Inside the women’s locker room, Sam still sat encased in Teal’cs arms her quiet sobs shuddering her body. She leaned into him reaching her arms around his neck seeking the comfort he offered her.
Teal’c closed his eyes as he pulled her closer to him, feeling the pain pour out of her. If he was honest with himself, to see the normally strong Major break down like this was extremely upsetting. He wanted nothing more than to help her come to terms with the fact that they may never get O’Neill back, and on the other extreme prayed that he would come back to ease the pain in this woman’s heart. Silently he pulled her closer to his chest doing his best to ease her pain.
Sam felt like her heart was breaking. She felt so helpless. Jack was out there somewhere and she may never see him again, may never get that one chance she never gave herself permission to take, to utter those three words to him that were always on the tip of her tongue. Those three words she had told him silently for the last five years.
Sam felt Teal’c pull her closer into his warmth, trying his best to help her deal with this. He’d been watching her in silent observation since this whole nightmare began, and here he was now, letting her pour out her grief.
She tried so hard to stop the tears from flowing, but whatever she tried to make them stop only made them fall faster. “I’m sorry,” she told him on a sob.
“Do not apologize Major carter,” he told her quietly shifting a little closer to accommodate her small frame. He didn’t know what else to do for her, so he simply held her until her sobs began to slowly subside.
Sam slowly moved one of her arms from around his neck but remained close to him as she wiped her eyes, them moved her hand down to entwine her fingers in his on her lap, her head rested on his shoulder as tears slid silently down her face.
“ How did you know?” she sniffed as she moved her hands from his to wipe the tears away only to have them replaced by new ones. She felt him move against her as his hand came up to catch hers, holding it protectively.
“ I am aware of the bond you share with O’Neill Major Carter, I have also made certain observations since his disappearance.”
“Thanks for looking out for me Teal’c,” she said against him.
“ I made a promise to O’Neill that I would take care of you if an event such as this ever occurred, and the fact that you are my friend,” he watched her as she moved away from him to sit up.
“ He asked you that?” she said as new tears began to fall.
Lifting a hand to wipe tears away from her face letting his hand remain there for the briefest of moments “Indeed he did. He cares for you very much Major Carter.”
“ Oh god Teal’c,” she closed her eyes against the new onslaught of tears without success “ I love him so much, what am I going to do if he never comes back?”
He reached out to pulled her into his arms again, rubbing her back against the sobs wracking her body “ If there is any way, he will move heaven and earth to return to you, of that I am certain.”
“ I can’t do this again Teal’c,” she sobbed quietly against him.
“ You are the strongest woman I have ever know Major Carter,” he said into her hair “ you will survive this.”
She nodded against him, her eyes closed tightly against the tears. “ I just wish I’d have told him, just once.”
“ When he returns you will tell him,” he told her in his firm voice.
She laughed slightly, her tears beginning to subside. Moving to sit up again she moved her hands to wipe her eyes, and then turned to face him.
He was watching her intently, regarding her with affection.
“ I bet I look a mess don’t I?” she laughed softly.
“ Major Carter you are an incredibly beautiful woman,” he told her “ if anyone is offended by your display of emotion, then it is he or she who are in need of attention.”
She laughed softly “Thank you Teal’c.”
“You are most welcome Major carter,” he got to his feet and moved towards the slightly open door “ I will wait for you outside.”
She watched as he closed the door staring at it for a few seconds. Darkness once again surrounded the room encasing her heart in sorrow. The ache in her heart hurt like hell, she missed Jack so much, but now she didn’t have to do this alone. The fact that he had asked Teal’c to watch out for her said so much and only made her more determined to get him back. Clicking on the light she caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror, hardly recognizing the woman staring back at her, she looked terrible. Her eyes were red and puffy showing obvious signs that she’d been crying. Sighing heavily, she wiped both her hands wearily over her eyes, trying not to think of how much she missed Jack O’Neill. Picking up her bag she reached for the door handle.
