samandjack.net

Story Notes: Archive, sam and jack, heliopolis please

Spoilers, Divide and conquer


"Colonel?" Sam asks, so quietly, almost a warning, partly a question, and I hold my breath.

I'm not even sure I should be here. This is so intensely private, the two most private people I know having their boundaries ripped down, one by one. But I'm not sure I could leave now, even if I wanted to. I have to see it out to the end. I HAVE to know what he's going to say. There's so much wrapped up in that tiny room, so many lives, so many questions and fears and hopes, and I cannot tear myself away. I've been there, on the periphery of this for so long.

I have to know. Intrusive as it is, I have to know.

Is that fear in his eyes? Is he afraid? Angry, yes, at Anise, at having to tell her things he wanted so much to keep to himself, at having to go through this ridiculous charade, but fear? What is he afraid of?

Afraid she'll leave?

I almost cannot breath. I'm leaning forward, clasping my hands, the nails dug deeply into my palms, saying to myself over and over 'tell her tell her'. It's all about to change, here and now. The moments stretch like hours, years compressed into a single afternoon. He's about to drop a stone into the water, and he has no idea what the ripples will do, what damage they'll do, how they'll spread. The repercussions of this...could ruin them both.

Or save them.

'Tell her, Please Jack, tell her." I can hear myself chanting, over and over again. I want to jump into that room, shake him, force him to tell her, and yet I want to turn away, leave my two friends to their painful privacy, leave it all unspoken, unsaid, for none of us are ready for what's about to happen. It's all going to change, not tomorrow, not soon, but someday, what he says in that tiny airless little room will change lives.

"I didn't leave because I care about her. A lot more than I'm supposed to."

Lives changed, just with that simple phrase. Hers. His. Mine, staying on the outside, knowing what I'd knew before, hearing what I hear now. Teal'c, seemingly unmoved, hearing only a confirmation of what he already knew. Maybe even Anise, finally seeing what damage her toys have done.

It's our secret, the five of us. I wish to God I'd never heard it, but I feel privileged to know.




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