Sam Carter restlessly flipped herself over in her bunk and looked at the glowing numbers on the clock. 0200 hours. Okay…great! Tonight she had managed to sleep for two whole hours before awakening. Hot and sweaty, she threw the covers back, flung her bare legs over the side of the bed and sat up, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her face with her hands.
This had been the routine for about the past two months. She'd sleep better—well longer anyway—about every fourth or fifth night, probably due entirely to exhaustion. Slowly becoming aware of the cold from the floor beneath her sock feet, she scooted back onto the bunk, pulling her knees to her chest and leaning back against the equally cold gray concrete wall.
As they always did when she awoke, the arguments and self- recriminations began in her head. How could she have been so weak? How could she have given in so easily to her desires? Oh sure…she thought he was dying. But was that a reason to jump—literally jump—on the first opportunity that presented itself…even if she did believe it to be the first, only, and last chance to know what it was like to make love to Jack O'Neill?
Granted…a hell of a lot of bad shit had happened to her in the months that preceded this. She had been injured and stranded alone on the Prometheus—that whole experience had left her addled and confused; then she had started seeing Pete. She was stalked for days and almost killed by one of Anubis' super soldiers; then, her father had left with the Tok'ra—giving her no idea `when' or really `if' she would ever see him again. Janet… (Oh God! How she missed her!) had been killed. Before she had time to even fully acknowledge that, Jack—the Colonel had been frozen in the ice of Antarctica only to be thawed two months later with no apparent hope of survival.
She closed her eyes and let her head drop against the wall, pounding the back of her head against the concrete in frustration. So, she had sex with a comatose Jack—NO…not just sex. She had made love to a comatose Jack. Saying hello and goodbye in the same instant, as she was sure death awaited him. But he had awakened, with her still astride his hips and his penis still buried inside her. Fortunately, he had drifted in and out. Sam had been able to get up and dress; then call for Dr. Warner to check him. Sam was sure he didn't remember their moment—that moment they were chest-to-chest and heart- to-heart.
At first she had avoided the infirmary; then, she realized how suspicious that might look, considering she had been there almost day and night prior to that. So she resumed her visits, but limited them to two a day—and she tried to keep them brief. Once, when she visited he was sleeping. She had stepped up to the bedside and without thinking caressed her fingertips down his arm. He had opened his eyes and reached to touch her cheek—a touch from which she had hastily retreated. He'd looked angry at her reaction. She told herself he was probably remembering that she was involved with Pete, but she wasn't— not anymore. It didn't take her long to figure out what a manipulative control-freak he was and she had sent his ass packing after returning from Antarctica.
She opened her eyes and reached for the lamp; then, stood to pull on her pants. Maybe some coffee would help. At least, it couldn't hurt— unless Daniel had made it. That thought made her chuckle. As she was tying her second boot she heard a faint knock at the door. Opening it slightly, she was shocked by the face of her visitor.
"Jac….Colonel, Sir! You're up! Should you be walking around alone, Sir? Do you need some help?" His presence had caught her totally off guard. The last thing she would have expected was to find him standing at her door in the middle of the night, wearing a tee shirt, pajama bottom and slippers.
Holding the doorframe with one hand, he lifted the other to quiet her. "Ssh! Quiet, Major." He pushed past her and into the room taking a seat on the side of her bunk. "Yes, I'm up. No, I probably shouldn't be, but just let me sit here a minute and rest."
An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them as Jack sat on her bed watching her, and making no attempt to conceal the fact that he was watching her. Sam kept averting her eyes from his, her boots and the concrete ceiling had sudden become very interesting. Yet, each time she glanced back, he was staring at her, a faint smile on his lips. Finally, she huffed in frustration and folded her arms across her chest. "Okay… what?"
He tipped his head slightly to the side, "Pardon, Major…what?" he said with his face pulling into a wider grin.
She threw her arms out to her sides with an exaggerated gesture. "Yes…what? Was there something you wanted, Sir? I mean there had to be a reason you came here at 0200. What is it, Sir?"
He just stared at her for a moment; then patted the bed beside him. "Come sit down."