Teal’c was outside waiting for her, as he had promised. He nodded his head and smiled at her when she closed the door behind her.
Sam watched him as he moved to protectively shield her from the prying eyes of passing personnel.
“I’m gonna stay on base tonight,” she told him her voice sounding quiet “ I feel closer to him here.” Her voice trailed off as she felt her eyes fill once again with tears as she tried to desperately hold then at bay.
“I will accompany you to your quarters,” he told her, as he reached out a hand to her shoulder, guiding her along the corridor to the safe haven of her own quarters. They managed to avoid a lot of people along the way; only one or two people catching a glimpse of them both. Once they reached her door she stopped to look up at him “ Thank you for this Teal’c,” she smiled up at him.
“If you should need to speak with me again Major Carter,” he began.
“I know,” she smiled affectionately, and then reached up to kiss his cheek “ I will come and find you.”
“Very well,” he told her as he reached out to squeeze her shoulder “sleep well.” Turning from her he slowly walked away.
Closing the door behind her, she leant her forehead against the hard wood. The overwhelming feeling of loss had hit her so hard that she didn’t dare let herself cry anymore because the tears would surely not stop this time. Everything felt so helpless, why hadn’t she taken the chance with him? Why the hell hadn’t she gone fishing with him when he’d asked her to? Why hadn’t she just told him how she felt instead of hiding behind the security of the regulations? People were already noticing her attitude, Jack O’Neill’s absence was already affecting her work, and now he was affecting her ability to function.
Sighing heavily, she moved to sit on her bed, her eyes roaming around her room. The whole base felt so empty without him here, it was as if the heart of this place died the day he went missing. “Jack,” she whispered, closing her eyes tightly against the burning lump in her throat, “Jack.” The grief inside her hurt so much more than when they lost Daniel, this felt as if her heart was breaking. She had loved Daniel so much, but Jack he was buried deep inside her heart. Losing Jack was like losing a part of herself. This was real love wasn’t it? If it wasn’t then she wouldn’t feel this bad would she? Her mind whispered back and forth bringing with it the warm knowledge that whatever she felt for her CO was real and intense. This was more than just loving someone, this was loving someone totally in mind body and soul, and it hurt like hell.
Lying down slowly onto her bed the tears in her eyes flowing freely down her cheeks as she sobbed quietly into her pillow. After a while her eyes grew heavy succumbing to the intense grief. Slowly she fell into an exhausted sleep filled with distant echoes of the man she loved.
Teal’c looked up as Sam approached him in the co missionary surprised to see her at 7am in the morning. Her face was pale and her eyes still held their dullness of the night before.
“Major Carter,” he asked as she sat opposite him “Did you sleep well?”
“ I slept some,” she smiled sadly “but not much, not really.” She regarded him for a long moment before she spoke again “ Thank you for last night Teal’c, it means a lot that you were there for me.”
“ As I will always be Major Carter,” he told her.
Looking down at her hands on the table she spoke softly,“ I wanted to look over the tapes and artifact again, you think you could help me?”
“Indeed,” he smiled as he stood, motioning for her to follow him out of the co missionary.
They hadn’t gone far when General Hammond called to them from his office “Major Carter have you got a minute?”
“Yes sir,” she nodded as Teal’c followed. When they entered his office he motioned for them to sit down.
“ I know this is going to be hard for you Major, but I have no choice but to appoint a new leader for SG1.”
Sam was stunned, she felt sick. So this was all real now, he was never coming back. The rest of the Generals speech went by in a blur for Sam as she nodded blindly letting Teal’c guide her from the room.
She allowed him to take hold of her arm as he led her to the safety of her lab, neither of them speaking until he closed her door.
“Are you alright Major Carter?” he asked worriedly, as her face paled.
“ I….” Raising her head slowly to look at him she gulped down the tears threatening to spill “ I’m fine Teal’c, we are going to get him back. I need to get him back.”
Moving his hand to squeeze her shoulder, Teal’c felt an enormous sense of pride for his friend “ Then I will help you.”
