hands in one of his own and pressed it against his chest. His other hand circled around her waist to run lightly up and down her back in a soothing motion. Seemingly of their own volition, his lips pressed against her forehead. "Sam," he said quietly. He kissed her cheek. "You're safe now Sam." Her other cheek. "C'mon back to us." The corner of her mouth. "Please Sam...."
And suddenly he was brushing his lips across hers, so gently. Once, twice. Again.
And then she was kissing him back.
In the post-dawn light their lips met again and again, needy and scared. For this one moment, there was no military, no regulations, no outside world. All that existed was the two of them.
After a few minutes he reluctantly pulled back. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, trembling. He wrapped one arm around her waist and ran the other through her hair, resting his cheek against the top of her head.
Moments later, he felt her warm tears trickling over his skin. "It's all right Sam," he murmured. "Let it all out." He continued to speak nonsense words to her, and she let the sound of his voice comfort her.
As she cried, Jack finally knew that she would be okay.
***
They eventually made it back to camp, where Teal'c and Daniel were waiting anxiously. Sam said that she was okay to travel and so Jack and Teal'c packed their equipment; despite Sam's protests that she could help, Jack insisted that she rest, so she allowed Daniel to lead her out of the way.
Sam said little on their way back to the Stargate but she at least seemed alert. She reached out often for whoever was closest to her, Jack noticed; he suspected that a part of her craved human contact, but her unwillingness to show any more perceived weakness than necessary prevented her from simply holding on to one of her team.
He reached over and placed his hand on her lower back, just above where her shirt was tucked into her pants. She turned to look at him, startled; he simply shrugged self-consciously. She responded by moving closer.
***
"SG-1, you're late."
Hammond's voice greeted the emotionally exhausted team as they materialized on the ramp after their long walk home. The general could tell right away that something had happened on this mission -- besides the worn out expression on all their faces, even Teal'c's, Jack had his hand on Sam's shoulder and she had the fingers of one hand entangled in his jacket. Even from the base of the ramp, Hammond could see the indescribable pain and fear beneath the layer of tears in the major's eyes. His voice gentled. "What happened?"
Jack cast a glance at the woman by his side before looking back at Hammond, his fingers tightening momentarily on Sam's shoulder. "General, might I suggest that we go to the infirmary first?"
"Of course," he immediately agreed. Though outwardly none of team appeared to be injured, he knew that something must be wrong if Jack preferred to get to the infirmary so soon; it was well known how much the colonel hated spending time there. "I'll join you there shortly."
***
Even under Janet Fraiser's care Sam tended to cling to one of her teammates, usually Jack. Her predominant feeling right now was fear, he discovered, and part of him was gratified that she considered him safe.
Teal'c explained the situation to Janet, who was clearly shocked and horrified by what had happened. She performed a cursory exam on Sam but at first look there appeared to be nothing wrong with her, aside from the obvious psychological trauma. The doctor released Sam long enough to report to Hammond, who had just arrived, but ordered the major to return immediately after the debriefing so that more comprehensive tests could be performed.
***
In the end, Janet found Sam to be in perfect shape, at least as healthy as she had been before the mission to P7X 489.
Within a few days, Sam had stopped feeling the need to spend all of her time in someone's company and was able to spend hours at a time alone in her lab. Once she was ready to talk to her teammates and Janet about the entire situation and how it had affected her, Sam found that she was able to accept it all fairly quickly; she would, however, still have the occasional nightmare months later or find being alone unbearable. The hardest thing for her to accept was the guilt she felt over Jalen's death, but in time she was able to see that the healer had known what he was doing and that the decision had been his and his alone to make.
"Hey Carter." Jack leaned casually against the door to her lab one night a little more than a week after their return. "Danny 'n' Teal'c are coming over for pizza and cards. Interested?"
"Give me ten minutes to finish and change my clothes," she answered without looking up, intent on her latest project. Jack gave a sigh of mock resignation and settled himself on a stool, watching Sam as she scribbled down some last-minute calculations and tidied up before ducking out to change into civvies.
Nothing had been said about the desperate kisses they had shared and both instinctively knew that it might never be discussed. By unspoken agreement, they both understood that such a thing could and would never happen again unless one of them was no longer with SG-1; hopefully something that wouldn't happen for a long time yet, since neither of them was willing to see their family break up.
Sam returned quickly and followed her CO down the hall, surprised but pleased when he offered his arm. She accepted with the bright smile that she reserved just for him, the one he hadn't seen since her fall, and he knew.
Sam truly would be okay.
Story Notes: EMAIL: the_fourth_dimension@hotmail.com
SPOILERS: Very mild for Fair Game
SEASON: Whenever (so long as Sam's a major)
CONTENT WARNINGS: m/f, secondary character death, mildly graphic description of death, mild language
FEEDBACK: Pretty please!
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Film Corp, and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money exchanged hands. No copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ARCHIVE: It would make my day if you think this is good enough to put on your site. Just let me know :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Some of you may reach a certain part of this story, think "What the heck?" and go back to double-check the content warnings. All I can say is, Trust me! It all works out in the end.
SPOILERS: Very mild for Fair Game
SEASON: Whenever (so long as Sam's a major)
CONTENT WARNINGS: m/f, secondary character death, mildly graphic description of death, mild language
FEEDBACK: Pretty please!
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM, Gekko Film Corp, and Double Secret Productions. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money exchanged hands. No copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ARCHIVE: It would make my day if you think this is good enough to put on your site. Just let me know :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Some of you may reach a certain part of this story, think "What the heck?" and go back to double-check the content warnings. All I can say is, Trust me! It all works out in the end.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]