What can I say?
I love her. I really love her. I look at the photo in my hand and smile. Well...she really surprised me. She really...really took me by surprise. I certainly didn't expect to fall in love. Not for a minute. When we first met, I suppose there was an instant...something. Love at first sight? Maybe...maybe not. But something moved inside me that day, something very subtle. All of a sudden I was aware of a change in the air, a change that brought possibilities, future promises, sweet moments together. And then she asked me out. Jenny asked me out. Well THAT threw me for a loop! Much though I had been thinking along similar lines, part of me wasn't ready. Maybe I was just miffed that I hadn't done it. Hmm.
I love her.
I lean back in my chair in my huge office and smile. I like this office. It's a nice office. Changed the décor though. Sorry to see Hammond go in the end, he was the best CO I ever had. But, ol' George deserved to retire. All the crap we put him though, I'm almost surprised he made it to retirement. By the time he went, I wasn't holding up so good. Physically I mean. All those years of action had finally taken their toll I guess, and although I'm still fit, and would still give a squad of Jaffa a good run for their money, I wasn't quite holding up my end on the daily mission front. Knees shot to hell, back giving me trouble, the usual old soldier woes. So, Hammond retired, and I was promoted from Colonel to Lieutenant General, and relinquished command of SG-1 in favour of command of the whole shebang! Not too bad a swap I guess. I knew I would miss being on the team with Danny, Sam and Teal'c, but I left it in good hands. Sam was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, and SG-1, her first real command, became hers. She deserved it, she really did. One more important change, with all these promotions, SG-1 had a vacancy, and in stepped Jenny. Jenny. Sam's friend from way back. I love her so much.
And so, we're now going out. Well, actually we're engaged. Got engaged at the weekend. Bit of a spur of the moment thing, didn't get a ring till later, but something made me just blurt it out. Strange, I'm not usually so spontaneous, and to be honest, maybe I should have given it more thought, but that's just me being my usual paranoid self. A certain level of paranoia is perfectly normal, isn't it? Oh but I love her.
I still see Danny and Teal'c a lot, we have card games and such like as before. I now have a lot more paperwork to do of course, well, that's mostly all I do, and I'm glad Sam finally understands why I hate it so much. She was so happy to gain command of SG-1, I remember the way her eyes sparkled when I told her, that strange warm smile she gave me that I still don't know the cause of. Heh...and then she saw the paperwork. I had to laugh. I don't see Sam as much as I used to...and that's a shame. Jenny says she hasn't seen her much lately either, since we got together, but I think she's just trying to give us a little space. We're both her friends after all, and maybe she doesn't want to interfere. Jenny agrees. She loves me. She tells me all the time. And me?...I love her. I may have mentioned that.
Well. Another day, another dollar eh? A boring day at that. All teams on-base and no disasters. And tonight we're all going out for a drink. I hope Sam comes, I miss Sam. Maybe she's glad to finally get shot of me from SG-1, and that's why I haven't seen her so much. I don't know, and I've never discussed it with any of the others, or Jenny. Not Jenny.
Her eyes...her beautiful eyes. Look at her in that photo, smiling at me. I have no idea why she ever smiled at me like that. Why she still smiles at me like that. Jenny...Jenny I don't deserve you. I really don't. You don't appreciate that fact, and you tell me off whenever I mention it. I'm not a good catch Jenny, really I'm not. Look at me, poor old soldier with nothing going for him. You deserve much better. Better than me. Look at her. Look at her and look at me looking at her. This photo is worn smooth and frayed from my constant handling. I look at it every day when I'm apart from her, which is for far too long. That's what being in SG-1 is like I guess, and hey I oughta know. I miss being out there with them, but I know she's well looked after. I know that. And she looks after them. And yeah, I guess that Jenny, Jenny looks after me.
I really should put this photo away. I think I'm a bit sad for staring at this every day, without fail. Sometimes I even carry it around with me, in my pocket, feeling it's comforting presence near my skin as I move. I can't help it though, I love to look at her. I always have. Ever since we first met. I have other photos, of course I do, I just like the way we look at each other in this one. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like the big soppy fool I am. She always laughs at my jokes. And I love her for that, I really do. Very few people laugh at my jokes. Probably because they're not funny, but she still laughs.
It's all those little things that make me love her I suppose...all those little things...Oh Jenny. How do I tell her? How do I tell her I love her THAT much? I try, I really do try to say it, but she knows. I think she knows. She just smiles and touches my cheek. I can say it to myself easily enough, I just have trouble forming the words and making them audible. Making them come out the right way. So I simply tell her I love her. It's all I can do. And it seems to be enough for her.
Huh. I really should be wrapping up this paperwork, not stalling and staring at this dog eared photo. Anything to avoid paperwork, even these days. Shouldn't really have my feet on the desk either, gets mud all over those o-so-important forms. I wonder if Hammond ever put his feet up like this? Y'know, I bet he did.
I love her.
I reach out to pull some really official looking papers towards me, but once more I find myself drawn to those eyes...those captivating eyes. I don't get enough time to stare in them...I don't...Jenny...A sudden rap at my door makes me jerk upright, and I pull my feet from the desk and stuff the photo in my pocket as I tell whoever it is to enter. It's Daniel. Looks like this is my end of work call. He never lets me stew in my office for too long.
"Hey Jack, you ready for going out?"
"Sure Danny, just finished."
"You picking Jenny up?"
"Yeah, we'll probably be there first."
"Okay, Teal'c and I are going to try and get Sam to come, she needs a break."
"Yeah Danny, that's a good idea, we haven't seen enough of her lately."
"Yeah, well we'll see you two there okay?"
"Sure thing, see ya Danny."
With that, he's gone, and I feel suddenly guilty. And ashamed. And I have every right to be.
I love her.
I sigh then, a long deep sigh that makes me shudder as I withdraw that photo from my pocket again, and hold it reverently in my shaking hands. I just look for a while, letting myself fall into her eyes as I gently move my thumb across her slightly out of focus face. This photo is over seven years old, but I swear Sam hasn't aged a day. In fact, she is even more beautiful now than she was then. That's enough Jack! Enough! I'm with Jenny, and Jenny loves me. So why do my thoughts always return to Sam? Why when I think of Jenny, am I always reminded of how much I love Sam? And now, now I have to see her, I have to see her tonight, and be with Jenny. Don't get me wrong, I 'm very fond of Jenny, and she's done wonders for me, she really has. I just don't know what happened, how it got this far, how come we're engaged. All this time I've been slowly falling in love with Sam and I end up with her best friend. I love Sam. And Jenny?...no I don't love her. I don't. I could...I suppose I could eventually, and probably would, but I only wish...
No point in wishes General, they never come true, Sam certainly doesn't love me, I would have known by now. All that flirting never came to anything, and just when I thought the way might be clear due to our promotions, along came Jenny. She's still my friend though, she's always there for me when I need her. I don't know why she's been staying away from me lately, and I only hope that we will become close once more. Even though it can't be as close as I want. Well that's the way things are Jack, Jenny loves you, and she's a wonderful woman, and you could do a hell of a lot worse. So I'll go along tonight, and I'll be with Jenny, and I'll play the happy couple. I'm not alone anymore at least, I have someone. But Sam...I...
I always thought it would be you...
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THE END
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End Notes: Heh he. This is fun! I like trying to screw with peoples heads! Am I sadistic?
One more part to come, from Danny's point of view. Evil is fun. I love evil.
Feedback! Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Drool...
One more part to come, from Danny's point of view. Evil is fun. I love evil.
Feedback! Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Drool...
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]