A little later Jonas came into her lab carrying a folder “ I just heard that the General’s going to appoint a new leader for SG1, you’re included,” he said as he looked over at Sam.
“Yeah,” she spoke softly, not looking at him “we already know. Have you been able to get any more on the artifact that Maybourne brought?”
“Uh, yeah,” he said, slightly stunned at her manner, it was as if she was devoid of all feeling. Moving towards her he passed her the folder in his hand “ It’s all here.”
Sam kept her eyes away from his face knowing that if she looked at him he’d see the pain in her eyes, that was something that for now she didn’t want to have to explain to him, so instead she opened the file in her hands and began to study the photo’s. Something about this artifact had her crazy; the answer was staring at her in the face, if only she could see it. Glancing up she caught sight of the video footage that Teal’c was scanning and then it hit her.
“Teal’c can you play that tape back for me a second?” She watched as he rewound the tape, her heart beating faster at the prospect of her new theory “There,” she told him.
“ What’s there?” Jonas asked stepping for a closer look at the screen.
“There, the moon. I didn’t notice it at first, look,” she pointed down to the photo in her hands “ Here’s the planet, and here’s the moon with the direct line of transportation between them.” For the first time in almost a month she smiled, a real smile. Teal’c caught her eyes and return her smile, as he stood to his feet to pull her out of his chair to engulf her in his arms. Jonas watched them for a second before coughing quietly. He knew he was the new guy around here, and of course they would be a lot closer, but it still didn’t stop him from feeling a little left out. So he was more than a little embarrassed when Sam reached out to pull him into a hug. “Thank you Jonas,” she smiled as she released him.
“ Uh thanks,” he grinned looking over at Teal’c and mouthed the words “What’d I do?”
Teal’c just patted his shoulder and followed Sam out of the door. Shrugging his shoulders grinning, he followed his friends.
Maybe now there was hope.
“Can you scan for life signs?” Sam asked the Tok’ra voice who was speaking via the stargate.
“ I have already taken the liberty Major Carter,” he told her.
Sam held her breath, her heart thumping wildly in her chest as she subconsciously crossed everything that she could possibly cross.
“ Hey guys,” a familiar voice spoke from the other end “it’s about time.”
Everyone around them erupted into applause and shouts, turning to each other in jovial back slapping, but Sam felt her knees grow weak and sank into her chair.
“ Great to hear your voice Jack,” the general spoke into the microphone “ I can’t wait for the debrief.”
“ I can’t wait for a shower myself,” he joked, “ see you soon general.”
“ On behalf of the SGC, we can not thank the Tok’ra enough,” the general spoke again.
“You are welcome general,” the Tok’ra spoke back “ we will be in contact again when we are in range of your planet.”
“ Thank you again,” the general smiled as the wormhole disengaged.
“ Major Carter?” Teal’c asked worriedly beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder.
“I’m ok,” she told him with a smile as she held his hand on her shoulder “ I’m just so…”
“ I understand,” he nodded “It may take some time for O’Neill to return through the stargate, it would be most appropriate for you to rest.”
“ Thanks Teal’c but I’m really ok,” she smiled up at him, the sparkle returning to her eyes, “ He’s coming home.”
END
Story Notes: SPOILERS: Paradise Lost
SEASON/SEQUEL: Season 6
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack and my site http://www.smutgoddess.net/amanda/
AUTHORS NOTES: I wanted to see the Sam and Teal’c scene have a bit more detail so much was left unsaid. Here’s my take on it.
FEEDBACK: Love it. No flames please.
COPYRIGHT: Amanda hawthorn January 2003
SEASON/SEQUEL: Season 6
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Sam and Jack and my site http://www.smutgoddess.net/amanda/
AUTHORS NOTES: I wanted to see the Sam and Teal’c scene have a bit more detail so much was left unsaid. Here’s my take on it.
FEEDBACK: Love it. No flames please.
COPYRIGHT: Amanda hawthorn January 2003
End Notes: Anyone want a sequel?
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]