"No, Sir. Thank you, but I'm fine where I am." Her response was quick and her tone a bit harsh.
"Ah, for cryin out loud, Carter! Just sit down, will ya?"
Conditioned to respond to those words and the tone of the voice, Sam walked over to him and sat down on the bunk beside him. She perched on the edge, her hands on the mattress on either side of her, ready to propel her up and away from him. She was totally undone when he moved his left hand closer to her right and wrapped his little finger around hers. She fought the urge to bolt and remained still staring at the floor between her feet. Finally, she had regained enough control to glance toward him.
His head was turned to face her, and he was watching, silently—just as he had been since sitting down. She jerked her eyes back to the floor, but couldn't keep them from his face. Again she looked at him. He was pale—not an unhealthy pale, but he had lost the suntan, which he always sported. It was his eyes that captivated and held her. The face was that of her commander, her friend…but the eyes said so much more than that. The warmth and emotion in those brown pools was so unsettling, but she couldn't look away. His gaze fixed and held her. She opened her mouth to speak, but he lifted a finger and pressed it to her lips, his lips forming a shush, but the sound never being released.
Jack turned to sit facing her and took her hands in his. Sam tensed, but did not withdraw her hands, She sat staring at their joined hands as he was also doing. She wasn't aware he had looked up until he moved one of his hands to touch her chin. Lifting her face, he looked calmly into her eyes, searching for something. And then he asked, "Did you mean it?" She tilted her head giving the appearance of being a bit confused, but in all honestly—she knew what he was asking. When she didn't answer, he cupped her face and leaned a bit closer to whisper, "Sam…I remember."
She pulled from his grip and stood, moving away from him to stand in the corner. She stood with her back to him, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to formulate a reasonable explanation for her behavior. Should she deny it—just try to convince him it had been a comatose hallucination? Deny her feelings one more time? Turning slowly to face him, she found she couldn't speak. Her mouth was open, but the words just would not come.
He stood and took a few steps toward her. " Sir, I'm sorry. I'd like to say I can explain, but truth is, I can't. I know I violated the regs. I let everything that has happened overwhelm me, and I…I…" She paused and looked up at the ceiling as if sending up a silent plea for assistance. Sam took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "Report me, Sir. Do what you have to do. I understand."
Jack took her by the hand and led her back to sit on the bunk. "Sam, you violated no regs. You were not in my chain of command. Weren't then—aren't now. I was classed a MIA and had been replaced as 2IC of the SGC forces." She sat quietly, listening intently to his words, never taking her eyes from his face.
Jack took her face in both hands. "Sam…I asked you if you meant what you said. Do you love me?"
Tears were rolling down her cheek and onto his hands. Sam dropped her eyes then looked back into his. "Yes. God I've tried not too. But I do."
Jack gathered her into his arms and rocked her. Whispering his love for her repeatedly as she clung to him. He loosened his grip and lifted her face with his hand, leaning forward to brush his lips lightly against hers before withdrawing a bit. He smiled at her and was surprised to see her blush. Again he lowered his lips to hers, excited by the prospects for kissing Samantha Carter in a non-AU, non- time loop, non-disease induced state.
Sam raised her head to meet his lips. The kiss was amazingly gentle. Jack was slightly tentative, but the kiss was light and warm. As their mouths moved together, he began to trace the line of her lips with his tongue. She responded instinctively, parting her lips to allow him entry. There was no urgency to his movements; the kiss remained so gentle. Finally, he broke the kiss, caressing the side of her face with his hand as he reclined on the bunk and pulled her down with him. Sam resisted.
Jack looked at her and smiled. "Let's just get some rest. We have plenty of time to discuss what happens next. We'll take this slow." He kissed her on the forehead and Sam settled in beside him, her head on his shoulder, and her front to his side. He gathered her in closer and she wrapped a leg over his. Soon her eyes drifted shut, as she was lulled to sleep by the strong beat of a loving heart.
***
Story Notes: Spoilers: minor for The Lost City, Heroes, Chimera, Grace & Death Knell
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plots are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. ... [ read more ]